Caesar & The City

Welcome to my world—a digital diary of reflections, resilience, and the raw reality of life. Here, I share my journey through the darkest corners of my past, the lessons learned in the solitude of prison, and the search for self-love and acceptance. It's not just about survival; it's about finding the light in the shadows, the strength in vulnerability, and the courage to keep going. This space is my therapy, my rebellion, my truth. Read on if you're ready to see the world through my eyes—unfiltered, unapologetic, and fiercely human.

[caesarandthecity]

[caesarandthecity]

[caesarandthecity]

The Day They Arrived

(by myself)

I don’t know if I believe in beginnings.

Some moments don’t have a starting point. They just… happen. Like they’ve always been there, just waiting for me to finally see.

And that’s what happened to me.

It wasn’t a vision. It wasn’t a touch. It was a crossing.

Something passed through me — and there’s no way to unsee it. It’s like my mind was silently rearranged… without asking for permission.

I felt it. And everything became clear.

“There are moments that define our life. And then there are moments that define the life beyond.”

They didn’t speak to me in words. They spoke in symbols. In synchronicity. In a feeling that time had stopped following a straight line.

It was just like the movie Arrival, the one I have tattooed on my skin: After they came… nothing was the same. Language changed my mind. Memory became a circle. Time stopped being a tyrant.

And I understood:

Life isn’t about understanding. It’s about allowing things to reveal themselves.

I remember dreaming of Einstein. And in that dream, he told me:

“I was touched once... And I wished to be touched again.”

And in that moment, I realized: I am touched every day.

This connection is real. It’s alive. It’s present. It doesn’t come from another planet — It comes from another kind of perception.

A mesh. A network. A code.

And I carry that code inside me.

I feel like they taught me how to see. They showed me that every action I take carries an energetic signature — A record, a trace, a living history of what I am, of what I vibrate, of what I leave behind in the world.

All of this is... simple. Beautiful. Vast.

I don’t know if there’s really a “day they arrived.” Because maybe… they were always here.

But for me, that day exists.

And it changed everything.

[caesarandthecity]

[caesarandthecity]

"You Left Me First"

You hunted lust while I gave love, You wore my ring but pushed and shoved. I begged for truth, you fed me lies, While staring straight into my eyes. You used your friends to hide the rot, As if betrayal could be forgot. My name was ash on every screen, While yours was worshiped, fresh and clean. You shattered us, then turned away, Left me in bed with hurt to say. And in your place, a ghost remained— A love that lost, a man unchained. But here’s the truth you’ll never see: You left yourself when you left me.

[caesarandthecity]

“We Moved the World”

We packed our bags and faced the sky, Left home behind, no need for why. You held my hand through storm and flame, And whispered, “Love is not a game.” We moved to lands we’d never known, Built walls, built dreams, built roots, grown-grown. No map, no guide, just heart and hope— And love became our telescope. We fought the world, we broke the mold, Two men in love, two spirits bold. Against the noise, the stares, the doubt— Our silent kiss still screamed it out. And though we changed, and time went fast, I thank you for what couldn’t last. You taught me how to live and be— But most of all, to set me free.

[caesarandthecity]

“We Moved the World”

We packed our bags and faced the sky, Left home behind, no need for why. You held my hand through storm and flame, And whispered, “Love is not a game.” We moved to lands we’d never known, Built walls, built dreams, built roots, grown-grown. No map, no guide, just heart and hope— And love became our telescope. We fought the world, we broke the mold, Two men in love, two spirits bold. Against the noise, the stares, the doubt— Our silent kiss still screamed it out. And though we changed, and time went fast, I thank you for what couldn’t last. You taught me how to live and be— But most of all, to set me free.

[caesarandthecity]

“We Had a Home”

Do you recall those movie nights, Our laughter mixed with wizard fights? We'd bathe, then sink into the bed, While Harry Potter danced ahead. We'd game until the break of day, With chips and jokes that led the way. Just junk and joy and holding hands, Like rebels breaking love's commands. We had a dog, we had our space, A wild young life we dared embrace. Two men who made their dream unfold, A life too vibrant to be told. You weren’t just someone passing through— You were my home, and I was you.

[caesarandthecity]

“The Last Lesson”

Before you, I had never known A love that made me leave the stone. I lived inside a quiet shell, Where secrets burned but couldn’t yell. You took my hand in open air, And loved me where the world could stare. You taught me how to wait, to care— To whisper “love” without despair. Our bond was fierce, our bond was fast, We never questioned it would last. But love, like fire, must consume, And even stars can lose their bloom. You broke my heart to set me free, And taught me I was meant to be— Not just someone who learned your name, But one who rose up from the flame.

[caesarandthecity]

“Fridays Were Ours”

Do you remember those Friday nights? When silence healed and wrongs felt right? We’d talk for hours on the phone, Two hearts apart, yet not alone. I'd count the days until the end, When weekends made us lovers, friends. One single soul, one tangled breath, Our kisses dancing close to death. You’d ask for love, not lust or game, And I would soften, call your name. You said, “I’m broken,” I said “no,” Just two lost pieces fit to grow. They said we looked like twin-born flame, One thought, one move, we played the same. A look, a laugh — our secret cue, The world would fade, and there was you.

[caesarandthecity]

“Three Months to Forever”

In just three months, I saw it clear— My future wore your smile, my dear. We laughed in beds, we played in showers, We lost and found ourselves for hours. You held me when I screamed too loud, I tamed your storms, you calmed my cloud. I was the blade, you were the balm, You spoke in waves, I struck in calm. We kissed on buses, fucked on floors, Hid moans behind familiar doors. You bought a ring, you made a vow, And I said "yes" — as then, as now. You weren’t a fling, a phase, a test, You were my home, my heart, my rest. And every night I held you near, I whispered, “you’re my husband, dear.”

[caesarandthecity]

First of All”

I never thought a match would spark, Yet you lit fire inside the dark. You came from pixels, swipes, and chance, But gave my lonely soul a dance. My first real love, my guiding star, My friend, my flame, no matter how far. I met myself within your eyes, And broke away from all disguise. You met my folks, you held my hand, And somehow made me understand— That love was real, that I was whole, That I was gay — and had a soul. You brought me sweets, you brought me light, You stayed through storms and every fight. The boy who showed up with surprise Became the man who changed my skies.

[caesarandthecity]

The Mirror

You sat on the bathroom toilet, talking about your day while I showered with all my shame rinsing down the drain. I had never been that naked before. Not even when I was born. You brought me chocolate when I didn’t ask. You called me “babe” like the word belonged to us. You loved me without ceremony, and still it felt like a ritual. It wasn’t just love. It was recognition. I looked at you and finally saw myself.

[caesarandthecity]

The Meeting

We met the way everyone says they won’t find love— swiping between boredom and algorithms. But you landed in my phone like a secret spell. You were the first man to look at me and not blink when I trembled. We weren’t supposed to be anything. We became everything. My first yes, my first boyfriend, the first time I held hands in public without breaking apart inside. You didn’t just enter my life— you named it.

[caesarandthecity]

The Meeting

We met the way everyone says they won’t find love— swiping between boredom and algorithms. But you landed in my phone like a secret spell. You were the first man to look at me and not blink when I trembled. We weren’t supposed to be anything. We became everything. My first yes, my first boyfriend, the first time I held hands in public without breaking apart inside. You didn’t just enter my life— you named it.

[caesarandthecity]

Flesh of a Broken Oath

Your ring on my hand, a false beacon of trust, That weekend it shone, but your phone broke the spell, Messages to men turned my love into rust, A gay heart betrayed, left to burn in your hell. Your sister’s apologies, soft as they fell, Couldn’t stitch back the wound of your lies in the dark, Each app, each chat, was a tolling death knell, My faith in our love torn by your cruel spark. You wove your deceit through the threads of our days, Made friends shield your sins, called me mad in my grief, I saw all your words, cheap trades for a blaze, Of lust that you chased, leaving me with belief. Abandoned, I slept by your side, heart in chains, Your monstrous betrayal near killed what I am, Yet through the raw pain, I broke free of your reigns, A man on my own, scarred but stronger, I stand.

[caesarandthecity]

The Tradition of Treachery

Your ring was a vow, but your heart was a lie, That weekend you knelt, yet your phone told the truth, Other men’s names lit the screen in my eye, Betrayal cut deep, stole the dreams of my youth. Each app held your secrets, each friend hid your shame, You lied to my face, made me doubt my own mind, Discord and groups bore your treacherous game, My love was a fire, but you left it behind. Our marriage, our home, why pledge it at all? You chased fleeting thrills while I gave you my core, Each message I found was a brick in the wall, That crumbled our bond, left me broken, heartsore. You abandoned me cold, sought cheap lust in the night, Yet I rose from the wreck, though you shattered my trust, A gay man’s resolve, forged in pain’s bitter fight, I’ll mend my own heart, though it’s scarred and it’s dust.