Forgetting Everyday

[cantremembercenter]

5jul19

Things to know about me. Things you should know. I like Barbeque. In fact I LOVE barbecue. I like meats, that have been barbecued. I like the sides that go with a barbecue. For the most part, I don't like barbecue sauce. There are a handful of barbecue sauces that I tolerate, but I don't really LIKE any of them. And I am even less inclined to like them on actual barbecue. If your barbecue was any good it wouldn't need sauce slathered on it. It's like putting steak sauce on a steak. It's just wrong. Of all the meats you can barbecue I like barbecue chicken the LEAST. Anything that claims to be bbq chicken that I eat is the exception and not the rule and should not be used as a predictor of future food tastes. I like the California pizza kitchen bbq chicken pizza. Mostly because it doesn't taste like bbq chicken. But that is an exception. I HATE artificial bbq. Bbq chips, bbq flavored anything. They all taste like a worse version of bbq sauce, which I don't like to begin with, and not actual bbq. This ring made today hits on all the wrong things about bbq for me. Inauthentic not actually bbqed meat, the fact that it was chicken as opposed to beef or pork, the fact that it ALL of its "bbq" flavor came from a sauce. And the it was wrapped in that pre canned dough that every time we have tried to use in a recipe I have not liked it. It was like an ouroboros of food hell eating it's own tail in front of my face. I LOVE barbecue. If you ever want to make something barbecue for me, buy a barbecue and barbecue some meat. Never make me a barbecue "FLAVORED" anything again. Please.

- text from spouse

[cantremembercenter]

20feb19

The good-

Paid bills and eldest child's surgery cost today

The exciting-

For the first time, I'm going to take the kids to the spa and get some services done with them

The bad-

Overwhelming dread and despair are overtaking my emotions due to the fact my spouse is about to be out of a job if we don't have some sort of miraculous event happen.

[cantremembercenter]

11nov18

It's flauta freddy day. 11-11 (because the 1s look like flautas)

Flauta freddy covers himself in guacamole and slides under your door, much like santa comes down the chimney.

He leaves a box of flautas on top of a radiator, and much like santa, if you don't have a radiator (chimney) it's ok because magic.

Then slides back out under the door. This process usually leaves a mess because if the guacamole, thanks to his lovely donkey Burrito (little burro/ass), it's name is sour cream everything is licked clean before leaving.

Traditional mexican music and the magic flute (flauta means flute) are appropriate forms of education.

Happy flauta freddy day.

[cantremembercenter]

29oct18

Spoke to spouse about difficulty answering questions when question requests solution to problem, how I skip the answer and immediately move to find a solution.

Results in spouse's frustration in lack of response. My frustration rises because "I don't have a good answer, I'm working on it, just let me find a solution and get back to you." Is like a keyboard shortcut in my brain. It's the right answer to what im thinking. Speaking this takes too long, distracts too much from the physical aspect of what im doing, and I skip speaking. It's like I justify it with - you asked a question, I won't bore you with details, i'll just fix the problem. This doesn't help the fact that I wasn't told to find a solution, I was asked a question, I just skip a lot of stuff in that I view as in between the problem and solution. The solution to me is not 'answer the question'.

To me, the conversation could go as follows: question was asked, (response could be given- request for suggestions of solution to problem alluded to in first question- suggestions given- solutions discussed) solution decided upon but may change in a moment without notice, possibly find other solutions, solve problems.

We talk about how im tired all the time, how I don't get enough sleep. Spouse counters with - you run on 4-6 hours a night. When you can, you'll sleep 10-12 hours. It's the irregularity of the sleep cycle.

We go into a talk about frustrations, experiencing temper tantrums, how I remember the last full body tantrum I had was when I was about 11. How I have the urge to throw one regularly, tamp it down, and usually vent by screaming expletives while alone in the car.

Spouse thinks I'm on the spectrum.

[cantremembercenter]

2sep18

I live near a very large theme park. They have fireworks displays that shake my whole house. It is so loud, i can feel the sound in my body, while in bed.

They had one for 2 months and it's starting again.

I just want to sleep. I get up to early to listen to this.

[cantremembercenter]

Texting my sibling

[cantremembercenter]

A conversation between my boss and myself. I asked if she wanted a giggle and she said yes.

[cantremembercenter]

30aug18

I admitted to my 15 year old how i creatively voluntarily made myself dumber by cheating in chemistry.

My 15 year old went wide eyed and exclaimed, "you're so cool!"

I tried explaining how intelligence was cooler. Apparently I'm unable to convince of that fact.

[mainmanblackdynamite-deactivate]

Does the fact that I can’t remember every sexual partner I have been with name mean that I’m getting older or that I’m a hoe?

[itsexclusive]

[mainmanblackdynamite-deactivate]

[dulaut-deactivated20210910]

I mean you’re a man so this is generally and socially acceptable for you. Better make use of that man privilege nigga.

[mainmanblackdynamite-deactivate]

What privilege? I get slut shamed all the time one woman said I been rode more than the pony at the at the children’s Zoo 😩😩😩😩

[dulaut-deactivated20210910]

Boy please lmao niggas translate that to “he gets hella pussy”. Tumblr is devoid from reality like we all know the Truth™ but some people act like it ain’t it when it is. You big pimpin 🤷🏽‍♀️

[mainmanblackdynamite-deactivate]

Listen I’m just trying to find me a good woman to settle down with but all they want me for is sex and anime jokes 😪😪😪

[cantremembercenter]

I can't truly give any advice. I lost count of sexual partners by the time I was 20. Ended up marrying the person who kept siting next to me at work, at age 23. We've been happily together 11 years.

Find someone you can be yourself around, someone who is patient, yet opinionated- you'll have someone to talk to, voice ideas off of. Also, find a person who's intelligence score is similar to yours. Find a friend- who you don't get bored by and like having sex with.

[vincentvanleggo-deactivated2018]

You ever see someone ugly with multiple kids and be like why would someone nut in you multiple times ?

[cantremembercenter]

Speaking as an ugly person with multiple kids-

Ugly people work really hard for it.

Also, there is an issue with a tilted pelvis that makes everything feel very tight.

[cantremembercenter]

8aug18

Oddly feeling depressed.

Strange form of depression. I smile and talk and work and do some of the things I enjoy.

My neck is sore on one side.

Have overwhelming urges- cry, and scream the word "fuck" until my voice is hoarse.

I have not acted on those urges.

It doesn't feel like my usual depression.

[cantremembercenter]

26jul18

Got off work early

Kiddo is making beans and enchiladas for dinner

Spouse has hearing tonight.

I want to offer only love and support, but am afraid.

[cantremembercenter]

19jul18

I screamed out loud because i saw a clip of a scary movie. I was then mocked by my spouse and child for reacting to a clip without sound so forcefully.

[cantremembercenter]

[cantremembercenter]

16jun18

I'm exhausted. Going back to work after vacation.

Spent the first part of the week out of state, visiting my parents.

The middle of my week spent with my sibling and their family. I love my younger sibling so much. They are a joy to be around.

After work I'm going to make a vegetarian pasta dish. Then a potato salad for tomorrow's barbecue.

Working one shift this week won't be terrible.

[cantremembercenter]

10jun18

Visiting parents for a few days.

Out of state.

Brought offspring.

Offspring staying in this state and I'm going home in two days.

[cantremembercenter]

This man is cute when he dips the cake. Look at his face. My spouse gets that look when talking about dinosaurs. Any man of any age can show this level of excitement on something he is passionate about. The trick is finding that something.