Dear My Futureself

Here are the things i want to remind you

[calondokter]

A BOOK - The courage of being disliked

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52540429-berani-tidak-disukai" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img border="0" alt="Berani Tidak Disukai" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1570416550l/52540429._SX98_SY160_.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52540429-berani-tidak-disukai">Berani Tidak Disukai</a> by <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14541046.Ichiro_Kishimi">Ichiro Kishimi</a><br/> My rating: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3777178613">5 of 5 stars</a><br /><br /> This book explains about ideas coming from Alfred Adler in a dialogue form between a young man and a philosopher (i suppose it was between Kishimi and Koga). It will bring your pov to another level, how very different than we've been told. One of the theories is about how giving compliments is actually not a good thing since it creates a vertical relationship between the two person. <br />It'll open your mind to another level of consciousness and that to earn happiness without the need of validation from other. <br/><br/> <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/32528175-hipster-lemon">View all my reviews</a>

[calondokter]

2021 New Year Resolutions!

I can’t believe its been a year of 2020.

2020 was a tough year for the health of the world, but its actually pretty good for me. I spent most of my time at home, with my family. And i found that to be grateful of.

I am deeply sorry for those who lost their family member or their friend for covid viruses.

I hope next year would be different and safer for everyone to finally meet again and get to spend their time with their loved ones.

So here are some of my resolutions for the better me next year. I am in no control of the surroundings and what might be happening next year, but i can always choose to bettering myself all over again. 

Never get tired of hoping for some good changes!

1. I really, really, really want to achieve better scores on my exams. I want to be one of the smartest person among my colleagues. My scores for the past 123 semesters wasnt good, i got a lot of C+, and very lack of A and B. For the next semester, i’m promising myself i’ll get a lot of A. For the heck of myself becoming a good doctor, i have to be a good student first. I’ll study harder and smarter. My tip is to study with a friend, and by friend i mean by watching a youtube of a person studying live with the podomoro methods. (25 minutes focus, and 5 minutes break. After 4 session, take a 30 minute break) Or, 30 minutes focus and 10 minutes break, depends how i’m doing. I’ve gotten better scores at my finals last week, but not all good. I’ll be doing much better next semester and have my college-grading-chart going up and up and better and better and i will enjoy studying more and more and becoming the real me. 

I love studying i can’t lie. I love learning new things. For me, knowledge is power, it is something that can NEVER be taken away from you. Therefore, i must learn new things everyday, and keep being hungry of information all the time. Being stupid is a part of being smart. Stay foolish and keep learning. It doesnt have to be suffering, it can be challenging and hard. But where’s the value of it if it has been easy?

I believe i can be a good doctor and make myself proud of me, i always will.

2. Give more love, less hate! i want to be more mature.

I’m so sick of drama, and hating one another person and being rude and being mad to myself. I want to love more. It is going to be some people who wont like me no matter how i treat them. Screw them. They dont deserve my attention. They might annoy me, but i’m not their goal of life, their thoughts of me is just temporary, they too have a life. I shouldnt be worry for those who are not pleased by me. I am pleased by myself and thats enough to make me happy.

But you know who do?

My best friends. I can’t write those names because that wont be fair to be shouted out loud in a website like this. I’m keeping it all in my heart. And the person who always been there for me, since day one, keeping me alive, getting me some rest, giving me love and care and affection and attention of all time: me.

I want to give more love to myself, as well as educate myself, taking care of myself, compliment myself, and being there with me thru hard time and low time. I will always be mindful of what i’m doing.

3. Read more

I can’t stress this enough but reading wasnt really my preference of spending my time. It always counted as studying. So in the new year, i want to make it as a relaxing form of hobby for me. Like watching k-drama. i want to make my brain used to read.

I really want to enjoy reading books as much as i want to be a smart person. So, here for more chances to being a better me. Toward the best version of me!

I will be reading more self help books, not because i need help, but because i might use it to help others. Reading books are just like reading people’s mind. 

It opens our mind because we are trying to understand the point that the writer was trying to tell us. A book is only written by a person, that is why it is more personal than a movie. And it’ll make us think better and be smarter. i hope i can be a better reader from time to time.

4. Calm, elegant, and beautiful

Just like how the brain, beauty, the behaviour is by far the most important thing. It’s the one thing that can save me from stupid things that can be avoided. 

I want to be a person who i adore. I want to be elegant, i want to be pretty inside and out. I want to have the vibe of nurturing. I want to be proud of myself and for other people to be comfortable around me.

I want to be calm, not easily panic, i want to have control of how i react to things. I want to control my feelings instead of my feelings control me. 

I want to feel better, and better emotions on me. 

I will grow up to be the person who makes me comfortable spending time alone. I want to be ready for the relationship i’ll have with a guy but very well with myself first.

And i think, it is all started from the willingness i have on my mind, down to my heart, and will be real into my action.

5. I am manifesting good things coming my way.

no need to explain this any further. good things ARE coming for me, and each new year it will be. My life become more challenging as i have chosen medical to be my calling. 

I want to save lifes.

And i want to be a good person in general, a person who give other love. Give them comfort, heal them. I want to be able to look back to my past self, and say “you done well, thank you” 

this 2021 will add new memories for me, and will give me more strength of becoming the person i will be. 

I will be a good person, like i always been.

[calondokter]

2019 New Year Resolutions!

Today, 31st December, i just woke up at 7 am-ish.

I’m going to write a bunch of new year resolutions for me to be a guidance in the new year of 2019. This year, on march 15, i will be 19. The last age of -teen of my life. next 2 year i will step into the 2020 with 20 years old living. your age is too predictable if you were born in 2000.

On my 19 birthday, i figured out what i want as a present for myself: a kindle.

It is as a sign of my willingness to fulfill my wish of becoming me.

1. I want to read as much as i can

I want to be more of a bit of Hermione Granger inside of me, a little of Emma Watson. She loves reading and i wanna be inspired by her. But i wanna be a reader because of my education is forcing me to love reading. I used to love to read, i read novels since i’m a kid. But reading wasn’t really my number one hobby at that time. Well, to me, it is never to late to start a new lifestyle. Maybe in the 2019, i can be more of an active reader. And i can be smarter by reading books. And maybe, if my parents allow me to, i can have a kindle as my 19th birthday this year.

2. I want to live more minimalist

I want to adopt a lifestyle of simplicity. Not owning too much stuff in my room so i can truly take care of all of them. Not too much clothing, makeup, skincare, stationary, and all the miscellaneous stuff that i can live without. Beside that, i can save my money for better things such as self care stuff, that really enrich me physically and mentally. Being minimalist means that i know for sure what i need and what i want. And always buy stuff that i know i will use it until it is finished not because i like the way it is, but because i cannot live without it.

3. Workout!

As cheesy as it sounds, i want to have a better shaped body. A beautiful curve that makes me a real woman. I may not have the tall body of a model could be, although i desire to be taller. But with the body i have now, the body that i love, i want to make the best of me. To be stronger, healthier, prettier, and tougher. I want to move more. Even by not working out, i might starting to love dancing this year.

The next resolution will be in my next post.

[warmandcozyfeeling]

Things to do this coming year; A note to self

Focus on self care. You’ve neglected yourself for too long. It’s good to care for others, but remember that you are also someone who needs love and attention. Be gentle with yourself.

Journal more! Let out your feelings, document your life. At the end of the year you can look back and remember the ups and downs, knowing you got through them all.

Pursue your passions! You put them to the side sometimes and that isn’t very good. Make more art, sing more, make things! You have to work at your passions to get better at them.

Get out in nature. Experience the world without technology around. Go on a hike, rock climb, swim in a river. The world is wide and she is so beautiful. See her before it’s too late.

Save your money - don’t be so frivolous. You never know when you’ll need some extra cash, so store some away for a rainy day.

Stay studying hard! Get up your gpa so you can transfer to a great university! It’ll be worth it in the end, trust me.

Make more of an effort with friends. You can’t expect them to initiate everything. Sometimes you have to try hard and sometimes they will, but it can’t be one sided. Don’t shut people out.

Finally, give love and let yourself be loved. Put out so much love into this world and it will return to you, tenfold.

[kushandwizdom]

[kushandwizdom]

[calondokter]

Kenapa Pengen Jadi Dokter?

I found out that the best way to be good at what you’re doing is a STRONG WILLING. that is why i’m writing this post, 

Why do i want to be a doctor?

Kenapa aku milih jurusan pendidikan dokter di saat ujian sbmptn tahun 2018?

Kenapa aku milih sekolah kedokteran yang sangat lama waktunya?

Well, the first reason, and the most logical i can think of, is because of my parents strongly hope and happiness.

My dad used to have a dream as a doctor and was accepted into a medical school when he was my age, but he turned the opportunity down in case of financial issues. He was afraid that if he studied at a medical school, his parents will struggle to pay the cost. Even though his mom told him that it was okay for him to chase his dream of becoming a doctor, but that just made him feel even sorry if he had to be selfish and choose to pursue his dreams. After all, he’s the oldest son of 4 in the family, living simply.

On the other side, my mom, has always been wanted to have a child of a doctor. I can see her eyes shines whenever she talks about how great a doctor is. She has a younger brother who works as a doctor, aka my uncle. She believes that doctor are superheroes who cures people and earn money of kindness. Although she gives me the freedom to choose my own path, i know she always wanted me to be a doctor of my own. 

That is not the only reason, or else i won’t be able to have the gut to enter into any medical school.

I have my own reason, aside from making my parents happy and proud of me. I want to be proud of myself too. I always look up to doctors as a very high class human beings. Not that i think other professions are not as good, but there is something even better inside being a doctor. 

Being a doctor, in my point of view, is like an angel. They have the ability to cure diseases and make people feel better. Don’t believe me? I used to have a dream of becoming a psychologist. Because i want to help others, be useful for others. i like the feeling of being needed. I don’t really care if my friends only like me because they need me, for me, it is better to be needed than to need anyone. I feel the pleasure of helping others than being helped by others. 

I want to show people around.

Not that i’m being cocky. I just... want to prove people.

Especially those who underestimates me.

I have a lot of people who dislike me. Because i was never a person who hide away my feelings towards other, i don’t think i did it wrong. When i see flaw in other’s action, it would be very clear that i disagree with them. I am a very honest person, i don’t do fake smiles.

My mom told me to be more gentle to haters. She said i was being hate because they are just jealous of what i am that they aren’t. Well, that only makes me want to be on top of them.

I have bad memories about haters. Ever since i was in primary school, i experienced the feelings of being threaten. I was being hated for the way i looked like, the way i was friends with a lot of guy. And i was always being judged by the way i was close to a guy that i like, and maybe, liked me too.

I want to prove them that i was more than what they see. i am more than just a pretty girl who easily get guys attention and try to make myself look worthy. I want to be a doctor because not everyone could be. To be a doctor, you have to be smart enough to deal with human bodies. To be a doctor, is to be a person with big knowledges and use my brain for useful thinking. I feel joy if people who dislike me, see me on top. 

Why? Because by being on top, means far away from the bottom, where my haters living and make fun of me.

Doctor = healthy and wealthy.

As cheesy as it sounds. A doctor must be healthy and also wealthy. not only for myself, but for my family and people that i love around me. 

Imagine having a best friend of a doctor, you don’t need to ever worry about your health. You can always ask them advices. You can always visit them and heal yourself.

I want to be that kind of friend.

Yes, i want to keep my surrounding secured and stay healthy. I don’t have to worry about my parents life, because i know well about how their body work.

And yet, i don’t have to worry about financial problem. Because as long as i know, health is expensive. I am investing in my future. I will make my way to become a successful doctor that people will see me have nothing to worry about in my life. So i can focus on giving love to the world.

I love studying about human.

How our body work, is still a mystery for me. It is such a great chance to know about my own body. i love studying human physiology. How we digest food, air, and how we grow as a human. 

Actually, i am more to the thinking side of human. how our brain work. why we think the way we do. Why we choose to act. Why we crave happiness. And how we feel happy. yes i love learning. I kinda enjoy studying because i always been that smart kid in class. I like being discipline and a boss of myself. And the thought of being in a medical school, is like a challenge to me. 

I’d like to think i’m a competitive person, but not for anyone else but me. I love being on top of myself. and i hope when reading this again, i still am :)

[kushandwizdom]

[calondokter]

4. Adopt a Minimalism Lifestyle

As cheeky as it sounds, i want to save more money.

And what comes in mind to me is to adapt a minimalism lifestyle, start decluttering my stuff and pick which one i am no longer need.

There’s a lot of good reasons why i want to be minimal living, one of the reasons is because of financial issues.

Dear 2019 me, money is the worst invention ever, yet it is used to judge people around us. We treat wealthy people differently than the ordinary.

Imagine if there is a guy trying to approach you and be closer to you. He isn’t that good kind of a person, he smokes, he drinks, he plays around. But one thing he is different : He is rich and own a car. The kind of car where people would stare as you get out of it, the kind of car where it can take you wherever you want. I bet you would give it a shot and hope you can change that individual throughout your relationship, and smoking? Well you will think he can change that habit one he’s in love with you.

But imagine if that guy isn’t as wealthy as the guy you wouldn’t mind dating? He couldn’t afford to buy a car and drive you everywhere, he only has a motorcycle. And ordinary one. But he’s as wreck as the previous rich guy. Believe me, you won’t see a chance dating him.

Here’s why, we feel safe when we have lots of money to pay for our living. It isn’t bad actually, we do respect rich people for their ambitious and their caring of their future savings. So why don’t we respect ourself too?

Why don’t we stop spending so much money on stuffs we don’t really need and can be replaced?

Here’s my point: why don’t we start investing on ourself? buy stuff that are valuable enough to spend a significant amount of money and have amazing use. 

You should spend your money on a really good thing that you will use until it is running out of its function rather than things that are just good to the eye.

Use all of your sights. eyes for the pretty things, nose for the good smelling, skin for the good to touch and comfortable for you, ear for the sound of it when you are wearing it.

look for videos on youtube on how to spend your money wisely, and save it because you’ll never know one day you will need an extra amount of money for that special day treating yourself. Yourself will thank you later, i promise you.

[calondokter]

2019 is coming!

Yes, new year i coming. Another year, another experience.

Next year, you will be a full-time medical student, studying in Malang.

Just want to remind you, my 19 years old self,

I want 2019 to be the year of change, because i’m not a kid anymore. Change isn’t scary at all, we all change a bit everyday. BUT i want the change is to more like me. I want to be my truest self this year.

Nineteen, is the last year of my teen year. i will be 20 in 2020, such a scary part of life, so i want to be strict to myself.

A little hard on myself wouldn’t kill me, just make me stronger.

i want to follow my dream of becoming a doctor and i wont let anyone getting on my way, including myself. So i should really spend more time alone in 2019.

1. Please stop spending too much time on social media. Instagram is such a toxic app for a teenage girl who are struggling to bettering herself. 

You will compare yourself with other girls of your age, or even younger. Wishing you have that kinda faces, body, social life. Not everything should be known by everyone. Private life is a happy life. Stop over sharing your joy to the world, they don’t care. People who hate you will use your information against you (remember how Greace treated you in high school? yes, that is because of you overshared things to the wrong bitch). 

You will crave attention from people who don’t even know your true self. Yes you are allowed to share some moment of joy to remember in the future, but do not use instagram as your diary. Stick to the books, who will never bring hate and jealousy out of people. Don’t try to impress anyone by a social media, i am sure the right guy will love you through their eyes than through their phones.

2. Start reading books, valuable books.

Read people mind through what they write on pages, especially great people. Adopt a good mindset and practice making new concepts from reading books. You will find joy and great feelings by reading book.

Why? Because reading books mean entering a new world, of words. Through words you can learn something new, whether it is a fact, or opinions. That will make you understand of how you should live and feel about yourself, you will be more creative and imaginative. it will keep your inner child. 

Spend some times of the day reading in your room, thinking about others, than yourself. Believe me, i think we both agree that we spent too much time thinking about useless things. Stop caring about those fuckboys who don’t even care about your needs and don’t respect you and your space. They don’t deserve you. 

3. Be picky

yes, picky at EVERYTHING. Don’t be stupid.

Choose your surrounding. Please, you have to filtrate what you allow to enter your life. Not everyone are meant to be your friend as much as not every word have to enter your brain.

If a guy likes you, but you don’t like them, stop trying to like them because of pityness. Let them be. Let you be. Just follow your heart but always bring your brain with you. 

Learn to say no, to the stuff you feel guilty about. Because you are a nice person. Just do your things, not others. Be the girl you have a vision of succeed, not the girl people expected from you. Not everyone want to see you succeed, believe me, people want you to be good, but not better than them.

Be picky about your food, eat only the healthy that brings your body good health. Be picky about your outfits, wear clothings that are comfortable for you and says enough good things about your personality. Be picky about your places, choose to be where you feel most you, experience things that you feel will bring the best of you. And lastly,

Be picky about how you act.

You are allowed to be angry, but you’re not allowed to hurt anyone in order to make them know that you are upset. You are allowed to be sad, but you are not allowed to drag somebody else into tears. You are allowed to be happy, but you have to only be happy when it brings out good in life.

[maisonsblanches]

credit: Nathalie Hill

[midnightinthemagicmicagarden]

Out On A Limb

Watercolor and Gouache On Cotton Paper

2017, 10″x 7″

Camellias

Private Collection-Redmond, Washington

[calondokter]

Mungkin bukan tempatnya, bukan waktunya, bukan fotonya yang gua suka. Mungkin orang-orangnya, memorinya, suasananya, obrolannya yang membuat sebuah momen menjadi sangat berarti. Dan kalau saja gua pernah menyakiti kalian, itu adalah kehendak hati gua yang egois. Tapi sekarang lubuk hati gua berkata bahwa gua sesungguhnya sangat menyayangi kalian. Sahabat-sahabat tercinta, tawa kalian adalah kenikmatan buat gua. Dan bersama kalian, gua bisa bernapas lebih lega. Terima kasih sudah selalu ada. Mari kita coretkan kenangan bersama. Dalam sebuah kebahagiaan.

[calondokter]

Kalian akan selamanya berada di hatiku.

(Kiri) - pelita debora karen lumbang tobing lu adalah manusia paling lebay, setidaknya yang paling gua tau. Lu komen tentang segala hal dan ingin tahu terlalu banyak persoalan. Tapi itu justru membuktikan bahwa lu care, dan lu peduli dengan orang-orang di sekitar lu. Walaupun lu menjadi yang paling sering mengeluh diantara kita, tapi sejujurnya lu adalah penyayang dan sosok perempuan yang mandiri. Dan mungkin lu gak menyadarinya, lu bukan tipe perempuan yang membutuhkan cowok. Justru cowok2lah yang membutuhkan perempuan seperti lu.

- yolanda tania mulyadi Gua melihat seorang ibu dalam diri lu. Gak tahu kapan pastinya lu bakal jadi seorang ibu, yang pasti lu bakal menjadi ibu yang baik. Lu adalah yang paling pengertian dan paling cerdas diantara kita. Kebaikan dan kelemahlembutan adalah kelebihan lu. Dan jarang ada orang seperti lu, biasanya org lain ingin menjadi yang terbaik, kalau lu hanya menganggap diri lu sendiri sebagai lawan, dan yang lain sebagai kawan. Dan selamanya gua akan tetap ingat bagaimana lu selalu membuat orang lain merasa nyaman dan aman.

-margaretta elsa damayanti Suatu hari gua ketemu anak tk, yaitu menjadi teman sekelas gua. Dan sampai sekarang gua seneng banget masih bisa deket sama lu. Lu temen terlama gua. Dan gua kenal lu dari gua belom bisa ngomong r. Gua pengen suatu saat nnt gua bisa ceritain ke anak gua tntng temen gua yang sangat setia, dan sensitive juga. Lu rajin banget, dan lu adalah karakter yang kuat. Meskipun lu keliatan lemah, tapi sejujurnya lu adalah pejuang! Dan nantinya lu bakal tetap jadi orang yang gua kagumi sebagai seorang wanita.

- ni made tantri savitri susila Gua bukan orang yang ribet. Sumpah moto hidup gua sesimpel do everything with kindness. Karena gua yakin akan hukum timbal balik, aksi reaksi, yaitu karma. Gua harap kalian semua ingat gua, dan terima segala kekurangan gua.

-reynalda samil Ketika gua melihat mata lu, gua inget banget keceriaan dan keluguan anak kecil. Ternyata tampang imut lu membungkus kepribadian yang mandiri banget dan sangat kuat. Beneran lu orangnya dewasa dalam menghadapi persoalan. Mungkin gua gak begitu dekat dengan lu dibanding yang lain. Tapi gua tau dan percaya bahwa lu adalah tipe tipe orang yang patut diperjuangkan, dan gua bersyukur karena kita bisa kenal dan bisa bareng2 juga. Lu adalah orang yang bisa membuat tertawa dan sekaligus menghibur yang menangis.

-stevani tan Hari kian hari gua sadar kalau lu tumbuh menjadi pribadi yang lebih positif. Dan sekarang lu selalu menjadi positif, membawa suasana yang gembira dan lu selalu tersenyum. Gua kagum dengan ketegaran lu, jujur lu memiliki hati yang paling kuat diantara kita semua. Meskipun harus melihat sosok yang lu sayang menyukai org lain, tetap saja lu perlakukan seperti seorang teman. Dan lu adalah orang yang baik hati. Sebuah tanda tanya kalau ada yang tidak menyukai lu. Lu gak boleh sekalipun putus asa untuk mendapat yang lu inginkan, karena gua yakin lu pantas.

-kezia aurelia tamzil Disini gua menaruh lu menjadi yang paking belakang. Gatau apa gua siap nulis surat tntng lu, karena trlalu banyak yg ingin gua sampaikan. Lu adalah yang paling dekat dengan gua diantara org lain. Yang paling ada, mungkin karena kita memang udh lama deket juga. Gapernah sekalipun gua nyesel pernah curhat semuanya ke lu. Lu menjadi buku harian gua dalam bentuk sahabat yang baik hati. Dan selalu lu katakan ke gua untuk tetap membuka mata dan membuka pikiran gua lebih jernih. Lu mengajarkan gua banyak hal, dan gua sangat beruntung bisa dekat dengan orang seperti lu. Hanya diri lu yang gak sadar betapa sempurnanya lu. Walau gua tau dibalik keceriaan dan candaan lu, ada insecurity yg tersimpan dan ketidakpercayadirian. Bodoh kalau lu tdk tau betapa cantiknya karakter lu.

[acrodites]

Dan sekali lagi kita bertengkar. Entah sampai kapan ombak ini menerjang hubungan kita, tapi segalanya telah aku lewati bersamamu.

Kesalahpahaman telah kita lalui, kerinduan yang kita rasakan, menghancurkan setiap detik yang kita lalui tanpa sesama. Membuat kita semakin jauh, semakin sirnah.

Tapi perasaan ini nyata, seperti yang kau pernah ungkapkan juga, persoalan membuat kita semakin kuat. Dan hari ini, detik ini juga, aku menyayangimu lebih dari siapapun sebelumnya.

Meski ratusan perbedaan membatasi, ribuan persoalan menghiasi, tapi selalu ada jutaan cara untuk tetap menyayangimu. Mungkin belum saatnya kamu mengerti, tapi sungguh, ini nyata.

Aku dan Kamu, selalu.

[eatsleepdraw]

[hitrecord]