324B21 @carbonsanniversary - Tumblr Blog

Retrospectively, you know what I really would’ve liked in an episode of tos? Kirk and Spock beam down to a planet of humanoids that doesn’t know about aliens yet, so of course Spock has his hat on, and when they get down there they look around and all the humanoids have pointed ears and it’s a mad scramble to trade off the hat.

halfsad-deactivated20180421

what state are you from & what state do you think has the worst drivers

#from michigan #and let me fuckin tell u #the entirety of the west coast #specifically washington

fckin-deactivated20171107

I’m thinking about her

eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2

forbidden fruit

isaacmemes

Why do grown ass adults want to eat Tide pods so much?

kitswulf

Because a ton of the visual/olfactory/textural sensory information these pods give me the match nutritionally-dense fruit. It’s got the oleic gleam of something high-fat like an avocado, but bright carotenoid-rich coloration like a berry that wants to be eaten by red-seeing primates and birds. It tends to smell sweet and slightly floral, enhancing that effect. Similarly, when you hold it, it is quite dense (denser than water), but very soft and liquid, once again reaffirming that this “fruit” has either high sugar or high fat content and almost no cellulose to it.

As a result, within me is a less-clever monkey just screaming to eat this delicious fruit in my hand about to go into the laundry, and it does in fact take willpower to tell him he’s a stupid monkey and this is a bubble of foul-tasting poison. But every time I do laundry, this fucking limbic monstrosity rises again and assures me it’s basically like a cherry but Even Better. I have legitimately debated just biting down on one in the hopes of inducing a deterrent memory to forestall this urge in the future, but that’s what my goddamn mammal-brain wants me to fucking do and I refuse to let it win.

ciphercoyote

Human Brain: Don’t eat the posion pod its fucking posion Monkey Brain: Eat the fruit pod its fruit Lizard Brain: The Washing Machine Is Vibrating Give It The Sex Fish Brain: Climb inside the washing machine it is safe.

954mm

clamchowdurr-deactivated2022040

That time of the year again

forever-slaying

“You threw a turkey at me” 😂😂

bantugal

I love white ppl😍

psychedelicfelon

White peoples live lifetime movies 😂😂😂

avocadobananas

who fucking litters. why do i ever see litter. who thinks that’s okay. who. who NEEDS to throw their fast food bag out the fucking window instead of waiting until they get somewhere with a trashcan. what kinda clown behavior. get fucked.

boophisburnhamae

yes Will, she has common sense

#pretty much

thorffour-deactivated20190920

Before vs After Adoption

[source]

monkeysaysficus

larry-david-lynch

Please adopt

greekgodohair

There’s something to be said for the way a rescue animal looks at you. It’s like they know or sense what you’ve done. Even though they’ll never be able to say it I feel as if they make up for it with that look.

#adopt don't shop!!

tastefullyoffensive

Mozzarella sticks are hard. (via ehrees)

lmaoalien

plot twist: JK rowling writes a series on voldemorts point of view

accioheadcanons-blog

“i looked in the mirror and cried. i look like an egg”

sodomymcscurvylegs

Trump is president and Blake Shelton is sexiest man alive. This is the year of “no qualifications needed.” Get your dream job today!

lotad

#when did i make this

proteusolm

every time. every time I say I can’t stand tomatoes someone emerges from the mist to offer me an heirloom cherry tomato from their garden. “It’s good. It’s sweet. You’ll like it,” they wail and wail. I make attempts to deflect them with no thank yous and jokes about them being close relatives of deadly nightshade to no avail. they continue to attempt to force the red orbs upon me. I give in to their plea and take a bite. “It’s ok I guess,” I whimper as my eyes water and I struggle not to gag on the sour, mushy, hell fruit.

jidashia

You’ve heard about Mom Friend and Dad Friend, now get ready for....

Grandpa Friend™:

- almost always grumpy - bad at showing affection but cares about their friends a lot - “what did you say?”, “Sorry i didn’t hear that, can you repeat it?” - often reminisces about their youth (even though they’re probably only in their twenties. Alternatively: “kids these days…”) - too old for this shit (see above) - totally not down with the youth - bad back (and everything else hurts too) - likes to complain