Amanda.

Highly anxious, always caffeinated. Too much sass, too little patience.

[duhtrinity]

I'm just so tired of being here

(These are my poems, my dms and ask are always open)

[takemeawayfr]

i thought it was obvious

my grades started dropping,

my room looked like a mess

my smile and my appetite disappeared,

I stopped talking to my friends and just stayed in my room all day

but somehow

nobody noticed

no one helped me or asked me if I'm okay

I was completely alone and it ate me up inside

[broken-to-society-2]

You wake up

You go to work

You work hard

You get home

You try to eat something because you haven’t yet today

You stare are the ceiling or the wall for hours

You can’t cry because your emotions have shut off by now

If you’re lucky you eventually fall asleep

You wake up no sooner than you have to

You go to work and start again

All this just so you can

Pay rent on time

Buy enough food to keep you alive

Buy your prescriptions to keep you alive

Put money into savings for a future you don’t even want

I don’t want to be here

It’s been such a long journey and it’s not getting better

My hope is thinner than ever

It’s getting harder and harder to pretend I’m fine

[bnmxfld]

“I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too.”

— Heather Davis / The Clearing

[poems-and-word]

Poems & Words

[exhaustedborderline]

[silently-screaming-insidee]

Yeah breakups do hurt, but have you ever watched your best friend slowly turn into a complete stranger, that shit hurts

[brokenflicker]

"I stopped telling people that I was okay. I started reaching out for help. I started opening up, but what I didn't realize was that it didn't matter whether you tell them or not. They will never care enough to be there."

— notes from the mentally ill girl

[i-just-want-to-disappear]

“And I’m sorry, but this is not what I signed up for. I didn’t expect things to get this hard, and I didn’t ever think it could get this unbearably exhausting to just make it through the day.”

—

[duhtrinity]

I'm just so tired of being here

(These are my poems, my dms and ask are always open)

[diphyllia-grayi]

there is a point in your depression where you just give up on getting better but you still won’t kill yourself. you just float around in this state of nothingness and don’t notice anything around you because you’re just so numb and you just don’t want to anything about it anymore

[buried-under-these-words]

[ninasdrafts]

““We used to be close”, I say, but what I really mean is “I lost her and I don’t know how to get her back”, it’s “I’m sorry, but I can’t even remember what I did wrong”. When pride gets in the way and it’s difficult to own up to your mistakes, we tend to bury our apologies beneath fake smiles and empty words we do not mean. Suddenly we talk about the weather and our jobs, about things we know no one really cares about, and then we talk about nothing at all, our silence filling the spaces we carved between our outstretched hands. Sometimes your name pops up on my facebook and it makes me stop scrolling, because I still want to know what you’re up to and it kind of makes me sad because it no longer feels the same. It’s like I’m looking at a faded photograph I can no longer touch, I can no longer be a part of. I still want to know if you’re happy, and I hope you are, even if your happiness lies no longer with me. Even if you no longer share it, telling me of your latest adventures, no longer whisper secrets that smell like red wine and cherries, I still want to know. You can avert your eyes and pretend that you don’t see me in the streets, you can block my number. You don’t have to say hello to me ever again, even though we never really said goodbye. I can’t take back the things I told you and can’t erase the way I know you and always will. The memories we made sit in the back of my mind like deadweight, dragging me down, but I can’t forget. I won’t let myself forget. All the writers, the singers and our mothers tell us about heartbreak and about love gone to waste. About the tears we will cry and how it will hurt but won’t matter years down the road. But what about friendships ending? What about friends turning into strangers? I wish there was a warning about some friendships coming with an expiration date. I wish we sometimes remembered that two people can part ways from one day to the next when they’d sworn they’d never end. I wish more of us acknowledged that losing a friend is as gutting as a failed relationship.”

— we used to be close / n.j.

[sad-lonely-broken]

”I wanted to kill myself a long time ago, was always close to it. I did not do it because I was afraid to explain myself if it didn‘t work.“

— sad-lonely-broken

[itsbulimicdyingtobeskinnyagain]

“And do you really want to live until you’re old? And tell your grand kids that you spent your entire life trying to survive the war within yourself?”

—

[ninasdrafts]

“All these years it was hope that kept you going. Hope that things had changed and that you’d gotten better when in truth you only tore down your old walls to build up new ones. Shed one layer of armour, one layer of skin just to grow another that hid you away from the world. Don’t you understand that I’m waiting for you to come out of hiding? That I’m desperate to see everything you’re trying so hard to conceal? That I don’t care about the dark parts you carry inside, about the things that belong in your past? When it used to be hope that kept you from drowning, I hope your next anchor can be my hand. That you’ll reach for it when you feel too tired to stay afloat and hold on to it when I stretch it out for you. And that you’ll let me help you free you brick by brick. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there.”

— brick by brick / n.j.

[thoughtkick]

“I like to listen. I have learnt a lot from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

— Ernest Hemingway (via perfeqt)