YOU'RE HUNGRY.

HAUNT ME THEN, 　　BE WITH ME ALWAYS.

[c0nsumere]

YOU KNOW WE'RE FRIENDS TILL WE DIE ––– & EITHER WAY YOU TURN: I'LL BE THERE. OPEN UP YOUR SKULL: I'LL BE THERE CLIMBING UP THE WALLS.

c(0)nsumere, latin: devour, swallow, consume [ ... ] a duo blog for jackie taylor & shauna shipman of showtime's yellowjackets by aria . / sideblog to @exilae .

[c0nsumere]

jackie and s.hauna are now @exilae .

[c0nsumere]

considering moving my favorite "besties" back to @exilae but i haven't decided yet :)

[c0nsumere]

@qu1rkley : let me get you some ginger, it will help.

therapists can describe a bond made through shared trauma, even when looking to people you swore once you never wanted in your life anymore. when you look up to the blonde, her glasses in a constant state of slowly falling down the bridge of her nose... you understand what therapists mean. years ago, as the team split across fault lines to their own lives, you told yourself you were grateful to never see them again ( never have to remember the way the trees twisted in the night sky, the birds cawing keeping you up late at night )... but here you are, grateful for her presence & for the instinctual protective nature that seems to overcome her when the y.ellowjackets are involved. " uh... yeah, thanks misty. " you could protest, maybe it'd feel better if you did ––– feel better to be the self sufficient woman you feel as though you need to be, but you can't. you won't ask her to leave now. " i'm sorry for being such a... a pain or whatever, but, thank you. "

[c0nsumere]

Sick.

[jackietaylorsghost]

Yellowjackets 208. “It Chooses” / Anne Sexton, “A Self-portrait in Letters”

[alchemisedsenlinyu]

yellowjackets (2021-present) cr. ashley lyle & bart nickerson / the last days of judas iscariot, stephen adly guirgis

[c0nsumere]

happy deep friend love month!

[c0nsumere]

@ant1rs : you always seem to see right through me.

childhood was something unholy, something rotten that pulled you to devour. sometimes you think you don't recognize that version of yourself ––– sometimes its worse, she's the only version of you that you seem to remember. looking at l.ottie matthews left you in a black & hollow middle ground. you are no longer a child, you are not quite an adult ( maybe its because the memories of her, young, beaten, quiet, strong, are stronger than the image sat directly before you ). it's not that she's unrecognizable, quite the opposite. you can picture her face bruised & feel your knuckles split. maybe you are seeing right through her, maybe you're just the only person who can see, can feel the woman she's become... you're less different than you think.

" we... we went through a lot. " we, the y.ellowjackets, we, you & her: specifically. j.ackie in ice, la.ura lee in fire, who else could say they were that similar, yet that apart? " i think... when you go through what we went through, you don't really have a choice but to see each other. " eyes, wide & brown, gloss over ––– her face morphs, young, to old, then, to now. you have to look away. you don't want to. " i just see you, i guess. " a pause, the silence too heavy for you to beare, is it even there? you spit: " you seem... you seem better, good, i don't know... are you good? " the words stumble out of your mouth in an awkward fashion ( there she is, the teenager that sits anxiously inside ).

[alysmond]

#what to save in a fire according to shauna shipman

[c0nsumere]

@qu1rkley : youthfully folly can be excused & burried.

eyes widen at her & a fake smile pulls up on your lips. you could laugh, tell her weirdness off like the other girls do... but what's the point? is that what a leader would do? ( though that role has slipped through your fingers like tarnished water, you're trying... desperately to maintain some kind of grasp / & unlike the others, she doesn't seem to see your crumbling foundation ). " i mean, uh, yeah! " it may seem forced, but you try to laugh & nod along. " no one can blame us for dumb teenage shit we do here in the woods right? like... who says there's rules? " & now your features soften into something more genuine as you look into her eyes. pity is not something you appreciate, & you're sure she won't either ––– so it's stifled down & you instead appreciate her presence & what it has given you ( you've heard the other girls whisper their thanks, & yet none of the gall to show her such decency / even if your decency serves a dual purpose ). " if they find us, i don't think we'll tell them of whatever... we get up to here. "

[c0nsumere]

@C0NSUMERE & @ANT1RS : JUDAS SPITS IN JESUS'S FACE / JESUS DOESN'T WIPE IT OFF. SHAUNA SHIPMAN BY ARIA, LOTTIE MATTHEWS BY LUX .

[c0nsumere]

@ant1rs : do you dream of being queen?

her voice, a whisper: one that once angered you, & one you find comforting now as the two of you huddle close beneath a blanket ( the snow sits silent around you, so still that you almost worry her voice would be picked up & sent to the other girls ). the question catches you off guard, inches from her face your eyes grow wide. lips part & you're quick to look over every inch of her features ––– look for anger, look for disappointment, look for judgement... & all you're met with is a soft gaze. " n-no. " quick blinks, you know she'll see right through that tripped up tongue & uncomfortble lie.

you look around once more, everyone else remains curled up... bent over a flickering flame that threatens to die off every few seconds ( can she hear your heart pounding in your chest? can she see the images you've made in your mind? everyone looking to you with a gratitude you deserve... no one else's hands remain as bloody, & yet with this blood you've filled their stomachs ). you nearly jump as you catch her gaze once more, so piercing & honest. " i... i don't know. " a lie again, this time inching closer to some semblance of truth. " i just... " now you can't look at her, you can't even dare: the guilt in your stomach only settles sometimes, but now it boils again, it boils & it burns when you look at her healing face ( the indentation of your knuckles will not be an image quickly forgotten ). " i don't understand... how it's not, me? i feed us. i do & i - " you swallow, forced & tasting of bile. it's a prevention method, keeping your voice from raising & the new queen... the new woman in charge from hearing ––– they couldn't live without you, & yet you fear the next one served up for survival will be you ( wouldn't they just love that? the invisible butcher taking up space & resources ).

" nat will make a great leader. " brows furrow, & eyes turn down. maybe jackie was right, maybe jackie... " my dreams don't matter. "

[ethicallysourcedtink]

ʻMOTHER, WE ARE YOUR DAUGHTERS. WE REMEMBER. WE REMAIN.ʼ ↪ dialogue from a day of fallen night by samantha shannon. ⁽ᵖᵃʳᵗ ⁰¹/??⁾ change pronouns/gendered terms as needed.

who comes at this hour?

we might be able to stop each other falling, or we could pull each other down.

your realm is weeping.

i apologise. i thought you resembled someone i knew.

talk to me a while, before i fall asleep.

do you dream of being queen?

it's too late. everyone has seen.

be quick if you cannot be kind.

i come from a village stricken by drought.

are you very angry?

every year, i expect to suddenly feel as though i could say anything and be convinced i was right, and not be terrified that someone will peck holes in my words. as if i've set, or been kilned into shape. still, i never do.

don't lock your heart too fast, (name).

for this, i have crossed the sea.

when i first left, i understood how wide and glorious the world must be; how many marvels it must hold.

a spark can be coaxed into a brighter flame, if given the chance.

be quick, for both our sakes.

this place bores me. no offence.

i was waiting for night to fall.

youthful folly can be excused and buried.

i see you are set on this, but be careful. you could be hurt.

i don't need anyone to save me. all i ever ask is that you not abandon me.

let her never think of this place as a cage.

some would drink of the sweet wine until they drowned.

i believe i have this dance.

i am vexed by your presence.

this mistake is a small part of your life. it does not define it.

it has been some time since i last had peace.

i have a proposal. one i must make in confidence.

fire for your hearth, and joy for your hall.

one of you has sense, at least.

i'd rather make a sport of counting all the signs you miss.

i mean to always tell you when you do foolish things.

i would like you to tell me a story.

let the bastard come.

stay with me, lover.

am i such a fool?

it's not my place to teach you right from wrong. you ought to know it well by now.

i'm sure you would be happy to keep a close watch on a beautiful woman.

if duty takes you from each other, then you must bear the separation.

courage, my love.

you appeal to my heart.

i knew i could rely on you.

your courtesies are hollow, then?

i resent your accusation.

i see you came armed. you must fear me.

you're always so good to me, (name). even when i'm a fool.

i would have hurled myself in after her.

fine garments, i can have made. food and drink, i can provide. what i cannot give is the wit and talent of a courtier.

forgive me. you know how i relish the chase.

i will see you in the morrow.

be at ease.

there are rules for survival. you taught me that.

i will remember. i will remain.

nothing comes above your calling.

no god or spirit worth my praise would have allowed this.

i never knew you were fond of gossip.

what did you dream?

may i join you?

let me get you some ginger. it will help.

it makes (name) twice the fool for planting that thought in your mind.

you have been enough of a fool today. i am in no mood for jests.

why were you in the snow? you could have frozen.

i cannot grant that wish.

i have never heard of such wanton cruelty.

i learned what it was to miss you for the first time.

you might find me less quiet if you had ever paused to speak to me.

forgive my undress.

honour is an axe with two blades.

there is a price.

on my oath, it won't happen again.

why do you rouse me?

shake your head and smile all you like.

i told you we'd make a strong match.

it is gentle poison, but poison nonetheless.

you are often stupid. but you fed me.

so long as she found her mark, she would miss the world catching fire in her wake.

may your dreams be clear.

i merely voiced a thought.

you have finally caught my attention.

do you have a name?

i have a thirst.

i will swear it with your blade, in my blood.

you. always you.

why are you lurking here in the dark?

i have no intention of staying awake longer than it takes me to finish this repast.

i saw how you looked at me in the throne room. and how often.

i assume her tongue slipped.

[memesomething]

noticing.

"You're really happy."

"Your laugh is so... I missed it."

"So when did you meet them?"

"Hey. Want to talk about it?"

"That's not your usual order."

"I didn't think you liked (item/flavour)."

"Since when?"

"You're in loooove."

"Those scars... [Name]."

"How long have you been hiding it?"

"It's your favourite."

"I thought I'd find you here."

"This is your spot, right?"

"When you're upset, you do this... disappearing thing. You're doing it right now."

"Where did you go?"

"How are you feeling?"

being noticed.

"How did you find me?"

"It's been a pretty great day."

"I didn't know you knew that."

"That's... my favourite."

"Yeah, I've... I think I met someone."

"It's not like that!"

"It's just -- I fell."

"Oh my god. Lay off, okay?"

"I like to come here when I need to think."

"I don't know. Just needed some air."

"How do you notice this stuff?"

"You're not my mum/dad/parent."

"I didn't think anyone was coming."

"I didn't know if you'd actually show up."

"Thank you, by the way."

"Thank you, for being here."

"I don't know what I would have done if I'd been alone tonight."

"Better. Now that you're here."

[c0nsumere]

"how could it not have been me? ... when i was the only one willing to do what it took to keep us all fed? i used to think it was j.ackie that made me feel invisible but-" BUT WHAT. BUT WHAT. TELL ME, BUT WHAT.... SH.AUNA... BUT WHAT!

[wildkissed]

it  would  be  easy  to  fall  back  into  old  habits,  to  say  something  back  out  of  anger.  that's  now  how  he  feels  anymore,  rage  has  dissipated  once  he  realized  the  rest  of  them  weren't  enemies.  that  they  carried  the  same  grief,  the  same  pain.  yet  none  of  them  had  suffered  as  much  as  shauna.  “  i  don't  think  it's  ever  going  to  feel  alright.  i  don't  think  it's  supposed  to.  ”  mouth  twists  into  something  complicated,  unsure  if  he'll  be  able  to  explain  himself.

[c0nsumere]

you understand loss, maybe he understood it first ( maybe @travismartinez understands it more ). all of you have been the bearer of some kind of weight. he, his dad, lottie, laura lee, you... jackie. yet when you do talk about it: there's not much to be said. you hope he gets you, you pray he does when you say, " is it bad that i want it to be alright? " a huff. you want it all to be alright, & maybe it will only be so when you join jackie. not if, when. " i know it's not supposed to but i want it to. don't you? "