confessions of a / confession sofa

confessions of a... graduate... 23 year old... girl... writer... failure... YouTuber... photographer... daydreamer... minimum wage worker... You can see the problem. I haven't made my mind up yet on who I want to be or who I am right now... So I created an anonymous blog to write about whatever I want, with no judgement, no preconceived ideas of who I am, or how I am supposed to be. Just a space to be 100% me, lay my fears and thoughts out bare for all to see. So come join me on this journey of discovery... or more likely a moan about day to day life when you realise growing up is boring and you have no idea what you want to do even at 23.

[c0nfessi0ns0fa]

Bad day

Dear all, 

How is everyone doing today? I’m not doing too well. My anxiety has started to creep back in again and I have decided to curl up in bed after work today. YouTube and X factor are getting me through until the boyf (T) is home. I am so lucky I can finally live with him now and get cuddle whenever I need them. 

If anyone else is feeling like this today or has just had a bad day, I’m sending virtual hugs your way! Message me if you want to chat. 

S x

[surfsammysleep]

Scared. So fucking scared.

[c0nfessi0ns0fa]

Me too sister

[c0nfessi0ns0fa]

I got a job

So since leaving university I have struggled to get a job in what I graduated in... Something I was convinced was my dream job and what I have been working towards and striving for all these years... I changed my mind three times whilst applying to university and changed courses once whilst there, and thought I had finally found my calling. (Don’t get me started on how stupid it is making 17/18 year olds decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives and then charge them £9000 a year to study said profession, making them stick with said choice in fear of going bankrupt once they realise they had no idea what they wanted to do at 18 after all....) 

So yes, finally since graduating and minimum wage job hopping to get by, I have been offered a full time dream job. And I am excited (a little bit, it’s mostly worn off now) and grateful but I can’t help feeling like... is this it? Is this all I’m going to do now? I do think I’ll enjoy the job, but I kind of want to be something else now. Again i don’t know what... Just like at 18 I still have no idea what I want to do really, but I don’t think it’s this. 

I have been trying to make a YouTube channel, posted a few videos. And in all honesty I would love to be a “Youtuber” full time (I think?), and make enough money that I wouldn’t have to work a normal job and I could just post videos for a living, write books, take pictures, blog, do whatever the hell I want. But LOL yeah right. Not gonna happen. 

I’m torn between settling for this amazing job that I have worked so hard for, or carrying on to try and achieve the dream... any dream... but I also need to be realistic right? Right? 

[c0nfessi0ns0fa]

Here goes...

Hello world. 

cringe.

How to start this? Like many other things in my life, I have no idea. Diddly squat. Nada. I just know I want to write, and vent and see if anyone else is in the same boat as me. Surely there is someone else out there that has no frikkin clue what you are doing with your life........................