star trek characters that best embody the essence of “hold my beer”
TOS: Yes, Kirk and Spock Did Some Things. But I would like to direct your attention over to McCoy “that’s where my carotid artery is, Bitch” and Swordsman Sulu.
TNG: Guinan stabbed Q. With a fork. Okay. Look. She won hands down. Honorary mention to Q himself, Saucer Separation, Worf, those spiky planet eater thingies, and whatever malevolent force convinces Riker that he has a chance with Deanna.
DS9: Sisko. Ben built a spaceship just to prove a point. Iconic. Amazing tactician. Got non-corporeal beings addicted to baseball. Fought a Vulcan in a bar brawl. Punched Q in the face. Decided to be Star Trek’s first good father. Tells random Starfleet Officers to try the shrimp creole.
Honorable mention to Kira “imma fire all five of our photon torpedoes as warning shots” Nerys and Quark, House of Shenanigans.
VOY: Every single member of the cast, except for Neelix. Janeway intimidates fear itself. Seven of Nine would rather die than sing a fucking song. Harry Kim is responsible for 70% of the tech McGuffins/Deux Ex Machinas. B’Elanna Torres fought a Vulcan during his Pon Farr and wins. Kes is basically a goddess and also ate dirt that one time. Chakotay solves his problems with sucker punches and builds Janeway a bathtub. Tuvok has only admitted he was wrong, once, in three hundred years, to his close friend Janeway, and only after one (just one) of his many hold my beers backfired. Even the effing EMH is apparently capable of ripping off better TOS and DS9 command maneuvers. Tom Paris developed the ultimate scalie fetish toy.
ENT: It’s Shran. We all fucking know it’s Shran and his angry blue antennae. But let’s call an honorary mention to Jonathan “Turtle Soup” Archer, Porthos (for pissing on an alien dignitary tree), and Malcolm Reed (who is apparently always ready for the sweet embrace of death).
DSC: Michael Burnham. Ate dark matter. Poked a Klingon in the eye. Planned her dramatic jump to align with the transporter. Stabbed a man and let his body fall out the opening turbolift door. Lectured Sarek, that annoying little [redacted]. A true hero to us all.
AOS: Uhura. Did you see the scene with the Klingons? I know we want to pretend Into Darkness was a particularly unpleasant fever dream, but this moment was canon.
Honorary mention to AOS Kirk “I’mma graduate from the academy in twenty minutes” and AOS Spock’s last minute volcano/transporter escape.
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