-- moonshine &

i don't remember the sound of your voice.

[nobaettadr]

the spiral , kji & scm

[nobaettadr]

☂

[caescm-blog]

naturally his fingers begin swimming south, travelling over familiar mountains & roads that all lead to the source of his breath taking heat. every ounce of water within is being consumed and taken into steam, rising from his skin and making his dehydrated skin crawl with need. his body begins to move towards a body that isn't their, his digging in deeper against the mattress with a pillow pulled close to relieve some stress against it. the way his hips swag mimic the way his mind is wavering, his tongue dragging over his lower lip as if he could feel the poison piercing through the soft flesh due to their venomous fangs that never left his body in the first place.

the summer seemed short lived now, the pain forgotten & only remnants of good sticking to the front of his brain. the sleepless nights left like this made him feel as if all that was sadness was a mistake, and a mistake it all was. he should have fought harder, he should have loved harder ( with chains pulling them back to where he was ) but there was no time to bring that up now, no time to think about that now with his hand far lower than he anticipated. the pressure began in the pit of his stomach that churned, rolling down like lava through the roadways until dipping into a comfortable pool of flames that were indistinguishable by his own hands. the silver hinges unlatch and his tongue attempts to dampen the branches before curling around the source, pulling until it hit still win, heart drumming louder than their words.

they were intoxicating, so intoxicating that he made no sense of the words they were saying all until it boiled down to what they wanted & what he could give them. the sound of stringed swallows muffled against his own speaker as his brows furrowed & twitched, his nerves stilling the burning branches before he coiled a little harder. “mm—“ it’s short & husky, breath taken away again after release of the bind. jongin wanted changmin to touch him. the kid wanted him to be the one to make him fall apart, and his seams were already bared, waiting for the taking of their sweet lips that he remembered so well.

“i’m glad you called me baby,” his voice is an octave lower, the cigarettes & alcohol to blame for the damage of his voice, but the message still goes through. “i’m the only one that can touch you. i’m the only one that knows what you really need.” it all sounds like a horrible joke but it was nothing less than the truth. he knew absolutely everything about jongin and what they needed & what they needed was his glacier to cool on this hot summer’s night.

“i want you to touch me too.” he confesses, branches strictly wrapped around the heat before he began to waver the current of the lava, his body rutting into the soft earth below as his eyes flickered & rolled back with excruciating pleasure. “oh—“ & god, it feels so good to have their hand around him again. “i want you to put two fingers inside of you for me, can you do that baby?” he’s cooing, he sounds sweet but he wants nothing more than to feel & hear ( & watch ) them break.

[luckcapsule-deactivated20160731]

Visit Original Link

Earthbound - You’ve Come Far, Ness

[nobaettadr]

the spiral , kji & scm

[nobaettadr]

☂

[caescm-blog]

vision swimming with the fish his gaze remains fixated on the now dim light of the screen in his hand, watching the letters become little blurred creatures riding the waves in and out of the screen. it was obvious his mind was slipping, that it was nearing time for his brain to shed overnight to refresh itself for the morning. but he wanted anything but that, he wanted to swim with the filthy thoughts that were circulating through his head. maybe it would be okay for him to think like this if they were edging for more. with every new text came a familiar feeling filling his lungs and spreading vines up his throat until they came ablaze in his eyes. he was burning down a few walls, & it was all for them — it was always for them.

how they knew his leg was bummed out was beyond his capacity of thought but it made their text all the more endearing when they seemed worried about their form. the flames rolled down down his throat and boiled in the pit of his stomach, chest heaving with a growing want beginning to move his body in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. he needed to relax himself, wipe off the clams building up on his hands — who was he kidding? there was no way he was going to stop himself now. reading more and more of their messages made the fire burn through his veins, spreading through flesh and taking him alive as he laid there motionless on the bed for a dead second when he read the words call me. fingers faster than his brain he disregards the words, he disregards the fact that they were even texting in the first place & immediately presses the little phone icon —

                            r i n g,

                                       r i n g,

                                                 r i n g,

                                                           r i —

breathing heavy on his end he swallows down his fear & waits. would he be the one to break the silence first? it seemed that way. there was rustling on the receiving end ( most likely jongin’s bed sheets they liked to keep a certain special way for themselves — it was cute, anyways — ) & his heart was slamming in his chest all over again. thud, thud, thud; lips officially swollen and eyes dry. he was torturing himself, there was no need for hydration when he was in the ambers.

“jongin? hey… jongin.” finally, his voice breaks through the clearing. it’s a little shaky at first, but god he wants to hear their voice more than he wants to hear his own. “why did you want me to call you, hm?” it was obvious something was a little off with him. the heat was to blame.

[nobaettadr]

the spiral , kji & scm

[nobaettadr]

☂

[caescm-blog]

oh how he wished they’d fell asleep so he didn’t have to dig a deeper grave for himself. though he wouldn’t remember this particular moment the next morning he could feel the regret beginning to boil in the pit of his stomach. somehow his morals were still in tact regardless the drug pumping through his veins laced with adrenaline of want&need. he needed to be next to them and he wanted to press them against the wall without struggle — all in a platonic way of course, right? swallowing down whatever alcohol was left on his tongue he rolled onto his back and held his phone close to his face, thumbs running over the messages again & again to feel out if they were real. his heart was so loud, his ears were beating to the same execrated thuds echoing within the chasm of his chest. all of his self respect and worth dissipated the moment he asked if they were safe for now he was drowning in his own mistakes, taking their words as over amplified meanings & hidden desires.

( ✉ // jongin ) yeah, i liked it a lot.

( ✉ // jongin ) i remember when you used to dance like that for me…

( ✉ // jongin ) mm, look at you, safe and snuggly in bed.

( ✉ // jongin ) how about i come over?

( ✉ // jongin ) no more i miss you’s

( ✉ // jongin ) and you miss something more than just this face don’t you?

what the fuck was he doing? he was setting himself up for murder, but he didn’t think anything about it. he just wanted his body pressed against theirs, he just wanted to hear those little endearing sounds against his ear. the lingering thoughts made him swallow yet again before he hoisted himself to sit up, preparing for the invitation to their dorm room. he would be asking them too much if they were to come to his dorm, even if it was easier for the both of them ( changmin didn’t have any roommates to tip toe around ). though darkness already filled the room moonlight was on his side, showing him the direction to where his full length body mirror stood on the floor. from his bed he fixed whatever strand of hair that was misplaced to the best of his ability, and he made sure that his clothes were still in tact while awaiting his upcoming mistake.

[caesyr-deactivated20150706]

`&— where earth meets water (scm&syr)

☂

[caescm-blog]

there weren't many people he associated with in school. besides classmates that had a rumour or two to spread, or a friend that only needed when combat was at hand. then of course, there was soojung who felt nothing like a friend, but family to him, so to him hanging around in the hallways between classes to run his mouth didn’t mean anything. usually when someone stopped him in the middle of the halls it was to ask if he was going to be swimming tonight, or if he was going to be practice ( all things that required a short answer ).

it was rare that his name was called out in the sea of social butterflies, but he wasn’t at all surprised when he heard the voice of his little sister calling out for her oppa. tucking his sketchbook against his side a little more securely as he turned to blink around where she might had been he cocked his head to the side when she didn’t stand out from the crowd. but when he felt her tiny fingers curl around his sleeve and add some weight to his arm he looked down to where she was standing & offered one of the sweetest smiles he had hidden under his usual solemn expression.

of course oppa had a moment for his favourite little girl ( as creepy as that sounded he was her older brother for gods sake ). simply, he cocked his head to the side in inquiry, waiting for the possible questions running through her head. he knew he certainly had a few for her. “can it hurry up? i have class in five. why didn’t you text me or wait until lunch?” his sister always had a strange way of doing things. her way or no way, just like their father & just like him. the shims were surprisingly stubbron.

[caeame-deactivated20161215]

soiled [am & scm]

[caeame-deactivated20161215]

☂

[caescm-blog]

what nerve did the girl have? it seemed to keep increasing, after the rock smash and dirt in his eyes, the snark tongue was enough to edge him off into a rampage. by now he would marching away but for some reason he stood his ground, watching her run and twist her mouth from side to side with a horribly unattractive expression on her face. sinking his teeth into his lower lip to hold himself back from offering out his own kind of snark he nodded slightly, sliding his hands down into the back pockets of his jeans — that was until she dared question his abilities.

“do you want me to show you just how strong i am?” that was the only thing he could focus on now. to have his powers demeaned, to have his obedience questioned — he just wanted to drown that pretty flower back into the ground. “—nevermind, it’s not worth it.” & it wasn’t, he didn’t want to get suspended for attacking a girl, he needed to keep his cool.

[frivolous-wonderer]

Visit Original Link

[nobaettadr]

the spiral , kji & scm

[nobaettadr]

☂

[caescm-blog]

— & his worst fear seemed to be bubbling up to the surface without a second thought. it was possible they were lying, that they weren’t in their assigned dorm room, that they were in the arms of another drunkard with their bodies stripped of the nights sweat. oh how the fear crept through his mind to the front, making the worry evident through his abused lower lip. his eyes were glittering with rage as he stared at the screen in his hand, but there was nothing he could do. they weren’t his, they never were his — no one can own anybody — & hell, the two of them haven’t spoken properly in a year tops. this was their fault ( it was normal for him to push the blame on someone that wasn’t himself ) their fault for walking into the indoor pool, their fault for sparking a pathetic & quiet conversation that lasted a mere five minutes. this was all their fault. for bringing a shovel with them to dig up all the feelings he hid beneath his sleeves. arms now bared, he couldn’t dream to walk away.

being sucked back into the miserable abyss meant sleepless nights and it was all about to begin starting now. the short lived meeting they shared a few days back was just the start, then seeing them dance with a crowd adoring them — all they needed was him to adore them ! — was the fuel to make his mind cave into the pressure of thinking about them and only them all over again. his fingers twitched then tensed before it became suffocating as he stared, his tongue rolling over his chapped lips. changmin was impatient in the first place & that didn’t help with alcohol in his system. his body arched and his toes curled with annoyance, he just wanted to talk to them; but not this way. he wanted to fall asleep listening to their sleepy voice he loved so much, the one that he remembered in his dreams with a dazed expression hitting their face. the way their eyes curved & the way their smile cured any means of malice — god, he was still in love & it was heart wrenching to even think about. a cough echoed along the sound & feel of vibration in his hand, disrupting his thoughts and making him a little too excited to crank out a reply.

( ✉ // jongin ) your room?

( ✉ // jongin ) no i just. i was just wondering. you.. you know. i saw you tonight. seemed like you were pretty gone i mean… like not in a bad way i swear. just. you know. making sure you got home safe is all.

because he couldn’t be too careful when it came to jongin. jongin was a boy — no, man — that many observed from far & wide. they were seductive in the slightest of ways. the sound of their voice when they laughed and even their friendly gestures could have anyone scrambling to their feet. there was something infectious about them that he couldn’t pin point, but maybe he was riddled with the disease of jealousy.

[redvlvets]

[tohoshinqui]

[suda-anna]

Visit Original Link

[nobaettadr]

the spiral , kji & scm

☂

[caescm-blog]

something about someone seeing a long legged deer in neon lights brought him here. saturday nights were usually kept quiet with reviews and extra practice but since his left leg caved into pressure his mind suggested the best kind of medicine. ah, he nearly forgot how good straight rum rolled down his throat, it had been so long since he had ruined his performance. besides from that he was here on a mission, limping ( very subtly ) through the crowd of zodiacs that filled the halls & rooms. he knew absolutely everyone, it was a school party after all, & everyone suddenly seemed extra interested in him with their bellies warm and brains spinning. the rumoured deer dancing in lights was no where to be found -- for now -- but that didn’t stop him from having a little fun. just a small spark in his oh so boring life as of late wouldn’t hurt. this was still resting his leg, wasn’t it? occupying his time with meaningless conversation with other students he rarely called friends with a bottle of beer in his hand ( he was finished with rum ) he continuously scanned over their heads to see if that cute little deer would come fumbling out from the crowd; unfortunately was never any sign of them.

-- & then it was an hour and a half in and he finally saw them. the jongin, a helpless little dancing deer looking absolutely incredible regardless of how much was in their system. he could tell from where he was standing that their mind was lost in the air along with the others, no sign of hope until morning. they locked eyes a few times but he was sure they wouldn’t remember, so he made sure that they would. taking his eyes away from them for a moment he dusts off their name in his contacts to write them a message in what felt like ages, his worry of them returning home safely coming off a little too strong. after that they were gone & so was he, fending for himself ( until one of his swim mates came to help ) with a sad excuse of a leg tripping behind him even more with intoxication making everything just a little bit harder.

it was when he safely arrived in his dorm room did he collapse on the bed without a thought to look at his phone. now the regrets were piling in faster & faster, the tone of their ringtone specialized for them personally already annoying him. changmin just wanted to forget that he even saw them looking so dangerous with adrenaline pumping through their veins. what were they doing wasting their time replying to him? he was almost certain that a man or woman would be hanging off their arm tonight. that thought alone made his body tense & made his mind sober a little more quicker, fingers crawling faster to reach for his phone so he could reply to their sad excuse of texts.

( ✉ // jongin ) yeah... i don’t know why i am.

-- changmin could text perfectly fine when drunk, if he really wanted to.

( ✉ // jongin ) a long time. yep. that’s good. where are you?

[changminnnie]

[nobaettadr]

fumbling at the spirit , kji & scm

[nobaettadr]

☂

[caescm-blog]

the bitter taste of their lips somehow resurfaces to his own, & he isn’t quite sure as to why or how their taste had gotten back there. the two haven’t touched for nearly a year or so, their smell completely vanished from his dorm room. These were mere memories, he reassured himself for the sake of not going crazy, but god he could feel their flame in the pit of his stomach as if they had never left. as exciting as it was, it was also painful and unasked for — something he wished he could control. that’s when he had himself questioning their motives: were they the one making a fire inside? teeth sinking into the lower lip even deeper he busied his hands to pluck at the high fabric wrapped around his ( insanely ) ripped thighs, the tension & pull with a mix of water stinging the flesh with every hit. repeatedly he did this to pass the time between the two silent bodies, his toes relishing in the feeling of pure wet water between the spaces, the wrinkling feeling that made him feel completely hydrated yet dehydrated. swallowing the never ending bliss he attempted to find some peace in mind, to forget that they were even here ( which would result in him plunging in the pool ) & to continue drowning.

how could he forget their dance, their dance that had him freezing in his seat the moment their twinkling toes crept up in the limelight. of course he watched their body roll, their concentration take over and their body talk for all to admire. it was still his in his mind, they were still his & he couldn’t shake off that feeling when that dance happened. but since then it’s been months, days & hours with a heart that’s patched up and a mind sewn shut. no thoughts about them, slate clean with a fresh mind. now it was all coming back to him, it was clear that he was lying to himself for several months up to a year. it was easy to ignore them, reverting to the crush stage whenever his heart fluttered as they passed & his gaze dropped to the floor — except the butterflies in his stomach were anxiety ridden. whenever jongin danced his stomach churned and his body sparked alive with want, a want he couldn’t quite hold in his hands but he had all night to dream about. he was frozen both in mind & form, unsure of where else to take the conversation when they stammered out an excuse ( that made sense ) for them to leave.

before he knew it they were bowing, almost apologetically, their head low and their feet moving fast to twist & turn before making a run for it. had he done something to upset them? was it the lack of words that had them on edge. whatever it was, he didn’t feel all that sorry. as much as he wanted them close, it was better to keep them far away as possible. the temptation with tension locked in the air had him suffocating, no matter how comfortable he was standing by the pool. his heart was on fire all over again, his fingers twitching to grab a hold of them; to lock away and keep for himself. though they weren’t looking anymore he bowed for the sake of morale, his teeth wearing away at his lower lip as he stared at the ground. there was nothing the he could do to mend whatever it was they had lost, not now at least. the matter of the fact was that he wasn’t sure what they wanted, but he was uneasy & on edge — he wasn’t the one to ruin what they had.

echoing of the creaks came a slam from the door, leaving him completely alone with waves stilled & waiting for his frustration to be released. straightening, he stared at the doors in hopes they would come running back in — nothing, not a sound; they were done for the night. an audible sigh left, drowning out the sound of dripping & dropping before he turned to dive back into the pool where everything made sense. this way he didn’t have to see those doors, he didn’t have to hear any other disturbances if they were to stumble back into his humble abode. down here everything seemed to make more sense, there was a certain flow that was felt that he couldn’t reach while on land. maybe it would be better if he hid himself here more often, maybe they wouldn’t dare to bother him here again — or maybe planting himself in the obvious would have them coming back. either way, he would be waiting for something.

[zolguin]

# WANNA-BE – cs & ri

☂

[caescm-blog]

“ — usually when it comes to site measuring you have to grab one of the features of someone that will fit any where you’re drawing. do you understand?” his tongue is running rapid, his hands as languid as his thoughts while gesturing around with a pencil tucked between his fingers. “a good base is to start with one of the eyes, instead of one of the bigger features that people tend to use. for me, i like using the nose, but since this is the first time you’re hearing about this well —“ he bit back his laughter, head shaking before he continued on,

“so site measuring it how to correctly and proportionately draw out someones face,” bringing the tip of the pencil to his eye he guesstimates just how long it is in width, the nail of his thumb scarping over the wood until he was satisfied with where he thought his eye would end. “so you’d take this width and map it over someone’s face as you draw them. it’s like math but… for art. you’d figure out how many eyes it would take to get my lips & so on, and —“ just like that he was cut off like a guillotine to a head. his brow arched and his body pressed back against his chair as he looked her over, a little shocked that she was more concerned over his excitement than learning.

“wait — have you even been listening to a word i’ve been saying man?” his lips pulled into a frown and his body pushed forward, slumping down until his face met with the drawing they were working on for demonstration. “i’m trying to help you and you’re being… you.” in no way did he mean that with malice, he was actually a little thankful that she stopped him from running off on a tangent. pulling himself up, back together again, he turned to face her, arm slung over the back of her chair as he leaned in with a playful look in his eyes. “mind repeating what i just taught you to me?” it was fun being teacher.

[prkhyn-deactivated20210616]

silence is golden. kjy & scm

[prkhyn-deactivated20210616]

☂

[caescm-blog]

it killed & stung as they dragged him inside the infirmary as if he were a wounded solider, his grasp on them even more threatening than before. any weight pressed on his left leg and he was completely gone, mind focused on the pain that coursed and beat through his spine. it took him everything to not holler out, his brows furrowing in concentration to keep his sounds at bay as he focused on the ground. he just didn’t have to think about it & he would be okay, that’s what he told himself at least. & he was in good hands, their one and only nurse was going to take good care of him no matter what the consequences. swallowing a scream that threatened to tip toe off the tip of his tongue he pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth until he was laid over the mattress of the bed, his fingers immediately curling to grasp around his thigh and pull it closer to him with much caution. if it was under his hands he would be able to control it, and he was a little scared to trust them just yet. “yeah — just practising.” he seethed out of his teeth as his body curled into a sitting position, his head lowered, expression tortured. “it’s sharp & dull, like i dislocated it man…” maybe that was it. overworking your body & bones came with great consequence, but he hoped it was something as minor as this. all they had to do was ( painfully ) push it back in place before resting it off.

[limhope]

don’t worry be happy;;scm&chy

☂

[caescm-blog]

it was one of those days & nights where it was almost unexplainable. there was no word of it, he was just feeling under the weather & he wanted nothing to do with anyone. not even his closest friends were of concern, swimming could wait and lifting weights could be pushed to the next day. there was no way he could get his head out of the storming clouds. he felt unbelievably sick with a mind filled with cancerous thoughts that he couldn’t shake off. though it had been almost seven years since the e n d he couldn’t shake off the sight of his seeing his fathers twisted limbs laying lifeless over their mattress, tangled together in a horrifying mess — enough of that, he could feel the tears biting fresh through his tear ducts.

with the sheets draped over his head he curled down in the comfort of silence. thank god for being in such a blessed year where the dorm didn’t have to be shared, where careless questions would eat away at his ears as if his past roommates cared that something was troubling him. eventually he fell flat over the mattress with his face pressed down into the pillow, suffocating in the scent of sea water & cologne before a knock came quaking against his door. shaken out of the bed from surprise he sat up, the blankets sliding over his body until they left him completely bear ( not really, he was still wearing clothes ).

when hearing the voice on the other end his brows furrowed & knit together until a breathless chuckle left his lips, expression finding peace as he rose from the bed to walk over and let her in. curfew was inching closer and his old friend wanted to come knocking at his door this late? what would the others think? which brought him closer to the door even faster to let her in so no one could question the both of them. swinging the door and tugging her inside he pushed the door closed & scanned her over, the obvious question springing off his tongue. “what are you doing here so late at night?”