I used to be cool

The part of me shall now be played by me. This can only be done here on Tumblr. When you're a Jewish single mom, a pilates instructor and a recovering cocaine addict, secrets need to be kept. But not here. On this platform I can recount the tales of my life without fear of, well, anything really. Thank you for letting me share.

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She loves it when I blowdry my hair. Loves.

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Today I sent a voice note asking my bestie if she had time to chat quick and then put the phone to my ear. And no, I'm not high. Jesus

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Can I have a tattoo of Margaret Thatcher please? Was that the artist's brief?

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My 11 year old son told me he's old enough to shower. I can't wait till he's old enough to drive. It's gonna be epic.

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We couldn't evacuate ourselves out of a paper fucking bag!

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6 seconds of my dad's floor. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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Apparently hanging out in your gym clothes, playing with your phone, never gets old 🙄

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Does everyone get dressed for a flight, making sure they look decent, just in case the plane goes down? Or is it just me?

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Ok. It's going to be one of those days 😬

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My son told me how funny it is to think that when he was little, he thought that the length of time dictated how many babies you had. Like, 2 minutes = 1 baby. When he was little. He's 11.

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Today I learnt that when you get really angry at the absolute cunt that is the father of your children, you can actually create a neck spasm. That's not what I learnt though. What I learnt is that it's damn near impossible to tilt your head back and laugh once you've attained this level of anger. The neck just doesn't bend anymore.

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I've lost my S pen. I feel so lost. I wish I was joking.

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My mother posted this on our family group today. She clearly has no clue that 2 out of her 3 kids spend a fair amount of time with straws in their noses.

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Had my earrings in my hand with a handful of meds. This day, very nearly, went sideways

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I came to post and have been Tumbling on Tumblr to avoid step work. For 43 minutes. Fucking addict 😑

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So, apparently, saying 'can I go now?' to your boyfriend 6 minutes into a call, doesn't go down well. At all.

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So I know my parents sent this to me to show how badly behaved my beagle is, but...but...can we just have a discussion on how we use dustbins as TV decorations and emptied by my dad brandy bottles, as a candle sticks? I don't need to point out obvious things like we're slobs and we're not wearing teeth today.