Cams Stories

My name is Cam and I'm a new writer who has a passion for writing stories and books, mental health, and true crime. If you likes these topics too, you should follow me and let yourself calm your mind. You are loved, supported, and heard. Remember that.

[camsstorytime]

1/14/25 11:31 pm

I didn’t think it would bother me. If anything I thought I'd be happy and relieved. When I saw my positive pregnancy test I was terrified. When the nurse told me i could be having a miscarrage i become shockingly distraught and upset. All I could think about was my baby and making sure they were ok. Then I got a blood test back and it was negative. I should be happy right? This is a good thing right? For some reason though I can't help but feel a mix between numbness and sadness. I know I've always wanted a kid but obviously I'm aware it's a very bad time. But throughout today I've changed. I turned into a mother just worried about her baby. I dont think ill ever be the same after today. It almost feels like I've lost something I never had. Another thing I'm upset about is he didnt try to comfort me or make sure I was ok or even talk to me when I got home. What if it was real. What if I was positive? Is that really the person I want by my side through something like that? Well he proved to me today that positive or not he really is a very self centered and immature boy. Ik the situation was unfortunate but i guess part of me was excited to take care of something that would love me back unconditionally. What if a baby is what I needed to get out of this teenager mindset. Because at that moment the only thing on my mind was my baby. I was as ready as I was scared. There's still something wrong with me and I have no idea what. But now I've fallen deep into depression and numbness. But this is a good thing right? I'm too young to have kids. I have too much going for me to have a baby running around. But I can't stop thinking about the what ifs. Today I gained a few years in my life. I realized there might be a chance im mentally ready for a kid. Even if I know I could never have one until a few years down the road. But I'm worried I'll never get the chance to get pregnant again. What if I never find a good guy who loves me enough. What if I'm unable to become pregnant. Maybe I'm so upset about a negative because I know I'm at risk for infertility. Maybe I'm sad because I'm lonely. Maybe a baby would complete me in ways nothing else can. I don't even know who I can talk to about these feelings because I know I sound crazy. I've always felt empty, like somethings been missing. What if it's a baby? I can't even sleep because of all these feelings. I don't even know why I'm feeling this. The father wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I'm still in high school and nursing school afterwards. I have no job or income to support a baby. But for some reason at that moment I wanted to try. I always promised myself no matter how or when I got pregnant I would make sure that baby would have the best life I can provide. It's like I had the opportunity to prove to everyone I can be mature and responsible and grown up. Prove to myself that I was able to do it. And all of that was taken away and now I look crazy and stupid. I feel stupid and crazy. I can't help but wish I was healthily pregnant and had a baby on the way. I wanted my baby to call me mama. I want to be needed and loved so dearly by a little human. I feel as though I could've done it and figured it out. I think deep down I really wanted to be pregnant. I really wanted that baby. I would have been due in october. I could have joined support groups for teen moms and made really good friends. I always get sad at negative tests but never like this. Probably because I had it and now it's all gone. What if I never have that opportunity again. And I also feel terrible for involving people in what I thought was a pregnancy and miscarrage. The nurse was explaining all the steps and I was slowly getting;excited. And finding out when I would be due made me happy. I really wish, selfishly, that I was pregnant. And maybe I really did have a miscarrage but the baby was so small it passed in a few hours. It hurts a lot knowing what I could have had. I fell in love with my baby that I never had in the first place. I know it wasn't God's plan and I'm trying hard to trust Him.

[camsstorytime]

Last Night

There's a thing called loneliness 

The world knows it but no one understands

The feeling when you're exhausted and don't want to fight

No one knows but it's my last night

Im drowning in my sorrows every day

But everyone just pushes me down instead of pulling me up

I just wish that younger me and older me could be the same

But no one is standing up for me well that's just my luck

I've been drowning for a while know but that's not what they see

They see a liar, manipulator, and attention seeking

No one cares to know who i really am inside

By the end of the night at least i can say i tried

I want someone to know me

I want someone to care for me

I want someone to see me

I want someone to appreciate me

So how dare you

Treat me like im trash

How dare you

Make me feel bad

You say i dont put in effort 

But if that was true i wouldn't be exhausted

I stood up for you 

Even tho i got yelled at too

I trusted you

Even when you would say it isn't something you could do

I loved you

Even though I was given every reason not to.

[camsstorytime]

Drained

Do you know that feeling where every part of you is drained? Like you're tired, can't focus, and just overall feel numb? What does one do in that situation? I mean everyone has to work and go to school. I recently fractured my foot and ankle and have been on crutches for almost a week now. My whole body hurts and I just want to stay in bed all day. It's Wednesday and I hurt my foot Thursday. I feel like I should be used to the exhaustion by now. I feel so fatigued and numb and I can't focus on important things that need to be done. Normally it goes away by now but today I'm struggling extra hard. Any advice?

[camsstorytime]

Mistreatment

Feeling mistreated is one of the worst feelings in the world. It makes you think, "What's the point in trying if it will never be enough?" I went through this my whole life. My step siblings would always get the gold while i was left with scraps. The crazy part was we could do the exact same thing and get completely different punishments. With me getting the short end of the stick always. My step brother would be failing a class and my step mom would do his work for him to catch him up. I would be failing a class and get grounded and yelled at. My step sister could start a rumor about a family member that is completely false and could ruin someones life but she was always allowed at home. I would express a bad situation that happened to me at the hands of a family member and be called a liar and get kicked out never to be allowed home again. My family members would go to the point of making crazy rumors about me that could get me arrested even when i was trying to express my feelings. They told these lies to themselves and others so much that in their minds they were true and that really was the person i was. They started telling people i was a danger to myself and others and were so convincing that no even police believed my story. Everyone's always looked at me as crazy and impulsive. And all i wanted was for someone to listen and believe me. When i got kicked out i had to move in with my dad who i hadn't talked to in 4 years. Him and his crazy girlfriend along with her kids and living with them was like hell on earth. Every day would be a new fight over something i'd be accused of doing and no matter how much proof i had they were dead set on me being the bad guy. It got to the point i just wanted to run away. So one day, after my dad's girlfriend told me "fuck you" when i stood up for myself about the mistreatment i packed my bags and my boyfriend offered me a place to stay. A few days after being gone i got calls and texts about how i was a piece of shit who would never amount to anything. From that day on i made it my goal to be everything they said i wasn't and couldn't be. It hurts so much to live life when nothing you do is ever enough and even when you've accomplished so much more than your step siblings its still not enough to at the very least be treated equally. What no one tells you when you leave that situation how hard it is to adjust to unconditional love and being equally treated. It didnt seem normal to have my accomplishments be recognized. To be praised instead of put down. No one tells you how hard that can be. It just seems so easy. It's a struggle every day to get used to a positive home. But do i regret it? Absolutely not. I'd rather relearn happiness than be stuck in eternal darkness. So if theres a way out of mistreatment take it. Dont worry about who you will lose or who will be mad. If they were worth something in your life they would not treat you like that in the first place.

Thank you for reading my second article if anyone has any recommendations or questions please let me know.

Cameron Shack

[camsstorytime]

Love is confusing. You're taught at a young age that no love can match a family's love. I always believed that no one could love and care for me as much as my family. Well in my circumstances that wasn't as hard to beat as I was taught. Growing up the type of love I saw in other people was just a fantasy. I would see a dad and a daughter hold hands in a grocery store and see the dad's protective nature over her. I never experienced or was taught that kind of love so i always assumed it was fake. I'd see a son cry without his mommy when all she did was go to the bathroom for 5 minutes. I never understood needing someone that much. Again, i was never taught that kind of love. I was taught that love was only something given when you did something good for that person. My mom tried to show me that love in ways i couldn't comprehend. I would see moms and daughters spend every moment together and could never understand why my mom wasn't there. Getting older and realizing she was trying to set me up for a good life by working and going to school and never being home was a form of love. My dad on the other hand never showed me the love you typically see from a father. In his defense he would never be awake long enough to show me love. When he left and hearing people say they wish he would've died was confusing because you would never say that to someone who showed you that love. I was still too little to understand that there was no love from him. I didn't realize till it was too late. My mom remarried to a man who i would forever be suspicious of. I didn't respect or expect anything from a man after my dad made my mom cry as much as she did in my arms when i was only 11. I thought what my dad did was "love" because it's what i knew best. No one teaches you about how to love or to be loved you kinda just have to figure it out. Well i thought the way my dad loved me and my family was real love. I disregarded every other form of love because i thought it was fake. the only love i took was fake love that ended in more hurt than happiness. In my young brain being hurt was feeling loved. An addiction that isn't spoken of enough is called a "love addiction." When i developed this addiction it wasn't the feeling of being loved the right way it was the feeling of love i came to know. My form of love addiction was the love of feeling hurt. I fell into bad friendships and relationships thinking they loved me and hoped with everything in me that i would gain something i thought didn't exist. Everything negative was love to me. Abuse, manipulation, gaslighting. I met a guy when i was 13 who was exactly what i thought love to be. The confusing part was even though i thought what he was doing to me was love i hid the worst of it even from family who saw every breakdown. I hid the fact the "love" he would give me was putting hands on me no matter how hard i fought. I would do everything to make him happy even if it was real love i wouldn't have to work so hard to make someone care about me. We'd be on and off every day and my family would see the mental damage he did to me. But to me that was love. putting myself in dangerous situations that could really hurt me was love. Another topic that came up is sex addiction. I was introduced to sex at age 13 due to manipulation of an adult. What i realized is it wasn't the penetration that i was addicted to it was the feeling of warmth of the person on top. That warmth was a new form of love. When you hear someone is a sex addict you think "this girl is a slut" but with me that wasn't the case. The physical touch from someone became an intense craving. I thought sex was a way to get guys to love me and a way for me to get that physical touch. Then became a new form of "love" that i thought was real. If someone wanted to touch me in any way that means they love me right? Wrong. I was used and manipulated just for one night stands when all i was searching for was physical touch.

But when i was 16 something strange happened. I met a boy. He saw right through my false persona and got me to be myself. He accepted me for everything i tried to hide about myself. He accepted me for everything everyone was trying to make me hide. He gave me physical touch that felt different from everyone else. It felt warm and safe. He gave me physical touch and love without forcing me into something i really didn't want to do. He showed me a type of love i thought my whole life to be fake. Around him i was me and no one else. I didn't have to mold myself into something he liked because he liked who i was. It was a feeling i've never felt before. Learned love was fighting for your life every day to find someone who loved you. Real love was acceptance despite your flaws. Learned love was trying to make someone who was incapable of love love you. Real love was being who you are and not have to mold yourself into something you're not. When i felt this love i started thinking of my life and realized the real love i got from certain people that i thought were fake. Everything negative in my life changed all because i got the love i needed for my entire life.

So love is never something that is promised. No matter how many times you're taught what love is supposed to look like, you can never truly understand love until you feel how real love feels. Its not daddy issues you have. You learned love from someone who was supposed to love you but never did so you began to think love was always one sided. Love isn't always what your parents teach you. Sometimes you need to feel real love to understand it. So if you feel like you have "daddy issues" or if you are addicted to fake love or if you are addicted to sex for the physical sensation of it. It's ok. It's normal. You'll get the love you need from the right person. It doesnt have to be a parent. Sometimes God puts people in your life for learning purposes. He puts you in negative situations so you'll be grateful for the positive things coming your way.

Thank you for listening to my article about learned love vs real love. if you have any questions let me know.

Cameron Shack

[camsstorytime]

Introduction

Hi! My name is Cameron Shack and I'm a new writer so this page will be mainly short stories but im also a big mental health advocate and can do some posts about mental illness and toxic relationship advice and signs. Im looking to grow and reach out to many people as possible. Thank you in advance! #mentalhealth #gettingstarted #writer #storytime #relationship #books