CaffeinatedNeet

(꒪ཀ꒪) ♡ ᴇᴍᴏ ɢɪʀʟ ♡ ⊹𝟸𝟶 ʏ/ᴏ ʟᴏsᴇʀ⊹... ❝ᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴀᴅᴅɪᴄᴛ❞ →ᴄʀɪɴɢᴇ (⸝⸝๑ ̫ ๑⸝⸝⸝) ✦ ɴᴇᴇᴛ : ʜɪᴋɪᴋɪᴍᴏʀɪ ✦ ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

[caffeinatedneet]

[caffeinatedneet]

In all honesty it really do be like that sometimes. I’m just too used to doing things on my own! T^T

[caffeinatedneet]

[caffeinatedneet]

Whenever I’m minding my business and overall just existing, I would randomly remember about death and that ALWAYS tend to spike my anxiety. I’m aware it’s a path that everyone goes down to, and in all honesty despite my raging fear for the end I also find it rather beautiful as well.

[caffeinatedneet]

[luvmytrauma]

[caffeinatedneet]

My family are planning on going on a trip to Las Vegas next month, and at first I was pretty excited but the more I think about joining them I kinda just don’t want to go anymore. Maybe it’s just because of my fickleness, or maybe it’s because I know I’ll feel abandoned by everyone because I’m “boring” I’m thinking on just staying home with the pets. My family won’t notice a difference since they’ll have my sister and youngest brother with his basketball games or how my oldest brother is getting eloped with his fiancée.

[caffeinatedneet]

I’m trying to think on what to do for my birthday, I’ll be spending it with my family but I’ll also be by myself too at the end of the day. (I don’t really have any irl friends) Any suggestions on what I can do by myself on my 21st birthday?

(I’m not planning on drinking too much and I don’t enjoy gambling)

[caffeinatedneet]

So as of right now, I’ve been slowly introducing myself to start wearing shorts again ever since my sudden relapse a while or so ago. Because I really want to wear short-shorts and a really cute leopard top for my 21st birthday next week on the 13th, so hopefully everything will heal up until then and if not I can wear some black flared pants

[caffeinatedneet]

I swear, people on Marvel Rivals are something else(some of the players) like I was playing Practice Vs. AI because I needed to practice more on Emma Frost. And some Magik Player wanted to report one of the players who’s playing as Black cat because they’re playing bad. Again, THIS IS PRACTICE VS. AI! This is a game mode for you to practice a character and overall get a feel for the mechanics! I swear some of the people on that game can be a little dense sometimes and it’s frustrating!

[caffeinatedneet]

My Life, 24/7 <3

[caffeinatedneet]

Happy pride month everyone, I absolutely adore this month because of Pride and also it’s because it’s my birthday month! Turning 21 on the 13th, can’t wait to enjoy a monster cocktail! Might want to do strawberry flavored or maybe a melon flavor!.. Also a very big step as well since I want to go out for my birthday too, so I’m getting a little edible gummy to ease my nerves when leaving the house because I want to do a ghost tour with my dad and do some extra shopping!

[silkangelkisses]

[caffeinatedneet]

Back then I tried so hard to be different, try to be unique and better than my sister because everyone around me has always praise and have their attention on her. (Mostly my dad) always saying how smart and how many hobbies she has that they always love to see… Seeing her play instruments, go through ballet, and overall be happy for her or always worry for her by some stupid health reason.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Because I feel like no matter what I do I would forever be in her shadow, it’s hard. REALLY hard, and when news broke out that she’s autistic my mom told me that my sister didn’t need to keep thinking on what’s wrong with her or why she’s weird. WHAT ABOUT ME?! I’ve always thought what was wrong with me, but have they even asked about me or even checked up on me? NO. So at the end of the day I’m just rotting in my room, isolating from everyone because that’s my only talent. Hiding from everyone and use my imagination to escape this reality, it’s what I’m good at.

[caffeinatedneet]

As someone who’s 20 and soon to be 21 next month, I don’t really have my life together which I’m aware sounds odd since people my age are still figuring their lives out. But what I meant is that the people In my small town, that I used to go to school with have done so much with their lives. It’s weird, like I know life isn’t a race but it feels like it is. I cannot help but wonder what I’ve done differently with my life but I know at the end of the day I cannot help but compare my life to others.

[tiredkibty]

[caffeinatedneet]

As someone who has experienced emotional neglect, it’s hard to open up to my family that are trying to better themselves. I’m terrified to speak about my own emotions or overall feelings because I was always told throughout my whole childhood that I was being overdramatic and overall a very sensitive individual. I can’t help being sensitive, it’s who I am and I’m finally okay being sensitive it’s just I wish I wasn’t dismissed or feel invalidated. So majority of the time I just shut down and hide in my bedroom to calm myself down because that’s what I’m used to doing. Figuring stuff out on my own.