meandering thing

I am Callum James Baker. I enjoy creating and consuming music.

[anginea]

Not to be a decolonialist marxist but the concept of emotionality and compassion being incompatible, the opposite, and unmixable with intelligence is very fucking white. :/

[anginea]

I really need people to reflect on why (the ones who do) they conceive cruelty, disdain, lack of empathy, and disregard for the humanity of others, to be more compatible with “intelligence” than spirituality, compassion and sensitivity.

What such conceptions facilitate. Why it was a conception specifically and most strongly developed in Europe at the same time that they were in the process of colonizing and committing genocide everywhere else. At the time that the way race was created as a sociological concept was occurring.

Why they find violence and apathy to be more compatible with rationality than anything else, and anything short of that immediately eliminating rationality.

[callumjbaker]

when u not cool with urself so its hard to allow ppl to be cool with u

[callumjbaker]

need a wifi enabled heart monitor that publishes an archive of my notes when i die

[vazakinada]

There are a few people who manage to be close without being exploitive or intrusive and allow silence as much as words to take its space, they understand the direction of another person’s flow and never try to force it to fit their own, never meaninglessly disrupting it because they are in a state of active awareness and they feel and see the fine line between being affectionately instrumental to someone without being invasive. And those are just all too real in and to their personal vibe and it shines.

[callumjbaker]

i need to stop writing giant sad blocks of text into tumblr before deleting them and just try harder to be happy

[callumjbaker]

Visit Original Link

[callumjbaker]

Visit Original Link

[callumjbaker]

i found myself pinned to a tree by an avalanche wet screams and dry ice formed a sound i could understand ‘know me!’ we speak free headshot behind by the bigger man i said /i promise i’ll be around more/ never really promised myself to more shot myself in my big toe, stuck out, I had the patience /to know/

I found myself hollowed out with a withered hold, without help concave structures, eye holes like ice cream scoops too much blood to pump, so you withhold and hibernate for winter withdrew from the cinder, and since I've stoked the fires without tinder I said I promise, were my fingers crossed? Sending you songs then and now do our intentions cross tired of myself I blow out, throw down tired of myself I blow out, throw down 

[callumjbaker]

pretty bum(med)

[callumjbaker]

Careful now, that conversation starter was way too close to 'how are you doing?' and people generally don't talk to me after that.

[frogdealer]

why are 20 yr olds so sad Are u guys ok

[sharkboykdn]

No

[callumjbaker]

On a global scale our lives are going to be objectively tougher than the recent generations before ours. Not necessarily ‘worse’ because we do actually have the power to change the world around us. But that change is definitely tougher to see and to make.

As time passes, when young people go through what many call their ‘politically angry phase’, there is more and more to be angry about, and more to feel broken about. There is a much higher awareness of the conditioning we go through while we are younger in order to maintain status quo and hold those low, low still so that when we finally are able to step back and see it, we are angrier and more self-aware. I personally hadn’t even come to see myself as a real person with worth-while thoughts, feelings and ideas by the time I was 20. I was at rock bottom. I saw myself as a gross manifestation of fear, dishonesty and indulgence and I absolutely hated myself. I’d also just moved out of my country town to the middle of the city. My eye’s opened to a world where those who perpetuate fear, dishonesty and indulgence have rule & respect. We all share in the sinking feeling of seeing these people win, or seeing them manipulate and suppress under the guise of human progress or community benefits. But a whole lot of cognitive changes happen when you’re 20 and in the current state of the world where what is make-believe is becoming more real - and what is supposed to be real is becoming like make-believe - it makes sense that 20 y.o’s these days are feeling a lil fucked up.

[kaijuno]

People 👏  finally 👏 paying  👏

[callumjbaker]

still get the feeling everyone knows i’m mentally disabled but me and any encouragement I get, to do with anything, is nothing but ‘oh good on him for trying’

[callumjbaker]

crying to tumblr is great because I either exaggerate then realise I can’t take myself seriously enough to be anything but numb,

or I’m genuine and realise that public expression is my end point for emotional outbursts and that’s where it stops. 

[callumjbaker]

i feel like dirty oil in a world of beautiful warm water

[callumjbaker]

‘yeah dude i’ll be over in a sec’ as soon as my eyelashes dry and i’m certain i won’t crumble again

[callumjbaker]

maybe you wanted to caption the singing giraffe

‘i needed this’

but you didn’t

it didn’t help at all