Mature
I’m listening to a japanese song right now. Not my favourite song but it still nice to hear it again after a long time listening to japanese songs. It brought me back to the year of 2014 where everything happened.
It was my first time in a boarding school. New people, new environment and new crush (?). Not long after I came, I was rumored to be with a guy “A” and students teased us everyday. I told them it was not true. I just wanted him to teach me chemistry and he did it willingly. We were the center of attention when he taught me. I tried to concentrate on the subject but their stared scared me a bit. I was been forced to talk in front of everyone in the hall and I could sense that they were trying to bully me. On my way to the stage, people kept on calling out the guy’s name. The rumors kept on going for months until one day, someone sent me a regards.
I had no idea who he was and he called himself as “M”. I just knew who he was when my friend pointed at him in the class. I nodded and had no interest on him at all because I like someone else. How stupid I was liking a bad guy. I was going to talk about him later. After sending regards for three days, “M” asked his friends to go to his classroom. I didn’t want to go to his class. It would be awkward so I asked his friend to make him to go to my class instead. I was so nervous at that time but I didn’t know he was so friendly. From time to time, I was getting more comfortable.
The moment didn’t last when this guy’s friend who I liked came to me asking me questions. “Do you like ‘R’?” I didn’t answer at first but the friend suddenly said this “R like you too.” I didn’t do any reaction but my heart skip a beat by that confession. I was too innocent to know that he lied to me and I stupidly, answered “Yes, I like him too.” I sad bluntly. The friend’s eyes widened by my statement and nodded. understand. “Don’t worry, II’ll not tell him.”He slightly smiled and got up from the seat after that.
It was time to go back at that time and of course, I passed by “R”s classroom. He laughed hysterically when I passed by. I was confused by his sudden laughter. I realized that the friend was beside him before he laughed and whispered something to him. I felt betrayed. I had the urged to cry but I hold it and why did I needed to cry because of my stupid action. The news of me liking him spread to the entire boy’s dorm especially the same form as us. I was getting ready to be teased again and yes, the boys teased me. every fuckin days. I prayed that I would never see that R again but how unfortunate am I... He was in the same class as me the next year
It was 2015 and I was put in the last class. Yes, I was stupid of course. That R was the same group as me almost in every subject. W to the H to the Y (?!) I dreamt to be the first in class but nope I failed the entire year and I got the worst result for my national exam. 2A’s 4B’s 3C’s that was horrible. My parents were shocked by my result because I never got this jaw dropping result in my entire existence. I was confused, angry, upset, regret and everything mixed inside of me at that time.
Now I’m in front of laptop trying to let it all out. the past of mine that I wanted to erase for my whole life. I’m determined to pay back the time I wasted and be in top again for my college after this. I entered college on the 7th of june and will be having orientation for a week. 13 of June will be the starting of my first class. I aim high for this college and entered the best university with a scholarship if I do good in college. I may miss BTS anniversary but my life is more important. I love BTS and I always do but this is for my own future. I want to have a great job so that I can go to their with pride. Maybe one day I can go to their fan meeting and tell them that I have a great job and I’m going there to show them that their fan is doing for her life. I want BTS to be proud of me and I want to be proud of myself for once.
If you read this. I’m so thankful. Sorry for my bad grammar. English is not my first language btw.
