I am suntanned and very drunk.Ā It is still early, only a little after noon, but it feels like I have been lying on this towel for days.Ā Iāve heard that time flies when youāre in love, or something like that, and itās true.Ā Iāve never been so in love with my backyard pool.Ā This has been the best afternoon Iāve had in a while, just me and this bottle of wine, under the hot summer sun.Ā Aaah.Ā My arm is heavy and slow as I push my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose.Ā They are too large for me but I wear them anyways.Ā I grabbed them out of my parents room before the funeral, years ago, and now I wear them like a fashion statement.Ā They arenāt doing a good job of keeping the sun out of my eyes.Ā I feel dizzy from the heat, or maybe from the wine.Ā An old friend of Dadās used to giggle and say that being drunk off of wine feels like being in love.Ā That seems like an eternity ago.Ā Now I understand what he meant, and I giggle too, thinking of him and Dad as dumb young drunk kids, like me and my little brother are now.Ā Well, Iām drunk, and Mark, my little brother, would be too, if he wasnāt busy smoking pot and playing videogames.Ā He can do the best cannonballs in the neighborhood, probably because heās too fat for a kid whoās only fifteen.Ā I always yell at him to lose weight, or else he wonāt kiss a girl until heās thirty seven.Ā I donāt think he cares.Ā He doesnāt care about much of anything.Ā He was too young when Dad died.Ā I take a gulp of wine and hiccup and roll over on my towel, giggling because the world is spinning.Ā Mom doesnāt always notice the bottles of wine missing from the pantry, she gets too distracted by work.Ā Itās a week day, Monday I think.Ā Or maybe Tuesday.Ā I lost track of the days when school got out and summer started, but that was months ago.Ā Time flies, right?Ā Mom keeps nagging me to pack my room because Iām moving next week.Ā I want my little brother to come out and swim, to break the poolās still surface when his fat ass jumps in.Ā Iām worried what will happen to him when I leave for college.Ā His grades have been slipping again, faster than dadās big glasses on my small head.Ā Mark and I used to hotbox my truck in the parking lot before school with his nerdy friend Phil.Ā Phil is the only kid Mark will talk to, apart from me.Ā Phil is tall and skinny and has kissed two girls, they say opposites attract, and Phil is the exact opposite of Mark.Ā They match each other at ping-pong, they can play sudden death for hours.Ā Itās a breathtaking site to behold.Ā I shouldnāt worry about Mark.Ā He can smoke pot with Phil in the bushes before school starts, when Iām gone.Ā Maybe Iām just worried about myself.Ā Itās so hot, my skin is sticky and itchy, but Iām tanning nicely, I think, the world is spinning.Ā The gardeners are making a racket with the lawn mower, theyāre shouting at each other in Spanish and itās making me want a taco.Ā I wonder whatās in the fridge.Ā I wonder if they want me to move (but Iām so drunk and hot and lazy).Ā I am worried about myself, Iām worried about getting run over by a lawnmower, Iām worried I wonāt be able to find a taco.Ā Slowly I start moving my stiff body.Ā Itās a process because I am sun burnt, not suntanned.Ā I drop the bottle of wine as I stumble inside, tripping over my towel.Ā Nothing spills because I drank it all, but the bottle shatters all over the hardwood floor.Ā The world is spinning and there is broken glass everywhere but I donāt care so I laugh because Iām happy.
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