this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time
a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said
“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”
i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light
Felix always wondered what it was that the staff did on their own little laptops when there wasn’t much business or when they weren’t on their appropriate shifts. He’d see Daffy and Jarrod on their thin, new devices with faces that made it obvious that they were engrossed in whatever sort of activity they partook in. When he asked, he was told it’d be easier to do than explain, so he was instructed to bring his own laptop the following day. And so Felix brought his newly-outdated laptop at his next opportunity. It was a year-old model, yet it felt antique in comparison to the chic new look of the later models. It would prove to have a fast-enough processor to complete the actions commanded of him.
“‘Heroes’ Quest?’” Felix asked, a little disappointed in the unoriginal title.
“It’s a new popular game online,” Chance said casually, gesturing to the customers. As of late, the customers who showed up were mostly young adults or teens with laptops who exploited the café’s free wifi. “Our wi-fi router is perhaps the most expensive one in any establishment in town, and it’s capable of all of these gamers using it with no lag time at all! And, with a menu and atmosphere like our very own café’s, there’s no better place for them to be!”
“It seems like some kiddy-game or something,” Felix said, reluctantly downloading the file that would connect him to the server. Chance had, however, already walked off to address the next customer in line. Daffy took his place for the little critic.
“Despite the name and cover-art, it’s actually a pretty interesting play,” she continued. “You get to customize your own character, your hometown, et-cetera! It takes place in a neo-old world with kingdoms and airships! The possibilities are endless!”
“Alright, but what do you do?”
“You find people willing to join your party, and you go out fighting monsters on your own, individualized quest!” Daffy’s talking speed was picking up as she grew more excited. Amoretta quietly added:
“I’m a priestess, and I’m a level--”
“We’re making a party in the game to promote the café,” Daffy continued, not having heard the quiet cashier. “People who are online at home will see us and our statuses, and we can really reach out more to the tech-savvy customers!”
Felix silently admitted that this was an interesting and effective marketing technique.
“There are eight to a party. My party needs a knight, so if you choose that in your character setup, you can join us!”
“Oh, uh, alright.” Felix clicked through the different classes, observing each one. Priestess or Priest, Mage, Knight, Beast-- the list went on. Having chosen his class, he was surprised at the level of customizability; usually, games would have pre-set facial and body structures that were ideal for each gender, but this one quite literally allowed for a person to make an avatar just like him or herself. Felix smirked slightly at seeing his doppelganger in a bronze suit of armor.
“I’m an Archer,” said Daffy, bending over the protagonist’s screen as he finished setting things up. “Sebastian is a Mage, Chance is a Puppet Master, Keenan’s the team Rogue, and Jarrod is a Guardian. That’s our team, with you, of course!”
“Wait, what are the-- I mean, what’s the puppet master and guardian?”
“Well! The puppet master basically uses magic power to send out a variety of puppets to attack enemies. They’re very strong, but using them makes Chance unable to move, leaving him vulnerable for attack. He and Jarrod, actually, go well together; Jarrod’s Guardian Class allows him to erect barriers with magic power. He also has a raised defense stat, but he also has a low attack--”
Felix didn’t want to admit he was a little enticed. He wanted to be a puppet master, too, but decided that if they needed a knight, he’d fill the spot. Finishing up his character-creation, his avatar spawned with the rest of the groups’.
* * *
“How interactive is this game?” Felix Soloman asked, realizing just how easy it was to spin his oversized sword around his fingers. The sword was probably two thirds of his character’s size, and so Felix realized that his character must’ve been well-equipped in the attack area.
“It’s really quite fascinating.” Seb’s voice came through the headphones with as much quality as if he were in the room. Of course, he was in the back brewing coffee, and you could hear the low hum of the machines in the background. “With proper hand-eye coordination, you could quite literally control every fine-motor movement. The lips of our avatars even sync with our voices.”
“This is so weird--”
“Well, get used to it!” Daffy stood before Felix, dressed in a high-mobility armor with a quivver strapped to her back. She held a pitch-black bow that radiated with a purple glow. Felix questioned it, and she explained. “I found this in our last escapade! It was in a chest on the third basement floor! Sweet, huh?”
Felix looked at his own, basic sword, feeling just a little envious.
“Fortunately for you...” Chance’s voice was audible, and Felix changed his visage so he could see Chance the Puppet-Master behind him. “I’m the sugar daddy of our little party, and I always invest in the best weapons from the shops!”
“He’s not so good with real money, but I have to hand it to him that he knows how to save his gold in the game!” Daffy laughed, and Chance staggered back.
“H-hey!”
“What’d you get for Felix?”
“I got him none other than the Blade of Light’s Bane!” From his tiny pouch, Chance removed a blade a little larger than the one I had. It had a black color scheme with a starburst of red here and there.
Felix contained his excitement. It was quite obviously more powerful than his starter-weapon.
“Isn’t that the blade that enemy soldier had?” asked Jarrod with a grin, hands on his hips as he approached in his heavy, low-mobility armor. “Didn’t you say you planned on liquidating it for more gold?”
“U-uhm...” Chance paused, then coughed into his hand. “Well! It’s not a bad weapon! Much better than a starter blade, for sure!”
“I don’t mind recycling.” Felix shrugged, equipping the blade and handing the old one to Chance. “You can sell that one for what it’s worth.”
“You’re on top of these controls. You must play a lot of games.”
“Nah. I’ve just grown up with a computer--”
“Bahahah! Foolish warriors!” an all-too familiar voice boomed through the headphones, nearly knocking the headphones out of the knight’s ears.
The ground started to shake with tremendous force, knocking Felix’s party to their feet.
“W-who’s that!?” cried the puppet master, turning up and seeing the masked avatar before him.
Saturday night and there was about an hour before closing. Keenan pushed at his broom and groaned. Seven o'clock and there were still a lot of people ordering drinks. This meant he’d be at the cafe until ten at the least doing the dishes.
“This sucks,” Keenan mumbled to himself. “I’m never going to get out of here.”
*
Keenan was up to elbows in soapy water. All of his coworkers had left half an hour ago, but he was still at the cafe doing all of the manual labor. “I keep telling 3M1LY that we need to invest in a dishwasher. But no, we have to conserve money, and why buy a dishwasher when we have Keenan?”
Keenan paused after rinsing off a mug. ‘I could have sworn I heard something.’
Keenan remained quiet and listened carefully.
“Hello?” There was no response.
‘That’s strange,’ Keenan thought to himself. ‘It sounded like the door.’
Cautiously, Keenan returned to the dishes, but it wasn’t long before he heard some more noise. There was a shuffling sound and then some quiet, muffled noise.
“Who’s here?” Keenan called out.
“Crap, Justin, I thought you said there’d be no one here.”
“Shh, just stay quiet.”
“Hello?” Keenan put down the plate he was working on and dried off his hands. This called for investigation. He picked up a skillet from the kitchen and slowly made his way out of the kitchen and towards the back of the cafe.
Standing just inside the back door were three large teens wearing black hoodies and backwards facing baseball caps.
“What are you guys doing here?” asked Keenan. “If you try anything, I’ll call the police.”
“Donny,” one of the boys said addressing the largest one closest to Keenan, “it’s just some shrimpy kid. We don’t got anything to be afraid from him.”
Keenan shuddered, then lifted his skillet in front of him. “I’m armed.”
“Outta the way!” called a higher pitched voice from the back. A girl pushed her way past the two boys. “Yeah, Donny, look at ‘im! Even with the fryin’ pan, he ain’t got nothing on us. We can take him!”
“Shuddup, Justin, Trish. Lemme think for a second.”
Keenan spoke up again, “You better leave- there’s an alarm system, I’m sure the police are already on their way.”
“Oh, does the lil’ kid not realize the door wasn’t even locked?” It was Trish talking again. “That’s cute.”
Keenan frantically traced back his memory of the night. Could it really be that he forgot to lock the doors and turn on the security system after everyone had left?
“What do you want? I’m not going to let you take anything without a fight.”
“Chill out dude,” said Donny, who must be the leader. “We don’t want anything. We’re just here on a dare.”
“All we got to do is spend the night,” added Justin. “No harm, no foul right?”
“And if you need some extra motivation,” chirped Trish, “I’d be happy to provide some... with my fists.”
Donny glared at both of them. “Look, kid, we don’t want to hurt you but if push comes to shove, we’re gonna look out for ourselves, okay? Now you don’t want to get hurt so just give us a table somewhere and we’ll let ourselves out by morning.”
“Just give me a second to think this through.” Keenan waved the skillet around menacingly while he spoke.
***
“Dude that’s rough.” Trish patted Keenan’s shoulder. “Can’t believe they’d make a shrimp as nice as you do all the dirty work.”
“Yeah, bro,” said Justin. “You’re too nice, demand a raise or something. You gotta make ‘em respect you or your gonna keep getting stepped on.”
The three gang members and Keenan were sitting around on of the cafe’s tables. Since Keenan had let them stay, they had quickly gotten to know each other.
“Kid,” Donny started out, “you’re definitely a hard worker, and these friends of yours aren’t treating you right. You should come join our gang.”
Keenan thought about it for a moment. “Sorry, but I can’t bail on my friends. It was a nice offer though. It’s almost seven. People are going to start showing up soon.”
Donny looked at a clock. “You’re right. We better get going... but if anyone ever messes with you, we got your back.”
Trish grinned and nodded. “Yeah, nobody pulls one over any of my lil’ bros.”
As the three left, Keenan couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever see them again.
Hi! This is co-author KT! I just want to say that whenever I try to reblog something from someone's blog, it reblogs here instead on my personal blog and I apologize if you see anything that's not supposed to be on here. So this is an apology for past (and future) occurrences. Thank you!
All Gentlemen Should Strive To Be A Little More Gay
Written by somanyalex
It was a bright and sunny day as a dark skinned figure walked down the sidewalk of the main road in a small town. The figure wore basic jeans, faded with use, and a simple black hoodie, the hood up. He took a turn into the popular hotspot for coffee and entertainment, Cafe du Chance. As soon as he stepped foot past the threshold, his hood came down and a smile lit his young face. He unzipped his hoodie as he made his way to the counter, revealing the light tye-dye shirt underneath. He found his apron, pink and frilly as always, behind the counter and tied it around his waist, then slapped his hands lightly on the hard surface with a bright and somewhat sassy grin.
“Jarrod! Has! Arrived!” His silky voice echoed through the shop, and was welcomed with a resounding,
“Hi, Jarrod!” From his fellow employees. That was always Jarrod’s favorite part of the day, knowing that his friends were here, and that they accepted him. It was hard for him, sometimes. That’s why he liked to hide all traces of his personality outside of this little shop, the place that felt more like home than any other place he had ever been. He looked over to the “Cream Machine” and giggled. It was a running joke among the crew that he was the premier “cream” artist of the generation. it reminded him everytime he looked at the machine of his first day on the job.
He had applied out of a dire need of income, and to his surprise, he got a phone call two days later, with a young and charming voice on the other end of the receiver.
“Is this Jarrod?” His princely tone sang out.
“Yes, that’s me.” Jarrod said with pause.
“Well, my name is Chance, youth manager and chief server at the illustrious Cafe du Chance. We received your application and I wanted to personally invite you to come around when you’re available for an interview! What do you say?” As his strange voice came to a stop, Jarrod pulled himself out of his bored stupor. Who even talks like that? With another brief pause, the only thing he could say was,
“Yeah, sure! I’m available tomorrow in the afternoon. Let’s say... three?” He asked.
“Wonderful! I can’t wait to meet you, Jarrod. Ta~” With that, the line went dead and Jarrod was left sitting at his home, confused, bewildered, and kind of excited that he had an opportunity for regular income! He then put his phone away and went to his room for his regular computer time. As he began scrolling through his favorite social networking site, he couldn’t help but show a closed-mouthed smile. There were very few times when he’d let it show, but that smile only ever surfaced when he felt at home.
At two o’clock the next day, Jarrod had just left the house, wearing his signature blue jeans and black hoodie, even though it was a warm day in Triton. It wasn’t that long of a walk to get to the coffee shop from where he lived, maybe ten minutes total. However, Jarrod liked to make a lot of pit stops. At a park bench, watching the passers by, in a convenience store for some soda, and the like. He checked his wristwatch regularly to keep track of time, deciding that showing up ten minutes too early looked desperate, and that arriving exactly on time looked too formal. Jarrod assumed five minutes early would be fine.
As he walked into the shop, he was welcomed by the ever warming smell of freshly brewed coffee, and that alone made the edges of his lips rise. Jarrod pulled his hood down and walked to the counter. No sooner than had he told the girl at the cash register, her name tag read “Nicolette,” than did the bubbly and sociable youth manager burst from the double doors leading back to the area behind the wall. Chance looked at the taller boy and smiled.
“You must be the man in question? Jarrod. How nice it is to finally meet you in person!” He held out a hand for Jarrod to shake, and the later did so, albeit in an awkward fashion. Chance led him to an unoccupied table and sat down across from the hopeful new recruit.
“I have your application here with me, and while you do seem like a perfect candidate for an opening we have, I would like to ask you a few questions.” He said, his flirty tone changing to something more serious and businesslike, or at least, as serious of one as this guy could, Jarrod imagined. There was something about Chance... The way he treated everyone the same, regardless of gender. He flirted like this with everyone, it seems! Jarod had seen the way he talked to customers, the more regular they were, the more friendly he would be, the more comfortable and familiar with the limits each one had set he was.
“Okay, I’ll answer whatever you want,” he said. He wondered what could possibly be asked. Was it of his descent? He’d gotten some crap about that, but not a lot to really matter. Maybe it was that he was...No, Jarrod didn’t hint towards that at all on the application form. Why should he?
“Well, first off, I would like to know how long you intend to stay with us if you get the position. Seeing as though you’re a Senior, you might be looking at college or military work after high school, and thus would not be able to work here!” He chirped. That was a good point, Jarrod hadn’t really thought of after high school plans, and he just needed some quick cash.
“Well, I plan to stay for a while! Regarding any after after graduation plans, I think I’m going to go to college on campus, not twenty minutes away from here by car. So, that could mean I would work here for some number of years.” Jarrod said confidently, he unzipped his hoodie, knowing that this was a sign of openness. Chance smiled again and scribbled down on his pad.
“One more thing. We want to know what you specialty is. It says here that you have some experience as a barista, so what areas do you excel at?” He said charmingly. With a blush, thankfully imperceptible due to his skin, he took a moment to think.
“Cream art.” Was his reply. He had taken pride in his work before, fashioning leaves, symbols, hearts, anything out of cream and coffee. This piqued Chance’s interests, apparently.
“Oh? Good presentation is key to a successful coffee joint, you know.” Chance leaned back and cupped his chin with his eyes closed, humming softly as he thought. After a moment, he leaned forward and slapped his hand lightly on the table with enthusiasm. “Mr. Clemence, you have the job! I hereby declare you Cafe du Chance’s premier cream artist of the generation!”
Things moved pretty quickly from that point on, he was trained in how things worked around the store that day, and was given his pink apron. He was told that there would be an order placed for a signature black one, used for boys, but Jarrod insisted that it wasn’t a problem. He even made his first masterpiece, the first of many. Nicolette had been supervising him that day, and was impressed at his work.
“You know, I’ve never seen such great stuff out of a newbie recruit. You’ve got talent!” she commented. Jarrod beamed, his smile never fading. He moved his hips back and forth as he worked. Nicolette noticed this too.
“You... aren’t, I mean, uh” She stammered, not really knowing how to address the situation without coming off as pushy or nosy.
“What?” He asked, as he turned around. He knew where this was headed. It happened any time he let his true, ahem, colors show. She would ask, he would be honest, and she wouldn’t treat him the same way.
“You’re gay?” She said, embarrassed.
“Yup.” He responded, his smile fading.
“Cool. You should fit in just fine around here, ‘Cream Artist.’” She laughed a bit, relieved. “Don’t worry, we don’t fire people over stuff like that. We are proud to have you on board, Jarrod.”
The first day of the second semester, Felix recalled, was a time where he’d just begun feeling comfortable his co-workers, and a part of him sincerely hoped that they’d share some classes here and there. If they didn’t, he knew he’d just be antisocial for another semester, and Felix Soloman honestly didn’t want that.
From his first period classes all the way through his lunchtime at sixth period, Felix failed to recognize any of his new classmates, and this troubled him just a little. Seventh period, his homeroom class as well as his Algebra II, would prove much more fruitful.
“I do say, my lady,” Chance’s familiar remarks towards women caught Felix’s ear as he entered the room at a brisk pace. Chance was leaning over a girl’s desk, with a few cupcakes sitting on a tray between them. “I would ask for one of these delectable sweets, but I don’t think any of them would compare in taste to your tender kiss...~”
“Oh, uh...” the girl buried her face into her hands as her face began to redden. “Y-you can have one... if you like...!”
“Thank you, my dear~!” Chance stood and bowed like a performer who’d just displayed his masterful piece before he swiftly snatched a baked treat and commenced in eating it like an ill-mannered child.
“Hey, what’s this?” Felix asked, approaching him with just the faintest of smiles. “Pawning birthday cupcakes off of a classmate?”
Then, Felix felt as though his throat constricted. Chance shot him a casual look and then turned away as though he thought Felix had been talking to someone else. It was as though the two had never been acquainted. Felix, in an embarrassed state, turned to find his seat next to a short, dark-haired boy who looked just a little familiar. The pale classmate shot Felix a faint, aloof smile before leaning back in his chair, crossing his ankles over his desk, and placing his hands behind his head in a lax pose. Little did Felix know that this familiar figure was his co-worker Sebastian, who was more than willing to talk, but was always the type who was afraid to initiate conversation without his oversized cloak to veil his face. Thus was the case for many people he encountered when not in his outfit of choice, and so many people failed to realize that this Sebastian was the same one seen at Triton’s own Cafe du Chance.
Nicolette soon came in the door, and Felix’s shoulders raised to prepare a greeting when she walked right on past him without a second glance and went over to her own little group of friends. Felix called to her under his breath, but let out a sigh when she didn’t hear.
Amorette shared similar emotions to Sebastian and Felix, for she sat in the back corner of the room with her hair styled differently than usual. She, too, was unlikely to speak unless spoken to, and since people scarcely noticed her except in fear of her tall posture, this was not very often.
It was Daffodil, Felix recalled, that would finally make things clear as she entered the room and sat on Felix’s other side. He shared with her his feelings on the whole things and asked why everyone was oh-so different here today.
“Did I offend anyone?” Felix asked, tilting his head to the side as he interrogated the girl who was, perhaps, the Cafe’s most rational employee. She laughed lightly.
“Chill out, Felix,” she said with a brush of her hand through her hair. “The Cafe is how we all met up. Before that, we’ve had our own little groups of friends and stuff. At school, we go back to those groups because we see each other all the time at the shop, anyway!” Her smile turned into a half-smile. “Chance uses his charm every day, and he worries that if he has anyone constantly hanging around him at school, people will assume that he’s taken by one of us in our groups (what with how affectionate he is towards friends), and his persuasive skill and charm will be useless.”
“...What?” the young critic tilted his head even more than before, the crown of his head almost parallel to his desk now. The two of them laughed, and Sebastian, in the background, tried to laugh as well, but all that would come out were nervous gasps of air that were inaudible to most humans.
“Don’t worry, though,” Dill continued, commencing in preparing her things for that day’s lesson. “I didn’t really get involved in any crowds or groups or anything. I’ll gladly be just as friendly towards you here at school, too!”
Felix smiled a little brightly for his character. “Thanks!”
Meanwhile, Sebastian remained silent; he too frightened to speak up and say that he felt likewise.
* * *
“If I weren’t a freshie, I’d be in that class, too!” Keenan puffed his cheeks youthfully as Felix’s tale came to a close.
“I bet so.” Felix bent his knees just a little so that he could more easily ruffle his little coworker’s hair. “If you ever see me at the school, though, know that I’ll talk to you as much as you like, okay?”
Keenan nodded with a bright expression. “What else can you tell from the photos?”
“Let’s see, then!” Felix placed the first picture back into the box as he continued to shuffle through the Cafe’s memories.
Ch. 9: END.
“Isn’t this just great?!” Jarrod exclaimed to Felix and Chance. “We get to spend the entire weekend here and get pampered like we deserve!” he twirled around gracefully in the room they were assigned, which was down the hall from the girls’ room. Felix allowed himself to smile ever so slightly, and it would have been a bigger smile if Chance wasn’t in the same room as him. It was beginning to become a hassle that he was under constant supervision, even on an all expense paid vacation! After unpacking, the three guys went to the indoor swimming pool to relax.
Elsewhere, the girls, Amoretta, Emma Lee, Daffodil, and Nicolette, were relaxing in the massage parlor, getting treated like royalty. They got pedicures and massages and all of the luxurious treatments one would expect from a 4 ½ star hotel.
“Don’t you think we should, uh, look for the boys? They could be getting into all sorts of trouble...” Amoretta chimed.
“Nah, they’ll be fine. After all how much trouble could three teenage boys get into?” Daffodil said merrily. Nicolette had to stifle her laughter.
How much trouble, you ask? Too much trouble for even highly trained security officers to handle! Though the Ferdinand one seems pretty okay. At least he doesn’t flirt with everyone.
With that topic over, they sank into a strange mix of gossip and excited chat over subjects of interest.
After having soaked and having exhausted themselves from swimming, the boys retreated to their rooms, but not before looking around the large building for the second time. They said their hellos when they ran into the girls and, of course, everyone got Felix’s name wrong. It’s just kind of a thing that will keep happening. They took showers and changed into more comfortable attire. Chance suggested walking to a park, and having nothing better to do than go to the salon, they did, much to Jarrod’s protests.
They walked along a cement path and joked around, acting rambunctious, as young boys do. In short, they bonded outside of the workplace, which is not a common activity for the young working class. The staff, while infuriatingly quirky, each one of them found a trait that they could be proud of. Jarrod’s protectiveness, Chance’s honesty, and Felix’s common sense. The girls fared just as well, Learning about each other’s interests and passions.
By the time the weekend was up, a profound connection had been forged between the coworkers of the coffee shop, Cafe du Chance. The returned to work, a little less frustrated with each other’s flaws, and a little more accepting of each other’s strengths and contributions. Like the machine of their creation and business got a well timed greasing. The machine was now whirring, and all the cogs meshing, and everybody was happy to be a part of it.
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