Café con Mezcal

“Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.” ~Rumi

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Fear

In this new phase of life, I am learning how to face fear head on and continue on my path even when it feels like I might fail. Fear can also be a motivator. I am choosing to see it as a motivator.

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Trust

Life is a constant reminder to trust what your path is even when you don't know the plan. We take action sometimes inspired and sometimes not. We look back and may regret some actions but realize we couldn't get to now without that step. I am constantly reminded that I am exactly where I need to be. Here. Now.

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New Life

I often think about how many new lives we live within one. How we constantly shed new layers of who we thought we were. And within each layer we shed, there is so much fear to let go of trauma, bad experiences, expectations of something bad happening. Because we don't believe that life could actually be rigged in our favor. So no matter how many times you see the good evidenced in life, you cling to the the trauma and the times it has gone bad. I have worked my entire adult life to let go of that. To let go of my past and of what was.

I have made drastic changes to the way I am and I am proud of that. But I also still go back there, to the past, to what was. I think it's just part of human experience for us to remember the past and fear it sometimes but I choose to and to live with optimism for the future even when I can't see it. I choose to be curious about the different person that I can be in the future without knowing the route.

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Pushing Against

When you are tired of pushing against the drain, of carrying the heavy load, of screaming for quiet help. When you are exhausted from leading, from caring, from being responsible. But then you realize no one is asking you to carry, to push, to try so hard. You are doing it to yourself. So you find yourself scared to let go, scared to free fall, scared of the unknown when you don't take the lead, when you don't push. Scared of failure. Scared of not succeeding. Scared of what could be. But what if it turns out well for you? What if you discover a new life and a new way of being? What if in the process people don't expect you to clean it all up, to start the thing, to take the lead but see you as an actual human being who also needs help and support. Kindness. Compassion. How do you unlearn being scared?

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No matter what the obstacle #family keeps me grounded. My roots have shown me to ground and fly. My spiritual practice allows me to feel at peace. Everything is temporary yet long-lasting in our minds. Life will no doubt show us difficulty, but it will also show us joy, curiosity, freedom, and love. ❤️ #sundaythoughts

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Family

I have recently reconnected back to my roots, back to my family, and my home. In my quest for discovery I had forgotten how good it feels to be comforted and in your comfort zone. Everyone says take a risk, live outside your comfort zone, and grow. And while I do commit to that, it’s also nice to just rest and be in the familiar with a new vision and as a new person. I think life is more about going with the flow as I imagine a surfer needs to do. Ride the waive when it’s going up and down but also enjoy it when its steady and even. We need all changes to become who we are truly meant to be, to become the person we are when we are born.

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Free Flow

I have been gathering with amazing women in my community and coaching them through fears, blocks, and dreams. I use tools that have often helped me in the past. It helps to remind myself that I too need care. That I too need self-coaching. That I am not perfect and will never be. I hope to continue to come back to myself no matter what is happening in my life. Sometimes external factors try to pull me in different directions but I know what my path is. I know what I am here to do. I know what steps to take. I have to trust myself. I have to trust that I am taking the right steps for me and the right people will come with me.

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Transitions

Life is a wave of constant transitions. How we deal with these transitions is what differentiates us. As humans we tend to have a lot of fears but how do we move past these fears when healing is a life time of work. With each new phase of my life I am challenged to grow, to unlearn things, to live differently. I resist and resist because the familiar is nice and easy. But life pushes me and says don’t stay complacent, move forward even when it feels weird and strange. Learn this new way of life. I again resist. I push against the current and try to stay in my comfort. Until I can no longer push. I can no longer resist. My heart breaks open, I transform into something new. Something unfamiliar. I transform into me. 

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Transformation

I have come back to my blog after being locked out for almost a year and in many ways my life has been transformed. In many ways all of our lives have been transformed by this pandemic, political turmoil, uncertainty, and anxiety that plagues many of us. Internally I am at peace. I birthed new life and it gives me hope for the future no matter what the news say. #hopeful #covid19 #anewera

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Fear

I’ve learned that fear is constant. That every day we live in fear. These past few years have been very tough on the world. We experience violence daily, we read about active shooters multiple times a week now, catastrophes at every corner. The news feel more catastrophic every day. We live in fear about what is yet unknown. How do we change our perspective? How do we find hope and possibilities in today’s world? How do we give a good world a chance? How do we continue to hope for a better future while looking at our current state. The reality is that we don’t know what the future holds. We don’t know if we even have a future. But what do we lose by trying to make it better? What do we lose by trying and putting our dreams, aspirations, and wishes out there? We must try. We must find courage to look past fear and continue to try even if some may say we wasting our time. We must try even when we ourselves doubt hope. There is no other way. 

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Continuous Growth

Take a risk in life is worth it. I have come to this conclusion in my 36th year. Though transitions and new life experiences are often difficult to figure out it makes life more interesting, more worth living, and teaches you more than if you continue to live in your safe zone. For me this year has brought many changes but much growth. I was starting to feel stale and boring. Though my challenges seem stressful at times, I feel that I am truly LIVING. I am thankful for that opportunity. I am thankful for the opportunity to have choices. I am thankful for the opportunity to feel alive.

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New Phases

Life is full of new experiences that we often don’t feel ready to experience. We cling on to the old. Old materials, old feelings, old thoughts, old ways of doing things. Why do we do that when we know the result? Is it that we are truly creatures of habits or that we allow our fears to take over the newness and renewal of our lives? #change #liberation #freedom #risks

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Conflict

What to do when you see what needs to be done but can’t convince folx to leave their bubble, to leave their self-preservation and security. New challenges to deal with must come up with new solutions. #reflections #humpday

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Transitions

How to deal with transitions that you know are good for you. Letting go of the old and starting anew should be more exciting. But we are comfort creatures. Clinging on to comfort as much as we can. Let go, let it flow~

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Burn Out

Burn out is such an epidemic in current times. How do we deal with depletion when there is so much work ahead? The type of work that not only encompasses your own well being, but others. A new phase of life is coming, how to deal with changes and new challenges?

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Rest

Over the past year I have really learned how important rest is. We are so used to  go go go and society has convinced us if we are not working we are nothing. However, the social justice fight is not one you can easily just ignore and “turn off” when it feels like a new battle, you need new solutions and a  new strategy. I don’t know what that is but I walk the path ahead of me. #selfcare #newlife

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Rapid Growth

The universe, guides, and forces constantly push us to grow whether we feel ready or not. As I get older I realize life is about risks and the risks you are willing to take. If we become too comfortable or complacent and fight the growth - we suffer. Instead I find myself accepting growth and doing things out of my comfort zone. I think I learned this from the long lineage of strong womyn in my family and from people I greatly admire. Fear is inevitable but pushing through it is always an option. I vow to be open to growth and to learn the goodness that comes from it. I know my purpose is large, boundless, and not to be feared.