In a relationship with food

[californiasushi]

Hi, world.

Hi, world. It’s been a while.

I just got home from school. Tired of studying for almost 6 hours (but with Facebook and IG in between, of course). I recently installed in my phone an app called “Focus” which is boasted to make you focus on your tasks. It has a setting in which you will input the desired hour you would like to be undisturbed. Once set in, you will have to keep your hands from your phone and stop fidgeting because otherwise, the seeded plant will be killed. I don’t think I made sense. Bruh. I’m just tired.

But really, why do I need to focus on? My career? I guess I have to. But sometimes, motivation is a bitch because it ain’t helping you move forward. I have a hallow part in me that needs to be filled. Studying for my dreams to come true is burdensome at times. I need something invigorating. Something that will excite me for what’s to come.

Maybe watching F1 and football again would help. However, I don’t have the budget to subscribe for cable TV. Maybe I have to find a hobby. It’s not that easy, though.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired. Tired of life, in general.

[reyes-deeuropa-deactivated20200]

Martin Odegaard celebrates after scoring a goal against Barakaldo CF.

[iscores]

Odegaard

Lilly from Hannah Montana

[californiasushi]

Puta! If ever I lose my temper on that fucking professor, I won’t hesitate to drop her subject. 

When a student doesn’t attend classes, he’s gonna be reprimanded. But when the professor doesn’t attend classes, it’s okay? TANGINA TALAGA AYUSIN MO NAMAN TRABAHO MO HINDI YUNG ESTUDYANTE YUNG PINUPUNTIRYA MO TANGINA KA!! PUTANGINA PAG AKO TALAGA DI NAKATIIS IDA-DROP TALAGA KITA. HINDI TAMA YUN. PORKET MARAMING ABSENT, BOYCOTT AGAD? EHH ANUNG TAWAG MO SA DI MO PAG-PASOK SA KLASE LAST WEEK? NANGGAGAGO KA BA TANGINA KA?????//? PUTANGINA TALAGA ALAM KO MABAIT KA PA PERO PUTA UNFAIR KA!!! 

IKAW NA YUNG NAGIGING DAHILAN KUNG BAKIT GUSTO KO NA LUMIPAT NG IBANG SCHOOL.

[californiasushi]

Fuck this

This might be one of the provocative write-up I’ll be posting here on my account. I know that personal issues have to be kept privately, but I have no other means to vent what I’m thinking and feeling as of today. I need some breather, and Tumblr is the only way I know that would suffice such need.

It’s not about boys, it’s not about friends. It’s about me and how I’m coping up with the newest journey I took risk to venture. This is about my graduate studies -- and how things aren’t turning the way I wanted them to be.

Studying has never been my problem. I know I can do all the reading. I’ve been there and done that for almost 14 years. Every single day, expect for summer season, I usually scan my notes and books just to refresh my mind of the lessons I took up from the previous classes. It’s a normal routine -- nothing is new.

I also have no problem when it comes to understanding topics. As a Political Science graduate, I have been trained to analyze. Political scenarios, economic dilemmas, social problems -- all of those were difficult aspects to ponder. Very difficult. In fact, in studying politics, there is no right or wrong. Politics is an evolving field, no constants, no permanents. So in the 4 years of being a student of politics, I can say that my analysis skills are in good condition.

But I don’t understand why I’m having a hard time now that I’m gradually making steps in reaching my dream, given the fact that there should be no excuse for me to have difficulties because of what I’ve been through especially in college. Studying law is hard, I knew that even before I entered high school. Political Science is also hard too, or can I say harder. And yet I managed to survive the field. But now...

I don’t doubt whether I really am destined to become a lawyer. I’ve convinced myself so many times that the only purpose why I’m living is to present myself in the courtroom, defend my client, present my argument before the judge, and have a title of “Atty.” before my name. I knew from the very start that being a lawyer is what I have to be. Nothing else can ever eclipse such dream of mine. 

But I don’t know why I’m like this... not attending classes because I’m not prepared, not able to wake up in the middle of the night to study. That’s so not me. I wasn’t like that during college. 

Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to manage my time. Maybe it’s because instead of studying, I always choose to sleep. Maybe it’s because I’m a slow reader. There are many maybes, but I guess all of them boils down to my incapability of building up an efficient time management. 

However, I don’t think that’s the only problem. I know I really use my time for studying, but there are really lots of things to study, and I only have one body. I can’t do all things at the same time. I’m not a superhuman, I’m just a normal being trying to get out of some shits in life. Professors also bring problems too. They’re assigning cases as if there would be no tomorrow. Provisions 1 - 18 for one meeting, memorized PER WORD? The fuck, are they kidding me? How on earth could I do that? And it’s not just for a single subject. ALL SUBJECTS ARE GIVING POINTERS TO REVIEW THAT ARE BEYOND HUMAN INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY. Motherfucker!

AND THOSE PROFESSORS DON’T EVEN DISCUSS. THEY JUST ASK QUESTIONS. SO, IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL LEARNING? I THOUGHT LEARNING IS A TWO-WAY PROCESS, NOT A SINGLE EFFORT? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW ALL THESE LAW SHITS BECAUSE I’VE READ THEM. SURE, I CAN UNDERSTAND THEM SINCE I READ THEM. BUT GOSH, AT LEAST GUIDE ME TO WHAT IS RIGHT. Y’ALL PROFESSORS AND YOUR JOB IS TO TEACH, NOT TO QUESTION. IN FACT YOU ARE PAID TO TEACH -- I PAID YOU TO TEACH. BUT FUCK YOU CAUSE YOU DON’T DO YOUR JOBS!!!

I am so frustrated with the system here. I bet studying law is not this shitty in US. I’ve read articles, I’ve seen reviews, and I’ve watched video tips about studying law in US, and I can say that you’ll really learn the law there. Like HTGAWM as a living example. Sure, Annalise Keating requires recitation, but she also give some efforts to discuss what she asks for recitation. She even explains comprehensively the details of the case related to the topic they are studying for that moment. But here in the Philippines, discussions seem to be forgotten. Where’s education there? How the fuck can I learn if I’m the only one doing the job? THIS IS SHIT. 

ONE DAY, I’LL GO TO AMERICA. STUDY LAW THERE. SERVE THE PEOPLE THERE. LIVE THERE AND BE HAPPY. LIVING IN THIS SHIT COUNTRY WILL DO NO GOOD FOR ME. I’M FUCKING DONE WITH THE SYSTEM THIS FUCKING COUNTRY APPLIES. BULLSHITTING AS ITS FINEST. 

[californiasushi]

Lengthy post about to come up...

[californiasushi]

New golden rule: It’s either you don’t attend classes or you will get a low score on your recitation (even if you’ve prepared hard for it).

New golden question: Does incentive still matter if your grades are obviously failing? Does it make you less of a person to not attend class because your preparation is not enough?

I’m building up some strategies here, weighing the pros and cons of everything. I hope I will be enlightened.

[californiasushi]

Current progress: 4/45 case briefs, 2/18 provisions, 4/40 pages.

Ugh, if I only knew things would be so much easier when you’re a nerd, I wouldn’t hesitate to be one. And I wouldn’t mind to be one. 

[1000-life-hacks]

[californiasushi]

Weirdly, based on the two previous exams I took for the past few months, my grades in numerical or quantitative category are a lot higher than the verbal part -- with a difference of almost 4 points! That is a very unusual of me -- acing Math parts. 

Shocked yet happy, tho.

[rayvone-deactivated20200430]

[stopwhitepeopleforever]

My theme song

[bitchevans]

Chris Pratt: Behind the scenes of Jurassic World

[californiasushi]

I have a growing love for Chris Pratt. I’m saying my apologies in advance for the anticipated Chris Pratt-related spam. 

[californiasushi]

You know the feeling when you want to express on Tumblr the deepest feelings you feel but you are not confident enough to believe that a certain person you won't want to read your future post is not lurking invisibly on your site so you decide not to post it and just stay quiet while watching the birds fly until the feelings go away which is definitely impossible to happen that's why your tears will just flow uncontrollably and all of a sudden you're drowning and then you die but all of those situations are just small scenes from your dream and you expect to feel better after that but you won't because life is a bitch? I do.

[californiasushi]

Tomorrow, I shall bid goodbye to my freedom. Farewell to you, my tranquil days. Remind me everyday of your worth and how stupid I am to not choose you over a life under the rock.

[californiasushi]

I know this is a very late statement to declare... as in sooooooo so late... but for the record, Taylor Swift is becoming my spirit animal...

Gaah, I want the bangs, the outfits back from the Red (the album) days, the everythaaaaang!!

‘Pag ako talaga pumayat kagaya ni Mareng Taylor, magpapa-saboy ako ng Polaroid films. Lol

[versaceslut]