It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve last been on here but I can officially say that I’m back now that I’ve graduated college. Though, since it has been quite a few months since I’ve last responded to roleplays I think I’m going to drop them. Mostly because I’m not sure who might still be around and active or who might still be interested in them. But if you’d still want to continue on with them then just give me a heads up and I’ll see if I can try to find them to reply to. Or if you’d just want to start afresh, I’m up for that as well.
In the meantime, I’ve got a good bit of work cut out for me with looking at those who have followed me in my absence--thank you so much for those of you that have!-and getting some welcoming starters typed up. And maybe popping about to do some memes as well to help get back in the swing of things. So I do apologize if my Tsumiki may be a bit rusty for a while.
(( Oh gosh, hey umm I’m really sorry for being gone as long as I have been.
I’m just gonna explain my absence and stuff under a cut cause I think it may get long. Also gonna queue it a few times for the sake of trying to let everyone still following me to see this.
Okay wow, uh I honestly never meant to suddenly disappear for errr--causally glances to check--4/5 months. Gosh has it really been that long? Wow. Welp I guess as much is to be expected when you have a super busy semester and winter break. Yea, last semester we an almost constant workload that left me in a near constant state of just being mentally burnt out. Which also meant that I really couldn’t do replies because they would have been quite lacking and very sub-par to what I would want to sent out.
Though I guess it can’t be helped. I was either busy working on starting my student thesis animation film with a couple friends of mine--since we joined together as a group to try and lessen the workload we’d be expecting to have. But it still left us with a lot of work and planning to do on top of my other classes and doing whatever I could just to try and stay sane.
Then winter break wasn’t that great either...or too much of a break honestly. Between working at my job and continuing work on animation we fell behind on--because with animation things always go wrong or get backed up somehow (seriously it always finds a way to happen)--I barely had enough time to just let myself relax and take it easy. But I did force myself to take a week to just step away from everything because it was getting to the point that I wasn’t letting myself get enough sleep and started experiencing daily migraines from the eye strain I was causing myself. Since working traditionally means that I’m working off of a light table and either have the light on for a good while or flashing it off and on to check line placement and all that fun stuff. Yea, not too good on the eyes when you’re doing it from the point you wake up until the point you’re going to bed.
And it didn’t help that I ended up catching something at work during my shift on Christmas Eve which got me pretty sick. Spent a better part of a week with a throat that literally felt it was on fire, constant coughing, all the good stuff.
So yea, not the best winter break. And I’m about to start my last semester which I’m more than certain will be my most stressful one yet between finishing my thesis film on top of having to take care of 4 other classes and keeping on top of everything I’m going have to do to prepare for graduation. Which sadly means I’m not 100% sure if I can officially say that I’m back to rping. Though I’m far from giving up on this blog because of how much of a great experience I’ve had here. So I’m certainly coming back at some point. I might be able to be a rare sight on here once in a blue moon depending on how things go, but worst case I won’t be around until early May. But after that I’m technically free and will only have my job and basic life things getting in the way.
But uh, I suppose all of that isn’t everything that’s been keeping me away/getting in the way of my life in general.
You see I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder, or at least I’m fairly certain I do with how it affects my life. Things in life just prevent me from actually seeing someone who can officially diagnose me. And I’m also a bit convinced that I have some kind of depression as well--possibly an anxiety/depression duo disorder if something may trigger the both of them to occur to an extent. Though I’m wary to say that I actually have the latter before actually hearing it from a professional, but I digress.
But, anyway, my anxiety has just been...weird lately. Of course I expected it to be acting up as my last semester approaches and I’m expecting to experience a very heavy workload that’s going to more than likely be pushing me to my extreme limits at points. However, it’s also pushing me into points of something depression-like where I just can’t bring myself to do anything. But it doesn’t exactly feel like I figure depression should, unless it’s possible to being just experiencing the dread and lack of wanting to do practically anything. Even so, it doesn’t always feel like I’m experiencing only dread. Like it’s formed into this feeling of dread, being disheartened, lack of motivation, and a shut down of sorts being mixed into one nearly ever present state of mind. While also being coupled with this drive to want to do something and having to fight off the doubt of being able to pull anything off well. Even with doing small occasional rps with a friend of mine and working on my animation I quickly experience this pit in my chest, sometimes getting panicky, and wanting to back out of everything and just do nothing while wanting to at least do something. But shortly after setting things down to let myself take a breather to recover I quickly get restless and anxious to pick it back up and continue onward.
And I feel that some of it is coming from simply being in college--specifically the end of it. The pressure to always be working to be the best and being chastised by some teachers for either simply not being that or improving as quickly as they’d like to see. The feeling of guilt for needing to take a break or being stuck or having to work on one project instead of another that spirals into a near endless loop. And at first I knew and understood that it’s simply something that comes with being an art major--I mean I’m certainly not the only person who gets that kind of talk from teachers. But it’s spilled into almost everything in life and it’s affected my anxiety in a negative way to the point that I find myself just shutting down much more often with nearly everything I try to do. A nervousness to be doing something yet nothing at all at the same time is the best way I think I can put it. Still, I’m hoping that this had simply been caused by just being in college itself and that it’ll slowly return to normal once I’m simply home and can work out my own pace again.
And on top of it all, it’s making me constantly doubt what I’m doing with my life. But at the same time I know that I’m pushing through with what I want to be doing. Because when I watch others draw or see really nice pieces of work I get a strong urge to draw something, only to be hit by the ‘I can’t do this/I don’t want to do this’ once I try to settle down and do something. In turn making my mind enter a sort of artistic bloack. which is a concern all on its own since not working on improving myself is only hurting me. And that, I think, just adds onto the whole college issue of never being quite good enough that I mentioned before.
Still, I’m thankful that I’m not going through anything bad like I could be doing-and heaven knows I’ve been worse off in the past--and either need to try to work past this anxiety driven funk of mine or hope that it eventually passes away on it’s own.
Anyway, I felt that it was only right to try and let you guys know that I’m alright and what’s been going on with me while I’ve been gone. I’ll try to get this blog back into shape and provide some updates as I can, given how well my anxiety decides to work with me. And I’m sorry for rambling too long on the subject.
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if anyone would want to chat and want to try and catch up with me and stuff. Skype would probably be the best bet there--InnocentIchigo is my user name. Though the Tumblr chat would be alright too of course.
And thank you all so much for sticking around as long as you all have.
(( Oh gosh, hey umm I’m really sorry for being gone as long as I have been.
I’m just gonna explain my absence and stuff under a cut cause I think it may get long. Also gonna queue it a few times for the sake of trying to let everyone still following me to see this.
Okay wow, uh I honestly never meant to suddenly disappear for errr--causally glances to check--4/5 months. Gosh has it really been that long? Wow. Welp I guess as much is to be expected when you have a super busy semester and winter break. Yea, last semester we an almost constant workload that left me in a near constant state of just being mentally burnt out. Which also meant that I really couldn’t do replies because they would have been quite lacking and very sub-par to what I would want to sent out.
Though I guess it can’t be helped. I was either busy working on starting my student thesis animation film with a couple friends of mine--since we joined together as a group to try and lessen the workload we’d be expecting to have. But it still left us with a lot of work and planning to do on top of my other classes and doing whatever I could just to try and stay sane.
Then winter break wasn’t that great either...or too much of a break honestly. Between working at my job and continuing work on animation we fell behind on--because with animation things always go wrong or get backed up somehow (seriously it always finds a way to happen)--I barely had enough time to just let myself relax and take it easy. But I did force myself to take a week to just step away from everything because it was getting to the point that I wasn’t letting myself get enough sleep and started experiencing daily migraines from the eye strain I was causing myself. Since working traditionally means that I’m working off of a light table and either have the light on for a good while or flashing it off and on to check line placement and all that fun stuff. Yea, not too good on the eyes when you’re doing it from the point you wake up until the point you’re going to bed.
And it didn’t help that I ended up catching something at work during my shift on Christmas Eve which got me pretty sick. Spent a better part of a week with a throat that literally felt it was on fire, constant coughing, all the good stuff.
So yea, not the best winter break. And I’m about to start my last semester which I’m more than certain will be my most stressful one yet between finishing my thesis film on top of having to take care of 4 other classes and keeping on top of everything I’m going have to do to prepare for graduation. Which sadly means I’m not 100% sure if I can officially say that I’m back to rping. Though I’m far from giving up on this blog because of how much of a great experience I’ve had here. So I’m certainly coming back at some point. I might be able to be a rare sight on here once in a blue moon depending on how things go, but worst case I won’t be around until early May. But after that I’m technically free and will only have my job and basic life things getting in the way.
But uh, I suppose all of that isn’t everything that’s been keeping me away/getting in the way of my life in general.
You see I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder, or at least I’m fairly certain I do with how it affects my life. Things in life just prevent me from actually seeing someone who can officially diagnose me. And I’m also a bit convinced that I have some kind of depression as well--possibly an anxiety/depression duo disorder if something may trigger the both of them to occur to an extent. Though I’m wary to say that I actually have the latter before actually hearing it from a professional, but I digress.
But, anyway, my anxiety has just been...weird lately. Of course I expected it to be acting up as my last semester approaches and I’m expecting to experience a very heavy workload that’s going to more than likely be pushing me to my extreme limits at points. However, it’s also pushing me into points of something depression-like where I just can’t bring myself to do anything. But it doesn’t exactly feel like I figure depression should, unless it’s possible to being just experiencing the dread and lack of wanting to do practically anything. Even so, it doesn’t always feel like I’m experiencing only dread. Like it’s formed into this feeling of dread, being disheartened, lack of motivation, and a shut down of sorts being mixed into one nearly ever present state of mind. While also being coupled with this drive to want to do something and having to fight off the doubt of being able to pull anything off well. Even with doing small occasional rps with a friend of mine and working on my animation I quickly experience this pit in my chest, sometimes getting panicky, and wanting to back out of everything and just do nothing while wanting to at least do something. But shortly after setting things down to let myself take a breather to recover I quickly get restless and anxious to pick it back up and continue onward.
And I feel that some of it is coming from simply being in college--specifically the end of it. The pressure to always be working to be the best and being chastised by some teachers for either simply not being that or improving as quickly as they’d like to see. The feeling of guilt for needing to take a break or being stuck or having to work on one project instead of another that spirals into a near endless loop. And at first I knew and understood that it’s simply something that comes with being an art major--I mean I’m certainly not the only person who gets that kind of talk from teachers. But it’s spilled into almost everything in life and it’s affected my anxiety in a negative way to the point that I find myself just shutting down much more often with nearly everything I try to do. A nervousness to be doing something yet nothing at all at the same time is the best way I think I can put it. Still, I’m hoping that this had simply been caused by just being in college itself and that it’ll slowly return to normal once I’m simply home and can work out my own pace again.
And on top of it all, it’s making me constantly doubt what I’m doing with my life. But at the same time I know that I’m pushing through with what I want to be doing. Because when I watch others draw or see really nice pieces of work I get a strong urge to draw something, only to be hit by the ‘I can’t do this/I don’t want to do this’ once I try to settle down and do something. In turn making my mind enter a sort of artistic bloack. which is a concern all on its own since not working on improving myself is only hurting me. And that, I think, just adds onto the whole college issue of never being quite good enough that I mentioned before.
Still, I’m thankful that I’m not going through anything bad like I could be doing-and heaven knows I’ve been worse off in the past--and either need to try to work past this anxiety driven funk of mine or hope that it eventually passes away on it’s own.
Anyway, I felt that it was only right to try and let you guys know that I’m alright and what’s been going on with me while I’ve been gone. I’ll try to get this blog back into shape and provide some updates as I can, given how well my anxiety decides to work with me. And I’m sorry for rambling too long on the subject.
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if anyone would want to chat and want to try and catch up with me and stuff. Skype would probably be the best bet there--InnocentIchigo is my user name. Though the Tumblr chat would be alright too of course.
And thank you all so much for sticking around as long as you all have.
(( Oh gosh, hey umm I’m really sorry for being gone as long as I have been.
I’m just gonna explain my absence and stuff under a cut cause I think it may get long. Also gonna queue it a few times for the sake of trying to let everyone still following me to see this.
Okay wow, uh I honestly never meant to suddenly disappear for errr--causally glances to check--4/5 months. Gosh has it really been that long? Wow. Welp I guess as much is to be expected when you have a super busy semester and winter break. Yea, last semester we an almost constant workload that left me in a near constant state of just being mentally burnt out. Which also meant that I really couldn’t do replies because they would have been quite lacking and very sub-par to what I would want to sent out.
Though I guess it can’t be helped. I was either busy working on starting my student thesis animation film with a couple friends of mine--since we joined together as a group to try and lessen the workload we’d be expecting to have. But it still left us with a lot of work and planning to do on top of my other classes and doing whatever I could just to try and stay sane.
Then winter break wasn’t that great either...or too much of a break honestly. Between working at my job and continuing work on animation we fell behind on--because with animation things always go wrong or get backed up somehow (seriously it always finds a way to happen)--I barely had enough time to just let myself relax and take it easy. But I did force myself to take a week to just step away from everything because it was getting to the point that I wasn’t letting myself get enough sleep and started experiencing daily migraines from the eye strain I was causing myself. Since working traditionally means that I’m working off of a light table and either have the light on for a good while or flashing it off and on to check line placement and all that fun stuff. Yea, not too good on the eyes when you’re doing it from the point you wake up until the point you’re going to bed.
And it didn’t help that I ended up catching something at work during my shift on Christmas Eve which got me pretty sick. Spent a better part of a week with a throat that literally felt it was on fire, constant coughing, all the good stuff.
So yea, not the best winter break. And I’m about to start my last semester which I’m more than certain will be my most stressful one yet between finishing my thesis film on top of having to take care of 4 other classes and keeping on top of everything I’m going have to do to prepare for graduation. Which sadly means I’m not 100% sure if I can officially say that I’m back to rping. Though I’m far from giving up on this blog because of how much of a great experience I’ve had here. So I’m certainly coming back at some point. I might be able to be a rare sight on here once in a blue moon depending on how things go, but worst case I won’t be around until early May. But after that I’m technically free and will only have my job and basic life things getting in the way.
But uh, I suppose all of that isn’t everything that’s been keeping me away/getting in the way of my life in general.
You see I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder, or at least I’m fairly certain I do with how it affects my life. Things in life just prevent me from actually seeing someone who can officially diagnose me. And I’m also a bit convinced that I have some kind of depression as well--possibly an anxiety/depression duo disorder if something may trigger the both of them to occur to an extent. Though I’m wary to say that I actually have the latter before actually hearing it from a professional, but I digress.
But, anyway, my anxiety has just been...weird lately. Of course I expected it to be acting up as my last semester approaches and I’m expecting to experience a very heavy workload that’s going to more than likely be pushing me to my extreme limits at points. However, it’s also pushing me into points of something depression-like where I just can’t bring myself to do anything. But it doesn’t exactly feel like I figure depression should, unless it’s possible to being just experiencing the dread and lack of wanting to do practically anything. Even so, it doesn’t always feel like I’m experiencing only dread. Like it’s formed into this feeling of dread, being disheartened, lack of motivation, and a shut down of sorts being mixed into one nearly ever present state of mind. While also being coupled with this drive to want to do something and having to fight off the doubt of being able to pull anything off well. Even with doing small occasional rps with a friend of mine and working on my animation I quickly experience this pit in my chest, sometimes getting panicky, and wanting to back out of everything and just do nothing while wanting to at least do something. But shortly after setting things down to let myself take a breather to recover I quickly get restless and anxious to pick it back up and continue onward.
And I feel that some of it is coming from simply being in college--specifically the end of it. The pressure to always be working to be the best and being chastised by some teachers for either simply not being that or improving as quickly as they’d like to see. The feeling of guilt for needing to take a break or being stuck or having to work on one project instead of another that spirals into a near endless loop. And at first I knew and understood that it’s simply something that comes with being an art major--I mean I’m certainly not the only person who gets that kind of talk from teachers. But it’s spilled into almost everything in life and it’s affected my anxiety in a negative way to the point that I find myself just shutting down much more often with nearly everything I try to do. A nervousness to be doing something yet nothing at all at the same time is the best way I think I can put it. Still, I’m hoping that this had simply been caused by just being in college itself and that it’ll slowly return to normal once I’m simply home and can work out my own pace again.
And on top of it all, it’s making me constantly doubt what I’m doing with my life. But at the same time I know that I’m pushing through with what I want to be doing. Because when I watch others draw or see really nice pieces of work I get a strong urge to draw something, only to be hit by the ‘I can’t do this/I don’t want to do this’ once I try to settle down and do something. In turn making my mind enter a sort of artistic bloack. which is a concern all on its own since not working on improving myself is only hurting me. And that, I think, just adds onto the whole college issue of never being quite good enough that I mentioned before.
Still, I’m thankful that I’m not going through anything bad like I could be doing-and heaven knows I’ve been worse off in the past--and either need to try to work past this anxiety driven funk of mine or hope that it eventually passes away on it’s own.
Anyway, I felt that it was only right to try and let you guys know that I’m alright and what’s been going on with me while I’ve been gone. I’ll try to get this blog back into shape and provide some updates as I can, given how well my anxiety decides to work with me. And I’m sorry for rambling too long on the subject.
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if anyone would want to chat and want to try and catch up with me and stuff. Skype would probably be the best bet there--InnocentIchigo is my user name. Though the Tumblr chat would be alright too of course.
And thank you all so much for sticking around as long as you all have.
(( Oh gosh, hey umm I’m really sorry for being gone as long as I have been.
I’m just gonna explain my absence and stuff under a cut cause I think it may get long. Also gonna queue it a few times for the sake of trying to let everyone still following me to see this.
Okay wow, uh I honestly never meant to suddenly disappear for errr--causally glances to check--4/5 months. Gosh has it really been that long? Wow. Welp I guess as much is to be expected when you have a super busy semester and winter break. Yea, last semester we an almost constant workload that left me in a near constant state of just being mentally burnt out. Which also meant that I really couldn’t do replies because they would have been quite lacking and very sub-par to what I would want to sent out.
Though I guess it can’t be helped. I was either busy working on starting my student thesis animation film with a couple friends of mine--since we joined together as a group to try and lessen the workload we’d be expecting to have. But it still left us with a lot of work and planning to do on top of my other classes and doing whatever I could just to try and stay sane.
Then winter break wasn’t that great either...or too much of a break honestly. Between working at my job and continuing work on animation we fell behind on--because with animation things always go wrong or get backed up somehow (seriously it always finds a way to happen)--I barely had enough time to just let myself relax and take it easy. But I did force myself to take a week to just step away from everything because it was getting to the point that I wasn’t letting myself get enough sleep and started experiencing daily migraines from the eye strain I was causing myself. Since working traditionally means that I’m working off of a light table and either have the light on for a good while or flashing it off and on to check line placement and all that fun stuff. Yea, not too good on the eyes when you’re doing it from the point you wake up until the point you’re going to bed.
And it didn’t help that I ended up catching something at work during my shift on Christmas Eve which got me pretty sick. Spent a better part of a week with a throat that literally felt it was on fire, constant coughing, all the good stuff.
So yea, not the best winter break. And I’m about to start my last semester which I’m more than certain will be my most stressful one yet between finishing my thesis film on top of having to take care of 4 other classes and keeping on top of everything I’m going have to do to prepare for graduation. Which sadly means I’m not 100% sure if I can officially say that I’m back to rping. Though I’m far from giving up on this blog because of how much of a great experience I’ve had here. So I’m certainly coming back at some point. I might be able to be a rare sight on here once in a blue moon depending on how things go, but worst case I won’t be around until early May. But after that I’m technically free and will only have my job and basic life things getting in the way.
But uh, I suppose all of that isn’t everything that’s been keeping me away/getting in the way of my life in general.
You see I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder, or at least I’m fairly certain I do with how it affects my life. Things in life just prevent me from actually seeing someone who can officially diagnose me. And I’m also a bit convinced that I have some kind of depression as well--possibly an anxiety/depression duo disorder if something may trigger the both of them to occur to an extent. Though I’m wary to say that I actually have the latter before actually hearing it from a professional, but I digress.
But, anyway, my anxiety has just been...weird lately. Of course I expected it to be acting up as my last semester approaches and I’m expecting to experience a very heavy workload that’s going to more than likely be pushing me to my extreme limits at points. However, it’s also pushing me into points of something depression-like where I just can’t bring myself to do anything. But it doesn’t exactly feel like I figure depression should, unless it’s possible to being just experiencing the dread and lack of wanting to do practically anything. Even so, it doesn’t always feel like I’m experiencing only dread. Like it’s formed into this feeling of dread, being disheartened, lack of motivation, and a shut down of sorts being mixed into one nearly ever present state of mind. While also being coupled with this drive to want to do something and having to fight off the doubt of being able to pull anything off well. Even with doing small occasional rps with a friend of mine and working on my animation I quickly experience this pit in my chest, sometimes getting panicky, and wanting to back out of everything and just do nothing while wanting to at least do something. But shortly after setting things down to let myself take a breather to recover I quickly get restless and anxious to pick it back up and continue onward.
And I feel that some of it is coming from simply being in college--specifically the end of it. The pressure to always be working to be the best and being chastised by some teachers for either simply not being that or improving as quickly as they’d like to see. The feeling of guilt for needing to take a break or being stuck or having to work on one project instead of another that spirals into a near endless loop. And at first I knew and understood that it’s simply something that comes with being an art major--I mean I’m certainly not the only person who gets that kind of talk from teachers. But it’s spilled into almost everything in life and it’s affected my anxiety in a negative way to the point that I find myself just shutting down much more often with nearly everything I try to do. A nervousness to be doing something yet nothing at all at the same time is the best way I think I can put it. Still, I’m hoping that this had simply been caused by just being in college itself and that it’ll slowly return to normal once I’m simply home and can work out my own pace again.
And on top of it all, it’s making me constantly doubt what I’m doing with my life. But at the same time I know that I’m pushing through with what I want to be doing. Because when I watch others draw or see really nice pieces of work I get a strong urge to draw something, only to be hit by the ‘I can’t do this/I don’t want to do this’ once I try to settle down and do something. In turn making my mind enter a sort of artistic bloack. which is a concern all on its own since not working on improving myself is only hurting me. And that, I think, just adds onto the whole college issue of never being quite good enough that I mentioned before.
Still, I’m thankful that I’m not going through anything bad like I could be doing-and heaven knows I’ve been worse off in the past--and either need to try to work past this anxiety driven funk of mine or hope that it eventually passes away on it’s own.
Anyway, I felt that it was only right to try and let you guys know that I’m alright and what’s been going on with me while I’ve been gone. I’ll try to get this blog back into shape and provide some updates as I can, given how well my anxiety decides to work with me. And I’m sorry for rambling too long on the subject.
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if anyone would want to chat and want to try and catch up with me and stuff. Skype would probably be the best bet there--InnocentIchigo is my user name. Though the Tumblr chat would be alright too of course.
And thank you all so much for sticking around as long as you all have.
(( Oh gosh, hey umm I’m really sorry for being gone as long as I have been.
I’m just gonna explain my absence and stuff under a cut cause I think it may get long. Also gonna queue it a few times for the sake of trying to let everyone still following me to see this.
Okay wow, uh I honestly never meant to suddenly disappear for errr--causally glances to check--4/5 months. Gosh has it really been that long? Wow. Welp I guess as much is to be expected when you have a super busy semester and winter break. Yea, last semester we an almost constant workload that left me in a near constant state of just being mentally burnt out. Which also meant that I really couldn’t do replies because they would have been quite lacking and very sub-par to what I would want to sent out.
Though I guess it can’t be helped. I was either busy working on starting my student thesis animation film with a couple friends of mine--since we joined together as a group to try and lessen the workload we’d be expecting to have. But it still left us with a lot of work and planning to do on top of my other classes and doing whatever I could just to try and stay sane.
Then winter break wasn’t that great either...or too much of a break honestly. Between working at my job and continuing work on animation we fell behind on--because with animation things always go wrong or get backed up somehow (seriously it always finds a way to happen)--I barely had enough time to just let myself relax and take it easy. But I did force myself to take a week to just step away from everything because it was getting to the point that I wasn’t letting myself get enough sleep and started experiencing daily migraines from the eye strain I was causing myself. Since working traditionally means that I’m working off of a light table and either have the light on for a good while or flashing it off and on to check line placement and all that fun stuff. Yea, not too good on the eyes when you’re doing it from the point you wake up until the point you’re going to bed.
And it didn’t help that I ended up catching something at work during my shift on Christmas Eve which got me pretty sick. Spent a better part of a week with a throat that literally felt it was on fire, constant coughing, all the good stuff.
So yea, not the best winter break. And I’m about to start my last semester which I’m more than certain will be my most stressful one yet between finishing my thesis film on top of having to take care of 4 other classes and keeping on top of everything I’m going have to do to prepare for graduation. Which sadly means I’m not 100% sure if I can officially say that I’m back to rping. Though I’m far from giving up on this blog because of how much of a great experience I’ve had here. So I’m certainly coming back at some point. I might be able to be a rare sight on here once in a blue moon depending on how things go, but worst case I won’t be around until early May. But after that I’m technically free and will only have my job and basic life things getting in the way.
But uh, I suppose all of that isn’t everything that’s been keeping me away/getting in the way of my life in general.
You see I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder, or at least I’m fairly certain I do with how it affects my life. Things in life just prevent me from actually seeing someone who can officially diagnose me. And I’m also a bit convinced that I have some kind of depression as well--possibly an anxiety/depression duo disorder if something may trigger the both of them to occur to an extent. Though I’m wary to say that I actually have the latter before actually hearing it from a professional, but I digress.
But, anyway, my anxiety has just been...weird lately. Of course I expected it to be acting up as my last semester approaches and I’m expecting to experience a very heavy workload that’s going to more than likely be pushing me to my extreme limits at points. However, it’s also pushing me into points of something depression-like where I just can’t bring myself to do anything. But it doesn’t exactly feel like I figure depression should, unless it’s possible to being just experiencing the dread and lack of wanting to do practically anything. Even so, it doesn’t always feel like I’m experiencing only dread. Like it’s formed into this feeling of dread, being disheartened, lack of motivation, and a shut down of sorts being mixed into one nearly ever present state of mind. While also being coupled with this drive to want to do something and having to fight off the doubt of being able to pull anything off well. Even with doing small occasional rps with a friend of mine and working on my animation I quickly experience this pit in my chest, sometimes getting panicky, and wanting to back out of everything and just do nothing while wanting to at least do something. But shortly after setting things down to let myself take a breather to recover I quickly get restless and anxious to pick it back up and continue onward.
And I feel that some of it is coming from simply being in college--specifically the end of it. The pressure to always be working to be the best and being chastised by some teachers for either simply not being that or improving as quickly as they’d like to see. The feeling of guilt for needing to take a break or being stuck or having to work on one project instead of another that spirals into a near endless loop. And at first I knew and understood that it’s simply something that comes with being an art major--I mean I’m certainly not the only person who gets that kind of talk from teachers. But it’s spilled into almost everything in life and it’s affected my anxiety in a negative way to the point that I find myself just shutting down much more often with nearly everything I try to do. A nervousness to be doing something yet nothing at all at the same time is the best way I think I can put it. Still, I’m hoping that this had simply been caused by just being in college itself and that it’ll slowly return to normal once I’m simply home and can work out my own pace again.
And on top of it all, it’s making me constantly doubt what I’m doing with my life. But at the same time I know that I’m pushing through with what I want to be doing. Because when I watch others draw or see really nice pieces of work I get a strong urge to draw something, only to be hit by the ‘I can’t do this/I don’t want to do this’ once I try to settle down and do something. In turn making my mind enter a sort of artistic bloack. which is a concern all on its own since not working on improving myself is only hurting me. And that, I think, just adds onto the whole college issue of never being quite good enough that I mentioned before.
Still, I’m thankful that I’m not going through anything bad like I could be doing-and heaven knows I’ve been worse off in the past--and either need to try to work past this anxiety driven funk of mine or hope that it eventually passes away on it’s own.
Anyway, I felt that it was only right to try and let you guys know that I’m alright and what’s been going on with me while I’ve been gone. I’ll try to get this blog back into shape and provide some updates as I can, given how well my anxiety decides to work with me. And I’m sorry for rambling too long on the subject.
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if anyone would want to chat and want to try and catch up with me and stuff. Skype would probably be the best bet there--InnocentIchigo is my user name. Though the Tumblr chat would be alright too of course.
And thank you all so much for sticking around as long as you all have.
(( Oh gosh, hey umm I’m really sorry for being gone as long as I have been.
I’m just gonna explain my absence and stuff under a cut cause I think it may get long. Also gonna queue it a few times for the sake of trying to let everyone still following me to see this.
Okay wow, uh I honestly never meant to suddenly disappear for errr--causally glances to check--4/5 months. Gosh has it really been that long? Wow. Welp I guess as much is to be expected when you have a super busy semester and winter break. Yea, last semester we an almost constant workload that left me in a near constant state of just being mentally burnt out. Which also meant that I really couldn’t do replies because they would have been quite lacking and very sub-par to what I would want to sent out.
Though I guess it can’t be helped. I was either busy working on starting my student thesis animation film with a couple friends of mine--since we joined together as a group to try and lessen the workload we’d be expecting to have. But it still left us with a lot of work and planning to do on top of my other classes and doing whatever I could just to try and stay sane.
Then winter break wasn’t that great either...or too much of a break honestly. Between working at my job and continuing work on animation we fell behind on--because with animation things always go wrong or get backed up somehow (seriously it always finds a way to happen)--I barely had enough time to just let myself relax and take it easy. But I did force myself to take a week to just step away from everything because it was getting to the point that I wasn’t letting myself get enough sleep and started experiencing daily migraines from the eye strain I was causing myself. Since working traditionally means that I’m working off of a light table and either have the light on for a good while or flashing it off and on to check line placement and all that fun stuff. Yea, not too good on the eyes when you’re doing it from the point you wake up until the point you’re going to bed.
And it didn’t help that I ended up catching something at work during my shift on Christmas Eve which got me pretty sick. Spent a better part of a week with a throat that literally felt it was on fire, constant coughing, all the good stuff.
So yea, not the best winter break. And I’m about to start my last semester which I’m more than certain will be my most stressful one yet between finishing my thesis film on top of having to take care of 4 other classes and keeping on top of everything I’m going have to do to prepare for graduation. Which sadly means I’m not 100% sure if I can officially say that I’m back to rping. Though I’m far from giving up on this blog because of how much of a great experience I’ve had here. So I’m certainly coming back at some point. I might be able to be a rare sight on here once in a blue moon depending on how things go, but worst case I won’t be around until early May. But after that I’m technically free and will only have my job and basic life things getting in the way.
But uh, I suppose all of that isn’t everything that’s been keeping me away/getting in the way of my life in general.
You see I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder, or at least I’m fairly certain I do with how it affects my life. Things in life just prevent me from actually seeing someone who can officially diagnose me. And I’m also a bit convinced that I have some kind of depression as well--possibly an anxiety/depression duo disorder if something may trigger the both of them to occur to an extent. Though I’m wary to say that I actually have the latter before actually hearing it from a professional, but I digress.
But, anyway, my anxiety has just been...weird lately. Of course I expected it to be acting up as my last semester approaches and I’m expecting to experience a very heavy workload that’s going to more than likely be pushing me to my extreme limits at points. However, it’s also pushing me into points of something depression-like where I just can’t bring myself to do anything. But it doesn’t exactly feel like I figure depression should, unless it’s possible to being just experiencing the dread and lack of wanting to do practically anything. Even so, it doesn’t always feel like I’m experiencing only dread. Like it’s formed into this feeling of dread, being disheartened, lack of motivation, and a shut down of sorts being mixed into one nearly ever present state of mind. While also being coupled with this drive to want to do something and having to fight off the doubt of being able to pull anything off well. Even with doing small occasional rps with a friend of mine and working on my animation I quickly experience this pit in my chest, sometimes getting panicky, and wanting to back out of everything and just do nothing while wanting to at least do something. But shortly after setting things down to let myself take a breather to recover I quickly get restless and anxious to pick it back up and continue onward.
And I feel that some of it is coming from simply being in college--specifically the end of it. The pressure to always be working to be the best and being chastised by some teachers for either simply not being that or improving as quickly as they’d like to see. The feeling of guilt for needing to take a break or being stuck or having to work on one project instead of another that spirals into a near endless loop. And at first I knew and understood that it’s simply something that comes with being an art major--I mean I’m certainly not the only person who gets that kind of talk from teachers. But it’s spilled into almost everything in life and it’s affected my anxiety in a negative way to the point that I find myself just shutting down much more often with nearly everything I try to do. A nervousness to be doing something yet nothing at all at the same time is the best way I think I can put it. Still, I’m hoping that this had simply been caused by just being in college itself and that it’ll slowly return to normal once I’m simply home and can work out my own pace again.
And on top of it all, it’s making me constantly doubt what I’m doing with my life. But at the same time I know that I’m pushing through with what I want to be doing. Because when I watch others draw or see really nice pieces of work I get a strong urge to draw something, only to be hit by the ‘I can’t do this/I don’t want to do this’ once I try to settle down and do something. In turn making my mind enter a sort of artistic bloack. which is a concern all on its own since not working on improving myself is only hurting me. And that, I think, just adds onto the whole college issue of never being quite good enough that I mentioned before.
Still, I’m thankful that I’m not going through anything bad like I could be doing-and heaven knows I’ve been worse off in the past--and either need to try to work past this anxiety driven funk of mine or hope that it eventually passes away on it’s own.
Anyway, I felt that it was only right to try and let you guys know that I’m alright and what’s been going on with me while I’ve been gone. I’ll try to get this blog back into shape and provide some updates as I can, given how well my anxiety decides to work with me. And I’m sorry for rambling too long on the subject.
Oh, and I certainly don’t mind if anyone would want to chat and want to try and catch up with me and stuff. Skype would probably be the best bet there--InnocentIchigo is my user name. Though the Tumblr chat would be alright too of course.
And thank you all so much for sticking around as long as you all have.
“O-oh good afternoon t-there.” she smiled softly as she greeted the boy stepping inside the nurse’s office. “Is t-there something that I c-can help you with?” she asked as she quickly finished cleaning off her work space from a previous patient before moving to walk over to him.
“I’m Tsumiki Mikan, t-the assistant nurse here, and I’d be more t-than happy to give you a hand. Of course, if you wouldn’t feel comfortable w-with me seeing to you as I’m still a student I c-completely understand. In which case, y-you’d have to wait a moment for me to g-go fetch the nurse from her office.” she added, nodding slightly towards a small office in the back.
– [ ♫ ❀ ♫ ] – Crimson hues blinked for a couple of seconds. While the explanation of the medication being unlabeled was plausible, but it didn’t answer her question that she had asked. She wasn’t part of the medical field by any means–despite studying basic information about it in case she did need assistance with it. Regardless, the heiress waited patiently for the documents. Perhaps it would explain the medication if she could pinpoint each and every one of them. Then again, that was being too lenient and wasteful of time. Taeko had other matters to deal with later on and thus such a thing was not necessary. Though, her own persona was of a intimidating one and thus there was a certain fear of shaking up the timid nurse even further. Alas, sacrifices were necessary to be made and she will ask once more.
While waiting for the documents would take such little time, being productive during seconds was always beneficial. Eyes removing themselves from glancing at the blaring white that was placed down onto the counter by her hand, Taeko glanced at the other medications to see if there were any other cases similar to this. Everything was still organized–at least decently enough to be easily identifiable. Vitamins and minerals were placed in a separate cabinet as well as painkillers and even poisons. She would eventually move on from the capsuled drugs to more so utility, examining each quality of blades, needles, and other morbid like devices that could be used to perform on a person. Morbid of a thought it was, most of the blade quality was rarely touched and was in tip-top condition. Abundance was another and this was indicating that such material was not needed to be replaced or upgraded.
A delicate hand grabbed onto the handle of the refrigerator, opening it to find sacs of blood piled on top of each other. Seeing blood was not something pleasant for her, but it did not trigger her to relapse into painful memories. Reaching forward, she pulled a couple out to examine them. Type O, Type B-, Type AB+. Blood types were labeled and that was satisfactory. Placing the blood packs back into their places, the heiress closed the door with her foot to grab her board and documents to jot down her examinations.
As she rummaged around one of the file drawers she slowly took notice of the sounds of footsteps sounding around the nearby area of the nurse’s office. And normally she would just go ahead an assume that someone else might be down there and searching for someone to help take care of something. However, it was easy to hear the distinct tapping and clicking noise that Taeko’s shoes made against the tilted floor. Not to mention, she doubted that the girl would just want to sit still as she waited for the paperwork. Not when there was no telling just how much work the girl still needed to inspect upon.
And it appeared that her assumption had been right as she was walking back over just as Taeko was closing the door to their blood storage. “Ah, s-sorry. I didn’t mean to take too l-long. I just wanted to double check a-and make sure that everything w-was here.” she said as she held the small stack of papers out. “Though I w-wouldn’t be against it if you wanted t-to take a moment to flip through e-everything to see f-for yourself.” she quickly added, thoughshe supposed that is Taeko was required to do that then it wasn’t like Tsumiki’s permission would even be needed.
In truth, everything he knows is based on trial and error though surely it will go far better if is taught by someone with experience than go with his knowledge alone. However never has tried on another person aside himself— so has no clue in how that could result. At least the intentions are good, which should be a point at his favor. Maybe. “I hope she can be okay with that, I don’t wanna bother ya or anyone. Just be a little of help.” Even if is a trespasser.
“Nay, don’t fret Tsumiki-san. I’ll tell you when I’m ready with both of those tasks but heh~ I like the rush and all because is exciting go in a race against the clock. Have ya ever felt the thrill when there is a competition? It’s like that… I think.” Thinking twice, the nurse doesn’t seem as a person that enjoys challenges with the same passion as him. “–Or… Hm, the emotion when there is an improvement in a skill?” Perhaps Mikan can relate more to that than the prior example.
“I suppose w-we’ll find out once we a-ask. But I mean even if she m-might not agree to let you t-then at least we tried r-right?” she attempted to comfort him so that he wouldn’t get so hung up over the possibility of being told no. “Plus I’m s-sure that she would really appreciate the t-thought regardless of her choice. I mean she almost n-never has students even mention about trying to h-help out down there. So just asking would probably mean quite a-a bit to her.”
But as he mentioned how what he was doing was for the thrill of a competition she couldn’t help but to blink a bit. “Oh u-um..I’m not exactly sure I-I understand where you’re c-coming from with that.” So he was trying to get better quicker? Or was he just preoccupied with doing things quickly all at once? Though she was still unsure as to where the competition aspect was supposed to come in at. At least until he mentioned that he meant it more in a sense of just bettering himself. “O-oh! I see what you mean n-now.” she nodded, “So you just like how n-nice it feels to know that y-your improving right? I can certainly understand t-that.”
Tsumiki glanced up as she heard the familiar sound of footsteps approaching the nurse’s office. And when she glanced over to the entrance her eyes quickly landed onto a boy as he stepped through the door. “Oh h-hello there.” she called over to catch his attention as she set down somethings she had been putting away. “Is there something t-that I could help you w-with?” she asked as she began to walk over to him before quickly adding,
“Oh I-I’m Tsumiki Mikan b-by the way, and I’m the the assistant n-nurse who helps out down h-here. It’s certainly a-a pleasure to be meeting you.”
Cyber smile and nods his head “yes i would love some help eating did you enjoy your work today?”
She nodded as she walked over, placing the plate on the bed’s table tray before she began to cut up some of the food. “Yes, i-it was quite nice. One of the m-more quieter nights I think I c-could say. Not that noise bothers m-me of course, but it’s nice to not always feel panicked and rushed w-when you’re trying to do what you n-need to do, if t-that makes any sense.” she chuckled a bit as she held out some food with a fork. “Plus I-I’m sure that other p-patients out and about enjoy the c-calmness of it all as well.”
Azure eyes sheepishly cast downwards as another pang of pain flashed through Byakuren’s head; as stubborn as she was she knew better than to argue with Tsumiki, especially considering the condition she was in. Honestly, it was nothing short of a miracle that she hadn’t acted more harshly towards her as a result of the fall and this sudden throbbing pain, but she was trying her absolute best to be kind and friendly towards her, as she was one of the few people she could trust at this school–and it certainly didn’t hurt to have connections in the nurse’s office, especially when a mere student was more reliable, empathetic and skilled than the Togami family’s private physicians. Of course, this would also mean that she was relinquishing her free will once more just as she had the last time they had met, when she had nearly fainted due to her own negligence–but at least this time her condition wasn’t her own fault, even if she was still hesitant in solely blaming Tsumiki.
With a sigh and another wince the heiress slowly stood up, dusted herself off, and adjusted her hair and glasses, then held a hand out to the nurse so that she could follow suit, pulling her up with the slightest of difficulties. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?” she asked, followed by a wry laugh and a grimace; a weak attempt at teasing her, but then again anything she would attempt at this point would be a fraction of what her normal abilities would be. Shaking her head gently so as to not invoke any unnecessary pain, she continued, “Alright, if you insist; lead the way. I will admit I’m not looking forward to this examination, but I am trying to maintain my health to its fullest extent after what happened last time we met, and as such I will put my trust and wellbeing in your hands.”
“Ah w-well, I don’t think I could say that you don’t have a-any choice at all in t-the matter. I mean, besides f-from a life or death situation, I would never f-force you to go to the nurse’s office. Since it is y-your choice and the most I can do is t-to give you the reasons I see that c-concern me.” she explained, hoping that Byakuren hadn’t actually thought that she would have no choice but to come with her. Granted, perhaps she was stating it in a more rhetorical kind of way, knowing that she would have to go to make sure that everything was alright with her. Or perhaps the girl knew that is was simply for the best if she resigned herself to coming down, and was possibly just showing her displeasure for having to do so. Which Tsumiki couldn’t blame the other’s distaste for the nurse’s office. She understood that not many people enjoyed the thought of going to the nurse and being poked or prodded until they were deemed alright and sent on their way again.
Which kind of made her feel even worse about tripping and falling on the other. Because, even if Byakuren insisted that the fall hadn’t hurt her, she had a feeling that she might have added onto what might have already been there. In turn pushing it from something bearable to something she couldn’t force herself to put up with. “But I-I’ll try to promise to not keep y-you for too long. I mean, as l-long as everything checks out t-then you’d certainly be f-free to go back to what you were d-doing afterwards.” she added, hoping that it would brighten up the other’s mood even slightly. And from how things looked at the moment, she was fairly confident that might very well end up being the case.
(( Welp I’m sorry for the long pause between replies. I just got the chance to get ahead in some work for classes so I might not be too bogged down the next couple weeks so that I can try and keep replies coming out on a somewhat consistent basis.
Also on behalf of it being munday have a pic of the mun under the cut.
(( Excuse my weirdly colored hair. I attempted to bleach my hair last week--trying to dye it lavender--and the bleach wasn’t strong enough.
Tsumiki blinked as she turned her head and glanced over at the small, young girl walking into the nurse’s office. Or at least she appeared to be rather young in her opinion. “Oh h-hello there.” she greeted the girl calmly, wondering where her parents or guardians must be. “Is e-everything okay? I mean you m-must be a bit young to be w-wandering around alone r-right? I’m guessing that y-you must have gotten separated f-from your parents?” she asked, figuring that was more likely to be what had happened to the girl.
“Really? Oh thank you! I’m glad to know that you believe in me as well!” The prefect said smiling brightly. Though people had told him he could accomplish his dream, having her say it made him feel a whole lot more confident. Ishimaru as if on command walked over to her and hugged her tightly. “I’m glad you believe in me..!”
She smiled as her words seemed to have a profound effect on him. Which made her wonder for a moment on whether or not was told words of encouragement like that often. Though she could also guess that being told such positive things from people he didn’t really know must feel pretty good too.
However, she hadn’t expected him to rush over and wrap his arms around her in a hug. Which, in turn, caused her to let out a small startled noise and tense up a bit as she wasn’t exactly used to sudden physical contact. But she tried to quickly calm herself down so he didn’t worry too much about it, nervously bringing her hands up to lightly pat at his back. “Ah w-well why wouldn’t I?” she asked, “I mean I w-would feel incredibly rude i-if I didn’t at least try t-to give you that much support. Especially when y-you look to be so passionate a-about it.”
Shiori certainly understood Tsumiki’s sentiment, as she too possessed skills that only appeared to be useful in specific situations. After all, she couldn’t just go around with a gun and shoot everything in sight; if anything she was much more reserved about her abilities than the average marksman was, and she only practiced them whenever she was on duty and someone was in danger, or when she had time to herself and the shooting range was empty. The thought flitted across her mind that she might take her there and teach her how to use a firearm, but she decided to file that away for now as not only was the nurse a rather nervous person in general, but she also knew only about her occupation as a policewoman, not her talent. Perhaps in due time, but now she needed to focus on the task at hand, and with that she turned back to her drawing.
As Tsumiki explained the basic mechanics of CPR Shiori was quite careful to take as detailed notes as she could while sketching out the rest of her diagram, notating the specific amounts and numbers even though she most likely wouldn’t remember or use them in practice. She wanted to be sure that she had all the possible information she needed to succeed at the procedure, not only so she could gain certification in the future but possibly save a life as well. Once she was finished she placed her notebook and pen to the side and shyly asked, “I see…do you think I could try compressing the chest myself, just so I can see how it would work…?”
After compressing the chest a little slower than normal a few times, she attempted to try and go a bit slower then that. Just to give Shiori a better chance to draw out any notes that she might be trying to get--as she noticed the other’s eyes flicking back and forth between the notebook and her. And of course she had no problem doing something like this if it might help the other out with making sure her notes read well, or something like that.
But then, when Shiori nervously spoke up about wanting to give it a try, Tsumiki eagerly nodded her head. “Oh y-yes, yes of course.” she replied as she pulled away from the mannequin and tried to give Shiori all the room she would need while still being close to easily ask questions. “Don’t w-worry too much about g-getting it right the first time. Rather, y-you should focus on getting a feel of how the c-compression will feel under y-your hands. Since it can be both q-quite strange and hard to commit some things to m-memory.”
