Sunshine

Child of the one true King

[cangelicaaa]

It Felt Too Real

He looked so good with the other girl. Take-out in his room with a bunch of mirror selfies. His arms were wrapped around her waist while his nose touched her head. He was happy. He really was.

I woke up. It was all just a dream.

[cangelicaaa]

THE LEFT SIDE

It was a very cold morning; I woke up. I woke up in the right side of the bed which is my favourite side. The left side was empty and I felt a little heat in that side. I placed my hand in that part, the left side, and asked, “Where are you?” Yes, I was looking for you. I was craving for your embrace. I miss you; I miss the way you cling to me, the stares that instantly makes me melt, the little kisses that seals every promise you make, and your voice that calms the raging seas inside my head. Now, I guess I saw how I’ll be in the future if I wake up without you beside me. I would immediately look for you and ask you to make me feel so loved. All I want is one day, you’d be the first person I’ll see when I wake up in the morning. I love you.

[kbdiamondes]

BE STILL

As I gaze upon your face – brighten up like the sun – I always hope that it would not die down. If it would, my happiness will surely be put into rest. For you presence has lead me to where I am right now. A place full of love, hope and compassion.

My only prayer for you – hun, is to always keep that smile of yours that radiates bliss into my life. When pain arrives, always remember that you are not atoning it alone. For it is OURS to bear. Be still, the love of my life. I am here to feel everything with you. ALWAYS.

// I love you so much Angelica, the woman that I need and the woman who brought me back to the Lord.

[cangelicaaa]

I love you more, hunny.. ♥️ Please, be patient with me..

[cangelicaaa]

ALWAYS

I could already see myself spending forever with you. As we watch our Caleb, Agape, and our third little one fall asleep, you wrapped me in your arms, giving me cute little kisses and said, “I never regretted choosing you.” You’re my home; you just never failed to make me feel so loved. I may not be the most beautiful woman in earth, but you made me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen and ever had. You made me the happiest I could be. I’m just so delighted that finally, someone had the courage to love me genuinely, accepting who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I’ll always love you, hunny. Always.

[cangelicaaa]

OUR LITTLE ONE WAS THERE

Again, I had a dream, and our little one was there. You held him with love and your eyes were teary as you thank the Lord for the blessing He has given us. You said, “Hey buddy, it’s daddy.” You gave him to me and I carried him. As I look into our little one’s eyes, I saw the same spark I saw during the night I fell in love with you—I instantly fell in love with our little one too. Yes, he reminded me of you. As I sat down and carried him, you wrapped us with a warm embrace. And then you whispered into my ears saying, “Thank you for taking all the pain, hunny.” Then there, our little one smiled. Our hearts just melted. Today, I woke up looking for our little one. I even wanted to prepare milk for him. But then I realized that it was just a dream, and our little one was there.

[cangelicaaa]

I HAD A DREAM

I woke up with both of my hands on my belly and I wondered why. I had a dream, and you were there. It felt like a recorded home video of precious memories we would keep. I saw myself and I wasn’t in shape. Then I realized that I was carrying an angel inside my womb. Your heart was just filled with joy when you knew we’ll have another blessing to take care of. I saw myself just singing to the greatest blessings I had—you and the angel I was carrying. I saw you talking to our angel saying, “I’ll be the best dad you’ll ever have.” That melted my heart. I believe that one day, in the right time, you’ll be a great husband to me and a great father to our children. Yes, I woke up and realized that it was all just a dream knowing that someday it will happen and I know that it will surely happen. For now, I had a dream, and you were there.

[cangelicaaa]

MY ANSWERED PRAYER

I drowned in my own tears because in my heart, a scar just kept bleeding. Yes, he left a MARK. I loved him so much but he never loved me back--unrequited love. I decided to treat that scar he left and prayed to God saying, “The next man I’ll love will be my last.” And then you came. You mended that scar, that memory I thought that will mark me forever. You are my answered prayer. Because of you, I saw my worth. I realized that he lost a diamond while he was busy collecting stones. Now, this diamond is all yours--all yours to keep, to hold, to care, and to love for the rest of your life. Others says that I’m lucky to have you, but, I rather be called blessed. You are my greatest blessing, my answered prayer.

[cangelicaaa]

WHILE I’M WAITING

I was asked by a fellow glee club member, “What will you do while waiting for him?”

FIRST, pursue God! It says in Matthew 6:33, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” If you put God first, everything will just follow. It is my desire to make God the center of everything I do and everything I have.

SECOND, make myself ready. Of course, I couldn’t make myself ready without the Lord. I’m not going to make myself ready not only spiritually, but also, emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. In my case, studies first. He’s not a distraction for me but an inspiration for me to do and be better.

THIRD, be obedient and transparent to our leaders. These leaders I am talking about are our parents, pastors and disciplers. It is very important to be guided. We all know that we tend to make decisions on our own even without thinking. That’s why, we have to consult our leaders before we make a move. These leaders we have right now are the ones who can protect us and I’m very grateful for that.

So, while I’m waiting, I’ll focus on the Lord, on myself, on my disciples, and in doing the work of the Lord. When that time comes, we’ll both be ready to take the road of eternity together as one. My journey on waiting will be rough but I know that I’ll be able to pass through it. Imagine the day that the Lord will say, “Here is the one I have created just for you.” Isn’t it amazing? Like finally, the long wait is over. Trust God, it will all be worth it.

[kbdiamondes]

Lucky Three

The FIRST made me acknowledge betrayal and pain.

The SECOND made me patient.

Lastly, the THIRD brought me back to the Lord.

[cangelicaaa]

Knowing your weaknesses is what makes you strong

[cangelicaaa]

I WILL WAIT

“Could you really wait for six long years?”—what an exaggeration. Six years is not so long for waiting for someone you truly love, especially, knowing that he was created by our Creator just for me to keep and hold for the rest of my life. Instead of growing impatient, I become more excited every single passing day. I’m so blessed because I have him, a reminder of God’s grace, I do not deserve but still He gave it. Waiting, will never be a problem for me, but a challenge that I know I could overcome. One day, that “one day” will come. I promise, I WILL WAIT.

[cangelicaaa]

YOU’RE WORTH THE WAIT

“Does he still love me? Is he thinking of me? Will he really wait for me?” —these are few of the many little questions that would enter my mind every single day. It has been five days since we settled things. Honestly, it’s very challenging, but at the same time, it’s very thrilling. Thinking about all of this makes me worry—worry about the future. But, I remembered the promise ring. Though I do not wear it, still, the value of it is just astounding. It just reminds me of his commitment, his promise, and his love for me. It eases all those little questions I have.

I will not deny that I miss holding his hand, because it just fits perfectly in mine. I miss his warm embrace that makes me feel safe. I miss the sweet little kisses he gives that gives me assurance that he really does love me. I miss listening to your voice though, you keep saying that it’s the worst, but for me, it never fails to keep me calm. In short, I miss him so much.

I told him, “I want you to pursue God before you pursue me.” And yes, that is what he is doing now. I am so delighted to see him grow spiritually, getting close with our Creator, the Author of Unfailing Love, our Almighty God, Jesus. God being the center of the both of us is just amazing. Being guided by our leaders and family is something that we’ll be grateful for. One day, he’ll come back to me being the right person, on the right time, at the right place, and undergoing the right process.

Even when my sight gets blurred, even when my knees become weak, even when lines will be drawn in our faces, even when our hair turns to grey, I will love him with all of my heart. I promise that I will wait. I pray that the Lord will make me ready when he is ready. I can already imagine us two standing in front of the Lord, exchanging vows, and looking at each others’ eyes saying, “Hun, you’re worth the wait.”

[kbdiamondes-deactivated20190419]

A Second Chance with God’s Grace

I will never forget the agonizing experience that I had 8 months ago. It felt like I no longer had the right to love again for being ashamed of what I have done. Yet, my friends never failed to pull me back up. I never hesitated to reach out my hands towards them and it was all worth it. Being surrounded by my close friends and family entitled me the wisdom of valuing life. 

Then there came a time that making new friends was needed, I did not regret. These new friends allowed me to further assess myself through their experiences and then this other friend of mine intrigued me. Let’s say, she was an angel in disguise.  Angel is the most compelling person that I have met. Yes, she has the greatest smile and cheerful as always. What’s best is that, being transparent of what she had felt towards others made her unique. There were times that she was about to give up on herself, but I was there. It felt good as she trusted me completely, listening to whatever I have to say. I am thankful.

The feeling was familiar to me but at the same, peculiar. I never knew that I wanted her and when I had her. She gave me two things, love and someone that I was not close with, God himself. My uncle’s answered prayer  was her. Through Angel, God is still slowly closing the void between our relationship and for that, I am happy that he gave me her. 

God gave me the second chance and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to become whole again. Through God and Angel’s love, it has completed me as a person. I thank him for granting us this chapter of our lives. Together, we will praise and worship you. Guide us good Lord as we fulfill the story that you have written for us. Sooner or later, I will present to her my greatest promise.