โจWelcoming the Eclipseโจ
Trauma often suppresses memory; the good, bad & in between as well as suppresses intuition. As of the last few years Iโd say my memory is pretty sharp with retaining things (most part) I try to excersize that in myself cause I feel as though I lack a lot from my past & I donโt want that to take hold again. Sometimes I feel crazy cuz of how my brain stores memories yet discards others. I always need something to be triggered & then it all comes flooding back as for others itโs literally all black-a void or I have some that are clear as day. There are many things I lack in memory from youth & adolscence due to trauma, fear, denial, depression & so on-that Iโm shaking lose once again. Last year I surfaced/healed a lot of wounded masculine energy & this year is aimed towards feminine; among other healings.
Dreams have always spoke to me. My dream I had this week had me reflect on the years I made strong lead way with all that I am, but also showed me how the course became all that it had; the wrong choices/lessons,etc-leading me to now. I literally conversed with my past self & was learning from her. She gave me her perspective. She even sang to me. I awoke & everything was clear. She unearthed a lot, but Iโll touch base on this one general theme for now. The others she told me to keep to myself for the time being, but it was the realization I needed.
My old self wants me to reconnect to my past versions to see what I overlooked & pushed aside along the years. She wants me to be bold again. Fearless as I once was. She wants me to be seen-take up my space-to help others along the way-to be a voice that carries-to use all my arms of versatility-to use my real birth name as Whisper-Mikiah not just Whisper-to stop fearing that Iโm too much/too out there-to be open/vulnerable & share my journey to yโall. I have always held depth to all that I am & others intimation by it is not my responsibility to bare. I am only in control of myself; how I feel, my perspective, my intention & what I want to pursue, etc.
Iโve shortened so much of myself to fit into boxes to the point that I even disregarded my first name over it. I subconsciously shortened my name to Whisper to please others & their comfortability which forfeit my birth identity. So many times I felt guilty correcting people when I shouldโve spoke my truth & taught others itโs place. I wonโt lie & say that I do not love Whisper on its own (I DO) for it holds its OWN power; as well as many versions of myself, but itโs time to step into my other half to learn more about her & the parts I ignored. The elephant spirit and owl have made their presence known once again. I thank the deer for guiding me the last few months & theyโll forever remain in my heart with my other spirits.
I believe Iโm pretty comfortable in my skin, but always have room for more growth. I have no shame in my enigmatic/eccentric-chameleon like qualities. I love every version of me even if others donโt find the purpose in being multifaceted. I stand grounded in every version of my truth. I have talked about embracing multitudes more than once, but itโs something that rings strong for me. As the dog spirit showed itself during the last new moon- I will continue to remain loyal to what I love no matter the transformations/changes along the way or how itโs viewed. Everything is energy & is meant to evolve, but love always remains-no matter itโs form. That deep rooted divine love I have for myself is endless; as are all my passions, talents, etc. My loyalty to it all will always remain๐งฟ๐๐ฑ
I PERSONALLY believe narrowing ourselves down to one thing restricts us. In a way it forces us into a box that we choose or were conditioned to believe is right. We fear complexity & universe connectivity, yet secretly crave/attract it at the same time. Labeling ourselves only minimizes all that we are & denies parts of ourselves. We donโt have to be one thing to be unique. We all are in our own way. When I find myself labeling who I am I get overwhelmed cause my list is too long. I hold too many qualities, passions, talents, interests, etc. Iโm in constant flux; forever evolving. I canโt be defined by one thing. Just as a wolf changes her coat-her disposition remains or how a chameleon changes its color but still knows its identity; this is me.
Itโs the aesthetic for everything via social media now too. Big accounts have a specific theme or color tone, etc, which honestly I do enjoying looking at & itโs soothing๐ I am not hating but using as example( I have separate IG accounts for this reason meanwhile this one is everything thrown into one lol) But my point is I feel like often we do it to be noticed vs actually being true to ourself (not always case but most)Like why canโt I be fishing on Monday, twerking Tuesday, yoga Wednesday, basketball Thursday, gardening Friday, city girl Saturday & country girl Sunday?? Why does it have to be all rustic white country themed for an audience?
We fear complexity & universe connectivity, yet secretly crave/attract it at the same time. Labeling ourselves only minimizes all that we are & denies parts of ourselves. We donโt have to be one thing to be unique. We donโt have to force ourselves to separate from others to claim our individuality. We all are in our own way. When I find myself labeling who I am I get overwhelmed cause my list is too long. I hold too many qualities, passions, talents, interests, etc. Iโm in constant flux; forever evolving. I canโt be defined by one thing. Just as a wolf changes her coat-her disposition remains or how a chameleon changes its color but still knows its identity; this is me.
Iโve always like to be someone to challenge the status quo & be imperfectly perfect with my walk. I embrace all around. Y egnimitx qwld. I take along every part of me for this Earth journey.
The way I like to think of it is how we are all like salads & our birth name is our one true label (Esp in numerology aspect) Say my salad bowl is everything about my favorite colors, artists, books, sports, animals, styles, interests, experiences, abilities, hobbies, etc, all tossed into one... The world may call me a Greek Salad but my bowl is more complex than the term โGreek salad.โ I hold many flavors, colors, textures & expirations that defer from one another. I see the same for everyone. Our whole life we are tossing or removing things from our bowl & none of it makes us any less than who we are at the core. Being authentic is being true to yourself no matter how much you grow/change, pick up/remove along the way. Youโre allowed to be a fairy by day and a wolf by night.
I have lived and breathe creativity for as long as I can remember. Iโm a walking canvas of my souls expression & it wonโt ever change as long as I hold onto my roots. However, Iโm not as bold I realize or at least in the ways I need to be. I see that now from my past self. I had a childhood dream to make an impact & use my voice, but I dimmed myself subconsciously out of fear of others emotional reactivity. Yet, there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so others wonโt feel insecure around me. We are made to believe there isnโt enough sun for everyone, but there is. We all hold light within & so much potential beckons to be heard & released into the world-embraced for all that it is.
My light was dimmed because it made those closest to me uncomfortable. My perception became biased. They canโt hold the entire blame-for it was ME who allowed it. I needed the forgiveness from myself the most for I am the one who denied me. Unbecoming everything we arenโt-especially others limitations/separating our thoughts from others is wild. I literally watered myself down in the years I was uncovering the most. I set myself back so much, but the comeback will be bigger.
My dream made me realize the difference of my confidence then & now. My confidence shines in some areas, but hides in others; I was shown that. She wants me to implicate bold qualities back into my self-to pull in all that fire energy from my Sag placements; utilize them/those parts of me vs fearing their strength. Subconsciously dimming myself to make others comfortable was never who I was, but slowly became to be; due to my inner wounds & those I chose to be around; now itโs rediscovering the foundation. Finding a true tribe & having bonds with those who see me as someone separate of themselves & unclouded by their own wounds-is something in itself. I am grateful for those in the life who hold space for me to be all that I am & meant to be as well as hold only good intentions for me๐๐บ๐ฑ๐งฟ
Today I am reminded of why I STILL want my elephant tattoo with this quote โRemember who you areโ Elephants are wise & never forget๐๐งฟ๐ธ๐ฑ
I use to find myself to be a wordsmith for my love of words & capability to retain ones that others donโt know. I implemented so many versions of the same meaning into my vocabulary & reflecting on that-everything hit me. No matter how the word ignorant is seen (benighted, unworldly, etc) they are all the same underneath. We choose the filters
