*Crapbook

★ODEE | Manila, PH Nostalgic over good times :) (All sketches, graphics, handlettering works, etc. are mine unless stated otherwise)

[theburninghouse]

Name: Stef Age: 23 Location: Adelaide, Australia Occupation: Sales, Accounting, Bookkeeping. Website: http://kerri-and-eva.tumblr.com,

Instagram: @stefanieroj

As someone who’s actually been through the ‘house is burning’ situation, there are very few thoughts that help you to process. You come to acknowledge that everything you once had were just things and nothing more, if only to help you heal. You are thankful that no one got hurt. You don’t think about your favourite book or camera gear, no matter how much you spent on it. Those are not the things you’ll cry over, and they’re not the things that will still make you cry to think about years later.

The teddy bear above is one that I bought after my house burnt down. He’s lovely and I was thankful for him when I had nothing, but he’s just not the same.

[callmebymyusername]

idk, but i miss what tumblr used to be.

I can't describe it. It's one of those things where you just gotta be there to understand fully.

Anyway, how's everyone doing lately?

[callmebymyusername]

X Wave Specialty Coffee, Maginhawa, QC 17th May 2025

[callmebymyusername]

*smirks in hypocricy*

[callmebymyusername]

(1) 2 AM noodle snack at Funhan. I have very low tolerance to spicy foods so my options at Funhan are not a lot. I went for a stir fried cheesy non-spicy noodle variant; unfortunately I didn't enjoy it as much. I'll try a different one next time.

(2) Chapter Coffee in Antipolo is my go-to coffee shop for its fast wifi and friendly baristas. Tried their new "Orange Blossom" summer drink, a glass of orange juice and shot of espresso. It's the most terrible "coffee" I've tasted. I'll go back to iced latte and never deviate from my usual again!

(3) Sunset in between office buildings.

(4) In my journal: "Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing; ink is the cure for all human illness" - C.S. Lewis

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📸 iPhone 13, vintage filter processed via Dazz Cam app

[dinchenix]

Expelled from Word, he is now trying to contact you through other programs...

[callmebymyusername]

I need Clippit to make a comeback

[callmebymyusername]

Sunset view from the office.

[thetypewriterdaily]

holding on feels safer, doesn’t it? but sometimes, what you’re holding onto is exactly what’s holding you back. i hope you find the courage to release and let go, to free yourself from what no longer serves you. what belongs to you will flow to you with ease when there’s room to receive it. may the space you create bring something new, something meaningful, something magical into your life 🫧🌈💓💌🎁🌻✨

[callmebymyusername]

I've always considered 'Mercury' my breakup song since hearing it for the first time in 2018. Finding myself in yet another ending (at the start of 2025 no less), the lyrics continue to capture my feelings better than I could ever put into words.

This is not how the lyrics go chronologically, but this is how I hear it:

All that I've known to be of life All that I felt within my arms All that I said to get it right All that I thought to be precise All that I've known to be at peace All that I've known to be of love All that I dream You ran off with it all And I am faithful And I am speechless And I am steadfast And I am restless And I am desperate Now I am messed up And I am sorry

I thought for sure she was the one. I thought this was it. I was ready to do the work.

They said I'm wonderful. They said I deserve better. They said there's someone out there who will love me for me. Well, where the fuck is she?!

[thetypewriterdaily]

it hurts to let go of what you’ve grown, of what you’ve known. when you’ve nurtured something—whether it’s a relationship, a dream, or even a belief—there’s a natural attachment to it. letting go often feels like a loss, stirring up fear and uncertainty about the future. it’s easy to get stuck in that fear, thinking that clinging to the past will keep you safe. but try not to resist this change. let go, even when it feels uncomfortable, because holding on too tightly only stifles what’s meant to bloom next 🍂🧸🍄‍🟫🌅🫧

[callmebymyusername]

Day 50: Unfriended

FIfty days after the breakup, she unfriended me in all her social media.

I remember the last time I saw her. I said, “I want to leave here with us on good terms. We’re not gonna be like other ex-couples who are bitter and will unfriend and block each other in social media. We won’t do that. Because despite what happened, I honestly believe we can be friends at some point. We can do it.”

She said yes. It wasn’t a promise. But for 50 days, she kept her word.

Until today.

Not gonna lie, part of me feels sad about it. I know that the door has been closed for a while now, but this is like locking it for good. And the part of me that still carries on a little bit of hope somehow, is devastated.

The good news is there’s also a part of me that knows that this may just be the final closure that I need. I no longer have to hold on to an imaginary future of us together. I can now move forward without considering whether or not the day will come when she will take me back.

This is just another confirmation of our ending that I have to come to terms with. But what an uncanny coincidence that it happened exactly 50 days after.

[callmebymyusername]

I found her this year and lost her this year, and sometimes life just be fuckin' like that.

[callmebymyusername]

Day 23

How are you today?

I find this a weighted question no matter who asks. Indeed, how am I?

For the most part, I’m okay. I’m no longer finding myself getting quiet often, or suddenly feeling the urge to slump in a corner and cry. My long drives are no longer filled with talking to myself about where it went wrong and what else could I have done.

For the most part, I’m managing. I went to an office party last Saturday, had a glass or two of Jägermeister mixed with soda (it did not make the Jäger taste any better) and a shot of tequila. I joked around with peers, jumped up and down to the beat of the DJ’s 2010 mix, trying to have a good fucking time.

For the most part, I’m good. My body is back to its lazy sleeping pattern. My appetite has returned, and so does the challenge of trying to eat less to supplement my boxing/gym rat era.

For the most part, I’m relatively better. It doesn’t mean I’m out of the woods.

I still get anxious whenever some memory of her surfaces in my mind. My days are more about surviving than anything, and right now it just feels like I’m going through the motions of existence: eating, working, breathing.

I don’t like it. I want to be on fire for something. I don’t like this version of me. I want to get up in the morning knowing for what exactly am I waking up for.

How long until that morning arrives?

[callmebymyusername]

I’m still tethered to her in a hundred ways, but I hope I’m severing the ties one by one every day.

[resqectable]

“Why should I be sad? I have lost someone who didn’t love me. But they lost someone who loved them.”

— Unknown

[callmebymyusername]

Day 12

It's the stubborn and romantic part of me. Logically, I agree with what everyone says: it wasn't my fault; she was a bit of a gaslighter because she pinned everything on me without taking any responsibility herself; the ending is an opportunity to start over with someone better, someone i truly deserve... etc. etc. I know all that.

But on mornings when I wake up in bed alone, the stubborn part of me says "but she's everything we want!" and the romantic part says "we have all this love and affection to give and no place to go!"

How many more mornings like this?

[callmebymyusername]

I picked up the last of my things at her place. It was uneventful compared to the last time we saw each other; no tears were shed this time.

I returned the very first letter she gave me, which she wrote back when things were still great between us. I told her, “I know I asked you to think about whether or not this is already final. But I also don’t want to be the kind of person who will keep bugging you for an answer. Things will happen when they happen. But I want to leave here with us on good terms.”

She nodded and smiled a grateful smile.

“I have to go,” I said. I got up and hugged her tight, and she hugged me back. I saw that the magnetic photo strip of the two of us were still on the same place at her fridge door.

I could tell that she was still thinking about it. But I don’t want to hold out hope.

I cried.