Hit me with a brick.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Humans that have been genetically engineered so that the ends of their hair glows.Purposefully done so that it always is the persons least favorite color.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Effexor withdrawal hits hard. Miss one dose and by noon the next day I’m experiencing a feeling like electric shocks in my head. Shame on me for falling asleep early I guess. smh

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Do people on this site type in all lowercase because they are lazy or to convey emotion?

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Had a flashback to the day I realized that while I was an asexual, an atheist, and a vegetarian, I was also all those things at once and may be a stereotype.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

*Alone with my single follower.*

“So, Cheezbot, should I post something new?”

*The bot echoes the silence of the void.*

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

My D&D character so far:

I, Gaudy, am a warlock’s patron. They wear me like a scarf.

My warlock is named Madly Sadly. They’re a nonbinary young adult with bushy blue hair. They wear a crown or halo of stars. They are an exhausted bitch and often have bags under their eyes. Their ethnicity is unspecified but I envision them as darker skinned.

Madly’s costume design includes a straw, for unknown reasons.

Sometimes Madly puts me in the timeout jar.

We met one day not long after Madly left home. They stepped on a pile of pink goop in the woods, and we’ve been together ever since.

It’s a simple relationship. Madly learns magic. Gaudy gets to hitch a ride and nibble on treats.

An uncooperative Gaud may be bribed with snacks.

Gaudy is generally not allowed to touch the sword. Often, Gaudy does indeed touch the sword, to everyone’s dismay.

On a related note, Gaudy can spit out weapons and other objects, not unlike a cat with hairballs. Nobody knows why or how. These objects are rarely good or useful, and you are more likely to receive a butter knife than a sword. They are always sticky and slightly chewed.

tumblr give me your character headcanons

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Gaudy can be flung like a projectile weapon at an opponent. Results vary.

“Do NOT touch the sword” *gaudy curls around sword like a boa constrictor & hisses*

Like many warlocks, Madly wears robe-like clothing. It is strongly implied most of these clothes are bathrobes. But they’re covered in stars and celestial patterns so no one is 100% certain. Madly’s clothing choices are as ambiguous as their gender.

“I am going into my jar to sulk”

Sometimes Madly wears a starry veil. This is mysterious and sexy etc of them, but really it’s just to cover messy hair & avoid eye contact. They are chronically sleep deprived and do not want to talk. Sometimes they take a nap under it.

Madly is your typical tired & confused millennial/gen z. They are sick of dealing with the world’s problems and just want to go back to bed.

After a large meal Gaudy may be used as a cloak

“STOP cuddling the sword BAD Gaud”

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

@mkay-thats-cool-too did this incredible design!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I’m about to reblog some new fanart of this character, for those who haven’t seen this yet.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Livestream is this Sunday!

May 31st, 2:30pm Pacific Time (5:30 Eastern time). Link will be posted here!

[calciumbasedlifeform]

My Kingmaker character:

 Name Blythe

Gender: Male

Alignment: Lawful Good

Race: Aasimar(Angel-Blooded)

Class: Monk(Scaled Fist)1/ Magus(Sword Saint)19

Black wavy hair (medium length), white af, glowing eyes due to race, can produce a halo of light

Specialized with a longsword.

Is drawn to adventure by his overwhelming curiosity. Has a very “Hands Off” interpretation of “good” that can lead to being not so hands off at all. Is disallowed alcohol. Very twitchy. Neck twitches to the right when anxious. Doesn’t like to keep his hands still. Likes heavy boots. Likes to spin in circles. Always thirsty. Is disallowed alcohol. Covets his glorious cape dearly. Vegetarian. Easily amused by conversation. Very knowledgeable. Is searching for happiness through material possessions. Should not be given anything that can be “twirled.”

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Gaud: ARM

Madly: there’s only four fingers

Gaud: Good. That’s the optimal finger number.

Madly: I mean… you’re wrong but ok.

credit: @thatsmollfluff​

[calciumbasedlifeform]

The optimal number is two actually.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

No seriously. This is the exact music that people put on video compilations of reddit post telling spooky stories.

What.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Reverse Romeo and Juliet

Two living dead that know each other through the bond between their families are resurrected  by their shared hatred of each other.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Do you suppose there are mole furries who are just like... W

[calciumbasedlifeform]

*Mumbling in front of the mirror.*

easy, greasy, cover meeee e

[calciumbasedlifeform]

I need like... time, but less as a concept, and more as a currency. Ya’ know?

[calciumbasedlifeform]

I keep having flashbacks to dreams that have been forgotten for years lately. I wonder what else is hiding in my skull...

[calciumbasedlifeform]

The world would be a much nicer place if Santa Clause existed as an objective authority on morality. Fight me.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

Richard and Bill torture.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

A clear choice.

Who calls it a cemetary? Graveyard and boneyard are much better. And I challenge any traveller of this electric void to convince me otherwise.

[calciumbasedlifeform]

The ideal predator.