Page Turner

  Author & essayist, Godzilla in stilettos, psych nerd, **allergic to sanctimony,** she/her, latest books available here: Psychic State urban fantasy series 

[stricatul]

Sometimes you have to kiss her softly and tell her that she's good enough

[edenian-flower]

Sometimes you have to kiss him softly and tell him that he's good enough

[bypageturner]

Sometimes you have to kiss them softly and tell them that they're good enough.

[bypageturner]

A while ago, I wrote that there's nothing I love more than making someone else happy.

Lots of people wrote in saying that it couldn't be true. Because of course I would love it more when others make me happy.

But for some of us, it's not that simple.

Some of us don't accept help or compliments easily.

Some of us also don't stay happy well that way. We have a way of borrowing trouble or worrying that we're not worthy of that kindness.

If you're like that, the joy you give other people will always be more straightforward and more pure than the joy you receive from others being kind to you.

And I think that's okay. There are plenty of ways to be happy in this world.

And it's also okay if you find that being happy is difficult for you.

[bypageturner]

This is your yearly reminder that small businesses are doing their best with your holiday orders.

Package delivery slows down this time of year. And unfortunately some packages will arrive late.

If a gift won't make it on time, print off the email from your order and wrap that in a box with a note that the package is running late and that you'll give it to them when it arrives.

[bypageturner]

Setting healthy boundaries can look many different ways.

Sometimes it's invisible or looks like nothing.

Sometimes it's telling someone "I'm sorry, I won't put up with that "

Sometimes it looks like low contact or no contact.

What healthy boundaries look like all depends on the situation and the people involved.

And emotional maturity means not harshly judging the boundaries people set with others, even if they look different than the ones you set in your own life.

[cryptonature]

Sometimes, I’m accused of being overly positive

on this page, of turning away from darkness.

It’s true. Not because I am blindly optimistic.

It’s because I’m the opposite.

It’s because around 700,000 people die each year

from suicide.

It’s because I have over thirty years of scars

from fighting major depression.

My positivity is not how I avoid fighting monsters.

It is precisely how I choose

to fight the monsters I know best.

[bypageturner]

If you make yourself hard to talk to, don't be surprised if you don't know what's going on.

There's a reason aggressive people are surrounded by "liars."

It's not that others are being passive-aggressive or dishonest. Many times people are actually attempting to tell you how they see it (rather than not saying anything and seething silently). You just rudely dismiss or ignore them.

If you are *really* closed to other people's viewpoints, you're not actually going to force everyone around to your own by steamrolling and pretending you don't hear anything that challenges you. You are instead going to walk around with very false impressions of how everyone else feels about things.

[bypageturner]

I was merging onto the highway one morning, thinking about the kids who did everything right growing up and how I've always felt like I was doomed and unworthy since I was such a fuck-up for so long, or as one classmate memorably put it, "a waste of intelligence."

And I caught myself saying aloud, "No! All they have on me is a headstart."

[bypageturner]

Agnosco veteris vestigia flammae.

Translation (from Latin): I recognize the vestiges of an old flame.

It's what Dido, Queen of Carthage, said when she first laid eyes upon Aeneas.

It's the best pickup line in The Aeneid certainly. Perhaps one of the finest pickup lines in all of history.

What a way to say that "you're smoldering hot." 🔥

[bypageturner]

How to Be a Writer:

Start by sacrificing a pen to the writing gods. You'll need their blessing if you want to survive this journey.

Lock yourself in a room with nothing but a typewriter and a bottle of whiskey. It's time to get serious.

Write every day, even if it's just nonsense. Especially if it's nonsense.

Bleed onto the page. Metaphorically, of course. But if you can't find a metaphor, bleeding literally will do in a pinch.

Avoid distractions at all costs. Unless those distractions involve cats. Cats are always welcome.

Edit like a serial killer. Cut everything that doesn't serve the story, and leave no survivors.

Finally, embrace the madness. Firmly. Give that madness a good, strong squeeze. There. Felt good, didn't it? Now you're ready.

[bypageturner]

A chief quality of being a resilient person is acknowledging reality. People who refuse to acknowledge reality don't get over things and don't grow.

Acknowledging reality can be hard. It hurts. It's confusing. Sometimes we realize we've really screwed up (I sure have, I've messed up plenty).

But if we don't accept the way things actually are, we don't learn and we never really move on.

So I've made a commitment to accepting reality, even when it hurts. But I've taken this a step further.

I don't have room in my life to be close to anyone anymore who won't acknowledge reality.

Because way too often, not acknowledging reality leads to people victimizing everyone around them to protect the lies they tell to themselves.

[cryptonature]

We seldom admit the seductive comfort of hopelessness.

It saves us from ambiguity.

It has an answer for every question:

"There's just no point."

Hope, on the other hand, is messy.

If it might all work out, then we have things to do.

We must weather the possibility of happiness.

[bypageturner]

I choose messy hope. ❤️

[bypageturner]

On being raised as a (conservative) girl: The worst advice I got growing up was to be as unobjectionable as possible. It came from virtually everywhere, explicitly or implicitly.

The trouble is that not only does it result in a kind of emotional paralysis, it is also pretty much impossible. You're going to piss someone off eventually.

There is no way to be perfect to everyone all the time. And your life's mission renders you vulnerable, ready to come apart at the seams at the slightest criticism from literally anyone.

You effectively give random strangers complete power over your life.

[bypageturner]

I had a dream last night that there was a software glitch and somehow all the statuses I'd deleted before posting them got put on Facebook

and my friends were responding to them, writing about how they couldn't believe that I hadn't posted them, they were great

and isn't it funny how we edit out the best parts of ourselves for fear that we'll be rejected?

"I'm going to fire my editor," one friend wrote. "I'm going it alone. I'm going to try being whole for a while."

[bypageturner]

[bypageturner]

“As humans, we have invented lots of useful kinds of lie. As well as lies-to-children ('as much as they can understand') there are lies-to-bosses ('as much as they need to know') lies-to-patients ('they won't worry about what they don't know') and, for all sorts of reasons, lies-to-ourselves.

Lies-to-children is simply a prevalent and necessary kind of lie. Universities are very familiar with bright, qualified school-leavers who arrive and then go into shock on finding that biology or physics isn't quite what they've been taught so far.

'Yes, but you needed to understand that,' they are told, 'so that now we can tell you why it isn't exactly true.'"

-Terry Pratchett, The Science of Discworld

[bypageturner]

I have learned SO MANY THINGS from the many wonderful people I've known in my life, whether I knew them well or hardly at all, for a few minutes or for most of my life, romantic or not. Everyone has had something to teach me.

Long ago and far away, I used to date this guy who would become absolutely livid when I connected something in the present day to an ex: "Oh! That reminds me of something that I learned from this person I used to date..." Fair enough. I learned very quickly not to do that and stopped talking about exes altogether. No problem.

But it wasn't enough for this guy.

Even though I stopped talking about exes, any time I would say, "That reminds me of something I learned from a friend" -- because indeed I have learned many lessons from ALL SORTS of different people -- this guy would become livid, insist I was talking about an ex and just recasting/lying about the source... even though I wasn't doing that.

There was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise. So instead, I had a lot of times during our time together when I was suppressing an anecdote from my past, either staying silent or finding a way to discuss the topic without linking it to how or why I knew it. Which was extra awkward when he'd occasionally ask. Each incident was such a small thing when taken in isolation. Truly. But taken altogether, it built up over time. It became exhausting and I felt dishonest. It ultimately wasn't why we broke up. Not at all. But I can tell you it was a HUGE relief when I got into a relationship where I didn't have to do that anymore.

[sadclowncentral]

2023

1. COMMIT TO THE BIT

2. PARTAKE IN THE DIVINE ACT OF CREATION

3. LET THE SOFT ANIMAL THAT IS YOUR BODY LOVE WHAT IT LOVES