KIROKAZE
titsay
Origami Around
Peter Solarz
Game of Thrones Daily
d e v o n
oozey mess
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
art blog(derogatory)
trying on a metaphor
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Claire Keane
ellievsbear
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
AnasAbdin
NASA
Discoholic 🪩
h
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i don't do bad sauce passes
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@toreen-m
but mom how will other people know that you, a white Texan, are a Christian
Jesus
I bet those two are couple now..
me too
This is such a great story
update from Houston pride 2019! we’re friends
Some fool: Avengers Infinity War was the most ambitious crossover event in history!
Tumblr users indiedrone and fullblownpanic: oh really? Watch this
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
I'm not a prayin' man, but the night I found out my at-the-time-fiancé had been sending sex horny nasty horny sex asks to my friend on THIS VERY WEBSITE, I sat in the car in the parking lot of an abandoned church and watched a family of deer play in the snow, and it didn't quite feel like a sign because that part of Pennsylvania was mostly deer and abandoned buildings and snow, but it felt nice, and once the tears stopped, I looked down at my phone and my other friend had sent me a text that said, "HE'S TRYING TO CHEAT ON YOU ON THE ONE DIRECTION IMAGINES WEBSITE?" and I realized that life is all about your curated experience. A real choose-your-own-adventure deal. I have never seen someone post about One Direction on here in my life.
Phantom Comic Ch.8
Page 2<--> Page 4
Begining
Masterpost
Phantom Comic Ch.8
Page 1<--> Page 3
Begining
Masterpost
Phantom comic Sidestory
Keep the Blue side Up
Page 10 <- end of Sidestory
Masterpost
This story came to life thanks to @shadows-demon Thank you
and this is why baseball is the best sport (see also: these baseball sidequests)
how could you post all this and not include that Matt Hilton (bee guy) got a baseball card out of this event
A crossover of Spy x Family and Batman I made by photoshopping different panels together. I hope you enjoy
u know what i fucking love. is that it's so clear that many of us have important full time jobs. yet you can see us here on tumblr throughout the work day posting about the most unhinged shit possible. like we're really out here going to a meeting then coming back to tumblr like "shane drippy big dick bouncing on that thang" before running back to another meeting like Hi Linda yes I talked to the team earlier and we're ready to send the documents over. How was your weekend
Yesterday a kid said to me "excuse me? Your hair looks like beautiful anime hair" which is already amazing and then she said "watch me on your camera when I go down the slide I'm going to do the Peter Griffin death pose when I come out" and she sure did.
Illustration of events
Hot take: there is no valid reason that official government ID should have either a sec or gender marker on it. First name, last name, dob + up to date image will suffice. Address, if relevant.
Y'all know it's crucial to paramedics, right?
Any of my followers who are paramedics/first responders/emergency room staff want to attest that no, it isn't.
What do you think happens in dire medical emergencies where an unconscious person presents and doesn't have ID on their person at the time?
I'm always confused by why people seem to think that there is some sort of Penis Emergency that will kill you if paramedics perform the Vagina Procedure on your fully clothed body.
Hospital spoilers btw: blood isn't sorted by sex, it's sorted by type. The sex of the blood donor doesn't factor in at all when receiving a transfusion, and you will not be harmed by receiving blood from a donor whose sex is different than yours. Saying this because it's another misconception that I've heard.
if you're unconscious at the hospital and they need to operate and insert a catheter in your urethra, don't worry! they'll figure out if you have a penis or a vagina without having to look at a laminated card in your wallet
And if you have ambiguous or surgically modified genitals, they'll find your urethra anyway!
I think this is one of those things where folks are so used to it that they just sort of assume there must be a good reason for it. But the only reason for your sex to be on your ID is if your legal rights differ based on your sex. Like, it would be important for your ID to say F or M if, for instance, one of those categories was allowed to open a bank account but the other one wasn't. But as far as I can tell, we have mostly decided that legal rights should pertain to everyone. Which means that sex documentation really is just a throwback to a time when women were not considered full legal persons and therefore their legal status had to be officially displayed on their ID in order to maintain that distinction.
Honestly, the only major thing I can think of that still strictly legally requires sex distinction is the military draft. Which, A) still doesn't require sex be recorded on your drivers license, B) could be made sex-neutral, or C) could be abolished instead.
VEGETA
Possible case for Vegeta defeating bugs bunny.
there's always some bullshit happening on reddit
A goblin and an elf have decided to defy tradition and get married. Their ceremony will be held in the magical forest in accordance with elven tradition.
It's a beautiful ceremony. The elven bride in her finest, flowing silks, dappled by the sun. The goblin bride in a human-sized wedding dress stolen from a goodwill.
The elven side of the aisle of course has the elvish bride's father and mother, as well as her older sisters, as well as all the forest animals who inhabit her parents' court.
The goblin side is a bunch of The Labyrinth looking freaks in their best simulacrum of what they think good folks wear to weddings. The father of the bride is wearing a really snazzy cocktail dress.
It's a mixed tradition ceremony. The elven part of the ceremony involves the young couple being presented in front of the king of the forest, a majestic unicorn, who blesses the couple by touching them with his horn.
The goblins kidnapped a local priest to bless the couple according to their tradition.
The ring the elven bride presents to her wife-to-be is brought in by a squirrel riding a doe. It's made of silver, inlaid with decorative golden leaves.
The goblin worst man accidentally swallowed the ring, which was purchased from a pawn shop.
The father of the elven bride keeps looking over to the goblin side of the aisle, barely hiding his disgust. But he is resigned to it. What matters most is his daughter's happiness.
At the end of the ceremony his face sinks as the father of the goblin bride says "Welcome to the family! You can call me brother," while vigorously shaking his hand.
The reception is, of course, held at a speakeasy according to goblin tradition. The ceiling is only five feet tall, making it very difficult for the elves.
"An elf walks into a bar,"
"Will you please stop saying that!"
During the reception the father of the goblin bride, named Frankie the Third, decides to introduce his family to his new elven family.
"These are my older sisters, Frankie the First and Frankie the Second. No relation."
"What does that mean,"
#the father of the elven bride is absolutely disgusted by the goblin's dad#right up until he's got some of that good goblin ale in him and then they're both singing old shanties together#'i am amazed you know this one! it must be far older than you - we sang it hundreds of years ago!'#'yeah i ate some old musty book full of songs once and i think that was in there'#'...okay!'#they're superbowl dad buddies afterward
You understand my vision
My favorite bit is it sounds like @thydungeongal is there and they're live tweeting the wedding.
I love the implication that goblins are incredibly well-read because they keep eating pure information 📚
You should see my uncle who once ate a stack of porno mags
He ate them for the articles.
But he spit out all the nasty prepositions and gerunds.
"The goblin worst man accidentally swallowed the ring, which was purchased from a pawn shop." Riiiiiight. It was "purchased".
This is the priest's eighth goblin wedding. (There is some contention over whether one wedding counted as it became a race to finish the vows before the groom finished giving birth and it became a christening)
He is dumped out of the burlap sack and begins "We are gathered here today..." without hesitation. Two goblin children have to be restrained from running up and climbing him because he's their favorite god-uncle. The first time he was kidnapped he was terrified and had to be prodded (literally) to say the wedding vows to the happy couple. The second time he was kidnapped, he spent the entire time protesting that this didn't count and argued with the mother-in-law about what should be said and was repeatedly cowed into submission. The third wedding he was delirious from lack of sleep and when uncle drunkenly demanded he hurry up, the priest snapped and went into "fire and brimstone" mode declaring that a sacred union of love was not to be disrespected in such a way and incorporating it into his blessing upon the union before resigning himself to death. Unfortunately for him, the goblins loved it and he immediately became the most preferred priest in the region and was dragged into the community celebrations completely against his will. He pretends to pull a ring from behind the bride's ear to make up for the missing one, and sincerely tells the couple that he knows that they will be very happy together before he crowd surfs to the exit. Wild applause erupts.
I love everything about this.
I would like to know the responsibilities of the Worst Man
The Worst Man is a coveted position at all weddings ("Man" being a translation of the goblin person, of course, can be any species or gender) because it's so much fun. It's the Worst Man's job to break all the tension.
Groom is terrified he's going to lose something? Worst Man loses it first.
Bride has some nasty relatives she wants kept out of the wedding because they object to the other bride? Worst Man plays bouncer. Meaning they bounce the offending parties clear out of the county. Occasionally out of the time zone.
Caterer is fretting about the cake? Worst Man falls into it and wrecks it.
Father-in-Law is worried about Uncle getting drunk and saying something stupid? Worst Man gets drunker and draws all the attention.
Officiant gets stage fright and can't speak? Worst Man heckles them until they get angry enough to talk. (See "third wedding" above.)
Jealous friend saying rude things about the bride? Worst Man just dumps barrels of red wine on her until she shuts up and/or leaves.
After one's spouse, determining your Worst Man is pretty much the most important choice for a wedding.
Danny, over the PA: Ding-Dong! I'm doing the morning announcements everyone! Because the usual guy is laid up in bed after a wild night with his collage friends!
Mr. Lancer: *obviously hung over* Hes lying! Hes lying and he stole my toothbrush!
Danny: Freindly safety reminder: there will be no running in the halls under any circumstances!
Valerie: *smirks a little*
Danny: -And no clotheslineing people who do, Valerie.
Valerie: Curses.
Danny: To the individual who burned "Vlad Masters Sucks Eggs" into the side of the building, the school is going to let it go this time, because they're messy like that, but please check yourself in the future!
Sam and Tucker: *glance at eachother, trying not to laugh because they know dang well Danny was the one who did that*
Danny: This is a message from the nurse to Mikey Nln specifically: Please stop sending apology cards to the nurses office, its weak, its desprate, its unattractive, and frankly, you're better than that sweety.
Mikey: *slams his head onto his desk in embarrassment*
Danny: And this is a message from the janitor to Wes Weston specifically: Please stop stuffing conspiracy theories into Daniel Fenton's locker, its really weird, he never checks it, also its weak, its desprate, unattractive, and frankly you are also better than that sweety.
Was: *banging his head on his desk repeatedly*
Danny: Next we have Tucker Foley, please report to the PA room immediately! My phone is on 10%-
Tucker: *opens his mouth to complain*
Danny: -and NO I will not get a new charger.
Tucker: This is such BS!
Danny: Finally Jasmine Fenton!
Jazz: *looks up at the speaker in confusion*
Danny: You scare the crap out of me!
Jazz: *snorts*
Danny: That is all! Have a lovely day! Please do not die or get pregnant!!
Part 13
Oooooh Damian’s in trouble
Prev / Index
Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)
scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 8 (masterpost here)
*during dinner, Alfred is putting away cooking utensils while the family eats*
Bruce: Damian, you know the rules. no ipad at the dinner table.
Damian, not looking up from his drawing: Drake is on his laptop.
Tim, one hand typing, the other scooping up pasta: that's different, i'm working a case.
Damian: if you claim that to be different then you plant the idea that my interests and hobbies are less important than slaving away for your mission and thus that my mental health should be neglected. if i have to drop this, then Drake has to drop the laptop.
Bruce:
Bruce: ...Tim,
Tim: *tightens hold on laptop*
Bruce:
Bruce, sighing: fine, whatever.
Jason, grinning next to Damian: can i see your progress, squirt?
Damian: *tilts ipad ever so slightly*
Jason: *grins manically* awesome.
Alfred: *walks by to get to the fridge, glancing over Damian's shoulder*
Alfred: *freezes, eyes catching on the drawing*
Jason: *notices Alfred* *snorts, covering his mouth*
Jason, innocently, after collecting himself: you know Alfie, Dami's actually been selling some of his drawings for extra pocket money; you should be really proud of him.
Alfred:
Alfred, dead inside, still staring at the drawing: is he now.
Jason, visibly holding back laughter: yeah he's uh- he's in high demand.
Bruce: oh, have you been selling some of your pieces to classmates or something? that's very innovative Damian, it sounds great.
Damian, slowly: yes... a few classmates.. a few other people...
Jason, smug: i've been spreading the word of his talents; gettin' him new clients.
Alfred, faint: of course you have.
Dick, excitedly leaning across the table: ooooh, that's so cool! i wanna see- let me-
Dick: *freezes, eyes widening*
Jason: *desperately covering his mouth with both hands*
Bruce: Dick, stop leaning on the table; get back in your seat.
Dick: is that Batman furry art?
Tim: *chokes on his pasta* w-hat-?
Bruce:
Bruce:
Jason: *ducks down under table to curb a wheeze*
Bruce, deadly calm: ...Damian. let me see the ipad.
Damian: *tightens grip*
Bruce: Damian.
Alfred, actively fleeing the room: i hear the phone ringing i think-
all the batkids are nepo babies not in the civilian/monetary sense but rather because as batman’s babies they are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want in gotham meanwhile any time any other member of the hero world steps out of line batman comes down on them like a steel hammer on a walnut.
batman will provide a list of rules for the JLA any time they need to work in gotham and the JL will just look between the rules and the group of kids hanging out behind batman like. hold on now.
flash: no metas?
batman: yup.
flash: who’s that then?
batman: that’s signal, he can glow and he’s lovely, now take his fucking name out your mouth.
flash: …
~
superman: and you said no guns?
batman: yeah absolutely no guns allowed.
dick: *from upstairs* dAAAAAAD I’M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK HAVE YOU SEEN MY BADGE AND GUN?
batman: *yelling back* I THINK YOU LEFT THEM IN THE OFFICE.
dick: OH YEAH, THANKS.
batman: NO PROBLEM SWEETIE HAVE A GOOD DAY AT WORK!
superman: hm.
batman: he’s different.
superman: how?
batman: i love him.
~
wonder woman: you are against taking human life, are you not?
batman: absolutely and that is non-negotiable. we are not judge jury and executioner.
wonder woman: i see. turn around.
*jason and tim two rooftops over, arguing how best to dispose of the loa assassin corpses they just took down*
batman:
batman: i dont see a problem here. those are my sweet boys.
jason, distantly heard from behind: yeah fuck you we’re his sweet boys.
wonder woman: *sighs*
~
batman: honestly the most important thing is that we serve justice and keep morality intact even when dealing with the toughest cases.
green lantern: damian has a secret prison under the titans tower where he’s been torturing their villains rather than trying to reform them.
batman: he’s so cute and small. my baby.
green lantern: bruce-
batman: get out of my city.
everyone saying ‘jAsOn wOuLdNt sWeAr aT WoNdER wOmAn’ you are not on my level. that’s his cool auntie diana. i want their relationship to be so fucking fun. when jason was first taken in by bruce and was terrified that acting anything other than perfect would get him kicked out, diana was the one that upon first meeting him gave him a high-five and said ‘fuck yeah, new robin!’. since diana is clearly jasons favourite, shes the one that takes care of him whenever batman is too busy to keep an eye on him at the watchtower. they’re close. they’re casual-close.
diana is the only one allowed to tease jason about his relationship with roy and how even partner-wise he cant stop following in dick’s footsteps. jason just grins and points out that as a thousand+ year old immortal amazon any human SHE dates would be a victim of grooming. diana puts him in a headlock and calls him a little shit THAT’S HIS FUN AUNTIE DIANA, IF HE CASUALLY SAYS ‘man fuck you’ TO HER ALL SHE’S GOING TO DO IS FLIP HIM OFF BEHIND BRUCES BACK. JASON CAN TOTALLY SWEAR AT WONDER WOMAN GET ON MY LEVEL.
