CaptainoftheUSSThagomizer

The stuff I don't share on normal social media: so far, fan art, quotes that I've been collecting, (mostly from podcasts) and reblogs I want to share

[captainoftheussthagomizer]

Ed: But alas! You didn’t make the cut and were thus used, abused, and discarded. Like an old dildo.

Jon: Yeah, dildo my ass.

(Ed laughs uproariously)

Jon: I- ughhh. (Jon joins in laughing)

Ed: Ooooh Jonny didn’t think that one through!

Jon: Yeah shut up.

-Rogues! The Podcast S6E16

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Jon: Yeah that begs another question-

Ed: (Scoffs) Beg for your life then!

Jon: Well, since you see sex as some kind of spectacle, then there’s gotta be people you’ve uhh… mmh! what’s the word? Rehearsed on.

‘What the hell are you getting at?

‘Just assumed you were gay.

‘(Theatrically) Well, you’re certainly not the first and, I fear you shan’t be the last!’

‘Huh!’

‘That’s twice now you’ve been wrong! Your assumptions are really going ass up!’

‘Shut up. So you’re not gay?’

‘No.’

‘Straight?’

‘Nooo.’

‘Well fine, bi then.’

‘(Mock gasp) And the three legged mule crosses the line! Somebody shoot the poor devil.’

‘For Christ’s sake. Ya couldn’t’ve just given it to me straight?’

‘(Laughs) Not possible I’m afraid!’

(Groans)”

-Jonathan Crane and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E16

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“‘But how’d ya even do it, though?’

‘(Laughing) How again? Oh, very well. When a man and a woman share a mutual disgust for one decrepit old fool, and a mutual admiration for one devastatingly charming genius-‘

‘The courtin’, Ed! I ain’t stupid.’

‘(Laughs) Well! If you say so. But with that gentlemen’s lilt of yours I would think you’d need no instruction on the ways of courtship.’

‘Ehhh kind of you to say but uh… we’re talking ‘bout you.’

‘And what, pray tell, is so wrong with my voice?’

‘You sound like a game show host.’

‘Is that an insult?’

‘You know it is.’

‘Well then! I award you no points, and fuck you, very much!’”

-Jonathan Crane and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E16

[captainoftheussthagomizer]

“I don’t need to expend any more brain cells on the many ways I could get away with your murder… I can wait for you to die… Take all the time you need! Suffer, as you go.”

-Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E14

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‘You’re my son! From the cradle to the grave.’

‘Hah! For my sins.’

‘No. For mine. You’re my shame, and my cross to bear.’

‘(In a lethally quiet voice) Were I the lunatic you believe I am I would slash your throat open just on principle. You claim the rights of being my father and yet you deny my existence to anyone who asks. You have an over inflated sense of your own importance and, believe me, the irony is not lost on me! Now-‘

‘Eddie I-‘

‘(With a snarl) I wasn’t finished, (Jackie grunts as Ed forces a hand over his mouth) Jack. And I do so hate to be interrupted. You know another good thing about these, queer gloves? I can shut you up without wanting to retch. Now you listen to me, or I’ll gouge out an eye. Are you listening?’

‘(Muffled) Mm-mm.’

‘Good. You provided the genetic material necessary to creat me, but you get NO CREDIT for making me the man I am today. If I were in ANYWAY influenced by your parenting skills, I’d be sucking DICK on a street corner BEGGING EVERY MAN WHO SMACKS MY FACE TO CALL HIM DADDY! EVERYTHING I AM IS DOWN TO ME.’

-Jackie Nashton and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E14

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‘Ehhh same old friggin’ queer. Playing your games. Fuck’s wrong with you?!’

‘Mm! Right now? Not a damn thing! I haven’t felt this way in a long time! Well- not without a domino mask at any rate. (Chuckles) Looks like you still bring out the best in me Pop.’

‘What ya yapping about this time?’

‘I’m saying, the last time I felt this good? I shot two people in the head.’

‘I- …… what?’

‘Oh! Oops! (Laughs) I never admitted that out loud before ooh! You never know who might be listening, you see.’”

-Jackie Nashton and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E14

[captainoftheussthagomizer]

‘And what makes you better than me, huh? I know what you are.’

‘Oooh, regale me with your home truths.’

‘You’re a liar, a thief, and a cheat!’

‘Ohhh this again.’

‘We seen ya on the TV, ya know. People ask, is that your boy up there? Your mother and me? We say no. Our boy’s dead. That mincing faggot, ain’t our boy!’

(Ed laughs)

‘Stop- laughing, at me!’

‘Oh! That’s still the worst one you’ve got isn’t it? That’s still the worst thing you can imagine being called I mean for fuck’s sake Pop- it’s just a word.’

‘It’s a sin is what it is, boy. Disgusting!’

(Ed laughs) ‘Well, vanity is my official sin, but then, (clears throat) nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.’

-Jackie Nashton and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E14

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“‘Ya know, if it had been a movie, you’d of actually screwed that nurse. Just to really, stick it to the old man.’

(Smugly) ‘Who says I didn’t?’

‘… Come again?’

‘I’m good thanks.’”

-Jonathan Crane and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E16

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(Bathroom door opens)

‘Ed?’

(Ed lightly snoring)

‘Edward….. hm. All right… M’gonna tell you something that might surprise you. I don’t give a shit about sharing a bed- I really don’t. You wear pajamas and a sleeping mask for fucks sake. My sleeping in the tub wasn’t about you. Then, (deep breath) everything is about you ain’t it? It’s one of your problems. And you listen better when you’re asleep. That’s another problem. But anyway I… I didn’t think I had a change of clothes.

I figured a shower was pointless when I had to put the same stuff back on. Never figured you’d bring me some. Never figure you’d offer to share, neither. A bed, your stuff… just never figured.

You’ve always been a selfish, smug little jackass. Why should I expect this time to be any different? But it sounds like Waylon got the same treatment I’m getting now. So I drew a conclusion from that. This ain’t some elaborate trick, this is you, when you actually give a damn.

Never saw it before cause, well, (chuckles) usually you don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself. I bet you could count those people on a blind blacksmith’s hand. But then, uhh… I can’t claim much different.

So uhhh… yeah, this wasn’t about you… it was about me. So I wouldn’t have to listen to you complaining about how I stink all fucking night keeping me awake. I do wanna sleep sometime… ya jackass.’

(The bathroom door closes)

(Ed chuckles)

(With a smile in his voice) ‘Moron.’

-Jonathan Crane and Edward Nygma, Rogues! The Podcast, S6E11

[captainoftheussthagomizer]

“So the plan wasn’t a clusterfuck it was just circling the clusterfuck target zone getting ready to come in for a landing.”

-Murderbot, Exit Strategy (book 4) by Martha Wells, narrated by Kevin R. Free

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“‘Just- remember you’re not alone here.’

I never know what to say to that. I am, actually, alone in my head and that’s where 90+% of my problems are.”

-Overse and Murderbot, Network Effect (book 5) by Martha Wells, narrated by Kevin R. Free

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“It takes time, as all difficult and important things do, for the world to recover from what was done to it that day. But it does recover, and not just that, it thrives.”

-Griffin McElroy, The Adventure Zone, Balance Arc, E68

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Lup: The five of you are about to go save the world, and- we need to make sure there’s still a world for you to come back to, ok?

Magnus: Do you need any help?

Griffin: She- uh- she looks at Barry and uh- you can kinda see like a - a smile inside of her spectral form, and Barry says,

Barry: Nah, I think we got this handled.

Taako: Am I…… I’m not gonna loose you again.

Griffin: She says,

Lup: Never. Never again bud.

-The Adventure Zone, the Balance Arc, E68

[rcntlydcccased]

old man <3

[captainoftheussthagomizer]

“Haha. ‘Vandalism expresses our corporate loyalty.’ Right. Well, the joke is on you Barish-Estranza employee because not long after you did that, you got killed and/or mind controlled by alien remnant raiders. I know, it’s a logo, but I hate it when humans and augmented humans ruin things for no reason. Maybe because I was a thing before I was a person, and if I’m not careful I could be a thing again.”

-Murderbot, Network Effect (Book 5 of The Murderbot Diaries) by Martha Wells, narrated by Kevin R. Free

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“‘Tell her you care about her. Use those words. Don’t tell her you’ll eviscerate anything that tries to hurt her.’

‘ART fuck off.’ The thing ART has in common with human adolescents is that it doesn’t like to hear the word ‘no’ either.”

-ART and Murderbot, Network Effect (Book 5 of the Murderbot Diaries) by Martha Wells, narrated by Kevin R. Free

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”It guided me to one of the empty vending booths which was completely enclosed. Telling it to shut the privacy door was such a relief, my performance reliability went up half a point.”

-Murderbot, Exit Strategy (Book 4 of The Murderbot Diaries) by Martha Wells, narrated by Kevin R. Free