the thing is that we I mean Barry had everything but he was too scared no too spoiled thinking he’d have Rafe forever, overwhelmed with opportunities he couldn’t even handle, ugh sorry no just he deserves it, I mean what’s coming to him, I mean losing Rafe, I mean having all that slip through his fingers, it’s just he failed Rafe and, in the same way he’s still at his fathers feet, he’s there seeking for some sort of…explanation for why he was never enough to take like you just got this grown, powerful man there now, and he’s still just begging to be told why he wasn’t enough, why he’ll never be, now less than ever, too big, too strong, too much, and no way back into a smaller, more lovable self,
there’s just more aggression, more begging, there’s just making himself ever and ever more unlovable in every attempt at connection, it’s the fact that Rafe only ever went as far against his father in an attempt to please Barry, in an attempt to impress him, in an attempt to fulfill orders he thought he heard in the same way his father used to leave the most important directions unspoken, and it’s the fact that by trying, by sacrificing, he ruined both, he pushed Barry further away than he ever could, for Barry is and always was scared of the risk in Rafe, the uncertainty, the volatility, and Rafe proved more than ever with his stunts in s3 that he can not be trusted, not even with his own thoughts, not with his actions, that his ‘loyalty’ means nothing, since he can never be of sound enough mind to truly mean it. In a way, yes, Barry nudging Rafe towards killing Ward was a test, a test that Rafe recognized and wanted to succeed at, but it wasn’t a me or him, it was a test of Rafe’s character and he failed it. Only proved how influenceable, how volatile, unreliable he really is, and that Barry certainly isn’t the one to still this. At that’s it then. High risk, high reward, Rafe says when offering the cross, when offering himself back, when asking Barry to take the risk and believe he’s not out for revenge, he is the reward. With that grin, like he knows Barry’s one to catch with it. When low risk is Barry’s fucking middle name. And Rafe is high risk, low reward, Rafe is not worth the effort, Rafe is too much a hassle, Rafe is too much and not enough.