the blinding light of the screen pierced my eyes, as i struggled to find the right song. it was almost midnight and i lay twisted on my bed, praying for sleep to come. my eyes were drooping but i couldn't sleep, like natures very own personal vengeance for getting up late in the morning.
it wasn't very late either. it was bloody 7! and a girl’s gotta get her sleep!!
struggling with my conscience, i managed to conjure up a tad impractical situation, unrealistic enough to be extended into a dream. it was then, that i heard a loud knock. at least it sounded like one.
“very well, first my body doesn't want to sleep.. now my sister” i murmured as i walked to the bedroom door. I put in as much aggression as i could to open the door, but to my surprising dismay, no one was out there.
‘maybe one of her pranks..’ and i creeped back into bed.
then i saw the shadow. A tall, cat like gait, graceful enough to be a girl’s. ‘great, now you start hallucinating..or maybe this is a dream. this is a dream. Thank go I'm finally asleep.’ and with that wonderful thought i lay in bed, waiting to see where my imagination would take me. slowly, the window door slid open and walked in this dark shadow, glimmering of the edges; which at that point had assumed was the light from the back road. i lay still, my body slowly realising that something was wrong, my heartbeat picking up the pace. yet my mind chided the innocent ignorance of my body. ‘its just a dream, what are getting worked up over?’ i tried controlling my breath as the shadowed figure approached me; its brightness ever increasing. despite the normal expectation that the light would hinder my sight, it helped me see clearer. i could faintly make out the jaw line, sharp as a knife and the tiny forehead, overshadowed by a thick mass a black waves falling on either sides of a long face. the light shone across the room, making everything gleam in an eerie sort of way. i looked back at the face and caught my breath. her lips were full and pink, her eyes black as coal, but deep enough to make you wonder if they were the doors to the universe. her lashes were thick and black, strong enough to break hearts. and her smile, bright enough to melt a city of hearts. i gasped again, feeling that the face was too familiar; yet strange.
‘i know who she is! who is she?’ my mind raced through all the faces it had known, rummaging through faces of girls and boys alike. her aura seemed like home, it was almost like….. mine.
now wait. here’s where everything would typically go to shit. i would realise that she’s my alter ego from a parallel universe. and how self-obsessed i must be to have such a gratifying description of myself. but let me assure you; nothing in my life is predictable. especially not the fun parts; but who said anything about fun?
i staggered to the head of my bed, wanting for my brain to realise that this was way beyond its capability to handle. these sort of dreams were limited to “those nights”. but i wouldn't wake up. so i screamed. surely, a truly physical act of fear or any intense emotion is bound to jerk the mind back into reality. so did mine. and once again, i had only believed so.
i woke up panting, hands on my head, clutching at my hair. i was too afraid to get up and wash my face, what if i were to see my face, what if it had changed for real.
‘stop that stupid bullshit. faces don't change over dreams. you'll be fine.’ and with that lovely thought i went to wash my face. my hands stumbled across the switches that i had known for 4 years.
i finally fumbled on the right switch and the light blared right into my eyes. my face was almost white as paper (its usually yellow at night) and my lips bleeding from probably when i bit myself from screaming at the top of my lungs. my hair fell straight across my face, and my face looked like it always had. except more frightened and pale. like i said.
My mind hit lout-gear and i started backing out. as if standing in front of the mirror was hurting my heart. my lungs heart and my head pounded. maybe i saw something i shouldn't have.
“i know i should've slept early!” i tried to sound angry but the voice was a bare creak.
scared, i rushed to my bed, the bathroom lights still on. and chanted my way to whatever sleep my brain could conjure.
In my dreams, the “real” subconscious ones, i had expected them to be as horrifying as what i had seen earlier. but they were just flashes of faces and voices. Some i barely recognised, the others were heartbreakingly beautiful. they whispered in a hurry, as if their talk could fix something broke. i tried to listen harder - to see if they could mend something broken of mine (me). with every inch that i closed onto their voices, the staggering pain in my chest returned. almost as if, the voices were protecting themselves. but the harmony and beauty of the voices struck me harder with each hushed word and i sunk deeper into the craving.
and i woke. light barely poured through the small opening in the curtain and my brain, almost (just almost) back to normal functioning, started to prepare itself for the day ahead. my to-do list was on its way to completion. i was on my feet and just about to tie my hair, when i recalled the night. the pounding in my brain grew and fell back on my bed.
‘no, it was just a dream. it couldn't have happened otherwise.’
i sucked in a few breaths and gathers whatever courage i had left. i had to make it through this one more day. could be the last. just get through it.
and with that happy thought i began my day.