scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 8 (masterpost here)
*during dinner, Alfred is putting away cooking utensils while the family eats*
Bruce: Damian, you know the rules. no ipad at the dinner table.
Damian, not looking up from his drawing: Drake is on his laptop.
Tim, one hand typing, the other scooping up pasta: that's different, i'm working a case.
Damian: if you claim that to be different then you plant the idea that my interests and hobbies are less important than slaving away for your mission and thus that my mental health should be neglected. if i have to drop this, then Drake has to drop the laptop.
Tim: *tightens hold on laptop*
Bruce, sighing: fine, whatever.
Jason, grinning next to Damian: can i see your progress, squirt?
Damian: *tilts ipad ever so slightly*
Jason: *grins manically* awesome.
Alfred: *walks by to get to the fridge, glancing over Damian's shoulder*
Alfred: *freezes, eyes catching on the drawing*
Jason: *notices Alfred* *snorts, covering his mouth*
Jason, innocently, after collecting himself: you know Alfie, Dami's actually been selling some of his drawings for extra pocket money; you should be really proud of him.
Alfred, dead inside, still staring at the drawing: is he now.
Jason, visibly holding back laughter: yeah he's uh- he's in high demand.
Bruce: oh, have you been selling some of your pieces to classmates or something? that's very innovative Damian, it sounds great.
Damian, slowly: yes... a few classmates.. a few other people...
Jason, smug: i've been spreading the word of his talents; gettin' him new clients.
Alfred, faint: of course you have.
Dick, excitedly leaning across the table: ooooh, that's so cool! i wanna see- let me-
Dick: *freezes, eyes widening*
Jason: *desperately covering his mouth with both hands*
Bruce: Dick, stop leaning on the table; get back in your seat.
Dick: is that Batman furry art?
Tim: *chokes on his pasta* w-hat-?
Jason: *ducks down under table to curb a wheeze*
Bruce, deadly calm: ...Damian. let me see the ipad.
Alfred, actively fleeing the room: i hear the phone ringing i think-