melody's melancholy

she/doll

[candiedmelody]

intro posttt

hi my name is melody ! will mostly post abt obslove, but also some sh and guro on the occasion too. i talk about my boyfriend a lot, as well as baking, and dolls

[candiedmelody]

crazy girl posting to say... life is beautiful and never give up and all that jazz... the worst of me is in this blog and im sure more fits are to follow but i think love is beautiful and life is more lovely than my worst moments. or summat

[candiedmelody]

this account is home to the worst of me bro bpd will have me thinking my boyfriend hates me over. checks notes. minor disagreement. im a hysterical woman in the victorian era they would have treated me to ice therapy but it's okay coz they would've done the same to it ❤️

[candiedmelody]

little miss melody who's writing drives people away over and over. little miss melody who is just so awful nobody can stand her. little miss melody who gets rejected by true love and goes into another relationship where she feels awful half the time. little miss melody who will amount to nothing. i wonder.

[candiedmelody]

being alive and autistic is like being hit with a sledgehammer in the head repeatedly over and over and over and over and over and over

anyway maybe cut pics later 2nite if im not lazy lels

[candiedmelody]

another day another im still single and nobody will ever want meagain

[candiedmelody]

everything is awful forever but you are at least a dolly

[candiedmelody]

2025 is betting to be a top 5 worst years of my life. even if my mental health is better im just being fucked over and over. whether it's my own poor choices or things completely out of my control or both. now i can't even go to the university i got accepted into. the thing i spent so much time dedicated to. i wanted to go so badly the course would have been perfect. and then they just. 'pulled out of dealings with fafsa'. what the fuck. now im forced to take a gap year. i don't know what to do anymore. im stuck in wisconsin and i will be forever. there's a point where i just have to stop trying

[cinnabuncrumbs]

not immune to one sided battenna

[candiedmelody]

today's activity: sobbing so hard i start coughing

[candiedmelody]

it hurts to know that people who mean the entire world to you can just leave one day and that's it. i will never understand how people can care so much for you one day and leave the next. it's worse when i can't convince myself that he never cared at all, he so clearly did. but i didn't change fast enough. i lied. i lost the most important person to me all because of my own idiocy. and now he'll never have me back. i wish he'd just block me if he didn't want me to cling onto false hope but. he promised he never would. but he also promised he'd never abandon me. but i promised i'd never lie too. or at least i think i did. either way i shouldn't have. i just want him to be my friend again. i have other friends, more friends without my obsession over him but i still want Him. i care about him so much. i'd say i should've valued him more when he was by my side still but i did. with everything i had. perhaps he just needed a more normal relationship. a healthier one. i don't know why im getting all introspective. i just want a chance. he said he won't give me one and i don't deserve one but. i want it so badly. i want to call with him and our other friends again. i don't want to tear all these friendships apart because of my actions. i feel awful.

[candiezmanzion]

metal/neo metal sonic ramble

never not thinking about how robots in idw have text like this

but neo metal sonic has the same text as all the organic characters

he also expresses clear emotion just like an organic person would, if not with a bit more robotic logic behind it [save when hes in a blind rage]

HE EVEN EVILLY LAUGHS AT ONE POINT

neo metal is proof that metal is VERY MUCH CAPABLE OF EMOTIONS LIKE ANY ORGANIC [if it wasnt already obvious when he's just metal] i think its sooo crazy that IDW shows metal is the most 'human' out of all the eggman robots yet he's arguably treated the worst, not even being able to Speak in his standard form.

ik sonic is just being his usual dick self here but he kinda has a point in a way. metal almost definitely WANTS to be able to talk and express himself. but he's reduced to his lesser, albeit still very powerful, form.

oh and don't even get me started...

it's so sad to me how even though he's still very capable of emotion, eggman has literally programmed out any hint of rebelliousness. like sure, it's most likely that even if eggman HADN'T programmed out metal's rebellious streak, he'd still be evil, but this leaves not even a CHANCE for redemption on metal's part.

which makes it even more ironic that sonic says this...

sonic fails to comprehend that metal literally CANNOT become a better person. eggman literally repeats what neo already told sonic, metal is programmed to kill and to be loyal to eggman. he has NO choice. hes been under eggmans control forever and when he rebelled he was beaten and reprogrammed to never be able to rebel again. metal has basically zero autonomy outside of eggman's orders [which is in great contrast to neo, who seems to be working FOR eggman's wishes, but still very much absorbed in his own power and emotions].

i don't really know what this whole ramble is about. i think while the comics seem to push the message that metal is going to be evil Forever, i also think it would be devastatingly tragic if he didn't get a redemption in the comics. y'all cant set up a horrifying depiction of abuse like this and tell me 'oh yeah and he stayed in that state forever'. i think if another fight happened at one point or another maybe they could TRY to figure out how to program OUT his anti rebellion streak? lol? even WITH that he did hesitate when sonic offered for him to be a good person again.

he literally hesitated when SONIC. IS THE ONE WHO OFFERED HIM A TRUCE. like he's literally programmed to believe sonic is his copy and he needs to kill him I don't think i can understate how insane it is that metal, despite all his programming and lack of automomy preventing it, for a split second, considered sonics offer.

thats all for tonight. metal sonic deserves the whole world. please reblog or comment your thoughts id love to talk more abt how hes characterized in the idw comics, might talk abt reflections next. bye !

[orangejamidiot]

I wISH Metal would get the Surge treatment ]:

Ik the comic writers can’t do anything without SEGAs approval so I don’t blame them, but I feel like it would finally do Metal justice to be the sorta “bad end” result of Surge like, lemme explain:

Both Surge and Metal are depicted as at least analogies of abuse if not just flat out abuse victims. With both of them being forced to be killing machines and thematically “repeat the cycle of abuse.” But where they differ is how they continue. While Surge has dun goofed, she’s shown that she is willing to put in the effort to be a hero. That people showing her love makes her feel well, loved and wants to be better. She wants BOTH her and KIT (important later) to have better lives where they can CHOOSE to be good people.

Metal isn’t given that choice but he SHOULD be given it but not understand how to not repeat it.

Victims of abuse often end up repeating the behaviors that were imposed upon them. Sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly. It would be SUCH an impactful story arc for Metal to be given the choice to rebel against Eggman and TAKE IT, but still end up repeating the behaviors “his father” put into him. Building his own robot empire in an attempt to give other automaton a chance at a better life? But programming them all to act in very specific ways? Depraving them of their own free will like Eggman did to him??? Having to use the little critters to power the machines??? Sonic confronting him about it and Metal not understanding why Sonic doesn’t want him to rebel /OR/ Metal finding his methods superior bc they aren’t driven by the need for world domination and are instead for other Robots like him????

Anyways, back to that point about Kit from earlier; I feel like Metal could also be used as a good analogy for how important support networks are to people in abusive situations. Surge and Kit are quite literally Sonic and Tails with a thick coat an angst coat slapped onto them/pos They’re shown to hold each other up and together. Even if Kit’s was originally programmed into him, the comics show they do develop a mutual bond that equally reciprocated even if they have two different love languages.

Metal doesn’t have that. You could make the argument that now he has Sage but ehhhhhh? I, don’t personally see it. Not yet at least, anyways. Sage gets treated far better than Metal does and Eggman and Sage’s relationship is actually a decently healthy example of a father/daughter dynamic. Metal “has” Cubot and Orbot if you wanna stretch but they aren’t shown to interact much. Especially a mutually supportive dynamic.

It’s always Metal and Metal alone that deals with Metal’s problems. No one is there to correct him. It’s just Metal and Eggman.

GIVE ME MY SONIC & METAL SONIC ANGST GODDAMNIT SEGA, IM SCRATCHING UP THE FUCKING WALLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[candiedmelody]

i dont want to die without ever talking to him again. i dont want to die without ever hearing his voice talking to me again. im so scared and i can't tell anyone because they all tell me to get over it or id just be putting unfair pressure on them. all i want is to see him again. all i want is a conversation.

[candiedmelody]

and i'm sobbing like a child in my first period

[candiedmelody]

will university rlly not let me in over this u gotta be fucking real

[candiedmelody]

moral dilemmas happening but i need to graduate and get into a university so idgaf right now

[candiedmelody]

Free Me........