Ashton: Were you a Benji or a Joel girl?
Calum: ASHTONIO IRWEENIE!
Calum: Fuck, Ashton's coming. Everyone hide.
Calum: It smells like poop in here.
*Talking about their first album*
Calum: My sister's friend's brother gave me a burnt CD-
Ashton: I can't listen to this story.. it involves piracy.
Interviewer: Can you name any similarities between you guys and One Direction because you know.. you guys are obviously a bit more punk rock.
Ashton: No, no, yeah.. we have the same genitals.
Calum: Hi guys, I'm here with Ashton and we're watching the worst movie ever. It's called The Human Centipede and Ashton was like "this movie is great man, you should watch it"
Ashton: No I never, ever said that!
Calum: And it's about a bunch of people eating each others buttholes.
Ashton: Mmmmmm butthole. *Giggles uncontrollably*
Michael: Oh my god it smells so bad in here!
Ashton: Because I farted.
Ashton: I'm quite nervous... as you CAN see my nipples through this shirt.
Luke: That's how you know Ashton is nervous for a show.
Ashton: My nipples get hard.
Calum: Ashton's gonna be a sex slave
Ashton: *taken back* WHAT?! That's not a super hero!
Luke: I think it's "hoe" no wait, oh my god that's not it. I'm so sorry."
Michael: Ashton you never steal my underwear.
Ashton: Yeah because it's your underwear and it has like your... butt in them and I don't want to wear that.
Luke: Welcome back to cheffing with Ashton and Luke!
Ashton: Yeah well if they eat testicles in their state I'm gonna eat them.
Michael: I vow right now that I will not be eating testicles.
Ashton: I'll eat testicles.
Luke: I'LL EAT YOUR TESTICLES IF YOU MAKE ME EAT THEM TESTICLES.
Luke: Can't one man hug another man from behind?!
Ashton: CAN'T ONE MAN NOT HUG ANOTHER MAN FROM THE BEHIND?!
Calum:.... while they are both naked.
Interviewer: And actually one lady was so persistent I said I would ask for her.
*ashton turns to calum and just starts giggling*
Ashton: I just said chicken for some reason.
Interviewer: What would you do if you woke up with pepperoni for nipples?
Luke: Umm well I really like pepperonis so I might eat them...
Ashton: Are they detachable?
*Calum looks confused and disgusted*
Luke: Okay do they just look like pepperoni or are they actually pepperoni? Because if they were real pepperoni I would eat them.
Calum: Luke that's disgusting.
Michael: That's gross cause then you're eating your nipples.
*Luke trying to defend himself*
Luke: Yeah but they're pepperoni not nipples!
Michael: No you know what Luke? You are the biggest asshole in the morning.
*Luke trying to defend himself*
Michael: Like even when you're in a good mood you're still a dick.
Calum: Tell me how good looking I am.
Ashton: Is this a weird thing you want me to do or...
Calum: J-just speak to me.
Ashton: You're a naughty boy Calum.
Calum: More! Tell me more.
Luke: Just dropped a peanut in my belly button... do I eat it or...
Calum: Me and Ash keep the band... well, we are pretty much the band and these guys just add a bit of treble.
Michael: SORRY CALUM. I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO.
Michael: Luke is passed out next to a bowl of nachos. This is the best day of my life.
Morning Luke: I'm so tired I almost put this bowl of cereal in the toilet.
Ashton: Mikes bod is incredible .
Luke: You should see his wiener.
Ashton: IT'S NOT GOING TO SAY HELLO! IT'S A COW LUKE.
Calum: It's my microwave!
Ashton: It's not you microwave.
*uncontrollable giggling*
PLZ PLZ ADD TO THIS IF YOU CAN OMG:D
Ashton: MICHAEL YOU ARE YELLING!
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