Sypnosis: Even though relationships arenāt his thing, Satoru believes he could make one last if he really wanted to. What other way to prove that than to bet on it, with you being the bet?
Pairing: Fratjo X Reader
Chapter Four: Going to the beach with a very annoying Satoru.
Content: Beach day with Satoru, special guests, playful banter, Satoru being a little shit, jealous Satoru, mentions of drug use, no smut, there might be typos.
Word Count: 5.3k
Ch. 1, 2, 3, 4
ac: thatsallitchief on X
A/N: Sorry I disappeared for so long! I was honestly really unmotivated to write this, but some people gave me enough motivation to finish this. Feedback is very much appreciated and gives me motivation! Comment if you want to be on the tagged list :)
Youāre standing in front of Satoruās familyās private beach house. Of course it was beautiful with a generous amount of space. You can tell that much from just the outside.
You feel a nudge on your shoulder. āCome on. Everyoneās waiting inside.ā The albino walks past you, into the house with his hands full carrying the heavier items while youāre left carrying the lighter ones since he insisted.
Inside awaits his friends, people you never met, which makes you anxious. Youāre spending the entire weekend with people you donāt know except Satoru and Shoko (whoās coming later).
It makes you wonder how he convinced you to do this in the first place.
Flashback yesterday
āWanna go to the beach this weekend?ā Satoru asks in the middle of a study session.
You finish highlighting a section in your textbook before looking up at him. āNo.ā
He frowns at that, bringing his hand to the airpod in his ear to pause the music since both of you had been sharing airpods, listening to music together. āWhy not? Donāt you like the beach?ā
āI love the beach, but our exam is coming up. I need to study.ā You reply casually, capping your pink highlighter.
āBut weāve been studying every day this entire week. You need to let your brain rest or youāll fail from being exhausted.ā He replies matter-of-factly, tapping his teddy bear pencil on your forehead as if that would further insinuate his words.
You donāt say anything and simply blink at him as he continues tapping the pencil on your forehead. Youāre not convinced.
He drags out a sigh, putting the pencil down before meeting your eyes once again. āLook, my parents own a private beach area with a beach house too. Itās been pretty warm outside, so Iām going there this weekend with some friends and I think you should tag along to replenish.ā
You scoff. āYeah, being alone with people I donāt know? Thatās an even bigger no.ā
āBut you know me.ā
His words are soft and reassuring with genuine eyes peeking behind his glasses, carrying the weight of his words.
Thatās all it takes for you to give in. Plus, you do miss the beach. A lot. āFine.ā
A smile curls onto his lips once youāve accepted. āYay! If you want you can invite someone to make you feel more comfortable.ā
āIāll keep that in mind.ā
End flashback
Oh yeah, that's how he convinced you.
You decided to invite Shoko because sheās the closest person to you. She doesnāt mind going out and socializing with random people, as long as she has a good time, so she agreed.
Now that youāre actually here, youāre feeling a bit uneasy because youāre about to meet a group of people all at once.
Donāt be awkward. Donāt be awkward. Donāt be awkward.
Taking a deep breath in, you finally step inside and follow behind Satoru.
āYo, Satoru. What took you so long?ā A man with long, black hair says from the kitchen with a bottle of beer in his hands.
āI donāt know, maybe having to make a pit stop to grab the groceries you forgot.ā The albino says as he sets the grocery bags on top of the counter.
The raven-haired man opens his mouth to respond before his eyes settle on you, finally noticing you behind his overwhelmingly tall best friend.
āYou must be the girl Satoru has been telling me so much about.ā He takes a few steps forward, one hand gripping the tile of the island that separates you two as he leans forward.
Now that heās standing in front of you with a clear view, you can see his lip piercing on his left side and an eyebrow piercing on his right. His hair halfway up into a man bun wearing black trunks and a black tank top to match.
āShut up, Suguru.ā Satoru swats at his best friend's arm. A pink tint begins to bloom on Satoruās cheeks, but he tries to play it off. āThis is Suguru, my best friend. Ignore whatever he tells you, heās an idiot.ā
āOh, right, Iām the idiot.ā Suguru jokes sarcastically, causing a giggle to escape your lips.
You open your mouth to speak when you suddenly hear footsteps coming down the hall. All of you turn your heads to the noise as they finally come into view.
When you finally see who it is, your eyes widen just a fraction with your heartbeat beginning to slowly hammer against your ribcage.
Itās Choso, also known as your ex-boyfriend.
His hair is down instead of his usual pigtails you were so used to seeing, red eyeshadow around his eyes with snakebites on his bottom lip and an anti-eyebrow piercing on his right cheek.
He seems to have the same reaction as you once his gaze settles on you, stopping in his tracks as his eyes widen just like yours do. ā...Y/n?ā
You tilt your head a bit, not expecting to see him all, obviously catching you off guard. āOh, hey. I didnāt know youād be here.ā
Satoru looks at Choso and then back at you several times, trying to make sense of the situation. How the hell do you know Choso?
Choso walks toward you, a warm smile gracing his lips before wrapping his arms around you. āItās nice to see you. Itās been so long.ā He lowers his head to rest his chin on your shoulder.
Youāre hesitant for a moment, hands hovering in the air awkwardly before hugging him back, a small smile of your own tugging the corners of your lips. āNice to see you too, Cho.ā
Cho?! Just how well does she know this guy?
The albino watches the way Choso wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into a hug and pressing your body against his without a single ounce of hesitation as if heās done it a million times. Then his gaze fixates on the way you slowly grow comfortable into the embrace, sliding your arms around his neck as if he belonged there.
Something painful twists into the depths of Satoruās heart.
The sensation isnāt sharp enough to be a wound or sudden enough to be shock. Itās a slow, aching pressure beneath his ribs, as if his heart is clenching around something it refuses to let go of. Every second you remain in that embrace seems to tighten the knot further.
What frustrates him most is that he canāt understand why.
Suguru notices it immediately. Not the hug itself. People hug all the time.
No, he noticed the way Satoruās expression changed.
One moment, Suguru had just watched the interaction between you two, slightly confused at the awkward interaction. The next, heās looking over at his best friend to see his shoulders stiffened almost imperceptibly,Ā jaw tightened.
āSeriously?ā, the raven-haired man thought to himself. āThe poor idiot doesnāt even seem aware of it.ā
Satoru canāt seem to understand why watching you two together felt so wrong. He shifted his weight, folded his arms, unfolded them again, all while pretending he wasn't watching.
Both of you pull away and only then do you realize how much heās changed from the last time you saw him. Heās towering over you, broad-shouldered and powerfully built, with defined arms and a strong chest that make his athletic physique immediately noticeable. Nothing like the skinny body you were so used to seeing on him. His posture is a lot more confident compared to back then as well.
āYou two know each other?ā Suguru finally interrupts, causing both you and Choso to turn your heads to him.
āOh, wellā¦ā the brunette drags out, unsure if you want to tell them.
āWe used to date.ā You interrupt. āBack in high school, but we ended it on good terms, so we're fine, right?ā You glance at Choso.
āRight.āā He nods, smiling as if your words had relieved him.
āAre you losers gonna stay cooped up in here all day?ā A familiar voice says behind you.
Your lips curl upwards at the voice alone, instantly recognizing who the voice belongs to. You quickly whip your head around to see Shoko. āOf course the last one to show up makes a dramatic entrance.ā You tease.
āOh, shut up.ā She retorts, approaching you with two girls following behind her.
One of the girls has long, dark purple-brown hair reaching past her shoulders with a scar running vertically across the right side of her face. The other woman has long, blonde hair that sits at her waist with dark colored eyes. Theyāre all in their bikiniās, including Shoko. The purple-brown hair girl has a short, slim figure while the blonde one has a tall, athletic one.
āThis is Utahime and Yuki.ā Satoru gestures to the two women behind the brunette. āAnd this is y/n.ā Satoru gestures back to you, introducing you to each other before leaning down to whisper in your ear. āUtahime can have a temper, just so you know.ā
āI only have a temper around you!ā The scar-faced woman snaps back since Satoru purposefully spoke loud enough for her to hear.
āWell then that makes the two of us.ā You grin at Utahime, causing her eyes to soften, a complete 180 to the ones full of annoyance just a second ago. āIām y/n, this white haired idiotās friend, unfortunately.ā
āI like her.ā Yuki crosses her arms over her chest, a smile of approval on her lips.
Utahime nods. āA lot actually.ā
Satoruās bottom lip juts out gripping his shirt where his heart is beneath as if your words physically struck him. āYou all act like Iām the spawn of Satan! How cruelā¦ā
āWait, you arenāt?ā You tilt your head mockingly, pretending to be in disbelief, causing giggles to escape everyone.
The albino squints his eyes at you, a scowl on his plump lips. āYouāre gonna pay for that.ā
Shoko wraps her arm around your neck, walking you to the door. āForget him. Heās all bark, no bite.ā She teases, turning her head to stick her tongue at the albino as he glared at her, his pout sticking out.
ą¼ŗā”ą¼»
The afternoon sun is warm enough to make the sand feel like a giant heated blanket. You lay stretched out on your towel, sunglasses perched on your nose, completely content as the rhythmic crash of the waves drift through the air with Shoko laying beside you, probably asleep since she hasnāt said a word since you two first laid here.
Nearby, Satoru emerges from the ocean, dripping wet from his swim. He stops a few feet away, crosses his arms, and looks down at you. "You know," he says, "it's pretty rude to leave me alone in the cold ocean, getting obliterated by waves while you sit here becoming a human solar panel."
You donāt even bother to open your eyes. "Mmm. Sounds difficult."
"It was." He retorts, his gaze sweeping over your form in your bikini, your skin glistening due to the sunscreen and he just silently hopes your eyes are closed.
"I'm sure you'll recover."
Satoru shakes his head, grinning as his gaze finds your face again. "You also buried my sandals."
"They looked happier underground."
"You stole my towel."
"I found it."
"You called me the spawn of Satan."
"I thought you were the spawn of Satan. Thereās a difference."
Satoru points at you triumphantly. "There it is."
"What?"
"You admitted it." He cooed, a grin on his lips.
You crack one eye open. "I admitted nothing."
"You started this entire war."
You roll onto one elbow with an exaggerated sigh, staring at his shit-eating grin before it drifts down to his athletic build, noticing his bellybutton and nipple piercings before they drift back up to his gaze. Thank God youāre wearing sunglasses. "And?"
"And..." Satoru folds his arms. "I told you earlier there'd be payback."
You let out a mocking laugh. "Oh please."
"You think Iām joking?" He takes a step further, trying to intimidate you.
"You make a lot of dramatic threats.ā
"I mean this one."
You wave a dismissive hand before settling back down. "Sure you do."
Satoru stands there for another second, smiling to himself. "You really don't believe me?"
"Nope." You pop the P.
"Not even a little?"
"Not even a little." You confirm.
He nodded thoughtfully. "Interesting."
You frown slightly beneath your sunglasses. "...Why are you smiling like that?"
Instead of answering, Satoru crouches beside you and in one smooth motion, he slips an arm around your waist, another behind her knees, causing your eyes to fly open.
"Satoru."
"Hi."
"What are youā" Before you can finish, he effortlessly hoists you up and, with an exaggerated grunt of effort, shifts you over one shoulder.
The world flipped upside down, your sunglasses slipping off and falling on his towel you stole. You feel his bodyā still cool and wet from the oceanā press against your warm body.
"Hey!" You burst into surprised laughter almost immediately, kicking your feet harmlessly in the air and hitting his back that felt like a pillow to the annoying albino.
"Put me down!" You demand, trying to hide your smile.
"No can do." He crooned and you donāt even need to see him to picture the stupid smirk on his lips.
"Shoko!ā You attempt to call for backup, reaching in her direction even though you werenāt in her proximity anymore. āHelp me!ā
Shoko lifts her glasses, makes direct eye contact with you, causing a flicker of hope to spark in your chest, a small smile beginning to form.
Before she puts her glasses back on her nose, shifting to lay more comfortably, letting the white-haired devil take you away without a single care in the world.
āTraitor!ā You yell out, a look of betrayal on your face.
A bark of laughter rumbles through Satoruās chest at your pathetic attempt to get saved. "You were warned."
"I thought you were joking!" You whine.
"I wasn't." He starts walking toward the shoreline, carrying you so effortlessly it annoys you.
"Oh my gosh," You lightly pat his back. "Satoru, seriously. This could be considered kidnapping."
"It's five feet." He retorts, walking closer and closer to the shoreline.
"Iāll give you a massageā¦? Just not on your feet. Gross.ā You make your last pathetic protest.
"My feet are clean, Iāll have you know.ā You can hear the pout in his tone without even looking at him. āWhile thatās a tempting offerā¦itās too late.ā
You twist just enough to see the water getting closer, realizing he might actually be serious about this. "...Satoru."
"Hm?" It comes off as a soft hum, nothing compared to his current actions.
"You're actually going to throw me in the ocean�"
"I am." He says it as if fate has already solidified it.
"You wouldn't." You try to sound confident, but youāre believing him more with each step.
"But I would."
You groan dramatically, putting your entire weight against him and letting him carry you like a sack of potatoes, realizing it was pointless to try and resist. "I spent twenty minutes getting comfortable and you ruined itā¦"
"And I spent twenty minutes thinking of how to make you pay, while youāā, he gave her leg a playful bounce, āwere laying on the towel you stole from me without a care in the world.ā
"And I donāt regret it one bit." You bicker back with an attitude obvious in your tone.
"Wrong answer." When the water reaches his knees you yelp, instinctively clinging to his back.
"Wait!"
"Last chance." He replies, his face completely calm while yours is the exact opposite.
"For what?"
"Apologize."
"...No." You have nothing to be sorry for, so why would you apologize?
A grin pins against his lips. āYouāre cute when youāre bold.ā He cooned, teasingly lowering your body a little towards the salty water.
You let out sharp gasp, clinging onto him even tighter, already imagining how cold the water is. "...Satoru."
"Yes?"
"If you throw me inā"
He cuts you off, taunting you. "I'm listening."
"āI'll..." You pause for a minute, not being able to come up with a single valuable threat when this man is already outrageously taller and stronger than you. "...I'll be...very annoyed."
He barked another laugh, causing you to scowl. "Iām shaking in my boots."
"I hate you.ā
"And yet," he says, "here we are." He steps until the next wave swirls around you two. "This is your final warning. I suggest you choose your next words wisely.ā
You let out a dramatic sigh. āI still don't think you'll do it.ā
Satoruās grin only grew wider. "Youāre still seriously underestimating me?ā With one careful motion, he lifts you off his shoulder just enough to hold you securely in front of him for a split second.
Your eyes widen twice their size, grabbing onto him tighter. "Wait!"
Then, with that stupid, teasing tone of his, "three..."
"Satoru."
"Two..."
"I'm serious."
"One."
You squeal as he lowers you straight into the cold ocean with a loud splash, causing water to erupt everywhere.
A second later, you surface, pushing wet hair out of your face and sputtering, still feeling the coldness from the water. You look over at Satoru who was bursting into laughter, laughing so hard he nearly lost his balance, causing your scowl to only deepen.
You glare at him, watching him laugh his ass off. āYou shouldāve seen your face!ā
Instead of responding, you raise your hand up to his chest and flick his pierced nipple.
Satoru helps out in pain, his hand hovering over his pec. āOuch! Theyāre sensitive!ā He whines, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout.
āThatās what you get for being a moron.ā You roll your eyes in annoyance, but deep down, you thought it was funny. Satoru couldnāt know that though.
You turn around to walk back to shore before you suddenly feel strong arms wrap around your waist. āWhat are youāā
Before you can finish your sentence, you feel him nuzzle the crook of your neck, placing a soft kiss right below your ear, causing you to suck in your breath. If you werenāt in the cold ocean right now, youād definitely be a bit flustered right now.
Thatās untilā¦
āHold your breath.ā He whispers in your ear, that teasing croon in his tone.
Knowing the complete menace this white-haired devil is, you suck in your breath before he tightens his arms around you before dunking you backwards into the water with him.
You come back to the surface, pushing your wet hair back while panting. āIām going to killāā your words die in your throat when you turn around to see the droplets running down Satoruās body, sliding down his toned chest down to his abs, using his hand to push back his hair, giving him a slick back that looked way too good on him as an addictive chuckle escaped his lips, ā...you.ā
Satoru notices the way your words die in your mouth as you analyze his appearance, a grin curling on his stupidly handsome face. āOh? Did I finally manage to seduce you with my ravishing looks?ā He crooned, leaning down to your height a bit.
Oh, how you hate when heās smart only when he wants to be.
āShut up or Iāll rip out your bellybutton piercing.ā You spat, turning your back to him with an attitude.
āStop harassing my piercings!ā He whines, pressing his chest against your back, wrapping his arms around you, so you donāt try to make an escape again as he nuzzles the crook of your neck, pressing his lips against the junction of your neck and shoulder. āYouāre so mean to me.ā He mumbles against your skin.
āYeah, and you like it, you perv.ā You retort, trying to take a step forward to escape his embrace, which only makes it tighten his hold on you.
You feel his lips curl into a smirk on your skin, making you roll your eyes before he could even speak. āGuilty as charged, but can you blame me?ā
āOh yes, one thousand percent.ā You joke, causing another whine to vibrate against your skin. āYou didnāt have that belly button piercing at the carnival. You shouldnāt be in the water if itās new.ā
Satoru is silent for a moment, hearing the genuine masked concern in your voice even though you tried to sound casual about it. She noticed I didnāt have it on when I lifted up my shirt for a split second.
āWow, were you checking me out that hard?ā He coos, nipping your earlobe playfully.
You immediately jut your head away. āEw, donāt put your saliva on me!ā You scold, but there was no real heat behind your words. āAnd stop reading into things. I just happen to be very observant.ā You protest, letting out a small huff.
A genuine smile decorates his face as he looks down at your scowl, glad youāre not able to see his reaction due to him being behind you before he places a soft kiss on the side of your head. āIāve had that piercing for a while, but I took it out for a little. Donāt worry.ā
An uneasy feeling pierces your nervous system, realizing he might think you cared enough about him to realize and point out the piercing. You donāt want him to think you care that much. Youāve only known this guy for a few weeks. Thereās no way you have feelings for him.
Or maybe deep down, you just didnāt want him to take advantage of the fact youāre starting to care for him. Maybe it was the fact you found it embarrassing to care for someone so fast. Maybe a small part of you was scared you were beginning to care for him. Maybe part of you was scared heād play with your emotions knowing you care for him. Or worseā¦maybe it was all the above.
Instead of responding, you pinch his arm thatās wrapped around you with enough pressure to make it hurt, causing him to retract his arms. āOw! Youāre such a sadist! And you call me the perv!ā
ą¼ŗā”ą¼»
Satoruās POV
The bonfire crackled in the backyard of the beach house, sending sparks drifting into the dark sky as laughter bounced between the scattered folding chairs.
Haibara and Nanami, friends of Satoru's, had come over for the bonfire.
Haibara, Nanami and Utahime were playing a card game. You occasionally heard whines from Haibara because he kept losing. Yuki and Shoko were giggling amongst each other, sharing a blunt that Choso supplied.
The salty evening breeze carried the smell of smoke, a slight scent of weed, and the ocean.
Satoru leans back in his chair, one ankle resting over the opposite knee, absentmindedly turning a marshmallow skewer between his fingers. Across the fire sat you, the orange glow flickering across your face as you laugh at something Choso says.
Satoru almost completely forgot Choso was even here along with that strange feeling from earlier while on the beach, too distracted teasing you.
"...It's been forever," Choso says with an easy smile as smoke escapes his lips, passing the blunt to you.
You didnāt smoke much, but you didnāt mind it once in a while. Sometimes it was relaxing like right now. "I know," A soft laugh escapes your throat as you take the blunt from him, bringing it to your lips to inhale it for a brief moment before speaking. "I almost didn't recognize you."
Chosoās jaw drops, pretending to be offended. "That's offensive."
"You were so puny the last time I saw you.ā You croon with a grin.
"I matured." He says as if itās a matter-of-fact.
"Donāt tell me you turned into one of those gym rats." You retort, your expression twisting in playful disgust as you pass the blunt back to him.
Choso clutches his chest dramatically. "Wow. Iām finally not āpunyā anymore, but you still find a way to judge me.ā He reaches his arm out, taking it back from you.
"Itās just an observation. No need for dramatics." You roll your eyes, trying to hide your smile.
A smileā a real smileā curls on Chosoās lips. "You havenāt changed a bit."
A warm smile pins against your lips. "Neither have you."
Satoru had no idea you smoked until now. He never took you for the type since youāre such a good student. The fact that he learned this by watching you basically indirect kiss with Choso rubbed him the wrong way.
Satoru stared into the fire, unblinking before his marshmallow had caught fire as that same feeling from earlier came flooding back.
"...Dude." Suguruās eyes darted between the brunt marshmallow and his best friendās blank expression.
Satoru blinks, being plucked away from his thoughts. "Hm?"
The raven-haired man points toward the tiny flame at the end of Satoru's stick. "You plan on eating charcoal?"
"Oh." Satoru blew it out without much enthusiasm, making him seem even more off because everyone knew about his sweet tooth.
Suguru watches him for another moment. "You've been staring at them for likeā¦ten minutes."
"I haven't." Satoru responds a bit too quickly.
"You literally didn't notice your marshmallow was on fire."
"I was thinking." The albino retorts.
"About?"
Satoru pauses for a moment. āStuff.ā
Suguru follows his line of sight across the flames where you and Choso were talking. Your conversation seems comfortable and effortless regardless of your status towards each other. Itās like no time has passed at all.
You laugh again, lightly pinching Chosoās arm after he brought up an embarrassing moment from your high school days.
Thatās our thing, Satoru thinks to himself, trying his best not to pout.
Choso laughed in return, rubbing his arm with a faint blush spreading across his cheeks and Satoru could only hope it was from embarrassment.
Something tightened in Satoru's chest. It wasn't painful. Justā¦unpleasant. Like a sweater that suddenly fit too tightly.
He frowned without realizing it, but Suguru noticed immediately. "There it is."
"What?" His eyes rip away from you and onto Suguruās purple ones.
"That face.ā
"What face?ā
"The one you've been making all night.ā
Satoruās eyes touch in confusion. "I'm making a face?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"...Like you just watched someone take the last cone from an ice cream stand or something." Suguru says, trying to make Satoru understand the severity through his sweet tooth.
Satoru snorted, shaking his head. "I do not."
"You kinda do." Suguru replied matter-of-factly.
The white-haired man sank back in his seat, attempting to seem relaxed. "I don't care."
Suguru tilted his head, grinning at finding his best friendās denial entertaining. "Then why do you keep looking over there?"
"Iām not."
"You've looked over there six times in the last two minutes."
Satoru slouches more in his seat, fighting a pout against his lips. "...Have not."
Suguru raises an eyebrow. "You literally looked while denying it."
The albino opens his mouth to argue before realizing he had, in fact, glanced across the fire again. "...Huh."
"So?"
"So what?"
"What's your deal?" Suguru asks, putting a marshmallow on a stick, moving it in the fire.
"I don't have one." Satoru tries to distract himself, putting his burnt marshmallow to his lips and tasting it cautiously before his expression twists into disgust, pulling it away. āIām just worried sheāll be interested in him again and Iāll lose heā the bet with Hakai.ā He immediately corrects.
Suguru shoots an eyebrow at his best friend. āUh huhā¦.ā He leans back, his eyes back on his marshmallow. "You don't think they're gonna get back together, do you?"
The question came so suddenly that Satoru answered before thinking. "...Maybe." He silently hopes this chair will swallow him whole so he can avoid this conversation.Ā
Suguru turns to albino, blinks, and gazes back at the fire. "You've thought about this."
Satoru frowns, staring at the burnt piece of fluff in his hands. "No..? I donāt know." He doesnāt want to admit it, but he canāt bring himself to lie about it either.
"They're laughing."
"They're catching up."
"They dated."
"They also broke up years ago."
"I know."
"They've both dated other people since."
"I know."
"They're obviously comfortable."
"I know."
The conversation is like a broken record. Itās almost like Satoru is trying to reassure himself more than Suguru.
The raven-haired man studies the albino for a long moment. Satoru isnāt angry. He isnāt glaring. He isnāt being petty or bitter. If anything...he looks bothered by something he canāt explain.
Finally Satoru speaks quietly, his eyes fixated on the burnt fluff in his hands because he knows if he looks anywhere else, his gaze will find you again. "It's just..." He hesitates, taking a long exhale. "I don't know."
Suguru waits patiently for his words. Without meaning tooā almost like it was subconscious, Satoruās gaze flickers back up to you, seeing you smile at something Choso said.
That same strange ache from earlier returned. It wasnāt sharp or overwhelming, but instead it was persistent, which somehow made it more annoying and intolerable. "...It's weird."
"What is?"
"They look..." He searches for the right word. "...comfortable."
"They're old friends."
"I know."
"They ended things on good terms."
"I know."
The roles seem to be versed now. Like Suguru was trying to reassure him now.
Satoru sighs, tossing the marshmallow in the bonfire before rubbing the back of his neck. "I know all of that."
"So what's bothering you?"
"I..." He drags out his word, not being able to provide an answer. Itās not like he was upset with Choso. That was his friend who he genuinely got along with. He wasnāt upset with you either. You could talk to whoever you wanted and at the end of the day you could be with whoever you want. Maybe his ego will be a little bruised, but heāll live.
So why does every laugh you two share seem to snag at something inside him? Why does it feel... wrong? Not because you two were doing anything wrong, but becauseā¦he didnāt like seeing it. The realization only frustrates him more because it makes no sense.
"They're probably just reminiscing," he mutters.
"Probably."
āBut I have a feeling thatās not what youāre concerned about.ā Suguru thinks to himself, but keeps his mouth shut. He thinks this is something Satoru needs to figure out on his own and once he does, heāll be there to give him advice if he needs it.
"They're friends."
"Seems like it."
"So why does it..." He trails off again. He canāt have feelings for you. No way. Heās supposed to make you fall for him, not the other way around. Thatās all this is. A bet. Thatās all this has ever been so why? Whatās this annoying ache he wants to rip out of his chest? Even though heās been with more women he can count on his fingers, this ache in his chest is something new.
Little does he know, while those relationships never lacked physical intimacy, they always lacked emotional intimacy.
Suguru tilts his head. "Why does it what?"
Satoru stares into the fire, watching the flames shift in the breeze, his chest feeling annoyingly heavy. "...I don't know."
The answer sat somewhere just out of reach, like a word on the tip of his tongue. He couldn't name the feeling. Only that every time you laughed with Choso, that quiet ache returned.
Across the fire, you glance up for just a second, your eyes meeting his blue ones. You smile instinctively, the easy smile you casually gave everyone. Not the same one you were giving Choso right now. Not the same one from your tutoring session at his place. Itās just a simple smile, which left him wanting to see your genuine smile directed only at him.
Without thinking, Satoru smiles back. Then Choso says something that makes you turn toward him again, laughing once more, causing the ache to return almost immediately.
Suguru watched the whole exchange. Then he looks at Satoru, whose gaze lingers on the other side of the fire for just a fraction too long. Suguru continues to not say anything. He doesnāt need to. Satoru might not have recognized the feeling yet, but Suguru did.
It wasn't discomfort or suspicion and it most definitely wasnāt Satoru being concerned over the bet.
synopsis ā after reading about a book series that mirrored everything youād loved about a past favourite, you were thrilled to find it in your college library. the copies were oldāworn enough to still have checkout cardsābut what caught your attention was the same set of initials, G.S., scrawled across nearly every one. the same G.S. who had filled the margins with sharp, thoughtful annotations. you couldnāt stop yourself from thoroughly enjoying the silly little comments written in the margins, leaving your own notes alongside theirs. it wasnāt until much later that you realised G.S. wasnāt some long-gone bookworm. it was none other than the man you had sworn to hate. gojo satoru.
pairing ā nerd! satoru x reader
genre ā academic rivals to lovers
word countā 32k (oops)
warnings ā sexual content (unprotected sex), swearing, mentions of not eating, slight angst.
small playlist i listened to while writing
"You all can come and grab the papers nowādo not ask me for any re-evaluations, the mark presented on the paper is your final markā"
You barely listen. The professor could be reading a grocery list for all you care. Your focus is already on the stack of midterms in his hands, your heart pounding like a drum against your ribs.
The exam had been brutalā200 marks, covering classical mechanics and electromagnetism, some of the toughest material in your Physics II course. Past students had called it a horror show, a midterm designed to crush dreams and expose weaknesses. It was weighted heavily in your final grade, which meant every single mark mattered. The room is filled with a tense hum, a mixture of eager whispers and anxious murmurs. Some students hesitate in their seats, mentally preparing themselves before facing their doom. But you? You don't wait. You weave through the aisles, manoeuvring past people, determined to be one of the first to grab your paper.
And, of course, Gojo is right behind you.
"Jeez, you could at least pretend to be patient," he muses, his tone dripping with amusement as he strolls lazily down the steps, hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie. You roll your eyes. "Not all of us have the luxury of cruising through exams without trying."
"I do try," he says, flashing you a grin. "I try just enough." Before you can shoot back a response, you reach the professorās desk. Professor Takeda raises an unimpressed brow as he sorts through the papers.
"You two again," he sighs. "Half my life as a professor has been spent watching you bicker."
"Don't be dramatic, sir," Gojo says smoothly, resting an elbow on the desk. "It's only been three years." Takeda shakes his head, muttering something under his breath about headaches before handing you your paper. You grab it without waiting, fingers slightly shaking as you flip it over.
98.
The relief rushes through you instantly, so strong you canāt help the triumphant burst of excitement. "Ninety-eight!" you blurt out, beaming as you hug the paper to your chest. Itās a damn near perfect score, and after all those sleepless nights, all those hours of grinding through problem setsāyou earned this. Gojo, still waiting for his turn, glances at you with an expression you canāt quite place. His usual smirk is still there, but thereās something elseāsomething quieter, almost thoughtful, before he smooths it over with his usual easy confidence.
Takeda hands him his paper. Gojo flips it over, barely reacting as he reads the number at the top.
"Ninety-five." Your grin widens.
"You mean I beat you?" You practically bounce on your heels. "Me? The one you said was ātoo uptightā and needed to ārelax and accept second placeā? Me?"
Gojo exhales through his nose, shaking his head, as he folds his paper out of your sight. "Don't get too cocky," he drawls, shoving the paper under his arm. "Itās just three points."
"Three points above you."
"For now," he corrects smoothly, nudging your shoulder as he moves past you.
Itās been this way since freshman year. You and Gojo had ended up in the same introductory physics course, and from the very first midterm, it was clear: you were the only two truly competing at the top of the class. But while you poured everything into studyingālate nights, flashcards, equations scribbled on napkinsāGojo seemed to barely put in the effort. Heād show up late to lectures, half-asleep in sweatpants, glasses slightly skewed, yet somehow still aced every exam. He never took notes, never stressed, never seemed to break a sweat. It drove you insane. Because no matter how hard you tried, how much effort you put ināhe was always right there with you. Sometimes ahead, sometimes just behind, but never far enough to ignore.
And worst of all? He made it look easy. By now, the entire physics department knew about your rivalry. Professors expected you to fight over test scores. Study groups would take bets on who would score higher. Even during practical lab sessions, it was always a silent battleāwho could get through the calculations faster, who could figure out the trick questions first. You hated him. And now, after years of this, you finally had something over him. A small, almost imperceptible shift in the universe.
You beat Gojo Satoru. As soon as class ends, youāre practically floating out of the lecture hall, midterm still clutched in your hands. The second you step into the cafeteria, your eyes scan the room for your friend, and when you finally spot her at your usual table, you donāt even bother with a greeting. āI got a ninety-eight,ā you announce, sliding into the seat across from her with an undeniably smug grin. āAnd I beat Gojo.ā
Her head snaps up from her laptop. āWaitā Gojo Gojo?ā
You roll your eyes. āAs opposed to what? Some other Gojo in our department?ā
āOh my God, you actually did it?ā she gasps, setting her drink down as she stares at you in something close to awe. āI thought that man was unstoppable.ā
āWell, turns out heās not.ā You lean back in your chair, stretching your arms above your head. āGuess he finally met his match.ā Your friend is still blinking at you in disbelief when a voice cuts in from behind you, slow and amused.
āOne good score, and you think youāre the shit.ā You freeze. Then, before you can even turn around, Gojo is already there, stepping up behind you like a shadow that refuses to be ignored. You feel the presence of himātall, lazy, entirely too smugābefore you even lift your head to meet his gaze. Heās leaning in just slightly, close enough to loom, his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. That familiar, insufferable smirk is plastered on his face, condescending and infuriatingly amused.
You huff. āCanāt a girl enjoy her victory in peace?āĀ
He tilts his head, that same damned smirk never wavering. āVictory?ā he echoes, voice dripping with mockery. āYouāre getting ahead of yourself, arenāt you? One midterm doesnāt erase three years of domination.ā You scoff, crossing your arms. āOh, please. Like youāve actually dominated me.ā
āOh, you want me to bring out the stats?ā Gojo hums, slipping into the seat beside you like he owns the place. He props his elbow on the table, resting his cheek on his palm as he begins, āPhysics I finalā97 to your 96. Thermodynamics midterm? 95 to your 91. Electromagnetic Fields examāā
You groan. āJesus Christ, you memorized all of them?ā
āYou think I donāt keep track?ā He arches a brow, eyes glinting with amusement. āItās not my fault I have a consistent history of kicking your ass.ā
Your friend snorts into her drink. āHe kinda has a pointāā
You shoot her a glare. Gojo, meanwhile, is clearly having the time of his life. He leans in, that imposing height of his making his presence impossible to ignore, his voice dropping just slightly, almost teasing. āBut sure,ā he drawls, chin resting in his hand. āEnjoy your one win, (name). Iāll let you have it.ā
You grip your cup so tightly the plastic crinkles. āLet me have it?ā
āMmm.ā He tilts his head, looking entirely too pleased with himself. āWouldnāt want you to cry when I obliterate you on the final.ā Your friend nudges you under the table, mouthing heās so full of shit, but you barely register itābecause the air between you and Gojo is charged in a way that makes your stomach twist. You wonāt admit it out loud, but part of you wondersā is this how he always talks to you?
So close, so taunting, like he enjoys watching you bristle. You hate how natural it feels, how effortless the rhythm of your bickering has become. But more than anything, you hate the way your heart stutters when he pushes himself out of his chair, hands still stuffed in his pockets, and grins down at you like he already knows how the next round of this fight is going to end.
āYou should really start studying,ā he hums, walking backward toward the exit. āYouāll need it.ā And with that, heās gone, leaving you fuming at the table. Your friend watches him go, eyebrows raised. āSo, uh,ā she says slowly. āAre we sure you guys arenāt flirting?ā You glare at her.
āI hate him.ā She smirks. āMhm.ā You seethe a little, realisingāwith a stab of annoyanceāthat yes, that motherfucker is actually leading right now in terms of grades and rankings. Itās not even about the marks. Okay, maybe itās a little about the marks. But youāve always been the smart woman in your course. The one who professors hold up as an example. The one whose name has been printed on merit lists and whose email is always flooded with internship offers and research opportunities. Youāve spent years perfecting your academic standing, earning every achievement through sheer effort and discipline. But for some odd reason, none of it ever seems to matter until youāve compared it with Gojo Satoru. You glare at his name on the leaderboard, one place ahead of yours. A single midterm shouldnāt be enough to infuriate you, and yetā
Your eye twitches. How the hell did you even get here?
Well.
Actually.
You know how. You just try not to think about it because, frankly, itās one of the most mortifying moments of your entire academic career.
ā
It was the very first week of freshman year, and you were, for lack of a better term, an insufferable know-it-all. Not in a bad wayāokay, maybe in a slightly bad way. But it wasnāt your fault that you took your education seriously, or that you actually read ahead in your courses, or that you genuinely cared about learning. If anything, you were doing everyone a service by answering questions when no one else raised their hands. So, on that particular day, when your physics professor asked the class a question about vector components, you barely hesitated before speaking up.
āThe perpendicular components of a vector are independent of each other,ā youād answered smoothly, sitting up a little straighter as you prepared to elaborate. āThatās why we can analyse them separately usingāā
āOhhh, wow,ā someone cut in, voice dripping with mock wonder. āLook at that. We got a genius in the house.ā The interruption had been so unexpectedāso audaciousāthat it completely derailed your train of thought.
And when you turned around, irritated beyond belief, there he was. White hair, round glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, an undeniably punchable smirk tugging at his lips. You had no idea who he was at the time. Just some tall, obnoxious guy slouched lazily in his seat, all limbs and arrogance, tapping a pen idly against his notebook as he stared at you with barely concealed amusement.
Your brows furrowed. āExcuse me?ā
āIām just saying,ā he shrugged, āyou must be so fun at parties.ā The class chuckled. Your jaw clenched. āWell, someone has to answer when no one else even tries.ā
āRight, because weāre all just too stupid to understand vectors,ā he drawled, stretching lazily in his seat.
āI didnāt say that,ā you shot back.
āDidnāt have to,ā he grinned, tapping his temple. āI could feel the superiority radiating from you.ā You exhaled sharply through your nose, forcing yourself to turn back around before you said something that would get you in trouble on the first week of class.
āOkay, okay,ā your professor cut in, looking thoroughly unbothered by the exchange. āLetās keep the debating to actual physics concepts.ā That should have been the end of it. But then you heard a low tsk from behind you.
āI bet she memorized the textbook cover to cover before the semester even started,ā the white-haired menace mused under his breath to his friend with the long, black haired locks, who seemed disinterested in what his friend had to say.
You whipped around. āI did notāā
āDonāt lie, nerd.ā
āExcuse me?!ā The class chuckled again. And when you shot a glare toward your professor, expecting some kind of reprimand, he just sighed and muttered, āGod, I already know you two are going to be a pain in my ass.ā From that moment on, it had been war.
Your first set of midterms was when you realized he wasnāt just talk. You walked into class with a 97 on your physics exam, feeling confidentāonly to glance over and see Gojo slouched in his seat, grinning as he casually flipped his test paper over to show a 99. He made eye contact with you as he tapped his fingers against the big red number. You nearly broke your pen in half.
And so it began.
Every exam, every assignment, every single class discussion became a battleground. You would argue over formulas, nitpick each otherās solutions, and constantly try to one-up the other. You worked your ass off to close the gap, pouring hours into perfecting your work. And Gojo? Gojo barely looked like he was trying. That was what infuriated you the most. He never seemed stressed, never looked exhausted, never talked about pulling all-nighters. He just showed up, half the time looking like he hadnāt even studied, and still somehow stayed ahead. Until now. Until your 98 finally beat his 95. A single win isnāt enough. But damn, does it feel good.
ā
You step into the lecture hall, already bracing yourself for the inevitable. Sure enough, Gojo Satoru is exactly where you expect him to beāsprawled out in his usual seat, legs stretched obnoxiously far like he has no concept of personal space. His sunglasses rest on top of his head, keeping his messy white hair from falling into his annoyingly pretty eyes, and the second he spots you, that familiar smirk tugs at his lips. Youāre already exhausted.Ā
āYouāre early,ā you mutter, slipping into your seat and pulling out your laptop.
āAnd youāre predictable,ā he shoots back. āWhat, do you set an alarm just to make sure you get here before me?ā
āYou wish.ā
āNah, you wish.ā
You pause, narrowing your eyes. āThat doesnāt even make sense.ā
He shrugs, propping his chin on his hand. āStill got under your skin, though, didnāt it?ā
You make a sound of irritation in the back of your throat, ready to tell him exactly where he can shove his smug attitude, but your friend plops into the seat next to you, completely unaware of the storm brewing between you and Gojo. You exhale sharply, forcing yourself to shift gearsāthereās something more important than your ongoing war with him. Something much, much more important.
āOkay, so, I found this book series last night,ā you begin, your fingers twitching excitedly as you pull out your phone. āI was going through one of those book recommendation guidesāyou know, the niche ones that arenāt full of the same ten bestsellersāand this one just caught my eye.ā Your friend hums in interest, booting up their laptop. āWhatās it about?ā
You practically buzz with excitement. āSo itās kind of likeāugh, how do I explain itāitās this really well-written like narrative, mystery, suspense, romance, but with, like, existential themes? And this insane world building? And apparently, no one talks about it because the publisher went under before it got the recognition it deserved, so itās kind of a hidden gem.ā As you speak, Gojo, who had been staring blankly at the front of the room, blinks. That sounds familiar.
āYouāre really selling it,ā your friend teases.
āRight?! And apparently, itās super hard to find, but I checked, and our library actually has a few copies.ā You tuck your phone away, already feeling a rush of excitement. āIām gonna borrow the first book after class.ā Gojo leans back in his seat, eyes flickering with something unreadable.
Yeah, he thinks. Iāve definitely read that.
He doesnāt say anything, though. Just rests his chin in his palm and listens as you keep gushing. Because now that he thinks about it, he really liked that series too. It had been one of those random books he picked up between classes, half expecting to get bored, but then something about it hooked him. The way it wove together philosophy and adventure, the quiet melancholy lingering in the proseāit was the kind of book that stuck with you. But he never finished it. Midterms had hit, and between exams, research papers, and group projects that made him want to rip his hair out, he just⦠forgot. He never went back to check out the last few books. He had meant to, but by the time he had free time again, his brain had moved on. And now here you are, unknowingly digging it back up.
His fingers drum idly against the desk, and for some reason, he canāt shake the thought: Sheās gonna love it.Ā He steals another glance at you. Youāre still talking, eyes bright with excitement, flipping through your phone as you read off little details from the guide you found. The enthusiasm is contagiousāhe canāt remember the last time he saw you this animated about something that wasnāt academics. Usually, all your energy goes into perfecting equations, arguing with him over points lost on exams, and trying to one-up him in every possible way. This is⦠different.
And weirdly, he finds himself kind of liking it. Not that heād ever admit it.
ā
So after class finally finishesāthankfully, your professor had been going through a hard topic that he kept droning on and on about, emphasising how likely it was to appear in the final examāit was enough to sate even Gojo, who, for once, shut up and took notes diligently. You head out at lightning speed, managing a small āsee you laterā to your friend before disappearing into the hallway. Honestly, ever since the new year of college had started, youād barely had time to indulge in activities you actually enjoyed.
Sure, you squeezed in a few books here and there when you had the chance, but it was difficult finding ones that hit just the right wayāones with the same kind of engaging plot, the same writing style that kept you hooked. Youād tried, but nothing had stuck with you the way your favorite books used to. It had been frustrating, going through these long periods without anything to read. But this time, you had a feeling it would be different.Ā
Turning a corner, you step into the vast college library, its sheer size never failing to impress you. The high, arched ceilings, the rows upon rows of bookshelves, and the dozens of students scattered across large wooden tables, heads buried in textbooksāitās an environment that should feel welcoming, yet all it does is remind you how much work you still have waiting for you. You shake that thought away.
Right now, youāre here for one thing.
You glance at your phone, rereading the authorās name one last time before slipping it into your pocket and heading straight for the fiction section. Itās tucked away in one of the quieter corners of the library, past the heavier academic texts, and while itās not as large as the science or philosophy sections, it still has an impressive selection. The shelves here are a little dustier, the books a little more wornāproof that they donāt get checked out as often as the physics or chemistry textbooks. You trace your fingers lightly along the spines, scanning for the title. When you finally spot it, you feel a flicker of excitement. There it is.
The first book in the series. The cover is simple yet striking, the title embossed in slightly faded silver lettering. You pull it off the shelf carefully, glancing around to see if the rest of the series is there. To your delight, every single book is lined up neatly in order. Some of them look well-loved, the edges softened from use, some even slightly bent, as if theyād been carried around in bags, read and reread countless times.
You flip the book over and read the blurb. Even though you already know the gist of the story from your research, thereās something about reading the official summary that makes your excitement spike. Itās exactly what youāve been looking forāan underrated but brilliant story, the kind that feels like a hidden gem. Unable to resist, you take the book with you and settle down at one of the smaller, tucked-away tables. Youāre a slow reader, someone who likes to absorb every word, letting the imagery settle in your mind before moving on. But the moment you turn to the first page and begin reading, youāre immediately pulled in.
The writing is crisp and immersive, the kind that hooks you effortlessly. Within moments, youāre completely lost in the world of the book, eyes darting across the pages, flipping to the next before you even realize it. The characters are compelling, the descriptions vivid, and the dialogue sharp. You can already tell this is going to be one of those stories that sticksāthe kind that lingers in the back of your mind long after youāve finished. Just as you reach a particularly interesting part, your phone buzzes.
You blink, momentarily disoriented before glancing at the screen. Itās a reminder you set for yourself. Right. You still need to study. A sigh escapes you. As much as you want to keep reading, you know you canāt afford to waste too much time. With some reluctance, you close the book and stand up, making your way toward the borrowing counter. You check it out quickly, securing it in your bag, already planning when youāll carve out time to read it between your study sessions. Itās something to look forward to, at least. And if you had known just who had been the last person to check it out before you, maybe you wouldnāt be so eager.
ā
The ringer from your Pomodoro timer goes off, its sharp chime cutting through the quiet of your dorm room. With a sigh, you drop your pencil onto your open notebook, rolling your shoulders back as you stretch in your seat, feeling the slight stiffness from hours of hunching over your desk. Lazily glancing at the glowing numbers on your laptop screen, a small grin tugs at the corners of your lips.
Four hours of focused work.
Good. Youāve finally finished studying for the night, trudging through a mountain of tricky concepts and endless equationsājust enough to ensure youāll keep up with the next few lectures before the actual final exam looms over you. The weight of the work youāve put in settles in a satisfying way, a quiet reassurance that youāre keeping up. Yawning, you grab your phone, thumbing through a few unopened texts, sending half-hearted replies where needed.
Your mind is already half-tuned out, already drifting toward what you actually want to do now that your responsibilities are out of the way for the night. Pushing yourself up from your chair, you shuffle toward your bed, sinking into the softness of your mattress with a pleased sigh. And then, with an eager flicker of excitement, you reach for the borrowed library book resting on your side table, fingers running over the slightly worn edges of the cover.
Finally.
Opening it to the page you had left off, you settle deeper into the blankets, eyes scanning the words slowly, absorbing every detail. The prose is effortless, pulling you into the world woven between the lines. The atmosphere is rich, each description vivid and carefully placed, the characters full of depth. Thereās a certain feeling you get when a book is just rightāsomething that clicks into place, the rare kind of story that makes the outside world blur at the edges. You donāt rush through it.
You savor every word, taking in the dialogue, the intricate details of the setting, the careful unraveling of the plot. Then, just as you shift slightly, readjusting your grip, a small slip of paper flutters from between the pages. You blink, momentarily pulled from the trance of the story, watching as it lands lightly on your blanket.
Frowning, you reach for it, fingers brushing against the slightly yellowed, aged texture of the paper. Itās rectangular, not quite as thick as a regular bookmark, with neat printed lines running across it in faded ink.
A borrowing card.
You stare at it for a second, a vague memory surfacing. Back during your university orientation in first year, you remember a librarian offhandedly mentioning that some of the older books in the collection still had checkout cards inside them, relics from a time before everything became digitized. But since youād only ever borrowed course-related booksāones that were constantly replaced with new editionsāyouād never actually come across one. Huh.Ā
Your fingers trace the faded lines as you sit up slightly, eyes scanning the list of names scrawled across itā
Except⦠there are no names. Just one. Or rather, just a set of initials, written neatly in blue ink
G.S.
The date beside it is from a while ago, though not too long. But the strange thing is, itās the only entry on the entire card. You blink, flipping it over, checking the back. Nothing. So⦠no one else has borrowed this book? You hesitate, gripping the card a little tighter. Youāre supposed to write your name down now, right? Thatās how these things work. Itās a log of borrowers. But thenāwhy had this person only written their initials?
A weird feeling stirs in your chest. Not unease, exactlyājust something you canāt put a name to. Itās probably nothing. Maybe this book just wasnāt that popular. The only reason you found it was because of some obscure online guide, after all. Maybe no one really checked it out over the years, and the one person who did just didnāt feel like writing their full name.
Shaking your head, you push the thought aside, grabbing a pen from your nightstand. Without thinking too much about it, you write your own name neatly beneath G.S., along with todayās date. Then, you tuck the card back into its place and return to your book, letting yourself sink back into the story. A few more pages in, about a quarter of the way through the book, your eyes catch something that makes your brow furrow.
Are those⦠scribbles?
Your annoyance flares up immediately. Who the hell desecrates a library book? Itās practically sacrilegious. Your fingers tighten slightly around the spine as you bring the book closer to inspect the crime against literature, fully prepared to be enragedā
Wait.
Theyāre not just random scribbles. Theyāre annotations.
Your irritation dims slightly, curiosity piqued as you squint to make out the neat, slightly slanted cursive handwriting running along the margins. Some words are underlined, a few sentences circled, and in a crisp blue ink, a note is scrawled beside a particularly tense conversation between two characters:
āI can just tell heās gonna be the one dead first. Heās overreacting to everything.ā
You blink. Then, despite yourself, a small giggle escapes. Becauseāokayāwhoever wrote this isnāt wrong. You literally thought the same thing just a few moments ago. As much as you love a good, well-written novel, youāve read enough books in your life to recognise the telltale signs of an early death flag. And this character? Heās practically begging to be taken out of the story. Your amusement lingers as you scan the page again, eyes flitting to more scribbles running alongside the printed words.
"God, she sounds so insufferable."
You smirk a little at that, suppressing a chuckle.
"I like this lineāthe quote kinda speaks to me."
Your gaze follows the arrow pointing toward a particularly well-crafted piece of dialogue. Huh. You actually like that line too.
"I take the previous statement backāno way did he say that entire motivational monologue just for him to throw his morals aside..."
A small, surprised laugh escapes you. You love when characters do this kind of thingāspend pages waxing poetic about their grand principles, only to completely toss them out the window at the first sign of trouble. Itās frustrating, but also wildly entertaining, and you find yourself nodding unconsciously in agreement.
You shift slightly, adjusting your grip on the book as your initial annoyance starts to morph into something elseāsomething you donāt want to admit is enjoyment. Because as much as you usually hate unnecessary markings in books, these annotations donāt feel disruptive.
They feel⦠engaging. Like youāre reading with someone. Itās a strange feelingāan unexpected, quiet kind of companionship in the margins of the book. You scan ahead, flipping a few pages forward, wondering if this mystery annotatorāG.S., you assumeāhas left their thoughts scattered throughout the entire book.
Oh. They have.Ā Almost every page has at least something scribbled in the margins. Some annotations are sarcastic, others incredulous. A few are simple observations or predictions about the plot, and some are just random, dramatic reactions that make you snort.
"Oh my GOD, just kiss already!"
You huff out an amused breath, shaking your head.
"He is so painfully oblivious itās almost impressive."
Honestly, you were thinking the same thing. Before you realize it, youāve started reading out loudānot the annotations, but the actual book. Itās something you do sometimes when youāre alone, when a scene is particularly well-written or emotional. And now, with G.S.ās thoughts scattered alongside the text, it almost feels like youāre having a conversation with them. Like theyāre some ghostly presence in the book, reacting alongside you in real time.
You catch yourself before you say something back to one of the notes.
Which is insane. Because this is just a random personās handwriting in a library book. And yetā
You exhale through your nose, fingers absentmindedly tracing the edge of the page. You kind of⦠want to know who they are. Who is G.S.? Because if their annotations are anything to go by, they have the exact same thoughts as you while reading. The same exasperation, the same eye-roll-worthy observations, the same appreciation for the well-crafted lines. And you canāt help but wonderājust who was sitting with this same book in their hands, reading the same words, thinking the same things? Itās an odd, fleeting curiosity, but you push it aside for now, shaking your head as you turn the page.
You settle deeper into your blankets, the book resting comfortably in your hands as you turn the page. The words on the paper blur slightly in the dim light of your bedside lamp, but you donāt mindāyouāre too immersed now, drawn into both the story and the unexpected presence of G.S. in the margins. The next chapter begins, and you take a slow breath before diving in, eyes flicking between the printed text and the handwritten notes.
"Oh, I just know this is going to go terribly."
You glance at the line itās referencingāa scene where the protagonist makes a bold, arguably reckless decision. Yeah, G.S. is probably right. A few more pages pass. The tension in the book rises, and youāre so absorbed that you nearly miss the next annotation.
"There it is. The classic āstaring at the moon in emotional turmoilā scene. Authors love this one."
You snort. Okay, but theyāre right. You tilt your head, momentarily pausing your reading to stare at the note. Itās a little strange, this dynamic youāve somehow fallen into with a complete stranger. You feel like you know them, or at least, their reading habits. Their humor. The way they react to the exact same things that pull at your attention. It's unsettling in a way thatās not entirely unpleasant. You flip forward, skimming ahead to see if the notes continueāand they do.
"I KNEW IT. I CALLED IT. HEāS A TRAITOR."
You blink, pausing mid-sentence. Your gaze darts back to the text, where a major plot twist has just been revealed. Your mouth parts slightly, rereading the words to make sure youāre seeing them correctly. Damn. You did not see that coming.
You exhale, a small smirk tugging at your lips. Fine. Point to you, G.S. You keep reading, now almost waiting for the next annotation, like itās a second voice in your head providing commentary as you go. And when the protagonist makes another questionable decisionā
"Why are men in fiction like this?"
āyou laugh, shaking your head. It continues like that for pages. Every now and then, G.S. 's notes make you chuckle, or nod in agreement, or roll your eyes because come on, that was an obvious metaphor. And as much as you want to be annoyed by the interruptions, you find yourself⦠enjoying it. Maybe even liking it. At some point, you shift your position, getting more comfortable against your pillows, completely absorbed. The words feel alive, and not just the printed ones, but the ones scribbled in blue ink alongside them. Itās a conversation you never expected to haveāone separated by time, by anonymity, by the unlikelihood of ever knowing who G.S. is. Your fingers brush over the ink of the annotations, slightly faded but still legible. Thinking back to the date listed on the library card from quite a while ago, you wonder if G.S. has even thought about this book since then. Or if theyāve forgotten about it entirely. You stare at the letters for a moment longer before shaking your head, pushing away the odd sensation curling at the back of your mind.
Itās just a book. Just some random personās annotations. It doesnāt mean anything.
A reminder notification pops up on your phoneāone youād set earlier to keep your study schedule in check. You sigh. Right. You should get some sleep soon. Reluctantly, you close the book, running your fingers over the cover one last time before placing it on your nightstand. Youāll finish it laterābetween classes, between assignments, between all the little gaps in your schedule where you can steal a moment to read. And maybe, youāll keep an eye out. Because now, you kind of want to know if G.S. ever came back for this book.
ā
By the time your next Physics lecture rolls around, youāve already finished the first book in the series. It had consumed your nights, pulling you in with its immersive world-building and gripping storylineābut, if you were being honest, the experience had been made infinitely more enjoyable because of the annotations left behind in the margins. The presence of another reader, someone who had walked the same narrative path as you and left breadcrumbs of their thoughts along the way, had made the book feel less like a solitary escape and more like a shared secret. So, naturally, when you stride into class that morning, youāre already prepared to discuss it at length with your friend.
What you arenāt prepared for is Gojo Satoru.
Not that you ever are, really. He has a habit of making his presence known, like some self-appointed force of nature existing solely to get under your skin. And today is no differentāhe walks past you with an easy, sauntering gait, the kind thatās deliberately slow enough to be obnoxious. Thereās a telltale smirk tugging at his lips, the glint of mischief in his strikingly bright eyes as he leans in, as if heās about to say something insufferable just to throw off your morning. You pretend not to see him.
Your willful ignorance must be obvious because you hear him scoff under his breath as he passes by, but you donāt give him the satisfaction of looking.
Instead, you beeline toward the row where your friend is already seated, setting your bag down with an eager bounce in your step.
āDude,ā you start, flipping open your laptop with a flourish, āremember that book I told you about a few weeks back?ā Your friend raises a brow. āThe one from that super niche book guide you were raving about?ā
āThe very same one,ā you confirm, barely able to contain your excitement. āI finally finished it, and oh my god, it was so good. The plot? Phenomenal. The pacing? Perfect. But you know what actually made it even better?āĀ
You donāt notice the way Gojo hesitates just as heās about to settle into the seat behind you. He freezes, fingers hovering above the keyboard of his laptop as his ears zero in on your conversation.
āYou found another book to obsess over?ā Your friend teases, but you shake your head fervently.
āNo, no, listen,ā you insist, your voice lowering slightly as you lean in, āsomeone left annotations in it.āĀ
Satoruās fingers twitch.
āYou mean like, study notes?ā
āNo! Like, actual thoughtsācomments, reactions, opinions. And not just boring analytical stuff, either. They were funny. Snarky. They made fun of the characters at the exact moments I wanted to. It was like reading the book with someone, you know?ā
A very distinct, yet invisible, sense of dread creeps into Gojoās chest.
Oh. Oh, shit. The annotations. He had completely forgotten about those. He had scrawled them in the margins ages agoāmostly on a whim, partly out of boredom, and entirely because he physically could not read a book in silence. If there was one thing Gojo Satoru was incapable of, it was shutting the fuck up, even when he was the only audience for his own commentary. So, naturally, when he had found himself enjoying the book way more than expected, he had started treating it like a private conversation with himself, writing down whatever thoughts came to mind.
He never expected anyone to see them. And now, sitting barely a foot away, heās listening to youāof all peopleāexcitedly gush about his stupid little scribbles, completely oblivious to the fact that the person you were praising, the one whose humor you found entertaining and whose insights you had agreed with, was him. He schools his expression, keeping his head tilted just enough to appear disinterested. But his ears are wide open.
āWhoever wrote those notes,ā you continue, flipping your pen between your fingers, āhad some serious opinions. And honestly? I kind of love them. Like, I think we have the same brain.ā
Satoru presses his lips together, biting back a grin.
You? Agreeing with him? That was new.Ā
Your friend hums. āSo youāre basically having a book club with some anonymous person who read it before you?ā You chuckle. āI mean⦠kinda? Itās weird, but itās nice in a way. Like, usually when I read, itās just me and the book. But with the annotations, itās like thereās this extra layer of interaction. I get to see how someone else processed the story, how they reacted to the same moments I did.ā
Satoru knows he should stop listening. He should. But he doesnāt.
Because something about this whole situationāthe fact that you, of all people, had unknowingly connected with him through a bookāhas him equal parts amused and intrigued. You, who always huffed when he teased you. You, who rolled your eyes at his antics, who made a point to ignore him even though he knew you were hyper-aware of his presence.
You had spent nights poring over words he had written in passing. And you had liked them. God, if you knew, youād probably strangle him on the spot.
āI actually wanna see if this person has read the rest of the series,ā you muse, mostly to yourself. āLike, maybe they annotated other books too.āĀ
Satoru exhales through his nose, staring at his laptop screen but not actually registering anything on it. Well. This was going to be interesting.
ā
You make your way to the library once again, the first book of the series clutched in your hands, ready to be returned. It feels weird, parting with it. As if youāre saying goodbye to something that had, for the past week, been a quiet companion during your late-night reading sessions. But not to worry, thereās still like five more books in the series. Your steps slow slightly as you approach the return counter, fingers absently reaching into your bagās open pocket for a pen. Without much thought, you flip open the book and scrawl the date of return onto the inside of the back cover, where the borrowing card is located. Your thumb absentmindedly drags across the faded blue ink of the initials scrawled in the row above where youāve signed your name.Ā
G.S.
Whoever they were, they had made your reading experience infinitely better with their wry, sarcastic observations and strangely thoughtful insights. It was like reading alongside a particularly sharp-witted friendāone who, frustratingly, was just out of reach. Youāre lost in thought, mulling over the mystery of G.S., when you abruptly walk straight into something firm and unmoving. And warm.
Something that smells like sandalwood and fresh linen and something inexplicably, irritatingly familiar.
You barely have time to stagger back before a voiceādeep, lazy, and dripping with its usual brand of smugnessādrawls, āMy, my, pretending to walk around with your nose in a book so people think youāre more studious than you actually are?ā
Your stomach sinks. You do not have the patience for this right now.
āFuck off, Satoru,ā you mutter, not even looking at him as you try to sidestep. Predictably, he moves right in front of you again, blocking your path with that insufferable ease of his. Hands in the pockets of his impeccably tailored slacks, sleeves of a stupidly expensive cashmere sweater pushed up to reveal the sharp line of his wrists and veiny forearms, and his ever-present glasses glinting under the dim library lightsāhe looks as if he owns the place.
His head tilts, white hair falling slightly over his frames as he glances down at the book in your hands. That smileāall teeth and smugnessāspreads across his face like heās caught you in something scandalous.
āOh? Reading a book that isnāt course-related? Scandalous. What happened, got bored of being a try-hard? Or are you just begging to score lower than me on the final?ā He exhales dramatically, shaking his head. āTsk, tsk. Not that Iād expect you to actually be on my level, but itās cute that you tryāā
You stop listening after that. Normally, youād throw something equally sharp-tongued back at him, tell him to go get hit by a bus or something equally creative, but youāre too drained to bother. The exhaustion from back-to-back lectures, plus the fact that you havenāt eaten anything substantial today, has dulled the sharp edges of your patience. A dull ache pounds at the base of your skull, and every word out of his mouth makes it throb even harder. Your expression must give away more than you intend because, for a split second, Gojo falters.
Itās quickābarely there. But you see it.
A flicker of something almost resembling concern flashes behind his glasses, like heās actually noticed how drained you look. The moment is gone before you can process it. His usual smug expression slides right back into place, and you donāt have the energy to care.
āI need to return this,ā you say flatly. āGet out of my way.ā
Instead of stepping aside like a normal person, he falls into step beside you, hands still lazily stuffed in his pockets. āOh? So now you acknowledge my presence,ā he muses, voice light. āWhat, you didnāt miss me in class today? I even waited for you to roll your eyes at me like you do every morning. Felt almost lonely without it.ā
āI genuinely do not care,ā you reply without looking at him. He presses a hand to his chest as if wounded. āOuch. Someoneās moody today. Low blood sugar? On your period? Brain finally given up trying to keep up with mine?āĀ
You donāt dignify that with a response, instead sliding the book into the return pile with a little more force than necessary. Gojo watches, his gaze flickering between you and the book.
āWhat book were you returning, anyway?ā The question is so casual, so offhanded, that you almost donāt clock it as strange. Almost. You narrow your eyes at him. āDidnāt take you for someone interested in my life.ā
His lips curl into something unbearably smug. āOh, Iām not.ā He rocks back on his heels, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. āI just like knowing what my rival is up to outside of class. You know, studying your weaknesses. Gathering intel. The usual.āĀ
You stare at him. āYou are so full of shit.ā
āI really am,ā he agrees cheerfully. You exhale through your nose, patience wearing thinner by the second. āShouldnāt you be off somewhere being a general public nuisance?ā
āThis is me being a general public nuisance.ā He grins. āAnd youāre the lucky victim of the day.ā
āGod, I hate you.ā
āAww, thatās cute. But you should be honest with yourself,ā he says, following you as you make your way toward the exit. āI think youād miss me if I suddenly disappeared.ā
āAbsolutely not.ā
āYou so would.ā
āI would thrive in your absence.ā
Gojo makes an exaggerated show of wiping away an imaginary tear. āHow cruel. And here I was, thinking we had something special.ā
You push open the library doors, stepping out into the crisp afternoon air. Finally, freedom. But, of course, Gojo keeps following you.
āā¦Why are you still here?ā you ask, tiredly. He hums. āDunno. Walking this way.ā
āYou donāt even know where Iām going.ā
āExactly,ā he says, grinning. āA mystery. How exciting.ā You consider throwing your bag at him. You settle for walking faster. You quicken your pace, hoping Gojo will get bored and wander off. He doesnāt. Of course he doesnāt. He easily keeps up with you, long legs making it effortless, his stupid grin never fading.
You give him a deadpan look. āYes, Satoru. Thatās exactly what Iām doing. Weāre all going to sit in a circle and ritually sharpen our pencils while whispering incantations about final exams.ā He gasps dramatically. āI knew it. I bet you have a shrine dedicated to good grades too. And, like, a little altar where you sacrifice people who get higher scores than youāā
āI donāt need to sacrifice anyone,ā you cut in, dryly. āBecause I get the highest scores.ā His grin widens. āNot all of them.ā
You bristle, and he knows it. You both know that you and Gojo have been locked in a constant academic battle since the semester started. Itās maddening how often you end up in the top two spots. Even more maddening that he acts like he doesnāt even try. You exhale slowly, trying to focus on literally anything else. āIām going to get food. Why donāt you go fuck off somewhere, like, I donāt know, ruin someone elseās day?āĀ
āYou wound me with such crass language,ā he says, clutching his chest like you physically struck him. āIām just being a good friend.ā
āYouāre not my friend.ā
āWow.ā He sighs dramatically, as if genuinely offended. āAll this time weāve spent together, and you still call us enemies? Iād like to think of us more as⦠frenemies.ā
āI would like to think of us as strangers.ā
āAnd yet,ā he says, smirking, āyou still talk to me.ā
You roll your eyes. āOnly because you wonāt shut up.āĀ
āGetting a drink too?ā he asks, peering over your shoulder.
āWhy do you care?ā
āMaybe I wanna know what fuels my biggest competition,ā he says, tone exaggeratedly thoughtful. āWhatās the secret? Triple shot espresso? Pure willpower? The tears of your academic rivals?ā You give him a look. āYouāre projecting. You probably run on the suffering of others.ā
āObviously,ā he says easily. āBut I like to mix in a little sugar sometimes. Keeps me balanced and shit.ā Youāre about to tell him to go bother someone else when the barista glances up. āNext?ā You quickly place your order. Just as youāre about to pull out your wallet, Gojoās voice rings out:
āIāve got it.ā
Your head snaps toward him. āWhat.ā
āIām paying.ā You stare at him, genuinely baffled. āWhy?ā
He grins. āBecause Iām so generous, obviously.ā You narrow your eyes. āNo, really. Whatās the catch?ā
He puts a hand over his heart, feigning offense. āYou think Iād trick you? Iām hurt.ā
āYes.ā
Gojo just laughs and hands his card to the barista before you can argue further. You glare at him. āThis better not be some elaborate scheme to hold this over my head later.ā
āOh, it definitely is,ā he says cheerfully. āI plan to bring it up all the time.ā
āOf course you do.ā Your drinkā tea to be specificā is ready a moment later. Begrudgingly, you take it, mumbling, āThanks.ā Gojo gasps, eyes wide. āDid you just thank me?ā You exhale. āNever mind. I take it back.ā
āNo, no, itās too late, you already said it.ā He grins. āYou like me.ā
āI hate you.ā
āYou adore me.ā
āI tolerate you at best.ā Gojo sips his drink, looking entirely too pleased with himself. āThatās basically the same thing.ā You groan and turn to leave.
Thankfully he doesnāt make the move to follow you this time.
ā
Your⦠somewhat friendly interaction with SaāNo, Gojoāwas forgotten by the time the next week rolled around. Not deliberately, of course. But between your physics assignments, math problem sets, and an unrelenting pile of lecture notes to review, your brain had simply discarded the memory. College had a way of pushing everything that wasnāt directly necessary for survival to the furthest corners of your mind. Currently, you were in the library, hunched over a thick textbook, your fingers curled into your hair as you skimmed the same paragraph for what felt like the tenth time. Nothing was sticking.
You groaned, tilting your head back against the chair and letting your gaze drift to the high ceilings of the study space. It was quiet, save for the occasional rustle of pages and the rhythmic clicking of laptop keys. Your physics notes sat in front of you, covered in a desperate sprawl of formulas and diagrams, but the more you stared, the more meaningless the symbols became. You needed a break. Your eyes flickered toward the fiction section.
It wouldnāt hurt to get another book.
A moment later, you were standing in front of the shelves, fingers tracing the spines as you searched for the second book in the series. It didnāt take long to findāit was positioned neatly with the rest of the series, the cover slightly fading due to how long it had probably been there. As you turned to leave, your thumb brushed against the inside cover, where the borrowing card was located.
And there, scrawled in the same faded blue ink as before, were the initials:
G.S.
You paused. Your mystery commentator had been here before you. Again. You traced the letters absentmindedly, your mind flickering back to the first book. Their annotations had been witty, sometimes mocking, but always sharp. You had enjoyed themāmore than you expected.
You flipped to the borrowing card. G.S. had checked out this book multiple times. At least three dates next to their initials. A strange feeling settled in your chest. Who were they? You shook your head, pushing the thought aside as you made your way to the borrowing counter. It doesnāt matter. Itās just some random person. Still, as you returned to your study space, setting the book beside your untouched notes, your fingers itched to open it.
You triedāreally triedāto focus on physics. For maybe ten minutes. Then, with a sigh, you slid your textbook aside and cracked open the novel. This one picked up right where the last had left offāthe protagonist, an ambitious scholar, now forced into an uneasy alliance with a rogue historian, both of them hunting for a long-lost manuscript said to contain the secrets of the universe. Their journey took them through ancient libraries, shadowy alleyways, and grand halls of academia filled with intrigue and suspense that you thoroughly enjoyed.Ā
It wasnāt long before you noticed the annotations.
"What an idiot. Why would you trust someone who literally betrayed you three chapters ago?" You huffed a quiet laugh. It was scrawled in the margins of a tense conversation between the protagonist and the historian, who had indeed been suspiciously untrustworthy.
Another note, a few pages later: "This argument is painfully dumb. If they just communicated, we wouldnāt need three more chapters of tension." You found yourself smiling. Whoever this was, they were blunt, maybe a bit cynical, but entertaining.
Then, another annotation caught your attentionāthis one different. It was scribbled beside a passage where the protagonist was deciphering an ancient mathematical equation, trying to understand the patterns behind the manuscriptās code. The handwriting was just as casual, but the contentā
"This is basically just Fourier analysis but dressed up in fancy old-world academia. If the author actually wanted to be accurate, theyād at least mention waveforms. But nooo, we get poetic nonsense instead."
You blinked. That was⦠oddly specific. And not the kind of thing your average literature enthusiast would comment on. For a fleeting second, you wonderedā
Does G.S. study physics?
The thought was strange, lingering in the back of your mind even as you continued reading. Minutes turned into hours. Slowly, students trickled out of the library. The rustling of papers faded, the soft murmur of whispered conversations disappearing into the silence of the near-empty study space. You didnāt notice.
Not until the overhead lights dimmed slightly, signaling that the library was closing soon. With a sigh, you shut the book, stretching your stiff limbs. Physics could wait a little longer.
ā
A few days later, you found yourself in yet another grueling lecture. The classroom was buzzing with low chatter as students filtered in, some sleep-deprived, some over-caffeinated, and most looking like theyād rather be anywhere else. You were somewhere in the middleātired but functional, flipping through your notes with half-hearted interest as you tried to prepare yourself for another two-hour session of mathematical physics. You adjusted your laptop screen, took a sip of your tea, and just as you settled in, you felt a presence.
A familiar, irritating presence.Ā
āMorning, rival,ā Gojo Satoru said cheerfully, dropping into the seat next to you with all the grace of an avalanche. You didnāt even look up. āGo away.ā
He tsked. āIs that any way to greet your favorite classmate?ā
āYouāre not my favorite classmate.ā He grinned, propping his chin on one hand.
āDonāt lie. Youād miss me if I wasnāt here to make class interesting.ā
You ignored him, resolutely staring at your notes. The professor arrived a moment later, quickly settling into the dayās topicāwave equations and their applications. The discussion meandered through standard examples, Fourier transforms, and the different methods used to break down complex waveforms.
You barely registered the name of the theoryājust a fleeting recognition of something familiarābefore you were back to jotting down notes. At first, you were focused, diligently taking notes and absorbing the information. For the first thirty minutes, you managed to avoid paying him any attention. You scribbled down notes, underlined important formulas, and even managed to listen without feeling the urge to slam your head into the desk.
But thenāof courseāGojo had to open his mouth.
āSo, hypothetically,ā he mused, voice carrying just enough to be heard by the surrounding students, āif we were to apply this to a broader model, say⦠nonlinear oscillations, wouldnāt that meanāā
You immediately frowned. He was already trying to sound smarter than he was.
āThatās not how that works,ā you cut in before the professor could even acknowledge him. Gojo turned to you, looking far too entertained. āYeah, it is.ā
āNo, it isnāt.ā You shifted in your seat, twisting to face him fully. āYou canāt just apply Fourier analysis wherever you want and expect the results to be useful. Nonlinear oscillations donāt break down the same way because of the introduction of chaotic behaviorāā
āOh, come on,ā Gojo scoffed, waving a hand. āItās not that deep. Sure, chaotic elements make things messier, but that doesnāt mean the framework is useless.ā
You let out a sharp breath. āIt means the entire assumption of the analysis changes. You canāt approximate a nonlinear system with linear components and expect the results to hold upāā
āYou can if you use a perturbative approach,ā he countered smoothly.
You almost growled. āA perturbative approach only works when the nonlinear term is small relative to the linear system. If the nonlinearities dominate, your entire model collapses.ā
āNot always,ā Gojo shot back, shifting in his seat with that insufferable smirk. āIt depends on how well you construct the higher-order termsāā
You threw your hands up. āAt that point, you might as well scrap Fourier analysis entirely and just use a different decomposition method!ā A few students had stopped taking notes. Some were watching out of curiosity; others, out of sheer amusement.
Gojo, completely unbothered, shrugged. āBut that wasnāt the question, was it? The point is that Fourier methods can still be useful, even if the system isnāt perfectly linearāā
You gritted your teeth. āUseful doesnāt mean accurate, dumbass.ā Gojo gasped dramatically. āDid you just call me a dumbass? Right here? In front of our professor?ā
āMaybe I wouldnāt have to if you stopped saying objectively incorrect thingsāā
āOh, please,ā he drawled, leaning back in his seat. āYouāre just mad because Iām right.ā
Your jaw clenched. āYouāre not right.ā
āI am right.ā
āNo, youāreāā
A loud cough. You both froze. Slowly, you turned toward the front of the room, where the professor was staring at you both, unamused.
"Would you two care to bring your literary debate outside of my physics class?" You swallowed. Gojo scratched the back of his neck, looking entirely unbothered.
"...No, sir."
"Good," the professor said flatly. "Then kindly stop interrupting the lesson." You resisted the urge to sink into your chair. Gojo, of course, had the audacity to look amused. As the lecture resumed, you shot him a glare.
"This is your fault."Ā
He winked. You swore you were going to strangle him one day. As soon as class ended, you were out of your seat, shoving your laptop into your bag with slightly more force than necessary. Behind you, Gojo was taking his sweet time, stretching like he hadnāt just spent the past two hours actively making your life worse. āMan,ā he sighed dramatically. āThat was a great discussion, donāt you think? Nothing like a little intellectual sparring to keep the brain sharpāā
You spun around so fast he almost bumped into you. āDiscussion?ā you repeated incredulously. āThat wasnāt a discussion, that was you talking out of your ass like usual.ā
Gojo placed a hand over his heart, feigning offense. āWow. You wound me. You know, I feel like I say that phrase a lot. Would you prefer it if I said thee painfully wrench mine own heart with such careless wordsāā
You rolled your eyes and stormed out of the lecture hall, weaving through the crowd of students. Of course he followed, long strides easily keeping pace with yours. āIām just saying,ā he continued, completely ignoring your clear irritation, āitās kind of funny how you always shoot me down but never actually prove me wrongāā
Your jaw clenched. āI do prove you wrong. Every time.āĀ
He smirked. āDo you, though?ā
āYes!ā You turned on your heel, walking backward so you could glare at him properly. āJust because you talk like you know everything doesnāt mean you actually doāā
Gojoās smirk widened. āSo you do think I sound smart.ā Your eye twitched.
āThatās not what I said.ā
āSounds like thatās what you said.ā
āGo kill yourself.ā
āOnly if you join me, sweets.ā
āDonāt call me that!ā
āWhy, you donāt like being called sweets?āā
You groaned, turning back around and quickening your pace. You werenāt going to stand here and let him twist your words into whatever self-indulgent nonsense was brewing in his head. Gojo, naturally, kept up with ease. āYou know, itās weird how you always get so mad at me. Maybe you should work on that anger problem of yours.ā
āOh, I have an anger problem?ā You spun around again, narrowing your eyes. āYouāre literally the most aggravating person Iāve ever met.ā
āReally?ā He tilted his head in mock thought. āI dunno, you seem to get pretty riled up over nothingāā
āYou are nothing.ā
Gojo laughed, the sound bright and infuriatingly genuine. āDamn, that was actually kinda good. You been practicing comebacks in the mirror?ā
āLeave me alone, for the love of god, before I strangle you, bastardāā
āOooh, kinkyā.ā
Before you could actually commit violence, someone stepped between you. āAlright, enough,ā a smooth, tired voice interrupted. You looked up to see Suguru Geto, Gojoās ever-patient best friend, standing between you with the exasperation of a man who had dealt with this before.
āSatoru,ā he said, dragging a hand down his face, āleave her alone.āĀ
Gojo pouted. āBut we were bonding.ā
āWe were not bonding,ā you snapped. Suguru gave you a knowing look. āAnd you,ā he sighed, āstop encouraging him.ā
You scoffed. āEncouraging him? Iāā
A hand suddenly clamped down on your shoulder. You glanced up to see your own friend standing beside you, looking just as exasperated as Suguru. āCome on,ā she muttered, tugging you away. āWeāre going to lunch before you actually try to kill him.ā You didnāt resist, only because the temptation was strong. But as you turned to leave, you caught a glimpse of Gojo flashing that stupid, insufferable grin at you.
You stuck your tongue out at him. Gojo only winked again in response. Why did he keep winking at you? It made you wanna puke. You definitely needed lunch. Maybe something very, very spicy.
ā
You're sitting in your dorm again, cross-legged on your bed, laptop open in front of you, but your mind is elsewhere. The textbooks and notes are pushed to the side of your desk, proof that at some point you had every intention of being productive tonight. A third empty cup of tea is perched precariously on your nightstand, and the finished second and third books of the series stacked besides your laptop.Ā
It had been a slow burn, working your way through them between lectures and study sessions, but now, the empty feeling of finishing a book you enjoyed is settling in. Worse yet, it's late at night, which means you can't borrow the fourth book until tomorrow. The thought alone makes you sigh as you shut your laptop and flop back against the pillows.
You flipped open the third book, fingers brushing over the slightly worn borrowing card tucked inside. The neat, slanted initials āG.S.ā were there again, written in blue ink. And just like before, the pages had been marked with the same sharp, and sometimes frustratingly perceptive annotations that had made you laugh, scoff, and evenāon some particularly well-argued pointsābegrudgingly nod along. Your mind drifts, replaying some of your favorite annotations from the books.
There was the one where G.S. had written, "Oh, he's totally gonna betray them," followed by a later note that read, "I CALLED IT. WHEREāS MY PRIZE?" That one had made you laugh out loud in the middle of the library, earning a few disapproving stares. Another one of your other favorites from the third book had been an annotation scrawled in the margins of a pivotal scene:
āThe irony of this moment is almost painful. She sees herself as the heroine, but the real tragedy is that sheās just another character in someone elseās story.ā
You had reread that line about five times before closing the book and staring at the ceiling, feeling somewhat existential. Another annotation had been pure sarcasm:
āYes, because when faced with adversity, the best solution is always to run directly into danger. Genius.ā That one had also made you laugh out loud in one of the study halls located in some part of your university, earning a weird look from the girl across the hall. But the annotation that had really stuck with youāreally made you pauseāwas in the third book, written in response to a section that delved into the intricacies of time and choice:
āIf you think about it, this entire dilemma can be broken down into a fundamental question of physics. If time is just another dimension, then isnāt every choice we make just another coordinate on an already-existing map? So is it really āfree willā if weāre just tracing a path thatās already there?ā
That one had thrown you for a loop. It was the kind of thought that lingered, weaving its way into quiet moments when you least expected it. And, you hated to admit, it made you thinkāwhoever this person was, they were kind of brilliant.You sighed, snapping the book shut. You needed to get the fourth one. Now. But a quick glance at your phone reminded you that it was almost midnight, and the library had closed hours ago. You groaned, letting your head submerge deeper into the pillows. You grabbed your phone, scrolling mindlessly, until your eyes flicked to the messages her friend had sent earlierārecommendations for movies sheād been meaning to watch. You scrolled absentmindedly, not really expecting to find anything interesting, until your thumb hovered over one title:
Whisper of the Heart.
Something about the name tugged at your memory. Wasnāt this the one with the girl who loved books and a mysterious boy who shared them? On a whim, you pressed play. The soft hum of the opening scene filled the quiet of her dorm, and soon, you were drawn in. The gentle storytelling, the warmth of the animation, the way the main character, Shizuku, slowly became obsessed with the name written in all the books she borrowedā
Oh. Oh, shit.
Your face grew hot as you sat up straighter, eyes darting to the books stacked beside you. You weren't doing that. Right?
ā¦Were you? Because if you really thought about itāif you really thought about itāwerenāt you kind of doing the same thing? You buried your face in your hands. This is so embarrassing. And yet, as you peeked between her fingers at the screen, you couldnāt help but draw the comparison between Seiji Amasawa and your mysterious, faceless G.S. Seiji had been intriguing, a presence felt long before he actually appeared. Just a name scribbled in books, a person she hadnāt met yet but somehow felt connected to. And wasnāt that exactly what G.S. was?
You groaned, flopping back onto your bed, kicking your feet against the mattress. āI need to stop,ā you mumbled into your pillow, but your shoulders shook with barely contained laughter. It was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. You didnāt even know this person. For all you knew, G.S. could be some forty-year-old professor or a girl who just happened to find the same series as you on the niche book guide you were on. And yet, there was this tiny, ridiculous, completely unserious part of you that wanted to believeā
What if it was some guy? A guy with sharp wit, someone who thought deeply about things most people glossed over, someone who liked this series enough to leave behind thoughts for others to find. A guy whoā No. Nope. Nope. You were not about to mentally script herself into some shoujo romance anime over marginalia.
But the damage was done. Because now, your brain had latched onto the idea, spinning daydreams faster than you could stop them. Some dramatic, cinematic first meeting. Some passing moment where youād reach for a book, and a handāslender fingers, ink-stained maybeāwould brush against yours, and youād look up andā
You shot up again, shaking your head violently. God, this is pathetic. But even as you scolded herself, you couldnāt wipe the stupid little smile off your face. You were allowed to have a little fun, right? Just a tiny bit of harmless romanticising? You collapsed back into the pillows, eyes drifting back to the ceiling as the movie played on. And as Shizukuās voice echoed through the room, musing about stories, destiny, and the people we stumble upon by chance, you thoughtājust for a secondāMaybe, maybe, you kind of liked this. The idea of it all. The way life sometimes felt like a story waiting to unfold. Maybe itās silly, maybe itās unrealisticābut right now, in the quiet of your dorm, with the soft glow of your laptop screen and the remnants of Whisper of the Heart playing in the background, you donāt really care.
ā
Satoru Gojo had always been considered a prodigy. A genius. Someone born with an innate brilliance that set him apart from others. It had been that way since he was a childāwhere other kids had to struggle and study, he breezed through school without breaking a sweat. It wasnāt just academics, either. He was quick-witted, sharp, and effortlessly charming in a way that made people gravitate toward him. But when you grow up with everyone expecting greatness from you, it becomes suffocating.Ā
So he learned to play the fool.
It started as a maskābeing overly cheery, always teasing, never taking things too seriously. It was easier that way. No one could see the weight of expectations if he always had a grin on his face. And at some point, the mask became second nature. Satoru Gojo, the carefree, insufferable genius. The only person he could ever drop it around was Suguru. His best friend, the one person who could keep up with him, who understood what it meant to carry something too heavy to put into words. Then, freshman year of university, he saw you.
He had noticed you beforeāhow could he not? You were diligent, meticulous in a way that fascinated him. You always sat at the front of the class, always had color-coded notes, always took everything so seriously. And maybe that was what caught his attention first. You were everything he wasnāt. Where he coasted through life, you worked hard for it. And for the first time in a long time, he didnāt quite know how to communicate with someone. So he did what he always did. He teased.
āThe perpendicular components of a vector are independent of each other,ā youād answered smoothly, sitting up a little straighter as you prepared to elaborate. āThatās why we can analyse them separately usingāā
āOhhh, wow,ā he cut in, voice dripping with mock wonder. āLook at that. We got a genius in the house.ā He had meant it playfully. A joke. But the way your expression hardened, the way your eyes flickered with irritation, made something click in his brain. You didnāt like him. And yet, he couldnāt stop teasing you. Even when he knew it annoyed you, even when he knew you hated him. Maybe it was because you challenged him. Maybe it was because, for once, someone didnāt look at him like he was untouchable. Or maybe it was because he liked you.
Not just because you were prettyāthough you were, infuriatingly soābut because you were determined. Because you cared about things deeply. Because you fascinated him in a way nothing else did. He found himself watching you more often than he cared to admit. The way you bit your lip when you were concentrating, the way your eyes lit up when you finally understood something, the way you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear when you were nervous when results came out. It was all so... endearing.
And maybe thatās why he finds himself watching you sometimesāwhen youāre scribbling furiously in your notebook, when youāre biting the end of your pen in deep thought, when youāre rolling your eyes at something he says but still, still responding. He watches, because for the first time, someone makes him want to understand more than just equations and theories. And if the only way to keep your attention was by being your rival, then so be it.
ā
The next morning, you had a practical class, a hands-on session designed to reinforce the theory youād been learning. Since it was held in a laboratory, students were sorted into small groups to share lab tables. Unfortunatelyāor fortunately, depending on how you looked at itāyou werenāt grouped with Satoru, but by some cruel twist of fate, his group was at the same table as yours. The setup was simple: four students per group, two groups per table.
A long, clean expanse of black lab benches stretched across the room, each one covered with neatly arranged equipment: a set of metal ramps, photogates, a timer, and a set of small carts. Todayās experiment was a classic: measuring acceleration using a motion sensor. Each group was supposed to release a cart down a ramp and use the photogates to measure velocity changes over time. Simple, right? Satoru, of course, had already started causing trouble before the experiment even began.
āYou know, itās kinda unfair that I wasnāt put in your group,ā he mused, leaning against the lab bench with a smirk. āWouldāve been fun watching you pretend to know more than me.ā You didnāt even look up as you adjusted the height of the ramp, focusing on making sure it was aligned properly. āOh please, Gojo, you wouldāve just copied all my calculations and then taken credit for my hard work.ā
āI wouldnāt do that,ā he said, feigning offense. āIād let you take, like, fifty percent of the credit.ā Your lab partner snorted beside you, shaking their head as they double-checked the photogate placement. Satoru, undeterred, watched as you bent over to place the cart at the starting position. His group was still setting up, which meant he had time to bother you before he actually had to do any work.
āI bet my groupās results will be more accurate than yours,ā he declared. You rolled your eyes, finally sparing him a glance. āYou do know accuracy depends on precision and minimising errors, right? Which meansāā you motioned to his group, where one of them was currently struggling with the timer, āāyour chances of that happening are slim to none.āĀ
Before he could retort, your professor called for everyoneās attention, signalling the start of the experiment. Both of you fell into your respective tasks, measuring, calculating, and recording values with practiced ease. You got so caught up in fine-tuning your results that Satoru didnāt get the chance to throw more taunts your way. That was until, while waiting for your next trial to begin, you turned to your friend beside you, excitement bubbling over.
āOh my god, I finally watched Whisper of the Heart last night,ā you gushed, voice dropping into that high-pitched, dreamy tone reserved for things you were completely obsessed with. Your friend gasped, clutching your arm. āStop. You did not.ā
āI did.ā
āDID YOU CRY?ā
āOBVIOUSLY.āĀ
Satoru, who had been focused on adjusting his groupās ramp, stilled slightly. He knew that movie. More than that, he could predict exactly why you were talking about it. Casually, he glanced over, pretending to check his photogate readings while shamelessly eavesdropping. Your friend squeezed your arm excitedly. āI told you it was perfect. The vibes, the music, the slow-burn romance. Tell me you loved Seiji.ā
āOh, I loved Seiji,ā you sighed, eyes sparkling. āLike, the way he was so ambitious but still so soft? And the way he believed in her? And the fact that he left little signs for her without even realizing how much theyād mean?ā You could feel yourself getting lost in the emotions of it, and your friend was right there with you, nodding along enthusiastically. āIt was so romantic,ā she said dreamily. āThe idea of someone quietly believing in you and pushing you forward. Itās justāā
āSO good,ā you finished for her, and the two of you squealed quietly before catching yourselves and trying to focus again. Then, almost absentmindedly, you added, āHonestly, I feel like Iām in Whisper of the Heart right now.ā Your friend perked up. āHow so?ā
You nudged her lightly. āBecause of G.S.ā
Satoru, who had been handling the cart for his next trial, fumbled slightly. Your friendās eyes widened knowingly. āNo way. You mean your G.S.?āĀ
You groaned. āDonāt call him that. But yeah. The whole leaving-annotations-in-the-books thing? And how I keep borrowing them? Itās totally giving Seiji and Shizuku. Like yeah I kinda sound corny right nowāā
āNot really honestly, I get itāā
āExactly! See? I knew I wasnāt crazy. Imagine G.S is like Seijiā scratch that, imagine heās better, like some sweet, studious, hot book nerdāā
Satoru swallowed, suddenly feeling warm despite the sterile chill of the lab. You thought he was like Seiji? More than that, you thought G.S could perhaps even be better than Seiji? That wasāthat was something.
āAnd next week,ā you continued, stretching your arms over your head, āafter I finish studying, Iām going to borrow the next book.ā
Satoru barely heard the rest of the conversation after that. His brain had latched onto one horrifying realisationā
The last four books werenāt annotated. Oh, shit. He hadnāt really expected you to grow this attached to his stupid thoughts scribbled on the edges of the frayed pages, hadnāt expected you to burn through the series so fast. He completely forgot that he didnāt bother annotating the last few books because he had gotten so busy with work. But you had just sat there, eyes sparkling, gushing about his notes like they were some grand romantic mystery. You liked them. You liked his words. Not just the books themselves but the tiny, scribbled thoughts he had left behind. Satoruās stomach did a weird little flip. It seemed to be doing that a lot every time his nosy ass overheard you talking about his writing.
You really liked his writing. The writing youād been gushing for about two weeks now. You really found it special. You liked it so much that the thought of continuing the series without it made his chest ache. Because what if you borrowed the next one and found nothing? What if you flipped through the pages, searching for his voice, only to be disappointed? No. No way. That wasnāt happening. Initially he had done it as a way to, yāknow, simply yap, maybe desecrate the pages of a book from a library with his oh so superior commentary. But now? He was going to do this for you. Because the way you had talked about Whisper of the Heartāthe way your face had gone soft and dreamy, the way your voice had gotten all excitedāhe wanted that. He wanted to hear you talk about how much you enjoyed the little quips that made their way into his head every time he read something. He wanted to be the reason you spoke like that again. Maybe it was pathetic, but he wantedā really wanted to once again be the reason why your cheeks slightly went pink when your friend called him yours. Even if they were his initials, they were his, and it insinuated he belonged to you, right?
The second class ended, Satoru bolted. There was no time to waste. He had four books to annotate, and he didnāt care if it took him all night. If you wanted G.S., then G.S. was going to be there.
ā
Satoru burst into his dorm, heart pounding as he dumped his bag onto the floor. His fingers fumbled with the zipper as he yanked it open, pulling out the four books you were inevitably going to borrow next. He stacked them on his desk, staring at them like they were some kind of urgent missionābecause they were. You liked his notes. You liked his notes. That thought alone sent a weird, warm feeling blooming in his chest. He flopped into his chair, running a hand through his hair as he exhaled sharply. This wasnāt just about keeping up the act anymore. It wasnāt about maintaining the mystery of G.S. or feeding into some casual curiosity you had. No, this was about you. About the way your eyes lit up when you talked about the books. The way you had called himāunknowingly, of courseāyour own Seiji. The way you were so excited to continue the series, fully expecting to find more of his little thoughts nestled between the pages. He wasnāt going to let you down.
Satoru grabbed the first book off the stack and flipped it open, his pen poised over the margins. He scribbled his initials in the borrowing card in the same blue ink that he always usedā he always thought the blueness of the ink was much better than any other pen colour out there. Before he started reading, he did this in all the library cards, and made sure that the date corresponded to the previous datesā so you wouldnāt think it was suspicious that the last remaining books were all borrowed on the same day. He then started readingānot just skimming, but really reading, more carefully than he ever had before. Thankfully he did remember the plot of the first three books, so catching up with what was going on wasnāt too hard. Every sentence was weighed, every line considered. What would make you pause? What would make you smile?
When he hit a particularly poetic passage, he underlined it and wrote in the margin: Bet whoever is reading thisā I just know this made your heart do that stupid fluttery thing.
He smirked to himself. If only you knew.Ā
A few pages later, he found a scene with the protagonist staring out a train window, deep in thought. The description was vivid, full of melancholic longing. He tapped the pen against his lips before jotting down: Ever feel like this? Just existing, watching life happen? He could already imagine you reading it, tilting your head slightly, considering his words. Would you reply in your head? Would you wonder what kind of person wrote something like that? The thought of it sent a thrill through him, and he leaned in closer, more invested than ever. Hours passed, but he barely noticed. The desk lamp cast a warm glow over the pages as he worked, annotating with a mix of teasing, sincerity, and the occasional cryptic remark just to mess with you. In the fifth book of the series, there was a passage about finding comfort in routineāabout how little, familiar things could feel like home. He thought back to all the times during your early morning classes, how youād bring a steaming thermos filled with a tea of some kind, something to sip on while you reviewed the lecture slides before the professor started the lecture. The half cold tea in that same thermos, heād seen you nursing it outside the exam hall before a midterm while your eyes furiously scanned your meticulous, colour coded notes. Satoru probably guessed that it was a habit of yoursā to have a warm comforting drink while you readā lecture notes, physics textbooks, or fiction.
He hesitated for a second before writing: Hope anyone who ever reads this is reading this with a warm drink. Tea, in my opinion, is the best kind of beverage to drink while reading a book series like this.Ā
Would you pause when you read that? Would you glance around, suddenly hyper-aware that maybe G.S knew you? That someone had been paying attention? Or maybe youād think heās just like you? The thought sent a rush of satisfaction through him. By the time he reached the second last book, his hand was cramping, but he didnāt care. He stretched briefly before diving back in. This one had more banter between the characters, something he knew you loved. He played into it, adding sarcastic commentary in the margins. When the heroine had a particularly dramatic internal monologue, he scribbled: Relax, youāre not in a soap opera.
And a few pages later: Actually, never mind, maybe you are.
He could already hear your reaction. The annoyed little huff, the way youād roll your eyes but secretly love it. You always did have a tendency to refute things first, only to realise you enjoyed them later. Heād sometimes see it in the way when youād roll your eyes or let out a disapproving noise at Satoru plainly criticising one of the professors under his breath during a lectureā but Satoruās eyes were sharp, he never missed the smallest twitch of your lips as soon as youād finished your melodramatics. The last book was the longest, and by then, the city outside his window had gone quiet. His dorm was dim except for the glow of his lamp, and his body was buzzing with a mix of exhaustion and excitement. He was too far in now, too absorbed in the thought of you reading all of this soon. This book had a recurring theme about missed chancesāabout words left unsaid and moments that could have changed everything if only someone had spoken up. It hit a little too close to home, but he didnāt let himself dwell on that. Instead, he carefully underlined a sentence: Sometimes, we donāt realise what we mean to someone until itās too late.
Beneath it, he wrote: I hope this never applies to y̶o̶u̶ whoever is reading this.
And thenā and then he wrote another little thing, but it felt a bit too intimate, a bit too revealing so he neatly crossed it out. His pen hovered over the page for a moment. That was the most honest thing he had written all night. Satoru exhaled, rubbing his eyes before sitting back, staring at the stack of books now filled with his thoughts. He had done it. You wouldnāt get a single blank page. Youād find him in every single one.
ā
Satoru strolled across campus with a tote bag slung over his shoulder, weighed down by four thick novels. The booksānow thoroughly marked up, pages lined with his messy scrawlāfelt heavier than they should have, but maybe that was just him. Heād spent the entire night annotating them, barely stopping to eat, sleep, or think about anything that wasnāt you reading his words. Now, all he had to do was return them before you got to the library. He wasnāt about to let you see him checking them in like some lovesick idiot. He carefully managed to place them back on the shelf after scanning them as āunborrowedā.Ā He was a few steps from the library doors when someone rounded the corner, and before he could reactā
Bam. The collision wasnāt hard, just enough to jostle him off balance, and he barely had time to reach out and steady you before you could stumble back. āDamn, could at least pretend to watch where youāre going,ā he drawled, glancing down at you with a smirk. āOr do you just like running into me?ā
You scoffed, adjusting your bag over your shoulder. āYeah, I totally planned that. Just desperate to bump into you of all people.ā
āOh, come on,ā he teased, stepping aside so you could walk past him. āIf you wanted an excuse to see me, you couldāve just said so.ā You rolled your eyes, clearly unimpressed. āPlease. Iām actually on my way to the library, unlike some people who just loiter around.ā
His grip on his tote bag tightened for half a second, but he kept his expression easy, unreadable. āLibrary, huh?ā
āYeah,ā you said, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. āI finished this book from a series Iām actually enjoying, so I figured Iād borrow the next one today.ā You didnāt even know why you told him that, but you figured it was an improvement from the usual bickering you two always had going on. He hummed, nodding slowly. āOh, okay. Wellā¦ā He took a step back, flashing a lazy grin. āHave fun with that.ā You narrowed your eyes at him. āWhy do you sound weird?ā
āI always sound weird.ā
āYeah, but more than usual.āĀ
Satoru shrugged. āDunno what youāre talking about.ā You stared at him suspiciously for another second before shaking your head. āWhatever.ā And with that, you pushed past him, making your way toward the library doors. Satoru watched you go, fighting the smug grin threatening to take over his face. He could already picture itāthe way youād flip through the pages, expecting plain text, only to find the familiar, scrawled handwriting in the margins. He wondered if youād smile. If youād talk about it again the way you had in class. He shook his head to himself, finally turning away. Yeah. He was so in trouble.
With your drink beside you and your phone silenced, you flipped the fourth book open, eager to dive in. You didnāt even bother to check the borrowing card this time, neither had you written your own name in it yet, heart beating a little faster as you childishly hoped that the familiar cursive scrawls were still present in the weathered pages.Ā You had barely made it past the first few pages when your eyes caught something in the margins next to one of the more romantic lines.
Bet whoever is reading thisā I just know this made your heart do that stupid fluttery thing. You blinked. Your stomach did an odd little flip, completely unprovoked. Honestly speaking, your heart did that little flip more in regards to the familiar blue handwriting rather than the line on the page. You knew exactly whose handwriting that was.Ā
G.S. had struck again. A slow smile pulled at your lips as you traced the ink with your fingertip. You had gotten so used to these notes, the little jokes, the occasional deep thoughts, that it almost felt like a conversation now. Like you werenāt reading alone, but with someone who understood exactly what youād linger on, what youād pause to appreciate. And yet⦠something about this one felt slightly different. You glanced at the ink again. It looked a little⦠darker? Not as faded as some of the earlier notes in the series.
You frowned slightly but shook the thought away. Maybe it was just your imagination. You kept reading. A few pages later, the protagonist stared out of a train window, lost in thought. The description was melancholic, vivid, and all too relatable.
Ever feel like this? Just existing, watching life happen? You exhaled sharply through your nose. Yeah, you thought. All the damn time. You tapped your fingers against the table, feeling that same strange connection as before. Whoever G.S. was, they had a way of making their presence knownānot just through the words they chose to underline, but in the little thoughts they left behind, the questions they posed, the moments they chose to comment on. It was like they could hear your thoughts before you even formed them, like they knew exactly where your mind would linger on the page.
Your luck today had been astoundingly awful. The first sign was your hairāa complete disaster from the moment you woke up. Brushing it down did nothing. Water made it worse. Mousse? A grave mistake. You finally resorted to tying it up, accepting defeat. Then came the sharp pain on your forehead, a telltale sign of a forming pimple, because of course your skin had decided to betray you too. But the true betrayal came from your kettle, which, after years of faithful service, had chosen this morning to stop working. No tea. No caffeine. No hope. And now? Now, as if the universe hadnāt already tested you enough, you were seated next to Gojo Satoru, his chair pushed obnoxiously close, his long legs stretching out under the desk like he owned the place. His expression was insufferably smug, like he had personally orchestrated all of this just to get under your skin.
Have you ever mentioned that you shared more than one class with Gojo? Sure, you were both in the same physics course, but once again, your luck with picking extra subjects was nothing short of terrible. Thatās how you ended up in psychologyāa field that couldnāt be further from the world of physics you were so deeply immersed in. You had figured it would be a nice change, to explore a different kind of science.Ā
Unfortunately, a certain white haired freak seemed to share the same thought process.Ā
You exhaled sharply, crossing your arms. āWeāre not choosing your dumb topic.āĀ Gojo gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his chest. āExcuse you, my brilliant topic.ā
āYou want to write about the psychology of humor.ā
āExactly! Itās fascinating.ā He grinned. āWhat makes something funny? Why do people laugh? Why am I so naturally hilarious?ā You pinched the bridge of your nose. āWeāre in a psychology class, Gojo, not a stand-up workshop.ā
āAnd yet, humor is deeply psychological.ā He leaned forward, eyes twinkling with mischief. āMaybe if you had a better sense of humor, youād agree with me.ā You scowled. āI have a perfectly fine sense of humor.ā
āSure you do,ā he teased, āin the same way a brick has mobility.ā Your jaw clenched. āIām not doing a research paper on why people laugh.ā
āAnd Iām not doing one on cognitive dissonance,ā he shot back, drumming his fingers against the desk. āItās been done to death.ā
āItās interesting,ā you argued. āIt actually ties into real-world behavior.ā
āSo does humor.ā You stared him down. He stared right back, his lips curving just slightly, like he was having the time of his life getting you riled up.
A muscle in your jaw twitched. āRock, paper, scissors?ā
Gojo snorted. āWhat are we, five?ā You held out a fist. He sighed, then did the same.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Your scissors to his rock. Your eye twitched. His grin was downright gleeful. āLooks like weāre writing about humor.ā
āYou are insufferable.ā
āIām a visionary,ā he corrected, stretching his arms behind his head. āYouāll thank me when we get a great grade.ā You grumbled something under your breath, flipping open your notebook to at least try and plan the assignment. You werenāt about to let him ruin your GPA over jokes. But Gojo wasnāt looking at the notebook. He wasnāt even thinking about the project anymore. His gaze lingered on the way a few wisps of hair had escaped your ponytail, framing your face. He wasnāt used to seeing your hair tied backāit made your features more striking, somehow. It made him notice the little things, like the way your brow creased when you were annoyed, or the way your lips pursed slightly when you were trying really hard not to snap at him. And it was funny. All morning, youād been looking at him like he was a headache, while he⦠well. Heād be lying if he said he wasnāt kind of enjoying himself. He propped his chin in his palm, watching you jot something down in your notebook.
āYou know,ā he mused, āfor someone whoās so against my topic, you sure do make me laugh a lot.ā You shot him a suspicious look. āWhat is that supposed to mean?ā
Gojo smirked. āJust an observation.ā You scoffed. āAn annoyance is not the same thing as amusement.ā
āTell that to your cognitive dissonance.ā You rolled your eyes, but before you could fire back, something distracted you. A shift in the air, a fleeting scentāsomething clean and warm, like cedar and the lingering spice of cologne. You blinked. You didnāt know why you noticed it now, of all times, but the way he smelled was⦠oddly pleasant. You shook it off, focusing on your notes again. Only, now you were very aware of other things, tooālike the fact that his hand, resting casually on the desk, was a lot bigger than yours. His fingers were long, his knuckles prominent, and his nails were annoyingly well-groomed for someone who clearly put zero effort into most things. You clenched your jaw, forcing yourself to refocus. Itās just Gojo, you told yourself. Heās just being annoying. As usual. Iām probably ovulating or something. Gojo, meanwhile, had caught the way your eyes flickered over to him, how you quickly looked away after.
He tilted his head. āSomething on your mind?ā
āYeah,ā you muttered, deadpan. āHow fast I can finish this project so I donāt have to deal with you.ā Gojo chuckled, and despite yourself, you felt the sound of itālow and amused, like he found you far too entertaining. āOh, sweets,ā Gojo drawled, his voice lilting with amusement, āno way in hell am I gonna let you finish this project fast enough to escape me. Cāmon, in our three beautiful years of rivalry, youāve never once tried to get to know meāā
āLetās just start the project,ā you cut him off, already pulling out your stationery and notebook, flipping to a fresh page with more force than necessary. You barely resisted the urge to groan at the topic glaring back at you. Humour. Ugh.
Gojo, of course, noticed immediately. He didnāt even have to tryāhe just always noticed things. The way your lips pressed into a thin line, how your fingers fidgeted with the cap of your pen, how your shoulders tensed slightly, like you were already resigning yourself to suffering through an assignment you hated. His smirk fadedājust a little. And then, before he could think about it too hard, he sighed.
āYou know what?ā he said, nudging his notebook aside. āScrew it. Letās do your topic.ā
You blinked, pen hovering mid-air. āWhat?ā
āYou heard me,ā he said, waving a hand. āCognitive dissonance, weird little psychology experiments, all that jazz. Itās fine.ā
Your eyes narrowed. āThis feels like a trick.ā
āWow, you think that low of me?,ā he said, clutching his chest in mock betrayal. āI am capable of compromise, you know.ā
You gave him a flat look. āSince when?ā
Gojo rolled his eyes but didnāt argue. Instead, he leaned forward, elbows propped on the desk, watching you with a lazy kind of curiosity.
āSeriously, though. If you hate my topic that much, letās just do yours. No big deal.ā
You stared at him, suspicious. Gojo Satoru? Giving up? It felt wrong.
āWait,ā you said suddenly, narrowing your eyes further. āWhatās the catch?ā
āThereās no catch,ā he insisted, but the way he said it, all breezy and casual, made you even more suspicious.
ā⦠You want me to owe you a favor, donāt you?ā
He gasped, scandalised. āSweets, I would never manipulate you like that.ā
You scoffed. āYou absolutely would.ā
āOkay, yeah, I would,ā he admitted easily, grinning. āBut this isnāt that.ā
You hesitated, drumming your fingers against the notebook. Then, you exhaled, shaking your head. āNo. Weāll do humor.ā
Now he was the one taken aback. āHuh?ā
āI donāt want to hear you complain about how boring cognitive dissonance is for the next two weeks,ā you said, scribbling down a rough outline. āAnd youāre actually interested in humor, so weāll get it done faster.ā
Gojo just stared at you, like he couldnāt quite believe what he was hearing.
āHold on. Youāre giving in?ā
āDonāt make it weird.ā
āOh, Iām definitely making it weird.ā His grin was slow, teasing, like he had just won something. āThis is, like, a historic moment. I should get it framed.ā
āGojo.ā
āI mean, imagine if people knewāā
āGojo.ā
āāthat you actually care about my interests? That youāgaspāwant to make me happy?ā You kicked him under the desk.
āOw!ā He laughed, rubbing his shin. āThat was uncalled for.ā
āYou deserved it.ā
āBut really,ā he said, still grinning, āthis is kinda nice.ā
You quirked a brow. āWhat is?ā
He shrugged, tilting his head. āUsually, weāre arguing for ourselves. This is the first time weāve argued over, like, whatās better for the other person.ā Your lips parted slightly. You hadnāt thought about it like that. For a moment, neither of you spoke. Then, absurdly, a little laugh slipped out of you. Just a small one, but it was enough to make Gojoās eyes flicker with amusement. And before you knew it, he was laughing, too. It wasnāt even that funny, but somehow, the realisation of how ridiculous this entire thing had beenābickering for fifteen minutes over who should get their way only to insist on the oppositeāhad you both quietly shaking with laughter in the middle of the library.
āOkay, okay,ā you finally said, breathless. āLetās get this outline done before we completely fail this class.ā
āIād never fail,ā Gojo said, flipping open his notebook. āIām naturally brilliant.ā
āYou would if I werenāt here keeping you on track.ā
He grinned. āSee? You like being my partner.ā You rolled your eyes, but as you both started drafting the project together, something about thisāabout working with him, actually workingāfelt⦠nice. And even though he was still Gojo, still distracting, still annoying, still insufferably smug, for once, he didnāt feel like an opponent. He just felt like Satoru. Not Gojo, but Satoru. Of course, the moment things got too productive, he ruined it.
āYāknow,ā he mused, leaning back in his chair, āI am gonna make sure our humor project includes at least one joke at your expense.ā
You deadpanned. āThen Iām making sure our references include an article on the psychological effects of annoying classmates.ā
Gojo gasped. āI would love to read that.ā
You smacked his arm with your notebook. And, as usual, he just laughed. You two managed to get a lot of the work doneā not just a solid outline of your project, but the finer details too. Gojo suddenly shoved his chair back, standing up so abruptly that you startled. āI need to do something,ā he announced, brushing imaginary dust off his clothes. You frowned, confused. āWhat? Where are you going?ā
āJust wait here,ā he said, already turning on his heel. Your brows furrowed. āWaitāwhat? Gojoāā
āJust wait!ā he called over his shoulder before disappearing down the hallway. You stared at the empty space where he had been, utterly bewildered. What the hell was that about? For a moment, you debated packing up your stuff and leaving just to be petty, but curiosity got the better of you. Huffing, you tapped your pen against your notebook, drumming your fingers impatiently. Three minutes passed. Then five. Thenā
Gojo reappeared, striding back toward your table with an obnoxiously triumphant grin. In one hand, he held two drinks, in the other, a small paper bag. He set them down in front of you like he was presenting some kind of grand prize.
You stared. ā... What is this?ā
āSnacks,ā he said, like it was obvious. āI see that,ā you said, eyeing the drinks. One was clearly milk teaāyours, probablyābut the other was some sugary monstrosity topped with whipped cream, which was obviously his. āBut why?ā
āWell, weāve been working,ā he said easily, plopping back into his seat. āFigured we deserved a break.ā You blinked, then looked down at the tea again. It smelled⦠exactly how you usually ordered it.
Suspicion prickled at you. āDid youādid you get this on purpose?āĀ
Gojo took a sip of his own drink, unbothered. āYeah?āĀ
Your eyes narrowed. āHow do you even know what I drink?ā
Gojo shrugged. āDunno. Guess I just noticed that one time when I ended up paying for it.ā
You paused. The thought of Gojo Satoru noticing anything about youāremembering how you liked your tea, going out of his way to get it without even askingāmade your brain short-circuit for a second. You werenāt sure what to do with that information, so you just focused on unrolling the top of the pastry bag, peering inside. There were two croissantsāone chocolate, one plain.
ā⦠Okay, but the pastries?ā
āI didnāt know what you liked, so I got both.ā You squinted at him. āThat doesnāt make any sense.ā He smirked. āSure it does. If you like chocolate, I got it right. If you donāt, more for me.ā You stared at him, then at the pastries, then back at him.
āUnbelievable,ā you muttered, shaking your head.
āUnbelievably thoughtful?ā he supplied.
āUnbelievably annoying.ā
Gojo grinned. āThat too.ā Rolling your eyes, you took the chocolate croissant anyway, breaking off a piece. The tea was still warm when you took a sip, and you hated that it was perfectāhated that Gojo Satoru of all people had somehow memorized exactly how you liked it. He propped his elbow on the table, chin resting in his hand as he watched you. āYāknow, for someone whoās been roasting me for the last five minutes, you seem to be enjoying that a lot.ā
You shot him a look. āDonāt push it.ā He only laughed, reaching for his own pastry. āNo promises.ā
ā
Over the next week, you and Gojo fell into an oddly stable rhythm. It wasnāt immediateānothing with Gojo ever wasābut slowly, the sharp edges of your interactions dulled. The bickering still happened, but it felt different, less like clashing swords and more like an inside joke neither of you wanted to drop. Your study sessions were always in the same corner of the library, where Gojo insisted on pushing the limits of how far back he could tilt his chair before it inevitably crashed to the floor.
(āGojo, if you fall and crack your head open, Iām not calling an ambulance.ā
āNah, you totally would.ā
āI wouldnāt.ā
āYes, you would, sweets. You like me too much to let me die like that.ā)
Youād grumble and go back to your notes, but a traitorous part of you was starting to find his antics almost⦠endearing. Your actual progress on the project was steady. It surprised youāGojo mightāve been infuriating, but when he actually focused, he was sharp. He had a way of cutting through useless information, pinpointing the most interesting angle on a subject, making connections you hadnāt considered. Begrudgingly, you kind of understood why he was always neck to neck with you in grades.
(āSo, humor as a psychological coping mechanism?ā
āMhm.ā
āAnd you want to include self-deprecating humor as a subsection?ā
āWell, yeah,ā he said, twirling a pen between his fingers. āItās like, prime material.ā
āYou literally never make fun of yourself.ā
āI make fun of myself all the time.ā
You scoffed. āOh, really?ā
He smirked. āYeah. I mean, look at meāsix-foot-three, gorgeous, built like a godāmy life is so hard, yāknow?ā
You stared at him. āThat was not self-deprecating.ā
āNo?ā He shrugged, leaning in slightly, his voice dropping just enough to make your stomach do something weird. āMaybe I just want you to compliment me.ā
You threw a balled-up piece of paper at his head.)Ā
There were⦠moments. Small, fleeting things you didnāt know what to do with. Like the time your pen rolled off the table and he picked it up, spinning it between his fingers before handing it back to you, and you noticedāreally noticedāhow big his hands were. Or how, sometimes, when he was reading something on your laptop, heād lean in too close, and youād catch the faint scent of his cologneāfresh, clean, but with something warm underneath. You ignored these things. Obviously.Ā
But then came the gym. You were only there because you needed to de-stress. The project had been long, your classes demanding, and you just wanted to move your body and clear your head. You werenāt expecting to see him there. At first, you didnāt even realize it was Gojo. You were just filling your water bottle, minding your business, when your gaze flickered to the squat rack and landed on a very tall, very shirtless figure. And then your brain short-circuited. Because it was Gojo.
And Gojo wasā
Built.
Like, really built. You had known he was tall. You had known he was in shape. But knowing and seeing were two different things. His usual oversized hoodies and button-ups had hidden the fact that his entire torso was carved like a damn statue. Broad shoulders, lean muscle, a defined chest, abs for days andā
Your gaze dropped lower.
āHappy trail. Something inside you malfunctioned. Because, okay, fine, sureāobjectively speaking, Gojo Satoru was attractive. You had always known that. But this? This was different. This was some kind of cruel joke. This was the universe personally handing you a vision of a half-naked Gojo and saying, Hey, enjoy struggling with this one! You were staring. Oh, god, you were staring. You needed to leave. You were about to spin on your heel and get the hell out of there, but that was when he noticed you. His gaze locked onto yours in the mirror, and something slow and amused curled across his lips.
āYo,ā he called, turning around fully now, like he knew exactly what he was doing. You were so close to pretending you hadnāt heard him, but there were only so many places to run. You forced yourself to walk over, as if this was normal, as if your brain hadnāt just imploded from seeing Gojo Satoru shirtless. āYou work out?ā he asked, wiping sweat off his forehead with a towel, and you hated that even that was distracting.
āYes, Gojo, I work out,ā you said flatly, crossing your arms. He grinned. āHuh. Never wouldāve guessed.ā You narrowed your eyes. āWhatās that supposed to mean?ā He just shrugged, all easy confidence and knowing smirks. āYou donāt exactly look like the gym type, sweets.ā
āBecause I donāt look like I can deadlift a hundred kilos?ā you shot back.Ā
He tilted his head. āCan you?ā
ā⦠No.āĀ
He laughed, tossing the towel over his shoulder. āThen I rest my case.ā You scowled. āYouāre annoying.ā
āAnd youāre staring,ā he quipped, and your breath caught in your throat. Your face heated. āIāI am not.ā His smirk deepened. āSure you arenāt.ā
You clenched your jaw, trying to school your expression into something neutral. You refused to let him know he was right. But as you turned on your heel and all but stomped to another part of the gym, you could still feel his gaze on you. And the worst part? You didnāt hate it.Ā
The next day, you almost considered canceling your study session. Not because you were avoiding Gojo. Obviously. You were just busy. Lots of work. Essays. Big academic responsibilities. But you werenāt a coward. (And okay, fine, maybe a tiny part of you was curious to see if things would be normal again. Not that things were weird, butāwell. Whatever.) When you arrived at the library, Gojo was already there, feet kicked up on the chair across from him, lazily flipping through his notes.
āLook who decided to show up,ā he said without looking up. You dropped your bag onto the table with a little more force than necessary. āShut up.ā He smirked. āFeisty today, huh?ā You ignored him, pulling out your laptop. āDid you actually get any work done?ā
He held up a single, crumpled page.Ā
You groaned. āGojo.ā
āHey, hey,ā he said, leaning forward, āin my defense, I was busy yesterday.ā You knew exactly what he was referencing. You refused to react. Instead, you snatched the page from his hands. āWeāre never finishing this at this rate.āĀ
Gojo leaned on his hand, watching you with a lazy smile. āMaybe I just like dragging this out so I can keep seeing you.ā
Your fingers twitched around your pen.
He was messing with you. Obviously. That was what he did. But it was getting harder and harder to pretend you didnāt notice the way his gaze lingered sometimes. Or the way your stomach dipped when he said things like that. You cleared your throat, forcing yourself to focus. āWeāre getting this done today, whether you like it or not.ā
āBossy,ā he murmured, still watching you. You gave him a look. And then you got to work. And as much as you hated to admit it, your study sessions with Gojo had started to feel⦠comfortable. It was weird. In some ways, nothing had changedāyou still bickered, still teased, still rolled your eyes at each other every five minutes. But there was something different underneath it now, something you couldnāt quite name. And you werenāt sure you wanted to. Not yet.
ā
The lecture hall was packed, the dull hum of students settling in filling the air as you pulled out your notes. Todayās topic was something about fluid dynamicsānot that you were paying too much attention. Mostly because you were tired. And, maybe, because there was a certain someone sitting behind you.Ā You donāt know when or why it had startedā maybe it was the fact that youād, well, always been deprived of male attention (since you were hyper focused on academics instead. Those men wonāt bring you scholarships, but your GPA will!), or the fact that you had seen him multiple times in the past weeks without feeling the urge to rip his head off, or maybe you actually were ovulating, you hadnāt checked your cycle on your period tracking app yet but it was likelyā
You had been doing your best to ignore it, to ignore him, but Gojo had a way of making his presence known. Even when he wasnāt doing anything, you were now even more hyper aware of himāthe occasional shift of his chair, the absentminded tapping of his pen against the desk, the quiet sighs of boredom that you knew were dramatic. And then, just as you were finally starting to concentrate, you felt it. A presence leaning in behind you, the faintest brush of breath against your ear.
āSweets,ā Gojo whispered, his voice low, teasing.
Your whole body went rigid. āWhat,ā you hissed, barely moving your lips, keeping your eyes trained on the professor at the front of the room.
āThereās a fatal flaw in this lecture,ā he murmured, his voice laced with amusement. You refused to turn around. āGojo, I swearāā
āI mean, really,ā he continued, like you hadnāt spoken, āhow can they expect us to focus on physics when youāre sitting right in front of me?ā Your grip on your pen tightened. Your face was definitely heating up. Slowly, finally, you turned your head just enough to glare at him. āAre you seriously flirting with me in the middle of a lecture on fluid dynamics?ā
Gojo grinned, chin resting on his palm, looking utterly unrepentant. āIām not flirting. Iām just⦠yāknow⦠testing like behaviourism, or whatever.ā
You inhaled sharply, willing yourself not to react. Noticing your silence, his smirk grew.
āOr,ā he whispered, tilting his head, āis the idea of me flirting with you not so bad?ā Your brain short-circuited for half a second. Then you turned back around, focusing very hard on your notes, pretending you hadnāt heard him, pretending your heart wasnāt doing something very annoying in your chest. Behind you, Gojo chuckled softly, and you could feel his smirk.
You hated him. You hated him. Nah, you didnāt.Ā You just⦠now mildly disliked him.
ā
By the time the physics final rolled around, your life had been reduced to a frantic cycle of cramming formulas, flipping through notes, and barely surviving on caffeine. The psychology project with Gojo had taken up way more time than you expectedānot just because of the work itself, but because of him. His constant presence, his insufferable teasing, the way he somehow made long study sessions more bearable with his antics. It was irritatingly easy to fall into a rhythm with him, and by the time youād turned in your joint paper, you were too mentally exhausted to even think about anything else. Which was probably why you forgot about book five. When you finally let yourself have a break, that you found it tucked away in your bag.
Hope anyone who ever reads this is reading this with a warm drink. Tea, in my opinion, is the best kind of beverage to drink while reading a book series like this.
Your breath caught in your throat.
Okay. That was⦠oddly specific.
A chillānot unpleasant, but strangeācrept up your spine. It wasnāt just the words themselves, but the fact that G.S. knew this about you. It was as if theyād noticed your habit of your love of tea. But it was probably a coincidence. I mean, tea is enjoyed by millions of people in the world, right? You exhaled slowly, shaking the feeling off as you flipped a few more pages. The wittiness of the quips grew, and you eagerly read through each one with heightened interest. In about forty five minutes, you had managed to finish the fifth book with ease. Since you had some free time to spare, you started on the second last book.
The first note you came across was pure sarcasm, scrawled beside a particularly dramatic inner monologue from the protagonist.
Relax, youāre not in a soap opera.
And a few pages later: Actually, never mind, maybe you are.
You huffed a quiet laugh, rolling your eyes. The teasing was familiar, familiar enough to imbue a sense of relaxation in you. The annotations drew you in, the ink curling across the margins like whispered thoughts meant just for you. It was easy to imagine G.S. sitting beside you, their presence warm and familiar, flipping through the pages with quiet amusement. Someone who knew exactly which passages would make you pause, who understood the way certain lines lingered in your mind long after youād read them.
Your fingers traced over the words they had left behind, and for a moment, you let yourself daydream. You imagined meeting themāG.S., whoever they were. The two of you sitting in some hidden corner of a library, books stacked high around you, the world outside fading away. Maybe their voice was soft, thoughtful, the kind that made you want to lean in a little closer. Maybe they smiled when you argued about a particular passage, when you pointed out something theyād written in the margins.
Maybe they would look at you like you were something worth understanding.
The thought sent a strange warmth curling through your chest. It was silly, this little fantasy, but you let yourself indulge in it anyway. And that was when your brain betrayed you.
For a brief, horrifying moment, the faceless idea of G.S. wasnāt faceless anymore. The image of Gojo flashed into your mind, unbidden and unwanted. But it wasnāt just him reading beside you, wasnāt just him scrawling out these notes with his long, annoyingly pretty fingers.
It was him kissing you.
Gojoās lips brushing against yours, lazy and confident, like it was the most natural thing in the world. His hand sliding up your spine, the heat of him pressing against you, that teasing voice of his murmuring something you wouldnāt quite catchā
Your entire body froze.
No.
No, no, no.
You tried to shake it off, tried to focus on the book in front of you, but the words blurred together, unreadable. Your mind was stuck, caught on the vividness of the thought that had just invaded it.
Gojo.
Not just Gojo sitting across from you, running his mouth like he always did. Not just Gojo tossing a wadded-up paper at your head or poking at the end of your pen when you were trying to write. Noāyour brain had conjured up something else entirely. Gojo leaning in too close, his breath warm against your lips. The weight of his hand pressing into the small of your back, fingertips splayed across your lower back, your waist, your sides. The slow, unhurried way he would kiss youābecause of course heād be like that, because he was always so damn self-assured. Because he never did anything halfway.
And worseāworseāyou could almost hear him. That stupid teasing voice, low and amused, murmuring something between kisses, something only meant for you. Your fingers twitched, and you slammed the book shut.
No. Nope. Not happening.
Your pulse was erratic, your skin burning like youād been caught doing something you shouldnāt. You blinked rapidly, as if that alone could erase the thought from existence, but the sensation lingered, the imagined heat of him refusing to dissipate. It was just stress. Thatās all it was. You were exhausted, overworked, and had spent way too much time in Gojoās orbit lately. Of course your brain was short-circuiting. You exhaled sharply, forcing yourself to reopen the book. Back to reality. Back to G.S.Ā
Back to anything that wasnāt Gojo Satoru and the absurd, fleeting idea of what kissing him might feel like.
ā
Gojoās deep voice cut through your thoughts, pulling you back into the present as he tapped the end of his pen against the open physics textbook in front of you both.
āAnd thenāare you even listening to me?ā You blinked, realizing youād been zoning out. āYeahāyeah,ā you mumbled, scrambling for something relevant to say. āProfessor Takeda can be an ass sometimes, even if heās awesome at teaching.ā Gojo grinned, apparently satisfied with your response, and continued yapping as he absentmindedly worked through some small equations on the paper in front of you both. His handwriting was quick and fluid, annoyingly neat for someone who acted like he never took anything seriously.
You didnāt quite know how it had happened, but after the two of you had finally submitted the psychology project, something between you shifted. It wasnāt spoken aloud, wasnāt even acknowledged outright, but it was thereāan unspoken understanding. You still bickered, still argued over trivial things, but there was something else now too. A companionship. A quiet, reluctant camaraderie that neither of you had actively sought out but somehow settled into with surprising ease. And now, you were in the library with him, ironically revising for the upcoming physics final, less than a week away. You werenāt sure when he had become your unofficial study partner, but here he was, scribbling down formulas as he complained about Takedaās obsession with fluid dynamics.
āYouāre still struggling with Bernoulliās principle?ā you teased, shifting your chair slightly to get a better look at his notes.Ā
āStruggling is a strong word,ā he said, twirling his pen between his fingers. āI prefer āstrategically choosing to ignore it until I absolutely have to care.āā
You scoffed, but before you could argue, your eyes landed on the book beside your bagāthe sixth book in the series youād been slowly working through, the second-to-last one before the finale. You had completely forgotten about it. You were pretty sure you had hit the maximum borrowing period, and at this rate, you were lucky the library hadnāt sent you an overdue notice.
āI need to go return this,ā you muttered, grabbing the book and standing up.
Gojo glanced at it, tilting his head slightly. āThat again?ā
You blinked at him. āWhat?ā
āThat series,ā he clarified, nodding towards the book in your hand. āYouāve been reading it forever. Whatās the deal?ā You hesitated for a moment, not really sure why you felt the sudden urge to explain, but then the words slipped out before you could stop them.
āI⦠I donāt know. Itās comforting, I guess,ā you admitted. āItās one of those series that just sticks with you, you know? And itās not just the storyāitās the annotations.ā
Gojo raised an eyebrow. āAnnotations?ā
You shifted your weight from one foot to the other. āYeah. Someone else read these books before me, and they wrote all these little notes in the margins. Some of them are funny, some are insightful, some are just straight-up teasingābut they make the whole experience feel⦠shared, I guess.ā For once, Gojo didnāt say anything. He just listened, head tilted, watching you with an expression you couldnāt quite decipher.
You coughed, suddenly feeling self-conscious. āAnyway, I should go return this.ā You turned before he could say anything else and made your way to the libraryās return sectionāonly to find the drop-off shelves completely blocked off with construction tape. A small sign informed students that book returns had to be made manually at the front desk. With a sigh, you made your way to the librarianās desk. She smiled at you as you set the book down.
āReturning this?ā she asked, flipping open the cover to check the borrowing card.
āYeah,ā you said, nodding. She hummed, scanning the barcode. āYou know, someone else borrowed this whole series a while back.ā
No way.
No way, no way, no way.
Is this how you were going to finally find out who the faceless stranger you had grown attached to was? Your heart skipped a beat. You forced yourself to keep your voice casual.Ā
āOh? Can you recall who?āĀ
She paused, tapping her chin as if trying to recall. āGive me a moment dear. Heās a maleā¦about the same age as you, actually. Well I think he might be the same age as you. Hmm, he was tall, quite tall, had this head of brilliant white hair, and glasses. His eyes were startlingly blue too. I canāt remember his name but you twoād get along, he seemed very interested in these series too!ā She chuckled, taking the book from you to store it under one of the accompanying shelves.
Your blood ran cold.
She continued, oblivious to your internal panic. āHad this little keychain on his bag too. It tinkled a lot when he came in to borrow the books.ā Your mind flashed back to the small jingling sound of Gojoās keychainā a digimon one. The one that always made a tiny noise whenever he slung his bag over his shoulder. Oh my god.
Your grip tightened on the desk. āRight. Thanks.ā
Somehow, miraculously, you managed to return the book without your hands shaking. But the moment you turned away, the weight of the realization slammed into you like a tidal wave. Your breath hitched, your vision tunneled slightly, and for a second, you werenāt sure if your legs would carry you back to the table.
Gojo.
Gojo was G.S.
The knowledge settled in your bones with a dizzying clarity, making the library around you feel unreal, like you were wading through a dream you couldnāt wake up from. The notes, the teasing comments, the underlined passagesāit had all been him. The same Gojo Satoru who drove you insane with his arrogance, who somehow wormed his way into your study sessions, who made physics revision bearable with his endless chatter. And he had never said a word about it. By the time you reached the table, your emotions were tangled beyond recognitionāembarrassment, frustration, something dangerously close to hurt. You dropped into your seat, a little too forcefully, the noise drawing his attention.
Gojo barely glanced up from his notes. āYou okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.ā
You swallowed, pulse thrumming against your ribs. Your fingers curled into fists against your lap. You felt like you were standing on the edge of something sharp, something that could cut you open if you werenāt careful.
āItās you,ā you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
He finally met your gaze, his pen stilling against the page. For a secondājust a secondāthere was nothing but blankness in his expression, as if he truly didnāt understand what you meant. But then, recognition flickered in those bright, unreadable eyes. And slowly, like he had been waiting for this exact moment, he grinned.
āTook you long enough.ā
A sharp breath escaped you, like the wind had been knocked from your lungs. Something twisted in your chest. He knew. He had known. You exhaled shakily, trying to hold onto your composure, but your voice wavered when you spoke again. āYouāā You swallowed hard. āYou knew it was me reading those books, and you justāā
He didnāt deny it. Didnāt even try. You hated the way he was looking at you, like this was funny, like this was just some game he had been playing all along. Like he had been waiting for you to connect the dots, to put the pieces together while he sat back and watched. Something inside you cracked.
āYou were just messing with me.ā The words came out quiet, but there was something raw beneath them, something unsteady. āThatās what this was, right? Just another one of your games?ā
For the first time, his smirk faltered.
āThatās notāā
But you didnāt let him finish.
You stood up too fast, your chair scraping loudly against the floor. A few heads turned, students shooting you mildly annoyed glances, but you couldnāt bring yourself to care. You felt like the library was closing in around you, like you needed to get out before you drowned under the weight of it all.
āForget it,ā you muttered, voice tight. You grabbed your bag, barely able to look at him. āIāll see you in class.ā And before he could stop youābefore he could say something that might make you stayāyou turned on your heel and walked out of the library. Your pulse roared in your ears, your face burned with humiliation, and your heartāGod, your heart was a tangled, aching mess you werenāt ready to unravel yet.
ā
You didnāt talk to Gojo for three days. Not once. Not in class, not in the library, not even in passing. If he was in a group conversation, you found an excuse to leave. If he tried to sit next to you, you conveniently needed to be somewhere else. And if you caught even a glimpse of him from across campus, you turned in the opposite direction before he could call your name. It wasnāt out of pettiness. At least, you didnāt think so.
You were hurt.
The weight of it had settled deep in your chest, a slow, heavy ache that didnāt fade no matter how much you tried to distract yourself. You felt stupid, looking back at all those late nights spent tracing the loops of G.S.ās handwriting, at the way you had let yourself get caught up in the fantasy of someoneāsomeone you thought understood you. Someone who had felt just as deeply about those books as you had. And the whole time, it had been him.
Had he just been laughing at you? Watching you get wrapped up in his words, in him, while he sat back and waited for you to figure it out? Had it all just been some kind of joke? You didnāt know what answer would hurt more. Gojo, however, wasnāt making your avoidance easy.
He noticed, of course. The first day, he seemed ashamed. You saw it in the way he frowned when you brushed past him after class, in the way his gaze lingered when you sat on the opposite end of the library instead of your usual table.
The second day, he got annoyed.
āAre you serious right now?ā he had muttered when you blatantly ignored him outside the lecture hall, your fingers tightening around your books as you sped up. By the third day, his frustration had given way to something elseāsomething quieter, something bordering on concern.
He caught your wrist as you passed him in the hallway that morning, his grip loose enough for you to pull away if you wanted.
āHey,ā he murmured, his voice uncharacteristically soft. āAre weā?ā He hesitated. āDid Iā?ā
You looked at him then, really looked at him, and for the first time in years, you saw itāuncertainty.
Gojo Satoru was scared. But you werenāt ready to talk. Not yet. So you shook him off and kept walking.
He let you go. For the rest of the day, you tried to pretend like it didnāt feel like a mistake. That night, unable to sleep, you reached for the last book in the seriesāthe one you had borrowed before you found out. You had been meaning to return it. The thought of flipping through those pages again felt wrong after everything that had happened. But something about the weight of it in your hands made you pause. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you curled up in bed and opened to the first page.
And read.
At first, it was mechanical. You skimmed. Skipped paragraphs. Let your eyes pass over the words without really taking them in. But thenāsomewhere along the wayāyou found yourself slowing down. The story was familiar, but it felt different now. The annotations were there, just like before. The same small, thoughtful notes in the margins. The same underlined passages, the same occasional sarcastic remark scribbled beside overly dramatic monologues.
And it still felt intimate.
Your chest ached. Gojoās handwriting had always been a little messy, but now, you could hear his voice in it. The playful quips, the teasing corrections, the occasional rambling thoughts that trailed off mid-sentence. He hadnāt just read these books. He had shared them. With you. But it wasnāt until you reached the end of the book that you froze.
A note, scrawled beneath a passage about missed chances. About how sometimes, you donāt realise what someone means to you until itās too late.
To whoever is reading this, I⦠really hope that this never applies to you.Ā
And then, right underneath it, you spot a small sentence. Your eyes narrow as you lean in, catching the faint blue ink beneath the initials G.S., nearly lost beneath the hurried strike-through. Itās messy, almost like he had written it in a rush, then panicked and scratched it out before anyone could see. The ink is slightly smudged, the letters not quite as crisp as they should be. But you can still read it.
Your breath catches. The frustration twisting in your chest falters, cracking under the weight of what youāre seeing. This wasnāt just about G.S. This wasnāt just about some stupid rivalry, some elaborate, long-running inside joke only he was in on. He had liked you.
All along.
The truth of it presses against your ribs, turning your anger into something elseāsomething hot and unbearable and aching. Because of course Gojo Satoru wouldnāt have just let you take that book without noticing. Of course he wouldnāt have just been some faceless mystery behind the initials. He had been right there, all this time. Watching. Waiting. Never saying a damn thing. You press your lips together, gripping the book tighter, torn between wanting to shove it in his stupidly smug face and the overwhelming realization that thisāthis whole thingāhad never been a game to him.
Not really. Your fingers tighten around the edge of the page, heart pounding. You should be mad. You are mad.
But now? Now you donāt know what to do with the way your chest is clenching, your stomach twisting, the words replaying in your head over and over again. He really, really liked you. And he had been too much of an idiot to say it.
It wasnāt just a game. It never had been. Your fingers curled around the edge of the page, heart hammering against your ribs. And in that moment, without a second thoughtā
You didnāt hesitate.
You barely registered slipping on your shoes, grabbing your jacket, heading across campus toward the dormitories. Your pulse roared in your ears as you climbed the stairs, the weight of the book heavy in your bag. You remembered the way heād joked about it onceāhow it was almost too easy to find his dorm because the boysā rooms were stacked directly above the girlsā.
("Itās like fate, babe," heād drawled, slinging an arm over your shoulders. "Youāre literally sleeping right below me."
"Donāt say it like that," youād deadpanned, shoving him off.
Heād only grinned, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "What? Itās true. If you ever get lonely, just know Iām right thereā" he pointed up dramatically "āin room sixty-nine."
Youād groaned at that. "Of course itās sixty-nine."
"Oh, absolutely." His smirk had been positively insufferable. "The universe practically insisted on it.ā)
And now, here you were. Standing in front of his stupid door, his stupid room number glaring at you, mocking you, reminding you of how easily he had wormed his way into your life. You knocked. There was a pause. Thenāfootsteps. The door cracked open, and Gojo blinked down at you, disheveled, his glasses slightly askew. He was in a hoodie and sweatpants, and for once, he looked genuinely caught off guard.
āWhat the hell are you doing here?ā he whispered sharply. āWhat if the dean catches you? Itās past curfew.ā
You ignored him. āExplain.ā
Gojo stared at you. Then, with a sigh, he opened the door wider and let you in. His dorm was surprisingly neat, save for a few open textbooks on his desk. He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling before leaning against the edge of his bed.
āYou want an explanation?ā Gojo muttered, rubbing his temple as if trying to collect his thoughts. His voice was uncharacteristically hoarse, lacking its usual teasing lilt. He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair before meeting your gaze.
āFine.ā
And thenāsomething shifted in his expression. That raw, unguarded look returned, cracking through the facade of the cocky, untouchable Gojo Satoru.
āI liked you this entire time.ā
Your breath caught. His words were quiet, but they landed like a stone in your chest, sending ripples through every assumption you had made about the past few months. Noālonger than that. Yes, you had gathered from that scribbled annotation that he had liked you, but hearing it was different from reading it. The weight of what he was saying pressed down on you, curling around your ribs, making it hard to breathe. He swallowed, his Adamās apple bobbing. His gaze flickered away for a second, like he was considering taking it back, like he was still terrified of saying it out loud. But then, with a short breath, he pressed forward.
āIāā He licked his lips, shaking his head slightly. āWhen I overheard you talking about the books, about G.S., I thought⦠I donāt know. At first, it was funny.ā He let out a weak laugh, but there was no humor in it. āYou, of all people, getting caught up in my annotations.ā
A pang of hurt flared in your chest at that, but Gojoās face twisted almost immediately, like he regretted saying it that way.
āI donāt mean it like that,ā he murmured. āI just meanāā He sighed, dragging a hand down his face. āYou always had this way of looking at me, like you had me all figured out. Like you already knew what kind of person I was. And I guess⦠part of me thought it was funny that I got to be something different in your head for once.ā
Your fingers curled at your sides. You werenāt sure how to respond to that, but Gojo wasnāt done. His fingers flexed at his sides, like he wasnāt sure what to do with his hands. His eyes darted back to you, searching, waiting for you to interrupt, to tell him he was ridiculous. When you didnāt, he exhaled sharply through his nose, like he was bracing himself.
āBut it wasnāt just the books,ā he admitted, voice quieter now. āIt wasnāt just some joke to me.ā His lips pressed together for a moment before he continued. āBecause the truth is, Iāā He hesitated, then finally met your eyes again, his own brimming with something raw and unguarded. āIāve liked you since freshman year.ā
The air between you shifted. Your fingers curled at your sides as his confession settled in. You wanted to say somethingāanythingābut all you could do was stare at him, pulse pounding in your ears.
He let out a breathy chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. āYeah. Long time, huh?ā His voice was softer now, tinged with something almost self-conscious. āIt sounds stupid when I say it out loud. But I did. I do.ā
Your mouth felt dry. āSince freshman year?ā
His lips twitched, like he wasnāt sure if he should smile. āYeah.ā
Your mind reeled. Freshman year. That meant before the rivalry, before the teasing had turned sharp, before you had convinced yourself that he was just some cocky, insufferable show-off who loved to push your buttons. Before you had started believing he only saw you as an opponent to one-up. Gojo sighed, dropping his head back slightly, staring at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at you. āYou remember that first day of class?ā
You blinked. āWhere we had to introduce each other to the class?ā
He nodded. āYou were wearing that stupid oversized sweater that practically swallowed you, and you kept tugging at the sleeves like you wanted to disappear. I justā at first I thought you were just so cuteā His lips quirked slightly at the memory. āAnd then you opened your mouth when we argued for the first time in classā remember? When you answered that question on vector components and I poked fun at you or something, and when you responded back to me, you had this⦠fire in you. You wouldnāt let me get a single word in edgewise, like you had something to prove.ā
His expression softened, something unbearably fond flickering in his gaze. āAnd I just remember thinkingāshit.ā
Your breath hitched.
āI wasnāt supposed to like you,ā he murmured, like it was a confession he had never meant to say out loud. āBut I did. And when we started arguing all the time, when it turned into this whole thing between us, I thoughtāfine. If I couldnāt have you the way I wanted, then Iād settle for getting under your skin.ā He huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head. āAnd trust me, I tried to stop thinking about it. About you. But I couldnāt. And then you started borrowing those books, and it was likeāā He exhaled sharply, like he didnāt even know how to put it into words. You swallowed hard, heart hammering.Ā
All this time.
Every argument, every smug grin, every lingering glance across the roomāhe had liked you this entire time.
āBut then you kept reading them.ā His voice had softened, like he was talking to himself now as much as to you. āYou kept flipping through those pages, talking about how much you liked G.Sā and god, who am I to deny you when you speak like that? When you speak like that about my thoughts, my feelings, spilled onto the pages of those stupid books? And suddenly, I was waiting for you to borrow the next book. Waiting to see which parts youād pause on, which annotations youād react to. Waiting to hear what youād say about G.S. So Iāā
He exhaled slowly, his fingers tightening around the fabric of his hoodie.
āā I borrowed the remaining four books or so. I annotated every last one of them, annotated them so maybe, maybe Iād get to hear that gorgeous voice of yours talking about it in class again. Iād get to see that giddy smile when youād refer to me as your Seiji Amasawa again. As your G.S. And honestly, it was worth the entirety of the long night I spent, just so Iād see you fucking smile throughout the day and snap less at me because G.S. wrote something that made you think he was similar to youā because in reality, with the way you viewed meā entirely my fault by the wayā it would never be possible.ā He took a deep breath after saying that.
āAnd I realisedāā He paused, just for a second, like he needed to steady himself. āI liked it. I liked you. Not that I didnāt already like you, butā but I was falling. Like really deep.ā
Something inside you twisted painfully. Your lips parted, but you couldnāt force out a response. You had spent the past three days agonizing over the idea that he had been toying with you, that this had all been some elaborate joke, but thisāthis was different. This was Gojo Satoru, stripped of his usual bravado, laying his feelings bare in a way that felt like it might physically hurt him.
āThen why didnāt you tell me?ā you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Gojo let out a sharp, humorless laugh. He looked away, shaking his head as he rubbed the back of his neck. āBecause Iām an idiot?ā he said dryly. Then, quieter, āBecause Iām Gojo Satoru, and I figured youād never take me seriously?ā
Your chest tightened at that.
Before you could process that, he spoke again.
āI know I was arrogant. I know I still am arrogant,ā he muttered, his lips curling bitterly. āI push too hard. Iām too much. I act like I know everything, and maybe I do most of the time, butāā He swallowed thickly. āThose annotations⦠they were the only time you ever saw me.ā His voice had dropped lower now, almost vulnerable, and something about it made your pulse stutter.
āNot the dumbass you argue with in class. Not the rich kid with the perfect grades. Not the guy who has to prove heās the smartest person in the room.ā He let out a slow breath. āJust⦠me.āĀ
The silence between you stretched, thick and charged.
Gojoās hands clenched at his sides, his knuckles going white. He looked like he was bracing for impact, like he had just thrown every last piece of himself at your feet and was waiting to see if youād step on them. Your fingers trembled slightly as you reached for him.
Thenā
You stepped forward. Gojo stilled the moment your fingers brushed against his hoodie, his breath catching in his throat. He stood up, towering over you, an unfamiliar glint in his cerulean eyes. You hesitated, your fingertips barely grazing the fabric before curling into it, fisting it lightly like you needed something solid to hold onto. His whole body went tense under your touch, his usual easy confidence absent now, replaced with something far more uncertaināfar more vulnerable.
āYou really are an idiot,ā you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath against the space between you. His lips twitched, like he wanted to smirk, wanted to tease, wanted to be Gojoābut he didnāt. Instead, he just let out a shaky breath. āYeah?ā
You swallowed hard, your fingers tightening against his hoodie. āYeah.āĀ
The word hung in the air between you, weighty and full of something neither of you had the strength to name. And thenābefore you could second-guess yourself, before doubt could creep ināyou surged up onto your toes and kissed him. Gojo made a startled sound against your lips, his whole body going rigid for half a second, like he couldnāt quite believe what was happening. But thenāslowly, desperatelyāhe melted into it. His hands found your face, cupping it with a tenderness that made your heart twist. His palms were warm, his grip firm, like he was terrified youād slip away, like he needed you to know this wasnāt a joke to him. That it had never been. He kissed you like a man making up for lost timeādeep, searching, like he had been waiting for this moment far longer than even you had realized. When he tilted his head, his lips pressing more firmly against yours, you felt itāall of it.
Every unspoken word. Every missed chance. Every moment that had teetered on the edge of this but never quite fallen. His fingers slid into your hair, his thumb brushing softly against your cheek, like he was memorising the way you felt beneath him. Your heart was a wild, unsteady thing in your chest, thundering against your ribs as you pressed yourself closer, your hands sliding up from his hoodie to clutch at his shoulders. Gojo let out a quiet, almost desperate sigh against your lips, like he had been holding back for so long that finally getting to kiss you was unraveling him.
And maybe it was.
Because as much as you had spent the past few days convincing yourself that this had all been a game to him, thisāthe way he was holding you, the way his fingers trembled just slightly against your skinātold a different story. Gojo Satoru didnāt play games with things that mattered. And youāsomehow, impossiblyāmattered. When you pulled back, slightly breathless, Gojo just stared at you, like he couldnāt quite believe you were real.
Then, slowly, he grinned. āSo,ā he murmured, his thumb tracing your cheek. āDoes this mean Iām forgiven?ā
You rolled your eyes, but you didnāt step away. āDonāt push it.ā Gojo laughed, bright and real, before pulling you back into his arms.
āGod, do you know how beautiful you fuckinā are? It drives me insane,ā he mutters, his voice low and rough, sending a shiver down your spine. His breath is warm against your lips before he swoops down, capturing your mouth with his own again, his large hands grounding themselves against your waist as if heās afraid you might slip away.
You giggle against his lips, trying to push him off, but he refuses to budge. āS-Satoruāwait!ā Your protest is muffled, barely audible between the kisses he keeps stealing, his lips soft but insistent against yours.Ā
He lets out a quiet, needy sound, almost a whimper, his grip tightening on your hips. āShut up,ā he murmurs breathlessly, squeezing lightly at your waist as if that alone will silence you. āBeen waiting to kiss this pretty mouth for sooo fuckinā long⦠Let me get my fill, yeah?ā You barely have time to respond before his tongue swipes across the seam of your lips, coaxing them open. The second you allow him in, he kisses you deeplyādesperatelyāhis tongue sliding against yours, tasting, claiming. The soft little noises you make against him seem to spur him on, his fingers pressing firmly into your sides as he tugs you even closer. His legs bump against the edge of the bed, steadying you between his parted thighs, and the world around you fades, leaving only the two of you tangled up in each other.
A surprised squeak leaves your lips when his thumbs slip just beneath your shirt, brushing against your bare skin. His hands are cold, the contrast against your warmth sending a jolt of electricity through you. He laughsāa quiet, smug chuckleāand then the bastard has the audacity to bite your bottom lip in amusement. āShh,ā he teases, lips brushing against yours. āDonāt wanna get caught sneakinā into my dorm after hours, do you?ā
Before you can even process a response, his hands move to the backs of your thighs, gripping firmly as he lifts you off the ground with ease. A gasp leaves your lips, legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he manoeuvres you to the bed. He turns smoothly, lowering you down onto the mattress before climbing over you, his movements slow, deliberate, eager. And this time, you donāt hesitate. Your hands fist the front of his hoodie, yanking him down in a clumsy rush to kiss him again, your breath mingling with his as your noses bump. His glasses shift slightly from the movement, and with an annoyed huff, he pulls them off, setting them aside carefully before his gaze returns to youāhungry. His mouth is back on yours in an instant, moving with a mixture of urgency and something softer, something deeper. His lips trail from yours to your jaw, to the delicate skin of your neck, to the dip of your collarboneāhis hands following the path his lips leave behind, fingers toying with the fabric of your open jacket. He pushes it off your shoulders tentatively, almost testing, waiting for you to stop him.
You donāt.
A pleased hum vibrates against your throat as his confidence grows, his hands sliding over your arms, your waist, memorizing the shape of you beneath him. Your arms wrap around his neck, tugging him impossibly closer, like you could mold yourself against him if you just tried hard enough. The kiss is more than just the heat of the moment. Itās more than just the weeksāmonthsāof built-up tension. Itās the culmination of years of frustration, of stolen glances, of biting words laced with something deeper neither of you had wanted to acknowledge until now.
And maybe, maybe, itās also the weight of finally realisingāfully understandingāthat the only person who had ever been able to keep up with you, to challenge you, to drive you absolutely insane, yet make you feel like this⦠was him. Satoru groans against your skin, nipping at your neck as his hands slip beneath your shirt, his fingers splaying across your waist. But even in the heat of the moment, heās calculated. His lips map out a path of possessive little marks just below your collarboneāplaces that can be covered easily. Even now, heās thinking things through. Your breath hitches when his fingertips skim the skin of your hips again, this time firmer, testing. Your cheeks burn, and the words slip out before you can stop them.
āYou canāyou can take it off.āĀ
Satoru goes very, very still. You swear you can feel the exact moment he processes what youāve just said, the exact moment he realizes that you mean it. His hands tighten slightly against you, his breath coming out a little shakier than before. And for once, for onceāhe doesnāt have some cocky remark ready to go. Because this? This is real. And for the first time, Gojo Satoru doesnāt want to ruin it with a joke. He gently tugs your shirt up and over your head, eyes eyeing the new expanse of skin that has just been made available to him.
āMy gorgeous girlā¦ā
He whispers out, before heās back to lavishing your skin with attention, paying close attention to your breasts, lips lovingly, reverently moving across your skin with gentleness you hadnāt thought possible by him. You donāt know what possesses you, but something suddenly clicks and shyly, you unclasp your bra, leaving your entire upper half bare, making Satoruās breath hitch. And then, in a moment that takes you completely by surprise, he does something that makes your heart both melt and swellāif that was even possible.
Because instead of his usual teasing, instead of his cocky grin or some flirtatious remark that would make you roll your eyes, Satoru simply looks at you. Really looks at you. His intense blue eyes donāt dart downward like you half-expected, donāt darken with some unchecked hunger. Instead, they stay locked onto yours, unwavering, all traces of playfulness and impulsive need fading away. What replaces them is something quieterāsomething gentler. A tenderness that makes your breath catch, your chest tighten.Ā
Satoru, who always had a joke ready. Satoru, who always teased and never took anything too seriously. Satoru, who could have had anyone but had spent years bothering you insteadāstaring at you now like you were something fragile, something precious, something he wasnāt sure he deserved to touch. His throat bobs as he swallows, and then, carefully, softly, he speaks.
āAre you sure you wanna⦠do this?ā His voice is quieter now, laced with something that sounds an awful lot like uncertainty. Like heās terrified of ruining whatever this is. āIām notāpressuring you or anything, am I?ā His fingers twitch slightly at his sides before he hesitantly lifts a hand, reaching out toward youānot to pull you in, not to take what youāve offered, but to tuck a few strands of your hair away from your face. His touch is featherlight, barely there, but it sends warmth spreading across your skin.
āI justāā He exhales, gaze flickering between your eyes, searching, as if trying to read your thoughts. āI donāt want you to feel like you have to. If me kissing you made you think you needed to⦠yāknow, do anything moreāthen Iām sorry.ā The words leave his lips like a confession, like the idea of you feeling obligated to be with him hurts him. And thatāthat simple factāmakes something inside you ache. Because Gojo Satoru, for all his arrogance, for all his relentless teasing and larger-than-life presence, was standing before you now with uncertainty in his eyes. Not because he didnāt want thisāGod, did he want thisābut because he needed to be sure that you did too. For a moment, you just stare at him, your heart pounding so hard you can feel it in your fingertips.
Because this isnāt how you thought this moment would go. Not with himānot with Gojo Satoru. You had braced yourself for teasing, for him to say something infuriatingly smug, to grin like he had won some long-fought battle. But instead, he was looking at you with quiet hesitation, with care. With something that felt like love. Your throat tightens.
āSatoru.ā His nameā his first name, not Gojoā leaves your lips in a breath, barely above a whisper. His handsāso sure and confident only moments agoāremain frozen where they rest against your sides, like heās afraid that if he moves, youāll change your mind.
āI want this,ā you say, and you make sure there is no room for doubt in your voice. Your fingers curl around the fabric of his hoodie, grounding yourself in the feel of him. āIām not saying it just because you kissed me, or because I think I have to. I want this.ā His lips part slightly, but no words come out. His grip on you tightens just a fraction, like heās trying to make sure youāre real.
You take a breath, steadying yourself, because you need him to understandāreally understand.Ā
āIāve wanted this for longer than I want to admit,ā you confess, a nervous laugh bubbling up in your throat. Your fingers flex where they rest against his chest, feeling the steady thud-thud-thud of his heart beneath your palm. Heās warm, impossibly so, like heās radiating heat just for you. āAnd it scares me, Satoru. You scare me.ā His brows furrow, the corners of his mouth dipping slightly downward. āScare you?ā
You nod. āBecause you make me feel things I donāt know how to deal with. You drive me crazy. You make me want to strangle you half the time, and the other half Iāā Your voice catches, and you swallow thickly before continuing. āI want to be near you. I want you to look at me the way youāre looking at me right now.ā His hands slowly slide up your sides, not rushing, not pushingājust holding. His thumbs brush against your ribs, barely ghosting under the underside of your chest, but even that light touch sends a shiver up your spine.
āYou have to know this isnāt just some impulsive decision for me,ā you tell him, voice softer now, filled with something you canāt quite name. āI donāt do things just because theyāre convenient, or easy, or expected. I do them because I choose to.ā You reach up, cupping his face between your hands, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your palms. His breath stutters when you stroke your thumb over his cheekbone, and for the first time since youāve known him, he looks completely lost. āIām choosing you,ā you whisper, staring straight into those brilliant blue eyes. āNot because you kissed me. Not because of some annotations in a book. But because I want you, Satoru. I want this.ā
A shaky exhale leaves his lips, and for a second, you swear he stops breathing altogether. His grip on you tightens just enough for you to feel it, his fingers pressing into your waist like heās holding himself back. Then, slowly, so slowly, he leans in, forehead resting against yours. His breath is warm against your lips when he speaks.
āYou canāt take that back now, yāknow,ā he murmurs, his voice low and almost reverent.
āI wouldnāt dream of it.ā
In a flurry of kissing and movement, his hands roamed over your breasts, fingers pressing and kneading with a slow, deliberate touch that sent shivers down your spine. Every brush of his palm left a burning trail in its wake, making you arch into him, craving moreāneeding more. His lips never left yours for long, only breaking away to breathe, to murmur your name against your mouth like a prayer, before diving back in, desperate to claim every inch of you. Your own hands found their way under his hoodie, fingertips exploring the firm ridges and planes of muscle beneath. He was all taut sinew and warmth, his body solid beneath your touch, the faintest tremble betraying just how much he wanted this too. Heat pooled in your lower belly, a slow and delicious ache, as you pressed your palms flat against his stomach, feeling the way his muscles flexed under your touch.
And then you felt itāthe thin trail of hair below his navel, soft against your fingers, leading downward. Your breath hitched at the realisation, a flush creeping up your face as your hands lingered there, tracing along his happy trail. The sensation made him shudder, his breath stuttering for just a moment before he let out a low, breathy chuckle. āYouāre teasing,ā he murmured against your lips, his voice rougher now, his grip tightening slightly where he held you.
You shook your head, though your fingers betrayed you, still trailing feather-light touches just above the waistband of his sweats. āJust exploring,ā you whispered, emboldened by the way he reacted to your touch, the way his muscles tensed as if he was barely holding himself back. His entire body felt heavier now, weighted with desire as he sucked in a slow breath. His fingers twitched against your sides, like he was restraining himself, before he finally gave in.
With one fluid motion, he pulled his hoodie over his head and tossed it aside, leaving his torso bare. The sight of him knocked the air from your lungs. He was beautifulālean but strong, his chest rising and falling with uneven breaths, skin warm and golden in the dim light. The definition of his abs trailed down to his happy trail, disappearing beneath the waistband of his sweats. There was something intoxicating about seeing him like this, vulnerable yet utterly self-assured, the usual cocky glint in his eyes replaced with something softer, something just for you. You traced your fingers lightly over his stomach, watching the way his muscles tensed beneath your touch. His breath came a little heavier, his hands gripping your waist like he was holding onto the last thread of his restraint.
"You're staring," he teased, though his voice was lower now, rough around the edges.
"Maybe," you admitted, dragging your fingertips just a little lower, reveling in the way his breath hitched. His lips curled into a smirk, but there was a heat in his gaze now, something dark and wanting. āCareful,ā he murmured, voice barely above a whisper. āI might start thinking you like what you see.ā
Your pulse thrummed wildly, heat licking at your skin as you met his eyes.
āI do.ā
He gave you a full-blown grin, the kind that made his eyes crinkle at the corners, his canines glinting in the dim light of his dorm room. It was a look you had seen a hundred times beforeāmischievous, teasing, effortlessly confidentābut now, there was something else underneath it. Something softer. Something real. His hands, warm and slightly rough, hesitated at the waistband of your sweats, fingers grazing the fabric as if waiting for permission. His touch sent a shiver down your spine, anticipation coiling tight in your stomach. But despite the heat in his gaze, despite the way his breath was uneven and his chest rose and fell just a little too fast, he didnāt move forward. Not yet.
āAre you sure?ā His voice was lower now, quieter, cutting through the thick silence that had settled between you. His usual bravado was nowhere to be seenāno teasing remark, no cocky smirk. Just Satoru, looking at you like you were something delicate, something he wasnāt sure he was allowed to have. Like he was terrified of doing something wrong, of ruining this moment before it could fully begin. You could feel his hesitation in the way his fingers flexed against your waist, could hear it in the way his voice wavered just slightly, as if he was bracing himself for you to change your mind.
It made your heart ache. You reached up, cupping his face gently, your thumb brushing over his cheek. His skin was warm under your touch, and he leaned into it instinctively, like he couldnāt help himself. His breath hitched, just slightly, and you saw the way his lips parted, the way his lashes fluttered when your fingers traced along his jaw.
āSatoru,ā you murmured, voice steady despite the way your heart was hammering against your ribs. His eyes flickered to yoursādeep, cerulean, searching.
āIām sure,ā you whispered. āI want this. I want you.ā For a moment, he didnāt move, like he was letting the words settle, like he needed to make sure he heard you right. And thenā
He exhaled, something tight and heavy leaving his chest, and his hands finally gripped your waist properly, fingers digging in just a little, grounding himself in the reality of the moment.
āGod,ā he muttered, his forehead pressing against yours, his voice almost shaky. āYou have no idea how much I fucking love hearing you say that.ā
He gently coaxed you out of your sweatpants, hand finding itself atop your underwear, breath hitching at the dampness that was present. Seems like this fueled his ego a little bit too much, because the next thing you knew, the Satoru you knew was back.
āDang youāre wet as fuck.ā
You gave him a pointed look and he faltered, the smirk on his lips morphing into a grin as he ushered out apologies. Your hands clutched the sheets when his fingers began to gently touch you, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you eyed his hand with need. You couldnāt stay mad with him for long the way his fingers tugged the flimsy material down and began to work his hand between your legs. He grinned, experimentally probing around, ocean eyes half lidded.
āThis is where youāre weak, right?ā He murmured sensually, fingers finding your sensitive nub, eyes flickering up to watch your reactions, his pretty pink lips parted open in pleasure as he watched you come apart under him. He was precise with his fingers, circling you, teasing, pinching and rubbing, before thrusting in all the right spots, reaching places your own hand was unable to take you. Before long you had to let out muffled whimpers into his big palm that he had slapped gently across your lips; it covered almost the entirety of the lower half of your faceā you were a bit loud.Ā
Unable to take it anymore, you finally reached your breaking point, squirming underneath him as you came all over his fingers. Your chest was heaving, rising and falling in rapid succession, your breath coming in short, uneven pants as the aftershocks of pleasure rippled through you. Every nerve in your body felt like it had been set alight, over sensitised and trembling in the lingering warmth of his touch. Your skin was flushed, heat radiating from every inch of you, and the room felt impossibly small, like it was holding the weight of everything that had just passed between you.Ā
Hungry for more, you made quick work of his sweats, sliding them and his boxers down (pokemon boxers but you were too needy to make fun of him for it). Satoru loomed above you, shakily guiding himself to your entrance, pale lashes fluttering as he looked down at you. He was hardā had been hard the moment you two had started kissing, pressing up against you in a needy manner.
āSuāSure you can take it? Donāt need a break?ā He breathed out, referring to the fact that you had practically jumped at the opportunity to take things further right after having an earth shattering orgasm thanks to his lanky fingers.
āSo fucking sureā please, Satoru.ā You flutter your eyelashes up at him, and he swears he almost comes from the sight. He nods, leaning down to kiss your lips gently, all the while he ushers himself inside you slowly.Ā
Now you knew he had meant you not being able to take it because you might have been tired after your first orgasm, but now it felt more like he was warning you, because he was long, pressing inside of you deliciously. Once he had buried himself to the hilt, he halted in his tracks, giving you time to adjust. His face was screwed in pleasure, likely trying not to give in the urge to move. After a few minutes, when you deemed the feeling of him inside you as highly pleasurable and not the slight uncomfortableness that you initially felt while being split open in two, you murmured out a small āIām ready,ā and that was all it took for Satoru to start moving.
He kept up a slow, steady yet deep pace, his muscular form looming over yours, and for a moment, all you could do was look at him. The dim light of his dorm cast shadows along the sharp lines of his body, emphasizing the taut muscles in his arms, the sculpted contours of his chest, and the way his abdomen flexed with each controlled movement. His skin was flushed, a faint sheen of sweat glistening over his toned physique, catching the light in a way that made your breath hitch. His broad shoulders framed his lean build perfectly, his biceps taut as he braced himself above you, his fingers curling into the sheets as though restraining himself from losing control entirely.
And then there was his face. Messy white hair fell into his eyes, strands sticking to his damp forehead, and his lipsāGod, his lipsāwere parted, slightly swollen from kissing you breathless. His sharp jaw clenched subtly, his throat bobbing with a swallow, and when his gaze flickered down to meet yours, you felt like all the air had been sucked from the room.
His usual cocky grin was nowhere to be found. Instead, his expression was intenseāraw, focused entirely on you, like nothing else in the world mattered. His impossibly blue eyes, darkened with something deep and consuming, dragged over your face, your body, drinking you in like you were something precious, something his. āSatoruāā you breathed, voice barely more than a whisper, but it was enough to make him groan, his grip on your waist tightening as he dipped down, pressing his forehead against yours.
āFuck,ā he muttered, voice rough, strained. āYou have no idea how good you look right now. How good you feel right now.ā He moved his hands from your waist, his fingers trailing over your skin as he shifted, bracing his forearms on either side of your head. The new position brought him even closer, his body pressing against yours, heat radiating between you as he continued to move within you. His breath was heavy, mingling with yours, and for a moment, it was all-consumingāthe feeling of him, the weight of him, the slow, deep rhythm that sent shivers down your spine. When you had imagined being with Satoru like this, youād thought it would be⦠different. You had expected teasing, cockiness, maybe even some ridiculous commentary, because that was just who he was. You thought heād smirk down at you with that usual self-assured gleam in his eyes, crack some joke between kisses, whisper something infuriating just to make you blush. You had even braced yourself for the possibility of him being downright kinky, because he was Gojo Satoru, and he loved pushing limits.
But this? This was something else entirely.
This wasnāt just cocky flirtation or the result of years of pent-up rivalry and tensionāthis was intimate. It was raw, real, and so incredibly him, stripped of bravado and playfulness, leaving behind only the man in front of you. The one who had been waiting, wanting. The one who had loved you quietly, even when you didnāt know. His movements were deliberate, his touch reverent, his normally mischievous eyes dark with something softerāsomething deeper. When he leaned down, his lips ghosting over your cheek before pressing to the corner of your mouth, it wasnāt just a kissāit was a silent confession. A plea. A promise. His fingers threaded through your hair, brushing over your temple, before trailing down to cup your jaw with aching gentleness. āYou okay?ā he murmured, voice hushed, almost breathless. You swallowed, overwhelmed by the warmth in his voice, the concern laced into every syllable, and you nodded, reaching up to lace your fingers through the soft strands of his hair. āYeah,ā you whispered. āI just⦠I didnāt expect this.ā
A small, knowing smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He tilted his head slightly, pressing another lingering kiss just beneath your jaw, his breath warm against your skin. āDidnāt expect what?ā
āFor it to feel like this,ā you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. āFor you to be like this.ā
Satoru stilled for half a second before exhaling softly, lowering himself further so his chest was flush against yours. His nose brushed against yours, lips hovering just out of reach, and when he spoke, his voice was almost fragile. āI donāt think you realise how long Iāve wanted you,ā he murmured. āIt was never just some passing thing, yāknow? It was always you.ā Your chest tightened, your fingers gripping his hair just a little harder as his words settled deep within you. The air between you felt electric, charged, as if the weight of every unspoken feeling had finally caught up with you both. He kissed you againāslow, deep, purposefulāand you melted into him, your hands roaming over his bare back, nails lightly dragging along his spine. He let out a shaky breath, his forehead pressing against yours as he moved, his body fitting against yours so perfectly that it made your heart ache. There was no rush, no urgencyāonly the quiet, lingering touches, the shared breaths, the whispered words against flushed skin. It wasnāt just about desire or need anymore. It was about something much more.
And before long, you were coming again, whispered cries of his name leaving your mouth as you tightened around himā and if he had indulged in the feeling a second longer, he would have finished inside. He splattered on your stomach, hissing at the feeling, pale eyes fluttering shut. After a few seconds of basking in the afterglow, he quickly went into his bathroom, grabbing a warm washcloth to wipe your stomach down. Your breath came in quick, unsteady gasps, each inhale failing to steady the trembling in your limbs. A slow burn lingered beneath your skin, every nerve alight with the remnants of his touch. The air felt thick, pressing in around you, charged with everything that had just transpired. Heat clung to you, pooling in the spaces where his hands had been, leaving you adrift in the aftermath.
Your fingers curled into the sheets beneath you, gripping them like an anchor, like you needed something to steady yourself against the dizzying sensation still coursing through your veins. A shuddering breath escaped your lips, and you swore you could still feel the phantom imprint of his hands on your skin, the way they had mapped out every inch of you with a reverence that made your chest ache. Satoru was watching you.
You could feel his gazeāheavy, intense, something unreadable flickering behind those endless blue eyes. His hands hadnāt left your body entirely, his fingertips still resting against your hips, warm and grounding. There was something in his expression that made your breath catchāa mixture of awe and something softer, something tender. Like he couldnāt quite believe what had just happened, like he was committing every second of this moment to memory. He swallowed, his own breathing uneven, before he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your shoulderāslow, lingering, like he just needed to feel you. His lips brushed over your skin again, trailing up toward your jaw, soft and unhurried, as if he had all the time in the world.
ā
āāThe room was bathed in the dim glow of his bedside lamp, casting long shadows across tangled sheets and discarded clothes. Your body still hummed from the aftermath, warmth pooling in your limbs as you lay half-draped over Satoru, your cheek pressed against his bare chest. His heartbeat was steady beneath your ear, grounding you in a way you hadnāt expected. For a while, neither of you spoke. His fingers idly traced shapes along your spine, the touch featherlight and absentminded, while his other hand rested lazily on your hip, holding you close. You could still feel the heat radiating from his skin, the aftershocks of everything you had just done settling between you in the form of comfortable silence.
It was intimate, more than anything. More than the way he had touched you, more than the way he had moved inside youāthis moment, the stillness, the way he exhaled softly like he was content, was what made your chest tighten.
Then, of course, he ruined it.
āSo,ā he drawled, breaking the peaceful quiet. āWould it be weird if I rated that experience a solid twelve out of ten?ā You groaned, weakly smacking his chest, but he only laughed, the vibrations rumbling beneath your palm. āOh my God, Satoruāā
āI mean, I am the strongest,ā he continued, completely undeterred, stretching one arm lazily above his head. āSo it makes sense that Iād be great in every department.ā
āYou have got to be kidding me.āĀ
He grinned, tilting his head to peer down at you. His hair was a mess, white strands sticking out in different directions, and his lips were still kiss-bitten, smugness radiating off of him in waves. āOh, donāt worry, sweets, Iād never joke about my performance in bedāā
You smacked him again, this time harder, and he let out a dramatic oof, clutching his chest like youād wounded him.
āYou were being so sweet just a second ago,ā you muttered, pouting as you nestled closer against him. āWhy do you have to ruin it?ā Satoru chuckled, his arms wrapping securely around you as he pulled the blanket over both of you. āCāmon, you wouldnāt want me any other way.ā
You sighed, exasperated, but deep down, you knew he was right. He shifted slightly, rolling onto his side so he could face you properly, one long leg tangling with yours. His hand came up to brush a stray strand of hair from your face, his touch softer than you expected after all his teasing.
āā¦Was it really okay?ā he asked, voice quieter this time. Almost hesitant. Your heart ached at the sincerity laced in his words, the way he was still Satoru, even after everything. Still checking in. Still making sure. You smiled, cupping his face in your hands as you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. āIt was perfect.ā
A slow, almost shy smile spread across his face, and for a moment, the cockiness was gone, replaced by something softer. Something real.
Then, of courseā
āPerfect, huh? So you are saying Iām the best youāve ever hadāā
āGOJO SATORU, I SWEAR TOāā
His laughter rang out through the dorm, loud and unfiltered, and despite yourself, you couldnāt help but laugh too, the warmth of it curling around your heart. The warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing, the lazy way his fingers traced along your spineāit was all lulling you into the kind of peace you hadnāt felt in a long time. The teasing had settled into something softer, something quieter, and as sleep tugged at the edges of your consciousness, you thought that maybe, just maybe, you could stay like this forever. Satoru shifted beneath you, his hand sliding from your hip to your waist, pulling you just a little closer. His lips brushed your temple, his breath warm as he murmured, āHey.ā
You hummed in response, not quite opening your eyes. His fingers tapped against your skin, hesitant. āBe my girlfriend.ā
That woke you up. Your eyes fluttered open, your head lifting slightly to look at him. āHuh?ā
He huffed out a soft laugh, like he couldnāt believe he had actually said it. The Satoru everyone else knew was loud, arrogant, untouchable. But right now, he was just a boy with messy white hair and sleep-heavy eyes, holding you close like he was afraid you might slip away.
āI mean,ā he continued, clearing his throat, āweāre already doing all this. And I like you. A lot. Soā¦ā He exhaled sharply, his thumb brushing over your waist. āBe my girlfriend.ā Your heart clenched at the quiet sincerity in his voice, at the way he was looking at you like you were the only thing that mattered. It wasnāt a joke. It wasnāt just another one of his playful remarks. This was real. A slow smile spread across your lips. āWow. That was kind of romantic.ā
He groaned, tipping his head back against the pillow. āDonāt make this harder than it needs to be, sweets.ā You giggled, shifting to prop yourself up on one elbow, fingers threading through his hair. āYou really like me?ā
He turned his head back toward you, his eyesāthose striking, endless bluesāsoft in the dim light. āYeah,ā he said simply. āI really do.ā Your chest felt too full, your heart racing faster than it should have been after everything youād already done tonight. But it wasnāt nerves or fearāit was excitement, warmth, the dizzying rush of knowing Satoru Gojo, of all people, wanted you in a way that wasnāt fleeting.
āOkay,ā you whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. āIāll be your girlfriend.ā He grinned instantly, arms wrapping around you as he rolled you onto your back, settling half on top of you with a triumphant look. āTook you long enough to say yes,ā he teased, but the relief in his voice gave him away.
You laughed, shaking your head. āI hate you.ā
āLiar,ā he murmured, kissing you again, slow and deep, like he was trying to seal the moment in time. And maybe he was. Maybe you both were.
ā
Getting into a relationship with Gojo Satoru was like being swept into a whirlwindāone that was loud, chaotic, and entirely consuming. Everyone around you had the same reaction when they found out: About time.Ā
Shoko had rolled her eyes, exhaling smoke from her cigarette as she smirked. āHonestly, I thought you guys were already dating. Youāre both just that disgusting.ā Nanami had simply given Gojo a long, knowing look before shaking his head, muttering something under his breath about finally. Even Getoābefore everythingāhad grinned, clapping Satoru on the back and saying, āI was starting to think youād never get your head out of your ass.ā
Satoru, naturally, took it all in stride, tossing an arm around your shoulders and grinning like heād won the lottery. āWhat can I say? She couldnāt resist me forever.āĀ
Your life since then had been⦠a lot. In the best way possible. Because being with Satoru meant being at the center of his world, whether you liked it or not. And he was obsessed with you. Absolutely obsessed. It was the way he always had to be touching youāhis hand warm on the small of your back, his fingers playing with yours, his arm slung around your shoulders. It was how he looked at you, like you were the most fascinating thing in existence, eyes always following you, filled with nothing but admiration. It was the teasingāāI get it, babe. Iām super hot, but please let me study for five seconds without you getting distracted by me.ā
It was the sweetnessābringing you your favorite snacks when you were stressed, pressing kisses to your temple when he thought you werenāt looking. Intertwining his large hand with yours and placing it in his coat pocket And, well, it was also the other thingsā
āSatoru, we have a lecture in twenty minutesāā
āPlenty of time, sweetheart. What, you donāt want to study with me?ā
āThis isnāt studying. Youāve been making out with me for the past ten minutes. And you really do need to stop. What if someone catches you in my dorm?ā
āCāmon, I canāt resist youāā
āSure you can, āToru.ā
āBut you love me.ā
You did. God, you did. And he loved you. He never let you forget it. Youād studied together for your physics final, working hard side by side. Even though Satoru acted like everything came easy to him, he did work for it. And so did you. You spent countless nights pouring over equations, bouncing theories off each other, fighting over who got to use the good highlighters.
And when results day cameā
āOh my God,ā you whispered, staring at your score.
100%. Your hands trembled slightly as you clutched the paper, the weight of all those late-night study sessions, the stress, the endless debates with Satoru over formulas and theoriesāeverything culminating in this moment. Pure, unfiltered pride swelled in your chest. Before you could fully process it, a loud whoop filled the air.
āYES! I knew it!ā
Suddenly, you were lifted off your feet, spinning in a dizzying circle as Satoruās wild laughter bubbled over. His strong arms wrapped around you, keeping you pressed to him as he twirled you around the hallway like an overexcited kid.Ā
āMy babyās the smartest person in the world!ā he crowed, not caring about the amused stares from your classmates. āGeniuses bow to you! The world kneels before you! Einstein weeps in his graveāā
You were laughing breathlessly by the time he finally set you down, his hands still firm on your waist as he grinned down at you. Your heart swelled at his excitement. āYou did well too, right?ā
āPfft, of course.ā He flipped his own paper up dramatically, flashing his score.
99%.
āI mean,ā he sighed, shaking his head with mock sorrow, āyou totally obliterated me, absolutely wrecked my pride, but itās fine. Matter of fact, I think it was the fact I didnāt revise Bernoulliās principle enough that resulted in me getting only 99%-ā
In another world where he wasnāt your boyfriend, you would've smirked and gloated about beating him, and he wouldāve snapped back with something equally smug. But instead, all you felt was prideāpure, unrestrained pride for him. You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. āIām so proud of you.ā Satoru melted into you, his arms encircling your waist as he hummed into your shoulder. āMmm, say it again. I like hearing that.ā You chuckled, pulling back slightlyājust enough to see the sheepish grin creeping onto his face.
āActuallyā¦ā he started, rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes glinting with something suspicious. You frowned. āWhat?ā He exhaled dramatically. āYouāre probably gonna kill me when you hear this.ā Your eyes narrowed. āSatoru.ā
āOkay, okayāā He raised his hands in surrender, before leaning in like he was telling you a juicy secret. āTechnically, I got a 99 on the midterm.ā You blinked. āā¦What?ā He grinned. That smug, trouble-making, up-to-no-good grin. āBuuuut you looked so beautiful when you were all happy about your score, so I lied and said I got 95 last minute.ā
Your mouth dropped open. āYouāWHAT?!āĀ
Gojo Satoruāthe cockiest, most competitive man you knew, the one who never let anyone forget how brilliant he wasāhad lied about an exam score for you? He burst out laughing at your expression, reaching out to ruffle your hair. āDonāt go feeling all bad about it, sweets. This final weighed more than the midterm, so technicallyāā he booped your nose, āāyouāre better than me.ā
You were still reeling, warmth spreading through you as you realised he had lied to see you happy. āYou changed your answer for meāā
āYeah, yeah.ā He waved off your shock, smirking. āIām the best boyfriend in the world. You can say it out loud, babe.ā You rolled your eyes, exasperated, before tugging him down into a kiss.
He instantly responded, his grip on your waist tightening, his lips warm and eager against yours. The teasing faded for just a second, replaced by something softerāsomething real. When you finally pulled back, he looked way too smug.
āā¦Still smarter than you, though,ā you teased, just to knock him down a peg. Satoru gasped, clutching his chest dramatically. āOh, you absolutely crushed my heart and then ate itāā
Before you could react, he suddenly straightened, towering over you with a wicked glint in his eye. His large hands slid around your waist, ushering you closer until your bodies were flush against each other. His voice dropped, suddenly deep and velvety, amusement laced with something more sensual. āGuess youāll just have to make it up to me in bed, huh?ā
You groaned, immediately shoving at his chest. āYouāre the worst.ā
āYour worst.ā He waggled his eyebrows, entirely unashamed. You shoved his face away, laughing as he grinned, easily catching one of your wrists in his hand. Instead of saying anything else, he simply lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss to your wrist, his lips warm against your skin.
ā
Later that night, you were curled up in his dorm, forcing him to watch Whisper of the Heart. He had grumbled and groaned, saying heād already watched it way back in high school and that he "totally got the whole love and dreams thing," but you still made him sit through it. He spent the first twenty minutes sulking, arms wrapped around you from behind, chin resting on your shoulder like a spoiled cat.
āIām way better than Seiji,ā he huffed after a particularly sweet scene. āLike, a million times better.ā You snorted. āJealous of an anime boy, Satoru?ā
āIām just saying,ā he drawled, tightening his arms around you. āIf I was in this movie, she wouldnāt even look at him.ā
āUh-huh.ā You leaned back against his chest, enjoying the warmth. āSure, babe.ā His fingers absentmindedly toyed with the hem of your sleeve, and for a while, you both watched in silence, the glow of the laptop screen painting soft shadows over the room. Halfway through the movie, you reached into your bag to grab your laptop, but something tumbled out and hit the floor with a soft thud. You blinked at the familiar cover of the last book.
āOh crap,ā you muttered, picking it up. āI forgot to return this.āĀ
Satoru turned his head, eyes narrowing. āWaitā¦ā He plucked the book from your grasp, flipping through the pages with an expression that immediately made you suspicious. āYou didnāt return this yet?ā You nodded, smiling sheepishly. āGuess I kinda forgot.ā His fingers slowed as he reached the back cover, eyes landing on the borrowing log where the name āG.S.ā had been scrawled in blue ink.
For a moment, he just stared. His thumb ran over the initials like he was absorbing the weight of them, of what they had meant to you before you knew the truth. His usual teasing expression softened, something almost nostalgic flickering in his eyes. Then, in a slow, deliberate motion, he grabbed a pen from his desk, twirled it between his fingers, and, without saying a word, carefully crossed out āG.S.ā
You watched as he replaced it with something elseāhis full name, written neatly, in the same familiar shade of blue ink in the column beneath the crossed out G.S. He paused, then handed you the pen. Understanding settled between you like an unspoken promise. Without hesitation, you leaned down, pressing the tip to the page to the column under his name, adding your own in smooth, looping letters.
The same date. The same ink. Together.
Satoru stared at it for a long moment, his usual cocky grin nowhere in sight. Then, slowly, a smile spread across his lips, something softer, something fonder. He looked at you with that unreadable, almost reverent gazeāthe one that always made your breath catch. And then, with absolutely no warning, he grinned and yanked you straight into his lap.
āSooo,ā he murmured, lips brushing your ear as his arms locked around you. āHow does it feel to know youāve been fantasising about me this whole time?ā You groaned, swatting at his arm. āSatoruāā
He just laughed, effortlessly dodging your weak attempts at smacking him. āNah, nah, donāt try to deny it! I knew you had a crush on me.ā
āI did notāā
āG.S.,ā he sing-songed, his breath warm against your skin as he nuzzled into your shoulder. āYou thought I was some mysterious, tortured genius. Bet you used to daydream about me in class, dāyou think I showed up as some mysterious faceless guy in your wet dreams?āā You grabbed a pillow and shoved it into his face. His muffled laughter rang through the room, and when he pulled the pillow away, he was still grinning. He kissed your shoulder, lingering there for a beat longer than necessary.
And this time, you let him gloat.
a/n: summary of this entire fic basically (art creds to su2kuna on š)
sorry if there are error/grammar mistakes or slight plot issues uni is lowkey gnawing at the folds of my brain and a girl gets sick of reading 32k words over and over again.. but i hope you all enjoyed reading this because i really enjoyed writing it :) huhuhuhu much love
summary: You had always heard a weird, mocking voice in the back of your head telling you that the things were going to end just like that between you and Satoru. The Prince and the Pauper. You were destined to eventually drift apart.
Or not?
tags: AU, angst to fluff, breaking and making up, classical disparities, insecurities, gojo is a certified loverboy and a yearner as usual. mdni! eventual smut, p in v sex, soft emotional sex. nobamaki cameo!
MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT! PLEASE HAVE YOUR AGE IN YOUR BLOG!
word count: 13.9k
author's note: hi everyone!! this is not the oneshot i wanted to finish in may, but i had some ideas brewing for quite a long time, though the concept is not really original. happy ending won, soooo enjoy and let me know your thoughts! art in the banner by @/yamada_souko. dividers are mine.
Looking back, you realised you had never got it easy for Satoru.
The tale as old as time: the Princess and the Pauper. Or, in your case, the Prince and the Pauper.
And you couldn't put it in a better way.
Satoru Gojo ā the Prince of the campus, the heir to the Gojo Enterprises, the man who would get the business world in the palm of his hand, the captain of the university basketball team, whose face was plastered all across the campus, the president of the Alpha Delta Nu, so on and so forth. You got the gist. The crowd parted before him, the Universe shifted itself to accommodate his presence: he walked in every room as if he owned it, which he pretty much did ā ruling every place with a charming grin and a quick wit. Guys were wishing to be like him. Girls were dying to be beside him. He barely granted anyone more attention than needed ā keeping people at arm's length, except for a couple of his friends. Of course, you didn't belong to them. Not like you desperately wanted to. You were well aware of the hierarchy of the university: people like Satoru Gojo rested at the top, eyeing the crowd down. People like you? Scrambling to get to the middle. If you were lucky enough.
One spring day, you realised that either Satoru Gojo didn't know about those unspoken rules or couldn't care less about them. Because you couldn't come up with a plausible explanation for why he suddenly started pestering you. Or, in his eyes, flirting.
It began rather innocent: him accidentally bumping into you, flashing an apologetic grin; asking for a vacant place at the cafetery at your usual table in the corner, the one where the noise cut down a little and you had a better view on the students ā naturally, that place become the center of everyone's attention, because wherever Gojo was, the crowd followed; helping you to get a book from the highest shelves in the library and then crushing your study sessions; waiting for you after the classes just to walk you out to the next campus with an excuse that it was on his way (it didn't. Business majors classes were hold in the corpus 20 minutes away from yours).
At first, you politely declined every single invitation to a frat party or a match. Then you tried to ignore him, but your disinterest would even more pique Gojo's attention. After this, it turned into clipped, gritted-out "no's". You even attempted to talk to his friend, Shoko Ieiri, the girl you shared the Advanced Chemistry class with.
"I don't think there's something I can do," she would murmur, eyes firmly set on some sample through the microscope, when you turned to her as a last resort. The sigh that left your lips was truly desperate. Shoko's gaze softened a tad as she looked up finally, since your presence kept looming over her like a tiny, grumpy cloud. "Satoru can be pretty stubborn, unfortunately. Especially, when he's pretty set on something."
"Yeah," scoffing under your breath, you crossed your arms, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest. "Unfortunately for me. Am I another check mark on his to-do list? I just don't get it." The pencil in your hand almost snapped from the strength of your grip.
"Listen, I am not in a position to advice your something or anything," Shoko's lab chair screeched ā the sound annoyingly loud in the tense silence of the lab ā as she turned to face you fully. The irritation at her words flared up in you, but you forced yourself to listen to her. If not her, then who?! "But you might try to hear him out. He's not that bad of a guy."
Grimacing at her, you turned to return to your own table. "If he's not that bad, he would've taken a hint long ago."
An indifferent shrug was the only response you got.
After talking to Shoko, Gojo's pitiable attempts at "courting" you had weakened severely until coming to a complete halt. You couldn't believe your luck. But what annoyed you even more than Gojo himself was the way you would jump at seeing the familiar spark of frosty white hair in the crowd; the way your heart would do a little flip at the sound of his distant chuckles. The way the loneliness would engulf your usual table in the corner of the cafeteria without his company: you subconsciously craned your neck to see him, for all his persona and the impossible height were impossible to miss, and slumped in your seat, when he didn't happen to stroll in with a familiar effortless grace in his stride. In the quietness of the library, after the countless hours of studying, you could basically hear the grin in his voice as he handed you a couple of blueberry muffins and the bergamot tea from your favourite bakery ā you didn't have the slightest idea how he managed to find out your usual order ā and tapped on your nose, remarking that you actually should eat.
Somehow, Satoru Gojo annoyed you enough to...like him. Managed to creep under your skin like an itch you couldn't get rid of.
Or⦠didn't want to?
***
One basketball match changed everything.
"Sorry, sorry, ohā sorry again," you mumbled awkwardly, navigating through the crowd and somehow managing to balance two beer cups on your way to your seats.
"Geez, finally, where have you been?"
Rolling your eyes at Nobara, your bestie slash roommate slash the only person who made your university life not so miserable, you handed her the cup and tried to shout through the cheerladers' voices, the endless roaring of the crowd and the music coming loud from the speakers.
"There was a line!"
"Huh? What?"
"THERE WAS A FUCKING LINE!"
She took a sip from her cup with a satisfied nod and grimaced at you. "Don't scream at me."
Her audacity stole your voice, and you slumped down in your seat, huffing rather indignantly.
"Hey, don't pout. Sorry for that." Nobara lightly elbowed your side and opened a pack of salted peanuts, offering you a truce.
"Can't believe I agreed to go with you," a light grumpiness coloured your voice as you drank from your own cup.
"Aw, that's because I am awesome and you love me so, so much," she chirped gleefully and planted a kiss on your cheek. With her head on your shoulder, Nobara sighed dreamily at the sight of Maki Zenin ā the manager of the university's basketball team. "She's so cute, isn't she?"
Meanwhile, Maki gestured widely, screaming something at her phone (not very pleasant as you might assume from your seat) and threw her bag at a guy in front of her. The guy followed her figure with puppy eyes.
Your lips twitched with a barely concealed smile that you hid behind another swig. "An angel, truly."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"
Her words fell on deaf ears because at that moment, some airy melody rang from the speakers, followed by the joyful voice of the commentators to finally announce the start of the match.
Swallowing nervously, your eyes darted across the court, and the moment your gaze landed on the tall figure with stark white hair, your heart galloped at a racing speed.
"Who are you gawking at, huh?"
Gojo might've really had the eyes on the back of his head ā he wasn't called Six Eyes for nothing, some weird sixth sense that you assumed related only to the basketball court ā because that very moment he turned around and briefly scanned the audience. His eyes widened in surprise as he spotted you: the bright blue of his gaze and the joyous smile that broke on his face caught you so off guard you nearly dropped the cup. Like he was happy to see you there. Actually happy.
You offered Gojo a shy wave ā a subtle move of your fingers ā that only made his grin wider. Then, Suguru Geto tapped on his shoulder, and he quickly turned back.
Your hand fell limply to your side.
"Babe, what the hell was that?" Nobara hissed, jerking her chin towards the players gathered around for the last guides from the coach Yaga. "Have you just casually flirted with Satoru Gojo? Don't you hate his lungs?"
The next words came in a breathy voice. "I don't know anymore."
Your knowledge of basketball was rather... limited, but you dutifully roared along with the crowd the moment your university scored yet another point. The people's excitement was contagious, seeping right into you as well and lacing your voice with joy. You booed at the judge when he gave advantages to the rivals, screamed at the top of your lungs and held your breath at the last quarter. Your team went neck-and-neck with the other, and every point was crucial. You could see it in the way the player's uniform was drenched in sweat, their hair stuck to their temples, and laboured breathing. The stakes were too high.
The scorebox showed the fifteen seconds left ā mere moments for you and the whole eternity for those at the court. Your eyes drifted to Gojo, as driven to him by some unknown force. His sharp gaze quickly darted from one teammate to another, calculating the last opportunities to score. And then...it found you amidst the sea of spectators. Cheeks flushed, hair a total mess, chest expanding with deep breaths. A small grin tugged at the corner of his lips as he took you in. Adorable.
But for you, the moment Gojo's gaze landed on you felt completely different ā resembling more of a bolt of lightning that sent every nerve in your body on fire. You couldn't hear your own thoughts with the blood pounding at your temples.
Gojo barely tilted his head, nodding towards the basket and mouthed.
"This is for you."
He dodged one guy, then the other with perfect dribbling ā you barely saw anyone in their element as much as Gojo was at the basketball court ā and finally went for a shot.
Time seemed to stop moving in the gym of the Jujutsu University. The hundreds of eyes watched the ball cutting through the air with an impeccable trajectory.
Until it went through the net without hitting the rim and sealed the win.
You barely released a shuddering breath when Nobara crushed you in a hug, her beer mercilessly spilling on you both, but no one gave a damn. The crowd erupted with an ecstatic cheer and rose to their feet right then and there. The commentators were on the verge of crying, judging by their voices, but your world narrowed to one particular person. Gojo's teammates ruffled his hair, patted his back, and hugged him by the shoulders; someone even put him in a playful headlock, to which he responded with a wide grin.
A tight knot in your chest slowly seemed to loosen a bit.
Gojo found you later, at the party.
You stood a little away from the crowd, watching Nobara laughing with Maki Zenin near the bonfire. The light painted her auburn hair in copper tints every time she tilted her head, and judging by the way Maki's gaze lingered on her form, she noticed that too. A little smile curled your lips at the sight of lovey-doveys.
"Your friend has a crush on Maki, huh?"
Putting a can to your lips, you mumbled absent-mindedly, "She's pretty obvious."
"They both are, actually."
A light brush against your shoulder finally caught your attention. You lazily shifted your gaze, only to gulp at the sudden proximity to Satoru Gojo.
He stood beside you, hands tucked in his pockets, watching the rest of the party unfold with a faint smirk on his face. Standing there, existing, like he wasn't the one who flipped your world upside down a couple of hours earlier.
A forced smile made your cheeks hurt as you tumbled out nervously, hastily wiping your mouth, "I amā I, I mean, congratulations! You did so great! I don't understand much about basketball, but youā," your worried your bottom lip for a second before breathing out, "you were magnificent."
At your words, Gojo finally turned around. His grin softened into a gentle smile that showcased a pair of dimples on his pale cheeks. The firelight danced on his hair strands that seemed more ivory tinged now.
"You think so?"
"I do!" A sudden feeling of boldness flooded you as you stepped forward and reached for his arm to show how sincere you were. Or maybe it was just a beer.
Gojo immediately cast his gaze down and slowly wrapped his long fingers around your wrist. You gulped, but didn't look away from his face. The gods clearly spared nothing in sculpting it, otherwise you couldn't explain the sharpness of his jaw, the plumpness of his lips and the prominence of his cheekbones.
No one had a right to be that beautiful. Satoru Gojo wasn't aware of it.
His thumb pressed just a tad against your soft skin to feel an erratic pulse beneath it, but you did not attempt to pull your hand away. On the contrary, it felt strangely...natural.
"I am glad you were there." A gentle murmur hit you harder than expected.
Breath bated, you searched Gojo's face for any hint of the usual theatrics and grandeur until you saw none.
"You are?"
"Yeah".
The words about the last shot were on the tip of your tongue already, but they quickly died at the sight of shimmering blue in his eyes as Gojo finally looked up and released your hand from his grip.
You already missed its warmth.
"Listen, I knew I was a jerk towards you. Crowding and flirting and so on. I know, I know," a self-deprecating chuckle left his lips as the ironic roll of his eyes followed. You watched every expression, soaked it like Gojo was about to disappear again from your life. "I am not proud of this, I admit. I want to apologise to you for this."
You parted your lips to answer, but Gojo cut you off with a slight shake of his head.
"But I am not going to apologise for my feelings," his voice grew stronger, rising from the gentle murmur to the steady tone, eyes boring into you with an unsettling intensity that left you speechless. The people's cheerings fade into the background, and that chilly evening, thick with emotions so deep you couldn't name them, enveloped both of you in its bubble.
"I meant everything. I do like you. I like the way you smile when you finally grasp the concept you've been studying. The way your voice goes all that animated when you talk about the book you were reading. That little sparkle in your eyes when you saw the last cherry pie in the cafeteria...I love it all. And that shot was for you. I really meant it."
"I am gonna ask you just this once, and if you reject me, I will step back and never bother you again. You have my word," the weight of Gojo's promise would almost physically pin you to the ground, if not for the desperation lurking behind his gaze, darting between your eyes and your lips. He forcefully tore it away to glance right into your face. "Will you go out with me?"
You didn't believe what you were about to say. But hey, that day was already weird enough. You offered Gojo a crooked smile. "Yeah."
"Just one date, you won't ā ", he blinked in surprise, a light frown crossing his handsome face. "Wait, what?"
You stifled a laugh and nodded, stepping closer, until you felt the hard planes of his chest. "I will go out with you."
A slow, almost dopey in its joy, grin curled Gojo's lips, until a small disbelieving chuckle left him. "You will? Just like that?"
Now you couldn't contain a smile either. "Just like that, Gojo."
A whoop full of happiness cut through the air and the noise of the party that slowly came to its eventual end as Gojo swept you off your feet and twirled you in a bone-crushing embrace. Your laugh was the prettiest sound Gojo had ever heard.
"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I swear you won't regret it!"
Satoru Gojo kept his promise. And many others he whispered in the dead of the night to you beneath the star-spilt sky. His hand was a steady anchor amidst the stormy life that awaited both of you. His voice offered you peace of mind when the world was a little too harsh for you. His fingers traced reverently the silk of your skin every time he shared a night with you. His gaze was the first you searched for in every crowded room. His arms had become the safest place in the world.
Satoru memorised the way you organised your life, but you were more than happy when he eventually disrupted your usual order. Not because he was doing that on purpose. Rather, since that was Satoru: he was too big for your world, and you didn't want him to shrink himself into someone he wasn't. Dimming Satoru's light was the last thing you wished.
He had learnt by heart the things that even you didn't pay attention to: for example, your toothbrush always had to face the door ā Satoru wordlessly turned it the way you preferred; your favourite plant was Zamioculcas that he made sure was always watered visiting you; you usually carried a few packs of wet cat food for the stray babies in your enormous bag ā he ordered large boxes, so you wouldn't run out of them; your drink of choice was Margarita that you shared only while hanging with Nobara ā Satoru learned on his way to pick you up; you hated the loud harsh sounds, and Satoru was the first one to whisper sweet nothings to you and rub soothing circles against the small of your back until you calm down. In other words, he made your life easier.
You, on the other hand, only added more difficulties to his. Satoru never told you that, not even mentioned in any way that you were somehow different from him. But some things didn't have to be pointed out to catch your eye.
Like his Prada glasses, which cost like your monthly rent or two. Satoru could leave them somewhere without batting an eye. Or the luxurious gifts he would get you out of nowhere just because you barely glanced at something while strolling. That warmed your heart, yes, but the cheque that Satoru couldn't care less about startled you. You stayed in the lab until you almost fainted from fatigue just to finish the project before the deadline to get an extra payment to spend on the gift, since you were adamant that the relationships were about taking and giving in equal measure. Not to mention the one social gathering he invited you to, just off-handedly, before the day it actually happened; you drained your bank account to look presentable by his side, and lived on the instant ramen the entire month after. Maybe if you had accepted Satoru's offer to live together, none of that would have happened, but you learned the hard way to rely only on yourself. Luckily, the iron argument sealed the deal: your tight schedules at the lab and his as a pro basketball player didn't match well.
The Gojo family was another... topic. While no one said anything directly to your face, you noticed the way their brows knitted in confusion for a fleeting second, eyeing you up and down. Sensed the baffled glances and fake, saccharine sweet smiles behind your back, questioning the fact of your presence. No. Your existence. The mere raise of the brow from one of Satoru's distant cousins at the sight of your shoes ā the ones you borrowed from Nobara, who got them after the Fashion Week in Paris, albeit last year's Dior collection ā had you doubting your entire life.
Complaining had never been on your list, though some thoughts did cross your mind. You made sure not to voice them, stoically listening to all the hushed whispers. Not once did your smile falter in front of them. It was the least you could do for Satoru. You knew he didn't have a lot of joy in standing up for you every single time, so, eventually, the gatherings got shorter, the invitations came rather rarely, and the calls, already small in number, would always leave him in a bad mood. The sound of your name appeared quite frankly between the gritted words and heated yells.
"Don't worry, baby," Satoru's lips always found the crown of your head in the reassuring kiss when you asked him what was going on. The bitterness in his voice poisoned your already tired, insecure mind even more. He was a master at hiding his emotions, but never from you. "I got this."
A strained smile ā the corners of your lips lifting just barely ā was your usual answer.
"Of course."
Satoru then offered you a quick grin that never reached his eyes. His large hands cradled your face in the gentle, trembling grip, and the faint murmur would twist yet another knife between your ribs. "I love you. I love you so much. You know that, right?"
Leaning into Satoru's palm like a kitten, seeking warmth, you bit inside of your cheek not to cry. Your hand came up to cradle his hand against your cheek just to memorise the way it perfectly engulfed your face.
"I love you."
Not to dwell on the way you voice cracked, akin to ice beneath one's feet, you simply moved forward to capture his lips in a kiss, until all you could taste were tears. Yours, his... Did it matter anymore?
And then, under the pale moonlight coming from the lone crescent peering right into the bedroom of his large penthouse, your gaze drifted unabashedly over Satoru's face, taking in every flutter of the long, snowy eyelashes. Every breath that left his lips. Every faint twitch in his expression, and even every tiny snore. Your finger tenderly traced the bridge of Satoru's nose, making its way to the perfectly sculpted mouth and down to the sharp cut of his collarbones. Committing each pale freckle and beauty mark to memory.
For you knew that night would be your last one.
Satoru loved you, and you loved him. He loved you fiercely, with the force so burning it could rival the Sun itself. It was only fair for you to step back and let him shine. Not to drive another wedge between him and his family. You loved Satoru enough not to burden him with your presence. He should soar up in the sky, not stay chained on the ground by the dead weight of you and waste his time knocking some sense into his parents.
A muffled sob escaped your throat as you pressed a small kiss between his collarbones. The next thing you felt was Satoru's strong arm curling around your waist to pull you against his strong chest. The faint smell of musk still clung to his skin, but you had never revelled in it as you did now.
"Why aren't you asleep, baby? Something's wrong?" Satoru's voice came in a deep, throaty tone that would usually have your toes curling.
The edge of the blade dug deeper into your heart, drawing blood.
"Nothing, love. Just some weird thoughts, that's all."
A boyish grin adorned his face ā so handsome even in the middle of the night ā as he lightly flicked your forehead.
"Your head will hurt from all the overthinking. Head so tiny, yet so many thoughts. Come here," Satoru let a shuddering yawn and tucked your head under his chin, nuzzling gently against your hair. "Better?"
Biting on your lip, you prayed to all the gods that Satoru wouldn't hear the tremble in your voice. The steady beat of his heart lulled you to sleep, but you knew you wouldn't close an eye that night. "Yes."
"Try to sleep, okay?" Satoru's finger came to play with a lone strand of your hair. The smile in his voice was evident. "And if you don't, just wake me up. We can talk or watch that documentary you mentioned earlier. I mean, did Tyra really not take any accountability?"
You gathered any ounce of your strength not to fall apart right then and there.
"Of course, Toru. Go to sleep now."
He sighed in mock exaggeration. "Always so bossy."
His chest rose steadily under your cheek. His skin felt warm under the weight of your palm. You registered it all subconsciously, clinging to every part of Satoru.
And only when his breath fully evened, you allowed yourself to whisper to the night.
"I love you. And I am so sorry."
***
You sincerely thought you were a nice girlfriend for scheduling your breakup over the weekend. Waited until Satoru finished showering and emerged all smiley and happy from the bathroom. Waited until he recalled all the TikToks he sent to you in the early morning, not even knowing you already had blocked him on all the socials. Waited until he dug in the last breakfast you cooked for him ā fluffy pancakes with strawberry jam.
"Babe, this is so delicious," Satoru hummed, pointing a fork at you. "Are you sure you didn't wanna become a chief? I mean, this is the gift from the heavens."
"I think we should break up."
Satoru paused mid-way, mouth still open. He slowly closed it and heaved a hollowed chuckle, chewing on the pancake with more force than necessary. "Very funny, sweets. An excellent joke."
Straightening in the seat, you furrowed your brows in confusion. Weren't you clear enough?
"I said we should break up."
That time, Satoru finally stopped chewing and slowly lifted his gaze at you. The electric blue pierced deep in your soul as he pressed again, "And I said it was an excellent joke."
"Satoru," the movement of your throat was sharp as you fumbled with words. "I am not joking."
The desperate flex of his fingers caught your attention immediately when Satoru curled them into a fist before taking a deep breath. The smile that carved into his lips was as sharp as the knife.
"Care to explain why?"
A thousand thoughts twirled in your mind those days like a restless whirlpool, each of them seemingly worse than the previous: "I don't love you anymore", or "You suffocate me with your love", and the traitorous "I cheated on you."
All of them lie, of course.
So, you settled on offering Satoru the least you could do ā the truth.
"We just don't work out, Satoru. It's better to break up before ā "your voice was so tiny and fragile, Satoru thought he was hallucinating: his worst nightmare coming to reality, " ā things get more serious."
The loud, screeching sound of the chair being pushed away, followed by a self-deprecating, disbelieving laugh, filled the room. You glanced up at Satoru only to find him pacing around like a caged animal. Your words punched him right in the gut.
"We don't 'work out?' Before 'things get too serious', huh? Sweets, that's gotta be a joke. The most shitty, not funny and cruel joke you have ever pulled on me, but okay," he nervously carded his fingers through the white hair, before walking to you. "Tell me this is it. Please."
You cast your gaze down, not able to see the way his eyes frantically searched your face for any hint of a joke and hear the crack in his voice, usually so steady and certain. A rock, a lighthouse in your stormy ocean.
The shake of his hands was violent as they came up to frame your face. You choked on a heavy sob, trembling like a leaf with the tears blurring your eyes so hard you couldn't see anything.
"But we were ā, are working just fine. Have I done something wrong? Is it because of me? Just tell me what to do, I swear I'll fix everything!"
"It's not about you, Satoru. Never has been. It's about me."
His white brows furrowed in confusion. "You? What about you? But you are perfect for me," he chuckled almost tenderly ā a small sound frayed around the edges ā that only ripped your heart out. "You listen to all my stupid jokes, know how many sugar cubes I put in my coffee, and put the curtains down because you know how sensitive my eyes are. You stayed with me at the hospital after the injury and cheered for me the loudest." His voice rose just a tad to coax a smile from you. "You have never told me how to be someone I am not. Always seen me, not the Gojo heir. Not the star player. How can it be about you? No one in the world knows me as well as you do. Like ā," his gaze swept across the room like something might've helped him to talk you out, "like your last Christmas gift, huh? That premium card you swore you just stumbled upon in the store, but I knew better how much it ā Wait."
Satoru's smile slowly died as the realisation downed at him like a wicked joke of fate. "No, no, no, no. That can't be it. Is that because of money? My status? I told you countless times that it doesn't matter to me! What I have is yours." His voice dipped into the fragile, almost sacred warmth that he reserved only for you. "All I have is yours."
You couldn't do that anymore. Not even in the wildest thoughts did it occur to you that breaking up with Satoru would hurt that badly. It rather resembled a never-ending torture.
He never understood it. Growing up in a family that barely made ends meet. Pouring your blood, sweat and tears into studies to get a tuition fee waiver, because there wasn't any other option for you to get into the university. Scraping by taking double shifts at the cafe. Fighting tooth and nail over the place in the chemistry lab.
And never would.
Pushing Satoru away, you closed your eyes in defeat before forcing yourself to look back at him. He didn't dare to mutter a word, watching your face twist with pain as you shouted.
"It matters to me! It matters to me, Satoru, how fucking inferior I feel next to you!"
Something in his gaze faded away. He didn't recognise his voice when it came in a short, fractured breath, devoid of all strength.
"What?"
A violent sob rattled your frame as you hid your face in your palms. You cried and cried and cried until your chest tightened with pain, and you managed to utter hoarsely. "Every time I get into your home, or every time someone sees me besides you, I want to run and disappear into the cave. Don't you see that, To ā Satoru?" No. He wasn't your Toru anymore. "I am like, dunno, a disastrous glob of ink on Monet's painting. A patch of dirt on the Versace gown. A bling-bling amidst Graff's and Harry Winston's. Well, you get it. Something to wipe away or hide in the closet. Someone who doesn't deserve to stand by your side."
"I don't get it," Satoru dragged his hands over his face and shook his head, letting out a humourless laugh. His eyes flashed with a weird gleam. "Did my parents or anyone at that point say something to you? Because if they did, I fucking swear ā"
"No one said anything to me, Satoru! It doesn't matter. Because they say it to you ā"
"And as I said, I don't care ā "
"BUT I DO!" The rise of your voice to a frenzied cry startled both of you. Satoru stared at you with a gaze so desperate that a kiss of the gun would've been more merciful. You fiercely wiped your snotty nose ā hell, you must've looked so ugly ā and walked over to cup his face. He watched your every move as if you were about to disappear. In a way, you were going to.
"I do not want anyone to say something about me to you. I do not want you to fight with your family over me. I want you to be happy. Do not be torn between me and the world you belonged to."
Satoru wanted to shake you by the shoulders just to knock some sense into your head, scream and shout what a total bullshit your words were, but instead, he got rooted to the spot by your doe eyes. His stomach twisted at your next words.
"You'll meet a beautiful, smart, and kind girl, who wears pearls that cost more than I will ever be able to make, plays Brahms at the family gatherings, and who doesn't turn red in the face, while asked about favourite Japanese modern artists. Well, now I know plenty." You couldn't help but huff a tiny chuckle. Nothing twitched in Satoru's face. "And you will fall in love with her, and your whole family will like her. Everything will be just fine."
Satoru couldn't believe what was happening. Nothing in his life could ever prepare him for the pain that would follow with your leaving him. It didn't feel real. Probably, never would.
He slowly tilted his head down and rested his forehead against yours, whispering, barely audible. Like every word cost him a fortune. "Please, baby, please. I swear on my life, I will do everything. Just don't leave me. I don't ā," Satoru's hands slip up your face as well, but you closed your eyes in defeat. Any ounce of strength left in your body evaporated. His arms fell to his sides as he croaked out helplessly. "I don't know who I am without you."
"You are you, Satoru. Always have been and always will be. A brilliant, wonderful, kind boy with a golden heart. And I..I am just me," you pressed your lips in a thin line before forcing a smile. "But I will work on it. As I said, it's all because of me."
"You don't get it." Somehow, Satoru's lifeless whisper hit you harder than any scream would. Because Satoru never raised his voice at you. Even now. There was a hunch to his shoulders that you rarely saw, if ever, as he turned from you and gripped the edge of the table. "I want to marry you. To become your family. But guess that doesn't matter anymore. Before things get too serious, huh?"
The room spun around you as you knitted your brows together, slumping in the nearest chair. Marrying⦠you?
But, on the other hand, it didn't change anything. You were still miles away from each other, standing on opposite sides of the societal hierarchy.
"I am so sorry, Satoru," words clawed up your throat as you shook your head.
Satoru finally turned around, and the dimmed, utterly devastated blue of his gaze tore you apart at the seams. "You are not sorry. If you were, you won't be leaving me now."
You didn't have enough in you to counter this. Words seemed meaningless, slipping like sand through your fingers.
"Please, Satoru. Let us go. It is for the better."
You had never seen an expression that hopeless and defeated on his handsome face.
"Is that what you want?"
"No," you wanted to scream, to shout, to cry out loud. "How can I possibly want to leave you? I have to. For both of us."
The silence stretched thin between you for so long, Satoru sincerely thought you didn't hear him. He stepped forward only to see you giving a short nod, almost cruel in its curtness.
After all, he never denied you everything. Even that. Even if it killed him from the inside.
Standing by the door with your bag, you couldn't help but steal a last glance at him. You parted your lips to say goodbye, but nothing even remotely plausible came to your mind. Satoru sat on the couch, shoulders slumped and gaze fixed on the floor. His name left your lips for the last time.
"Satoru."
His head snapped up as if he had been waiting for it that entire time. Maybe you changed your mind?
"Yes?"
That fragile hope in his tone twisted your insides.
"I love you."
Before he could answer, you slipped out of his apartments. And his life.
***
These months, the four agonising months, marked by Satoru's absence in your life, had sucked. Mildly put.
You sincerely thought you were doing the right thing ā well, still were ā breaking up, sparing his life from your presence, but it didn't mean it hurt any less. In a way, it was the opposite.
Pushing the love of your life away and then grovelling in the silence of your small apartment after putting on a brave face and assuring everyone that you were okay sucked. Crying yourself to sleep sucked. Feeling your heart breaking to pieces each time your gaze stumbled upon something that instantly reminded you of Satoru ā like a photo on the fridge, his note with a smiley, kissy face between the pages of your comfort book and the tome of the manga he was reading ā sucked. Walking around the places you used to hang out sucked.
What sucked even more was the fact that Satoru's presence seemed to linger everywhere. His laugh haunted you while you were lounging on the couch. The look of pure happiness on his face was ingrained in your mind while you were walking in a familiar park. And when your eye caught sight of a ball? Didn't even mention it. Perhaps that was your punishment. Now you were subjected to a lifetime of loneliness.
Still, you tried to do the thing you promised Satoru the final time you saw him. Attempted to go out of your shell. Took on some hobbies. Had a lot, a lot of time for self-reflection (given that you were free most of the evenings when you didn't throw yourself into work). And took small steps to discover what made you whole.
What and not who. That realisation sank on you with the force of a tidal wave. Kept you awake in three of the morning. Occupied all your thoughts until you finally, finally,Ā were getting used to it. Still, there was a lot to be done. You only wished for Satoru by your side, though. Were you allowed to think about him, after all?
The revelation, of course, only made your mind drift to Satoru even more. How was he? Was his injury getting better? Did his father officially appoint him as the next CEO?
Gods. You sure had no right to worry about him anymore. Not after breaking both of your hearts. An utterly desperate and lifeless look on his face flashed every time before your eyes when you closed them.
You dragged your feet back from the nearest combini: Friday had finally marked the end of a long, exhausting week (not like you had many left, huh) and you treated yourself with sushi and a bottle of wine. There was nothing you wanted more than to run a bath and put Sex and the City on, rotting under the blanket. It would've been thousands of times better if Satoru were there, but alas...
A few raindrops fell on the asphalt, successfully putting the train of your miserable thoughts to a halt, and you hurried to the entrance of your block. Quickly fishing a pair of keys, you glanced up from your bag as something caught your attention in the periphery, and you got immediately rooted to the spot.
You would recognise the set of those shoulders, now slightly hunched, everywhere. A grey hoodie did nothing to hide his figure. White tufts fell over his forehead under the hood, and something twisted viciously in your chest at the sight. Your fingers twitched with the urge to feel the silk of that hair under your touch.
You took a deep breath, trying to take a rein over your hammering heart, and stepped closer, calling the man out softly. Rather hesitantly.
"Satoru? What are you doing here?"
Satoru went rigid for a moment at your voice. His shoulders tensed even more. Your throat clogged up.
But then he turned around and smiled. A tiny, almost pathetic lift of his lips, and he offered you a small wave. Just like the one you gave him at that basketball match.
"Hi, ba ā" Satoru immediately corrected himself, wincing just for a second. His smile wavered, as did your composure. "Hi."
The effort that took you not to drop your things right then and run into his arms was only between you and the gods.
"Hello to you too." Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stepped forward. That totally wasn't the way you imagined that meeting would go.
"What are you doing here?" You prompted again, trying not to sound either harsh or desperate. Desperate to hear his voice. See his eyes. Look at his face.
"Just... was going around. Stumbled at your place. You still live here." Satoru lifted one shoulder in a nervous shrug, and his little smile morphed into a quick, uneasy grimace.
You didn't question those stalker-ish tendencies, but the doubt was clearly evident in an arch of your brow, because Satoru instantly raised his hands in surrender.
"No, really. I guess my legs just carried me there. Some memory, you know," he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, but then sighed, seeing your suspicion. "Come on, sweets. If I had been stalking you all that time, I would've done it way more discreetly."
That brought you some relief. "Guess you would've."
His Adam's apple bobbed with an effort. "Can we, uhm, talk?"
Something in your guts was telling you had a pretty good sense of the way this talk would go. You weren't sure it was the right time and way.
Casting your gaze down, you worried on your bottom lip before breathing out, "I'm ā I'm not sure this is a good idea, Satoru."
"Please", his voice took on a pleading edge. You closed your eyes for a brief moment. "I just want to know how you are. That's all."
He was lying. And he knew you were well aware of it.
But, in the end, wasn't that what you wanted?Ā To see him, at least? Well, here Satoru was.
Thunder roared somewhere in the distance, and you were pretty sure that soon you both would be drenched to the bone.
"Besides, you don't want to get me standing under the rain, do you?" An amusement curled Satoru's lips before he let a humourless chuckle. "Have some mercy on your ex-boyfriend."
That sounded like a slur coming from Satoru. You glared at him. His smile turned even sharper.
Torn between the current state of your... relationship, and the fact that Satoru was standing right in front of you, you completely didn't know what to do. You didn't part your ways that badly. And you had never wanted to be that person who would resent his ex and scowl at every mention of them.
Because that was never true. You loved Satoru. And, judging by the yearning lacing his gaze and the nervous flex of his hands as he awaited your response, he still loved you, too.
After minutes of debating, with the rain intensifying, you finally gave in and nodded towards the entrance.
"Get in."
Satoru's wide smile now resembled more of a child's on Christmas.
"Yes, ma'am."
The weight of Satoru's gaze, burning a hole in your back, felt rather physical. The tension in your kitchen threatened to suffocate you both, while you busied yourself with making tea and a gigantic cup of hot cocoa for Satoru.
You placed the drink in front of him, and Satoru shot you a small, curious grin.
"Whoa, marshmallows."
"Yeah," you still absent-mindedly bought them at the grocery store. Habit. "You know, three years of always getting your marshmallows weren't in vain."
Satoru looked at you as if he seriously considered offering himself as a sacrifice at your altar.
Damn those puppy eyes.
Rubbing your palms up and down your thighs, you cleared your throat and offered an awkward smile. God, you wanted the ground to swallow you. "So, uhm, how have you been, To ā Satoru?"
He pressed his lips together and leaned back in his seat, right hand on the back of it, like he was incapable of sitting straight. Well, some things never changed.
Satoru didn't look at you, instead glancing out of the window at the heavy rain, drumming against the windows.
"Not so good."
You immediately dropped your gaze, hugging the cup with sea āābuckthorn tea. The scorching liquid might've burnt your hands a little, but it was nothing in comparison with the sharp pain in your chest.
Licking your lips, you forced yourself to look up at Satoru. He was still staring at the rain like it held something only visible to him. The muscle in his jaw jumped.
"I am sorry, but ā"
Satoru released a long sigh and turned to you. You almost flinched at the sight of his eyes ā usually so bright blue, flashing with mirth and charm, now reduced to the lifeless, dull grey. Under the better light, you also noticed the dark bags under Satoru's eyes, the hollow in his cheeks and even the light stubble. You had never seen him like it. Like he aged ten years or more in those months.
That was all because of you, right?
Tears filled your eyes so fast you couldn't even blink them away, when you felt salt on your lips.
You wanted to apologise once again, but then Satoru leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, feverishly running his fingers through the white strands. Were you a little crazy, or even his hair seemed moreā¦ashy?
"I am not gonna lie, I have never felt more awful and pathetic and miserable ā well, you get it, in my entire fucking life," he waved his hand dismissively, and you closed your eyes just for a fleeting second, because you couldn't afford even a moment of not looking at him. That talk went even worse than you imagined. "But after you left, something hasā¦changed."
You sat upright and drawled hesitantly, "Likeā¦what?"
He huffed a humourless chuckle, and his eyes flashed with a weird, almost malicious glint. Your insides went cold.
"Well, I just told my father that he can suck my dick ā"
You slowly covered your face with one hand. That was not good. Very, very bad, actually.
" ā if he even for a moment thinks I was going to marry one of the girls he and my grandfather suggested. And then he started threatening to cut my trust fund off, blah blah, blah. Like I've ever given a single fuck about it."
Something in his tone was telling you that wasn't everything that had changed.
Satoru's voice sharpened in a way that could cut even the hardest steel.
"That was okay. Nothing I've heard before. But when he started talking about you," his voice dropped to a whisper and dangerously cracked. You couldn't hear it anymore. "That's where I draw the line. He knows that. Now everyone knows that."
A loud groan left you as you dropped your head in your hands.
"What have you done, Satoru?"
He just rolled his eyes. Harsh and sharp. "What I should have done, obviously. A long time ago. Tell all of them to fuck off."
"Oh ā"
"Mildly put," Satoru scratched his head with a mild grimace. "And then got kicked out of the house. Trust fund cut off, obviously."
You couldn't believe what you had just heard. Satoru might've thought that his words would somehow soften you, so you could coo at him or whatever. But never did he expect you to slam your fist against the table and grit throught your teeth.
"Have you fucking lost your mind?"
Satoru blinked in shock, watching you suddenly stand up and turn from him, your hands curled into fists by your sides.
"What?"
Taking a deep breath, you tore your gaze from the windows and threw your hands in the air.
"Are you an idiot?"
Well, that kind of hurt. "I don't understand."
"Satoru." Oh no, he knew that tone. That only meant you were seething with rage. There were no means of escape, especially as you loomed over him. "So let me get it straight. You fought with your entire family, they kicked you out of the house and left you with no money."
"Pretty much, yeah."
"All because of me!?"
Satoru didn't like the way you said "me". As if you were something not even worth mentioning. The dirt beneath his feet.
"Satoru, we are not together! I am not your girlfriend anymore, I am not even in your life! We don't even talk! You can't throw your life away because of me! That's stupid!"
"Well, maybe I am stupid, hasn't it occurred to you?"
"Satoru," your voice trembled on the edge of tears. Why didn't he understand you?! "I am serious. This is serious. This is your life! This is all you haveā had, especially given you can't damn play with your injury now!"
Satoru didn't answer you. You only saw the way he swallowed with effort, and the look of utter longing on his face told you everything.
You helplessly slumped back in your chair and hid your face in your palms for a small eternity. Satoru didn't dare to interrupt. He just watched you, soaking up every feature as if you were about to kick him out of your apartment forever. That was an option. You were pretty pissed.
He attempted to soothe you, "But there's something good."
You slowly glanced up, and Satoru almost snorted at the look of total disbelief in your eyes. "Such as?"
Satoru quickly stood up and kneeled between your chair, taking your hands in his. Cold as usual. Absent-mindedly, he rubbed your palms with his thumbs. As usual.
"I mean, you said it yourself, sweets. That is all I have known for my whole life. Rich kid, golden youth, spoilt guy born with a silver spoon in his mouth, all that stuff. I thought maybe it was it? My chance to find myself, huh? I don't want to be their toy to boss around all because of money."
Something crawled up your skin and twisted sharply in your chest as you breathed out, "What do you mean?"
Was he serious? So you both were doing the same thing all that time?
Satoru squeezed your hand harder and gave you a crooked smile.
"Just been here and there. Doingā¦some stuff."
You tilted your head in a silent question. He chuckled breathlessly and shook his head.
"Don't laugh, okay? I am teaching some kids basketball at school."
"Oh," your lips curled up in a tender smile as something warm bloomed in your chest. "That's really nice. You like it?"
"Yeah," Satoru's answer was immediate. And for the first time that evening, you saw a familiar spark in his eyes. "Kids can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but they are really cute. Listen to me, call me Gojo-sensei. Kinda gets in your head, you know."
A small snort escaped you, and the wide grin broke on his face. Oh, how he missed that precious sound.
"Where do you live now?"
"Crashing Suguru. He's not particularly happy when I drown my misery in another pint of strawberry ice-cream ā "
Your smile slowly disappeared.
" ā when he brings in some girl, but I bribe him with dark chocolate. You know he can't live without it."
"That he can," you uttered in a strained voice. Satoru's grin wavered as well, and he hesitantly reached to tuck the lone strand of your hair behind your ear. His hand trembled a little.
"What about you? There are boxes everywhere," he leaned back with a soft murmur, glancing around your apartment with packed staff around. "Moving out?"
Your heart suddenly felt twice its size, thumping violently against your ribs. "Uhm, yeah. Moving out."
"Where?"
Well, that was it. You squirmed in your seat, and Satoru's hand slowly fell to his side. He just waited.
"Ehā¦France."
He pinched his brows together with a slight frown and repeated incredulously, "You are moving to France?"
Satoru's sharp blue gaze seemed to pierce through you. Unable to meet it, you looked away.
"Yes."
"Why?"
Sighing deeply, you stood up and leaned against a kitchen counter, hugging yourself. Satoru immediately rose to his feet.
"That was a pretty much hard time for me too. Not delving into details, butā¦yeah. I felt like shit. Everyone was dating someone, or building a successful career, or, I don't know, just doing something meaningful," you gestured vaguely and combed your hair with a shaky hand. Satoru just stared at you like a lone, kicked puppy. "While I willingly kept fucking my own life over. Cooped yourself in that place. Left the love of my life."
Something in your face softened at the last words. Satoru forgot how to breathe.
"And that certainly shouldn't beā¦in vain, whatever. I told you I was going to work on myself, and I kind of do. Step by step, but I am going there."
"I still don't understand. I am happy for you, really am, but why are you leaving Japan? What about your mother, your job?"
What about me?
"My department's had its financing cut. My presence is not required anymore, as they said. I am just working the last two weeks, and that's it."
"Oh. I am..I am sorry to hear it."
"As for my mom," you didn't seem to hear Satoru's words at all, staring somewhere past him. "You know, she's never really cared that much about me anyway. She'll survive."
As cruel as your words might've seemed, you were right. Your mother was anā¦interesting woman indeed.
Satoru desperately cling to anything that could make you stay here like a lifeline.
"What about Nobara?"
Surely, you couldn't leave her. You two had been together from the first time he saw you at the university campus.
"Actually, she was the one who offered me that."
"Huh?!"
"She's recently been promoted at her job to the French edition of their magazine. Fashion weeks, runways, photoshoots⦠You know her, she's been ecstatic about it. So, when she asked me about itā¦I said I would give it a thought. I mean, it will be a nice fresh start, won't it? I don't have anything left here, soā¦why not? Gotta take risks, something like that."
Satoru couldn't believe his own ears. That would've been his nightmare coming true, if not for the fact that his worst one already was real. No. He wouldn't let you go that time. That was the stupidest thing he had done in his life, and if he had to begā¦well.
The worst thing that you seemed pretty confident about it. But looking closely, he saw your hands trembled a little by your side, and your gaze darted nervously around. So, there still was some chance.
He ran his fingers through his hair. The gears seemed to work nonstop in his mind as he glanced around for any clue or sight for support. Untilā¦
He weakly breathed out, "I am going with you."
Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "You what!?"
Satisfied with your reaction and his genius mind, Satoru smirked lazily, "I am going to France with you."
Did you stare in The Office or something? Was there a hidden camera to look at?
Helplessly blinking, you finally managed to utter, "Excuse me? You going to France? With me?"
"I know, I know what you are thinking. He's crazy, an idiot, proper name, last name, backstory stuff, but hear me out!" Satoru walked to you and squeezed your shoulders, his eyes frantically searching your face for a hint of understanding. You still stared at him as if he had just announced he was going to fly to the Moon, no less. "You broke up with me because, citing "you felt inferior to me," right?
Pressing your lips into a thin line, you gave him a flat look. "Correct."
"But I am not superior in any way to you now! You're discovering yourself, me too, so why don't we do that together? Start everything from scratch? Including," his Adam's apple bobbed with effort as his hands slowly slid down your figure to rest on the dip of your waist. Your skin tingled at the contact. "Including us."
Blood defeaningly roared at your temples, and your heart jumped right into your throat. Wouldn't it be strange and weird? Getting back together after you pushed him away? After breaking both of you?
One of Satoru's hands drifted upwards to cradle your face, while the other pulled your figure closer to him. Your head spun at the sudden proximity. His thumb delicately traced the line of your jaw and settled on the apple of your cheek.
"How is that stupid and weird, if I love you?" Shit, had you been musing aloud? "And you love me."
You parted your lips to answer, but then Satoru tilted his head down just a bit, and it was enough to feel the faintest brush of his lips against yours. With knees slightly trembling, your hand flew up and twisted the fabric of his hoodie for support. Your tongue darted out to lick your lip for a mere second; it was enough for Satoru's gaze to flick there and stare at your mouth as if hypnotised.
"Or you don't?" You almost leaned in for a kiss when he suddenly pulled away, despite being a breath away from devouring you. You gulped and lifted a pleading gaze at him ā and not like the look on Satoru's face was any better. A strange kind of bitterness settled in your chest at the shakiness of his voice: he really doubted it. Well, you gave him a good reason to, didn't you?
It baffled you. No. Weirded out in the worst way possible.
So, instead of answering, you simply stood on your tiptoes and pressed your lips against his. A feathery, almost invisible, but it was enough for Satoru to release a groan and kiss your back.
You forgot how to breathe. The room spun around you, and if not for Satoru's hand holding at your waist, you would've collapsed for sure. The familiar sense of heat shot through you as you boldly slid your hand up Satoru's toned shoulder, grazed his undercut ā wait, did he actually whimper at that or what ā and ran your fingers through the silky white hair. The months of raw longing, poured in that kiss, laced every brush of your tongues, stifled moan and impatient tug with desperate want. Damn, you almost forgot his lips slotting perfectly against yours, his gently nipping at your bottom lip, and his hot, raspy breath fanning over your cheek when you pulled away before delving in again and again.
Blinking away dizziness, you managed to gather your bearings together just to mumble, "Does it count as an answer?"
Satoru's chest rose up and down as if he had just run a marathon, and he slowly shook his hand in response before tilting your chin up. His eyes resembled more of a stormy ocean than a breezy sea, but his hold was as tender as always.
"I love you, Satoru. Still am and always have been. I told you the same when ā," you swallowed the lump in your throat, "ā when I left you." Voice sinking into a small, almost miserable whisper, you went on, "And I am sorry for that, so damn sorry, you didn't deserve it."
"No, no, no, baby, stop it," now both his hands cradled your face as his gaze gently caressed every twitch in it, every shift, every freckle and mole. "You did what you felt right to. I accepted that, even though it was the hardest thing in my life. Believe me or not, I felt so stupid and shitty and miserable for letting you go, but I had to respect that. I only wish I had noticed you feeling that way sooner," he ended with a small, bitter smile, placing a kiss on the tip of your nose before gently nuzzling it. "Missed you so, so much."
As much as you wanted to lean into Satoru's touch again with no care in the world, you felt the need to apologise for once again, "No, Satoru, but ā Maybe if I told you that instead of going away, we wouldn't be apart these months. I am sorry."
"Stop that," his voice cut you off, not firmly but enough to shut you up. "Really, stop. I am not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. And maybe I need that too. Shook me good to realise what things really mattered in life."
A sad sigh left your lips when you remembered what happened between Satoru and his family. Yes, they were jerks, but you never wanted to be the reason for the wedge between them.
"But hey, now we're two psychos together, trying to figure out what to do with their life! Together, right?" Satoru's gaze carefully searched yours, and as you nodded enthusiastically, his face broke into the brightest grin possible. Maybe only rivalling the one he gave you when you agreed to go out with him at that bonfire party.
"Love you, love you, love you," you murmured between kisses, nuzzling against his jaw, eliciting shaky moans. Your hands slid under his hoodie to feel the hot skin under your palms, but the sudden roaring of the thunder made you jump.
"Oh, fuck."
Satoru wanted to tease you at first, but he quickly bit his tongue, remembering that noises like that still scared you. You mindlessly gripped his hoodie tighter, pressing your frame against his for comfort. His hand cradled the back of your head, and he tucked it under his chin, whispering soothing words.
"Maybe you wanna lie down or something?" Whispering into your hair, Satoru pressed his lips against the crown of your head as another tremble shook your body at the particularly frightening sound. His gaze briefly flicked at the sky through the windows. "Yeah, not getting better soon."
Without further ado, you sighed in response and gripped his hand to walk to your bedroom. In every other situation, his hands would've been on you in a second, but not now. Especially given that you had just gotten back together.
Your bedroom hadn't really changed: your favourite stuffed plush bear sat over the sheets, guarding your sleep; a stupid lava lamp that Satoru once gifted you was still on the bedside table, not to mention the horde of houseplants (he sadly noticed the absence of some) at the windowsill. You hadn't packed the bedroom stuff yet, though a couple of boxes obediently waited in the corner.
After all those months, Satoru's presence felt kind of weird in your bedroom, but now, with his hands enveloping you in an embrace, you had never felt happier.
You both stayed up the whole night: gods, you almost forgot how easy it was to talk to Satoru. He told you more about the kids he was teaching, the school, and that he tried to do some modelling photoshoots. It turned out pretty good. "Might be a nice gig," he shrugged nonchalantly, but you noticed his eyes sparkling with mirth.
You filled him in on the work drama, places you visited in your attempts to go out of your shell, hobbies you tried ā his eyes widened at the mention of drawing and pottery, and he demanded to see your works the first thing in the morning.
You snorted quietly. "I don't think they are anywhere as good as your photos."
Satoru huffed under his breath and lightly nudged your shoulder. You both lie face to face now, smiling and giggling like a pair of students you once were. You felt as if you were floating in happiness.
"Come on, baby, don't be shy. I am positive they are nice."
"No, Toru, they are not. Believe me, my first flowerpot was disastrous." You turned a bit and waved at the deformed blob of clay, hiding in the corner. Satoru followed your move: his lips pressed into a thin line at the sight of a poor thing.
"Uhmā¦well, it's not that bad." His shoulders shook with a barely suppressed laugh, and you rolled your eyes good-naturedly.
"It's okay, you can laugh."
The laugh he let was truly thunderous, and even you, the mighty creator, couldn't help but laugh alone.
"Babe, I am sorry, it's just looking at me like I have to end its suffering," after some time, Satoru finally wept some tears and breathed out weakly with his hand on his stomach. You both looked at the hopeless blob. "Why do you keep it, anyway?"
Sighing in response, you murmured, "Dunno. I can't bring myself to throw it away."
Satoru just hummed in response and settled back against the pillows. "Will you take it to France?"
Your heart skipped a beat at the mention, and you just shrugged indecisively. The light mood you had slowly evaporated. After some minutes, you rolled back to face Satoru again, only to find him already watching you closely.
"Were you serious?"
He tilted his head in question; his hand came up to brush a hair strand behind your ear. "About what?"
The next words came in a hesitant whisper.
"Moving with me to France."
Satoru's thumb traced your bottom lip before he dropped his arm to the side. Shrugging casually, he lifted a steady gaze on you. "Are you still thinking about moving there?"
You swallowed nervously before nodding. "Yeah."
"Then I was serious too. We're dating again, it's only logical then."
You couldn't fight with that argument.
"Guess it is. I justā¦," you lifted one shoulder, still doubtful. "Can't believe you do that for me."
And he couldn't believe you questioned it. But instead, Satoru just blinked at you and muttered in the most serious tone possible.
"I told you I was going to marry you. Yes, I still want to. I wasn't joking and trying to hold you back in the heat of the moment ā"
You wordlessly glanced at him.
" ā okay, I did, but I was serious. And still am. Hell, baby," the mattress dipped under his weight as Satoru scooted closer. "You're the only thing ā not a thing, person, I mean, you're the most serious I've ever been about anything and anyone in my life. I swear. Where you go, I follow."
His voice cracked at the last words, and you let a shuddering breath, cupping his face.
"Are you sure? What will your family say? Job? Suguru?"
Satoru lifted a corner of his lips in a small grin, recalling the same arguments he used to talk you out of moving.
"I am pretty sure I can find something there. Isn't this a part of discovering yourself, too? It could be pretty fun. Who knows, maybe I have some secret talent for pastries. Not just eating. Baking! Plus, I know French," he beamed at you like the Sun. You couldn't help but grin back. "It's a little rusty, though."
You both snorted, but then a frown crossed Satoru's face, and his tone turned more serious.
"Suguruā¦he'll understand. We still will be talking, right? Not as we used to, butā¦hey, now I will have an excuse to send him even more stupid memes."
"I am sure he will be ecstatic about it."
"He won't have any choice, heh. And my familyā¦honestly? I don't really care. We both said everything we wanted to each other. I do not see any sense in bowing and scraping."
Your face crumpled in a grimace as you recalled that you were one of the reasons that entire thing happened, and hunched your shoulders. "Still sorry about it."
"And I am still saying you shouldn't be."
Minutes passed between you in a relative silence, interrupted only by the car noises and distant humming of the refrigerator as you stared at the ceiling. Finally, you turned to look at Satoru. Moonlight painted his features in an even more breathtaking way, highlighting the sharp jawline and illuminating the blue of his eyes.
"Soā¦we are really going to France."
Satoru smiled at you ā the gentle one he saved only for you ā and reached for your hand to interlace your fingers slowly.
"We really are."
***
The morning sun crept through the blinds, bathing a bedroom in a soft, ethereal light, and its beams lazily caressed your face in feathery kisses. As your nose twitched at the sensation, begrudgingly, very begrudgingly, you blinked and reached for your phone. It came to life with a faint buzz; you tried to focus your bleary gaze on the time and sighed in relief as you still had half an hour before the alarm.
A careful attempt to sink back into the sheets didn't go unnoticed by the whole mountain of heat and muscle beside you. Satoru's arm snaked around your waist with an energy too restless for a sleepy man.
"Where are you going to, huh?" His voice, still deep and thick with sleep, felt like a pure sin against your nape. A shudder ran through your body as he gently nuzzled the soft skin there and pressed his lips against the point that shouldn't drive you crazy like it did. "Morning, ma choute."
Amusement curled your tone as you breathed out a chuckle, "Your favourite word, huh?"
Instead of answering, Satoru hummed something unintelligible against the curve of your neck, nosing it, while his lips found your pulse point.
"Can't help it. Not my fault if it fits you perfectly. So sweet," his head went into a dizzy, hazy state at the whiff of your chocolate shower gel and something so uniquely yours. "So soft." The hand that rested leisurely on your belly lazily drifted upwards to cup the tender swell of your breasts. Your breath caught in your throat as you arched into Satoru's touch with a quiet, sleepy moan.
"Ah, Satoruā¦"
When your voice dipped into that syrupy bedroom voice, laced with so much want, Satoru never could help himself. His hips bucked involuntarily, eliciting a surprised gasp from you, as you felt the throbbing of his length against your backside.
Your hair fanned over a pillow like a halo, catching the bright light, and Satoru's heart skipped a beat. He gently bit down on your pulse point, and as your gasp rose in a tone, he quickly soothed it with a lick of his tongue.
"Fuck, you're so beautiful. So, so beautiful. Can't believe you're mine." The heat crept up your body all the way to your cheeks, not only at the way Satoru rolled your nipple between his fingers, palming at the soft skin there, but at the bewilderment in his voice. As if he were actually shocked.
Another moan left your lips as you closed your eyes in the utter pleasure, coursing through your body and tightening your insides into the sweet knot. Subconsiously, you pushed your trembling thighs back against his front, to which Satoru responded with a low hiss.
"You're in a teasing mood today, huh?"
A sharp pang of disappointment shot through your body when his hand left your chest.
"Satoruā¦"
"Shh, patience, baby. Good things come to those who wait, don't they?" You almost whined at the loss of the contact, but then his hand ā god, that hand ā wrapped around your throat with a light grip, just enough to turn your face and capture your lips in a lazy, unhurried kiss. He licked at the seam of your mouth, and you immediately opened it, granting Satoru access. Your tongues lazily tangled, exploring each other; you slid your free hand down his toned pecs, sharp abs and wrapped it around the already hard cock. Giving it a few unhurried pumps, you heard Satoru moaning unbashfully against your mouth.
"Oh, fuck, yeah, keep going, love. Just like ā, oh, just like that."
You fondled his balls with a sly smirk, to which he responded with a sharp, almost desperate cry, andā¦stopped.
"Hey, baby," the pout was evident in his voice, "That's not fair. Like totally not fair."
With a smirk widening, you turned just a tad to see his half-lidded gaze darkening with lust. "Haven't you just preached to me about patience, Toru?"
Satoru's head hit your shoulder as he let a groan, followed by a disbelieving laugh. "Vixen. You drive me crazy, you know that?"
"Yeah, yeah, yet you're still not inside me." After rolling your eyes impatiently, you finally heard the sheets rustling. Your insides clenched in anticipation.
Laughing quietly, Satoru kissed your shoulder, pulling you closer against his front. His hand slid under your hip, lifting it for better access, and hoisted it over his own. You almost whimpered as the thick head of his cock nudged your already wet entrance.
You attempted to glare at Satoru, but it ended rather poorly with the way your eyes were glazed with desire. Giving you a smirk, not even trying to hide his arrogance and smugness, he hastily fisted his cock and aligned it with your entrance, slowly yet surely filling you up inch by inch.
"F-fuck, you're so tight," Satoru's hot whisper fanned over your jawline as he pressed heated kisses up to your mouth. "So warm, so good, so p-perfect ā babe, don't clench me like that, f-for me."
Your lips parted, forming almost a perfect "O" in its shape at the burn of the stretch, and the first loud moan tore from your chest, when Satoru finally gave you a shallow roll of his hips.
"Sa-Satoru, yeahā¦"
With no hesitation, you reached behind and tugged at the soft white tufts above Satoru's undercut, pressing his head into your nape to seek even more contact until your bodies fused in a messy, unintelligible tangle of limbs, needy touches and wanton moans. His hips built a slow, languid rhythm, moulding your insides into the shape of his cock; each thick vein and ridge of him against your velvet walls made your mind swim in pleasure, so overwhelming it drowned every coherent thought. One of his hands snaked up to squeeze your breasts, eliciting more shaky whimpers from you.
"Love you, love you so fucking much, you don't even, ngh, under-understand, shit, y-yes," Satoru slurred against your cheek after yet another sloppy kiss, his tongue darting to taste the salty skin as you literally cried in ecstasy when he hit that sweet spot inside. You were completely sure he would never let you forget this. His moves gradually lost their rhythm, giving in to a raw, primal desire. A string of desperate whimpers spilt from your lips, and you turned your head to muffle these cries in the pillow.
Wrong move.
Seeing it, Satoru's lips curled into a sharp smirk. He quickly wetted his fingers and dragged them down to press quick, tight circles on your clit, and with all the stimulation, your body jolted in pleasure. Heat, shameless and urgent, built at the base of your spine, coursed through your veins and lit every part on fire. His cock twitched inside you at the way you breathed out his name with such desperation that put all the prayers to shame.
"Give it to me, baby. Be a good girl, yeah? Cum for me."
Your thighs shook violently, which was a telling sign that you were close; he feverishly rutted against yours, rubbing your clit in quick motions, panting against the curve of your neck. His eyes rolled in pleasure as your cunt fluttered around him, coating his shaft in juices, and with a shameless guttural groan, he cummed too.
The sound of your name, spilling from Satoru's lips like it was the only word he knew, brought tears to your eyes. Of love, of longing, or devotion, you weren't even sure.
Satoru was still in you, behind you, wrapping you in his arms and scent, when you awkwardly tried to turn around. He lazily blinked at you ā the blue of his eyes resembled the glimmering waves of the Mediterranean Sea, which lapped the shores of the city that had become your home. Swallowing a lump in your throat, you lean in to press a quick, almost chaste kiss on the corner of his lips. They twitched with a soft grin.
"Someone's awfully sweet. Good morning, I guess. Really good, that time. What if ā "
Before Satoru finished, your hands framed his face, and you kissed him again, taking your time. He released a quiet, unexpected sigh and melted into it immediately, giving you all the reins. Sweet and soft, your tongue swept over his plump lips and explored his mouth, until you both pulled away to catch your breath. Resting your forehead against his, you muttered quietly.
"I love you."
Satoru didn't answer you right away; instead, he cupped your cheek, his thumb grazed the soft skin under your eyes, and he murmured back.
"I love you more."
You didn't want to delve into the endless fight of who loved whom more, so you just settled against his chest with a soft sigh. Satoru tucked your head under his chin and gently ran his fingers up and down your spine.
"How are you feeling? Wanna cuddle a little or go showering?"
"I wish we could cuddle more, but Nobara and Maki are coming inā¦very soon, actually."
Satoru stilled for a moment and released a groan, reluctant to let you go and leave that bed, jutting his bottom lip in the biggest pout known to the Universe.
"Is it today? Do we have to go with them, baby?"
"Yes. Toru, we promised them to show the Fine Arts Museum. Maki didn't visit it last time they were in Marseille because it was shut for some renovation. Apparently."
"Geez, I was hoping for a round two. And maybe three in the shower. Besides, we were there with Suguru last summer." His hand slid down to squeeze your butt in the last attempt to persuade you, but you stood your ground. With great effort.
"Satoru, no. We don't see them often. Get up."
Saoru's hand that reached to pinch your side as you hopped off to get to the shower, limply fell to his side. He groaned as his head hit the pillow, but as the sounds of water running filled the space, he enthusiastically got up and padded to the bathroom. He could be prettyā¦convincing when he wanted to.
Indeed, an hour later, Nobara suspiciously eyed both of you up and down ā your hair told her everything she needed to know. Satoru didn't even try to hide a big dopey grin that screamed "I just got laid by the most gorgeous woman in the world". You elbowed him. Hard. His smile got even wider, so you sent him to help Maki with their suitcases.
"You know, I am so happy for you." You gave Nobara a cup of scorching latte, just the way she preferred. Her lips curled into an amusing yet soft grin. "No, really. You both look radiant."
She laughed heartily, nodding in gratitude; however, her gaze was fixed on your front yard. You followed the direction and chuckled as well, seeing Satoru and Maki trying to coax Nobara's cat ā a fluffy, totally spoilt Persian named Lady ā out of the carrier. She only hissed in response.
"Yeah. Me too. She'sā¦I don't know how to explain it. But I am so happy she agreed to move here. The same is for you, by the way. Provence does wonders for both of you. Even Gojo."
You rested your elbows on the table with a melancholic sigh. Yes, the start of your journey in France was quite turbulent: a total mess with language, documents, fighting with landlords over the rent, and taking up any gigs for moneyā¦It only helped that you had some of it saved. Endless hours of work, tears and efforts poured into building your new life finally got its fruits: at one of the fashion shows, Nobara introduced you to the famous photographer, who instantly fell in love with your works. And Satoruā¦
"Phew, finally," the front door opened, revealing beaming Satoru with Lady in his arms, whoā¦purred in content. Nobara's eyes widened in shock.
"Lady, what? He's a man! Have some dignity!"
"Can't help it if I am that charming," he scratched the kitty under her chin. "Even cats know that."
"That's, unfortunately, true." You squeaked in delight at Maki's tired voice and jumped into her arms. After a few solid minutes of hugging, you finally released her as she begged you to show her the bathroom.
"So, Gojo," Nobara drawled in a voice too casual. Satoru exchanged brief yet pointed glances with you. Lady cracked one eye open and yawned, staring at her catmom. "Do you have, by any chance, some calissons left?"
In Nobara's language, that meant she had been dying to taste them, but she would never admit it to Satoru. "Don't tell him, or his ego would grow even bigger!"
So you just happened to drop that you wanted to have those candies, and of course, Satoru whipped some up: they just waited to be baked. Judging by his cocky smirk, he already figured both of you out.
"Why do you call me Gojo? She's a Gojo too, you know?" The oven beeped a couple of times when Satoru put the tray with callisons inside. Nobara only rolled her eyes and hugged you with a grin.
And Satoru once decided to try his hand at the things that he loved the most in the world (after you, of course): sweets. In particular, pastries. To put it concisely, baking. It took a lot, a lot of time and years of learning in culinary academies under the guidance of chiefs, before he could finally name himself the one.
Marseille greeted you with arms open, the fresh scent of pastries lingering in the air, mesmerising views and the centuries of history ingrained in its walls. You left Paris after you realised it was high time to move forward, and since you mentioned a couple of times that you wanted to live in Provence for some time, Satoru started to look for a home and a place for his own bakery. His own thing. That he built only by himself, with no family barking and ordering him around. He and you. And Satoru could've never been happier for it.
You indeed had never made it easy for him. But now, seeing you laugh with your friends, among the paintings, with the sun casting a soft, almost amber glow on your figure, Satoru realised he would rather have things difficult with you than easy with anyone else. Because you were worth it.
ź° summary ź± when a misunderstanding leaves your family convinced youāre bringing a plus one to your cousinās wedding in Japan, the last person you expect to volunteer for the role is your infuriatingly observant intern, Satoru. itās supposed to be temporary. professional. strictly off the record. but with your mother already sold on the idea of your mystery boyfriend, and Satoru proving far too good at the role, pretending starts to feel a little too dangerous. also, why is your āinternā secretly the heir to gojo corporation?!
ź° tags/warnings ź± fake dating ā¹ļø undercover ceo! satoru ā¹ļø accountant! reader ā¹ļø satoru is 29, reader is 26 ā¹ļø lots of family pressure. reader has a complicated relationship with her mom ā¹ļø forced proximity ā¹ļø one bed trope ā¹ļø slow burn ā¹ļø mutual pining ā¹ļø wedding chaos ā¹ļø angst and fluff ā¹ļø some suggestive content but no explicit smut ā¹ļø
ź° authors note ź± hi cuties! this is a commission piece, and it is about 12k total. this first part is just shy of 6k and the second part will be out next week. i hope you enjoy š«¶š» (art by @/hanamin_0123 on x)
"Oi. Boss lady."
āNo.ā
One problem at a time, and the spreadsheet in front of you wins by default. Because Column F is wrong. Itās been wrong for forty fucking minutes, and if it stays wrong for forty seconds longer, you may actually die here at your desk ā hunched over, half-blind, and found by Shoko on a Monday morning with your face pressed into a pivot table like a cautionary tale.
"But⦠you don't even know what I was gonnaā"
"āthe answer is no, Satoru."
Unlike the human embodiment of a headache currently lingering on the other side of your desk, the spreadsheet in front of you is at least pretending to be important.
The chair beneath him creaks, and then comes the silence you know too well. Itās the one that comes right before he decides to be a problem on purpose. Attention is gasoline and Satoru is, structurally, a fire hazard. Still, your eyes flick up, andā
"No fairā¦ā he huffs, that ridiculous pout tugging at his lips. āYou didn't even let me finish the question."
Your eyes roll back down.
āMhm.ā
"And it was such a good question.ā
You turn a page. "Really?ā
āYup.ā Heās draped over the corner of your desk now, like gravity has wronged him, whining. āIt was such a thoughtful⦠personal⦠deeply relevant⦠extremely genius level getting-to-know-you tier question thatāā
You scowl. "āSatoru, enough. Just do your job."
It lands harder than expected. The sigh he lets out is deeply, theatrically offended. And when you glance up again, heās sprawled over that same corner of your desk you made the mistake of clearing for him on day one because youād thought, foolishly, that giving him a designated surface might contain him.
It had not.
Nothing about Satoru had ever suggested he could be contained.
Snowy white hair falls against his brow, sleeves rolled to his elbows; looking far too expensive and far too comfortable for someone whose official title is intern. His coffee is sweating beside your open planner ā the one with a date next week circled in red: WEDDING, scrawled across the margin in your own handwriting. The condensation trails towards a stack of vendor invoices andā
ā¦
Wait.
Are those the same vendor invoices you asked him to file yesterday?
Fucking great.
āOh, cāmonnn,ā he grumbles, blinking at you over the rim of those absurdly expensive sunglasses he insists on wearing indoors. āOne question. Just a tiiiiny one. Itās completely harmless. Humor me, yeah?ā
You narrow your eyes.
āSatoru, youāve been trying to ask one question for the last four months.ā
āYeah,ā he says. āAnd youāve been dodging it for four months. Imagine that.ā
Technically⦠four months and four days. But whoās counting?
With an exhausted groan, your eyes fall shut, pinching the bridge of your nose. Noise drifts in from the hall ā the elevator, the printer, a phone trilling somewhere nearby. Ā But when you look up again, it all seems to fall away.
Heās gone strangely still. The smug grin hasnāt disappeared, but itās softened at the edges, hooked at one corner with his head tilted slightly. And those eyesā¦
Oh.
Thatās ā no. Youāve seen his eyes before. Obviously. Four months of them. But right now, with the morning light doing something cruel and unhelpful behind him, they catch in a way that makes you forget you were mid-thought. The kind of blue that doesnāt ask if youāre looking. It already knows.
Which means of course, you look away first. āFine.ā Your hand drops as you mutter. āOne question. But if itās stupid, Iām sending you back to HR.ā
Itās not much of a threat. Itās his last day, after all, and for reasons you still donāt fully understand, Satoru has always seemed oddly immune to consequences ā which, frankly, feels statistically improbable given the amount of shit heās managed to pull in the few months of being here.
āOne question?ā his grin sharpens. You point your pen at him. āDonāt make me regret this.ā Yet his pleased chuckle is already making you. āAwhh⦠look at you. Finally yielding.ā His pen twirls between his fingers, nodding with false solemnity. āOkay. So, hereās the thing⦠throughout these four months working beside you, Iāve seen a lotā"
āāthatās not a question.ā You deadpan.
But ignoring you, he reclines back in the chair, hands clasped behind his head.
āLiiiike⦠Iāve seen the exact face you make when Mei-Mei emails you,ā he smirks. āEven noticed you work through lunch more than you should. And Iāve noticed that little line right hereāā he gestures vaguely between his own brows āāevery time the budget goes sideways.ā
Lips parting, you blink.
ā¦why is he so observant?!
For someone who acts like he doesnāt give a shit, heās strangely attentive.
You clear your throat, huffing. āOkay⦠whatās your point?ā Your hands straighten a stack of papers that doesnāt need straightening. āIs there a question in here somewhere, or are you just reciting my habits back to me for fun?ā
His grin is far too pleased. āRelax. Iām getting there.ā And leaning forward, his voice drops, like heās unraveling a conspiracy. āI just find it interesting how you answer work calls before the second ring. Every damn day. Doesnāt matter who it is.ā His head tilts with a smug grin. āBut for whatever reason, for the past month, your personal phoneās been ringing off the hook, and you never pick up. Not once.ā
Heat creeps up your neck. Not because heās wrong ā but because heās right. And he said it like it was nothing. Like noticing the pattern of your avoidance was just something that happened to him between stamps.
Oh.
Way too observant.
Shit. He couldn't have settled on what's your favorite color!? Or, what superpower would you have!? No. Of course he had to go for the fucking jugular.
Okay. Nevermind. Heās wrong. That is not even remotely whatās happening. The most committed relationship youāve had is the one with your coffee machine. And yet⦠part of it feels almost cosmically cruel.
Because somehow, this is the second time in a month that someone had looked at the scattered pieces of your life and decided a man must be hiding inside them. Except the first time, you never even got the chance to correct it.
After all⦠how do you tell your mother sheās wrong?
Last month, you still answered her phone calls.
Not because you expected anything different. But because somewhere between the second ring and the third, thereās this gap ā this stupid, paper-thin gap ā where you still believe she might ask how youāre doing and actually wait for the answer.
Some habits taste like smoke. Some burn like liquor. But yours, unfortunately, had always looked a lot like hope.
Hope is a terrible habit youāve never been able to kick.
āOhāuh, hi mom!ā
Your phone was wedged between your ear and shoulder while you stepped out of your car, juggling your purse and what was left of your sanity. You were already behind schedule, and your mother was calling ā which meant the day had already made its intentions very clear.
āWhatās up?ā the door slammed shut with your hip. āIām actually about toāā
āāTrish sent the venue photos,ā she blurted, launching into a conversation like always.
Blinking, you shook the bitterness away. Striding toward the towering glass of Gojo Corporation. āThatāsāyeah, thatās great,ā you muttered, badge in hand as you pushed through the front doors. āBut Iām actually heading into work right now? Soāā
āāItās such a beautiful venue,ā she ignored you. āVery traditional, very grand. But you know the Zenin familyāthey never do anything small.ā And as she sighed in awe, you resisted the urge to roll your eyes.
The rational part of your brain told you to let this go to voicemail. But the rational part of your brain has never once won this fight. Becauseā¦
Hope is a terrible habit youāve never been able to kick.
"Mom, I'm sure it's lovely, really⦠but I'm kind ofāum, excuse meā¦" you pivoted around a man in the bustling lobby with a sigh. āSorry. Iām literally walking into the building right now? But maybe we can revisit this later andā"
"āhave you booked your flight yet?"
Your mouth flattened.
Clearly, your half of this conversation is optional.
āNo⦠not yet,ā you mumbled, as patiently as you could manage, jabbing the up button harder than necessary. āItās been a crazy ass week so I havenāt had a chance to, butāā
āāevery week is a crazy week for you.ā The huff she let out sounded almost offended by the inconvenience of your life. āWhy canāt you just book it now while weāre talking? I mean, it literally takes five minutes.ā
A miracle, really, that your blood pressure isnāt a medical emergency.
Every week is a crazy week?
Yeah. No shit.
Two managers resigned last quarter. Another got escorted out by security. And their work didnāt disappear. No. It landed on your desk. Because thatās how it goes. Thatās how itās always gone. Group projects. Internships. End-of-quarter disasters no one else wanted to touch. If something needed fixing, it found its way to you.
Youāre the one people relied on.
Just⦠never the one people chose.
āMother. Iām at work,ā you said, stepping into the elevator as the doors slid open, dropping your voice as you stabbed at floor fifteen. āLookāIām about to walk into an eight a.m. meeting. But Iāll book it tonight, promise.ā
āā¦eight a.m.?ā she repeated slowly, before letting out a small, unbothered laugh. āOh! Right. Itās eight p.m. here. Silly me. I keep forgetting.ā
ā¦
Keep forgetting?
She keeps forgetting that sheās ten thousand miles away? Forgetting that twenty years ago she abandoned you in another country to live abroad in Japanāhanding you to your grandparents like a detail she'd get back to later?
How convenient that she forgot that.
The elevator slid shut, and you watched the numbers tick upward. āUm. Yeahā¦ā you managed, trying to keep the hurt out of your voice. āAnyways. Iāll book it tonight. After work. Okay?ā
"Okay, okay. Sure. Sounds good. But are you bringing anyone?ā
Squeezing the strap of your bag, you swallowed the lump in your throat. This again? The last thing you needed was to walk into your shitty eight a.m. meeting looking emotional.
No thanks.
āI⦠uhā¦ā you cleared your throat. āI umāactuallyāhavenāt decided yet. But anyways, I gotta go, soāā
āWaitwatiwait. Havenāt decided? Does that mean⦠you actually found someone?!ā
Her voice pitched up so fast it almost startled you, and your mouth dropped so low it couldāve hit floor one.
Shit.
āI-IāI didnāt sayā"
āāoh, thank God. This is incredible!!ā she squealed. āWeāve been so worried. I meanāTrish is younger than you and she figured it out,ā her tongue clicked. āPeople have been asking questions, you know. Your aunt Sara keeps bringing it up every time I see her andāā
āāMom, Iā"
āāItās about time,ā The laugh she let out was relieved, like a problem in her life had finally begun resolving itself. āYou canāt keep putting love on hold forever, because men arenāt going to wait around forever. Youāre already twenty-sixānot getting any younger, dear.ā
Love?!
Who has time for that?
And why the fuck is twenty-six the age a woman expires?!
āWhatās his name?ā she pressed, practically beaming through the phone. āWhat does he do? Is he from there, orāoh, is he Japanese? Your father would love that, he always saidāā
And she was off.
Spinning an entire man out of thin air. An entire future, really. Building him in real time from a tiny slip up you had because you were too tired and cornered and desperate enough to answer the phone in the first place. And you stood there, letting her. Because interrupting her has never once worked in the history of your life.
āāactually, never mind,ā she chirped a moment later, as if she was being considerate now. āYou have work. Iāll call tomorrow and you can tell me everything, yes? Okay, bye-bye honeyāā
Click!
And just like that, the elevator went quiet. You were left staring at your reflection in the metal doors, phone pressed to your ear, listening to the silence where your motherās voice had been.
āWeāve been so worried.ā
ā¦
If they were so worried⦠why had you spent most of your life learning to take care of yourself? And yet, the second there might be a man, suddenly youāre worth getting excited about?
Funny how that works.
Scoffing, you lowered the phone, shoving it into your bag just as the elevator chimed open. Itadori Yujiās head snapped up behind the reception desk.
āMorning, boss,ā he waved, radiating sunshine as you walked towards the conference room. āKentoās asking if youāre still good for the budget review at eight⦠or if I should just tell him to panic.ā
Your smile softened, burying the sting. āYes⦠Iāll be right there.ā And as you stepped through the polished glass doors, you played the role youād always played.
The reliable one. Twenty-six years old, with two masterās degrees, a career at one of the most competitive corporations in the world, and a team of seven that would quietly fall apart without you.
Butā¦
None of that glitters quite like a diamond ring, does it?
āOi,ā Satoru frowns. āYouāre makinā that face again.ā
āHuh?ā
Blinking out of your spiral, your eyes trace back to the man across from you. His chin is resting in his palm, those impossibly blue eyes fixed on you with a quiet stillness that makes something in your chest trip over itself ā like a lock turning in a door you didnāt know was closed.
āOh.ā You clear your throat, forcing the pen back into motion. āā¦what face?ā
āThe one you make when somethingās wrong,ā he says quietly, gaze unmoving. āWhen youāre upset and trying to act like youāre not.ā
For a second ā one terrible, unguarded second ā you donāt have a single thing to hide behind. Itās just him, looking at you like your well-being is something heās been keeping track of in a column you didnāt even know existed.
But then the sarcasm kicks in, right on time. "Wow," you say, forcing your hands back to the papers in front of you. "So⦠now you read faces?"
āMm... nah. Just yours, sweetheart.ā
And that grin ā god, that fucking grin ā hooks at one corner like he knows exactly what just detonated inside your chest. You donāt acknowledge it. Acknowledging things have consequences, and consequences with this man are not something you can afford.
"ā¦thatās highly inappropriate," you mutter, shoving it down. "Letās maybe redirect some of that insight toward the invoices, yeah?"
āSorry, sorry.ā He leans back, hands up like heās the picture of innocence. āWouldnāt wanna start shit with your dear future husband.ā His grin goes sharp as he twirls his sunglasses between two fingers. āThough, wow. Tough look for him. Whatever he did, he clearly fucked up bad.ā
Why does he sound⦠bitter?
No. You must be imagining it. This is Satoru. Satoru, who treats everything like a joke until proven otherwise. Satoru, who doesnāt care enough about anything to sound bitter over a man who may or may not exist.
You scoff. "Youāre making some wildly stupid assumptions right nowā¦"
He stares at you for a beat, then he flops back in the chair with a dramatic huff, long legs kicking out in front of him, mouth dragging into a sulky pout.
āWell, damn,ā he grumbles, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair, rolling his eyes. āNo wonder youāre single if this is how you shut people downā¦ā
The second the words leave his mouth, he blinks. His gaze flicks up to yours like he hears it too late ā like he realizes, all at once, how shitty that sounded.And it only feels worse the moment he sees your face.
God.
Of all the places to hit.
āOho⦠wow. Okay. This?ā you say with a thin, self-deprecating laugh, chair scraping as you shove back from your seat. āYeah. This is exactly why I shouldnāt have let you ask, Satoru.ā You reach for your planner, your purse, anything to do with your hands besides let them shake.
He straightens, watching you scramble. āWhoa. Wait. Iā"
āābecause you donāt know when to stop!ā The words come out louder than you mean, blinking at the sting behind your eyes. āYou just keep pushing and pushing and pushing until you get what you want. Well good. I hope youāre happy.ā
Before you can turn away, heās on his feet. āWaitāā And the moment his hand catches yours, you freeze, breath snagging.
His voice is quieter now. His grip is firm yet gentle, and the air between you shifts, while something warm and uneasy twists low in your chest. The kind of feeling that makes you want to lean in and run in the same breath.
Though your eyes stay down. āSatoru⦠let go.ā
āI didnātā¦ā he starts, then stops, gaze flicking to where his fingers still circle your wrist ā before climbing back to your face, slower this time. āIām⦠sorry. I justāā His mouth tightens. āI see how hard you work, okay? I see it. And every time that phone rings, you get this look on your face like itās already ruined your day before you even touch it. Andā¦ā His brows pinch. āFuck. I dunno why, but it pisses me off!ā
Your gaze hesitantly drags to his, and the look in his eyes is softer than they have any right to be ā all that blue, stripped of its usual sharpness, turned careful. Like heās stepping toward something breakable and knows it. Like⦠if he asked once more, something in you might actually give.
āSatoruā¦ā your breath hitches. āI-Iā"
āOh, finally.ā
Shokoās voice trails in, and your head snaps up so fast your neck almost goes with it. Sheās leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, coffee in hand ā looking like a woman who arrived exactly on time for something she's been expecting all week.
Her gaze flicks down to where heās holding you, and the corner of her mouth twitches.
"Sooo⦠not to interrupt whatever this is," she says, taking a sip, "but Kento's one eye-twitch away from a medical event. He needs you to sign off on the variance line before he starts reconciling his own will andā"
You're already jerking your hand back. "Yupācoming!" And as you step away, heat floods your face, but you don't look back. Not once. Not even when you feel him still standing there, watching you go.
Because looking back would mean acknowledging that something just shifted. And you are not ā not ā doing that today.
Unlike those invoices, perhaps some things are better left⦠unfinished.
Youāre gone in a blur of heels, nerves, and professional self-preservation, leaving Shoko trailing behind and Satoru staring at the empty doorway like maybe the conversation might wander back through it.
It doesnāt.
And itās not long before his mouth is pulling into a slow, petulant poutājust before he flops back in the chair with all the elegance of a man personally betrayed by the universe.
Un-fucking-believable.
Heād almost had you! After four months and four days of being stonewalled, redirected, and professionally shut down, youād finally looked like you might give him something. A crack. A sliver. And then Kento had to ruin it with his stupid reconciliation sheet, his stupid earnest face, and his stupidly impeccable timing.
ā¦
He could fire Kento.
Should he fire Kento?
As tempting as that thought is, Satoru settles for glaring at the empty doorway a second longer before dragging a hand down his face and raking it back through his hair. Thereās no point. This performance will end soon. Because by this time tomorrow, heāll be on a flight back to Tokyo. Where he can resume the slow, agonizing process of preparing to inherit a company he didn't actually give a shit about.
'Grow up, Satoru.'
'Apply yourself, Satoru.'
'You have no idea what it takes to run something like this, Satoru.'
Right. Because apparently, the heir to a multinational corporation needed to learn humility. Alphabetize files. Sit in a cubicle. Fetch coffee like some goddamn spreadsheet slut with a trust fund and nowhere to put it.
Four years of business school, two years shadowing his father; and yet, this is what they had for him?!
He scoffs. And when his gaze drops to the wreckage of your desk, heās pulling the stack of vendor invoices toward him with a sigh that sounds put-upon even to his own ears. Youāve been nagging him about filing them for the better part of the week and⦠the least he can do is clear one thing before he goes.
The stamp thuds against the first page. Then the next. Then the next. And with muscle memory taking over, his face goes blank in the way it always does when boredom finally wins. Itās mindless shit. Still, heās used to it. So naturally, when the phone on your desk buzzes, he doesnāt think twice; snatching it up, tucking it between his ear and shoulder as he reaches for the next invoice.
Itās probably another budget nuisance. Or Mei. Or one of the other thousand little crises that seem magnetically drawn to your extension.
āYo,ā another stamp echoes. āSatoru speaking.ā
Thereās a sharp inhale. āā¦who?ā
His brow lifts. āUh⦠Satoru?ā Another thud of ink slams against the paper and he huffs, annoyed. āWhat do yāneed?ā
The line goes quiet for a beat too long. Before the woman on the other end finally murmurs, āSatoruā¦ā Sighing in awe. āWhat a lovely name. Is that Japanese?ā
"Uh⦠yeah?ā he snorts, flipping to the next page. āI mean. Last I checked.ā
āMm⦠I thought so!ā She giggles. And her voice pitches like she's just unwrapped a present she didn't know she was getting. āSo⦠Satoru. Why exactly are you the one answering her phone, hm?ā
ā¦
Why the hell does this woman sound so invested? And why is she asking questions that should be obvious?
Frowning down at the invoice, he stamps it harder.
āBecause it rang?ā He says it like itās obvious. āAnd uhāsorry, but. Maybe because Iāve been with her for months, so⦠why the hell wouldnāt I?ā
"Months?!ā A soft gasp crackles, far too delighted. āYou'veāyou've been with her for months?!"
"Mmm⦠four months and four days, technically."
Heās been her intern for that long.
Thatās the question, right?
"ātechnically?!" she squeals, like the word personally seduced her. "Ohmygoodnessāoh, this is perfect. Four months and four daysāthat is so specific.ā
He blinks. But she doesnāt give him time to process.
āLook at you Mr. Devoted. Keeping track. I was starting to worry sheād never find someone like you. Every time I asked it's like pulling teeth. But I knew there had to be someone. I told her fatherāI said, there is a man, I can feel it.ā
Pausing mid-stamp, the words slowly begin to catch up. Satoru straightens.
"ā¦sorry. Who is thiā"
āāeveryone is so excited to meet you at Trishās wedding. I already reserved your seat andā"
Her voice keeps going⦠and going⦠and going. He pulls the phone away slowly as her voice echoes on the receiver, staring down at the phone in hand to see:
š Mom
Oh.
Oh, shit.
This is not your work phone. Your work phone is currently sitting at its dock twelve inches to his left. And it dawns on him that he accidentally just spent the last sixty seconds answering your personal phone like an absolute jackass andā
"Uhā¦ā he backpedals. āWait. Iā"
"I told Sara, I said, we have to meet him andāā
"Stop. I-I really thinkā"
āāSatoru, what are you doing?ā
His head snaps up at the sound of your voice, mouth dropping as he sees you standing at the doorway, eyes wide in horror.
Oh, fuck.
āWho is on the other end of that phone,ā you hiss.
He winces, pulling the phone from his ear like itās toxic ā and youāre snatching it right out of his hand. He lets you have it without a fight, sinking back into the chair like heās trying to physically dissociate from the situation heās just created while you press the phone to your ear.
āAnd I meanā¦ā she rambles. āI certainly was never one to wait around at twenty-six, believe me. Butā"
"Mom."
"Oh! Honey!ā She gasps. āOh, my goodness, hiāI was just having the loveliest chat withā"
"I'm at work. Gotta go."
"āokay! I can't wait to meet Satoru, heā"
Click!
The phone sits in your hand like evidence.
And Satoru ā to his credit ā has the decency to look like a man standing in the blast radius of his own stupidity. His mouth opens. Closes. Opens again. Like heās rehearsing an apology in a language he hasnāt learned yet.
You stare at him.
He stares at you.
And somewhere ten thousand miles away, your mother is already calling your aunt Sara.
āSooo⦠funny storyā¦ā
āāwhat did you do?!ā
Satoru flinched, and now, the tears were already rolling down your cheeks ā hot, fast, completely unauthorized. Not the kind you could disguise as allergies or blame on the air conditioning. No. The ugly kind.
Great. Fucking great.
You were standing in the middle of your own office, in the building where you work, crying in front of your intern. And Satoru felt the weight of it all at once. In the last four months, he had seen you in every flavor of workplace misery there was. Pissed off, stressed out, one spreadsheet away from actual murder.
But cry?
Never.
And this had his fingerprints all over it.
"Shit," he breathed, panic flashing across his face. "Iāfuck. Okay. Please don'tāI can fix this. I canā"
"Fix this?" A splintered laugh ripped out of you, and you hated how thin it was. "Fix what, Satoru? You just confirmed a boyfriend to my mother, a boyfriend that doesn't existāand she is, at this very moment, probably alreadyā"
Another break in your voice cracked, and you squeezed your eyes shut, pressing your hand to your forehead hard like you could hold the tears in by sheer force. But it only made it worse, because now you could feel the wetness on your own face, the heat of it under your palm, and the mortification landed like a second wave.
God. How fucking humiliating.
"Hey, heyāit's okay,ā his voice softened. āWe'll just⦠call her back. Right? Tell her it was a misunderstanding. Easy."
āEasy?ā you scoffed, the word coming out strangled. āY-You donāt understand my mother, Satoru,ā you managed, voice gone thin as thread. God, you sounded like a child. āIf she thinks something is true, then itās true. Thatās it. Thatāsāthereās no correcting her, thereās no walking it back, sheās already told my aunt Sara by now and Saraās told Trish andāoh, fuckāā
Another sob tumbled out, and your fingers dug harder into your temple.
God. Stop it.
Stop it stop it stop it.
Think.
Think logically. You're good at this. You solve problems for a living.
But every time you tried to grab onto a thought, it slipped ā replaced by the echo of your mother's voice, high and delighted. The happiest she'd sounded talking to you in years. Maybe ever.
ā¦what look will she give you when you show up alone?
"I canāt," you whispered, and the word came out waterlogged. "I-I'm supposed to get on a plane to Japan in a week andādo what? Tell them there's no one? Tell them I'm stillā"
Single.
The word sat in your mouth like a stone. You didnāt realize youād gone silent until the silence itself started ringing ā your sniffling, the hum of fluorescent lights, the muffled life of the office continuing beyond the door like yours wasnāt actively coming apart at the seams.
And through all of it, you could feel Satoru looking at you. His stillness; holding you with an expression you'd never seen on him before and couldn't categorize if you tried.
"Umā¦ā he looked down, scratching the back of his neck. āSoooo... the wedding's in Japan?"
You blinked. āWhat?ā And as you wiped your face with the back of your hand, his gazed tentatively flicked back up. āThe weddingā¦ā he repeated, voice careful. āItās in Japan?ā
"Yes." Your brow furrowed, not understanding. "Why?"
He didn't answer right away. Just looked down at the floor for a second, jaw shifting, like he was turning something over in his head ā something he hadn't fully assembled yet but could already feel the shape of.
"Huh⦠okay."
Okay what?
You watched his expression change in real time ā from guilt to calculation to something else. "Right then!" He said, clapping his hands once, bright and sudden. "No biggie. I'll just go with you."
No biggie?
Your mouth dropped.
That wasnāt even an option, was it?
ā¦is he crazy?
āYouāre kidding,ā your laugh was awkward and breathless. His eyes rolled with a smug grin. āSweetheart, cāmon,ā and he was gesturing between the two of you like the answer was sitting there in plain sight and you were the only person in the room committed to not seeing it. "Your family thinks you're bringing someone? Cool." A hand pressed to his chest with theatrical solemnity. "I'm someone."
You stared at him. Genuinely stared.
Oh. He wasnāt kidding.
Yup. Heās crazy.
"You are not 'someone,' Satoru. You are my intern."
āYeah. For like⦠another six hours?"
He checked his watch with a shrug, and your lips flattened.
"ā¦that is not the point."
āMm⦠feels a little like the point."
He smirked, but it faded faster than usual, dimming at the edges as his blue eyes hesitated on yours. Something shifted in his posture; the performance pulling back, like a tide going out. "Um⦠lookā¦" He pushed off the desk, stepping closer. "Itās really no hassle." He said, hands sliding into his pockets. "I already have a flight scheduled. My family's in Tokyo. And I was going back after this internship anyway, so⦠this just moves my timeline back a little."
He was shrugging like it wasnāt a big deal. Like he wasnāt agreeing to fly across the world with you and walk straight into the disaster that was your family.
ā¦
His familyās in Japan too?
You barely knew anything about him. He kept his life sealed off with the same practiced deflection you kept yours ā jokes in place of answers, charm in place of honesty. You never bothered to ask, because asking meant caring and that was a door you never intended to walk through with anyone.
Butā¦
"Just⦠let me come with you. Iāll be your boyfriend for the weekend. For the wedding. For⦠whatever you need,ā he said. And this time, when he stepped closer, there was no grin to hide behind. "I can be useful. I caused this. So⦠let me fix it."
Heat creeped up your neck, and you scoffed, weakly.
"Okay⦠but you can't fix my mother."
"Noā¦ā he murmured, tilting his head. His hand came up and brushed a tear trailing down your cheek with a careful gentleness. āBut⦠I can make sure you don't have to walk in there alone?"
Your breath hitched, and when your eyes finally lifted, the morning light was being cruel again ā catching in that impossible blue and turning it soft. Like stained glass dipped in sunlight. Like something holy made dangerous by the simple fact that it was looking straight at you.
āShut up,ā you mutter, looking away too fast to be convincing.āThat was not a look. I was justāā You grimace. āā¦never mind.ā
Heās chuckling as you brush past him. And his words are what scared you the most. Which was bad. Very, very bad. Because your mother was one problem. Japan was another. But Satoru looking at you like that?
Shitā¦
That felt like the kind of complication that didnāt stay neatly contained. And you knew better than anyone. Nothing about Satoru had ever suggested he could be contained.
a/n: hehe. this has been fun to work on! i am excited to share the next part. clearly i love these fake dating/fake marriage tropes aha šāāļø bc this is like... whatāmy third time doing it? soooo i tried to change things up and make it feel less standard/generic :) but anyways, like i said pt 2 will be out in a week, pls lmk if you wanna be tagged š
with your love life in ruins, the last thing you want to do is think about romance. unfortunately, between passive-aggressive notes and an infuriating neighbour named 4B who wonāt leave you alone, love might not be done with you just yet
pairing: frat!jo x reader
content: mdni idiots in love, satoru as a faceless voice for a while, larping abt frats again, one (1) frat party scene, voyeurism, p in v, slightly intoxicated but consensual sex, cunnilingus, slight public sex/hidden sex 30k+
note: there are some images in this fic for immersion but if there's any difficulty in reading them, please click the alt text option! alternatively, you can read this on ao3 !!
When you eventually gained the courage to break up with your shitty boyfriend, you knew it would be a public spectacle considering heās the vice president of Tau Delta Phi. What you didnāt expect, however, was to find yourself spotlighted in the living room of some random houseparty, an empty red plastic cup in your hand and whatever had been inside now poured over your ex-boyfriendās head.
It was almost funny watching humiliation and rage surge across Naoyaās face, marked by that red-hot blush youāve seen far too many times, spit flying from his mouth when he yells that youāll regret this, heāll make sure you do. To no surprise he had you kicked out, leaving you stranded on the side of the road at 2am, alone, slightly intoxicated, and with a massive hole punctured through your concept of love.
Whatever Etsy witch he paid to ruin your life would have been hunted during the Salem witch trials because you never find peace following the breakup. You find out heād been cheating on you with a plethora of girls, you find out the lady living in the apartment next to yours is moving out, and worst of all, you find out the free elective course you enrolled in specifically to take it easy gives you an assignment on love.
ARTS505: Screen Media Practice
Assessment 1: Observational Short Film ā āLoveā
Weighting: 30%
Due: Friday, 11:59 p.m.
Length: 3ā5 minutes
For this assessment, students are required to produce a short observational film responding to the theme of love.
Go fuck yourself.
The day your neighbour next door moves out, you tear up at the news and let her believe itās because youāll miss her and not because youāre terrified her replacement wonāt be nearly as forgiving.
Because she smiles when you run into her at the bottom of the staircase and gives you small containers of food, nagging you in the way old women do about eating healthy and sleeping early. To her sweet, unassuming face, you tell her you will though you wonāt, and sheāll nod like she believes you and tells you sheāll try to keep it down, kindly avoiding the fact that she can hear you wail at atrocious hours in the night when youāve assumed everyone has already fallen asleep.
She understood the highs and lows of being a newly single woman in this current social environment. But whoever moves in next? Youāre not so sure will.
Okay, so maybe you do miss her.
Because you find out someone new has moved in from the heavy thumping of feet crossing the floor, the thuds of boxes dropped onto the floorboards, the vibrations seeping into your own floors. It seems Naoyaās Etsy witch still has their grip on you because your new neighbour is horrible. They play loud music in the morning, the afternoon, late at night, usually right when you have convinced yourself that this night you will finally get eight uninterrupted hours of blissful sleep. Thuds, banging, thumping, any onomatopoeia, your neighbour has done it.
Sometimes, they leave a pair of sneakers outside their door for two whole days, directly in your path to the stairs, so you have to step around them every morning. Their moving boxes sit in the hallway for so long they might as well be furniture, and youāve started dumping your tote on the tower of them whenever you dig around for your keys. Packages get delivered to your door instead of theirs. They seem to always be ordering DoorDash, too, the scent of something sugary-sweet seeping under your door until you start craving DoorDash yourself.Ā
Itās even worse today. Youād come home with groceries instead of takeout, washed your bedsheets for the first time in a long while, lit a candle called Midnight Sunset, and sat down at your desk with the firm intention of brainstorming your film assignment.Ā Then, from the other side of your bedroom wall, your neighbour starts assembling what can only be a large, flat-packed piece of furniture. For forty minutes, there is nothing but the intermittent scrape of wood, the clattering of metal parts, occasional low murmured curses, and one very loud crash that caused the floorboards to tremble, along with all the tiny screws that rattled in an echo. By the time the banging finally stops, your candle has burned unevenly, your tea has long gone cold, and the only thing written under love film ideas is: ākill himā.
shoko: utahime and i are heading to the library to lock in
weāre inviting you so you canāt say shit like thereās always a duo in a trio
but donāt actually come weāre probably gonna js make out
you: ?
utahime: sheās joking weāre going to study
shoko: booo u whore
youāre a cockblock y/n
you: i literally didnāt do anything
if anything utahime is cockblocking you
but iāll come if ygs are actually studying i need a fucking break
shoko: we arenāt
utahime: we are
shut the fuck up shoko oh my god
shoko: whats with u y/n u sound grouchy
you: im going to kill my new neighbour
hes playing shit music through the wall like i miss the old lady so bad
shoko: you really gotta complain to the landlord or smth
you: hell no im not a snitch
utahime: ure weirdly compassionate abt the wrong things
hows the assignment going?
shoko: teacher teacher! im snitching!
you: ? do u want me to snitch or not
and its not going good at all how can i think about love when theres someone playing phonk in my ear at 6pm on a random tuesday afternoon?
shoko: have u even seen this person?? go up and give them a piece of ur mind or smth
also come lib
you: give me a sec
i might ive never seen them though theyre usually out at weird times and doesnt really sleep in their own room ?? but what if its a 40 yo gymrat and i get bodied
utahime: yeah thats actually scary
write a note or something
shoko: and then come library
you: give me fifteen minutes
Perhaps Shokoās insistence on going to the library is contagious because youāre suddenly eager to rip out a piece of paper to spill just how much you appreciate phonk in your ears to your neighbour. Or maybe you really just want to tell your neighbour to die.
It starts off innocently enough, the last of your patience allowing kinder words and a light reminder that your neighbour isnāt the only one living in this creaky, ancient building. But then it gets to you, the music, the thudding, the inability to remove laundry from the laundry machine appropriately, and you find youāre pressing the lead of your pencil deep into the paper until it almost leaves a mark on the table beneath.
You heave out a breath of pure catharsis and read it over, giving it an approving nod. This will certainly do.
Then, with your heart much lighter and a perk in your step, you sling your tote over your shoulder and head for the door. Instead of walking to the elevator after youāve locked up, you make a small detour to your neighbours door and bend down to slide the letter under their door.
There, problem fixed.
With a smile, you turn and walk to the library, oddly lighter for it.
Shoko and Utahime thankfully do not make out the entire time youāre at the library. Unfortunately, theyāre still Shoko and Utahime and the three of you waste time gossiping about the high school dead horse that just broke up again instead of doing anything productive. Your document for planning your films remains as empty as ever, only now itās been shared to two email addresses so they can witness your writerās block unfold in real time.
By the time you drag yourself back from the library, night has already settled in and you have to use your phoneās flashlight to illuminate the path to your building. The hallway is hushed in that apartment building kind of way, distant television laughter, pipes clinking somewhere behind the walls, the hum of someoneās microwave. Youāre fishing for your keys when you notice it, a torn corner of lined paper stuck to your door with blutack.
You blink, too tired to make the connection straight away, brain still slogging through the haze of a caffeine crash. But then you peel it free, turn it over, and squint at the scrawny handwriting on the back.
are you twelve? whatās with the note passing come talk to me if you have an issue
also i told the landlord btw lol have fun with that ā4b
You crumple the note in your hand.
That fucking asshole.
The landlord does, in fact, show up at your door the next morning wearing a stern expression and with even sterner words. You apologise with a tight smile, offering up the half-truth that youāve been under a lot of stress lately and didnāt mean it. And then, because two can play at that game, you finally snitch on 4B too, feeling a sharp jolt of triumph when the landlord sighs and assures you thatāll be having a word with the resident next door.
You incorrectly assume thatās the last of it. Because when you come home at the end of another long day of classes, thereās a sticky note taped to your door.
snitch
A disbelieving huff slips out of you as you let yourself into your apartment, your tote sliding off your shoulder with a dull thump, hands too busy flattening the wrinkled paper to catch it. Five minutes ago, all you wanted was to collapse face-first into bed and sleep through the rest of the day. Now, irritation blazes through you so quickly it feels like caffeine, sharp and immediate, and before you can talk yourself out of it, youāre fishing a pen from your bag and scrawling a reply across the back.
you literally snitched first asshole. maybe if you werenāt playing anime music at 7pm in the evening i wouldnāt have to snitch on u at all
You stick it to his door on your way back from taking out the trash, pressing your palm against the paper just to make sure it stays there. When you leave the next morning for your usual nine a.m., another note is waiting.
you literally told me to die im not a masochist i wasnāt gonna let that slide ps. ntm on the digimon opening theme thatās something special to me
You write a reply during class, sticking it to his door when you come home.
and uāve been loud as fuck ever since u moved in here yk the apartment has thin walls right? also what the hell is digimon
It doesnāt take long this time. Youāre still boiling water for a coffee when thereās a faint tap at your door. When you open it, thereās a new note stuck smack in the middle, scrawled in hurried letters. You glance up and down the hallway and see no one, and smile as you step back inside.
then just walk those five steps to my door and tell me next time? and ofc someone as unfun as u has never experienced the highs and lows of digimon in ur childhood it all makes sense now
You sip your coffee as you pen your reply.
i swear iāve knocked in the morning and u didnāt open the door
so r u gonna keep edging me or r u gonna tell me what digimon is
Itās only after youāve already closed your door that you realise you didnāt respond to his second comment so you quickly take a pen and walk back to his door, pursing your lips in effort as you try to add another line against the door. Maybe youāre imagining it but you swear you hear footsteps pause on the other side of the door.
also i just searched it up and i canāt believe my next door neighbour is 12 years old watching cartoons
You quickly scurry back to your apartment just in time, hearing their door open after yours just as you closed yours. A couple seconds later, thereās a knock.
digimon is NOT just for kids
You stare at the note for a second, oddly thrown by the concession considering it had seemed too easy. Youād expected another argument, maybe some smug reply, maybe an insult in even messier handwriting. But instead, he had simply folded.
For some reason, it feels less like a victory and more like a sudden end to something you hadnāt realised you were enjoying. Your other neighbours probably didnāt feel the same considering they had to listen to you and 4B open and close your doors consecutively for the past few minutes.
Still, you tell yourself as you peel the note off the door, a win is a win.
The next morning, you check your door out of habit and is immediately rewarded by a piece of a4 paper stuck to the front.
hey 4a,
first of all i want to say that iāve been very good and very quiet recently which i hope pleases you. please acknowledge my growth
ā 4b
Because youāre lazy, you flip the paper over and write.
4b,
sure ur growth has been noted (?) i feel like thereās more to this do u need something
ā 4a
You slide it under his door before you can overthink it. By the time you come home that afternoon, there is another note waiting.
4a,
thank you for acknowledging my progress but i fear i have received your criticism and decided not to grow from it. maybe head out for the evening
also important question do u own a screwdriver ??
thanks, 4b
You frown then write back:
why?
Five minutes later, his reply slides under your door and you watch as the paper slips through completely before standing and reaching for it.
i give u a yes or no question and u still manage to dodge
do u own one or not? please.
ā 4b
The next time you tape a note to his door, you also leave a screwdriver on the ground beneath.
u better give this back
Youāre halfway to backing your things for the library when his reply slides under your door. You pick it up while locking your apartment and read as you walk, catching the tail ends of some heavy thudding and hammering from the door beside yours.
people assume just because im a man i must have five screwdriver variants in my drawers or smth anyway im making furniture for my friend and its ikea :( wish me luckĀ
You snort despite yourself, tucking the note into your pocket as another dull bang sounds behind his door.Ā
āGood luck,ā you think as you walk by, and then, less generously, āand good luck to all the other people living in this building.āĀ
The library turns out to be the right choice. You spend three hours pretending to work, two hours ranting to the group chat about Naoyaās latest monthly photo dump, and fifteen minutes with your fingers tapping away at your keyboard which is still fifteen minutes more of productivity that you wouldnāt have achieved at your apartment so youād call that a success.
When you come home, you brace yourself before reaching your floor.Ā
Surprisingly, thereās a lack of any noise at all. No thudding, noĀ scrapping, no IKEA-related violence. Your screwdriver sits neatly outside your door, wrapped in a sticky note.Ā
returned in one piece like i promised! im hoping u took my advice and left the building otherwise can u write your complaint in five words or less? im sleepy zzz
You look at his door, a reluctant smile on your face. For the first time since he moved in, you wonder if maybe the problem was never that he was impossible to live beside. Maybe the walls were thin, and he was loud, and you were miserable, and neither of you had known how to be people around each other yet.Ā
Maybe, if you both communicated like normal neighbours, this could actually work.Ā
If you assumed life would look up following this revelation, then youāre sorely underestimating the evil forces (read: Naoyaās Etsy witch) conspiring against your happiness.Ā
Because the next morning, it isnāt some upbeat anime opening that wakes you up. Instead, itās the mucus trapped in your airways and the pounding at your temples, dragging you from the dead only to make you feel worse for it.
You throw your duvet over your head and pray that when you resurface, your cold will have miraculously disappeared. It doesnāt work, to no surprise, though that thought irritates you too. Then again, maybe thatās just the built up annoyance from having your nose blocked. Miserable and stuffy, you close your eyes and remind yourself to take in a deep breath through your nose when youāve healed, just to not take it for granted.Ā
Itās times like this when you miss your good-for-nothing ex, times like this when you remember there used to be someone you could text without thinking, someone you could badger for some chicken noodle soup and maybe a hug and a kiss on your forehead.Ā
Your own weakness pisses you off.
With great effort, you drag yourself upright and shuffle into your kitchen, pawing through empty pantries. Any plans of heading to that early morning tutorial this morning immediately leaves your mind at your pathetic show of strength.Ā
Youāre halfway through grabbing cereal, any other breakfast option simply too tedious, when a loud voice cuts through the haze.Ā
āYeah, she just didnāt get it. And when you have to explain a joke, itās already over. No dude, obviously itās her fault for not being with it and not because Iām unfunny, donāt even kid.ā
You frown slightly, munching on another chip, thumb scrolling past a video youāre not even sure you watched. Who the hell says āwith itā?
āIf you donāt fuck with with it, then youāre one of the people who arenāt with it. Youāre without it.ā He continues.
You make a small noise of consideration, vaguely thinking that you might get along with his friend as they seemingly voice your own thoughts.
Your neighbour continues, undeterred from his friendās unenthusiastic responses. āThereās no chance Iām seeing her again. She did text me but Iām just going to leave her on delivered. Is it cruel or is it saving myself from someone who called my Agumon keychain the deformed twin Charmander consumed in the womb?ā
You laugh, sound muffled when your neighbourās voice peaks.
āHe doesnāt, Charmander is from a completely different franchise! And Iāll have you know that keychain was from an artist at Anime Con so when youāre picking on my little guy, youāre making fun of a small business.ā
A pause. You scrunch your nose.
āYeah, I didnāt mean to call it my little guy. If it helps, I gave my dick she/her pronouns like how a truck guy calls his truck a real beauty so sheās not my little guy.ā
You snort, crunching down on a chip. You wonder if that sweet salesman next door is as enthralled in 4Bās love life as you were.
āDonāt make such a disgusted sound, sheāll take offence.ā
Thereās shuffling from above as your neighbour supposedly shifts to a different position, now closer to you such that you could faintly make out the voice of his friend.
āIs liking Agumon such a big deal breaker for you?ā his friend says, voice smoother than the whiny tilt in 4Bās.
āHonestly, no. Agumon is my favourite character and Iām not really comfortable sharing him with others because he means a lot to me. But then when I started talking about Digimon she asked me why I didnāt just get a Pikachu keychain instead since everyone at least knew Pikachu and itāll save me from the questions. Pikachu. The mainstream corporate mouse.ā
āOkay,ā his friend sighs, ābut to be fair, most people know more about Pokemon than Digimon. At least she was trying?ā
āThatās the problem!ā your neighbour fires back and the image of him in your head changes around his enthusiasm about digital monsters. āNo one gives Digimon the respect that it deserves. People act like itās Pokemonās weird cousin when really itās more like Pokemonās smarter, cooler, better-dressed older sibling who went overseas to continue pursuing their education.ā
āAnd did you tell her that?ā
āYeah, right there in the restaurant."
āYouāre never getting a second date.ā
He snorts, apparently offended. āPlease, like I wanted one.ā
Despite yourself you laugh though the silence that follows is enough to rid you of all your amusement. Awkwardly, you trail off by clearing your throat, feeling somewhat like a creep for letting your eavesdropping be known. All this talk about knowing to stay quiet and yet you catch yourself slipping.
You listen as 4B says a quick goodbye to his friend. Thereās a rustle, a soft thud, and then his voice comes again, closer this time, like heās leaned right up against the wall between your apartments.
āHello? Is someone there?ā
For one fleeting second, you think that if this were a horror movie, he would absolutely be the first to die. Not that youād fare much better, considering you answer him.
āHi.ā
Thereās a small pause, then, āNo way. 4A? What the hell, I thought you already left for class.ā
Your heart skips, thudding against your ribs. For a second, you consider staying quiet and let the walls swallow the moment whole. Pretend it wasnāt you, pretend like the two of you havenāt been trading insults like you were passing notes in class.
There had been a fragile understanding between the two of you to never reach out. And yet, in this moment, you canāt bring yourself to remember why.
You clear your throat, thick with the tail end of your cold. āWell it looks like you guessed wrong. Do I need to send you another death threat for you to keep it down?ā
You hear him wince, a quiet sound muffled by the walls. āMaybe we should go back to writing notes to each other. I didnāt know youād sound like a 40 year old smoker.ā
āIām sick, jackass.ā
He hums, unconvinced. Thereās a beat of silence as he thinks of what to say. Then, āSo, youāre a girl?ā
Your eyes roll to your ceiling as you sigh, whatever you were expecting immediately thrown away. āWhat exactly is that supposed to mean?ā
He huffs out a small chuckle like he can hear the exasperation in your voice and finds it amusing. āIām just surprised. I mean, youāre so mean to me. Girls usually love me, you know, Iām kind of a ladiesā man.ā
That pulls a laugh out of you, rough on your sore throat but impossible to stop. āYou? With that personality? Consider me the one surprised.ā
āIām serious. Iām kind of a campus celebrity. Girls flock to me.ā
You hoist yourself up onto the kitchen counter, angling your back against the wall where his voice comes through clearest. āYou donāt have to lie to impress me.ā
Thereās a pause and you wonder if your playful insults had gone a little too far in your sick state.
āOh, I might be into this.ā
āWhat?ā
āNothing.ā Thereās the faint sound of movement on the other side before your mysterious neighbour talks again. āI meant, what type of person do you think I am then?ā
āConsidering you fumbled a first date because of a cartoon, I think you have your answer,ā you coo with faux sympathy. āYou should be nicer to her since Iām sure your cooldown for the next date might take a while.ā
āFirst of all,ā he says, apparently offended. āItās not a cartoon. Second, she fumbled the date on her end. It was a necessary culling for me.ā
You snort. āYou got dumped over Digimon, letās settle down.ā
āYou didnāt even know what Digimon was until I put you on a few days ago.ā
You shrug, despite the fact that he canāt see the gesture. āAnd now that I know itās even more pathetic. Agumon is the weird orange dinosaur thing, right?ā
His whine comes through the wall, only cementing the fact that whoever is on the other side might be the biggest nerd you know. You wonder if he lied about not being a masochist considering heās taking your insults pretty well. āHey, come on. Heās just a cute little guy.ā
āRight,ā you draw out, unimpressed. āDonāt glaze him when he might be the reason youāre a social shut in.ā
āThatās a new one. I am now, am I?ā
āPlease,ā you start, warming up to the idea as she speak it into existence. āIf women are all over you like you claim they are, why havenāt I heard anyone come over? You and I both know just how thin the walls in this place is.ā
āExactly,ā he shoots back. āSo why would I bring them back here? Unless you want to be kept awake all night.ā
That makes you laugh, the idea of this voice youāre hearing now having any experience at all extremely humourous, much less with the ability to go all night long. You can almost imagine the state of his room, littered with anime posters and plushies making sex feel like a group activity. If you looked up past his figure over you, youād probably see neon light up stars on his ceilings.
āIf you can talk so much about my love life,ā he trails off, voice deceptively casual and airy, ādo you have a boyfriend?ā
That makes you freeze. Something hard and spiky settles in your stomach and you shift on the countertop, searching for a spot thatās comfortable because for some reason, it feels like youāve lost it. āNo.ā
The voice doesnāt say anything for a while. āMy bad. Touchy subject?ā
You shrug despite the fact that he canāt see the gesture and pull your legs to your chest. āItās fine. Itās been, like, half a year. He was a douche anyway.ā
āOkay, six months, not bad.ā
Hearing the slight mumble from the other side of the wall but unable to understand it coherently, you frown and press your ear closer. āWhat was that?ā
4B clears his throat. āIām just saying maybe donāt talk shit when I havenāt heard you bring anyone over either.ā
You roll your eyes, forcing your shoulders to relax and somewhat grateful at his deflection. āAt least I donāt claim to be a microcelebrity. I keep my circle small and that works.ā
āIs there room for one more?ā
A laugh escapes you, genuine and surprised. āWhy? Asking for a friend or yourself?ā
You can hear the smile in his voice when he says, āYou diagnosed me as a social shut in, remember? Iām clearing asking for myself.ā
āWeāll see, 4B,ā you say, though youāre matching his tone with a smile. It doesnāt, however, stop your voice from sounding croakier than intended and you have to painfully make an awkward gargling sound to clear your throat a number of times.
4B winces sympathetically, and he lets you get the worst of it out before speaking again. āSounds like you might need some water and then a nap.ā
āTrust me, that was the plan.ā
You start to wiggle down from your counter and grab something to drink, wrongly assuming the conversation ends here.
āAre we going to talk again?ā he asks in a rush, and you huff as your feet touch the ground.
āWe live next to each other, genius. I donāt think I could avoid you even if I tried.ā
āAnd would you try?ā
You sip from your glass, ignoring him.
āOkay, thatās fine. Iāll win you over, just wait.ā Thereās no doubt in your mind that heās grinning, you can hear it in the peaks of his voice. āIāll try to keep it down for you. And then maybe youāll be less grouchy when you wake up?ā
āGo fuck yourself, 4B.ā
You roll your eyes, glad that thereās a wall between you to prevent him from seeing your smile. āGoodnight, 4A.ā
Gojo Satoru isnāt a man who lacks.Ā
Heās got the grades (barely, but theyāre there), the genes (obviously), the height (something even Suguru finds unfair), the charm (obnoxious), and a reputation on campus that both precedes and betrays him. He walks into a room and people notice. Professors sigh, girls nudge each other, guys scowl though itāll be his friends thatāll roll their eyes at his presence first.Ā
He is used to winning. More importantly, he is used to having almost everything in a way that requires very little effort on his part.Ā
So what the hell is he doing, lying on his bedroom floor where the voice of a stranger still lingers, staring at his wall like it might crack open and offer him answers? She hadnāt even said much, not enough to leave this big of an impression.Ā
Maybe it was the shock that the person leaving at ungodly hours in the morning beneath him was a girl. He doesnāt know why heād assumed otherwise. Maybe because the notes had always read so dry, so flat, so quick to snap back at him that somewhere along the way heād started hearing them in Suguruās voice.Ā
Except the voice through the wall had been unmistakably feminine, and now Gojo was having the deeply inconvenient realisation that he might, in fact, be into that.Ā
It wasnāt even what she said more so how she said it, offhanded and easy as if talking to him was nothing, like he was nothing. and curse his enormous ego, he was Gojo Satoru, for godās sake. Heās got at least three people in his dms right now asking what heās up to tonight and it would be as easy as typing back ānothingā to have any one of them.Ā
But none of them had left a note that told him to get his shit together. None of them made him laugh when ten seconds prior he was so ready to implode, none of them had him craning to his floor like some desperate victorian man listening to the ghostly whispers through the thin plaster.Ā
Gojo drags a hand down his face, then turns his head again to look at it.
The wall. Plain, off-white, slightly cracked near the skirting board, absolutely identical to every other wall in this terrible building and yet suddenly the most compelling thing in his apartment because now, youāre behind it. Separated from him by a few layers of plaster and paint and bad insulation, close enough that he can hear your laugh if the room is quiet, close enough that he can picture you leaning back against the other side without ever having seen it happen.
Gojo runs a hand through his hair, frowning.Ā
āThis is bad,ā he mutters for the second time that day as he explores the foreign feeling in his chest.Ā
The urge to hear from her again beats like a second heart in his chest, and the distinction between hear and see is important because now it feels less about appearances and more about something else, something he doesnāt have a smug enough name for yet.
Gojo reaches for his laptop, then drops it back onto the floor a second later when even pretending to do work feels stupid when heās one bad decision away from knocking on the wall just to see if you answer.
Because Gojo doesnāt lack.Ā
Yet tonight, as he sits on his cold carpet, phone face-down beside him and no urge to answer any of his unread messages, he realises he might be wanting.Ā
The next time you wake, your fever has left you in an uncomfortable puddle of your own sweat, damp sheets sticking to your skin. A reluctant glance at your alarm clock confirms the worst: itās 7 a.m. the next day, and you have a 9 a.m. lecture to attend. Somehow, youād managed to sleep through a near-complete twenty-four-hour cycle, vaguely only remembering how you had stumbled out of bed for the bathroom or small bites of whatever you could find.Ā
When you open your door to make a hasty exit, jammed toast between your teeth and the delirious hope that youāll run into a handsome guy around the corner of your block, you almost trip over something that ends your hopes (and almost your life). Thankfully, you catch yourself on your hands and glare down at the perpetrator.Ā
A sports drink looks back up at you, adorned with a yellow sticky note stuck to its side. After looking left and right down the empty corridor, you pick up the bottle and read the note.Ā
im not a fan of sick neighbour asmr ā4b
You snort despite yourself, heading for the stairs. On the way, you flip the note around and pen a short reply, sticking it to 4Bās door before heading out.Ā
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Somehow, despite being sick, Shoko shows up to your tutorial later than you. You wave as she dumps her tote under the table and flops unceremoniously into the seat beside you.Ā
āAre you still sick?ā she asks in lieu of a greeting. āYou shouldnāt come to class if youāre not feeling well.āĀ
āWhat makes you think Iām still sick?ā you ask in a voice that can only be attributed to years of smoking or recovering from sickness.Ā
She gives you a look. āRight. So the eyebags are just your usual go to?ā
āIt would be fucked up if i always looked like this and you just called me ugly.ā You cover your face with your hands. āBut itās not that bad, is it? I still have a reputation I care about.āĀ
āIām genuinely afraid of telling you the truth because it might push you over the edge. So yes, girl you look gorgeous.āĀ
You roll your eyes, slumping to rest your cheek against your arms, looking at her from the side. Her phone vibrates and you hear it loud with your ear pressed against the desk, flinching slightly until she picks it up.Ā
āWhat is it?āĀ
Shoko lets out an unamused huff and shows you the screen.Ā
gojo (DO NOT ANSWER): wanna hit me up with the pre lab questions?Ā
It would be a mission to go through university without hearing the name āGojo Satoruā whether in secretive whispers or muffled in laughter. For one, heās sport captain for some sport youāve never paid enough attention to remember. Heās stupidly charming in a way that makes people sigh even when theyāre rolling their eyes with an accompanying begrudged smile. Half the girls in your course claim heās flirted with them whilst the other half say theyād punch him given the chance, before pausing and muttering something like, ābut heās kind of funny, I guess.āĀ
The only other piece of information you know about him is that heās loud, annoyingly so which places you in that category of girls that would more likely punch him in the stomach than kiss him.Ā
You wonder how on earth Shoko could be friends with someone her complete opposite.Ā
You look up and raise an eyebrow at her. āWell? Are you going to?ā
āDo you read with your eyes closed? I clearly saved his contact as ādo not answerā. If Gojo wants pre-lab questions that badly, he can go flirt them out of one of his fifty fans.ā
You snort.āGlad to know youāre a bad friend to everyone and not just me.ā
She shrugs. āHe thinks I owe him a huge favour for something he did for me a while ago when that is not true at all. Iām sure thereās other people he can hit up for answers. You know how he is, thereās always someone trailing after him like a lost puppy.āĀ
āConsidering I donāt know the guy, no not really,ā you say, nudging your cheek more firmly into your folded arms, locking in for a storytime. āTell me about him.ā
Shoko narrows her eyes at you. āYou want to know about him?ā
āGirl,ā you huff, ālike gossip. I promise Iām not a groupie. I donāt think Iāve ever actually had a conversation with him so donāt look at me like that.ā
āThat makes sense. Heās usually only on lower campus so thereās little chance of him showing up randomly, anyway.āĀ
āSounds like you donāt like him,ā you say, intelligently.Ā
āIāve been stuck with him and Geto since high school,ā she starts and you actually feel bad for her. āGod forbid I donāt want to see him in my formative years, too.āĀ
You laugh because misfortune is always better on others than yourself. āNow you have to tell me. What did he do to you?ā
Shoko doesnāt seem amused. She looks you up and down, eyes narrowing at the smile on your face. āYou know, Iām actually an incredible friend and as a friend who cares about you deeply, let me tell you this. You do not want to hook up with him.ā
You splutter, lifting your head. āWhat the fuck? I just wanted to know about the guy! Can we start with being friends first, damn?ā
āLetās just say I know him,ā your best friend continues, unfazed. āHe wouldnāt be able to stay as just friends with someone like you.ā
āOkay, and what the fuck does that even mean?ā
āLook,ā she says, and you open your mouth to cut her off because the telltale signs that sheās about to change the topic are there. āHeās also in Sig Kap.ā
The words hit like cold water. Whatever fragile lightness had been carrying you through the morning dims all at once. Shoko notices immediately, of course she does, and some of the bite leaves her expression.
āI just thought you should know.ā
You slump back into your chair, crossing your arms and looking down at your table, contemplating if you should start banging your head against the hard surface and end your suffering. āWhat a mood killer. Did you really have to bring that up?ā
āIām just saying, if you start seeing Gojo around, the chances of also seeing your ex is very high. Sure, theyāre not in the same frat but theyāre both still in that same group of guys. You know, inter-fraternity relations.āĀ
āThereās a lot of assuming going on right now, like the fact that I would even see Gojo in the first place, but Iāll let it slide because I suddenly feel the urge to shoot myself in the head.āĀ
āI thought you were over your ex?ā
You donāt say anything for a while, trying to muse out the complex ball of feelings in your gut.Ā
You had been falling out of love with Naoya for months before the breakup. Maybe even longer, if youāre being honest. It wasnāt like it happened all at once, and there wasnāt one dramatic collapse, no one, big, awful fight, just a slow and steady erosion. A hundred small disappointments, a hundred moments of realising he was more interested in having a girlfriend than being a boyfriend. He forgets the things you tell him, interrupts you to tell your own stories better, talks all pretty to your girl friends and then simultaneously talks shit to you about them when you ask him to stop requesting them on Instagram.Ā
So if you do miss him, then you might have a masochist streak in you.Ā
What you miss, maybe, is who you were before all of that. The version of you that believed romance was something soft and mutual and worth fighting for, instead of something performative that slowly hollows itself out while you stand there insisting itās still alive.
āY/N?ā
You blink and realise Shoko is watching you. āOh, uh. I am over him. I just wish I could have the pre-Naoya me back, thatās all.ā
Shoko makes a disgusted sound on your behalf. āDo not say his name. I gagged.ā
āRight?ā You shake your head and dismiss whatever useless thoughts still linger, forcing yourself to relax back into something a little more light-hearted. āBut itās whatever. Iāve learnt my lesson now, frat boys are not to be trusted and dating one is like draining all the whimsy out of your body. I honestly donāt care about him anymore and I wouldnāt even think about him at all if I didnāt have that film to make.ā
That makes your best friend giggle. āThe one about love.ā
āIs this funny to you?ā you ask with a huff, but youāre grateful that she doesn't force you to say any more than youāre ready for.
āExtremely.ā She nods, then dodges when you reach over to try and playfully hit her. āLook, Iām sure inspiration will hit you soon. Love always arrives when you least expect it, and all that.ā
You give her a long look, face unmoving. āI donāt want the girl with the girlfriend of three years to say that. Get out of my face.ā
Shoko laughs loudly, and you both trail off as the lecture starts.Ā
The rest of class passes in the usual blur of half-listening and half-heartedly playing minesweeper on the google chrome extension open on your laptop. By the time you make it back to the sketchy, wilted building you unfortunately call home, winter evening has settled in for real, the kind that turns everything blue-grey and has you squinting down the street every few minutes just to make sure the shape in the distance is a person and not a fire hydrant. You had to use your phoneās flashlight for this, and in the last few steps up to your apartment, it betrays you by dying.Ā
Thankfully, you still manage to make it to your place in one piece.Ā
You peel the note off your door on your way in, flick on the lights, and let your tote bag drop to the floor with a tired thud.
feeling better?
A soft smile tugs at your mouth before it fades just as quickly, replaced by a small furrow in your brow. Weird.
Youāre halfway to the kitchen to find the stack of sticky notes you left on the island in a rush this morning when the world abruptly cuts out.
āThe fuckāā
āOw!ā In the sudden darkness, you misjudge the turn around the counter and slam straight into the corner of it.
From the other side of the wall, 4Bās voice comes a little louder. ā4A? You okay?ā
You suck in a sharp breath, one hand nursing your hip as you try to steady yourself. āYeah. Just walked straight into my counter corner. What the fuck happened?ā
Thereās the sound of faint footsteps, then the creak of something shifting as he leans against the wall in his kitchen. āI think this is what they call a power outage. Correct me if Iām wrong.ā
āI know that, smartass,ā you mutter, though not so quietly where he canāt hear. āBut how did that happen? Itās not even storming or anything.ā
āWhatās wrong? Scared of the dark?ā
You scoff, already dreading the upcoming conversation. Despite this, you fumble to where that familiar countertop sits against the connecting wall between your apartments and hoist yourself up easily, leaning back so his voice is clearer when he speaks. āNo. We pay rent for this place, of course I want to know whatās happening when the lights all suddenly cut.ā
āI can text the landlord. If it happened to both of us then itās probably a building wide thing so itāll be their responsibility. But all we can do is wait.ā
You sigh, long and full of suffering. āThis sucks. Couldnāt the power go off at midnight or something?ā
āIāll let the landlord know your availability.āĀ
You roll your eyes and make yourself comfortable, relenting to stay for however long itāll take for there to be light again. You mourn the death of your phone then, holding the power button for some kind of miracle and get reminded that, once again, your life sucks and is only full of betrayal and tragedy.Ā
For a short moment, silence settles between you, and suddenly youāre struck by the irritating realisation that beyond his notes, his terrible taste in alarms, and his frankly irresponsible attachment to Digimon, you know almost nothing about the stranger on the other side of the wall.
āSo,ā you start.
āYeah?ā
āWhat were you up to? You know, before the power went out and everything.ā
āCurious, hm?ā your neighbour replies, that irritating teasing tilt in his tone. āI was just about to lock in for an assignment so I can focus on the midterms coming up in a week.āĀ
You hum. āWhat course are you doing?āĀ
āPhysics. And I know what youāre going to sayāā
You snort. āNerd.āĀ
āYou know, some people find intelligence attractive.ā
āDo those people also happen to be the same imaginary campus-wide fanbase you keep bringing up?āĀ
He laughs and you immediately lock onto the pleasant sound, not because you particularly care, but when your vision is knocked out, everything you hear seems amplified. Including the pretty tilt in his tone, the richness in his laugh, and the fact that his voice sits somewhere deeper than you expected from his petulant notes.
āWell, what about you, then? If Iām the resident physics nerd, what are you?āĀ
You glance out into your dark apartment, the outline of your living room barely there in what little evening light still makes it through the windows. Your camera sits somewhere on the table, your laptop buried inside your tote, your assignment still waiting to be done.Ā
āFilm,ā you say at last. āWell, not film-film. Iām just doing one elective this semester to boost my grades but if I could go back in time I would have picked that social media class everyone else does as a GPA booster.ā
Your neighbour makes a sound of recognition. āOh, that! Yeah, I took that in my first year. Our midterm was to write a report on the significance of āget ready with meāsā. Iām so serious.āĀ
You groan, dropping your head onto your knees. āI know, my friend was telling me how she did that class too.ā
āWhoās your friend? Wouldnāt it be so funny if your friend was actually in my class that year?ā
You roll your eyes. Shoko would have definitely told you about someone like him. āI doubt it. We do the same course and none of our classes are ever near the physics buildings.āĀ
He hums. āYou never know. I get around.āĀ
That makes you laugh. āSure, 4B. Letās stick to hypothetical equations instead of your hypothetical maladaptive daydreams, okay?āĀ
āYou pick on me too much,ā he whines. āGive me something to work with, Iām starting to really feel this power imbalance. Whatās your film assignment about?ā
You let out a long breath through your nose, already hearing his voice in your head and every possible jab he can make. āItās a film on love.ā
He snorts. āRight, because when I talk to you Iām just overwhelmed by the love seeping out of you.ā
You sigh. āKill yourself.ā
āSee, this is what I mean.ā
āAll you know about me is my voice,ā you shoot back, not necessarily offended so much as annoyed. āIāve been told that Iām a very benevolent and kind person.ā
He hums. āMaybe not when youāre so grouchy then.ā
āIām not being grouchy.ā
āAt least try and make your point come across.ā
āMy point is that Iām a delight,ā you say flatly. āA warm presence, a gentle soul. Campus-wide rumours actually say Iām beloved by all who meet me.ā
āNow who has the imaginary campus-wide fanbase?ā he laughs, and even though you roll your eyes, itās harder to hold onto your irritation when he sounds that pleased with himself.
The dark presses in around your apartment, turning everything into vague shapes and corners, but his voice keeps coming through the wall like a little light you cannot see.
āOkay, then,ā he says after his laughing fit. āProve it.ā
You frown, even though he canāt see you. āProve what?ā
āThat youāre not grouchy. That youāre a person full of fun and whimsy. If your film is about love, then tell me one thing you love.ā
You make a face. āThat sounds like worldās worst icebreaker.ā
āSomeoneās getting defensive,ā he sings, sounding far too amused. āCome on, 4A. one thing. It doesnāt have to be deep. Actually, please donāt make it deep, Iām not emotionally prepared for that. Just something stupid that makes you happy. Thatās still love, you know?ā
You open your mouth with another complaint ready, but nothing comes out. Which is annoying, because it should be easy. Before Naoya, before the breakup, before the awful assignment and the worse timing, you had liked plenty of things without needing to justify them. You liked when orange and pink bleeds across the sky on the walk back from a long day of classes, you liked smiling at dogs when they crossed your paths on the streets, you liked the warmth of a delicious heated drink in your hands on a cold, winter morning. You liked watching people reunite at train stations, you liked filming light moving across your bedroom wall because, at the time, it had seemed like something worth keeping.
Now, asked to name that something out loud, your mind offers you nothing but static.
āJesus, okay,ā he says after a beat. āThe silence is very telling.ā
There is a soft scrape on his side of the wall, like he is sliding down to sit more comfortably. āOkay, Iāll go first since clearly you need a role model. I love when vending machines actually drop the thing you paid for instead of holding it hostage behind the glass. I love when you think a package is coming next week and then it arrives today like a tiny miracle.ā
Despite yourself, you huff. āSounds like you just love consumerism.ā
āI also love when a dog on the street looks like it has somewhere important to be. Like, where are you going? Do you have a meeting? Are you late? Should I call ahead?ā
Fuck, that was on your list too.Ā
āFine,ā you say, shifting on the counter until your socked foot bumps against one of the cabinet handles. āI love when youāre walking past a bakery and theyāre making bread, but youāre not hungry, so you just get to enjoy the smell without spending money.āĀ
āHow very financially responsible of you. Youāre like the opposite of me. Anti-consumerism.ā You can hear the grin in his voice. āOkay, next. Weāre making a list now. Thatās how brainstorming works, right?āĀ
You sigh like this is a burden, like you are not already turning the question over in your hands. āI love when the train comes right as you get to the platform.āĀ
āReally? That sounds stressful.āĀ
āI love when someone in front of you in line is ordering something complicated and you get annoyed, but then theyāre actually really nice to the worker, so you forgive them.āĀ
āBecause is it ever that serious?āĀ
You roll your eyes, but your mouth betrays you by pulling into a smile. It feels strange on your face, like trying on an old jacket you had forgotten in the back of your closet, something that had once been yours. Itās not a terrible feeling, you decide, perhaps just a little unfamiliar.Ā
āOkay, my turn again,ā 4B says. āI love when you see someone running for the bus and the bus driver waits for them.āĀ
āThatās rare, some people have that sadistic bone in their body that wants to only see others suffer.āĀ
āWhich is why it makes those off chance moments better. Rarity increases market value.āĀ
āThereās that consumerism bleeding through again.āĀ
A thought arrives quietly, not quite the decision you were hoping for in the library, but itās a small, familiar itch of wanting to keep something before it passes.
āI love when someone laughs so hard they make the other person start laughing even if they donāt know whatās funny,ā he continues.
Your eyes have gone to the table again. There isnāt a clean, decisive moment to it, certainly no sudden burst of artistic purpose that you might call inspiration. You simply slide off the counter while he keeps talking, careful not to knock your hip into the corner again and feel your way through the dim apartment toward your camera.
āAlso,ā he continues, completely unaware. āI love finishing a book or movie and getting so into it that you look it up on Twitter for everyone elseās take.ā
āSounds like you just struggle to form an original thought on your own.ā
āIām superseding my opinion.ā
āOh, what a big word! Good job, 4B.ā
You finally find your dust camera hidden by more important things, and take it back to the kitchen.
The room is too dark for the lens to catch anything properly. For a second, you nearly give up, but then your gaze lands on the candle sitting untouched on your dining table, the one you bought months ago because it smelled like vanilla and cedarwood and you had convinced yourself buying one candle would somehow turn your apartment into a Pinterest boardās dream. Youāve never lit it.
But for some reason, the desire to make a mark in the wax comes to front and you set it on the windowsill without any more thinking.
The lighter takes three tries to catch.
āWhatās that clicking sound?ā
āWhat clicking sound?ā you mumble, brows burrowed as the fire dies again.
āAm I going crazy? Just warning you but I have crazy keen hearing. And now with my sight gone, Iām even more locked in. Sounds like⦠are you lighting a birthday cake? Is it your birthday?ā
āThatās what you think of first when you hear a light?ā You donāt know whether to laugh or coo at his innocence in your dorky neighbour. āIām just lighting a candle because itās dark.ā
The candle flame shivers to life, small and uneven. Throwing a weak gold light over the window ledge and the lower half of the glass. Itās frankly a terrible light source, dim but somehow managing to catch the smudge of your fingerprints on the window and turns the kitchen sink into a dark, warped shape in the reflection. When you prop the camera up against your water jug, lifted by two stacked coasters, the frame tilts slightly to the left.
You hit record.
āOkay, your turn,ā he says.
You blink at the red dot on the camera screen. āWhat?ā
āItās your turn again. Donāt think I didnāt notice you going quiet there. Just because I canāt see you doesnāt mean you can get away with not contributing your part to this list.ā
āAs if youāre keeping track of everything.ā You settle back against the counter, close enough to the camera that your voice will catch. āOkay, hereās one. I love it when people apologise to furniture after walking into it. Oh, and, when someone saves you a seat.ā
He hums, turning the thought over in his head. āThatās a good one. Could even be your thesis statement for your film, honestly. Something pretentious. Like how love is making room.ā
You giggle. āLove is setting aside a space for someone.āĀ
āLove as chair politics,ā he says smartly.Ā
āLove is an empty seat: an interdisciplinary exploration into effort-based decision-making.āĀ
āOkay, you made this not fun by actually sounding smart. What the hell is effort-based decision-making?āĀ
āGoogle is free.ā
You hear the grin in his voice as he bounces off your words. āSo is a tree, hang from it.āĀ
The laugh leaves you before you can stop it. It is sharp and ugly, startled out of you in a way that makes you clap a hand over your mouth too late. The sound echoes faintly in your dark kitchen, caught by the camera, your shadow probably distorted by the terrible angle and the water jug propping it upright.Ā
There is a beat of silence on the other side of the wall. Then, quietly, delightedly, āOh, you thought that was funny. You think Iām funny?āĀ
āPlease, it was a fluke.āĀ
āThat was the healthiest youāve sounded all day.ā
You make an offended noise and reach blindly toward the counter until your hand lands on a tea towel. You throw it at the wall and it hits with a soft, deeply unsatisfying slap before flopping onto the floor.Ā
He gasps. āDid you just throw something at me?āĀ
āConsider it a formal complaint.āĀ
āIām snitching to the landlord.āĀ
āTell them to fix the power while youāre there.āĀ
āFine. But Iām adding attempted murder on top of that previous violent note.āĀ
You shake your head to yourself, still smiling. If you were sane, you might take the time to wonder what the fuck you were doing, sitting on your kitchen counter, arguing with a man youāve yet to seen, smiling like an idiot at your own wall. And yet, you hesitate to move.Ā
For a moment, neither of you say anything and a silence that isnāt quite awkward settles over you both.Ā
Then, with a sudden electric hum, the fridge kicks back on and the ceiling light blinks once, twice, and then floods the kitchen in a harsh yellow that makes you squint, and makes your neighbour curse in surprise.Ā
āOh!āĀ
From the other side of the wall, he lets out a sigh. āBoo.āĀ
You laugh again, leaning over to check your camera. āBoo?ā
āI was having fun,ā he says, almost accusingly. āThe dark was doing wonders for our dynamic. You were less mean when you couldnāt see.ā
āYou mean when I was visually impaired and vulnerable?ā
āExactly. It was bringing out your softer side. Or maybe it was all me.ā
Looking at the camera, you see that the little red dot is glowing steadily on the screen, and only then remember what you were meant to be doing in the first place. Most of the clip is probably just your kitchen window, your voice too close to the mic and his voice muffled through the plaster, the two of you listing stupid things that barely count as anything.Ā
Still, your fingers hesitates over the stop button.Ā
On the other side of the wall, he shifts and the wall groans. āYou alive over there? The light didnāt evaporate you when they turned back on, did they?āĀ
You press stop. āNow how does that make any sense?āĀ
You pick up the camera, thumb hovering over the saved clip. The thumbnail is dark and grainy, almost useless at first glance, but when you play the first second back, your own laugh cracks through the tiny speaker before you panic and mute it.Ā
Your face warms.Ā
Stupid.Ā
So, so stupid. But you donāt delete it. Instead, you set the camera carefully on the counter and blow out your candle still burning against the window.Ā
āAnyway, since the lights are back, Iām going to pretend to do my assignment now. Keyword pretend because I like to keep my goals realistic,ā 4B says and the strange mood lifts and dissipates with the candleās smoke.Ā
āGood luck with that.ā
āGood luck with your love thing.ā
You look down at the camera again.
āYeah,ā you say, picking it up before you can change your mind. āThanks.ā
āFor what?ā
You pause. Then you tuck the camera against your chest and head out of the kitchen. āNothing.ā
Behind the wall, 4B laughs like he does not believe you at all, and you leave before he can ask.
You donāt remember when but sometime along the semester, you begin to enjoy waking up. You hadnāt grown a newfound appreciation for your alarm, no that was still a work in progress, but something about opening your eyes to start a new day no longer evoked a groan. Your next door neighbour did that for you instead.
One morning you were waking up to a quiet early morning and the next, you hear an alarm ring parallel to yours.
You hear it again this morning as you rub the sleep from your eyes as some anime opening plays, muffled by the distance. When you step into your kitchen, itās louder, and you hear the soft padding of feet against floorboards as 4B wakes.
āMorning,ā heāll mumble, voice rough from sleep, just as he did now.
āGood morning,ā youāll say back and hope he doesnāt hear the smile in your voice.
Heāll grunt in acknowledgement, heading for his bathroom which youāve come to realise shares a wall with your bedroom. Youāll get started on packing a lunch to take to campus while he takes his sweet time getting ready. You wake far too early for him, after all.
Youāll pause on your way out, just as you did now, tilting your head slightly to listen. If he hears your door open, heāll call out, āGood luck with your classes!ā and if he doesnāt, water too loud or too immersed in something else, youāll say, āSee you later!ā
Itās a routine youāve come to love.
Sometimes when he hears you sigh coming back from campus, youāll hear him close his fridge and fall into his couch. āGrey's Anatomy?ā heāll ask loudly and youāll laugh softly, hand already reaching to grab your remote despite your drowsiness.
You tell yourself it isnāt a big deal. Plenty of people have neighbours and plenty of people talk to said neighbours. Plenty of people probably know the exact sound of their neighbourās footsteps in the morning, the difference between their sleepy voice and their smug voice, the exact pause before they say something annoying just to get you to react.Ā
Probably.Ā
Still, the thought follows you out of your apartment and all the way to campus, sitting somewhere uncomfortable behind your ribs. Itās there when you catch yourself slowing down near the front steps because someone ahead of you laughs a little too loud and, for one stupid second, you think it might be him. It is there when you buy coffee and almost order an extra pastry because 4B once mentioned he loves sugary things first thing in the morning and frankly any other time of the day.Ā
It is there when you realise, with a kind of quiet horror, that you might actually like him.Ā
Recognising the telltale signs that youāre about to spiral, you decide to at least try and prevent it by taking a walk and touching grass. Unfortunately, you forget that there are evil forces against you because when you step into the main courtyard on campus on your way out, you immediately find yourself in hell.Ā
Like, actual hell. Like thereās a frat car wash happening in the middle of the campus kind of hell.
A row of cars lines the curb beside the courtyard, soapy water running down the pavement in bright, bubbly streams. Someone has set up a folding table with a cardboard sign that reads SIG KAP CHARITY CAR WASH in marker thick enough to be seen from across the street. A group of people have already crowded around the main attraction snapping away and laughing, the men scattered around yelling over each other as they try and organise the mess. Thereās a JBL speaker playing Cbat and other such EDM trap that has you wondering if youāve walked yourself into a rave.Ā
And standing in the middle of it all, shirtless and holding a sponge as flexes for his groupies, is Gojo Satoru.Ā
Heās hot. Thereās really no polite way around it. His hair is damp from the spray of the hose, white strands pushed messily off his forehead and curling slightly at the ends. Water runs in thin lines down his throat, over the sharp cut of his collarbones, then lower and lower, disappearing along the hard planes of his stomach and tapering down into droplets that catch the sun on his abs.Ā
Your eyes follow a line of water that continues further down which is definitely a mistake.Ā
A deeply human mistake, but still a mistake nonetheless because it means you get an unwillingly thorough look at the narrow dip of his waist, the low-slung band of his shorts, the way his abdomen tightens when he twists the sponge out over the hood of a car.Ā
You shake your head, rattling any more indecent thoughts from your head. Sure, fine, heās hot as fuck. But who is genuinely stupid enough to get seduced into donating money because some guy with abs and wet hair smiles at them whilst simultaneously wiping bird shit off a windscreen?
A group passes by the table and drops a note into the donation jar.Ā
You stare. Okay, nevermind. Apparently some people really will. Still, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You donāt have a car, you donāt carry cash on you, and you donāt want to entertain a bunch of frat guys especially after all youāve learnt this year. So, you adjust the strap of your tote higher on your shoulder and keep walking.Ā
āHey, you in the band shirt!āĀ
Your foot catches slightly on the uneven pavement, and you make an embarrassing gesture getting back on two feet. Blind panic and something warmer, something more traitorous, jolts through you like a beam of lightning.Ā
No.Ā
No, because that voiceā
Youāve barely rationalised anything before your head is whipping so fast over your shoulder you think youāve given yourself a cramp. Itās instinctive more than anything, a kind of desperate hope for something indescribable, heart leaping up to your throat at the thought that a voice behind a wall has suddenly become attached to a body.Ā
And what a body.Ā
Gojo jogs toward you, shirtless and damp and unfairly attractive under the sun, towel bouncing against his neck with each step. There is soap clinging to his hands, water sliding down the firm line of his chest, one hand running through his hair as he shakes it of loose droplets.Ā
He comes to a stop in front of you, grin already loaded. You donāt even flinch when he flicks water onto your face accidentally.Ā
āBand shirt! Running away already?ā he asks. āI didnāt even pitch you yet.āĀ
Gojo Satoru just spoke with 4Bās voice.
Your 4B. Except heās no longer a faceless voice in the dark. He is Gojo Satoru. He is shirtless in front of you. He is looking at you like heās waiting for an answer.Ā
āYou cryinā? he asks, head tilting slightly as he glances at the droplets on your cheek. āIs the sun getting to you? We have buckets of water back there if you want to dunk yourself. Or maybe you want to dunk me and live vicariously through that? I noticed you staring.ā
You force your mouth to move. āI donāt have a car.āĀ
Unfortunately, the voice that comes out is wrong. Itās too high like youāve swallowed your own throat and replaced it with someone doing customer service over the phone.Ā
Gojo blinks.Ā
You clear your throat. āI mean, I donāt have a car,ā you repeat, lower this time.Ā
Great, now you sound like youāre about to rob him.Ā
His smile twitches, one eyebrow raising slowly as he regards you.Ā
āRight,ā he says, slowly. āNo car. I think I got it the first time. What about a bike? We can wipe down the seat or something.ā
You shake your head.Ā
āScooter? Skateboard?āĀ
āNo.ā
āHow do you get around?āĀ
āFeet.ā
He looks down and you suddenly feel self-conscious of your shoe choice.Ā
āWe donāt typically offer pedicures but I could make an exception for you,ā Gojo says with a wide grin. āOr we could give your shoes a good scrub.ā
āI donāt have anything for you to wash.āĀ
āWhat? Donāt tell me youāre attached to that layer of grime you have on them.āĀ
Youāre so offended you temporarily blink of your stupor to splutter. āTheyāre not that dirty! Theyāre just well-loved!āĀ
āTheyāre clearly crying out for some divine intervention. Lucky for you, I might as well be the second coming of Jesus.āĀ
You scoff. āNo way. Maybe I like them ugly, okay?āĀ
Gojoās grin widens. āSo you admit theyāre ugly.ā
You hate that he catches it so quickly. You hate even more that your heart picks up like a trapped hummingbird beneath your skin.Ā
Behind him, someone whistles. āSatoru, stop flirting and actually help!āĀ
āIām not flirting,ā he calls back without looking away from you. āIām recruiting customers!ā
He lowers his voice so itās just for you. āYou are planning on being a customer, arenāt you?ā
You scoff. āIs this what the whole pitch is? Bullying peopleās shoes until they donate?ā
āNo, that was just tailored marketing.ā He leans slightly closer, lowering his voice like heās about to reveal a conspiracy. āThe real pitch is much more moving.ā
āOkay,ā you say, because apparently youāve lost the will to survive. āGo on then.ā
Gojo flashes you another smile, or maybe he hasnāt stopped smiling not even once throughout this entire encounter, and steps back, pressing one wet hand dramatically to his bare chest. He adopts a pitiful expression as he gazes at you. āEvery year, hundreds of cars on this campus are forced to suffer through bird shit, pollen, and the mysterious sticky stuff that appears under trees for reasons science refuses to explain.ā
You grimace.
He continues, undeterred. āFor just five dollars, you can help one of these poor vehicles experience dignity again.ā
āI donāt have five dollars.ā
āFor just three dollarsāā
āNo cash.ā
āFor one encouraging wordāā
āNot happening.ā
āāyou can support a hardworking student athlete in his fight against grime,ā he finishes calmly.Ā
āI think you just want to be shirtless,ā you say whatās been on your mind the entire time, letting yourself steal another glimpse of his chest. Is it just your imagination but did he just flex his pecs at you?
He looks down at himself like he has only just remembered the state he is in. āThis? Itās a uniform. Works wonders for pulling in interest.ā He gestures vaguely over his shoulder where another person has just dropped money into the donation jar without taking her eyes off his back. āSee? The system works.āĀ
āHow are you so blatantly shameless?ā
He shrugs. āShame only slows you down.āĀ
Gojo steps slightly to the side when someone passes behind him with a bucket, and the movement brings him just close enough for you to catch the clean, cozy smell of soap and sunscreen underneath the damp heat of him. The towel around his neck drips onto his chest and a bead of water slips from his collarbone, trailing lower.Ā
Your eyes follow it again. Good lord. When you force your gaze back up, heās watching you smugly.Ā
āSo,ā he says, voice dropping a little, āshould I put you down as morally opposed to charity, or just immune to my charm?āĀ
āThose are the only options?āĀ
āHey, Iām open to feedback. If you have a complaint, Iām all ears.āĀ
āAdd a financially unavailable option.āĀ
āOkay.ā He nods gravely. āMorally opposed, charm-resistant, and broke.āĀ
āI didnāt say broke.ā You cut yourself off when you realise youāve spent too long arguing with him when you had been so determined to walk away moments before. āForget it, Iām walking away.āĀ
Gojo laughs and steps directly into your path, head tilting as he studies you like heās trying to place a song from the first few seconds.
āYou have quite the mouth on you,ā he says, and something foreboding settles in your gut. āWhatās your name, band shirt?ā
Something about his voice tricks you into almost answering, perhaps because 4B has spent weeks training a response out of you. He says something stupid, you respond with something worse, and you fall into conversation that way. But while they sound the same you force yourself to remember this isnāt 4B through the wall.Ā
You have only one goal here: get out before he starts connecting āband shirtā to āfamiliar voiceā that becomes āgirl through the wallā because then youāll have to move apartments and potentially countries. So, you straighten your shoulders, lift your chin, and speak in the blandest tone you can manage.Ā
āNo,ā you say. āShort for none of your business.ā
āThatās a terrible name,ā Gojo says, nose scrunching up. āWhat did you do to your parents to deserve that? Itās going to look quite hurtful on the donation receipt.āĀ
āIām not donating,ā you say, already looking for the cleanest route around him. āSo thankfully, your admin concerns are none of my concern. Now, if youāll excuse me.āĀ
āYou wonāt donate, you wonāt volunteer, and you wonāt give me your name,ā he says, still watching you too closely. āBut youāll stand here and argue with me.ā
āThatās because you seem like the type who needs things explained slowly,ā you quip back. āAnd besides, youāre in my way.ā
His gaze flicks briefly to the open space beside him. You both look at it.
Then he looks back at you, smile unbearably smug. āAm I?ā
You hate him because he is right, and because the longer you stand here, the more his voice settles into place with his face, and the more impossible it becomes to separate Gojo Satoru from 4B. You can feel it happening in real time, the two versions of him overlapping until the faceless boy through the wall starts becoming this shirtless jerk with wet hair and water dripping down his chest.Ā
āYouāre very intense about names,ā you say, forcing your voice into that same bland, too-flat register. āMaybe work on that before the next person you corner.āĀ
āRelax,ā he says, voice dipping into something smoother. āIām just saying, if a girl insults me this much, I feel like I should at least know what to call her.āĀ
āBand shirt is working fine for you. And if itās not going on a donation receipt then I donāt see why you really need it.ā
āCan I guess?ā he asks instead, already leaning forward like the idea has thrilled him.Ā
āAbsolutely not.ā You take a step to the side, causing him to promptly mirror you. āDude, quit it.āĀ
āSorry, sorry,ā he says, immediately stepping back with both hands raised to showcase his harmlessness though itās ruined by his smile. āGot excited. Youāre so nonchalant and mysterious it just draws me in, you know? Come on, Iāll leave you alone if you just give me a name, your real name.ā
āNo.āĀ
āOkay, not a real one,ā he concedes far too quickly. āJust so I have something to call you in my head when youāre already running through it so much.āĀ
āIām not giving you a fake name either.āĀ
āThatās so much worse,ā he says, sounding wounded. āNow youāre not even trusting me with a lie? Iām shirtless for charity, band shirt, Iām vulnerable.ā
āVulnerably harassing a stranger for her name in the middle of campus?āĀ
āStranger feels harsh.ā His smile shifts a little, still playful yes, but the focus underneath it becomes visible. āYou donāt exactly feel like a stranger.āĀ
You need to get out here right now.Ā
You tighten your hold on your tote bag and start walking, not caring where your dirty shoes led you, not caring if it even led you back to that God forsaken carwash. Gojo doesnāt give up, trailing after you and eating up the distance you try to place with his long legs, body facing yours even as you speed walk.Ā
āDo I know you?āĀ
āNo,ā you say. āWe donāt know each other.ā
āBut it feels like we know each other.ā
āWe? Thereās no we. Maybe youāve seen me in passing but itās not something to obsess over. Okay, bye.āĀ
āPossible,ā he says, nodding solemnly. āI do have a wide reach. Iām trying to expand it, actually, which is why I need your name.ā
You pass the front of the carwash table once more and someone at the front turns, practically jumping on the spot upon seeing Gojo. He ignores them, still drilling holes into the side of your face.Ā
āFirst initial?ā
āN. For No.ā
āLast initial?āĀ
āO.ā
āDoes it have an A in it?āĀ
āDo you know when to quit?āĀ
āIs that a yes?ā
āNo.ā
āNo, it doesnāt or no, you wonāt tell me? Or secret third option, No as in No your name.ā He clicks his tongue like youāre the one being difficult. āSee, this is getting really confusing. You could solve this entire problem by telling me your real name.ā
You keep walking for a few more steps but itās getting harder to pretend you donāt have a golden retriever trailing after your every step, and word, especially when heās shirtless and a microcelebrity on campus.Ā
āLook,ā you say, stopping and turning to give him a piece of your mind. āI donāt know you, you donāt know me, so this has been deeply unnecessary. Letās just leave it at that okay?ā
His smile softens as he also stops, looking at you. āThen tell me your name and we can fix that.ā
For one stupid, horrifying second, you almost do. His voice dips around his words, warm and familiar, and your brain gives you 4B through the wall saying morning, 4A, soft with sleep, and suddenly your name feels like something dangerously close to being handed over.
His hand lifts, reaching for your wrist at your hesitation but hovers short of actually touching, eyes holding yours for permission.Ā
Then someone calls, āSatoru!ā
His face twists, mouth opening like he is ready to spit out another excuse, when a towel hits him square in the back of his head.
He jolts, hand leaving the space between you to grab at the towel before it falls. āWhat the fuck?āĀ
You both look over in the direction of the carwash.Ā
Sukuna stands by the donation table with another towel hanging from one hand, looking like he would rather be dragged behind one of the cars than be there voluntarily. He is also shirtless, because can you even see a guy with his shirt on in a fifty metre radius around you? Water drips from the ends of his pink hair, sliding down the hard line of his neck and over his chest, his skin still shining from whatever girl had convinced him to stand under the hose for a photo.Ā
āOi,ā Sukuna calls, lifting the towel like he might throw it again. āAre you done begging, or should we put a bowl out for you too?āĀ
Gojoās expression immediately collapses into offence. āIām not begging. I told you I was networking! Youāre really cramping my style.āĀ
āWhatever you want to call it.ā Sukuna jerks his chin toward the cars. āGet back here. Some girl paid ten dollars because you promised to write her name in soap on the windshield.āĀ
Gojo ruffles a hand through his hair and you catch a glimpse of his undercut before he groans, ducking his head. āShit! I forgot I said that. Canāt you take one for the team, Sukuna?ā
āShe asked for you.ā
The imaginary campus-wide fanbase turns out to be true, you think mournfully.Ā
A few people around the table laugh, and Gojo turns just enough to argue back, towel clutched in one hand, wet hair sticking messily to the back of his neck. You take the sight of his back muscles as a sign to leave. So before he can turn back around, you step away.Ā
Then another step. Then several more, fast enough that your tote bumps against your hip and your grimy shoes slap loudly against the wet pavement. Itās not running, because running would imply guilt, and you are innocent of everything except being cursed.Ā
āBand shirt,ā Gojo calls behind you and because itās not your name, you donāt turn around.Ā
You especially donāt turn around when Gojoās half-groan, half-laugh follows you across the courtyard, short yet familiar enough to make your stomach twist.Ā
4B is Gojo Satoru.
Gojo Satoru is 4B.
Someone needs to take down the Etsy website.
You never do wear that band shirt again.Ā
Not that it mattered much because you also donāt really go outside for a week, not if you could help it. You want to call it locking in because the midterms are coming up but in the brief moments when you allow yourself the truth, you admit itās because youāre preventing any chance of running into Gojo again.Ā
Itās difficult to do that when heās your neighbour. Or, well, when 4B is your neighbour.Ā
That distinction becomes very important to you. Gojo Satoru is someone you saw shirtless in the middle of campus using charity as an excuse to flex obscenely at the general public moving through their day. Gojo Satoru has wet hair, a stupid grin, and is highly dangerous because he has a face and a body and a set of eyes that pins you down,Ā
4B is a voice through the wall. 4B is his alarm going off too loudly in the morning, all groans and curses as he heaves himself from the warmth of his bed. 4B is ranting about the latest anime heās watched, whispering through plaster when it gets late, knocking twice against the wall when he wants your attention but isnāt sure if youāre in.
So you let yourself have it. You avoid Gojo, and you keep talking to 4B.
After a while, there arenāt many problems with having Gojo as your next door neighbour. Sure, he can get loud during phone calls with his friends but you quickly forgive him when he gives sheepish apologies and dials down his volume. And sure, his alarm is loud but after that initial morning when you grilled him on the cheerful tune, he had changed it to something more appropriate.
The way he laughs is loud, the way he sings as he cooks is loud, the way he says your unit number is loud, all bright like heās been waiting to catch you the moment you step into your apartment.
It seems Gojo canāt help but be loud. In every aspect.
You wonder if you should bring it up.
It really was unfortunate that your bedroom and his bathroom shared a wall. Whoever constructed this building many, many years ago must not have planned it out too well and simply settled for fitting rooms of different apartments together like tetris. And because of this, his bathroom ends up right next to your head when you sleep.Ā
You also gather that his shower is pressed against the said wall that you share with him, if his groans are any indication.Ā
You should probably bring it up.Ā
But how does one even bring up such a conversation? Hey neighbour! Not that Iāve been listening but I can hear you jerk off in the shower. Could you stop?Ā
In his defence, you relent, rolling over and pressing your pillow against your ears, he was trying to be subtle about it. You appreciate that he wasnāt doing it in his room since that would certainly turn you off from whatever youāre eating in your kitchen next to him. But if he believes the rush of water is enough to muffle his moans, heās sorely mistaken.Ā
You roll onto your other side, shuffling when even this position isnāt comfortable. Your thin sheets are tangled around your legs and youāre desperately trying to focus on the book youāre reading on your phone. But who are you kidding, your thumb has been frozen on the same paragraph for the past five minutes, mind a million miles away.Ā
Thereās a thud of something being placed down on the tiled floor, a slight rustle. And then, a low, breathy groanāso faint you could almost convince yourself you imagined it.Ā
But you definitely did not.Ā
You breath catches as you place your phone down and stare at the ceiling as if that will make the sounds stop. It never works. You tell yourself to just roll over again, put in your airpods and drown it out. Youāve done it before, you can do it again.Ā
But your hand is already drifting down, sliding over your stomach, fingers brushing the waistband of your shorts.Ā
The first stroke is unintentional, a simple slow press through cotton just to feel something. But then you hear him again, a sharper exhale, a whispered word you canāt quite make out, and your hips shift, pressing your palm harder against your cunt.Ā
Fuck.Ā
You close your eyes and instead of the dark of your room, you see steam. A shower, his shower, the one right on the other side of this wall.Ā
You donāt want to think about Gojo like this so you settle instead on your 4B. All you know is the sound of his footsteps in the hallway, the messy scrawl of his handwriting, the sound of his door opening and closing, the low rumble of his laugh when he teases you. Itās deep and a little rough around the edges. Youāve built a version of him from the sound alone, and right now, thatās more than enough.Ā
Fingers tracing the outline of your clit through the fabric, circles so light theyāre barely there, you let your mind wander.Ā
You imagine stepping into that shower. The air is thick and wet, fogging up the glass. Heās already under the spray, back to you, water streaming down his shoulders. You don;t want to see his face, but you can see the way his muscles shift as he turns his head ever so slightly, giving you the slightest glimpse of his side profile before the steam whisks it away.Ā
It would be foolish to hesitate. You slide your hands around his waist from behind, palms flat against his stomach, and he laughs, the vibrations meeting your chest.Ā
āFuck,ā he breathes, voice deeper, lower with him so close to you. āLook at you, giving me a helping hand, hm?ā
āShut up,ā youād probably mumble against his shoulder blade, fingers already trailing lower, through the thatch of hair at the base of his cock. āYouāre always so loud.ā
Heād be hard already, and you can feel the heat of him, the slight twitch as your fingertips brush the underside of his shaft.Ā
āNo, I donāt think thatās right,ā he says. āBecause youāve been listening, havenāt you? All those nights wrapped up all pretty in your blankets, thinking you can get away with using me to feel good, thinking youāre an angel for trying not to listen. But you know exactly what I sound like when Iām close, donāt you?ā
Your breath hitches as you wrap your hand around him, and he groans, deep and guttural, exactly the sound thatās coming through the wall right now. Your hand moves in time with the fantasy, slow strokes, thumb pressing into the slick tip, and he leans back into you, letting his head fall against your shoulder.Ā
āThatās it,ā he murmurs, his voice a low rumble against your ear. āSuch a good girl. You have no idea how long Iāve wanted you to touch me. Wanted to feel your hand on my cock for so fucking long, angel.āĀ
āSince when?āĀ
You stroke him faster, twisting your wrist the way you imagine he does, and his breathing turns ragged.Ā
āSince the moment you opened that pretty mouth and told me off. Fuckāfaster, angel. Just like that, donāt stop. Your hand feels so perfect.ā
Your own fingers press harder against your clit through your shorts, and you let out a tiny whimper you hope he canāt hear through the wall. Maybe he can, maybe he really does know exactly what youāve been doing. That thought makes you even wetter, a choked gasp escaping.Ā
In the fantasy, his body tenses. His hand comes up to cover yours, pressing your grip tighter around him.Ā
āIām gonna cum,ā he says, voice strained. āIām gonna paint the tiles with it, and youāre gonna watch. Youāre gonna listen to me fall apart because of you. And thenāfuckāthen Iām gonna fuck you.āĀ
His hips jerk forward, and you feel the hot pulse of his release against your hand, the way he shudders and moans your name (which he doesnāt know, but you give it to him anyway, a whispered invention). His cum slicks the inside of your fingers, and you keep stroking until he pushes your hand away with an overstimulated whimper that might be your own.Ā
He turns around.Ā
You still donāt see his face, just the broad outline of his chest you saw during the carwash incident, the water catching in the hollow of his collarbone. He pushes you back against the cool tile with one hand braced beside your head, the other sliding down your stomach, between your legs.
āMy turn,ā he purrs. āIām gonna fuck you right here, in my shower, where you can hear every sound I make. And youāre gonna take it, arenāt you? Gonna be an angel for me and let me use this pussy like Iāve been dreaming about.ā
You nod, mouth open, and he sinks two fingers into you without warning.
The gasp that escapes your lips is real. āGojoā!ā
āNuh uh, pretty,ā he coos in your ear. āCall me Satoru. Cāmon, say my name, angel.āĀ
You shake your head against your pillow, back arching. āThatāsāthat would be weird.āĀ
He slows down, taking his time with you, dragging his fingers against your gummy walls before sliding over that spot that makes you see stars, chuckling when you gasp. āIām making you feel this good and youāre still talking back? Gonna need to fuck that attitude out of you.āĀ
You bite your lip hard. āSatoruā¦ā
He stills, before he presses down hard. āHm? What was that?ā
āSatoru!ā
His voice is a rough, airy thing in your ear. āThatās it, pretty, youāre doing so good for me.ā
Your own fingers mimic the motion, pushing inside yourself while your thumb circles your clit. You can hear him through the wallāa wet, rhythmic sound, faster now, and a string of words you catch in fragments. āYeah⦠thatās it⦠take itā¦ā
You imagine his cock,thick, already half-hard again from the feel of you, sliding between your thighs. He lifts your leg, hooks it over his arm, and presses the head against your entrance.
āLook at me,ā he says, and you try, but his face is a blur of heat and water, just shadows and the gleam of wet skin. āLook at me while I fuck you. I want you to remember this.ā
He pushes in slow, and you feel the stretch in your fantasy and in your own body as your fingers sink deeper. You bite your lip to keep from moaning out loud.
āShit, youāre so tight,ā he groans, his forehead pressing against yours. āYou feel that? Thatās my cock filling you up. Thatās what you get for listening in, for touching yourself to the sound of me cumming.ā
He sets a hard rhythm, the slapping of wet skin echoing off the shower walls. Your fantasy-self clings to him, nails digging into his back, and he keeps talking, his voice ragged and dirty, exactly what you need.
āThatās it, it feels so fucking good, huh? Bet you love this, love that you didnāt know what I looked like but you know the sound of my balls slapping against your ass. Youāre such a fucking slut for it. Is it hotter now that you know who I am? Open your mouth and tell me, Y/N.ā
You whimper, hand curling into the sheets. āIāI canāt. Youāll hear.ā
āI know, I know, youāre trying so hard to be quiet for me,ā he mumbles, so soft and understanding even as he drives into you. āBut Iām going to need to hear you, okay? Need to hear how much you want this.āĀ
Your fingers move faster, matching the pace in your head. Your breathing is ragged now, little moans falling from your lips that you canāt hold back. You donāt care if he hears, and maybe if youāre slightly truthful, you hope he does. āOh god, Satoru, it feels so good!ā
In the fantasy, heās close again. You can feel it in the way his thrusts lose rhythm, in the way his grip tightens on your hip.
āIām gonna cum inside you,ā he growls, and itās a question and a statement all at once. āYou want that? Want to feel my cum dripping down your thigh?ā
āYes,ā you whisper out loud, into your empty room.
He buries himself deep, and the fantasy explodes in a rush of heat and words: āFuckfuckfuckātake itātake my cum, you dirty little thingāgonna fill you up so fullāā
You climax with a gasp, your back arching off the mattress, your fingers pressing hard against your clit as waves of pleasure roll through you. You hear yourself moan, a high, broken sound, and you donāt care.
The sounds from his side of the wall change.
Thereās a final, shuddering groan and the squeak of a hand against tile. And then silence, broken only by the rush of water from a showerhead.
You lie there, panting, hand still between your legs, your skin flushed and damp. You can almost smell the steam, almost feel the ghost of his fantasy-body pressed against yours.
The shower turns off and you climb out of bed, running away to the living room.Ā
Youāre not a freak. You canāt be.Ā
Youāre a kind, virtuous person who knows no sin, who is gracious and angelic and trustworthy and not someone who listens in on her neighbour jerking it in his shower. Thatās simply not who you are and not something youād ever do.Ā
Despite this obvious fact, your brain tells you otherwise. And when you are at war with yourself, what else is there to do but consult your friends?
You find Shoko outside the campus cafe, sitting at one of the metal tables with an iced coffee and her laptop open, clacking away with a frown. The chair opposite her is empty though not welcomingly. Itās buried under her tote bag, a packet of cigarettes jutting out that would have her girlfriend at her throat if she saw.Ā
You walk over, tuck the box further into her bag and under her jumper, before putting her bag on the ground. āYouāre smoking again?āĀ
āHi,ā Shoko says, looking up briefly before slumping down over her laptop. āJust to get the edge off. Midterms are coming around and Iām already feeling the effects.ā
You nod, stealing her drink and taking a long sip. She looks at you again, squinting.Ā
āYou donāt look as bad as I thought you would.āĀ
āWhat does that mean?āĀ
āIsnāt that film of yours due next Friday? Whereās the panic and stress? Also, thatās my coffee you whore.āĀ
You take one last long sip and slide it back over. āI have bigger fish to fry. But shit, Shoko, you look completely under it already. We can call off girlsā talk for another day, I promise itās not that serious.ā
āNot that serious?ā Shoko scoffs, hitting enter before closing her laptop. āYou triple-texted last night at 3 a.m. not making any sense at all. What happened? Did Naoya text you again? You didnāt unblock him, did you?āĀ
āWhat? No! Itāsā¦ā you groan, covering your face. āItās worse. Itās so much worse. I think Iām at the edge of the abyss staring down. Like whatever I do here on out will either make or break me.ā
āOkay,ā she replies slowly, clearly not expecting your response. āAnd who is this about exactly?āĀ
You wonder if you can tell her the truth. Hey Shoko, you might decide to start with, Iāve been crushing on the voice of my neighbour for the last month who I just found out is Satoru, you know your friend? Also, Iāve been listening to him jerk it for a while now and I have an inkling that he knows.
Instead of any of this, you whisper, āSatoru.āĀ
She flinches as if youāve slapped her. āWhat?ā
Your finger comes up to point before you stop yourself, realising it was impolite to point, but your gaze is far too telling. She hesitates, taking in your horrified expression before looking over her shoulder to find Gojo stepping into sight, head turning about as if searching for something.Ā
You almost delude yourself into thinking that when his gaze stops at your table, his eyes light up because heās looking at you. You almost delude yourself into thinking that heās making his way to your table. You almost delude yourself into thinking the smile he wears is for you.Ā
Only one of these things is true because the moment you see him, youāve pulled your hoodie up until itās almost flopping back over your eyes, leaning back and tucking your chin in.
Gojo saunters up to your table and stops just beside Shoko. Your friend groans, dropping her head into her hands.Ā
āHeās right behind me, isnāt he?āĀ
Not wanting to speak, you only shrug uselessly. Gojo doesnāt even spare you a glance, whining as he tugs on her sleeve to grab her attention.Ā
āCome on, Shoko, Iāve been trying to text you for hours now. Ignoring me isnāt going to make me disappear, you know.āĀ
āI know now,ā she mumbles before yanking her arm away from his touch. āOkay, out with it, Gojo. I refuse to be seen in public with you so letās get this over with.āĀ
āI need your help with something.ā When Shoko only stares, unimpressed and not surprised, he presses on. āItāll be quick, I swear! And it isnāt about the pre lab questions this time, I promise. Iām cashing in that one favour you owe me from last year.āĀ
āWhat favour?ā
āMe hosting a party that got you and Utahime together.ā
Shoko shoots him a withering look. āThat wasnāt a favour, we just happened to meet at your party. You didnāt even know her back then.ā
Gojo grins, and for a moment, you get lost in it. It would be so easy to tell him now and have that smile directed at you with recognition instead of casual politeness. You donāt think heās doing it on purpose, but you feel yourself getting smaller as he keeps talking to Shoko and only Shoko, sitting there silently as if being quiet and sipping at Shokoās coffee might excuse your lack of presence.Ā
Shoko rolls her eyes, turning to look at you. āSorry, Y/N. Weāll talk after Iām done dealing with this kid.ā
You wave her off stiffly and she narrows her eyes at you, sensing something off when you donāt say anything. Gojo seems to notice you then, looking over at you briefly. He tilts his head at you before Shokoās voice pulls him back.Ā
āSo? What do you want?ā
āI need help finding someone.āĀ
You choke on your drink, hastily wiping at your chin when they both turn to look at you, a range of concern across both their faces. You wave them off dismissively, making small sounds to clear your throat as they continue.Ā
āFor revenge orā¦?ā
He hums, seriously considering her quip. āMaybe the opposite?āĀ
She narrows her eyes at that. āI donāt know everyone on campus. How are you so confident you can come to me for this?āĀ
āBecause youāre doing the same degree as her and youāre a girl and so is the person Iām trying to find.ā
There's still liquid in your throat and itās getting harder for Gojo to pretend like his friendās friend isnāt slowly dying from across the table. He lifts his eyes to study you, taking in the way youāre clearing your throat, struggling to keep quiet, and he sighs.Ā
āHey, breathe through your nose.āĀ
You finally look up at him, the hood obscuring most of your vision though you still try to shoot him a look as if to say, oh no, really? and he smirks at that.
āI'm serious, just breathe for a second. Through your nose, come on. Itāll get rid of that coughing fit.āĀ
You close your mouth with effort and take a deep, shaky breath in. It goes in smoothly though the urge to cough still persists and you have to concentrate to not relapse.Ā
Gojo pushes your iced coffee closer to you, wiping his wet hand on Shokoās sleeve after despite her protest. You take it gratefully, taking in a few sips before clearing your throat.Ā
Realising you couldnāt get out of this without speaking at least once, you lower your voice as much as you can and mumble, āThanks.ā
Gojo hums, accepting it easily, but his eyes linger on you for half a second too long before he turns back to Shoko. āShe's someone in your course doing cardiovascular physiology. She has a lab on Tuesday and morning tutorials on Friday."Ā
You donāt miss the way Shoko has been staring bullets into you though her eyes flicker over to Gojo every once in a while. āA lab on Tuesday, you say.ā And thereās something in her tone that has you looking up frantically.Ā
Gojo doesnāt seem to notice, nodding instead. āShe usually comes back late, at around 5:20? Which means her classes end around 5 p.m.ā
ā5 p.m,ā she repeats, her eyes never straying.Ā
You try to shake your head as subtly as possible.Ā
āShe has the prettiest voice youāve ever heard and the softest laugh when she finds something amusing. But then when she finds something funny, like really funny, her laugh is super loud and bright and itās honestly cool the way she doesnāt seem to care.ā
You kick Shokoās foot under the table and she barely winces, realisation or something similar dawning on her.Ā
āI donāt need to know any of that, that wonāt help.ā Her lips quirk upwards slightly. āAnd why are we looking for this girl, Gojo?āĀ
He pouts at her words. āIām looking for my neighbour.ā
Shoko makes a gesture as if to ask if heās serious. āJust go knock on her door? You literally know where she lives. Thatās probably more than I could ever tell you.āĀ
āYou donāt get it,ā he says, tutting, wagging his fingers even. āWe have this thing going on and I donāt want to ruin her trust by camping outside her door, for example. So instead, Iāll just conveniently come across her on campus because somehow our timetables seem to line up.ā
Ā Shoko stares at him blankly. āSo stalking.ā
āDonāt be so crude, Shoko. Itās not stalking if Iām being emotionally considerate about it.ā He leans forward slightly, hands on the table, and for a moment his voice loses some of its usual shine. āI donāt want to scare her off, okay? I know where she lives, but that feels like cheating. If you know her, ask her first. Ask if sheās okay with me knowing, or if she wants me to stay clueless and suffer with dignity.āĀ
Shokoās expression barely changes. āYou donāt do anything with dignity.āĀ
āI could start for her,ā he says, then seems to realise what heās admitted because he looks away with a small, helpless laugh. āLook, I know it sounds stupid, but I like talking to her. I like not knowing too much. I like that she can hang up on me by walking away from the wall whenever she wants. If I just knock on her door, then Iāve taken that choice from her.āĀ
For once, Shoko doesnāt interrupt.Ā
Gojo rubs at the back of his neck, grin returning but weaker this time, more embarrassed than smug. āBut also, Iām going a little crazy. Call me pathetic, but sometimes she says something and I forget what my own point was. Sheās mean in this really specific way, and funny, and then every now and then sheāll be nice like she didnāt mean to, and it fully ruins me. So yeah, I want to know who she is. I just donāt want to find out in a way that makes her regret talking to me.āĀ
You kick her foot again.Ā
āAnd what happens if you do find her?ā she asks, rubbing the toe of her shoe against the floor like you have injured her beyond repair. āYouāre going to walk up and say, hi, Iāve been listening to you through the wall for weeks and I reverse-engineered your timetable?ā
Gojo makes a face. āNo, obviously not. I have charm. Iāll make her fall for me first.ā
You stand with a start, slamming your hands on the table, knocking your empty cup over. You hastily pick it up, shooting Shoko as many SOS signals as itāll take for her to follow your lead. She lets out a slight laugh, especially after seeing Gojoās bewildered face, and stands, albeit slowly.Ā
āI think I have an idea of who youāre looking for.ā
āYou do?ā Gojo says, eyes wide and smile hopeful.Ā
āI have a feeling.ā Her eyes leave yours after a pause, moving to shove her laptop into her bag. āBut Iām going to need to confirm it before I tell you. Wouldnāt want to drag an innocent into your life.āĀ
He nods quickly and you mournfully think that he looks like a puppy. You didnāt need that imagery, especially not right now. You tune out the rest of their conversation though it mainly consisted of Gojo demanding more details and Shoko shooting him down firmly. When you have your tote over your shoulder, Shoko tilts her head towards the door.Ā
You all but run out. Vaguely, you hear Gojo ask, āWhatās up with her?ā
āBoy problems,ā Shoko says before she catches up to you and the two of you walk out.Ā
āWhere are we going?āĀ
You look over your shoulder, heart only settling when you donāt catch any glimpse of white hair. āAway.ā
āOh, so now you feel like talking.ā
āPlease, Shoko. Please.ā
She laughs, loose and unrestrained. āWant to tell me what that was all about? Gojo looking for some Cinderella and you looking like youāre about to choke to death?ā
You spin around, hands coming up to hold her still by the shoulders. āWhatever youāre thinking, itās exactly that. Shoko, stop looking at me like that, Iām going to freak out.āĀ
āOkay, okay.ā Her hands come up to wrap loosely around your wrists, not pushing you off, just holding you there. āTake a breath. He doesnāt know.āĀ
āHe almost knows.ā
āIām pretty sure he only suspects something,ā she corrects. āThose are two very different things. And if you really donāt want him to know then Iāll tell him that. He might seem a little clueless in areas such as personal space, but heās not a complete jerk. Heāll respect that.ā
You let go of her shoulders slowly, though your hands stay half-raised between you like you might need to grab her again if she starts looking too entertained. āHe was describing me.ā
āHe was describing his neighbour,ā Shoko says, softer now. āYou are only panicking because you know thatās you.ā
āThat does not make me feel better.ā
āIt should a little.ā She tilts her head, cigarette-less and serious in a way you rarely get from her before noon. āLook, if he wanted to corner you, he couldāve knocked on your door. He literally knows where you live. But he didnāt. He came to me because, in his own stupid Gojo way, heās trying not to scare you.ā
āThatās the complete issue,ā you sigh, folding your arms tighter across your chest. āThe issue is that heās Gojo, the exact kind of guy I said I was done with. I know what these kinds of guys are like, hell, I dated the textbook example of one.ā
Shokoās expression softens and in the silence, something bubbles up.Ā
ā4B wasnāt that,ā you say, voice smaller than you mean for it to be. ā4B was just mine.āĀ
The second it leaves your mouth, your face warms. Mercifully, Shoko doesnāt pounce on it and instead nods slowly, looking away from you.Ā
āI get that,ā she says and when you glance at her, she repeats herself. āI do, youāre not crazy. But Gojo being in a frat doesnāt automatically make him Naoya variant 2.0.ā
āI know that,ā you grumble.Ā
āDo you?ā Shoko bumps her shoulder against yours. āYou donāt have to trust him just because heās 4B. You also donāt have to punish him just because he looks like the kind of guy who would have ruined your life last semester.āĀ
āSo what am I supposed to do?ā you ask.Ā
āFor now? Nothing. You donāt have to suddenly jump out and introduce yourself, but you also donāt have to shut up and ghost him forever. See for yourself what kind of guy Gojo really is now that you know both sides to him.ā
Sometimes, Shokoās rationality surprises you and you find yourself nodding along to her words, a small, dawning hope struggling out of its shell inside your heart. Just as youāre about to thank her profusely for her wise words, she opens her mouth and says, āYou should come to Utahimeās this weekend.āĀ
āUh.ā You blink. āWhat?ā
āItās a small party, like actually small,ā she says before you can look horrified. āNot a frat thing. Itāll just be a few of Utahimeās close friends, some drinks and food, you know. I havenāt seen you come out of your apartment for an entire week, Y/N, itās setting off alarm bells. Youāre hot. Funny. Maybe youāll meet someone there that doesnāt remind you of Gojo or Naoya.āĀ
āOh my God,ā you say slowly, disgusted. āWhy are those two people my only options right now? Youāre right, I need to go out.āĀ
āIām sure you didnāt mean it,ā Shoko says with sympathy before groaning. āCan I say āI told you soā yet or are you still spiralling? Because I told you so, I told you to stay away from Gojo but lookie here, whoās scouring the campus for even a whiff of you?āĀ
You glare at her. āNot helping, Shoko.āĀ
Shoko bumps her shoulder against yours. āYou can tell him when youāre ready. Or let him figure it out slowly if you want to be annoying about it.ā
You shove her shoulder back in return, and she laughs, and for a few steps, it almost feels like a normal afternoon. Like you are just two girls walking across campus, talking about weekend plans, not one girl trying to outrun the consequences of accidentally falling for her neighbour through a wall.Ā
Then Shoko tilts her head toward the bus stop. āSo. Do you want to go back to your apartment or not?āĀ
You think of the wall, of 4BāsāGojoāsāvoice slipping through it, probably asking why you were so quiet this morning, probably making some stupid comment about your sleep schedule, probably having no idea that your whole life has just rearranged itself around his face.Ā
You sigh.Ā
āUnfortuntely,ā you say. āI live there.ā
Gojo wonders if he has an addictive personality.Ā
Or maybe itās just you.Ā
But when itās just him alone in his mind, hands running through his hair to try and catch every last runaway thought about you, he allows himself the truth. Itās probably just you.Ā
And the kicker is that he was only 90% certain you even existed. Suguru was the one who planted the idea in his head, that the physics had finally fucked him over and he was hallucinating the voice of a sweet, snarky girl, If he hadnāt collected your sticky notes over the last few months, that statistic might have even fallen to a good 38% and even then he wouldnāt be too sure if it was the twisted humour of his friends or if he genuinely had his own Wattpad neighbours-to-lovers arc.Ā
He sighs and leans back into his chair, feeling it give way under the motion with a creak. He wonders, as he so often does these days, if you heard it. His body stills and he waits for an indication that you might be home, a soft chuckle, an exasperated sigh, or his favourite, that soft way you say his name (read: unit number).Ā
When it doesnāt come, he slumps.Ā
Fuck, he was so far gone.Ā
Itās not like this is new to him, the wanting. Gojo wants things all the time. He wants the last pudding cup from the convenience store, wants Suguru to stop pretending heās above gossip when heās the nosiest person alive, wants Shoko to stop stealing his lighters despite the fact that he doesnāt smoke because he needs them to light up his birthday candles. He wants good grades with minimal effort and attention when he enters a room and for his hair to sit right without having to do anything about it.Ā
He also wants you.Ā
Gojoās phone buzzes against his desk and he only looks at it because heās desperate from his own thoughts. Though he immediately regrets this when Utahimeās name lights up on his screen.Ā
utahime: party this weekend
show up or dontĀ
idc
He snorts.Ā
gojo: woww dont get too excited inviting me im basically suffocating in ur enthusiasmĀ
its chill though if u dont want me there
i wont go ive got plans anywayĀ
Another notification drops down after he hits send.Ā
shoko: do NOT come to utahimeās this weekendĀ
that was a mistakeĀ
DO NOT COMEĀ
Gojo freezes, eyes blinking at the message. He taps it, opening up his chat history with her that consists of many, many time stamps and read receipts, and very slowly, something that critical thinking sparks behind his blue eyes.Ā
Do not come, said so blunt and immediate and so suspiciously timed right after Utahimeās invitation as if Shoko had decided his presence would cause a problem.Ā
A problem for who?Ā
Gojoās mouth parts. Then, slowly, his grin spreads. His thumb quickly swipes out to re enter the chat with Utahime and glides across the keyboard.Ā
gojo: actually ykwĀ
wouldnāt miss it for the world <3
utahime: wait im uninviting uĀ
gojo?Ā
i said u cant come
dont leave me on read you dickĀ
Gojo laughs, turning off his phone.Ā
He turns his head toward the wall, still grinning like an idiot, thriving off the single crumb heās been graciously fed after days of searching for you.Ā
āYou going to Utahimeās this weekend, 4A?ā he asks softly, knowing you are not there to answer.
The wall says nothing but Gojoās grin doesnāt fade.
āThatās okay,ā he murmurs, phone warm in his hand. āIāll find out.ā
There are two possible explanations for your current situation. Either Shoko is a liar (completely and utterly plausible) or her girlfriend has around 50 close friends. You donāt put it past Utahime either but at least Utahime did you a favour and made sure not to invite anyone from TDP so you settle for shooting Shoko a withering glare.
Music thrums through the floorboards, bass rattling the soles of your shoes as you tap your feet subconsciously against the beat. Itās loud, too loud for talking unless you enjoy shouting directly into someoneās ear, though no one seems to mind. Certainly not Shoko as she leans close to Utahime, mouth brushing against her ear, eyes half lidded as she practically has her on her lap.
You roll your eyes, feeling slightly sour.
Shoko notices your bitter look and acknowledges it with a slight chuckle, taking your cup of orange juice and switching it with hers. āLoosen up!ā She yells over the music.
Without many other options, you take the drink and cup your hand around your ear as if you canāt hear her, just to piss her off.
Utahime snickers when your friend swats you away, her hand comfortably wrapped around Shokoās. The sight of a happy couple sickens you and when Shoko yells for you to āgo find someone to make out with!ā you do decide to stand up and leave, though not because of her words, obviously.Ā
Youāre just getting air, maybe a refill. And maybe putting at least one wall between yourself and Shokoās terrible, smug, in-love face.Ā
The rest of the apartment is no better. Utahimeās place is bigger than yours, of course, because some people get exposed brick and large windows while others get mysterious ceiling stains and a neighbour loud enough to seep into your own personal life.Ā
Bodies crowd every available inch of space. Someone is sitting on the arm of the couch with a drink in one hand and someone else sprawled across their lap, fingers pushed into their hair. A group by the kitchen is screaming the lyrics to the song currently playing and thereās two girls taking photos in the hallway mirror, swaying together, cheek to cheek.Ā
Youāre halfway through to the kitchen when you see him. For a second, your brain doesnāt even attach a name to the sight. It only registers white hair, too tall, black shirt, one hand loose around a red cup as he leans against the wall near the hallway.Ā
Then your stomach drops.Ā
Gojo.Ā
The thought arrives with immediate, unreasonable betrayal.Ā
What the fuck? Didnāt Utahime promise you she wouldnāt invite any frat guys?Ā
Not that you care. You absolutely do not. Gojo Satoru could attend every party in the city and you would remain unaffected, obviously. It is just the principle of the thing. You had been promised a Gojo-free environment, and there he is, laughing at something one of the girls around him says, head tilted down so he can hear her better over the music.
There are three that you see, maybe four. Itās hard to count when they keep shifting, hair shining under the cheap coloured lights, shoulders angled toward him like flowers reaching for the sun.Ā
It would be easier to be angry, to roll your eyes and hate him in the clean, uncomplicated way you usually do. Instead, something dull and familiar settles under your ribs.Ā
You turn away before he can look your way.Ā
The drink in your hand is half-empty and you make it fully empty in one long swallow, grimacing only after it burns the way down and cursing Shokoās name in your head. Someone near the kitchen cheers for no reason and you suddenly decide that if the universe wants to be annoying, if that stupid Etsy witch wants to fuck with you that bad, you might as well ruin yourself first.Ā
By the time Shoko finds you again, you have acquired another drink. And then another, and then even more. She squints at you with the vague concern of someone who knows your limits better than you do but youāre already being dragged toward the cleared space in the living room by one of Utahimeās pretty friends, and the music there is cathartic.Ā
So you stop thinking. For the first time all night, you let yourself move without checking who is watching. Your drink is gone, your cheeks are warm, and the room is soft and bright, all coloured light and laughing mouths and hands in the air. There is no assignment, no terrible apartment, no faceless neighbour slipping into your life through the poor insulation, no Gojo leaning against a wall with half the party orbiting him. The houseparty is bumping, the ladies look good, the alcohol is flowing. There is much pain in the world, but not in this room.Ā
Then an arm slides around your waist. Itās muscled, warm, steady in the way it wraps around you, the scent of something masculine and fresh entering your peripherals.Ā
For one stupid, glittering second, you let yourself hope. Itās only the alcohol, probably. The music, even, the heat of the room or the betrayal of coloured lights making everyone look better than they are.Ā
But the arm is firm around you, and the body behind you is tall, and when he leans in, his breath skims close to your ear.Ā
Maybe.Ā
The thought is so sweet it makes you dizzy and you almost lean into the hope.Ā
āHaving fun?āĀ
Your stomach drops so fast the whole room seems to go with it. You turn, and Naoyaās ugly face is looking down at you. What the fuck is he doing here? Oh, you are so having a word with Utahime about this.Ā
And okay, Naoya isnāt actually ugly, not in a way that has anything to do with his features. Whatās really ugly is his expression, the entitlement in his smile and the slow drag of his eyes over you like heās appraising something he believes is his.Ā
His mouth curls and all at once, the music goes thin and static-y.Ā
You shove him away and stumble a few steps at your own strength. āDonāt touch me.āĀ
Naoya lets his hand fall, but not before making a show of it, palms lifting like you are the unreasonable one. āRelax. I was just saying hi.āĀ
āOkay, well youāve said your hi. Now leave.āĀ
He laughs, eyes dropping to your mouth, then back up again. āYouāre still so dramatic. I forgot how much effort it takes to talk to you when youāre like this.āĀ
You step back, but the floor tilts slightly beneath you. Fuck, too much alcohol, too much heat. Thereās too many bodies pressing around the living room, none of them paying enough attention as you try to place distance between you and your ex. Your shoulder knocks against someone behind you and you mumble a sorry without taking your eyes off Naoya.Ā
He notices the stumble and his grin sharpens. āYouāre drunk. Havenāt learnt how to control yourself in this kind of places yet, have you? Itās cute.āĀ
He leans closer, voice lowering as if the two of you are sharing something intimate. āDid you dress up for someone tonight?āĀ
Your face twists. āAs if itās any of your fucking business anymore, Zenin.āĀ
āNo, Iām serious.ā HIs eyes flick over you again, slower this time, and your skin crawls. āDonāt tell me youāre still pissed about being blacklisted. Sometimes things happen to teach you a lesson, you know? Looks like youāve learnt to finally put more effort into what youāre wearing again. You should be thanking me.ā
āI am not doing this with you.ā You try to sound confident but you both hear the pathetic slur to your words.Ā
āYouāre not doing much of anything,ā he says. āYouāre just dancing around hoping some desperate fucker takes pity on you and notices.āĀ
āFuck off, Naoya.ā
His expression hardens, that little thread of irritation pulling tight because you did not blush, did not smile, did not give him even a crumb of the reaction he came looking for. āYou know, this is exactly why people get so tired of you. You make everything so fucking difficult. Iām trying to be nice, and youāre acting like I cornered you in a damn alleyway.āĀ
āYou put your hands on me!āĀ
āAn arm, Y/N. I put my arm around you,ā he corrects, like youāre the one being embarrassing. āDonāt make it sound so ugly.āĀ
āWell, it felt ugly.āĀ
For a moment, you think he might finally drop the act. But then his mouth curves again, albeit thinner and meaner at the edges.Ā
āCome on,ā he says, taking a step closer and the crowd seems to bunch in to prevent you from leaving. āDonāt be like that. We know each other, donāt we? You donāt have to do the whole untouchable thing with me.āĀ
The alcohol is making everything lag a second behind. The music, the lights, the heat under your skin now sickening, the disgust rising sharp and sour in your throat. You know what heās doing, you know it so clearly it almost sobers you. That glint in his eyes as he shamelessly trails his gaze down your face and between your tits, the way his hand is already lifting to grope you, how his voice has softened to be more convincing.Ā
You take another step back.Ā
āI said leave.āĀ
Naoya laughs. āYouāre seriously going to act like you werenāt leaning back into me a second ago?ā
āI thought you were someone else.ā The words are out before you can catch them and shove them back down.Ā
His expression drops in a way thatās almost satisfying, if not for the fact that it twists into something worryingly familiar seconds later. You hate that your stomach sinks. You hate that, even now, some stupid trained part of you expects the punishment that comes after disappointing him.Ā
Naoya leans in again, close enough that you can smell the alcohol on his breath under whatever expensive cologne he sprayed on himself. āSo what was the plan? Get drunk enough that you could pretend it was an accident when you went home with someone?āĀ
Your fingers curl into a fist by your sides. āYou donāt get to talk to me like that.ā
āLike what?ā he asks, eyes wide with fake innocence. āIām just saying, youāre the one dancing around like you want attention looking like that. You canāt get mad when someone gives it to you.ā
āMove,ā you hiss.Ā
He doesnāt. Instead, he says, āYou always do shit like this. You act so above everything itās a surprise you havenāt been humbled yet. Is that going to have to be my job now too?āĀ
āYou donāt know anything about me anymore.āĀ
āDonāt get such a big head,ā he sneers. āYouāre still so easy to read. Still so fucking pathetic. Still need to feel someoneās attention on you, need to feel wanted, just so damn needy all the time.ā
Your hand comes up so fast that you know the weight in which itāll strike across Naoyaās face will give you the nicest, most satisfying crack.Ā
But before you can bring it down against his stupid fucking face, someone grabs your wrist and gently redirects it.Ā It takes you a moment to register what just happened. Someone had cut cleanly into the space Naoya had taken from you, still holding your wrist behind his back, and you blink at the grey shirt until you look up and see white hair.Ā
āIs there a problem?ā Gojoās voice is light enough that, for a strange second, it almost sounds like heās walked into the wrong conversation.Ā
Something imperceptible flashes across Naoyaās face, something easily missed if you didnāt know his every tell.Ā
āNot your business, Gojo.āĀ
āOh,ā Gojo says, ādonāt be like that. It looked fun over here. What were you guys talking about?āĀ
You donāt care for this passive aggressive approach of his. You yank at your arm. āI was about to slap him.ā
Gojo glances back at you.Ā
Youāre too drunk and too angry and too humiliated to care that his face is suddenly closer than expected, all pale hair and blue eyes and a mouth pressed into a thin line. You tug again, uselessly.Ā
āIām serious,ā you insist. āLet me slap him.āĀ
Naoya scoffs and takes a step back like he has other things on his agenda than to be publicly embarrassed. āThis is insane. Youāre both insane. Whatever, Iām done here anyway, what a fucking turn off.ā
He turns to walk away, one hand running through his piss-coloured hair.Ā
Gojoās other hand snaps out so fast you barely catch the motion. One second, Naoya is tilted to walk forward and the next, Gojo has his wrist caught in one hand, fingers locked around him with an ease that makes Naoyaās whole body jerk to a stop.Ā
Naoya suddenly hisses. Thereās a thin red line where one of Gojoās rings has bitten too hard into the skin. Despite this, Gojo does not give him the time of day. Instead, he looks at you.Ā
āHm,ā he says, tone casual, as if you have asked him whether he wants another drink. āI hear you, band shirt, but thereās an issue. If you slap him, you might get into trouble.āĀ
āI donāt care.āĀ
āHeās the president ofāā
You squeeze his arm holding yours. āI donāt care. Heās never been slapped before in his life and itās obvious. He needs to be slapped, Satoru, he deserves this.āĀ
Gojo pauses. Then, very seriously, he starts to nod slowly,Ā āI suppose that does make a lot of sense.ā
Naoya jerks against his grip. āAre you fucking kidding me?ā
Gojoās hand only tightens, short nails digging into the skin, though he still doesnāt look away from you, not even when you whip your gaze over to your ex, wishing that looks could indeed kill.Ā
How did you ever date a guy like him? You stare at Naoya, at his ugly, furious, blotchy-red face, at the way he keeps looking around like there should be someone here to save him from the consequences of his own mouth. He keeps tugging and pulling but Gojo effortlessly keeps him there.Ā
āBut it looks like you just got your nails done,ā Gojo ponders. āAnd you could hurt yourself.āĀ
āIt has to be me, Satoru.ā
Gojoās eyes soften at that and he finally smiles, voice going lower. āI know.āĀ
Then he shifts, letting go of your wrist. For a second, you think heās going to tell you not to do it after all, that he is going to be sensible in ways that severely go against his reputation. Instead, he lifts his free hand between you, palm up.Ā
āOkay,ā he says. āThen donāt hurt yourself doing it.āĀ
You blink. āWhat?āĀ
āIf youāre going to do it, then do it properly,ā he says, still speaking to you like Naoya is not standing there trying to pull free. āNo weird wrist thing, And donāt throw your whole body into it just to put more force behind it. Itāll just make you fall over because youāre a little drunk and unsteady. Youāve gotta plant your feet.āĀ
Naoya laughs, no humour behind it. āGojo, are you serious?āĀ
Gojo ignores him. āAlso,ā he adds, glancing at his own hand, ānow that I think about it, rings might help.ā
He holds your gaze for a little longer before offering you a kind smile and lowering his hand to you, fingers pointing towards you.Ā
āAre you sure?ā you ask, gaze flickering up to his face then to his rings. āThey might get bloody.ā
āItās okay, just take your pick. I can always clean them. This chance might not come again for you,ā he tells you in a similarly soft tone.Ā
You reach out and take the one from his pinky finger because any other ring might be a size too big, and slide it onto your middle finger.Ā
Naoyaās face pales.Ā
āDonāt be fucking stupid,ā he snaps, trying again to wrench his wrist free. āYouāre going to let her hit me?āĀ
Gojo finally looks at him. The smile he gives Naoya is bright enough to be mistaken for friendly. āHey, man, itās none of my business.āĀ
The ring is still a little too loose, the metal heavy and cold against your skin, and your hand trembles once before you curl it into a fist and open it again.Ā
Gojo notices and his attention is back on you. His voice drops just enough for only you to catch it again. āYou sure?āĀ
You look at him, then past him, at Naoyaās pale, furious face. āYes.āĀ
Gojo studies you for half a second longer, something soft passing through his expression before it disappears beneath a bright, almost cheerful smile.Ā
āOkay!ā he says. āThen first, plant those feet and let your shoulders relax a little. If you hit him like that, itāll go through your wrist, and then youāll be mad tomorrow because he got your hand and your mood.āĀ
You nod and adjust.Ā
Naoya jerks in grip. āNo, waitāā
Gojo doesnāt look at him. āYou donāt need a big wind-up. Itāll be painful even if you donāt hit hard so no pressure.āĀ
āHey,ā Naoya snaps, voice pitching higher. āSomeone get him off me.āĀ
āBut I want to hurt him,ā you say to Gojo.Ā
āYou will,ā Gojo says, very simply. āBut you donāt have to hurt yourself to do it. Youāre doing this for you, remember? To get it off your chest.āĀ
Naoya tries to laugh. It comes out wrong. āCome on, man. I said Iām sorry. Tell her to stop being dramatic.āĀ
Gojo tilts his head at you, as if listening to a distant appliance hum. āDo you hear something?ā
You stare at him, cocking your head in a mirror of his own gesture. āThe music?ā
āNo.ā He waves his question away. āSomething annoying. Anyway. Hand open, shoulders down and feet on the ground. Youāve got this.āĀ
You do as he says and then turn to look at Naoya.Ā
For months, he had made you feel like every reaction you had was too much, too loud or too needy, too embarrassing, too difficult to love. He had taught you how to swallow anger until it sat heavy in your stomach and called that maturity. He had always walked away with his shoulders up because you were always the one trying not to make a scene.Ā
And now, youāre finally going to leave a mark on him.Ā
You slap him.Ā
The sound cracks across the room, sharp enough to split cleanly through the music. Naoyaās head snaps to the side at the force of it, mouth open, but finally, finally, nothing leaves it.Ā
Your palm burns immediately, a bright sting rushing up your arm and the ring presses back into your finger, cold against the heat of your skin. It hurts a little. But it hurts so good.Ā
Gojo lets go of Naoya at once. Your ex stumbles back, one hand flying to his cheek, eyes wide with shock. āYou fuckingāā
āHoly shit!ā Gojo says loudly. āIs that Naoya from TDP? Dude, what are you doing here, do you even know Utahime?ā
Naoyaās face drops slightly in confusion. āWhat?āĀ
Gojoās voice carries easily over the music now. āNo, seriously. Arenāt you the guy that one post was made about in the group chat? I wouldnāt have come to a party when you havenāt even said anything about the allegations.āĀ
The crowd surrounding you instantly starts murmuring amongst themselves, shooting Naoya dirty looks.Ā
Naoya grits his teeth, anger flooding his face all over again. āI didnātāā
āItās weird, I really donāt think Utahime would have invited you.ā
āI was invited.ā
āBy who?ā
Naoya opens his mouth but nothing comes out fast enough.
A girl by the couch scoffs. āUtahime would never invite him.ā
āYeah, didnāt she literally say not to let him in?ā
āHow did he get inside?ā
Someone near you nods along to his words, and a girl wraps her arms around you, running her hand up and down your side. It could have so easily gone wrong, Naoya yelling something about being hurt and suddenly you became the problem. The drunk girl, the angry ex seeking vengeance. The one who slapped someone in the middle of the party.Ā
But now everyone is looking at him. And Naoya seems to realise this too because his eyes dart around the room, searching for sympathy and finding none.Ā
āCreep,ā someone mutters.
āGet him out,ā another voice says.
Naoya points toward Gojo, furious and scared in a way you have never seen before. āHeās lying. Sheās drunk and sheās always beenāāĀ
āUgh, spare me, I know you were creeping around me too!āĀ
Gojo doesnāt stick around for the aftermath and you donāt either, his hand closing around your other hand to gently tug you through the growing crowd, his broad back guiding the way.Ā
Itās nice, you realise, which is a stupid thing to immediately think of next after slapping your ex-boyfriend in the middle of a party. Still, it is.Ā
The way he moves through the room without dragging you behind him, the way people part for him easily, but he keeps glancing back anyway, like heās making sure youāre still thereĀ and not swallowed by the music and body and the roaring awareness of what youāve just done. His hand is warm around yours, loose enough that you could pull away if you wanted to, firm enough that you donāt have to think too hard about where youāre going.Ā
You let yourself follow. Past the kitchen, past the hallway mirror, past two girls whispering near the wall,Ā both of them looking over your shoulder toward where Naoya had disappeared, their expression twisted with disgust.Ā
The noise dulls a little near the back of the house. The music still reaches here, bass-heavy and insistent, but the air feels cooler, less packed with breath and perfume. Just before the back door, Gojo stops.Ā
You nearly bump into him and he chuckles, turning around.
āCareful.ā He looks you up and down not unpleasantly. āHowās the hand?āĀ
āItās fine,ā you say automatically. Then you pause, looking down.Ā
His ring is still sitting crooked on your middle finger, too loose and faintly warm now from your skin. Your palm is red and your fingers tingle but the slap keeps replaying in your head in satisfying flashes: the crack of it, Naoyaās face turning, and any regret you might have felt dissipates.Ā
āOkay, it might sting a little.āĀ
Gojoās expression softens. āLet me see it.āĀ
You lift your other hand not in his, and he reaches out to take it, a sharp thrill running up your arm when he makes contact. He turns your hand over carefully, fingers light and ticklish against your palm as he inspects it. For a moment, you wonder about this gentleness that he shows you, how sharply it contrasts with the way he had held Naoya hard enough to draw blood.
His fingers move over your palm with careful attention, thumb brushing beneath the base of your fingers, moving down to the sensitive skin of your wrist and making you shiver. The hallway is too warm and too cold at once, music pulsing behind you in dull waves, but all you can really feel is the shape of his hand around yours and the ridiculous, traitorous flutter under your ribs.Ā
āYouāll live,ā he says eventually, fingers splaying over your wrist and forearm before dropping. āAnd youāre staring.āĀ
You blink when you process that heās looking right into your eyes, his lips quirked into a small smile as he watches you.Ā
āThanks for helping me slap my ex.āĀ
He shrugs. āItās no problem, band shirt. I think my ring did the bulk of everything.āĀ
You look down at your hand and notice that heās right. The silver sits crooked on your finger, too loose and too pretty, catching the hallway light like it has any right to look innocent after drawing blood across Naoyaās cheek. Thank you, pretty silver ring, for your service. May your efforts haunt him for at least a few business days.
Gojo lowers his hand under yours again and for a second, you think that heās going to ask for it back. Instead, he lifts your hand slowly such that you have the chance to pull away. His eyes stay on yours until the last moment, before he lowers his mouth and presses a soft kiss to the ring.Ā
Technically, itās his ring and not your hand he kissed. Still, the warmth of his breath brushes your skin, and something bright and winged breaks loose in your stomach. Your fingers twitch once in his hold as your breath catches. His lashes lower into the kiss, before he opens his eyes again and looks up at you through them.Ā
He smiles at you cheekily.Ā Ā
āCanāt run away from me now, can you?ā he asks, lowering your hand just enough to comfortably interlace his own fingers with yours. āI never did give you my name that one time before but itās Gojo Satoru, though it looks like you already know. Come sit with me.āĀ
āMeā ends up being him, and also his friends. Which is not as awkward as you thought it would be, mostly because the second Gojo opens the back door, Utahime and Shoko both sit up from where theyāve been lounging together on an outdoor chair like two cats disturbed mid-nap. Their fingers point at you at the exact same time.Ā
āYou!ā
āWith him?āĀ
āHi guys.ā You drop your hand from his under the piercing gaze of your friends. āHowās the party?ā
Gojo doesnāt say anything, only stepping around you with that easy, unbothered smile of his, and joining a conversation with some guys standing around the bonfire.Ā
Utahimeās backyard has been transformed into something of a cozy hangout spot. Cheap fairylights hang crooked from the overhead roof, blinking out of sink, and a few mismatched outdoor chairs and beanbags sit in a loose circle around a low table cluttered with cups, jackets, and a neat stack of cards. Thereās a small lit fire further out, but you drag your eyes away from its company to focus on the people you do know.Ā
Shoko shuffles closer to her girlfriend, patting the space next to her which you gratefully take. āHold on, so did you find someone to make out with after all? And was itā¦?āĀ
You quickly look back at Gojo who is now talking quietly with someone you donāt know, the long-haired boy nodding in serious thought at whatever is leaving his mouth. His eyes slide to you and when they meet yours, you flinch, looking away.
āNo! Thatās notāGod, my head is killing me. I didnāt make out with anyone, okay? Iām not here to find someone to hook up with.āĀ
āWhy are you here then?āĀ
āYou threatened me to come.ā You point out.Ā
āWell, you werenāt going to not come, thatās not in the cards.ā Shoko presses you another cup into your hands and, because you have yet to learn your lesson from earlier, you take a trusting sip.Ā
You almost choke out the battery acid when it hits your tongue, covering your mouth with your arm as you glare at your friends. āOh, ew, Shoko. Seriously? Canāt you make something good for once? Your jungle juice is always so ass.āĀ
āThatās how you know it works. Tongue loosened up yet? Why did you just walk out with Gojo? Whatās going on between you two? Does he know now?āĀ
You lean back into the seat at Shokoās interrogation, and take another deep chug of Shokoās disgusting drink. āBefore you grill me, I have to grill you. Want to tell me what Naoya is doing at your party, Utahime?āĀ
Utahime blinks. āNaoya is at my party?āĀ
āWas,ā you correct yourself. āI think he got the message after I slapped him that he shouldnāt be here.āĀ
āYou slapped him?ā Utahime sits up with a bright smile. āOh my God, tell me you got that on video! To clear my name though, I definitely did not invite him. He must have snuck in or something.āĀ
āWell, basically everyone saw so Iām sure thereās a video on someoneās story by now.ā You look back at Gojo now standing with just one other guy. āSatoru just happened to be there at the right place and time to help. Thatās it.āĀ
When your friends donāt immediately press for more questions, you turn back and find them whispering and giggling to each other. When they feel your suspicious gaze, Shoko looks up. āSorry, yes, right. Gojo saved you.ā
Utahime clears her throat suddenly. āWait, shut up. Three oāclock.āĀ
You stiffen when a weight presses against you, someoneās body dropping into the narrow gap between you and the armrest.Ā
You instinctively shuffle closer to Shoko to make room, though there is not enough room to make. Your thigh presses ages his, shoulder brushing against yours, and his arm slides along the back of the chair, not quite touching your neck, but close enough that your skin tingles.Ā
Shoko mutters, āThis chair is clearly only meant for three.āĀ
āIād hate to think you donāt want me here,ā Gojo says cheerfully. āWhat are we talking about? Me?āĀ
āYour head is so far up your ass you only ever think of yourself,ā Utahime grumbles.Ā
You freeze, unsure where your limbs should go when youāre pressed up to the person behind the faceless voice in your walls. Admittedly, this realisation comes a little late. You should have armed your walled defenses the moment Gojo had grabbed your wrist and pulled you behind him, should have simply walked away after slapping Naoya (that was a non-negotiable, canon event) instead of letting him drag you back where youāre now trapped. Because he doesnāt know youāre her. And right now when youāre drunk and unsteady on your feet and thoughts? This might be the worst possible time for him to find out.Ā
āThat over there is Suguru,ā Gojo suddenly leans in to say, breath ghosting the shell of your ear. His voice sends shivers down your neck and along your spine, every sensation suddenly all too much. The fabric that isnāt your own grazing high on your thigh, his hair tickling your cheek, his feet nudging yours slightly so you can move over just a little bit more for him.Ā
āThatās Kento, with the frown and beside him is Yuu, without the frown. And those, on the table, are my Digimon cards. Who the fuck brought them out here?āĀ
Haibara laughs. āGeto did! We were playing truth or dare with them!ā
āYouāre lucky thatās my dupe deck or Iād end this friendship right here and now,ā Gojo says, an easy grin on his face as if he wasnāt pressing up against you, his chest warm and hard against your side, your elbow awkwardly jutting into him.Ā
Your hand flexes around the cup, and the ring shifts slightly on your finger. Gojoās gaze drops to it for half a second, a private little smile cutting across his mouth before he looks back at the table.Ā
āWe heard about what happened inside,ā Geto says. āAre you okay?āĀ
Would it be too late to suddenly go mute? If youāre able to recognise Gojo by his voice, then the chances of him putting name to face with the girl next door and you is also very high. Though, considering the way he isnāt immediately pulling you aside to ask if you are indeed the voice in his walls, you want to believe that he has yet to figure out your identity.Ā
So no, it isnāt too late to go mute.Ā
You nod in response to Getoās question and flash him a smile, hoping none of it comes off as rude.Ā
Gojo hums beside you, the vibration travelling through your bodies. He leans down to speak into your ear, a conversation just for you. āNot much for words? What happened to all the snark earlier?ā
You stall for time by taking a long sip of Shokoās concoction, the sting temporarily skyrocketing to the top of your concerns. This may or may not be a bad idea because now that youāre seated, all the previous drinks sloshing around in your stomach and this adding sip burning down your throat, you feel the world tip a little. You probably canāt deflect this question, not when he asks like this, so you settle for something else.Ā
Clearing your throat, you try for a lower octave than usual. āI only talk to the people that deserve it,ā you say, then let out a small huff at how ridiculous you sound.Ā
The grin he shoots you is all confidence and self-assurance, leaning in a fraction closer. āHow would you know if youāve never given me a chance?āĀ
āItās pointless, I already know what youāre like.ā Maybe itās the bonfire or the drink in your hand but you are getting really warm. You take another long sip.Ā
āWe talked for ten minutes max the other day, I highly doubt that,ā he cocks his head at you. āDo I know you from somewhere else?āĀ
You hum. āMaybe.āĀ
āI think I would remember someone like you.āĀ
That causes you to raise an eyebrow, letting his casual flirt roll off you.Ā
āFlattery,ā you start, poking his chest. You let him catch your hand in his, holding it there against his heart, āwonāt get you anywhere especially when itās empty.ā
āWho said it was empty? Besides, I know I wouldnāt forget such a pretty girl.ā
āOh, you would. You are.ā You laugh again, finding the inside joke hilarious. āTry a little harder to remember, hm Satoru?āĀ
The challenge makes his eyes glow just like you knew they would, always have known from the moment when a wall still separated the two of you and he had laughed at your provoking, all dark and not humourous at all.Ā
āMaybe if you gave me a name.ā
Youāre not quite ready to hear his name from your lips just yet so you only shake your head, wagging your finger at him playfully. āWhereās the fun in that?ā
āIām usually a patient man and Iām all for the chase,ā he starts, fingers inching closer, brushing hair from the back of your neck as he leans in, ābut youāve left me high and dry for so long.ā
His words go in one ear and out the other, your breath hitching at the slightest touch. Despite yourself, you gulp and taste the bitter alcohol in your mouth. You feel it too, warmth pooling in your gut and making your head spin.Ā
āIām not an easy person,ā you whisper, eyes flickering down to his lips and you bite your own, the rush of all your fantasies suddenly overwhelming you. In all other them, youāve never once imagined his lips on yours, not until now. And you donāt doubt that after this, you'll be thinking of them often.Ā
āTrust me,ā he chuckles. āYouāre not easy, youāre stubborn as hell and you always give me a hard time.ā
As if sensing your temptation, Gojoās eyes trace the way your teeth dig into your lip, watching the pull before you release it, red and slightly jutted out. It makes him want to sink his teeth into your bottom lip and lick the marks it leaves behind.Ā
Your breath hitches. He leans in slightly, looking up to search your face and wait to see if youāll pull back. When you donāt, when he accepts whatever look is in eyes, he leans forward more. The anticipation builds and morphs into budding frustration when he continues to play this game of chicken, giving you countless moments to pull away if needed even when youāve shown no sign of stopping.Ā
Shoko clears her throat and you jump, accidentally crushing your solo cup. The liquid bursts up and flows down your wrist and into your lap.Ā
āShit!ā you curse, immediately jumping up and pulling the fabric away from your skin.Ā
Gojo quickly follows, one hand hovering on your lower back in case you tip back.Ā
āOh, fuck,ā Shoko says. āYou okay?āĀ
āYeah, itās just super sticky.ā You wince, accepting the tissues Nanami hands you though they do little good. āEw, itās, like, sticking to my skin.āĀ
Utahime speaks up, watching you from over the rim of her cup. āThereās a bathroom down the corridor. Gojo knows where it is, he can show you.ā
āAnd maybe the two of you can make out there instead of right in front of us,ā Geto says offhandedly, though his cup canāt completely hide his grin. The people around the table giggle at his words, Shoko probably the loudest.Ā
You blush, immediately going to deny his accusations but Gojo beats you to it.
āShoko and Utahime are one second away from eating each otherās faces off but no one says anything about that!ā
āThatās because this is my party, Gojo.āĀ
āYeah, well it was my party that got you two together,ā Gojo shoots back childishly.Ā
Everyone laughs again, chattering as they descend into the topic of other inside jokes, playing word association as they leap from memory to memory. Thereās a sense of belonging that oozes from everyone as they lean into one another and talk and gossip. You might have appreciated this moment more, enjoyed the fact that theyāre allowing you into this intimate moment, if not for the sudden blossoming warmth inside you. Before you can really think about it, you tug on Gojoās shirt.Ā
He immediately leans down, angling his ear to you. āHm?āĀ
āTake me to the bathroom?āĀ
Gojo stiffens, eyes flickering to your face then down your body. He bites his lip hard to focus, ignoring the temptation to let his mind wander at your innocent words. They had to be innocent, right? You, who was now looking up at him through your lashes with a pout playing on your lips, one hand tugging on the hem of his shirt, thumb rolling over the fabric slowly. You who was fidgeting ever so slightly, thighs rubbing together due to the cold.
āYeah,ā he says suddenly, all humour gone. āLetās go.āĀ
Someone cheers behind you as Gojo helps you up and opens the back door for you, though neither of you seem to care. He doesnāt bother with answering greetings, only smiling shortly as you pass familiar people, something more impatient when he guides you than before.Ā
He leads you down a corridor and into a dark room, closing the door behind you. Your heart leaps to your throat until he turns on the light, and you wince at the brightness.Ā
āSorry, pretty. Shouldāve warned you,ā Gojo says, only looking vaguely apologetic as he leans against the closed door, one hand still on the knob like heās giving you a chance to back out.Ā
He watches you carefully, tracing the line of your jaw, the slightest twitch of your brow and then, his favourite part, the flush climbing your cheeks. āThe bathroom should be safer than a spare room. Who knows who is in there doing what.ā
You hesitate. āYou didnāt have to follow me in.āĀ
āNo?ā He tilts his head, eyes roaming over you before settling smugly on your face. āYouāre still holding onto my shirt. Maybe let go if you want to sound convincing.āĀ
You shiver, letting go immediately and stepping back closer to the sink. You open your mouth to say something, a stupid excuse perhaps, but he beats you to it.Ā
āYou cold?āĀ
āWhat?ā
āEarlier.ā His eyes fall to your legs. āYou were fidgeting. Thought maybe you were cold. Call me a desperate guy if you want, but donāt ask a guy to take you somewhere private while looking at me like that.āĀ
āLike what?āĀ
Gojo pushes off the door and you take a step back instinctively. āLike you wanted me to misunderstand you.āĀ
You hesitate, looking around the bathroom. He seems to notice, and stops immediately, eyes softening. āHey, Iām not going to do anything you donāt want. Just shove me away and Iāll go, I promise.āĀ
āItās not that,ā you bite your lip.Ā
āThen what is it, pretty?āĀ
āYou talk too much. Youāre too loud,ā you manage to say, warm despite the chill of the drink on you. āAlways have been.ā
The corner of his mouth lifts. āYeah?āĀ
āYes.āĀ
āGood.ā He takes one step closer. āThen make me shut up.āĀ
Your back meets the sink before you realise you have moved, the contrast of cold porcelain against your overheated skin making you gasp. Heās on you in an instant, hands roaming down your side until theyāre gripping your hips hard enough to bruise.Ā
āYouāre so tense,ā he murmurs against your neck. āYou have no idea Iāve been watching you all night, do you? That little skirt? This tiny little top?āĀ
He slaps your tits and you jolt, looking up at him in surprise to which he only grins down at you. You canāt seem to form a coherent thought, not when thereās alcohol swimming in your veins and turning your limbs to jelly, mind to fog. Still, you manage to say, āDid you just slap my boob?ā
āDonāt act like you didnāt like it. If I shove my hand down your skirt, am I going to find you wet, pretty?āĀ
His knee nudges between your thighs, spreading them open as he steps closer.Ā
āYou are so grossāā you start, but he cuts you off with his mouth on yours.Ā
The kiss is brutal and demanding all at once. His tongue slides against yours, tasting of expensive liquor and something sweet, or maybe thatās just your taste and heās shoving it back against your mouth. One hand leaves your hip to fist in your hair, tilting your head back.Ā
He breaks the kiss only to trail his lips down your throat, sucking hard at the pulse point. āDonāt lie to me. I know youāve wanted this since the first time I heard you. You have quite the perverted streak to you, donāt you?ā
Your breath hitches. His hand slides down, palm flat against your stomach, then lower. He doesn't bother with the fabric of your panties, just pushes them aside and drags his fingers through your slick folds.
āFuck,ā he hisses. āYouāre soaked. And you're gonna tell me you weren't dreaming about this? Getting yourself off to the thought of me touching you like this?āĀ
His middle finger sinks into you without warning. You cry out, a sound that would be embarrassing if you had any sense left. But all you can feel is the stretch, the fullness, the way your body clenches around him desperately.
āThat's it,ā he coos, tone shifting to something truly mocking. āYouāre really feeling it now, arenāt you?āĀ
He adds a second finger, fucking them into you with a rhythm that has your knees buckling. His thumb circles your clit in lazy, torturous circles. You're already so close, the buildup of tension from hours of dancing, of drinking, of watching him across the room, it all crashes toward a peak.
āPlease,ā you whimper.
āPlease what? Use your words, pretty.ā
āPlease fuck me,ā you manage to gasp, fantasy and reality crashing together in a dizzying mess.Ā
He pulls his fingers out abruptly, and you groan at the loss. But then you hear the sound of his belt unbuckling, the zipper of his pants, and your mouth waters. He takes himself in hand, strokes once, twice, and then the blunt head of his cock presses against your entrance.
āLook at me,ā he commands.
You force your eyes open. His are dark, pupils blown wide, a little furrow between his brows.Ā
āAre you with me?ā he asks, brushing your hair out of your eyes.Ā
You nod, rutting forward pathetically.Ā
āCome on, pretty, I need to hear you say it.ā
āIām here!ā you choke out, gasping. āPlease, I want this, I promise IāI want you. Satoru, please.ā
He groans, the tip of his cock pressing forward beyond that little ring of resistance, swearing at the involuntary thrust. āOkay, okay, Iāve got you.āĀ
He noses into your temple, inhaling deeply, one thumb holding you open as he presses in and groans, filthy and depraved.Ā
āFuckāyouāre so tight,ā he gasps, cock stuttering through until heās buried deep.Ā
The sensation of being stretched wide open on his cock makes you tense, before a ragged, grateful cry escapes your swollen lips. You can barely breathe through your nose, head spinning with pleasure.Ā
āOh god, oh my god!ā you cry out, head thrown back.Ā
āShh,ā he hisses against your ear, his breath hot and sweet. His cock rams into youāa thick, punishing rhythm he picks up easilyāand every thrust pushes your back against the sink. āYou gotta stay quiet, angel. We don't want anyone hearinā how much of a slut you are, do we?ā
But of course, all good things have to come to an end because through the hazy pleasure, you hear a grating voice.Ā
āHey! Y/N! I know you're in there!ā You can recognise Naoyaās voice anywhere even, it seems, when youāre being fucked for every inch of your life.Ā
Gojoās hand closes around your mouth as he looks at you, grunting softly with every thrust. He pulls out briefly and you whine until he turns you around and presses you up against the cold tiles, driving up into you like he never left. His rhythm doesnāt falter, if anything, he pounds harder.Ā
āMm-mm,ā you try to say, shaking your head, panic rising. He doesn't stop. He slams into you and your body jolts, your forehead knocking against the tile.
āI said I know you're in there!ā Naoya's voice is slurred, angry. He kicks the door. āOpen the fuck up! We need to talk!ā
Gojoās hand slides off your mouth though not enough to leave completely. Itās just his palm moving, his fingers hooking into the corner of your lips, prying your mouth open. Two of them slip inside, salty with your own slick, and he pushes them back until you're gagging.
āAnswer him,ā Gojo whispers, his lips brushing your ear. āGo on. Tell him youāre busy.ā
You canāt. His fingers are deep in your throat. You gag, tears springing to your eyes, and he just laughs, low and dark.
āOh, right. You can't talk with my fingers in your mouth, can you?ā He pulls them out, slick and wet, and wraps them around your jaw, tilting your face toward the door. āTry again. Use your words.ā
āNaoya,ā you choke out, your voice wrecked, breathless. āIāmāIām fine. Justāā
āJust what?ā Gojo thrusts, hard, and your sentence crumbles into a gasp. His cock sinks so deep you feel it in your stomach. āJust getting fucked stupid? Tell him the truth.ā
Thereās a beat of silence. You can picture Naoya on the other side of the door, his fists clenched, his jaw tight. When he speaks again, his voice is lower, certainly enraged.
āYouāre lying. I can hear you breathing. Open the fucking door.ā
Gojoās hips slow. He pulls almost all the way out, leaving just the tip, and then drives forward in one smooth, devastating motion. You cry out, quickly muffled by your own hand.
āDon't make me break this door down,ā Naoya warns.
Gojo chuckles, right in your ear. āHe sounds mad. Poor guy. You really do know how to pick āem, donāt you?ā He leans closer, his chest pressing against your back, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. āBut youāre not his anymore, are you? You're mine. For tonight, anyway.ā
He fucks you slow now, deep and deliberate, his cock dragging along every inch of your walls. You feel every ridge, every vein and your legs tremble in the delicious drag.
āTell him,ā Gojo whispers, āthat youāre busy. That you donāt have time for him anymore. āCause heās nothing to you now, right? Tell me heās nothing to you.āĀ
You swallow, wanting nothing more than to open your mouth and babble about how incredible it is to get railed in a bathroom, how brainless Gojoās cock is making you but you have to be good, heās waiting for you. So instead, you manage to say, āNaoya, leave meānghāalone!ā
Naoya growls at the closed door before him, even going so far as to stomp his feet like a petulant kid. āFine! Fucking fine, Y/N! But I promise you, youāll regret this! Iāll make sure you do!ā
Sure, you think, eyes rolling back, as if your Etsy witch can touch me anymore when Gojo is fucking me. You slump forward, relief flooding you when you hear his footsteps retreating, but Gojo doesnāt let you rest. He grabs a fistful of your hair, yanking your head back, and resumes his brutal pace.
āGood girl,ā he purrs. His voice is different now, softer, honeyed andĀ almost affectionate. āSuch a good fucking girl. You did so well. You listened. You obeyed.ā He kisses your shoulder, open-mouthed, wet. āSee? I knew you could be good for me.ā
The whiplash is dizzying and it only makes you arch more, something inevitable and delicious approaching in the far distance.Ā
āThat's right,ā he murmurs, still fucking you deep and slow. āYou took that so well. Pretended you werenāt getting your tight little cunt stuffed while your ex was right outside. That takes skill, pretty. Youāre so fucking perfect for me.ā
His hand snakes around your front, fingers finding your clit. He rubs slow, tight circles, and your hips buck.
āBet you've been practicing, haven't you?ā His voice is a low, knowing drawl. āAll those nights you thought nobody was listening. Thought nobody could hear you moaning. But werenāt you the one to tell me? The walls are thin as shit, angel.ā
Heās ramming into you now, fast and rough again, his words spilling out between each thrust and all you can do is be a ragdoll in his hold.Ā
āYou'd lie in bed, late at night, fingers in your pussy, listening to me stroke my cock. Iād hear you. The wet sounds. The little āoh, yesās. And Iād think... fuck, I need to have that. I need to feel that cunt clench around me.ā
You're dizzy, overwhelmed. His hand on your clit, his cock in your cunt, his words in your brain, itās all too much.
āDid you think I didnāt recognize you at the party tonight? The girl with the needy little moans?ā He bites your earlobe, hard enough to sting. āIāve been waiting for an excuse to corner you. And then you showed up drunk and sad, with that asshole on your heels, and I knew tonight was the night.ā
Heās watching you in the mirror and you catch his reflection. His eyes are dark, lips parted, face flushed. Heās absolutely beautiful.
āI'm gonna fill you up,ā he growls. āGonna pump my cum so deep inside you it leaks out for days. And when you walk past my door tomorrow, you're gonna know. Youāre gonna remember this. Youāre gonna touch yourself to the memory, and Iāll be right there, on the other side of the wall, stroking myself to the sound of you coming undone.ā
His hips slam into you. Once, twice, three times. You feel the pressure building, the coil in your belly tightening to the point of pain.
āSatoruāā you gasp, hands fumbling for purchase on the wall.Ā
āI know, angel, I know. Cum for me,ā he demands. āWanna finally feel you cum on my cockāfuck.ā
You shatter. Your orgasm crashes through you like a wave, your cunt clenching around him, your body shaking. You cry out his nameāSatoruāand he follows a second later, buried to the hilt, his cum hot and thick inside you.
He holds you there, both of you breathing hard, sweat-slick and sticky. Then he pulls out slowly, watching his cum drip down your thigh.
āGood girl,ā he says again, his voice a warm, approving caress. He turns you around, cups your face in his hands, and kisses you, soft, tender, unhurried. āYou did so well, pretty. So, so good for me.ā
Your knees are weak and he notices, turning you and pressing you to his chest to keep you upright. He continues to whisper in your ear as your senses return to you, and when you finally lift a hand to gently push at his chest, he lets you, eyes immediately flickering down to your eyes.Ā
āStill with me?āĀ
You nod, before you fall forward into his arms.Ā
When your body breaks down alcohol, it converts the ethanol into acetate, a process that produces a lot of NADH from NADāŗ. The imbalance of the NADHāŗ ratio leads to the feelings of weakness and grogginess that come from a horrible night out.Ā
You wake now, approximately ninety percent NADH and ten percent regret.Ā
For a while, you refuse to move. You only stare at your ceiling, blinking slowly at the familiar crack in the paint above your head, the soft grey light pressing through the curtains, the horrible cotton-dry feeling your tongue against the top of your mouth.Ā
How the fuck did you get home?
Your own bed, in most cases, the preferred place to wake up after all. Itās safe, itās familiar, and most importantly, itās yours. But the last thing you remember is not collapsing into the warmth and security of your own bed. The last thing you recall comes in fragments: Utahimeās party, Gojoās hands on your body, the bathroom light flickering too bright overhead, the sink cold behind you and his voice low in your ear.Ā
And then nothing. You suppose there are brief pieces after that, blurry and soft around the edges. Glimpses of a car window, someone cursing under their breath, the sound of your keys jingling and the vague sensation of being carried. That one must have been a drunken hallucination because itās humiliating and therefore cannot be the truth.Ā
You fumble for your phone which is not beside your pillow where you usually place it after your nightly doomscroll before bed, but placed neatly on your bedside table. Thereās a few texts from friends on your lock screen, but thereās only one person you want to text.Ā
shoko: alive?
actually donāt answer if youāre dead
if youāre alive though please drink some water and let me know that youāre okĀ
You laugh softly. Why did you jump to conclusions so quick? Of course it was Shoko that took you home! Who knew her upper body strength was so good that she managed to carry you into your own bed after a night of drinking.Ā
you: im alive!!
thank u so much for taking me home btwĀ
i owe u :3
She quickly reacts to your message with a heart before the typing indicator appears.Ā
shoko: i didnāt take u home (?)Ā
gojo did obv
he WHAT? is probably what youāre thinking but please remember to breathe and drink some water before you crash outĀ
You are, in fact, thinking he what?And because Shoko accurately called you out on that, you decide to follow through on the rest of her advice. You turn your head and stop a sticky note stuck to the glass of water beside your head, bright yellow and neat as a warning label.Ā
water is important when youāre recovering from a hangover! ā satoru
Then, a little to the left, attached to a packet of painkillers,Ā
because i know your head probably feels like shit rn ā still meĀ
āOh my god,ā you whisper, unsure whether to laugh or to run away.Ā
You do neither because your head really does hurt like a motherfucker, and take the painkillers along with a generous gulping or two of water. The cool liquid does little against the parched nature of your throat, but when you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, you feel alive enough to venture out of your bed.Ā
Thereās a sticky note on the ground next to a pair of slippers you swore you had separated, one in the kitchen one somewhere in the living room.Ā
the ground is cold! wear slippers! ā forever urs :3
āForever yours?ā you repeat aloud, voice wrecked with sleep and dehydration even as you shove your toes in.Ā
Thereās another note on the back of your bedroom door.Ā
no matter what u see in the mirror remember youāre beautiful! ā shrek to ur fiona?
You open your bedroom door and make your slow, regretful way to the bathroom where you lay your tired eyes on your puffy face. You have definitely seen better days. Thereās another note stuck to your mirror.Ā
face wash is on the left toothbrush is on the right if you use the face wash as toothpaste, thatās between you and god ā not your doctorĀ
Huffing out a sound that might be amusement, you pick up your toothbrush and ensure you squeeze toothpaste onto its bristles. The toothpaste is minty and makes your eyes water slightly, but by the time you rinse your mouth, you feel one step closer to not feeling like the undead.Ā
Thereās another note stuck to the towel rack.Ā
if ur eyes are puffy, put a cold compress over them! ā still not a doctor
From the bathroom back to your room for a change of clothes and even on your way to the kitchen, youāre guided by a series of sticky notes.Ā
clean clothes! i didnāt look through your drawers dw ā feministĀ
welcome to the kitchen! huge milestone for you ā ur biggest fanĀ
water already boiled in here so when you wake up to reboil it itāll take less time ā the kettle knowerĀ
drink real water first before the coffee !! seriously donāt put coffee in me just yet ā mugĀ
soup inside on the second shelf :3 not homemade so donāt get too excited iām handsome, not magical i couldnāt have it both ways ā :(
in the microwave for two minutes with lid half on! take it out when itās boiling ā the soup sipperĀ
You finally feel alive enough to laugh, embarrassingly loud in the quiet of your kitchen. You stand there in your slippers, teeth brushed, face washed, and dressed in clothes when any other time you might have still been under the covers.Ā
The apartment feels full of him. A note when you open your utensil drawer for a spoon, a note sitting on top of a coffee pod conveniently placed on your counter, a note against the body of a vase youāve placed on your dining table to feel more homey.Ā
eat slowly, you get hiccups when you rush!Ā
The notes take you away from your drying rack when youāve finished the store-bought soup and washed your spoon, taking you to your living room. Your camera sits on your coffee table, a sticky stuck on the surface that reads: āturn me on ><ā
You roll your eyes but do so, lifting it up and framing the sorry state of your living room before hitting the record button. The first shot captures just how many sticky notes litter the surface of almost every object, the words telling you a funny joke or reminding you to put something back. You take your time walking through all of them, his handwriting everywhere, his name everywhere (except when he decides to write down a silly nickname).Ā
Satoru.
Satoru.
Satoru.
Then, you find the last one on your front door.Ā
if youāre overwhelmed, you donāt have to open this today. if youāre angry at me, just yell at me through the wall :( if youāre okay, iād like to see you ā satoru
And then, before you can think it through, you reach forward and open your door.Ā
Gojo stands in the hallway, a bouquet of flowers clutched in both hands like heās praying. His eyes light up when you open your door and he moves forward instinctively. Heās so close that the toe of one sock is nearly edging over the threshold of your apartment.Ā
You let out a short scream.Ā
He startles just as badly, eyes going wide as he reaches forward on instinct to steady you, and your camera slips from your hand.
āOhāāĀ
It hits the floor before either of you can grab it, bouncing once, then sliding sideways across the carpet until it knocks gently against the leg of your couch. The camera keeps recording from there, tilted on its side. It catches the lower half of your open door, Gojoās socked feet in the hallway, your bare feet on the carpet, and the hem of your sweater falling over your shorts.
āAre you okay?ā he asks in a rush.Ā
āWhat are you doing standing right in front of my door, you creep?ā you shoot back, one hand pressed to your chest. āWere you standing there the entire time?āĀ
āI was trying to be romantic.ā He shoves the bouquet toward you, panic making his voice crack at the edges. āI literally got you flowers!āĀ
You take them automatically, bewildered by the weight of roses in your hands. āThank you? Is that why youāve littered all over my apartment?āĀ
His face falls. āWas that not cute?āĀ
You blink. āCute?āĀ
āDid you not think it was cute?ā he asks, suddenly horrified. āBecause I thought it was cute. I mean, not in a weird way. Well, maybe a little weird. But intentional weird. Charming weird.āĀ
āThe sticky notes?ā
He groans, dragging a hand down his face. āLook, Iāve never done anything like this before, okay? This whole romance thing is seriously above me, I have no idea how Iām meant to ask you this without scaring you away.āĀ
You stare at him for a long while before laughing. The sound pulls from your throat loud and bright that it almost hurts with an incoming headache, but itās so funny you just canāt stop. āI knew you had no experience with women. I called it all along, didnāt I?ā
āPlease, this and that are completely unrelated.ā His shoulders seem to relax at your laugh, and he finally cracks a smile, running a hand through his hair. āYou never were going to make it easy for me, were you?āĀ
āEasy? When youāve just left forty sticky notes in my apartment and then lurked outside my door?ā
His smile trembles, trying to stay bright, but the nerves are still there beneath it. You can see them now that you know to look. The way his fingers flex at his side, the way his eyes keep flickering from your face to the threshold like he is measuring the exact line he is not allowed to cross.Ā
āI wasnāt lurking,ā he says, quieter. āI was waiting.āĀ
Your fingers tighten around the bouquet.Ā
Gojo looks down at it, then back at you. āI wanted to knock earlier, but I thought if you woke up and saw me before you were ready, youād panic.ā
āPlease, I wouldnāt have panicked.āĀ
āYou literally panicked ten seconds ago.ā
āTouche.ā You look at him for a short while before glancing down at your slippered-feet. āIām still scared, honestly. I think Iāve been cursed in every possible aspect of love. Thatās why when I heard your voice all the way back during that carwash event, I didnāt want you to know it was me. It would break what we had going on through the wall and I liked that. It felt like something I could just keep to myself. And then I found out you were Satoru and it was obvious you werenāt just mine anymore.āĀ
Gojo lets you talk, lets you call him Gojo again without saying a single word until you finish. Then he says, āWere you disappointed?āĀ
āNo,ā you say immediately. āIt wasnāt like that.āĀ
He smiles then, head tilting to the side. āThen I can be just Satoru. Just your Satoru, if that helps.āĀ
Itās so stupidly cheesy that you have to scoff, even as your cheeks warm.Ā
āIām serious,ā he chuckles along with you, stepping a little closer. āI liked being 4B. I liked that you knew me when I was just some guy through the wall that you liked talking to. I liked talking to you through blackouts and through shitty phone calls. I liked what we had too. Have, if youāll let me.ā
āAre you asking me out?ā
He huffs, a weary smirk on his face. āIsnāt it obvious?āĀ
Instead of answering him, you shove the bouquet of flowers back into his chest, watching as his brows furrow in confusion, before youāre reaching forward to cup his face and kiss him.
In one suspended second, Gojo simply stands there doing absolutely nothing. He freezes so completely beneath your hands that, if you risked opening your eyes, you might find his bright blue ones staring back at you. His lips are still against yours, the rest of him gone rigid, roses crushed between his chest and yours, fingers locked around the stems not quite sure what else to do.Ā
You almost pull back.Ā
But then, in a rush of movement, the bouquet is gone.Ā
He throws it blindly into your apartment with a kind of urgent, graceless force that makes several roses scatter across your carpet. Before you can laugh, his arms are around you.Ā
One arm wraps around your waist, pulling you close enough you half tread on his feet, other hand coming up to cradle the side of your face, warm and shaking just slightly. Nothing in the world has ever felt so right.Ā
Thereās too much smiling in the kiss, and your noses are pressed awkwardly for the kiss to be smooth but then he tilts his head and gets it right.Ā
You kiss him until your lungs begin to object and then slowly, you pull away. Gojo follows you for half a second before he catches himself, eyes opening slowly. His pupils are blown wide, hair a mess, and his mouth is parted without anything clever coming out of it.Ā
āSo,ā he licks his lips, eyes flickering down for a moment. āIs that a yes?āĀ
From the floor, your camera continues recording from its crooked angle. It captures none of it neatly, not your face and not his, not the way his thumb brushes your cheek. It catches the fall of the roses, the way your bodies draw the other in in a rush, the stumbling as he walks you back into your apartment and you both disappear from the frame in a fit of giggles and whispered words.Ā
āYes, Satoru,ā you laugh, letting him guide you further into your apartment. āItās a yes.āĀ
Later, when you edit the film, you leave the shot in. It isnāt as graceful as it could be nor will it win an Oscar in cinematography, but for your love assignment, you decide that this will do.Ā
a/n: oh my GOD this is another draft that i started writing in 2023 (?) and is affectionately known by my friends and i as the jorkin' it fic <3 b99!au fic coming next !! not that i don't love the other fics i've written but it's definitely my favourite wip so i hope you all love that one too! thank you so much for reading until the very end and i hope u enjoyed :3
between a smug academic rival, a masked hero you cannot stop thinking about, and a symbiote threat getting closer by the day, your life is quickly becoming unmanageable. gojo satoru keeps ruining your peace, spiderman keeps stealing your heart, and neither of them seems willing to tell you the truth. as secrets pile up and the city tips further into danger, you begin to realise the person breaking your heart and the one trying to save it may not be two different people at all.
pairing: nerd!jo + spiderman!jo x reader
content: mdni, fluff + crack + angst + smut, academic rivals to lovers (a bit), college slop + coffee slop, a little miscommunication, secret identity reveal, friends with benefits kind of, satoru and reader are bad at feelings, satoru makes bad choices, foot job, p in v, cunnilingus, angst (?) with a happy ending !!, some action scenes 55k+
note: the old title was āthe end of the worldā or smth so take a shot everytime the world ending is mentioned in the fic! thank you for reading and iāll see you at the end for more yap :3
Some people say the world ended December 12th, 2012 and that weāre all living in purgatory. The dead internet theory, Trisha Payta giving birth every time a significant member of society dies, that triangle in the middle of fuckass nowhere, there are pointers that this canāt be the reality we live in.
Not that you care because for all you know, the world ended for you on March 15th at 10:12am when you first met Gojo Satoru.
It was impossible to not know him beforehand, not when heās friends with your friends. And that distinction matters, their friend rather than your friend because you donāt associate with him, not willingly. In fact, you would have been beyond overjoyed if he remained that unnamed face sitting back row of your neuropharmacology tutorial class, and not the persistent nuisance that heās grown to be.
Because ever since the world has ended and youāve matched the elusive name to face, Gojo has managed to worm his way into your life. Heās there, slinging his arm over Shokoās shoulder as if you both arenāt glaring into the side of his head for it, dragging his friend Geto over too, the long haired boy at least having the decency to smile apologetically though not enough decency to leave.
Shoko never tells him off, which you originally assumed was her one and only tragic personality flaw until you eventually learned theyād been childhood best friends for almost twenty years. After that, it became easier to file her reactions away as a chronic, lifelong exasperation, the kind that slowly builds over decades until the only move left is to sigh and let the idiot sit down.
But did that idiot have to be Gojo?Ā
Ever since he entered your orbit that horrible day in March, you canāt seem to ignore his existence. You see those irritating thick-framed glasses around every corner on campus, his messy white hair sometimes tucked beneath the hood of his university jumper sometimes not, but always ruffled like he has just rolled out of bed. His laugh follows you around, a persistent soundtrack bleeding into every conversation you try to have with your actual friends. Heās always there, hands in pockets, bulky backpack slung over both shoulders, slippers padding lazily against the pavement like heās just walked straight out of his apartment and into your line of sight.
āRelax.ā Shoko tells you one afternoon as you aggressively wiped down a table, the cafe quieter now the day was slipping into that evening quiet. āYou wonāt have to see him ever again now that the semester is over. You can unclench.ā
Her advice only makes you snort, giving the table one last swipe before straightening to look at her busied behind the counter. āNot true if you donāt stop inviting him to everything. What made you even think of bringing him with us to the club last Friday?ā
Your best friend opens her mouth as if to defend him and that alone is enough for you to gag.
āShoko, he showed up in a dress shirt. And a messenger bag. To the fucking club!ā
āNot too much on him, he was coming straight from night classes.ā
Like that helps his case. Like being top of the cohort, effortlessly breezing through the same exams that require endless all-nighters from you, isnāt enough to satiate his greedy appetite. Like the universe hasnāt already gift-wrapped him with endless talent, now he has to go above and beyond and take night classes too.
āYeah, well. You need to separate your personal life from your work life. Work-life balance.ā
āI donāt see how that makes sense,ā Shoko retorts drily, speaking more to the sink than you as she washes up the last of the cups. āClubbing and Gojo are both my personal life. If anything, youāre the one bringing him into our work life right now.ā
āYouāre the one that said being his friend is a full-time job.ā
She sighs. āMinimal wage, too.ā
You weave through the tables and duck behind the counter, tossing the rag into a discarded pile for the night staff to deal with, and squeeze Shokoās shoulders as you pass behind her in the cramped space.
āHey,ā you start, voice sweet. āLetās cut him off.ā
She shoves you off good-mannerly, pushing you again in the direction of the apron rack to help you with the knot. āCut him some slack, wonāt you? Or donāt. Just forget about him. Like I said, now that the semester is over, you wonāt have any reason to see him ever again.ā
āThatās honestly up to you. Sure, I wonāt see him in classes anymore but are you going to spontaneously invite him to lunch again? Heās not coming to our Saturday cheese tasting plans, is he? What about that aquarium we wanted to check out?ā
Her hands pause before she loosens the knot and turns so you can untie her apron in return. āIāll tell him no to both.ā
āOh, so he asked?ā
āYou have no idea.ā As if sensing the rant already bubbling up your throat, Shoko quickly hands you your phone from under the counter. āBy the way, your phoneās been buzzing the entire shift. Youāre not still talking to that guy, are you?ā
You take it, dragging the screen down to scroll through missed notifications. āWho?ā
āThe double texter.ā
Thereās the typical ones youād expect, some Outlook emails about irrelevant study tips, some random Twitter notifications from the many inactive accounts youāve abandoned but never bothered logging out of, and miscellaneous app alerts you swipe away without reading. Buried beneath them though, is the familiar little red icon from that forum app you absolutely should have deleted months ago, a fresh reply sitting under the thread thatās been irritating you all week.
Your mouth tightens and you swipe it away before you can be sucked away into the ragebait.
āY/N?ā
āHm?ā You look up, realising Shoko is still waiting for a response. āOh, no. This is⦠a guy from Hinge.ā
The hesitation isnāt lost on her but she gives you grace and doesnāt press for the truth. āRight. Just be careful, alright? I donāt know what is going on in this city anymore but thereās been way too many incidents on the news about people going missing. You know itās bad when all the news channels are all suddenly interviewing men in tight spandex suits.ā
You snort, tucking your phone away to finish clocking out of your shift. āāMenā like thereās multiple. You mean that one spider guy, right? His superhero name is uncreative as hell.ā
āHe shoots webs from his wrists and climbs walls, what else would he call himself?ā
āAnything but the first thing a five year old could come up with. Thatās like pointing to a man who can fly and calling him Flying Man.ā
Shoko locks the cafe doors behind, the metal click satisfying after a long shift. She gives the handle two firm tugs just to be sure because the city is a mess apparently, then steps back so she can flip the sign to CLOSED, the glass catching a smear of gold from the streetlights outside.
āSuperhero names are hardly creative these days.ā
āWeāre losing the ancient texts.ā
By now, evening has settled in properly, the campus washed in that dusky blue-orange light that makes everything look prettier than it is. You stop to take a few photos of the sunset, then slip your phone away and breathe in the cool breeze as Shoko falls into step beside you, the two of you cutting across campus out toward the busier street.
āWhat ancient texts? Thereās literally someone called Superman because heās super.ā
You roll your eyes. āThat is so not helping your case.ā
āIt is helping my case because it proves people like straightforward names. Also, it helps with making merch.ā
āHow can you be so confident and be so wrong?ā
Shoko bumps your shoulder lightly as you walk, enough to make you sway half a step before you right yourself and return the gesture.
Cars hiss past at the intersection ahead, headlights briefly washing over the footpath. Somewhere behind you, someone shouts a name across the road and is followed by a burst of noisy laughter. Thereās a kind of peace at this twilight, a sense of calm that feels despairing.
āAre you sure you donāt want a lift?ā Shoko asks as you both slow to a step, effectively dragging you out of a potential spiral. āI canāt imagine the bus being your favourite form of transport.ā
You blink at her before shaking your head, reorganising your thoughts. āItās fine. Besides, I know you have that thing with Utahime later.ā
āItās not a thing. Weāre just going to a jazz bar.ā
āSure, okay. But just the two of you.ā
āWe did invite you,ā Shoko reminds you with an unimpressed look. āYouāre the one that declined.ā
āI wasnāt going to third wheel again.ā
āUtahime would kill you for saying that.ā
āIād be more worried that sheād kill herself if she found out youāre not labelling it as a date.ā
Shoko kicks a loose rock on the pavement, avoiding your eyes. āThatās because itās not a date. Itās a jazz bar outing.ā
āJazz is like, inherently romantic. Havenāt you heard āCareless Whispersā?ā
āThatās the dumbest thing youāve said all day. āCareless Whispersā is about a man cheating,ā
āWait, are you serious?ā You shake your head to dispel the song from playing in your mind, reining in the conversation before she can successfully deflect. āAnd I doubt thatās the dumbest thing Iāve said all day. I think Iāve had some better bangers.ā
āTrue, the dumbest thing that left your mouth was probably Gojo. You know, for someone who claims to hate him, you sure do talk about Gojo a lot. Donāt groan at me, Iām just saying.ā
āIām complaining about him. That has to be different.ā
Shoko tilts her head, studying you up and down as she considers your words. She ends her evaluation with a hum. āI donāt know, people usually donāt spend that much time thinking about someone they actually donāt care about.ā
The implications are so frankly absurd the only thing you can do is wish her well. āIām going to kill you.ā
She raises her hands in surrender, already backing away in the direction of the parking lot.āAnyway! Thereās no reason to complain about him anymore. Live a little!ā
āPlease,ā you scoff. āLike Iād ever willingly think about Gojo ever again. You donāt need to tell me that.ā
She laughs softly, catching the words just before they disappear with the wind. You watch her back for a few seconds longer before blinking out of your thoughts. For some reason, the sound follows you all the way to the bus stop.
Realistically, Shokoās words have some truth to them. It is rather easy to forget all about Gojo and his crimes against humanity (you) when you donāt see him over the two-week break. Instead, you go to concerts with Utahime, visit art museums with Nanami and gossip and giggle over brunch with Shoko.
There's a peaceful monotony as days blend into each other, until one morning when your alarm rings at an hour once familiar to you and you get up to start another semester.
Checking your timetable one more time, you sigh at your misfortune. It was inevitable that your courses wouldnāt always align with the rest of your friends. In fact, it was a miracle that you even had classes with Shoko last semester considering she wasnāt even doing the same degree. You shouldnāt be too disappointed after all, when you posted a story asking if anyone else was taking this course, a few people you vaguely recognised had swiped up. They're mostly acquaintances, people youāve met once from parties and events, but itās miles better than being alone.
You double-check the lecture hall number one last time outside the building, hoping the extra second will magically give you the cure to the brewing headache at your temples, before you finally push open the door.
The buzz of conversation hits you immediately. Rows of students fill the lecture hall, voices overlapping as people reunite after the break, bags dropping onto chairs and laptops snapping open performatively. A few heads turn when you walk in, not unusual unfortunately, but you pretend not to notice, adjusting the strap of your tote as you scan the room.
You spot some familiar faces sitting toward the back, relief loosening the tight knot in your chest as you begin to climb the steps.
The smile on your face drops the moment your eyes driftāthose traitorous thingsāto the front row.
Gojo slouches in his seat, the tiny fold-out table already pulled out in front of him, bag resting on top. Heās the only one sitting front row and centre, and considering how immersed he is with his phone, you doubt he has any plans to share the space with anyone else. He causally lifts his glasses with his finger in a way you thought perfectly suits his pretentious personality.
His hood is thrown over his head, feet stretching out in front of him. One of his hoodie strings is kept between his lips as he absentmindedly chews at it, so relaxed, so casual, so oblivious to the world ending around you.
You freeze.
Someone tries to enter the hall and almost bumps into you, and itās this near collision that finally jolts you into motion. Your instincts kick in and you hastily duck your head, climbing up the stairs where your friends are waiting.
Nobara waves you closer, tucking her feet closer to her chest to let you into the row. āHey, Y/N! It's been a while.ā
āHey,ā you say, hoping it comes off casual and not dripped in fear. āYeah, I didnāt think you were doing this course too. What a coincidence. Hey, can you give me a second?"
When you sink into your chair, you whip out your phone and frantically type away.
you: no fucking way
im going to kill myself
shoko: ik u have some crazy attachment issues but uāll get over it i promise
utahime: aww i think its cute u miss us so much if not a little pathetic
you: i dont give a gaf about that anymore
u wouldnt believe who else is taking this course
shoko: weāre not the fucking akinator guy y/n
utahime: i could be if u gave me more hints
guy or girl?
are they a youtuber?
you: itās gojo
utahime: wtf spoilers??
wait gojo oh my god LMAOO
shoko: oh ure definitely gonna tweak
Your eyes only tear away from Gojo when the lecturer enters the room and when the door closes behind him, you feel the sudden, irrational urge to bolt for the exit. Because was it just your imagination or was there a sense of finality to that door slam? Gojo was meant to be a nightmare for one semester, a pain in the ass for one chapter of your life and yet here he is, the back of his head just as infuriating as the front.
āWelcome to neuropharmacology3211.ā When the lecturer begins the lesson, you watch as Gojo barely sits up to listen. āIāll pass along the attendance sheet now. Just for everyoneās sanity I need to let you know that these lectures arenāt compulsory, however we do encourage you to attend.ā
You panic. An attendance sheet. With your name on it. For all to see.
You watch in despair as it begins its slow journey across your side of the lecture hall. Mournfully, you tick off your name with Nobaraās pen and pass the paper along, trying not to imagine the inevitable moment it reaches the front row.
Around and around it goes until it stops at the last person, the only person sitting in the front row on the left side of the hall.
Gojo absentmindedly spins his pen, flipping the paper to the other side when he canāt find his name. He runs a finger down the list as the lecturer drones though you doubt either you or Gojo are actually paying attention.
From this distance you canāt make out his subtle movements but at one point, he stops spinning his pen and looks up, glancing briefly around the room.
You immediately duck down, finding something immensely interesting about your laptop. You donāt look up until Nobara elbows you gently and asks if you need any ibuprofen. You shake your head, daring to cautiously peek over the edge of your laptop.
Gojo continues to face the front and you let out a small sigh of relief, straightening just enough to give off your best impression of someone who has been paying attention the entire time.
It's the usual mandatory assessment outline, a rundown on everything that actually mattered in the course: midterms, finals, biweekly quizzes. You mindlessly add the dates to your calendar until the professor highlights the missing 20% of the final grade.
āAnd finally, there is a pair presentation due in week 7.ā Your eyes twitch and you cast your gaze back to the front. āThe details of the assessment will be explained during this weekās lab so ask your questions then.ā
A group project. Even worse, in pairs. Your eyes slide instinctively toward Gojo and the dread in your stomach collapses in on itself, condensing into something dense and horrible.
āYour pair and topic will be emailed to you later today.ā The professor continues and when groans echo across the room, they only chuckle, undeterred. āDiversity is good for group work. Your colleagues wonāt always be your friend.ā
You glance around the room. How many people were in this class? Many, so many. What are the chances you get paired with Gojo? Slim, at least you hope so.
The moment the lecture ends, you shove your laptop into your bag, and flash Nobara an apologetic smile as you book it for the door. You keep your head down, both hands clutching your tote as it digs into your shoulder while you weave through the crowd spilling into the aisle.
Freedom appears as a bright light before you, and you almost think youāre safe whenā
āNo way.ā
Your pace stutters and against every instinct in your body screaming at you to keep walking, you freeze.
āY/N?ā
Someone knocks into your shoulder on the way out and before you can use the momentum to slip out with the rest of the crowd, a hand grabs your arm and pulls you to the side.
You glare up at Gojoās stupid face. He peers down at you, all ego and cocky exterior, like heās discovered something entertaining. He sniffles, rubs his nose and pushes up his glasses all in one making you grimace at his apparent lack of hygiene.
āGod, why did it have to be you?ā you grumble, more to yourself than him. You shake off his hold, pressing your arm to your side to prevent any further contact. āDonāt touch me.ā
āI knew I saw your name on the attendance sheet.ā He smirks down at you, taking in the familiar sight of your frown. āCome on, smile a little. Youāre making it look like I'm extorting you.ā
āDon't talk to me like weāre familiar, Gojo.ā
āArenāt we?ā
āWe aren't.ā
āWe talk though.ā
āYou talk, I try my best to ignore you.ā
āWe have mutual friends.ā He points out next as if this hasnāt been the sole reason for your pain and suffering. God bless Shokoās kind, patient heart for putting up with him, but if you had to see his face at another outing you might decide to wrap your fingers around your neck and squeeze instead of staying.
āUnfortunately.ā
His lips only curl into that irritating and carefree smile, worse when you decide begrudgingly that it could also pass as charming. Any potential compliment dies immediately when he speaks again.
āWhat crawled up your ass and died?ā
āDonāt talk about my ass.ā
āCome on, are you still being a sore loser over finals? You had two whole weeks to get over that.ā
That gets you. You exhale sharply, eyes narrowing dangerously as you lean forward to poke at his chest.
āFirst of all,ā you begin, āI am not being a sore loser over finals. The one making a big deal of things is you so if youāre trying to get my attention, there are far less tedious ways.ā
His eyebrows shoot up. āYou think I'm trying to get your attention?ā
āIs there another reason why you wonāt leave me alone, Gojo?ā You sigh like itās the most obvious thing. āLook, youāre not my type and thatās okay. Not everyone can be. But seriously, sticking to me like an annoying bug isnāt going to fix that. If anything, it worsens your chances, not that you had any to begin with.ā
He waits and when you only seethe, he prompts you, āAnd?ā
You blink, temporarily off guard. āThatās it.ā
āThen why did you start withāfirst of allā?ā
Your eyes narrow. āItās like talking to a genie with some of you people.ā
His grin is too easy, too casual as if you werenāt fighting for your life to restrain from murdering him, as if he isnāt standing between you and your only exit from this hell.
āHey, I just wanted to clarify,ā he says, raising his hands up in a gesture of surrender that only grinds your gears further. āNo need to get so pissy. Itās not a good look on you.ā
You grit your teeth. āNo defense for the allegations though, I see.ā
Gojo looks around with a hum, eyes doing a lazy sweep of the emptying lecture hall, hands lowering slightly. āYouād think after all this time, youād finally get the hint.ā
He casts his gaze back to you expectantly, failing to elaborate on his cryptic message and you take a moment to think.
There were many things he isnāt exactly subtle about:Ā
flaunting his academic prowess
how much he seems to thrive off your annoyance
You pick the second. āWhat, that you get off to a pretty woman telling you to kill yourself?ā
He presses his lips together, as if giving it serious thought. Your face immediately twists into something that can only be described as a grimace, and he laughs.
āDo you usually spend a lot of time thinking about what gets me off?ā
āDo you always have to ask me stupid questions?ā
āOnly because you always find a way to make the answers fun.ā
āI'm telling you this now, Gojo. Youāve outgrown the age where teasing the girl you like works,ā you shoot back with a snarl, unable to hide your frustration.
For a moment, something in his expression shifts.
Gojoās eyes drop and you feel his gaze burn down your neck and drag from your top to your shoes. You canāt help but shiver at the intensity of his stare and maybe he notices because he scoffs, looking away. āThat hurts my reputation. Youāre not my type.ā
Your eye twitches. āBat for the other team, do you?ā
āHow egotistical. You think just because a guy doesnāt like you he must be gay?ā
āWell, thereās definitely a higher likelihood."
āYou must have tested that with a small sample size because that doesnāt sound statistically significant.ā
You roll your eyes, shifting your weight to edge closer to the door. āOf course you canāt help but be a fucking nerd about everything."
āWhining doesnāt exactly help your side of the argument."
āNo, but it might stop me from reaching over and punting your head in.ā
Gojo whistles low, the noise sharper now that most students have left. āAre you purposefully testing me? I thought we established that I liked girls who keep me on my toes.ā
You wrinkle your nose. āThereās a difference between keeping someone on their toes and wanting to throttle them.ā
āYou better be careful because it's a thinner line than most for me.ā
āYou are disgusting.ā
āThat doesnāt explain why you keep talking to me, though.ā
āLike I have a choice. Youāre the one who grabbed my arm. If I miss my bus because of you doing whatever this is with me, I will put you in the ground.ā
āYouāre still here though.ā
You sigh, exasperated. āBecause youāre standing in the fucking doorway, you idiot.ā
āOh,ā he says,Ā but makes absolutely no move to step aside.
You inhale slowly through your nose, channeling a calm you most certainly do not feel. āMove.ā
āSay please.ā
Your smile turns dangerously sweet. āI said move.ā
āStill not hearing the magic word.ā
You give up, sensing youāll only continue to lose. Before you can suck it up and brush past him, dreading even the brief contact of his shoulder against yours, he steps closer. His gaze flutters down for a moment, something foreign passing over his face as he clears his throat.
It makes your heart seize at how unfamiliar he looks, though that fades quickly when his eyes snap back up, that irritating grin firmly in place.
āActually, I was thinking. Are you free thisāā Before he can finish, a loud tune sounds from his pocket and he groans, abandoning his words to pull out his phone. The smile that had been on his face scrunches up, and he absentmindedly types a response with one hand before looking back up at you. āMy bad. I was going say if youāreāā
But in the few seconds his attention is elsewhere, youāve already bolted.
āHey, wait!ā His voice chases after you and you press on, echoing faintly against the tiled floors as you round the corner at a pace thatās just shy of running. āIām going to count this as my win if you run away from me!ā
You jam your airpods into your ears with unnecessary force, scrolling blindly until music floods your head and drowns him out completely.
If the world was going to convince you it wasnāt about to end, it better start looking up for you soon.
Unfortunately, the world really doesnāt give a shit about what you think because your karmic debt piles high.
Shoko had abandoned you in your time of need, leaving you to tackle the shift alone. You close the cafe door behind you, turning the key so that the handle doesnāt rattle under your palm, and sniff when the cold air immediately bites at your face. Your scarf comes up instinctively, burying your nose and mouth as a harsh wind cuts through the street now that youāre no longer protected by the warmth of the cafe.
What a long day.
You clutch your scarf as it flutters wildly until the wind settles, the evening air growing still enough that it stops stinging your cheeks.
Nothing particularly bad had even happened today.
It wasnāt overly busy though it was far from quiet. You even managed to pass the long hours when some old friends showed up, though the conversation had only lasted as long as it took to make their coffee.
But when itās still or in the moments when you wait for a customerās order, you feel something unpleasant settle in. The air feels too stale, time clicking by too slowly and the sensation of the ground moving beneath is unnerving. Your eyes refuse to move at times and you find yourself zoning out at nothing, hands moving in autopilot as you make drink after drink after drink, the repetition slowly pulling you apart one seam at a time.
Your feet find their way to the bus stop and you breathe out slowly, mist curling into the cold evening air as you look up to watch it dissipate.
How freeing would it be to be up there? The wind in your hair, biting cold against your nose and the tips of your ears, the rush of air in your lungs, and that terrifying exhilaration that comes from rising and falling and rising again. You imagine being weightless, being untouchable, being above it all and finally free.
You shake that nonsense thought away.
Itās just one of those bad days.
The bus pulls up, blowing exhaust and humid air, and youāve only just placed a foot onto the bus when a loud crash sounds to your left.
You look over just as something flies past and slams into the bus stop, the metal denting under the immense weight. Itās not your finest moment but you duck, covering your head, and let out a scream as the loud noise deafens you.
The bus drives off in the chaos, certainly breaking several traffic laws, and you curse the driver when you realise youāve been abandoned.
Peeking an eye open as the dust settles, you lower your arms and come face to face with the heavy object that had slammed against the stand.
Slowly, you ask, ā...Spiderman?ā
The blue and white figure coughs, hitting his chest with his fist. āYou called?ā
Spiderman looks up and freezes. It might be your imagination but he looks even more winded when his eyes lock on yours. Actually, youāre certain itās your imagination because his mask completely obscures his facial expressions, save for the slight widening of the white parts indicating his eyes.
You crawl forward a little. āShit, you went down hard. Do you have a concussion?ā
The superhero runs a battered hand down his face, stopping only when it slides down to cover his mouth,Ā and lets out a muffled groan. āYou have got to be fucking kidding.ā
You blink. āExcuse me?ā
Before he can say anything else, a wet, splintering crack sounds from across the street.
You look over your shoulder as he tilts to look around you. A man staggers out of gate five beside the university-run pharmacy, though stagger might be too human a word for it. Something black and shining writhes over his body, swallowing him from the neck down like spilled tar, except tar doesnāt pulse. It stretches over his arms in twitching strands and thickens into jagged unnatural muscle, back hunching with a sickening pop as he lurches forward.
You rub your eyes and stare again.
āI know the feeling,ā Spiderman says, pushing himself upright with a wince. āThatās my exact review too.ā
The thingās head jerks in your direction.
Spiderman notices before you do, wringing out his hands and doing some jumping jacks on the spot. āAnd thatās my cue to ask you very calmly to start running.ā
When the thing charges at you, thereās no time to pretend to be composed. You let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a shriek and fling yourself backward as the thing barrels forward. A web shoots from behind you and lands on the bus stop-frame, yanking Spiderman into its path just in time to take the hit instead.
He gets absolutely bodied.
āJesus Christ,ā you blurt as he falls back further down the road.
Spiderman slings to grab onto a nearby, and luckily deserted car, and slams it into the side of the villain, picking himself up in the few seconds he has to breathe when the figure crashes into a nearby building.
āI know,ā he wheezes, dusting off his suit. āEveryone says that when they see me. Iām basically the second coming of that guy.ā
āAre you okay? Do you need⦠backup?ā You look around at the site. Cars have started swerving and backing away to avoid the scene and bystanders are ducked somewhere safe. You alone remain inside the heavily damaged bus stop a few metres from where the figure is now pulling itself onto his feet.
Realistically, you should do the smart thing and hide, too. But one feeble attempt to get on your feet tells you what you already know; that youāve managed to fuck up your ankle in your panic.
Spiderman has his hands thrown up. āWhy are you not running? I told you to run.ā
āWhy are you losing?ā
āIām not losing,ā he snaps, affronted. āAre you always this difficult? Listen to the cityās superhero and get out of here.ā
āIf this is my superhero, then Iām already cooked.ā
The creature roars and charges again, much alike a bull seeing red and youāre the unfortunate sole on the ground in its path.
Spiderman seems to have enough sense to conclude thereās something wrong with your body and not your head as he swears, shooting two webs in quick succession, one to a traffic light pole and the other to the creatureās arm, trying to stabilise himself to swing the heavy villain sideways. It works for maybe half a second before the pole lifts off the ground and Spiderman sighs before being the one flung away.
You watch as Spiderman hits the ground hard, again. Thankfully, itās enough distraction for the figure to leave you alone but you can only grimace especially when he picks himself up.
Spiderman pushes up on one knee, clearly trying to buy time, and calls, āHey, big guy, quick question before you maul me. Is this like, a skincare thing? Because I think whatever routine youāre on is clogging your pores. Thereās a pharmacy right over there. Want me to get you some pimple patches?ā
The figure ignores his provocation by charging forward again and itās you that looks back over your shoulder at the pharmacy. Frankly put, your trust in the masked vigilante is at an all time low and if thereās any chance of living beyond this encounter, you need to do something.
Despite the throbbing pain in your ankle, you pull yourself up against the dented wall of the bus stop and edge closer to the campus. Then, you break into a valiant attempt at a sprint.
āThatās it, get out of here!ā he calls out after you.
You grit your teeth both from the pain and general annoyance. āIām not running!ā
āWhat the hell are you doing then?ā
āSomething useful, unlike you!ā
Spiderman finally looks up from wrangling with the figure. āHuh?ā
You manage to limp to the pharmacy and wrench its fire extinguisher free from its bracket, using more effort than expected especially as youāre already winded and nearly fumble with the weight of it. You spin back around just as the creature grabs Spiderman by the throat and slams him into the side of the bus stop again. You hobble back to the scene with a sympathetic wince.
My God, the thing is already gone, leave it alone.
The figure looms over the fallen superhero, the goo oozing off solidifying into a slimy tendril that sharpens. It slides along Spidermanās jaw and tilts his head up, cutting right through the fabric of his mask before stopping at his throat.
The figure opens its mouth as if to say something but is cut off when you yank the pin with shaking hands. For a moment, nothing happens and youāre all about ready to apologise and excuse yourself from the scene when the extinguisher goes off in a violent burst of white foam that manages to encapsulate the figure despite the distance.
The black mass recoils with a horrible screech, the sound sharp and inhuman, like nails scratching against metal. It peels back in frantic, rippling waves, twitching and writhing away from the spray. The man underneath the goo drops to one knee, gasping as his eyes roll back down from the back of his head, and shudders before collapsing on the ground.
What remains of the gunk ripples along the pavement before slithering down a gutter and leaving nothing behind, almost as if nothing had ever happened. If not for the battered bus stop and the hole in the wall.
You lower the extinguisher slowly, breathless. āMaybe I should give this superhero thing a shot.ā
āNah, I donāt think you have the guts for it.ā
Before you can even turn properly to defend your case, strong arms hook around you and the ground disappears.
The sound that leaves you is less scream and more pure, humiliated terror as gravity tilts sideways. You catch a flash of white, the sharp snap of a web latching somewhere high above, and then heās hauling you up with it, body lifting clean off the pavement.
āWaitāā
The city drops out beneath you in dizzying blurs of orange streetlights and rooftops, your stomach left somewhere back by the ruined bus stop. Spiderman carries you like you weigh nothing, one arm locked securely around your waist whilst the other shoots webs with impossible precision, each swing smooth despite the fact that he had been getting his ass kicked mere seconds ago. Wind tears at your scarf and shoves tears from your eyes.
You clutch at him with both hands āHold on, we need to go back and help that guy!ā
āIām a superhero, not a paramedic!ā Spiderman calls back, voice steady despite the speed. āHeāll be fine, help is already on the way. But thereās an unconscious guy on the ground, a destroyed bus stop, at least six insurance claims, and Iām pretty sure your bus abandoned you ages ago. You cannot stay there.ā
āAnd thatās the reason why Iām up here?ā
āSuperhero, my ass,ā he might have said but your attention is pulled in far too many directions to be sure.
You make the fatal mistake of looking down. The road below is a smear of headlights and moving colour, terrifyingly far away.
āOh my God,ā you gasp, squeezing your eyes shut again. āThis is how I die. Iām going to become roadkill. Iām going to go splat.ā
āThat is so hurtful after I literally just rescued you.ā
āI would still be grateful if you had left it there.ā
His laugh is snatched by the wind, warm and infuriating and entirely too amused for someone who had looked so pathetic sprawled out on the ground. He adjusts his grip slightly when your fingers knot tighter in the front of his suit, and if he notices how hard youāre shaking, he has the decency to not make anymore comments, swinging you both up in a smooth arc.
āOkay,ā he relents. āDeep breaths, Iām not actually going to drop you.ā
You give your most valiant attempt of a snort. āTelling me to breathe deeply as Iām not already trying.ā
āWould you prefer shallow, panicked ones then?ā
āI would prefer to be on the ground!ā
āYour wish is my command.ā
After another swing and a sharp turn that nearly rips your soul from your body, Spiderman descends toward the quieter edge of campus and lands in a narrow pedestrian lane beside the university security office. Itās bright here, washed in fluorescent light, and close enough to the main road that you can already hear the traffic and voices navigating the post-chaos.
The second your shoes touch concrete, your knees threaten to fold. You grab his arm on instinct, digging your fingers in as you glance at him. āYou do that every day?ā
You can almost hear the smugness in his voice, and something else. āItās basically my 9-5.ā
Itās most definitely just your imagination but you feel as though his gaze softens, looking at you trembling like a newborn bird. He watches as you regain sensation in your legs though your hand remains on his arm. He doesnāt make any move to remove it.
A baffled laugh escapes you, more air than sound. āI canāt believe Iām still alive.ā
āDo you need to sit down?ā
You shake your head softly. āIām fine⦠thank you for saving me, Spiderman.ā
āI should be thanking you. I was getting my ass kicked out there.ā
āI know, I saw.ā
He tilts his head. āI thought you were thankful?ā
āBoth those things can be true at the same time.ā Then, you go on your tippy toes and press a soft kiss to his cheek. āBut Iām definitely very thankful.āĀ
You feel the superhero stiffen under your touch and the white fabric of his mask widens before he jerks slightly backward, free hand flying up to hover over where you kissed. āDid you justāā
Thereās something about the tone of his voice, pitched higher now in surprise, that has you blinking. āYou soundā¦ā
If you werenāt sure about his tension before, he most definitely freezes now, his hand pulling back down to rest over your hand on his arm and pull it off. āOh, uhāyou should head back, injured and stupid civilian. I know the people in the office. They should be able to get you home.ā
āNo wait, hold on.ā You narrow your eyes, taking a step forward that he immediately responds to by stepping back. āDo I know you?ā
He points at himself, backing away slowly. āMe? You might have seen me on the news or seen one of my promotional posters.ā
āNo, because you were weird the second you saw me.ā
āI was bleeding out and on the verge of death,ā he says. āLetās not pathologise me.ā
āYou looked right at me and said something like, āyou have got to be fucking kiddingā.ā
He tilts his head and takes another step back. āDid I say that? Hm, no, not ringing any bells. Your ankle is injured, maybe stop walking towards me. Youāre freaking me out and I donāt do well with girls.ā
You open your mouth to say more when he suddenly points at something over your shoulder. āOh shit, is that a bird? A plane?ā
You turn instinctively. There is no one there, of course, but itās a realisation seconds too late. Because by the time you whip back around, heās already two steps away, web fired high above, body coiled to launch.
āOh, you assholeāā
āGet home safe!ā he calls, voice cheerful in a way that irks you.
āWaitāā
He shoots upward before the word can properly leave your mouth. You hobble forward, outrage momentarily stronger than the pain in your ankle.
āYou canāt just dump me here and leave!ā you yell after him. āIām literally injured! Jerk!ā
āMaāam, can we help you?ā
You freeze and your shoulder slump even as you turn around. The staff inside the office have stepped out hearing all the commotion and you realised Spiderman can definitely leave an injured civilian here. Curse his fast thinking and kind heart.
You freeze and your shoulder slump even as you turn around. The staff inside the office have stepped out hearing all the commotion and you realised Spiderman can definitely leave an injured civilian here. Curse his fast thinking and kind heart.
Itās only when the sun has lowered into a splash of pink and orange in the sky that you finish tolerating the endless questioning from both the security office staff and the police. Thankfully, theyāre kind enough to drive you back to your apartment though youāre slightly annoyed the rest of the day had been wasted on telling them āI donāt knowā over and over again.
The moment you step back into your room, your phone buzzes with multiple notifications. Thereās an Outlook email from your neuropharmacology course and three texts from an unknown number.
unknown: looks like you lucked out and weāre partners
itās gojo btw
lets meet tomorrow @ uni library
And because you genuinely cannot feel even worse than you already do, you turn your face to bury into your pillow and groan.Ā
You donāt end up confirming Gojoās plans until halfway through your morning tutorial the next day when he double texts.
DO NOT ANSWER: ?
donāt leave me on read
you can hate me all u want but the project is worth 20% yk!!!!!!
you: ok
time?
DO NOT ANSWER: ohhh so now u respond huh
id hate to think im forgettable
you: time
DO NOT ANSWER: (ā„ļ¹ā„)
iāll get on campus at 12 ish so like in ten minutes
You push the thought that as a grown man, he really shouldnāt be texting like that away, and flip your phone back down on the table just as the class ends.
āWant to check out this new bingsu place near the station?ā Utahime chatters as she shoves her iPad into her tote and picks up her coffee, watching you follow behind albeit slower with dread. āThey have this new Thai tea bingsu and it looks crazy good. Shoko swears by it butāand you canāt tell her I said thisāitās crazy that she went out for lunch without us. Does she not fuck with us anymore? Who did she even go with?ā
You smile wistfully at her. āI wish I could, Utahime, but I already have plans after this.ā
āWhat the fuck, et tu?ā She processes your words with a frown. āDid you take on a shift today? I thought you only had this one class today.ā
āNo, itās even worse. I need to lock in for my neuropharmacology assessment.ā
She pauses, cup halfway to her mouth before her lips split into a wide grin. āOh my God. With Gojo?ā
You groan, zipping your bag with more force than necessary. You sling it over your shoulder and try to hurry away from her, but itās too late and she follows quickly after.
āDonāt remind me.ā
āYouāre choosing to hang out with Gojo over me?ā Her voice peaks at the end, and you hate how happy she looks at the thought of you ditching her.
āThis isnāt a choice I want to make at all so donāt say it like that. And donāt look so happy, freak.ā
āOh, this is rich. You were bitching about him all of last semester and now youāre choosing him over me?ā Utahime giggles, pulling out her phone with her free hand. āShoko is going to love this.ā
You raise an eyebrow, catching the opening. āI thought you were mad at her for getting lunch without you? Youāre so fickle.ā
She hums absentmindedly, already outing your situation to the group chat, no doubt. āOur friendship runs deeper than one betrayal.ā
You grin as you approach the library stairs, looking back over your shoulder. āFriendship, huh?ā
She whips her head up at you, eyes flickering down to her cup where the red words written across the side spells out a cute reminder to have a good day. A flush creeps up her face. āWhat? Donāt say that like itās something to point out! We are friends!ā
āI didnāt even say anything!ā
āYouāre giving me that look again. Iām not a blind masochist, Y/N. I can tell when you have something to say, and Iām not taking it lying down.ā
āYouāre just lucky I havenāt said a word to Shoko yet.ā
Utahime grumbles, crossing her arms. āIf you do, Iāll kill myself.ā
You laugh, glad to get the last word. āIāll see you later, Utahime. Go say hi to Shoko for me!ā
āI will see Shoko, but only to tell her that.ā
āSure,ā you say, and enter the building.
The library is busy, bustling with students as they lean over textbooks and clack away at their laptops. Itās not quite midterm season yet, so the fact that the library is so full should be concerning. With so many heads bent down, there is little chance youāll find Gojo.
You swallow your pride and pull out your phone.
you: iām here
where are you?
DO NOT ANSWER: not her eyet wa it
wait
smth came up
You frown. Heās the one who set the time and has the audacity to be late? Typical for someone as inconsiderate as him, you decide, and choose a table near the back of the library just so he can struggle to find you when he finally arrives.
You take out your laptop and start a new document, opening the tab for the marking rubric, the assessment notification, and some articles you found doing a quick search on PubMed. You even get around to dot-pointing one of them when someone dumps their bag on the table next to you.
You jump. āFuck.ā
āDid I scare you?ā
The voice alone is enough to make you freeze though you quickly snap out of it to glare up at the culprit. Gojo stands beside you, panting slightly, running a hand through his messy hair like itāll fix his disheveled appearance. The buttons of his shirt are mismatched and one side of his collar is tucked inward.
āHey,ā he greets with a lopsided smile.
āHow are you late when youāre the one who said to meet at twelve?ā
Gojo shrugs as if it isnāt a big deal and flops into the seat next to you. You had intended for him to sit across the table but you didnāt have the time to slip the words into the conversation before he starts talking.
āDidnāt I tell you? I had something to do. Did you read my texts with your eyes closed or something?ā
āIf you think I could have deciphered that from what you said, then youāre dumber than I thought. Did you run into an electric fence or something?ā
He smiles at you like your words had been an inside joke. āI told you after that part.ā
āDo you ever take anything seriously? This is worth twenty percent of our grade. You canāt just mess around and expect to still do well.ā
āCanāt I? Itās always worked before.ā
And because you donāt doubt that, it only serves to piss you off even more. He catches onto your scowl, smirk widening.
āRelax, youāll pop a blood vessel. We still have weeks to get this done so who cares?ā
You roll your eyes and force yourself to be satisfied with just that, turning back to to your laptop in an effort to calm down. āMe, obviously. Look, Iām only staying on campus until two, so letās just get this done quickly so we can both leave. Iām sure you donāt want to be here either so letās just be adults and get this over and done with.ā
You take a deep breath and prepare yourself to look back at him and point out what youāve already planned on the document but stop short when you find him already watching you.
You grimace and edge away slightly. āWhat?ā
āNothing.ā He shifts to pull out his laptop and then a wired mouse.
You eye the chunky device with disbelief, wondering if perhaps his bag is bigger on the inside than the outside and then at its corded pet. Itās only when he pulls out yet another accessory, a mouse pad, that you blurt, āDo you seriously carry a whole gaming laptop setup with you every day for class?ā
Gojo holds down the power button for a couple of seconds, the fans whirring to life and filling the library with insistent static.
āYeah, I love this thing. It can handle all my programs and I can play League on it too so whatās not to like? It can run Sims 4 and all my CCās without any lag, itās literally my baby.Ā Itās only right that I give it everything it needs in return.ā
You scrunch your nose. āYou play into the stereotype way too much.ā
āWhat stereotype?ā
āWhat else? The nerd stereotype.ā
He huffs, apparently offended. āIām not a nerd.ā
āArenāt you?ā You eye him up and down. āYou tick off all the boxes. The glasses, the smartass attitude, the gaming laptopāā
āYou wear glasses.ā He starts listing, holding out his hand to count.
āI wear contacts.ā
āBut you wear your glasses in the morning. For morning tutorials and lectures and stuff,ā he continues, undeterred. āYou carry yourself like youāre better than everyone elseāā
āI do notāā
āThough youāre probably too broke to buy a gaming laptop so I guess itās better to be a nerd than whatever you are.ā He finishes with a smug grin that makes you want to curl your fingers into a fist and throw that right into his pretty face.
āI donāt carry myself like Iām better than anyone,ā you decide to clear up.
He makes an unconvinced sound. āYou do.ā
āI donāt.ā You press your lips together and sigh, breaking the eye contact though not without effort. āStop trying to waste my time.ā
āYou found me out. āThrough the whirring of his laptop, you can make out his slight chuckle. He leans onto the table with his elbows, voice almost a childish whine. āLetās talk. Why do you hate me so much?ā
Your fingers stutter on your keyboard. Sucking in a deep breath, you turn your head and face him on. āāI donāt hate you. Obviously.
āObviously,ā he repeats, the curl of his lips an obvious indicator that he doesnāt believe you. āBut youāre always frowning when we talk.ā
āWe donāt talk,ā you emphasise again and against your attempt at nonchalance, your brows pinch together. āAnd I donāt hate you.ā
āRight? I havenāt even done anything to you.ā
Your eye twitches at that. You rein it in, rein in that explosive feeling in your chest as if another word from his mouth will send you spiralling. You know it will, as inevitable as the crash-out youāll be having to Shoko later at the cafe.
āGojo,ā you start calmly. āWe have four weeks to do this assessment and frankly, I still have a life to live outside this so letās just get this over and done with, okay?ā
He looks at you a little longer and you would have asked what exactly he was searching for on your face, but something tells you that opening this can of worms will only confuse you more so you only stare back.
āAlright,ā he says finally. āAdd me to the document.ā
You hit share and tilt your laptop towards him, watching as his long fingers dwarf your keyboard. He slides it back over and you nod, satisfied. āI already looked at some sources so you can just start off one of those.ā
Gojo glances back at his gaming laptop, clicking on the document. You watch as a new anonymous user hops onto the page: Anonymous Snow Leopard. Heās already typing away and when you click on the animal to find his cursor, heās finishing off a second sentence notably not under one of those articles you had found. You frown as you read.
āHold on.ā
He sighs, fingers pausing. āWhat now?ā
You point to your screen at where heās stopped typing. āYou canāt just say things like this without a source.ā
āIāll cite it later.ā
āThatās now how you research. Youāre meant to find an article first and then write your own interpretation afterwards based on it.ā
He waves his hand dismissively. āPotato, potahto.ā
āOkay, no. We are not doing this.ā
āSee, this is where your pretentiousness kicks in.ā
āWhat, because I know how to research properly?ā
āBecause youāre trying to control every little thing.ā
āIām not being controlling, This counts to my grade too so I have a say.ā
āAnd whereās my say?ā
āYouāre thinking too far, maybe focus on actually saying something useful first.ā
āSee? Pretentious.ā
āPot calling the kettle black.ā
āSo you admit it?ā
āMaybe, do you?ā
He leans in, sneering. āIāve gotten top marks doing it my way and Iām not going to change it now just because you have some inferiority complex over me.ā
You flush, leaning back. āWell, Iāve gotten high marks doing it my way! And I donāt have an inferiority complex, much less to you.ā
āThen you can use your method and Iāll use mine. We donāt have to collaborate any more than we need to.ā
You hate to admit that he might be right. Outwardly however, you grit your teeth and summon an inner peace. āGojo. Find an article before you start talking out of your ass.ā
He groans as if deeply inconvenienced and though the sound makes you tense as if he might spit out another remark, he only turns back to his laptop and clicks open a new tab with exaggeration.
āFine, fine. Geez. Youāre really annoying, you know that?ā he grumbles, slouching in his seat.
Youāre about to drop another snarky response when something on his screen catches your eye, a tab peeking out in a red tab folder titled self indulgent. You lean forward slightly, catching the title when his cursor flicks by. It seems like an impossible task to read the words in the split second when the pop-up shows, if you hadnāt been stunlocked on that tab yourself earlier that week.
hoping thereās a modification of kumamonās line, r/digimon.
āWait,ā you blurt, placing your hand on his arm.
He freezes under your touch, though you pay no attention to the sensation. āWhat?ā
āWas that a Digimon Reddit thread?ā
Gojo doesnāt say anything for a while, and you have to look over at him to check if he was paying attention. His shoulders seem visibly tense, eyes flickering to the tab and then over at you. āā¦No?ā
You donāt wait for permission, sliding your own laptop to the side to take a hold of his. He makes a brief noise of protest, hands coming up as if to stop you, but they pause right before touching. The hesitation gives you the chance to click on the tab.
The screen that loads confirms your suspicions. Your eyes widen, taking in the familiar Digimon forum, open to the exact post youāve spent the last week arguing in the comments. āYouāre in the Digimon subreddit?ā
āDonāt do this. You already give me enough shit about carrying a gaming laptop. Donāt ruin this nostalgia for me,ā he mutters, looking away, and you finally realise that his tense shoulders might be because heās bracing for an impact that isnāt coming. You find yourself, somewhat absently, marvelling at the sudden quietness of him. Maybe this is what people see when they talk about Gojo like heās the second coming of Jesus.
You laugh in disbelief.
He only stiffens more until you exclaim, āGojoverrated?ā
āLook, I made that username when I was twelve and it just stuck, alright? Iām sure your usernames at twelve were much worseāā
āSo it was you that wrote that stupid rant about Kumamonās evolution! It was like, a thousand words!ā
Gojo whips around to face you immediately. His eyes take you in, sweeping up and down your appearance as if trying to associate you with your words. āYou pronounced Kumamon right. You know about the post? You read it?ā
āAre you questioning my reading comprehension skills now?ā
āNo, Iāā he stutters, actually tripping over his words in front of you which only makes your smile widen. He clears his throat and tries again. āI just meantāyou read this?ā
āRead it? I responded to it, smartass.ā
Thereās a long pause, and you wait for recognition to dawn. He straightens slowly, eyes opening wide. āThereās no way. Youāre notāā
You beam. āIām Digimonlvr3000!āāSurprise aside, you should not be saying that username with so much pride.ā But then he stares at you like the ground beneath him has just fallen through. āBut shut up, thereās no fucking way.ā
āYou seriously hate the transition from Grizzmon to GrapLeomon?ā you start, elbows resting on the table as you lean in. The same banter falls from your lips, but you refuse to acknowledge how it lacks venom.
āYou canāt just go from a bear cub to a bear, and then to some mechanical lion-man, and then a unicorn-panther-headed half-nude dude.ā He blinks at you even as he talks, eyes still wide as he struggles to comprehend saying these words to someone other than Suguru, considering his best friend is the only person who would at least pretend to listen.
Gojo flinches like youāve insulted him personally, more than any of your actually hurtful insults have ever managed to make him flinch. āDonāt even joke, Y/N. Itās not a crime to like coherent evolution lines.ā
You shrug. āThe randomness makes it fun. Itās Digimonās whole brand.ā
āAnd yet, the most iconic Digimon evolution lines come from coherent ones. You know, ones that make sense and have a consistent visual theme from Rookie to Mega. There is nothing that ties Grizzmon to GrapLeomon.ā His lips quiver as he talks, eyes still wide, shock lingering. He canāt help letting his gaze sweep over you again and again. He thinks then that maybe the person who said never to judge a book by its cover had actually been onto something.
You raise a finger, drawing him out of his daze. āUm, actually, there is, though. The whole theme of grappling and fist-fighting? Does that ring a bell?ā
āThatās the same argument you used in your comments.ā
āThe same comment you have yet to respond to.ā You pause, thinking. āJust like right now, actually.ā
āYeah?ā he starts, and you know youāve got him again. He presses on regardless. āWell, youāre the one who made that post about disliking Rhinokabuterimon more than Daipenmon.ā
āAnd I stand by that.ā
āOh my god,ā he says slowly, taking you in. āYouāre worse in person.ā
āYour Kumamon rant got locked by a mod,ā you remind him. āSomehow that makes sense. Youāre as annoying online as you are in person.ā
āIt was locked for too many off-topic replies, which is partially your fault.ā
āI wasnāt going to let you have the last word.ā
āLast word, huh. Great segue toāā
āNo, donāt bring that up, stopāā
āāto your Digimon fanfiction account that you have linked in your bio.ā
You groan, long and low, covering your face with your hands. Warmth creeps up your neck, burning against your cheeks when you hear him laugh at your expense. You try to gather your dignity, peeking between your fingers to accuse him as you say, āHow would you know? Did you read them?ā
āOf course I did,ā he says without shame, and any thought of turning the tables back on him dissipates. He watches you suffer from embarrassment for only a second longer before resting his chin on his palm, leaning away as if to act casual. āSo. Do you play the TCG?ā he asks, despite the fact that he knows heās seen your username floating around in the Digimon TCG subreddit.
You pull your hands away with a start. āDo I play? Is the sky blue?ā
Gojoās lips quiver upward. āDuel me.ā
āOkay,ā you say quickly, too quickly, and you clear your throat in an effort to reset yourself. He doesnāt seem to notice, already digging through his bag for something. āOh, you meant right now.ā
He pauses, looking up. āYeah. Do you not have your deck?ā
āI donāt carry it on me, no.ā For some reason, the thought that he does brings a small smile to your face.
He visibly deflates, and a thought tries to enter your mind, though youāre not quite there just yet. Instead, you laugh softly. āNext time then,ā you say, enjoying the way his smile returns to his face. āWhat colour do you play, anyway?ā
āPurple, obviously.ā
You roll your eyes. āOf course youāre a purple player. You saw the post about how purple wins just about every big event in EX7, didnāt you? Let me guess. Leviamon?ā
āActually, I play DexDorugoramon. You?ā
You hum as if that makes complete sense. āI play yellow. Not for any particular reason, I just like the Digimon in the decks.ā
āYellow, huh? So youāre a feelscrafter.ā He bites back a goofy smile, but it shows.
āDonāt say that word like itās a slur.ā
āDo you even play the meta?ā
You scoff. āOf course I do. But playing good isnāt even fun anymore.ā
Gojo laughs, and from behind him, you catch a few students looking over with narrowed eyes. He pays them no mind, leaning in. āSee? Pretentious.ā
You lean forward too, reply on the ready, the only thing missing is the exact wording you want to use to shoot him down, when his phone goes off. Is this the second time now? Just how popular is this guy?
His gaze falters before he pulls back to wrestle his phone out of his pocket. Youāre left facing him, and you draw back too, clearing your throat as you turn to your laptop.
What the fuck was that?
Your fingers type gibberish into the document, then drag your finger across your trackpad to erase it only to type another string of incoherent letters and symbols. Your mind races through the conversation, noting the genuine joy in your voice, the amusement when Gojo responded just as enthusiastically. Thereās a warmth in your stomach thatās hard to get rid of.
What the fuck.
Youāre not eavesdropping. Thatās simply not what youāre doing. Though it isnāt your fault if you happen to hear Gojo as he talks into his phone, his voice low out of respect for the library but not so low that you canāt make out the conversation.
āAlright, yeah, I got it. Iām not, so donāt even start. God, shut the fuck up, Suguru. Iāll be over, give me ten minutes. Ten minutes. Yeah, probably, but youāre pissing me off, so Iāll be there in ten. Iām already doing you a favour, man, so quit it before I change my mind.ā You catch him rolling his eyes, his freakishly long eyelashes lifting and falling. āYou owe me.ā
Gojo hangs up and sighs, running a hand through his hair. āHey, sorry about that. I have to go.ā
You look up at him with a start. āGo? You just got here! Weāve only been working forā¦ā You glance down at the bottom right of your laptop screen. āAn hour and a half?ā
He grins, though itās small. āTime flies when youāre having fun.ā
āNeuropharmacology is hardly fun.ā
āNo, but the company is,ā he says, unplugging his mouse and rolling up his mouse pad. As he stuffs his enormous gaming laptop into whatever space remains in his bag, he continues, āIāll text you when Iām free next.ā
āWe hardly got anything done today,ā you find yourself saying. āNo thanks to your distraction.ā
āMine? You continued it. If you really cared, you would have told me to shut up.ā
āAs if you ever listen.ā
Itās far too easy to fall into a rhythm with him, you think begrudgingly. Heās grinning lazily, lifting his glasses with his knuckle and otherwise unmoving beside your table. You huff, turning back to your laptop.
This feeling, at least, is familiar and comforting. āWhatever, Gojo. Iāll do my part as long as you do yours.ā
He watches you for a second longer before taking a step back. āIāll text you.ā
You give him a half-hearted wave. Only when youāre positive enough time has elapsed for him to have cleared the building and maybe half the courtyard do you exhale, slumping in your chair. Your eyes flick to the library doors. No sign of white hair.
You tell yourself youāre pissed, that thatās what is currently sitting in your chest and the reason for your sudden restlessness. I mean, really, who arrives late to a meeting they scheduled and then leaves early?
Itās a Friday afternoon, and he has you losing your mind over reports and Digimon, of all things. You should be at a bar. Or at home, in pajamas, catching up on backlog episodes of that new trash reality TV youāve been binging, or having that bingsu Utahime mentioned earlier. What you should not find yourself doing is thinking about Gojo and how pretty his genuine smile is, especially when itās directed at you.
You scoff at your screen, type out a line, and then delete it.
What a joke.
academic freak: jumping on !! let me know if u can work on our project now :3
you: sorry I'm out rn
i can hop on at eight tonight though if youāre still free then?
academic freak: no worries
letās do a video call then >< (6:43pm)
You stare at his last text, have been staring at his last text ever since you left your friends, hovering your thumb over the screen, unsure. And now it was almost eight pm and you were still staring.
It's not like this is the first time youāve ever video called someone, and itās not like he matters, but something akin to nervousness settles in your stomach. He's just your annoyingly good-looking, annoyingly smart project partner. Shokoās childhood best friend. The guy that embarrassed you last semester. Nothing more.
Still, you keep blinking at the message, at the double exclamation marks and all his stupid emoticons.
academic freak: can i call u now?
You flinch when the typing bubble pops up but you fail to swipe out before the message is sent, and the read receipt lights up immediately.
academic freak: ?
waiting for me?
You groan aloud, running a hand down your face. Thereās no dignified way out of this, so with a sigh, you hit call. The screen rings once, twice, and you suddenly jump up, nervesāor whatever the hell you want to call itācausing you to sweat.
You should change, brush your hair maybe, fuck, you took out your contacts already. One time in third grade, someone said you looked different with glasses compared to without. What did that mean? Was the difference that extreme? Why couldnāt you see it? Would Gojo be able to tell?
Before you can answer any of those questions, your phone flickers to life.
āHey,ā Gojo says, grinning as his camera turns on. Heās a little too close at first, but after seeing your surprised face, he leans back and settles into view. His hair is slightly tousled, glasses perched low on his nose, the logo of the university peeking just into view on his jumper.
āHi.ā You clear your throat, adjusting your phone so it sits upright on your table. āI wasnāt waiting for your text, by the way. You just messaged me just as I was about to message you. Thatās all.ā
He raises an eyebrow, a knowing smile on his face. Thankfully, he doesnāt push. āSorry for ditching you earlier, but Iām here now.ā
You nod, opening your laptop on the table. As it hums to life, your eyes flick back over to your phone and trace what you can see inside his room. He has a lamp on, warm light washing over his face as he leans back into view, a lollipop in his hand, and thereās an assortment of plushies on his bed behind him. You narrow your eyes.
āIs that Agumon?ā
Gojo glances back, then shrugs like itās the most natural thing in the world. āHe guards my bed.ā
You stifle a laugh. āStill getting nightmares at your big age?ā
āDonāt tell me youāre too cool for plushies.ā He rolls his eyes, though his face quickly splits into a grin when you pull out your own plushie, placing it comfortably on your lap, its head peeking into frame. āThere we go. Thatās more like it.ā
His praise does things to you that you donāt dare put into words. You squeeze your plushie tight.
You busy yourself with opening the document, taking extra long to fiddle around with opening and closing random tabs. Itās hard to focus on one thing, you see, not when Gojo is staring at you unabashedly, cheek smushed against his hand like he has nowhere else to be.
You donāt look up right away, clicking through your email, Spotify, the university site, waiting for him to get bored and finally free you from his gaze, but he doesnāt.
Clearing your throat, you finally drag your gaze up to his face. āWe shouldāā you start, but cut yourself off. āWhat?ā
āHm?ā He blinks when your eyes meet.
āWhyāre you staring at me like that?ā
Gojo lets the silence drag on for a little longer until he chuckles, dropping his head to look down at his own laptop screen. āWho said I was looking at you?ā
You arch a brow, glancing over your shoulder, then around your room. āIs there someone else in the room with me now?ā
āAsk that question again when we have a Ouija board.ā He types something, and you watch the words pop up on your screen. āI was just thinking how different you are when youāre not on campus. Youāre quieter, for one. Less teeth-baring.ā
āIf you want me to insult you, you only have to ask.ā
He grins, eyes lazy with amusement. āSee? Even that lacks any bite.ā
āSays you. Iām surprised you havenāt made a comment on my glasses or something,ā you say, unwilling to be outdone.
āAnd what, your messy desk?ā
You shove your textbooks out of frame. āI knew it.ā
He shrugs offhandedly, returning his attention to his laptop. You follow his lead, blinking in surprise when he doesnāt continue with another snarky comment. Itās silent again for a while.
āIt suits you. You look nice with your hair tied back.ā
Your hands fly to the back of your head and close around your claw clip, mouth hanging open as you stare at him. Gojo keeps typing like he didnāt just casually compliment you, as if he hadnāt just thrown a curveball into your carefully built defences. You swallow hard, blinking as heat creeps into your cheeks.
āI⦠you look nice too?ā
You wince as soon as the words leave your mouth, though you canāt completely regret them, because theyāre what finally cause him to look up at you, his hands frozen over his keyboard. Then heās laughing, and you take back that last thought just as quickly.
āAlright, alright, letās just work on our project,ā you mumble, ducking your head. Heās still laughing, and you grit your teeth with effort. āIf you keep laughing, Iām going to hang up on you.ā
Gojoās laughter lingers, soft and amused, as he savours the heat on your face for a second longer before nodding. āIāll stop, I swear.ā His fingers return to the keyboard, but you catch the flicker of something like warmthāor maybe surpriseāin his eyes before he lowers his head too.
You take a breath and refocus on your document, with only the sounds of shuffling and keys clacking disturbing the space between the two of you. Every now and then, he asks a question about a point youāve made, or corrects something youāve written. His criticisms lack any heat, and you find yourself accepting his words without the usual spike in blood pressure.
Every now and then, his attention slips and he starts scrolling on Twitter in another tab, his snickering making you lift your head. Gojo immediately catches the movement and flips his laptop around to show you, letting you share a laugh with him.
He tells you about the Discord server he runs for hosting Digimon TCG games. You listen, asking for an invite when his voice quietens near the end, and the smile he beams at you makes your stomach flip.
You tell him about your hobbies, how youāve had to let go of piano because of your academic pursuits. He tells you he wants to hear a piece, your favourite piece to play, and you think for a moment that you might want to pick it up again.
At one point, light floods across the screen and you watch as he grumbles, lifting an arm to block the sudden brightness. A voice sounds through your phone speaker distantly, and you recognise it as Geto. You hadnāt realised they were roommates.
āYou free tonight, Satoru? Haibaraās having a get-together in a few hours. He asked me if you wanted to come along since you ditched halfway through theāoh.ā Getoās voice trails off, as if heās only just noticed Gojoās pinched expression. āYouāre on the phone to someone. Who? Let me see.ā
āItās none of your business!ā He throws you a frantic glance and you shrug. āAnd knock first!ā
āYou never knock.ā You hear the shuffle of someone entering the room. āAnd you have three friends, and Iām one of them. Is it Nanami? Shoko?ā
You hear Gojoās protests as something hits the phone and it swirls, landing face-up toward his ceiling. You notice he has light-up neon stars stuck haphazardly across it. Your heart squeezes. Cute.
Then a hand covers the screen and itās a blur of black and red.
āBack off, Suguru, Iām not going to Haibaraās partyāā
āIs that a girl?ā
āHey!ā
Thereās a whirl, and then you blink, biting your cheeks at the face suddenly staring back at you. Hesitantly, you raise a hand. āHey, Geto.ā
Geto stares at you for a second before laughing, a low melody that has you shifting nervously in your seat. āY/N? I didnāt know you and Satoru were so close. I always thought you two had this rivals thing going onāā
He doesnāt finish his sentence because Gojo snatches his phone back, and you watch a tilted view of the interaction.
āTell Haibara I wonāt be showing up.ā
āSomething more important to do, Satoru?ā
The world shifts again as Gojo flops back onto his bed, placing you upright on his table once more. He glances sideways at his roommate, directing his words at him even as his hands work to steady his phone. āItās not what you think. Weāre working on our group project. It canāt just evolve past Rookie stage on its own.ā
You watch as he shoots a quick glance at you, eyes searching as if to ask, Did you catch that?
You canāt help but grin a little, biting back a laugh.
āSure, thatās all. Iāll go tell Haibara youāll come to the next one.ā The light dims slightly and you assume Geto is closing the door. āYou owe me.ā
When the light finally fades, Gojo turns back to you with an apologetic smile. Youāre thrilled to see him glance at you, then away, his hands coming up to run through his hair, an uncharacteristic shyness that makes your heart squeeze again.
āSorry about that.ā
āNo, itās okay. You guys seem close.ā You absentmindedly rub at your chest, wondering if this is a sign of cardiovascular disease. āYou two dorm together?ā
āWe moved out together at the beginning of second year. He lived, like, three hours from campus and needed a roommate. He asked me and I said yes.ā
You rest your cheek on your palm, watching him through the small screen of your phone. āI never knew you two had so much history. I guess that makes sense, considering I never see you two apart.ā
āHey, itās not that bad.ā
āIsnāt it? Gojo and Geto, Geto and Gojo. Thereās even a name for you two. Goge, though I prefer Gego.ā
He frowns, brows pulled together. āThereās a difference?ā
āYeah,ā you say, and leave it at that, unwilling to explain the difference. Reading over his last few words, you highlight them with your cursor. āGojo, this doesnāt make sense. The rebuttal team will definitely have something to say about this.ā
Gojo huffs, and you watch as he backspaces the sentence. āYou know, I almost miss the days when you were comfortably mediocre. Now itās like Iām back to being ten years old and getting taught long division by my dad.ā
You snort, reaching for something to snap back with. Instead, you feel that sticky ball of unease in your stomach. Clearing your throat, you settle for, āWhat a universal experience.ā
He looks up at that. āWhat, not going to tell me to kill myself for comparing you to my dad?ā
āWas that an insult? Youāre losing your touch.ā
āSays you. You donāt even seem mad.ā He squints at you, and you wish your Wi-Fi would give out so he could count the pixels on his screen instead of the thoughts threatening to burst free. āYou okay?ā
You pause, bracing for the usual deflection to leap off your tongue. But thereās something about the way heās looking at you, something about the warmth wrapping around your shoulders, something about the brief glimpse into his private world that has you fidgeting to say something else.
You let out a thin laugh, eyes fixed on the words on your laptop screen. āGuess I didnāt really care for grades back then.ā
He snorts. āSeriously? And you still beat me on that quiz that one time? You make fun of me for being a prodigy, but I fear the call is coming from inside the house.ā
You donāt move. āIt was just luck.ā
āAnd all your nineties since then? That all luck too?ā
You shrug, but your mind screams the answer.
Gojo frowns, as if sensing that this goes deeper. āWhat is this really about, Y/N?ā
For once, youāre thankful for his directness. When he says it like that, you find that you canāt as easily hide behind an excuse. A part of you aches to be seen, to tell someone else something that might otherwise follow you to the grave. āItās nothing serious. I guess Iām just a little worried that Iām too late to be good at this for real.ā
His head tilts on-screen. āHuh?ā
Heat creeps up your neck. āYou know, neuroscience. I never cared about my classes until last semester because I never cared for science. But then I realised how much I liked neuroanatomy and I started trying, and it paid off. But weāre in our last year. I feel like Iāve wasted too much time.ā
When he doesnāt immediately say anything, you barrel on. āYouāve always beenā¦ā You gesture vaguely at him, still not meeting his eyes. āGood. Effortless. And Iām just now cramming to keep up. Like, whatās the point, you know? Maybe Iāll never catch up. Even if I do, itās too late for it to matter. Maybe thatās why I was always annoyed at you. I wish I started caring like you did way back in first year or whenever it was that you decided you knew what to do.ā
You try to laugh it off, but it comes out small and brittle.
Gojo doesnāt answer right away. His usual smirk is gone, replaced with something more thoughtful. Finally, he leans forward, chin resting on his palm.
āYou donāt give yourself enough credit. You really think youāre behind me?ā
āWell, arenāt I?ā
He snorts softly, but thereās no bite to it. āYouāre the one who wrote the outline to this report. Youāre the one reading through and correcting everything. Half of this project looks as good as it does because of you.ā
Your stomach flips. āYouāre exaggeratingāā
āIām not.ā His tone sharpens just enough to make you stop fidgeting and look up at him. His mouth is curved as if to soften the words, but his gaze is sincere, coaxing you to take in every one. āLook. Who cares when you started? Youāre here now. And youāre good at it, like ridiculously good. Not because you lucked into it, but because you put in the effort. You work hard because you want this, and it shows. Thatās more than most people ever figure out, even if theyāve been trying since day one.ā
āYou donāt know that for sure.ā
āDonāt I?ā
āItās easy for you to say. Youāve got it all figured out.ā
His eyebrows shoot up. āYouāre serious about catching up to me?ā
The heat creeps back up your neck, hot flushes spreading across your back. āForget it. Just forget everything.ā
āNo, wait, I didnāt mean it like that.ā He runs a hand through his hair, forcing the surprise back. āI thought you knew the feeling was mutual, that Iām making sure to catch up to you. If anything, youāve been making me work harder than I ever have. If this is you ātoo late,ā then Iād say youāre exactly where youāre supposed to be.ā
Your stomach knots at that, a mix of disbelief and something warmer curling under your ribs. You force your gaze back to the words on your screen, blinking against the sting building at the corners of your eyes.
āā¦Youāre ridiculous,ā you murmur, more to your laptop than to him.
Across the screen, his grin slips back into place, lazy and self-assured, but not mocking. āRidiculously right, you mean, since you know I always am.ā
You shake your head, biting back the urge to argueāand to smile. This time, the silence stretches comfortably, neither of you rushing to fill it. Your cursor blinks steadily on the half-finished paragraph, but your focus is caught on the strange buoyancy in your chest, the faint echo of his words playing on repeat.
When Gojo finally speaks, itās in his usual drawl. āSo, am I supposed to fix the discussion section, or are you going to keep having an existential crisis about being secretly smart?ā
You let out a shaky laugh, the tension finally breaking. āShut up and start writing, Gojo.ā
āYes, maāam,ā he says, already clicking away, but the small smile tugging at his mouth lingers longer than his usual jokes.
You pretend not to notice how your chest feels lighter than it did a minute ago.
He lets out a small, embarrassed noise, half sigh and half grunt, as if caught somewhere between annoyance and resignation. You tug him gently towards the door again, though the look in your eyes is nothing if not fierce.
Finally, the steadiness of his stance gives way into a reluctant step and youāre able to pull him inside. The warmth of the cafe hits you immediately, a stark contrast to the brittle cold outside. Your breath stops leaving your lips as mist, the windows already dewy from the lack of ventilation inside, and the air smells like yesterdayās coffee grounds.
Spiderman hovers awkwardly by the door where youāve abandoned him, rocking on his feet. You pretend not to notice how heās poised to bolt the moment you turn your back and for that reason, you never do.
āYou can sit, you know,ā you say lightly, switching on the espresso machine. āYouāre allowed to touch the furniture.ā
āIām good here,ā he mutters.
āWhere did all your spark go, Spiderman?ā
He shifts at that, his weight rocking between his feet. āYou make me sound like a rescue dog.ā
āYouāre acting like one,ā you note with amusement. āYouāre all twitchy and skittish. Should I put out a bowl of water? Or, better yet, you can tell me your order and Iāll get started on that for you.ā
He pauses. āIced matcha chai with vanilla cold foam and brown sugar syrup. And a caramel rim. Thatās the best part.ā
Your mouth hangs open, ink bleeding into the side of the cup as you try to process his words. āAre you kidding? Thatās literally just pure sugar. Are you insane?ā
āSomeone has to protect the city, sweetheart.ā As if emboldened by your surprise, Spiderman walks up to the counter and leans against it, watching you reluctantly write the shorthand for his order on the cup. āAnd whoever is doing it needs something to keep the sleep away.ā
You shoot him a look as you cap the pen and get started. āWhen was the last time you slept?ā
āTwo nights ago. For, like, four hours.ā
āYou know, you should be sleeping seven to eight hours every night otherwise your brain isnāt able to clear proteins. When those accumulate they turn into the amyloid plaques and tau tangles they talk about in neurodegenerative disease.ā
āOh my God,ā he groans, waving your clinical concern away. āDoes this cafe only hire worrywarts? Shoko never shuts up about that.ā
You look up sharply. āSo you do know her.ā
His hands come up in a placating gesture. āI thought you already came to that conclusion.ā
āNo, because you dodged it. How the fuck do you know Shoko? And why the hell has she never told me?ā You let out a thoughtful hum as you create his disgusting drink. āMaybe she was embarrassed to know you.ā
His hands come down slightly as if baffled. āI saved your life and the only thing leaving your mouth is criticism. The public loves the suit, Iāve gotten no complaints until now.ā
You narrow your eyes as you reach for the syrup bottle. āSo you are dodging.ā
The opening shift quickly becomes the bane of your existence. The grumpy customers clicking in for their own early mornings, the rush of orders that arrives before youāve even fully woken, the relentless beep of the espresso machineāit all feels like a punishment for having the audacity to leave your warm bed before the sun has even risen. And yet, despite the predictable chaos and your own bleary-eyed resentment, you canāt stop the small smile that tugs at your lips as you hop off the bus.
The front of the cafe is quiet when you step up and shove the keys in, though you know that calm wonāt last long. A sudden movement behind you makes your stomach tighten, and a voice murmurs close to your ear.
āI thought the cafe opens at six.ā
You turn to see Spiderman hanging upside down, both hands holding onto his web, feet pressed together to keep balance.
āIt does,ā you say in lieu of greeting.
āReally? So why did you only get here at 6:13am?ā
You roll your eyes and turn back around to let you both in. The masked vigilante lets go of his web and smoothly drops down, sauntering in behind and catching the door when you let go.
āI could report you for tardiness, you know. And being mean to your customers.ā
āI didnāt know you were a snitch,ā you tease back.
āWhat can I say? I care about the universityās upkeep,ā he says as he leans against the counter to watch you start up the shop.
Ignoring his gaze on your back, you begin to multitask, one hand grabbing a cup to get started on his drink while the other flicks on switches. The whir of grinders hum to life, filling the space between you.
āAnother deathly sweet drink for you Iām assuming?ā
āSomeone has to keep this city up and running.ā
Thereās a brief silence as the espresso machine whirs and you do your job. You recall the first few times this unexpected customer had dropped by, the tension between the two of you neither friends nor strangers, and how his face had seemingly dropped when you slid his drink across the counter the moment he walked in.
āOh,ā Spiderman had started, the whites of his mask flicking from you to the cup. āYou already made this for me?ā
āYeah. Unless youāre planning to grab something new today.ā
His fingers had curled around the cup, mumbling something that sounded like, āNo, thatās fine. This is fine.ā
He had hesitated by the counter until you urged him to pay. He did, albeit slowly, and when he even stalled after the money had passed into your hands, you giggled.
āIām not going to kick you out just because you have your drink now. You can stay. I like talking to you when I open.ā
His face had immediately brightened, or at least you assume so from the way his head shot up and the grip on his cup tightened almost imperceptibly.
Since then, Spiderman has taken it upon himself to stay throughout the duration of making his drink, and thirty minutes after that too.
āYou know,ā he muses now, conversational and casual. āI feel like you know more about me than I know about you. You know how I like my drinks, my work, my name. Which is terrible because Iām the one with the secret hidden identity.ā
You roll your eyes, lifting the steamer to pour into a cup with his superhero name on it, something he had insisted you do when you once poured his drink into an empty, unmarked cup, saying the true cafe experience included a named cup. So, in order to give him said full experience, you spell his name wrong every time. Today, itās āSpy x Dermanā.
āYou also know where I work,ā you say, topping his disgusting drink with cream and another drizzle of sweet sticky syrup. āAnd my name. But honestly, itās your fault for being so naive and open.ā
āIām trying to say I want to know more about you.ā
āAnd Iām trying to tastefully deflect the conversation elsewhere.ā
He chuckles. āWhat harm is there if you tell me something? It doesnāt have to be anything crazy. This isnāt a first date.ā
āHey, thatās my line.ā You stick a paper straw into the lid and slide his drink over the counter. He catches it with ease, not breaking eye contact to take a sip.
āFine, Iāll bite. What do you want to know?
He shrugs, looking around the place. āSurprise me. I wouldnāt even know where to start.
āWell, first of all, Iām a normal person. Which means my coffee order isnāt diabetes in a cup.
āTell me your order, then.ā
Youāre surprised to see him so interested in something so mundane and useless. āI guess I usually get a vanilla soy latte. Oh, but if they have matcha or something, Iād get that instead.ā
He hums. āPersonally, I usually get an iced matcha chai with vanilla cold foam and brown sugar syrup with a caramel rim.ā
You laugh, wiping up the counter after yourself as youāve been trained to do. āI never asked, and yes, Spiderman, I know. Trust me, it hurts my pure barista hands to make your drink every time.ā
He chuckles softly with you, eyeing you, toying with the paper straw in his mouth. You know that in about ten minutes, if he stays that long, heāll start complaining about how the paper has already begun to deteriorate in his mouth, and you will be his unwilling recipient for the venting. When he opens his mouth to speak next, you brace yourself for an onslaught of surprisingly childish whining.āSo, any plans this week?ā he asks, leaning over the counter. You wonder if it would be a workplace hazard to invite him to the other side.
You catch onto his words after a few blinks. āNot really? I guess I have an assessment due next week so Iāll be grinding for that.ā You pause, assuming the silence that follows after is because heās waiting for more. āYou?ā
āThe usual. Saving cats from trees, escorting senior citizens across pedestrian crossing, the typical.ā
āDoes that actually happen? Cats getting stuck in trees?ā
He shrugs. āNot really. If anything, itās usually street poles they find themselves in. Anyway, so youāre otherwise free this week? Say, super random day that means absolutely nothingāTuesday?ā
You pause, taking in his faux innocence. He even makes a show of looking at his nails as if he could see them through the fabric of his white gloves. āI mean, I guess I am, for the most part. Why?ā
He straightens a little, looking over at the dessert display. āNo reason.ā
You narrow your eyes at him, a little wary. āAre you sure? I feel like you wouldnāt ask that question unless there was something going on.ā
āNo, Iām just wondering what the average citizenās schedule looks like.ā
āOh, really?ā You clean off the steamer with an unimpressed look. āVerdict?ā
āBoring!ā He stretches out the word, loud in the acoustics of the near empty cafe. āDo you even know how to have fun?ā
You scoff, wiping your hands on a nearby towel before leaning against the counter to talk to him. Somewhere along the way, the distance between the two of you has shrunk and you find yourself gravitating towards him. He stays on the other side, lifting up his mask as he usually does to take a sip.
āItās not my fault the exam period is coming up,ā you say, trying to subtly memorise the bottom of his face without seeming weird. āAnd I definitely do know how to have fun.
āRight, sure you do. What do you do for fun, then?ā
You bite the inside of your cheeks. āYou first.ā
āNeed time to think?ā
āThis is so unfair, you can literally fly! Obviously what I do for fun isnāt going to be as fun as leaping through the air and shooting webs from your wrists!ā
āNot with that attitude you wonāt. But come on, humour me a little. Tell me what you usually do in your free time.ā
āAre we on a bad first date right now? Whatās happening?ā
āDeflect all you want but Iām immune to it by now. Come on, just tell me,ā he coaxes you with a grin, straw between his teeth. āDo you, again super random and means nothing at all, go to anime related events?ā
You narrow your eyes at him slightly. āI guess I do.ā
āOkay.ā He looks around as if inspecting the interior design. āHave you heard about that thing thatās happening at the main city library?ā
You, in fact, have. āSure. I saw the post on their Insta.ā
āWas that something you wanted to check out?ā
āWith⦠you?ā
Spiderman laughs like youāve said something particularly funny. āYouāre joking right? Obviously not with me. Spiderman doesnāt do outings, sweets.ā
āForgive me for assuming that when you literally asked me when I would be free mere minutes ago.ā
āI told you, Iām just curious about what normal people get up to.ā
You eye him, noting how relaxed he now seems and how thereās a silence that drags out after his last words. āWere there any more questions you wanted to ask, or just the one about when Iām free and if I wanted to check out the shounen showcase at the library?ā
āNo, that was it.ā
You nod, slowly. āRight.ā
The quiet stretches, just the hiss of the espresso machine and the soft drumming of his fingers against the counter as he muses over your previous words. You roll your eyes and straighten, turning to fiddle around and move forward with the transition of shooing him away.
Just as youāre about to tell him to go do his job or something, the doorbell chimes and you look up instinctively like an activated sleeper agent, plastering a smile on your face to greet the customer. It hasnāt been long since you started morning shifts but it was rare for anyone to show up within the ten minutes you open.
You spare Spiderman a glance as if to tell him to leave, but heās not looking at you.
A man stumbles in, unsteady on his feet, eyes darting around like thereās someone watching him from the corners. At first, you assume heās simply clumsy or perhaps nursing a killer hangover so you steel yourself for a tricky conversation.
āGood morning, what can I get started for you today?ā you start, looking him up and down subtly to see if heās a member of the university staff or a stranger who has somehow wandered onto campus.
The man slams his hand down on the counter and you jump, heart skipping. Up close, you can make out the sweat beading on his pale forehead and the way his lips move like heās saying something, though no sound leaves his dry lips.
You try again. āSir?ā
āCoffee,ā he rasps.
You force another polite smile because of course you want a coffee from a cafe, donāt waste my time, and reach for a cup. āOf course. Would that be a cappuccino or latte or something else?ā
Instead of answering you, his head jerks to the side as if hearing a conversation you canāt. In doing so, his eyes meet Spidermanās and they widen almost comically, his body jerking away.
Spiderman stiffens, shoulders tensing as he shoots the customer an incredulous look. āWoah, chill. Itās just me.ā
The man staggers back another step, chest heaving, breath rattling like something is crawling up his throat.
You frown. āSir, youāre looking a little pale. Maybe you should sit down andāā
His head snaps toward you so sharply you swear you hear the crack of his vertebrae. His eyes, wild and bloodshot, fix onto you with a sudden intensity that makes you pause. His lips peel back from his teeth into a nasty snarl, and you realise with a cold shiver that he is talking to himself. You quickly correct yourself. He wasnāt talking to himself, but to something else.
The manās head jerks to the side again, harder this time. āWonāt stop⦠wonāt stop talkingā¦ā
You swallow. āI mean, itās kind of my job to ask you.ā
His answer comes out distorted, two voices overlapping. āWe said leave him alone!ā
His hand suddenly shoots out, slamming into the counter so hard the marble cracks. A slick, black sheen ripples up his arm, coating his fingers like tar before forming claws.
His hand suddenly shoots out, slamming into the counter so hard the marble cracks. A slick, black sheen ripples up his arm, coating his fingers like tar before forming claws.
You stumble back, dropping the cup in your hands and making a sharp noise that has the man turning to you, eyes pitch-black.
āUm, Spiderman?ā you whisper, hands clutching the side of the counter as you back away from the man. āWant to do your job orā¦?ā
Before you can even process whatās happening, the man lunges across the counter at you, knocking over your carefully stacked paper cups. You make an embarrassing sound, half-surprise, half-protest as you instinctively attempt to back away though itās not enough considering the feral determination the man has in reaching you.
In a blur, Spiderman leaps and lands on his hands and feet on the ceiling, flinging his arm toward you to latch a web around your torso. He yanks you to him, the world tilting for a fraction of a second as the web wraps around your arms and pins them to your side. The momentum spins you round and round until you finally settle, slowly rotating.
Blood rushes to your head and a nearby crash makes you jolt, eyes widening to pinpoint the danger.
Turns out, Spiderman has wrapped you in a cocoon of web and left to dangle like a pinata from the ceiling.
āHey!ā you protest, struggling against the web. The movement only causes you to spin around and you hastily jerk your body to the side to watch the scene. āLet me down!ā
Spiderman drops to the floor, one hand splayed across the ground, the other tense and alert in the air. He momentarily breaks his focus to give you a double take. āWhat theāIām keeping you safe. Stop wiggling!ā
You can hear it then, the sound the manās making. Not quite a growl, at least not a human one, but a low, guttural rasp that vibrates through his chest. Panic and fear only grow within you, and you struggle with a little more determination to get down and run for the hills, when the man emerges from behind the counter.
He lunges again, this time faster, propelled by a strength that is definitely not human. Black tendrils burst from his back, flinging chairs aside like toys. Spiderman dodges easily, flipping over a table and ducking behind it, firing a web that snaps against the manās shoulder.
It doesnāt hold.
The black substance simply absorbs it, melting it away like cotton candy in a river.
āOkay,ā Spiderman mutters, kicking the table into the man too and watching as he easily smacks it away. āThatās new.ā
The creature lets out a distorted laugh. āSpiderman,ā it sneers.
āThatās me. Have we met before?ā
Spiderman doesnāt wait for an answer, slinging a web at the manās wrist and yanking him hard into the counter. The espresso machine crumbles under the intense weight and puffs out a powerful blast of steam as it malfunctions. The figure avoids the steam with a sharp hiss, black tendrils catching from the bulk of the fall and throwing himself back up, grabbing onto the mini fridge display and hurling it back at the superhero.
You gasp when you rotate to face the chaos. āYouāre wrecking my cafe!ā
āSeriously? Thatās what youāre focusing on right now?āĀ Spiderman shoots back, ducking. āFile an insurance claim or something!ā
He swings a chair into the side of the figure and you watch mournfully.
āMy chairsā¦ā
āAgain, there might be bigger things to worry about!ā
A giant fist surges forward from the black gunk oozing down his chest and knocks Spiderman back.
The superhero lets out a punched-out gasp, slamming into the wall of the cafe and knocking down some purely-for-interior-design-aesthetic fake coffee bean bags. Spiderman tries to sling himself onto the arm and swing around, but the substance only consumes the webbing, swallowing it before it can take hold.
āSpiderman!āĀ
You twist uselessly in your cocoon, the web binding your arms tight to your sides. Your brain scrambles for something, anything that could possibly help. Your eyes lock onto the man as its gooey limbs swell and stretch, pulsing with inhuman strength. Another fist forms, held back in the air as if winding up, clearly aimed at the gasping Spiderman on the cafe floor.
āIs this another tactic of yours? I think you fight better on both feet!ā
Spiderman spits blood through the cuts of his mask.
āYeah,ā he wheezes, āThatās the plan.ā
The fist hands there for one awful second, huge and glistening and very much about to redecorate the floor with Spidermanās internal organs.
Your gaze snaps wildly around the cafe, desperate for anything useful beyond the humiliating fact that you are currently trussed up. You make a mental note of everything, the counter, syrup bottles, cups, broken glass, ruined pastries, the espresso machine wheezing its last breath in the corner, split open and spitting angry jets of steam every few seconds.
āSpiderman!ā you blurt.
Spiderman, still flat on his back and one near-death experience away from becoming part of the floor plan, tilts his head weakly. āCan this wait? Iām in the middle of something.ā
āThe espresso machine!ā
āWhat about it? Do you want a latte before I die?ā
āThe steam, you idiot!ā
The creature finally slams its fist down, cracking the granite flooring and thankfully not squishing a spider. The superhero rolls onto his side with a pained hiss, flicking his wrist to wrap web around the nuzzle of the steamer.
āOkay,ā he starts. āAnd how do I use this exactly?ā
The man quickly regains its bearings and starts for Spiderman again as the superhero uselessly fiddles with the steam wand. You jerk in your cocoon.
āThe knob! Turn the silver knob on the side!ā
Spiderman slaps the wrong thing and a burst of frothy milk sprays across the counter and onto the floor. āIs that it?ā
āThe other one!ā
He twists the correct knob just as the creature lunges. The machine screams as it blasts a vicious plume of steam straight forward. You watch as he yanks the steamer around at the last second, aiming it right into the thingās chest and face.
The black mass recoils with a horrible, scraping cry that makes you wince, and begins to peel back from the manās skin in a movement not unfamiliar to you. The tendrils make one last feral swish, slamming into shelves and sending coffee beans, ceramic mugs, and one very expensive grinder crashing to the ground.
you: hey!! so ik ure oh so busy
but i think we should meet up to rehearse our speech before we present
r u free 12pm today?
toru: woahhh u texted first ?!
you: and probably meet at the library
oh what the hell u replied so fast
toru: maybe i was waiting for ur text all day
you: wait why did i grimace
anyway are u down?
toru: sure iāll try!
meet u at our usual table ><
You climb the stairs up to the library, chuckling softly at the memory of Gojoās texts. Surprisingly, Gojo is already sitting in his seat when you arrive. He pauses his typing and pulls down one side of his headphones, looking over his shoulder at you. His eyes light up and you offer him a small wave, watching as he responds enthusiastically.
āYou didnāt stand me up.ā
You chuckle drily, pulling out your seat beside him and sitting down. āWhat is this, some bad first date?ā
Gojo grins like youāve said something particularly funny. āIs that your go-to line or something?ā
āWhat?ā
āOh, uh. Nothing.ā He looks away, swiping his finger across the trackpad.
When he doesnāt say anything else, you take it as your cue to take out your things, still eyeing him. āDidnāt bring your mouse today?ā
āYou remembered?ā
You make a face at his sudden hopeful expression. āYouāre being weird.ā
He slumps back into his chair. āYeah, I gave myself the ick. Iām just nervous.ā
āAbout?ā
He hums, looking away at the rest of the library. āStuff.ā
You let that sit for a moment, then try to steer things back toward the reason youāre both here. For a while, you make a decent attempt at studying. You open your laptop, pull up your notes, ask him a question about the assessment that he answers after a beat too long. But it quickly becomes obvious that whatever is making him weird hasnāt gone away. He keeps glancing down at his notes only to stare straight through them, then out the window, then back at his laptop. Every few seconds he finds a new way to fidget: tapping his pen, rubbing the back of his neck, shifting in his chair, bouncing his leg under the table.
By the time he starts clicking his pen open and shut, you give up pretending not to notice. You lean back slightly and raise an eyebrow at him. āSomething else youād rather be doing?ā
He stills at once, like heās been caught. āMaybe,ā he admits after a second. āKind of.ā
You narrow your eyes. āKind of?ā
Gojo huffs out a breath and glances at you, then away again. āOkay, donāt laugh, but thereās this shounen manga pop-up showcase at the central library right now. And I thoughtāsince weāve talked about Digimon and all that stuffāmaybe youād want to go check it out with me.ā
āBadges can be cool,ā you try, tracing the edge of one.
āThere are only badges of all the mainstream anime,ā he mumbles, coming up to stand beside you. Due to the tiny display, youāre shoulder to shoulder, your arm brushing his. āGod, this fucking sucks. My bad, Y/N. I was hoping we could look at all the manga together, but all I managed to do was waste your time. We can just go back to the library and continue studying.ā
You frown at his dejected tone, and when you look over, heās pouting.
His shoulders are slumped, his hands absentmindedly fidgeting with a badge, spinning it back and forth with no real interest, and his lips are jutted out in an almost cartoonish pout. When his eyes shift at your attention, you quickly look away and hope he didnāt catch the slight quiver of your lips.
Then, before you can think better of it, you grab a badge off the display and pin it to his chest. When he starts to look down, you lift his chin with your finger instead.
He blinks at you, owlish, and you canāt help but smile at the clueless look in his eyes.
āAsk me a yes-or-no question,ā you say. āTo try and guess what characterās badge I just pinned on you. Cāmon, I bet you wonāt get it.ā
For a moment, you think your forced enthusiasm has put him off and that he wonāt play along. But then he suddenly scoffs, his lips tugging up. āAre they a girl?ā
āNo.ā Itās contagious and you find yourself smiling back.
He purses his lips, and you recognise the signature glint in his eyes when heās concentrating. He hums, thinking a little more seriously. āIs the series heās from released before 2020?ā
āYes.ā
āIs he part of a trio?ā
āSeriously? Weāre talking about shounen right now. Almost every shounen series has a trio.ā You giggle. āBut no, he isnāt.ā
He rolls his eyes. āIs the character the main character of the series?ā
āNo, but Iād say a lot more people like this character over the actual main character.ā
āIs he from a sports anime?ā
āNo.ā
āCould he be in a sports anime?ā
That catches you off guard and you scrunch your face up in thought. āI honestly canāt imagine him doing any sport. He might be a perma-benched player thatās only there for strategy.ā
āIs he, like, a mentor character?ā
You pout a little at how on-the-nose his question is. āYes.ā
āDoes he have powers?ā
āYes.ā
He clicks his fingers. āAh. Does he have a signature weapon?ā
āWell, he uses a gun often, but his powers arenāt related to his weapon of choice.ā
āSo his powers arenāt offensive?ā
āExactly.ā
He hums, a smile growing on his face. āIs the manga based in the modern era?ā
āYes.ā
āIs he dead?ā
āNo, but there was a moment when everyone was freaking out because it almost seemed like he was dead.ā
āBrown hair?ā
āYes.ā
Gojo clicks his fingers in realisation. āOkay, Iāve got it. Is it Dazai?ā He might as well have shouted eureka. His face brightens, hanging on your next words to confirm or deny his victory.
You giggle, nodding, and the smile he gives you is full of childlike wonder.
āClose your eyes. Itās your turn.ā
You do so. āI bet I can guess it with fewer questions than you.ā
He snorts. āYouāre on.ā
A few customers shoot you dirty looks when they walk past, clearly not appreciating your giggles as you and Gojo take turns playing your own chopped version of celebrity heads. Time seems to pass quickly over laughter and jokes until you finally reach up to unpin the latest badge to place it back. He stops you, hands covering yours.
āLet me buy that for you,ā he says with a lingering smile.
You raise an eyebrow but let him take it off your hands. āWho said I even want this?ā
āCome on, itāll be like weāre matching.ā
āTheyāre not even from the same series.ā
āNot to anyone else,ā he muses, thumb stroking the front of the badge like itās something precious. āBut we'll know theyāre connected and thatās good enough to call them matching.ā
You turn away, suddenly far too aware of the warmth rising to your face. Clearing your throat, you gesture toward the manga shelves down the aisle. āLetās go see what else theyāve got. Sure, we came for the pop-up, but weāre still in a library.ā
He follows after you, noticeably lighter on his feet than before, and you let out a small sigh of relief. Then, almost immediately, you berate yourself for the tiny flutter in your chest. Why does that even matter? you scold yourself, brushing the feeling aside.
Before you can dwell on it for too long, he pinches your sleeve and tugs you gently toward him when your pace slows.
āHave you read this?ā
āNot yet,ā you admit, though a small smile creeps onto your face at the sight of his enthusiasm.
Without missing a beat, he launches into an animated explanation of the series, waving his hands as he talks. Sometimes it feels like heās speaking more with his fingers than with actual words, sketching out invisible diagrams in the air as he links characters and plot points together. His sentences tumble over each other as he rambles about character motivations, why one of them is a complete fraud, and why the plot veers dangerously close to deus ex machina territory, only cutting himself off with an apologetic smile right before he spoils something major.
āAnd I swear the author gave up halfway through the series. The manga finished in 2023, by the way, but I think by the end heād already landed a deal for a spin-off and started putting all his effort into that instead. You know what I saw on Twitter recently? People were hyping up this one line like it was amazing foreshadowing, but itās not even good foreshadowing because, come on, the final fight was so cheap. Like whenāā He stops himself abruptly. āOh, wait. You canāt know that yet.ā
You nod along, trying to keep up with the flood of names, locations, and arc points that mean absolutely nothing to you, but the sheer energy in his voice is contagious. Somehow, itās impossible to be annoyed or bored when heās like this, completely in his element.
Eventually, you stop trying to follow every detail. Instead, your attention drifts to him. The way his hair keeps falling into his eyes, forcing him to run a hand through his bangs only for them to slip right back into place seconds later. The way his brows knit together when he rants, only to lift again the moment he gets to a part he genuinely loves. Despite the noise of the busy library, his voice rises above everything else, clear and captivating, demanding your attention without even trying.
Itās almost impressive how quickly his mouth keeps up with his thoughts. You squint slightly, watching the shape of his lips around each word just to confirm that yes, it really is him speaking that fast and not some video playing in the background.
You realise a second too late that heās stopped talking.
You blink and look up at him.
His brows are furrowed, though not in the same way as before, and you hate that you now know the difference. āUh, you still with me?ā
You blink a few more times, then shake your head slightly as if to clear the haze. āYeah. Yeah, Iām here.ā
Gojo tilts his head, clearly amused. āReally? Because you look a little dazed.ā
Heat rushes to your face and you quickly drop your gaze to the manga in his hands, as if that had always been the focus of your attention. āYeah, of course I was listening. Something about deus ex machina, right?ā
He snorts softly. āI finished talking about the ending minutes ago. You donāt have to pretend if you werenāt paying attention.ā
You roll your eyes, hoping your embarrassment isnāt as obvious as it feels. āFine. Maybe I got a little distracted.ā
His grin widens at that, though it softens around the edges as he steps a little closer. āDistracted, huh? By what?ā
You hesitate, heart doing something strange at the way heās looking at you. āNothing.ā
āReally?ā
āReally,ā you shoot back.
āAlright then,ā he concedes, though the glint in his eyes never fades. āI guess Iāll just have to step up my explanations next time so you donāt get distracted again.ā
He slides the manga carefully back onto the shelf, nudging the surrounding volumes aside to make room and making sure none of the pages bend as he slots it into place. There has to be something wrong with you, because even that small gesture makes warmth bloom in your chest. You make a mental note to check the series out when you get home.
Gojo turns back to you and gestures for you to lead the way. āYour turn.ā
He listens as you tell him about one of your favourite manga series, and the embarrassment of getting caught fades quickly as you explain exactly why itās a masterpiece. When itās his turn again, you make a conscious effort to pay attention and not drift off into another daydream. So when he asks if you were actually listening this time, you huff and answer every one of his questions with ease.
He grins at you like youāve handed him the world.
Eventually, the two of you leave the library with less merch than youād expected walking in, but with two badges that mean more than youād ever dare admit. He doesnāt fasten his onto the front of his bag with the rest of his pins and accessories, mumbling something about wanting to keep it safe, so you keep yours in your pocket instead, your thumb brushing over its smooth surface as you walk.
You expect him to call it a day after that, maybe peel off with some excuse about having things to do, but instead he tugs lightly on your sleeve.
āCāmon.ā
āWhere?ā
āCafe run. My treat.ā
You raise a brow. āSince when do you buy me coffee?ā
āSince you saved this disaster of a day,ā he says matter-of-factly, already steering you toward the street with a hand at your shoulder. āBesides, itād be cruel not to feed you after I made you listen to my manga rants for hours.ā
You snort, but you donāt fight him on it. The truth is, coffee does sound nice, even if you remain slightly mystified by the idea of going with Gojo of all people. You frown a little when the thought doesnāt leave you disgusted.
Youāre still mulling over the drink options when Gojo steps up to the counter to order.
āCan I get an iced matcha latteāā He cuts himself off awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. āJust an iced matcha latte, thanks. Oh, and a vanilla soy latte.ā
You eye him as he thanks the cashier, pays, and nods toward the waiting area. Seeing no reason not to follow, you move to stand beside him again.
āAre you drinking two drinks?ā
āStupid.ā He pokes your forehead in a way that, annoyingly, you canāt bring yourself to hate. āOne of them is for you.ā
āThe⦠vanilla latte?ā
āYeah.āYou dip your head, trying to catch his eye. āWhy arenāt you looking at me all of a sudden?ā
He shrugs, suddenly fascinated by the blank wall behind the counter. āI have no idea what youāre talking about.ā
You study him for a second before letting out a small laugh. āWell, you got lucky. Thatās kind of my go-to order. How did you know?ā
āI guess you just look like youād want something like that.ā
You stare at him. āOh yeah? I just have the look of someone who likes vanilla lattes?ā
He only hums in response.
You frown a little as you take him in properly: the way he rocks back and forth on his feet, hands tucked into his pockets, trying very hard to look unaffected. All he needs is a whistle to sell the act. Thankfully, one of the cashiers calls out his number, and he eagerly slips away to collect the drinks.
āHm?ā You look up at him, wondering if the slight flush at the tips of his ears has anything to do with the late afternoon sun.
āEveryone calls me Satoru but you,ā he says, still not looking at you. āYou might as well just call me Satoru too. Itās weird if you donāt.ā
It takes a few seconds for the words to fully sink in. By then, he only seems to shrink further into himself, taking long, noisy pulls from his straw. By the time you recover enough to smirk, his cup is almost entirely ice.
You lean in slightly, trying to catch his eye. āWhat a cheesy thing to say. Donāt tell me youāreāā
The rest dies on your tongue when he finally glances down at you. The same pink tint at his ears has spread across his cheeks.
He frowns despite it, brows drawing together. āForget it. I knew you wouldnāt take me seriously.ā He pulls the straw from his mouth and shakes the cup for more drink, only for the ice to rattle uselessly. With visible annoyance, he takes the shot and tosses the empty cup into the bin. āSorry for dragging you all the way out here today. Your bus is probably coming soon, so Iāll head offāā
You gape at him. āWait!ā
He freezes and turns back slightly. āGoing to tease me? Save it for tomorrow.ā
āNo,ā you say quickly. āI was just surprised you wanted me to call you by your first name. I thought you hated me.ā
āMe?ā he scoffs, turning around fully now. āYou have to be joking.ā
āIām serious,ā you insist. āYou were awful to me. I mean, you literally went out of your way to embarrass me when we barely knew each other.ā
He runs a hand through his hair and exhales. āYeah, I know. I was⦠bad at that. I never hated you, Y/N. I just didnāt know what to do with you.ā
āThe moment you start making sense, the world is going to end. Iām sure of it.ā
He laughs quietly, then looks at you again. āIām trying to say that when you showed up and started showing me up, beating me and everything, I got a little intimidated. And maybe you were right all along, but I wanted you to notice me the way Iād started noticing you. So yeah, maybe I did start tugging on your pigtails just to get your attention. You were just soāā He cuts himself off, jaw tightening. āNever mind.ā
āHold on,ā you say, stepping closer. āYou canāt do that. Finish it.ā
āSorry. Free trialās over. If you want me to keep going, thatāll be 200 diamondsāā
āSatoru.ā
He closes his mouth immediately, eyes widening a fraction before he sighs. āDamn. I shouldāve never asked you to say that.ā
You tilt your head, catching his gaze. āPlease?ā
Something strained flashes across his face, like the word is lodged somewhere painful in his chest. āYou were just soā¦ā He exhales through his nose, defeated. āSo bright that it was annoying. I couldnāt ignore you, even if I tried. Every time you laughed, my head would already be turning, and I hated it because you werenāt smiling at me.ā
You laugh awkwardly. āWe werenāt exactly friends.ā
āNo,ā he says softly. āThat was the issue. But even then, I wouldnāt have been satisfied.ā
For a moment, neither of you says anything. The confession settles between you, large and impossible to ignore. Youāve given up trying to look at him because thereās a strange tightness in your chest making it hard to breathe, and Satoru looks like heās doing everything in his power not to bolt.
āDoes that bother you?ā he asks.
Unable to speak, you shake your head.
āOkay.ā He exhales slowly. āThen can I try something?ā
You look up just as he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His hand hovers there for a moment, giving you an out.
You donāt take it. Mostly because your feet feel rooted to the pavement beneath you.
āSatoru,ā you whisper, and he seems to find whatever answer he was searching for in your eyes.
He leans in slowly, like heās afraid the moment might shatter if he moves too quickly. Your breath mingles. He hesitates, and you give him the smallest encouragement by leaning in too. Your noses brush with a ticklish little bump, and the whole world narrows to the space between your mouthsā
Then a sharp buzz cuts through the quiet.
It doesnāt register properly in your mind at first. You only know it sounds ugly against the stillness. But Satoru knows immediately.
He freezes. So do you.bThen comes the second vibration.
His shoulders sag. His forehead drops forward and bumps lightly into yours.
āYouāve got to be kidding me,ā he mutters.
āEverything okay?ā you ask, though you already know the answer.
He pulls back just enough to take his phone out and glance at the screen. Whatever he sees drains all the softness from his face, replacing it with that familiar unreadable tension.
āYeah,ā he says, forcing a crooked smile. āI, uh, have to go. Family emergency. Again.ā
You smile back. āI hope everyoneās okay.ā
āRight. Yeah.ā
āYou should probably go.ā
āRight.ā
He lingers for another beat, phone held uselessly in his hand, before clearing his throat and stepping back. āIāll call you tonight?ā
āYeah. Tonight.ā
āCool,ā he says. āCool, cool, cool, cool. Get home safe, yeah?ā
āYeah.ā You keep smiling even as he starts to walk away. āThanks for today.ā
You watch him go for far longer than you should, long enough that his figure starts to blur into the movement of the street beyond the bus stop. Only when he disappears properly do you let your smile falter, your hand tightening slightly around the paper cup.
It hits you then, all at once and without mercy, how badly you are in trouble. You stare down at your coffee like it might offer guidance and find none.
Oh, you are so doomed.
Spidermanās muscle strain against the cold sticky goo binding his wrists behind his back, the sharp bite of them digging into his skin as he knelt on the rough warehouse floor. His suit clings to him like a second skin, torn across his chest and down his thigh from the brutal fight. Thereās a gash above his eyebrow thatās dripping blood into his eyes, but for some reason his vision is clear.
The amazing Spiderman makes it his purpose to never stay down for long. This time, however, he wonders if he even wants to get back up.
Venom looms over him with a maw of jagged teeth and eyes like void fixed down on him with predatory amusement. āSpiderman down on his knees. What a sight.ā
Gojo smirks under his mask even as his knees ache and cold air brushes the exposed skin around his mouth.
āI hate to break it to you but Iām not into oversized ink blots,ā he spits. āAnd donāt get so cocky too soon. Havenāt you played Darkest Dungeon? Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer.ā
āThereās always a response rearing to go from that tongue of yours, isnāt there?ā Venom hisses. āAlways so self-assured, always so prepared. I wonder how long that peace you know will last.ā
āIf I wanted my fortune read I would have gone to a tarot card reader.ā
Venom laughs and the sound is suddenly so achingly familiar that Gojo freezes, something primal overturning into his stomach telling him to run. But thereās nowhere to run, not when his wrists are tied behind his back, not when heās kneeled at the feet of his archnemesis, and especially not when the tendrils of the villain slowly pull back to reveal a humanoid form Satoru knows far too well.
The black mass ebbs back from Venomās face, appendages retracting with a wet slurp, revealingā
Her. You.
The girl from the 5th floor of the campus library that he kept seeing that one finals season a whole year ago, the one he once told Geto about until he saw you again with his childhood friend and decided you were firmly off-limits. The same girl he suddenly couldnāt miss in the crowd when 5pm hits and the tired students pour out seeking night outs or cozy night ins, the same girl who when he finally had a class with, had quickly cut him down with a glare that sent a jolt right through his body. The face he thinks about when heās alone in the dark of his room, one hand down his pants and the other holding his phone.
Your pretty lips now curl into a smirk as your piercing eyes that he just loves to pretend to hate, locks onto his, full of mocking triumph. The symbiote suit hugs your curves like liquid, accentuating every sway of your hips as you step even closer.
Wait, what the fuck?
Gojo opens his mouth to say something but his breath hitches and the quip dies on his tongue.
āWhat theāY/N? What are youāā He cuts himself off when you laugh, soft and familiar, a sound far too beautiful for a grungy place like this.
āWhatās wrong, Spidey?ā you purr, voice lilting with mock innocence. āYou look like youāve seen a ghost. Or maybeāā
Heās almost certain he stops breathing altogether as you roughly tilt his chin up with one long tendril, staring at your face because thereās nothing else to do.
āYou see something you like?ā
He splutters. āThis is bullshit. Youāre not Venom, you canāt be. This has to be some kind of symbiote mind-fuck trick.ā
āWhatās wrong? Youāve lost your composure all of a sudden.ā
Gojo growls, a feral sound dragging up his throat. āDonāt fucking look into my mind. Stop looking like her!ā
You coo, lips pretty and downturned. āStop? How can I? Spiderman, I am her.ā
Your words make him shudder and you press on.
āAh, so itās about that, is it? Poor, little Spiderman, torn in so many little directions. You canāt decide whether to be Satoru or this silly attempt at being a superhero.ā
He flinches when his name slips from your lips, remembering how soft it had sounded when you first said it, cheeks pink and eyes fluttering down. Seeing you standing over him now, eyes harsh and unforgiving, he feels a stirring in his gut that only pushes him closer to the edge.
āNo snarky response this time?ā
āYou canāt be her.ā
āWhy not? I could be anyone.ā You lift a foot and press it against his thigh, pushing it outwards casually. āWhy donāt we be truthful for once, hm? And stop hiding behind all these secrets? Itās not that I canāt be her, itās that you donāt want me to be. Youāve always vented to Suguru about how nice it would be to have it both but this is the one thing you donāt want to share with Spiderman. Me. And yet, you go against yourself and seek me out as both. Why?ā
Gojo grits his teeth. āI donāt have to explain anything to you. You know nothing about me.ā
āOh, but I promise you I donāt miss much.ā Your foot trails higher, nudging now against his inner thigh and despite the situation, he flinches, that unfamiliar feeling spilling into something scarily recognisable.
āHold onāā
āLooks like youāre still not being completely truthful, Satoru,ā you purr and he hisses.
Your foot presses against the bulge straining his suit, the pressure firm and deliberate. Gojoās hips jerk involuntarily, a sharp exhale escaping him as you drag your sole along his length.
āGet off me,ā he growls, but it sounds more like a plea, his voice husky and ragged.
He tries to shift away, wrists twisting futilely in the bindings, but his body betrays him and he leans into the friction instead. Your boot works him slowly, the leather cool against the heat building under his suit.
āMake me,ā you taunt, eyes gleaming with wicked amusement.
You donāt let up, your foot dragging slowly now, tracing the outline of his cock with teasing precision and his hips respond but bucking up involuntarily, pleasure sparking hot and fierce. He clamps his jaw, trying to stifle the sound, but it rumbles out anyway.
āThisā¦ā His eyes flutter as you press down particularly hard, forcing a smirk even as his breaths come out ragged. āThis is your master plan? Youāre more of aānghāpervert than I thought.ā
You tilt your head, eyes sparkling with amusement. āMaster plan? Do I need a reason to do any of this? Maybe Iāve finally decided to do something about all that eye-fucking youāve been giving me in class. Thought I wouldnāt notice?ā
Your boot grinds down harder, the ridged sole catching on the zipper of his suit, right over where his cock throbs insistently. He bites back a moan but it slips out anyway, loud and guttural, his thighs quivering under the pressure.
His face flushes deeper, those blue eyes narrowing in a mix of defiance and desperation. āYouāre⦠not her. Canāt be. She'd neverāā His words cut off as you twist your ankle, dragging the bootās toe along his balls through the tight fabric, making them tighten and draw up.
āNever what? Touch you like this? Make you beg with just a foot?ā You lean in closer, whispering in his ear so soft he almost canāt hear over his pounding heartbeat. āAdmit it, web-head. You've jerked off thinking about me pinning you down, havenāt you? All those stolen glances in the hallway, pretending you didnāt pop a boner every time I called you out.ā
Gojoās breath hitches, his cock leaking pre-cum that soaks through the suit, darkening the material. He shakes his head but itās weak, his hips rolling up to chase the friction despite himself.
āShut up. Justāhahāfuck off.ā The growl lacks bite, cracking into a whine when you lift your foot slightly, denying him the pressure for a torturous second before pressing back down, slower this time, stroking from base to tip with deliberate drags.
You chuckle. āSuch a pretty liar. Look at you, kneeling there, dick pathetically hard. Bet youāve never even been touched like this before, huh? Who knew Spiderman was all talk and no action.ā
Your boot circles the head of his cock, smearing the wet spot wider.
He groans, loud and unrestrained now, his head tipping back as pleasure coils tight in his gut. āN-not⦠your business.ā
But his bodyās honest, thighs spreading wider on their own and inviting more. Sweat beads on his forehead, trickling down his temple, and he forces his eyes open to glare at you, trying for a smirk. "If this is your idea of a fight, youāre losing. I couldā¦fuck, I could break out anytime.ā
You grin, a tendril slashing his suit to free his cock. it springs free, hard and leaking, tip flushed and begging to be touched. Gojoās eyes flutter again when you touch him bare, a soft whine escaping despite his efforts. He rolls them back slightly, fighting the wave crashing through him, but his hips roll forward, chasing the pressure.
āAdmit it feels good. Or are you going to keep pretending youāre not leaking over my boot right now?"
He bites his lip hard. āFeels likeā¦feels like nothing. Barely notice it.ā
Total bullshit. Every drag sends sparks up his spine, his cock throbbing insistently, begging for more. He can't even seem to focus on what youāre saying anymore, not when youāre twisting your ankle like so, rubbing his sensitive tip and he canāt hold back a throaty moan, his body arching into it.
āNothing? Your dickās twitching like itās got a mind of its own.ā
āI could break these cuffs anytime,ā he mumbles again as if convincing himself as if his hips arenāt thrusting up greedily, fucking into the rhythm.
āBreak them then. Or donāt. We both know you wonāt.ā
The friction builds up relentlessly, up, down, the ball of your foot grinding against his mushroom head on every pass, sweat beading under his mask, eyes rolling back fully now as the coil winds tighter, pleasure bordering on overload.
āOh, fuckāā Gojo rasps, voice a wrecked mess of gasps and moans.
āToo much? Gonna cum for me?ā
He shakes his head frantically, but the denial crumbles into a choked sob when you drag your heel along the underside, pressing firmly over the vein that throbs with every heartbeat. His cock jumps, tip flaring red, and a spurt of pre-cum leaks out, coating your shoe in glossy trails.
āCome on, pretty boy. You're so close,ā you coo.
āNo⦠shit, Iāfuck!ā His words fracture as you speed up, pumping his length in firm, unyielding strokes, up to smear over the sensitive ridge, down to crush against his balls, rolling them gently before lifting to repeat.
His balls draw tight, heavy and full, aching for release, and he grinds his teeth in an effort to hold back but the pressure mounts, a white-hot knot twisting in his core.
You curl your fingers in his mask and yank it off, his white hair spilling down to reveal his wrecked expression, eyes rolling back and drool dripping from the corner of his lips. you grin, pure evil and glee before you tug his hair to make him look up at you.
āCome on, Satoru,ā you purr. āShow me how much you hate this, how much you need it.ā
The command shatters him. His entire body seizes, back arching off the cold floor as the orgasm rips through and his cock erupts in thick, forceful jets that splatter across your boot, your calf, even arcing up to hit his own abdomen. He cries out, voice breaking into a raw, uninhibited moan that echoes off the warehouse walls.
āFuck, yesāoh God, Y/N!ā
His hips jerk helplessly as you keep stroking him through it, dragging every last shudder from his body until heās wrung completely dry. Heās whimpering by the end of it, oversensitive and trembling, head fallen back against the pillow, chest rising and falling in ragged pants. Cum spills down the front of his suit in sticky, obscene streaks, and still you donāt let him hide from it, your hand only slowing once heās been pushed so far past pleasure it borders on cruelty.
āNot bad for a virgin,ā you murmur, voice sweet in that way that makes humiliation burn twice as hot. āBet youāve never made yourself cum that hard, huh? All those lonely nights jerking off to thoughts of me, and this is the best you could do?ā
Gojoās face burns crimson, shame and bliss tangling together until he canāt tell one from the other. āShut up,ā he breathes, though it comes out broken and weak. āThat didnāt mean anything.ā
āReally?ā you ask, and the smile you give him is devastating. āThen why are you hard again?
His gaze drops before he can stop it. Sure enough, his cock is already thickening back to life, flushed and twitching against his stomach as if his body has decided to betray him completely. When he looks up again, youāre licking your lips slowly, deliberately, and his mouth goes dry enough to hurt
āWant me to show you what youāve been missing?ā you ask. āOr are you still going to pretend?ā
Gojo isnāt a weak man, he really isnāt. But with your foot still by his thigh, body so close and promises of warmth and softness beyond his filthies fantasies, and that look in your eyes like you already know exactly how this ends, he can feel himself caving. The word is already there, already rising up his throat, yes, yes, pleaseā
And then his eyes snap open. The darkness of his room hits him like cold water.
For a second he canāt move. He just lies there, disoriented, heart hammering against his ribs hard enough to hurt, the last traces of the dream still clinging to him in flashes too vivid to shake. Your voice, your mouth, the heat of your body. The sight of you above him, cruel and beautiful and impossibly close.
Then reality settles in, humiliating in its clarity.
Heās alone.
Flat on his back in a bed thatās too warm now, sheets tangled around his legs, boxers sticking damply to his skin. His cock throbs untouched, leaking embarrassingly through the fabric, still hard enough that the loss of the dream feels almost physically painful. He drags in a breath and it catches somewhere in his chest, shaky and shallow.
He groans, burying his face in his pillow, cheeks burning even though no one is there to see it, and lies there in the aftermath of his own disgrace, hard and aching and still haunted by the sound of your voice.Ā
Gojo is unfair.
He knows heās unfair. Itās hard not to when the reminder comes as easily as catching his own reflection in the dark screen of his laptop, or running a hand through his hair in frustration and knowing that, at the very least, having silky, soft, gorgeous white hair isnāt on his list of worries. Itās as easy as checking his grades at the end of every semester, his eyes drifting from an episode of Frieren on his laptop to the screen of his phone. When his gaze skims over his marks and settles on his final grade, Gojo knows heās unfair.
A crash in the street, someone yelling for help, and heās already pulling on the blue-and-white mask and swinging out the window, because apparently good looks and a big brain werenāt enough. The universe had to make him Spiderman too.
He knows what he is: smart, strong, and kindhearted (that last one might be a sneak). That robbery he stopped two weeks ago before his cardiovascular final? Yeah, no biggie. Did he just save a hijacked bus the morning of this very neuropharmacology tutorial? Yeah, but no sweat, heāll still pass top of his class like alwaysā
ā97%?ā
He watches you freeze and immediately slam the lid of your laptop down. You whip around to face the culprit who aired out your grade, temporarily stunned when itās someone you donāt recognise.
Gojo narrows his eyes. āHow did someone like you get a 97?ā
His words come out too harsh to be surprise and lacking any warmth to come off as a congratulations. Because you donāt look like the kind of person whoād flash their grades around or fish for praise. If anything, you look horrified to have been noticed at all, eyes wide and shoulders tense like youād been caught doing something embarrassing rather than scoring nearly full marks on a quiz the class had been stressing over ten minutes before it began.
āWhat the fuck does that mean?ā you hiss back. āDo you mind? Donāt look over my shoulder like a creep.ā
He smirks warily but it doesnāt reach his eyes. āItās a 97. Thatās something to gloat about. Didnāt think it would come from someone like you though.ā
āSo youāve been saying. What does that even mean? I donāt look like the type of person to get a 97?ā
āYeah,ā he says bluntly, an answer seemingly as obvious as asking if grass was green or if the sky was blue.
You press your lips together to avoid cussing him out in the chatty classroom. āDo I even know you?ā
āIt would be hard to miss me,ā he shoots back. āIām the one that's been topping these quizzes since the semester started.ā
āFell off, did you?ā
āPlease, this was a fluke, princess.ā
You practically hum with irritation at the nickname. āAnd what did you get?ā
He puts up a firewall immediately. āThat's nunya.ā
āWhat?ā
āNone of your business.ā He grins.
You grimace at his evidently childish nature. āI don't think you can say that after shoving your ugly face into my business.ā
You decide to take things into your own hands, standing up from your chair to reach back and snatch his laptop. He blinks at the sudden movement, momentarily distracted at your choice of words before it registers.
And Gojo is Spiderman. He could easily grab your wrist and stop you before you get too close but there's something making him hesitate. You smell nice, he notes faintly, like vanilla and something artificial but sweet. It's your perfume no doubt, he just can't wrap his head around why it smelt so good.
Your fingers successfully reach close around his laptop and lifts it off the table, placing it onto your thighs as your finger slides across the trackpad. You let out a victorious, āHah!ā which has him blinking out of his daze to follow your gesture and observe the damage, seconds too late from preventing it.
His mark stares back at him.
92%.
Gojo notices you then, which is embarrassing because he doesnāt even know your name. All he knows is that ever since the finals season began, youāve taken his spot on the fifth floor of the library, head down, brows furrowed in that cute way indicating your immense concentration as you try to visualise what youāre learning by tracing words and formulas in the air. He doesnāt stay for long but the next day youāre still there in his spot, and then the next, and then the day after.
He stopped caring about getting his spot back on the fifth day.
He finds you everywhere else, chatting with friends on the lawn outside the north biological science building, giggling over brunch in the cafeteria, the smile you flash to your friends far kinder than the one you swung at him like a weapon that day in the tutorial room.
Youāre unfair. Gorgeous, always put together, nails adorned with charms and chrome, the confident click of your heels against the pavement introducing your entrance into every building with no shame. His ears always tune him into your conversations, and on the day that he discovered you had a sense of humourāa good one too, God forbidāhe only seemed to hate you more.
Because he is unfair, yes, he knows that. But thereās something restless in his chest and youāre unfair in a similar way, but finding a fault in you would be an impossible task.
And that doesnāt swing with him.
Because sometimes, Gojo feels like a stick adrift a river. Sometimes the currents are fierce and he sways here and there, a puppet to its frivolous nature, and sometimes the waters are calm though he is no less at its mercy than before. Heāll duck his head when people talk to him, do their part in the assessment because itāll be as easy as opening his laptop and writing the first thing that comes to mind. He doesnāt care what anyone says about him, doesnāt care that they think heās quiet when truthfully, his mind is always whirring to talk to someone.
He has his friends, he has Geto, he has Shoko. And recently, it seems he has you too.
Bright, sweet, funny. You're beautiful and you donāt even know it. He leans in to the sound of your laughter, wants to feel your palm against his cheek, feel your soft pink lips against his eyelids and on his cheeks. He wants to lose himself in your voice, whether itās to scold him or praise him he doesnāt care, just wants to be close again.
āSatoru?ā
Gojo flinches, jolting up right, his hand slipping from under his chin to push up his headphones and knocking them clean off his head. They're connected by wire so he catches it easily enough, but they fall down to knock against his hand awkwardly.
He looks up, meeting your bemused eyes as you stare down at him, the sun behind you, your hair tumbling down your shoulders.
āHey,ā he says, breathlessly. āOh, uh, want to sit? I meanāwhat are you doing here? I thought you were going for lunch with⦠Shoko.ā
His words trail off uselessly when you take him up on his offer, sliding a hand to smoothen your skirt as you sit, thighs brushing his.
āIāve been trying to get Shoko and Utahime together for ages so I thought this might be a good time. Besides, I saw you from up there.ā You point up at one of the taller buildings and he mentally cheers for remembering your timetable right, fist bumping his past self for picking this spot to sun bathe.
āStalking me?ā he teases softly, eyes searching your face.
You bump your shoulder against his. āAs if. This is a chance meeting.ā
He chuckles, unable to take his eyes off you. āSo you're free for the rest of the day, then?ā
āShould be.ā
āOkay.ā
You look up at him and he whips his gaze forward.
āAre you?ā
āSorry?ā
āAre you free right now, Satoru?ā
āUhāyeah! Yes, I am. Free, that is. Iām free right now.ā He clears his throat when his voice comes out a little gravelly, ears burning as his own words come back to him. āSorry, Iām justā¦ā
Thankfully, you laugh, eyes curving into cute little crescents and he thinks that even though youāre always pretty, this might be the best look on you.Ā
āJust what?ā you ask, tilting your head. There's something unbearably fond in your expression, so unlike the start of the semester when youād barely give him the time of day.
āNothing,ā he lies instantly.
Your brows lift and he caves under the weight of that look almost at once.
āNot nothing. I meanāā He drags a hand down his face, groaning under his breath. āIām sorry, Iām just being weird today.ā
āPlease, youāre always weird.ā
He turns to you, scandalised. āYou always say such nice things.ā
You smile. āYou know what I mean.ā
He does, and thatās the problem. He knows what you mean when you call him weird, knows the exact shape of your affection when you look at him like this, all soft around the edges, voice gone warm enough to sink into. Heād call himself weird if he was in your position, perhaps crueler words, but you donāt say them even if heās deserving. It makes his chest feel too full, like thereās something alive in there clawing to get out.
For a moment, neither of you say anything. the campus hums around you in the distance, voices drift past, the rustle of leaves overhead, the low grind of a bus somewhere beyond the gates. But here, tucked away on the bench half drowned in sunlight, it feels strangely private.
You glance down at his hands. āYou okay? Youāre fidgeting.ā
He looks too. His fingers are indeed twisting the headphone wire around and around, enough that itāll probably knot if he keeps going. He stills them immediately.
āAm not.ā
You give him a look. āNervous?ā
He lets out a laugh at that, because itās either that or admit the truth and simply die on the spot. āWhat would I be nervous for?ā
Your shoulder brushes his again when you shift, and it is such a small thing, so accidental it may as well be nothing, and yet he stops breathing for a second anyway.
āI donāt know,ā you murmur. āYou tell me.ā
Gojo stares at you.
There are moments in life, he thinks, that split everything into before and after. Like how thereās before he got bit and after he got bit, those grandiose moments that define his life. This might be one of them. Maybe there will always be the version of him that sat on this bench with his heart halfway up his throat, and the version after, whatever that may look like. He hopes that version of him is smiling by the end of it.
He swallows. āActually, I've been trying to.ā
Your expression changes, playfulness softening. āTrying to tell me something?ā
āYeah.ā His voice comes out rougher than he means for it to. āYeah, Iāā
He stops. should he really start this off with āyeahā?
"Iāve kind of been meaning to sayāno, that sounds equally as stupid.ā He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. āNot stupid, justāI had this whole thing in my head, and it sounded way better in there, so now Iām trying to find it again and itās justāā
Youāre staring at him like heās hung the moon which makes things infinitely worse. Maybe thatās your default look. You do always look so pretty.
You open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it.
āNo, wait, I can do this.ā He sits up a little straighter, like the posture alone will save him. "I just need one second because I know what I want to say, I do, itās just every time I look at you, I forget how words work. Which is honestly humiliating and I probably shouldnāt have said that, so if you could stop beingāstop looking at me likeā¦ā
āLike?ā
You have to be messing with him at this point.
āJustācan I say something mean?ā
You huff, pulling back a little. āWhat the fuck?ā
āI justāI feel like I could fight with you for hours over stupid lab questions, and I always know exactly what to say then, but nowāā He shakes his head, cheeks hot. āNow I canāt even get through one sentence. So maybe if I just say something mean like I always do, I'llāā
You place a hand on his arm. āDon't ruin this. Iām not rushing you. You can take your time.ā
His body stiffens under your touch, fingers tightening around the wire in his lap. He loosens them forcefully only to tighten them again.
āI think,ā he starts, then winces. āNo, I know that when Iām with you, everything just feels different. Like, way better. I like being around you, I like hearing you talk even when youāre telling me Iām annoying, which you do a lot, by the way. I like when you laugh at me and when you give me that look on your face right before you say something mean because you look like you want to kill me and thatāsāsomething I probably deserve.ā His mouth twitches despite himself. "I like walking you home. and I like when you ask me things you couldāve easily googled just because you know I'll know the answer.ā
Thereās a small smile on your face as you lean in again, hanging off his every word.
āAnd Iāā he stumbles over the word, heart pounding in his chest. "I th-think, maybe, what Iām trying to say is that Iāā
He cuts himself off with a frustrated exhale, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead. āJesus Christ."
A laugh slips out of you and he blushes.
āDon't laugh,ā he says, mortified.
āIām not laughing at you.ā
āYou're definitely laughing at me.ā
āOkay, but only a little.ā You smile wide. āBut didnāt you say you like that about me?ā
He groans, covering his face with his hands. āThat wasnāt originally in the script.ā
āSatoru.ā
Thereās something in the way you say his name that makes him look up again at once. Youāre close now, pretty face taking up his field of vision, and he hadnāt even realised youād moved closer. Or maybe heās the one who did, unable to resist your gravity.
Your gaze drops to his mouth and then lifts again, and the world seems to narrow until it is only this bench, this sunlit patch of afternoon, the space between you shrinking into something fragile and unbearable.
He tries once more, because he has to, because if he doesnāt say it now he never will.
"I want to kiss you,ā he blurts, the words tumbling out, crooked and breathless. "I really, really want to kiss you, and iāve been trying not to notice for a while now because I wasnāt sure if I can and I wasnāt sure if youāif you maybeāand I know this is probably not the smoothest way to say this but I justāā
Wait a minute, did he end up saying āI like youā or did he just out that heās been staring at your lips for the past five minutes now?
It doesnāt seem to matter because you lean forward and kiss him.
There's no great sweep of music, no fireworks, no impossible cinematic pan out encapsulating the sun. Just you, leaning in as if it is the most natural thing in the world, one hand coming up to cup the side of his face, your lips soft against his.
Gojo stops thinking immediately.
His whole body goes rigid for one stunned second before every thought in his buzzing head simply dissipates. Heat floods him all at once, sharp and dizzying, all the way up to the tips of his ears. He's only vaguely aware that heās stopped breathing and that his eyes are open, and that he has absolutely no clue what to do with his hands.
When you pull back, only just, your thumb brushes over his cheekbone.
He stares at you.
You stare back, mouth curving into a shy smile that nearly kills him where he sits.
āSure,ā you say. āYou can kiss me.ā
He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. His face must be bright red by now because your smile grows, softer and softer, and God, if he could bottle this moment and live inside it forever, he would.
āYou kissed me,ā he says at last, intelligent as always.
"I did.ā
āOn purpose?ā
You laugh, and he thinks he might pass out. Oh yeah, he really does like it when you laugh at him. āNo Satoru, by accident.ā
He makes a strangled noise somewhere between disbelief and delight. He can feel the heat of his face, knows he probably looks ridiculous, but for once he cannot bring himself to care, not even a little. All he can do is look at you with his heart in his throat and try, with limited success, to remember how these things should go.
āOh,ā he says.
Your brows pinch together in a fond little crease. āOh?ā
āSorry, Iām still stuck on the part where you kissed me.ā
āDo you need me to do it again?ā you offer, smiling. āThough first, I think thereās something you still need to tell me. Want to give it another try?ā
Before he can answer, before he can even begin to think of an answer that wouldnāt make him sound completely insane, his phone vibrates sharply in his pocket.
The sound cuts through the moment like a blade. He freezes, recognising the sound from one of two phones he always carries with him. It continues to vibrate, and thereās only one thing he can think of as his stomach drops.
No.
Not now.
You glance down toward the noise. āYou should probably get that. It sounds urgent.ā
He nearly says no, nearly ignores it completely. But the device buzzes again, more insistently this time, and cold dread starts threading through the remains of his daze. He fumbles for it with clumsy fingers still not entirely his own, and glances down at the screen.
suguru: venom sighing @ west park
or one of his goons
get over there
All the colour drains and for one awful second, he just stares until the phone turns black and reflects his distraught expression back at him.
Youāre watching him now, the softness in your expression touched through with concern. āEverything okay, Satoru?ā
He forces a laugh that sounds thin even to his own ears. āEverything's fine, I justā¦ā his mind scrambles wildly for something plausible, something ordinary, something that wonāt make you look at him any closer than you already are and find the gaps in his lies. "Itās Suguru. He needs me.ā
That at least is believable. Suguru has needed him for stupider reasons.
āRight now?ā
Guilt crashes through him so hard it almost makes him dizzy. Because your lips are still pink from kissing him, because he hasnāt even had a chance to kiss you back properly, because this is the moment heās wanted for so long and now itās slipping through his fingers before he can hold onto it.
But people will get hurt if he doesnāt go.
āYeah,ā he says, quieter now. āIām sorry.ā
āHey.ā Your hand finds him again. āItās okay.ā
It is absolutely not okay. Still, he nods.
āI justāā He swallows. āCan Iā¦can weā¦ā
You smile, though he wonders if itās truly genuine. āYes, idiot. We can talk later. Only if you promise to call me tonight.ā
āI will,ā heās quick to say. āI promise.ā
He stands too quickly and nearly tangles himself in his own headphone wire. You hide your laugh behind your hand and he feels a fresh wave of heat climb up his neck.
āSmooth,ā you quip.
āBe nice to me,ā he mutters, trying and failing to sound offended.
You stand too, close enough that he can smell your perfume, can see the tiny details of your face that heās spent far too much time pretending not to memorise. Now that heās up, now that heās about to leave, it feels close to impossible, almost absurd like every part of him is pulled to you.
āGo,ā you say softly. āBefore Suguru gets himself in a mess.ā
He huffs out a breath. Then, because heās greedy and because youāve ruined him since a few minutes ago, he leans down and presses the quickest, clumsiest kiss to your cheek. It's barely there, gone almost as soon as it lands, but the look on your face after makes his heart stutter all over again.
āIāll definitely call you tonight. Please wait for me.ā
Gojo backs away before he can embarrass himself further or worse, before he changes his mind and decides the rest of the world can burn for ten more minutes. He wants to do something stupid like run back and kiss you properly this time like all the good movies do, but his phone feels heavy in his pocket, dragging him back to the version of himself you still donāt know.
But even as urgency takes over, even as the river current catches him by the ribs and yanks, there is one bright impossible thing lodged firmly in his chest.
You kissed him.
You kissed him.
And for the first time in a long time, Gojo thinks maybe he doesnāt mind being swept away at all.
Like a girl experiencing the lows of a situationship, your phone remains mercilessly silent the entire night. Itās the first thing you check the moment your eyes open to a new day, reaching over to check your notifications. Outlook emails, reddit notifications, and nothing from the only person you want to hear from.
Thatās fine, maybe the issue with Geto ended up being more serious than you initially assumed. Maybe he got caught up with a family emergency and passed out the second he got home. Maybe his phone died, or maybe heād been too busy to send anything more than a mental apology into the universe and hope it reached you by divine. That is to say, you hear nothing from him all night.
None of these excuses stop the ugly little feeling from settling in your chest.
Your hand closes over your phone, open to your messages with him and embarrassingly showcases or last text to him left on delivered. For a moment, you wonder if the situation is appropriate enough to double triple text considering heās already ignored your other texts, but eventually settle on nothing because no, actually, he can make the first move for once in his life. He had been the one stammering through half a confession, the one looking at you like you all devote and in awe while you only stared back mildly concerned he was going to burst a blood vessel, the one to kiss your cheek and promised to call all sweet-like. If he wants to disappear after that, then he can deal with the consequences without your help.
The presentation goes just as well as you thought it would considering youāre running on an accumulated two hours of sleep and youāre missing a partner. Considering the assessment is a pair presentation, that seems pretty bad.
You do your section first, voice steadier than you feel, though when you reach the point where heās supposed to take over, there is a split second where your whole mind goes blank. Humiliation flashes through you hot and clean because this was meant to be the two of you and everyone can see it is not. Because beneath the frustration and embarrassment, there is something much worse curling inside you now.
When you finish, the tutor thanks you with a sympathy that makes your skin crawl.
As you hurry out of the lab, every sensation is suddenly all too much. the feeling of your tote under your arm, the clacking of your shoes against the floor, the bustle of students all around and you groan when you see just how many other people are leaving the building. Your pace slows against your wishes as you attempt to weave the crowd.
He didnāt show up.
You bite your lip, hard.
He didnāt show up.
You glance down at your phone and swipe. No new notifications.
He didnāt show up.
All that talk had been nothing. He never took you seriously at all. Something akin to betrayal fills your chest and you wonder if youāre really going to start crying over a boy who has a digimon keychain on his bag. Said it gave him personality, said it was something like a photo of loved ones glanced at during a war. It's stupid, youāre stupid, you think, because how could you seriously think something new was budding there, that something was actually happening?
A hand catches your wrist in the crowd and tugs you hard to the side. You gasp as your shoulder brushes someone on the way past, the ground shifting under you before youāre pulled into the narrow strip of wall between two noticeboards and a vending machine.
āWait!ā
You wrench your arm back on instinct, breath already halfway to a sharp insult, only for it to die the second you look up.
Gojo stands in front of you, chest rising and falling too fast like he ran all the way here. His hair is a mess, his glasses slightly crooked, and thereās a stiffness to his movements. not that you care, not after this.
āAm Iāā
āYouāre late,ā you blurt, all venom and wounded pride. āActually, youāre absent because late implies you cared to show at all.ā
His expression crumbles. āI know.ā
āDo you?ā
āYes,ā he swallows, voice rough. āI know.ā
āThen what are we doing here?ā
People move around you on both sides, students flowing past in little groups, too absorbed in their own conversations to notice how your whole world has narrowed down to this one stupidly tall boy standing in front of you like he hasnāt just ripped out your heart and stomped all over it.
āSomething came up,ā he says. āI couldnāt help it.ā
You laugh, ugly and tired. āThatās crazy because something came up for me too. Does the presentation ring any bells?ā
His jaw tightens. āIām serious, something did come up otherwise I would have been here. Look, I know how this looks but my phone broke.ā
The excuse lands heavy in the silence that follows. You stare at him incredulously. Was he really giving you that excuse right now? You start to turn around from his bullshit, not trusting yourself to speak, but he reaches out and holds you there by the wrist.
āI know how it sounds, trust me, I wouldnāt believe you either If I were youāā
āYouāre right, I donāt believe you.ā
āThat's not fair,ā he says, desperate.
You take a step back, but the wall is there and the crowd is there and he is still there, looking at you with that same helpless expression from yesterday like he can plead his way back into your good graces. āYou dropped your phone? What else did you drop, your common sense? Your sense of responsibility?ā
āCome on, thatās not fair. Youāre not even letting me apologise.ā
āYou donāt have a choice,ā you snap back. You take a deep breath to reset your thoughts, exhaling out any emotion leaving your voice empty. āLook, I get it. We didn't start off on the same side and maybe you never really stopped feeling that way, even when I thought we were friends.
āY/Nāā
āMaybe it was my mistake for ever thinking that. So Iām sorry Iām so gullible.ā Once you start, you find the words rushing out without much thought. Briefly, a small voice wonders if youāre really going to crash out like this in the middle of the busy science building, but oh well. Thereās a twisted kind of satisfaction when you watch his face crumble. āI almost believed you really cared about whatever the fuck was happening between us, friendship orāwhatever the hell it was. If this was revenge for everything thatās happened before, then youāre a real piece of shit, Satoru.ā
āI said I was sorry.ā
āAnd Iām supposed to do what with that exactly?ā
āBelieve me.ā
You scoff. āWhy should I?ā
His eyes widen a fraction and you press on.
āSeriously, why? You say things and you disappear and every time something important is about to happen, you leave. You act like I matter and then the second I start to believe it, youāre gone again. So why should I believe you now?ā
āBecause Iām here now,ā he says, sharper than before.
You laugh. āNow. Youāre here now.ā
āI came as fast as I could.ā
āAnd I was supposed to know that how?ā
His nostrils flare. āWhat do you want me to say?ā
āWell, what am I supposed to think?ā you demand. āBecause right now it kind of looks like you freaked out after yesterday and decided avoiding me was easier. So it's fine. I see now that you donāt care about anything that was happening between us so, whatever. I donāt care either.ā
āThat's not true.ā Gojo forces out through clenched teeth. his face tightens and for a second, he looks angry too, and the sight of it sends a mean little thrill through your chest because good. Good. Let him feel bad. āI do care.ā
āBut not enough to show up to the day of the presentation?ā You make noise of disbelief. āNot showing up doesnāt even have anything to do with us, itās just common sense if you care about your grades like I know you do!ā
āExactly, so do you really think I wanted to miss out? Obviously I didnāt want to miss out on 20% too!ā
You canāt help it, you feel petty and latch onto his words. āOh, so thatās your biggest concern after all, huh?ā
āDon't twist my words, you brought it up first.ā He runs his free hand through his hair. āWhat are we even⦠look, I didnāt want to make you present by yourself. Something justĀ genuinely came up.ā
You find a small part of yourself believing him. āWhat came up? a family emergency?ā
He doesn't say anything. You laugh. Nothing about this is funny. You feel like youāre losing your mind. āOkay. Sure. Something came up. You definitely didnāt do this to piss me off.ā
He groans. āNot everything is about you.ā
The silence after is immediate and total. His eyes widen almost at once, horror flashing across his face like he can hear himself only after the words are already out in the world.
He takes half a step forward. āWaitāā
āOkay, great.ā
āI didnāt mean to say that.ā
āNo?ā Your laugh comes out thin and shaky. āBecause it sounded pretty clear to me.ā
āY/N.ā
āIām not making this about me, Satoru. You made it about me the second you promised something and then disappeared.ā Your voice catches, but you force it steady again. āAll I did was believe you.ā
He steps forward again, hand circling your wrist. You move to pull away but when you look up, you freeze.
He looks awful up close. Paler than usual, lips chapped, a faint shadow purpling the skin just above the collar of his shirt where fabric has shifted just enough to expose it. His hand on your wrist is warm, too warm, and his fingers are shaking.
A smarter, calmer version of you would ask why. This version however, only notices that he still wonāt answer.
āWhat?ā you ask, because your voice has to be empty or you will break. āWhat exactly do you want from me?ā
He stares at you like the answer should be obvious.
āTime,ā he says at last. āJust give me more time.ā
For one beat, two, you canāt even process his words. Then something hot and sharp tears through your chest.
āYou cannot be serious. more time?ā you repeat disbelief making the words go thin. āYou say you care, you say you were trying, and then when I ask for one actual answer you tell me to wait. Again. Gonna tell me youāll tell me later again too?ā
āJust listen to me for a second.ā
āNo.ā You take a shaky breath and it does nothing to steady you. āNo, I am so tired, Satoru. I am tired of feeling stupid around you, I always have. Iām tired of guessing and Iām tired of every conversation with you ending like this, with me standing here waiting for you to stop looking at me like thereās something youāre dying to say but you wonāt say it.ā
āThat's not what this is.ā
āThen tell me what it is!ā
āI canāt!ā
The outburst turns heads this time and people slow as they pass. He notices a second too late and drags a hand over his face, breathing hard. When he speaks again, his voice drops, but it is no less intense for it.
āI canāt,ā he repeats. āNot here. Not like this.ā
You press your lips together. āThen maybe whatever this is isnāt worth it.ā
The words shatter the conversation. You donāt mean them and you know you donāt mean them the second they leave your mouth. But youāre too proud, too hurt, to take them back and Gojo has gone still.
You watch the moment it lands, watch him stop moving altogether, even to breathe. His mouth parts then closes, and he looks at you like he doesnāt recognise you for half a second, the sight making regret flash hot and immediate through your body.
āSatoruāā
A ringtone cuts through the air and you both freeze.
The sound of the ringtone is so familiar by now, a haunting melody that signals the end of almost every conversation youāve had with him. Your eyes follow the sound to his pocket.
He told you his phone broke. Something in you just gives.
You scoff at first, then laughter quickly follows. His face falls and he knows heās lost you even before you shake his hold off, stepping back and looking away.
His hand moves toward his pocket and stops. āOkay, I know this is really bad but please just wait.āāEnough, Satoru. I donāt know why youāre even making this that big of a deal,ā you choke out, crossing your arms over your chest like itāll succeed in placing something stronger than your self-restraint between the two of you. āThe project is over whether you cared to show up or not.ā
He flinches and you can practically see him split in two, body angled toward you while something else keeps him from moving. His jaw is tight, hand flexing uselessly at his side, eyes on yours like heās trying to hold the moment together through sheer force.
āListen to meāā
āI need to get home,ā you say.
He steps forward. āIāll walk you to the station.ā
You actually laugh and when you speak, you hate how tired you sound, how flat. āWhy would you do that? I said the project is over, Gojo. And so is any reason for us to talk.
Gojo stiffens, arm falling slack to his side.
For a second, you think he might stop you or say something more. Instead, he just stands there, the phone finally gone silent in his pocket, his face stricken and too pale beneath the fluorescent lights.
You make it out of the building with your hands clenched and your mouth pressed into a thin line. The walk to the bus stop feels unreal, like moving through water. By the time you get there, your phone buzzes once and your heart lurches so hard it hurts.
shoko: u okay???
That bastard probably texted her about the situation. Of course he did. Somehow he could make time for that, but not for you. Something bitter and awful curls in your stomach.
You type back: āof course!!!!!!ā because lying is contagious apparently, and add enough exclamation marks to make it look convincing before shoving your phone into your bag and sitting down when the bus pulls up to the curb.
The doors fold close and still, stupidly, some part of you looks up expecting him to be there.
Gojo should have known the two of you wouldnāt talk after the argument.
There are no late-night calls anymore, no accidental lingering in the same space, no easy back-and-forth that used to slip so naturally between you, no watching you from the corner of his eye when he thinks you arenāt paying attention. The silence that settles in the space left behind is slow and heavy and Gojo feels like heās drowning.
He tells himself itās for the best. Maybe he flew too close to the sun and now heās melting and falling and nothing, not his spider instincts nor his web, can catch him. Youāre simply too radiant and too civilian for someone of his status quo.
But then if that was true, why does it get under his skin every time he sees you with Suguru, laughing together somewhere on campus? Why does something in him still ache whenever he comes across a tweet he knows would make you laugh, only to remember youāve blocked him? And why canāt he stop thinking about how easy it used to be between you, back when you looked at him like he was someone worth knowing, before everything got so complicated?
And if he truly believed having you is as impossible as it seemed, then why was he following you back home?
Spiderman shakes his head, wishing he didnāt have this restrictive masks on so he could run a hand through his hair and shake out his thoughts. Because he doesnāt have any ulterior motives as he follows close behind, rooftop to rooftop, as you make your way back from campus, no matter how sinister it sounds. No, heās simply making sure a kind, helpless civilian gets home safe now that the sun has set and night creeps in.
After all, youāre walking alone with your hands buried deep in your pockets and your shoulders curled in against the cold. He catches the slight shiver that runs through you, the quiet sneeze you try to stifle, the irritated little kick you give a loose rock after it nearly sent you stumbling. You look tired, closed off in a way he isnāt used to, and it hurts him to believe it might be his fault.
āThis is stupid,ā he reasons. āI look like a creep.ā
Despite the truth of his words, he lingers above you anyway, haunted by the contrast of it all, the way you once smiled at him so easily, the way your face fell when he disappointed you, the softness of your voice when you left him. You look at Spiderman with a warmth and openness you no longer spare Gojo, and he hates how selfishly relieved he is to get even that much.
Fine. If you wonāt have him as Gojo, heāll take being Spiderman.Ā
Spiderman drops down in front of you in one smooth motion, feet hitting the pavement with a soft thud. āHeyāā
You move instantly, lunging forward to grab the back of his neck, other hand on his tricep, and hook your leg behind one of his. He blinks, standing upright one moment, before you pull his leg out from under him and heās flipped onto his back on the ground.Ā
Your face softens as you look down at your perpetrator. āWhat theāSpiderman?ā
You quickly let go and step back before realising you should at least help him up. He takes your hand, standing up and rubbing his shoulder.Ā
Kind and helpless civilian, my ass.Ā
āAre you okay?ā you fuss, hands hovering uncertainly. āI mean, that was kind of your fault for scaring me though. But are you okay? Seriously, donāt do that ever again you could get hurt. But are you hurt?ā
He winces, rolling his shoulder once more before chuckling. āThere goes any worries I might have had about you.ā
āWhat are you doing here? Donāt you have a city to save?ā
Spiderman drops his hands to his side. āItās strange because it sounds like you donāt want me to be here.ā
āIt took you this long to realise?ā you tease with a smile.Ā
āActually,ā he says, quieter now, āI wanted to thank you.ā
That catches you off guard enough to still. āFor what?āĀ
āFor all the help recently.ā He lifts one shoulder in a careless half-shrug, but thereās something more deliberate under it, something oddly sincere. āI donāt usually do sidekicks. They steal all my thunder, and everybody knows the side characters end up more popular than the lead anyway. Bad for morale. But you came pretty close.ā
āThat wasā¦ā You blink. āAlmost nice. Thanks?āĀ
āDonāt get used to it. I have a reputation to maintain.ā
āIs that what this is?ā you ask. āA gratitude tour?ā
āGod, no. I do enough free labour as it is.ā He watches you laugh for a moment, eyes softening behind his mask before he says, āSo. Are you free right now?ā
You narrow your eyes immediately. āIs this another deeply scientific survey on how normal civilians spend their evenings? Because your sample size is getting weirdly specific.ā
He huffs a laugh and rocks back on his heels. āNot exactly. Although for the record, your data has been invaluable. Very compelling stuff. Lots of sarcasm. Mild threat level. Surprisingly strong upper body.ā
āFlattery is not going to save you here.ā You study him for a second. āWhat do you mean, then?ā
He gestures vaguely down the street, then up at the skyline like he hasnāt fully committed to the idea himself. āI mean⦠you look like youāve had a rough week, and Iāve had a rough week, and I thought maybe we could do something that doesnāt involve property damage or mutual yelling.ā
You raise an eyebrow. āGeez, that narrows it down a little, doesnāt it?ā
āIām being serious.ā
The joking edge in his voice softens into something a little more fragile and when you look at him more carefully, at the mask, at the battered suit, at the way heās trying to sound casual about something he clearly thought through before showing up, you feel something warm blossom in your chest.Ā
āAnd what,ā you ask slowly, ādoes Spiderman do when heās not concussed?ā
He spreads his hands. āTonight? He was hoping to take a very pretty girl on a low-budget date.āĀ
You stare at him stunned before laughing softly, looking away before flickering your gaze back. āI bet you only say stuff like that behind the mask.ā
āThat was smooth, you can be honest.ā He grins behind the mask, you can hear it in the shape of his voice. āBut that complaint doesnāt exactly sound like a no.āĀ
You look away again, toward the empty stretch of pavement ahead, the city washed in evening light and the first hints of neon waking up around you. You think of the hollow room waiting at the end of this street, your cold sheets and tear-stained pillow, and then of how light you suddenly feel standing here with him. It is not enough to erase everything, but it is enough to loosen something in your chest that has been wound painfully tight for days.
When you look back at him, youāre smiling despite yourself. āIām free.ā
āGreat,ā he says immediately, a little too fast, then reins himself back in. āGreat. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. You said yes. Thatās good, thatās great, even.āĀ
You snort. āSo where are we going?ā
He steps closer, lowering his voice like heās about to let you in on a secret. āThat depends. Are you going to scream if I say I had something less walkable in mind?ā
It takes a second for the meaning to land, and when it does you gesture sharply upward. āPlease donāt tell me youāre slinging me up there again. Thatās happened to me twice now and neither of those experiences were fun.ā
āI wouldnāt sling you,ā he says, offended. āThat sounds so careless and crass. Iād hold you very, very securely. In my arms, even.āĀ
āCan you even hold me? I just flipped you onto your back.āĀ
He laughs, then offers you his hand, gloved palm open between you. āCome on, just one swing. Iāll take it slow this time.ā
You eye his hand, then his mask, then back to his hand. āYou didnāt take it slow last time.ā
āIn my defence, we were under attack by sentient goo both times. Be gentle with me.āĀ
You hesitate before gently placing your hand in his. āFine. But if I die, Iāll come back as a supervillain and haunt you specifically.āĀ
His fingers curl around yours, warm even through the suit.Ā
āNo promises.ā
Before you can second-guess yourself, he steps in, one arm sliding around your waist with practiced ease. The closeness knocks the breath from your lungs more effectively than the sudden lift when his feet leave the ground. You make a sharp noise and grab at his shoulders.Ā
āThere it is,ā he says, voice bright with delight and close to your ear. āThatās the exact reaction I was hoping for. My masculinity is doing just great, by the way.ā
āDo not make this about you,ā you snap, though the words come out thinner than intended.
āBit hard not to,ā he says lightly. āYou are, technically, in my arms.ā
His web catches somewhere high above with a sharp thwip and you only have a moment to gasp out the beginnings of a final protest before the pavement drops away beneath you.Ā
The city opens under you in one dizzying rush, all glowing traffic and dark rooftops and windows lit gold against the deepening blue of the evening. Your stomach lurches so violently youāre certain it gets left behind somewhere around the second floor of the nearest building, and your grip on his shoulders tightens with enough force to probably leave bruises through his suit.Ā
āOh my God,ā you choke out, voice snatched by the wind. āOh my God, Iām flying. Oh my God, this is how I die.āĀ
He laughs, shameless and much too pleased with himself for someone who is holding your life in his hands. āThatās a little grim. If youād only open your eyes, youād see how beautiful it is.āĀ
āOpen my eyes?ā you repeat, incredulously. āSpiderman, my eyes will dry out and roll out of my head!ā
His hold shifts just slightly, firmer at your waist as he catches another web and swings you both into a smoother arc. āTrust me,ā he says, quieter this time, the teasing still there but softened around the edges. āJust for a second. Look.ā
You crack your eyes open in narrow slits, and for one disorienting beat all you can really see is himāmask blurred at the edges, the line of his jaw beneath it, the hood rippling back with the force of the wind. Then your gaze drifts past him, out and down and everywhere at once.
Below, the harbour stretches out, black-blue and endless, broken only by the ribbons of reflected light from the bridge and the waterfront. Boasts sit like small, blinking stars, bobbing in the gentle waves, and the skyline curves around the edge of the bay, glittering and frankly unreal.Ā
āThere,ā he says, gentler now. āThatās better. I told you Iād take it easy this time.ā
āYou said a lot of things,ā you mutter, though some of the panic has begun to leak out of your voice replaced by quiet awe. āMost of them were stupid.ā
āYeah, but were they charming stupid or just regular stupid?ā
That manages to pull a short, unwilling laugh out of you, the gesture tipping your head back to look at the sky. The first stars are visible now, faint but there, and above them the clouds are smeared thin and silver. Then you look down at the water again, at how impossibly far below it is, and somehow that distance no longer terrifies you quite as much.
The water below catches the lights in broken gold, and he swings you through another perfect arc, close enough now that you can hear the faint slap of waves against the pylons. The city around you glitters as the sky deepens. His arm around your waist stays firm and sure, and with every swing your fear ebbs a little more, making room for something warm and foreign.Ā
He must feel the change in you because after a moment, he turns his head just enough for his voice to reach you clearly.Ā
āOkay,ā he says. āNow that you trust me a little more, let me take you somewhere.āĀ
You lift your head to look at him. āSomewhere? I thought this was the date.āĀ
āThis is the foreplay.āĀ
You grimace, wishing you werenāt being held hostage miles above deep water to pull back. āAnd just like that, Iām dry.āĀ
He laughs, the sound warm and easy. āBut your complaining has finally stopped so Iād take that as a win. And for the record, I meant thereās more I still want to show you. Iām not blowing my entire budget on just one dramatic entrance.ā
The next arc carries you around the edge of a low building, and then the shape of it begins to emerge properly. The amusement park stretches out in front of you, lights flickering on as dusk settles fully. The ferris wheel looms overhead, its metal frame catching the last of the sunset, and with most of the rides closed, the whole place feels strangely eerie in its emptiness. But then the water catches the light in soft ripples, the sky deepens into indigo, the first stars begin to blink into view, and it becomes something quietly beautiful.Ā
Spiderman watches you from the side, the light from the nearest streetlights in your eyes. His body is uncharacteristically still, mask tilted toward you.Ā
āWoah,ā you breathe out at last.Ā
His shoulders relax just a fraction.Ā
āYeah,ā he says softly. āThought you might like it. And look, I reserved the entire place out for you. Itās all yours for the entire night.ā
āThatās because itās closed.āĀ
He grins and holds out his hand. āCome on. I know a way for you to get a view of the city high up and without your eyeballs drying out on you. Iām trying to be accommodating now that I know youāre apparently very fragile about flying.ā
āAs any normal person would, I fear.āĀ
You eye his outstretched hand and then at the pier around you. The place feels suspended in time, the shuttered stalls, the way the lights glow without the usual crowds to dull them.Ā
āYouāre very confident for someone who almost got flipped onto concrete five minutes ago,ā you say, but take his hand anyway.Ā
āWhat can I say?ā he shrugs, fingers warm as he interlaces them. āI trust you not to do it again. Weāre close like that, right? But seriously, can we stop bringing that up? Itās a sensitive topic for me.āĀ
He leads you past a locked gate, showing off his lockpicking skills which prompts a raised brow and not the fawning he had initially expected, then to another gate to which you just had to look away from while he broke in. You walk beside him until heās standing beneath the ferris wheel, metal bones creaking softly.Ā
Spiderman glances up then looks back down at you, holding out his hand in a flourish.Ā
āMy lady,ā he says, dipping his head. āWould you care to have a go?āĀ
āReal original,ā you say but donāt protest when he guides you into one of the empty carriages.Ā
It sways slightly as you settle in, the door closing with a soft sound. Then the wheel jerks once, twice, then starts moving ever so slowly. Your breath catches as the ground drifts away, the pier shrinking beneath, lights blurring into a soft constellation of their own. Thereās no rush like when you were swinging, just a gentle, steady climb lifting you above the city skyline.
You lean forward, hands gripping the edge of the carriage as the city opens up before you. It stretches out endlessly, lights scattered like spilled glitter, the dark water reflecting everything through a dreamy haze.Ā
āIs this what you see everyday?ā you ask.Ā
Spiderman hums, relaxing into the seat opposite you āMaybe something close adjacent.ā
āWell itās gorgeous. I canāt believe I forgot how freeing it feels to go to amusement parks. Thereās just something about being so high up, you know? But I guess I donāt need to be telling you that.āĀ
āEnamoured already? We havenāt even reached the top yet.ā He stares at you for a moment. āOkay, pop quiz. Which do you like better, the ferris wheel or the swinging?āĀ
āDefinitely the ferris wheel.ā
āThat hurts.ā
You glance back at him over your shoulder to shoot him a cheeky grin. āWhy are you sitting on the other side? Is the view better over there?ā
He tilts his head and looks at you for a beat too long. āYeah,ā he says at last. āItās pretty.ā
He doesnāt pull his gaze away from you and it takes a second for the words to land properly, and another second for the warmth in your face to catch up with them. You laugh softly, more because you need somewhere to put the sudden nervousness than because itās especially funny.
āYouāre really pulling out all the stops today, arenāt you?ā Your gaze flicker from the view back to him. āIs this something you do with all the civilians you save? Iād hate to embarrass myself by thinking Iām special.āĀ
āWould you compliment me back if I said it was just you?āĀ
āMaybe. Are you telling the truth?āĀ
āYes.ā He turns his body slightly so he can rest his elbow on the back of the seat, unabashedly staring right at you. āItās just you.ā
The carriage creaks softly. The wheel keeps turning and somewhere below, music too faint to make out drifts from some unseen speaker, somewhat staticky and distant.Ā
With nothing else to do, you laugh again, buying you some much needed time to figure out what to say next. āIf you needed a boost to your ego, you could have just said so. You didnāt have to bring me to a half-abandoned amusement park and make me stare at the harbour to get it.ā
āAnd the compliment?ā
āI guess youāre not as annoying as I initially assumed you were.āĀ
āMy ego definitely does not need the help,ā he says easily. āAnd what kind of compliment is that? Give me something a little more impersonal.ā
āYouāre humble,ā you observe with a good mannered snort.Ā
āIt comes with the whole superhero thing.ā He continues to watch you until he realises that this prolonged eye contact should come with some form of conversation.
Spiderman sits up a little, crossing one leg over the other. HIs ankle dangles and bumps into yours, a mere accident that makes you freeze so your body doesnāt move away.
āHow have you been doing?ā he asks, and the question comes out with an almost awkward plainness to it, stripped of the usual easy swagger. A second later he seems to hear himself and tries to recover, lifting one shoulder. āYou seem a little quieter than usual. Not that Iāve been paying attention or anything. I just have, you know, a lot of care for the citizens of this city.ā
The ferris wheel creaks as it carries you both a little higher, the lights of the pier shifting below in soft, sleepy colours. He watches you for a beat too long, and you know the joke gave him cover, but not much. The question is still sitting there between you, small and strangely careful.
You glance at him. āThat was subtle. Really invisible work there.ā
āThank you,ā he says. āI pride myself on my restraint. I couldāve been much creepier about it.ā
āIām sure that was difficult for you.ā
āIt was,ā he says with a sigh. āYou have no idea how hard Iām working right now to seem normal.ā
You look back out over the water, the lights trembling across the surface. āIāve been fine. Thatās the official answer.ā
āI think Iāve earned myself the unofficial answer,ā he says quietly.Ā
You fold your arms loosely over your middle. āItās ridiculously stupid. Like, who hangs out with a superhero and starts ranting about their situationship?ā
He makes a little choked sound which makes you look over in concern. He quickly covers his mouth and waves you on. āSituationship? I didnāt know it would have counted as a situationship.ā
You frown because what exactly does he know about what āitā is? āItās 2026, everyoneās idea of love is warped. If it doesnāt have a label then people will just slap the word āsituationshipā over it and pray for the best.ā
āRight, right. Please continue.āĀ
āWell, there was someone. Obviously.ā You stop and let out a sigh, slumping. āOr maybe there wasnāt and I just made him into someone in my head. I canāt really tell anymore, itās all just so messy. I thought maybe there was something there, I thought that was what everything was building up towards and then⦠we had this argument and it was honestly embarrassing looking back at it and now we donāt talk. So.āĀ
āDid you want there to be something?āĀ
Ignoring the fact that youāre having a love life talk with Spiderman, of all people, you answer honestly. āOf course. I wouldnāt be this annoyed if I didnāt.ā
Spiderman lets his head knock against the window as he groans. āOkay. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. Of course you wanted something, of course.ā
You glance sideways at him. āWhy do you sound like that?āĀ
āSecond-hand sorrow.ā
āI think they call that empathy.ā
āI just think,ā he says, his voice a little rougher now, āit wouldāve been easier if youād said no. Iām only saying that because Iām looking out for you, obviously. As a public servant.ā
You snort despite yourself but the heaviness settles back in quickly enough. āIt would have been easier if he just kept being an asshole like when it all started. If heād just kept being a dick, then fine, whatever, I could have lived with that if I never found out the kind of guy he is. But he wasn't, he ended up being kind. And funny. And actually decent and that really pisses me off. He made me hopeful and I think that might be the worst part.ā
Spiderman goes very still across from you, shoulders pulling tighter and chin dipping just slightly so heās staring a hole through the floor of the carriage. When he finally speaks, his voice has gone quieter.
āYeah,ā he says. āThat does sound pretty bad. Especially if he knew what he was doing.ā
You frown. āI donāt even know if he did. I canāt tell if he was just oblivious, or if he really did mean something by it but then freaked himself over nothing.ā
āThatās not better,ā Spiderman retorts. āThat makes him sound very pathetic.ā
You look at him properly now, the dim lights from below catching on the higher points of his face. āYouāre taking this really personally for someone who doesnāt know him.ā
He lets out a short laugh. āMaybe I just have strong opinions about men disappointing women. Somebody has to, the bar is in hell.ā
You exhale a laugh through your nose. āExactly.ā
The carriage gives a small creak as it keeps moving and for a few creaky moments, neither of you say anything. The quiet isnāt awkward, and he hasnāt said enough to put you in your thoughts, but itās quiet anyway. Then Spiderman clears his throat and leans forward, elbow braced on his knees.
āOkay, Iām going to say one more thing about it and then Iām going to stop being so emotionally available. It feels a little off brand to what we have going on.ā
You snort. āSure, go for it.ā
āI think,ā he starts carefully, āthat if someone made you feel seen and hopeful for more and then disappeared, youāre allowed to think heās a jerk. You donāt have to make excuses just because he also had some good qualities. Because being kind in some moments doesnāt cancel out making you feel abandoned in others. But maybeā¦ā
He takes a breath. āDonāt give up on him. Please.ā
For some reason, the sincerity in his voice makes you pause.
Damn, so even superheroes experience situationships? Because he sounded really invested just then in a way that can only be explained as first-hand experience. You wonder what kind of person could break Spidermanās heart like that.
āThanks for the love advice, Spiderman.ā
He nods solemnly. āNo problem.ā
And because the entire situation is simply too ridiculous to keep a straight face, you laugh. He smiles too, watching you for a moment before letting out his own laugh.
āThere you are,ā he says. āI was wondering what other crimes Iād have to commit tonight to fix the mood.ā
āWeāre going to have to circle back and talk about the lockpicking eventually.ā
āAs long as it isnāt today.ā
The carriage gives a gentler, longer groan as it continues descending. You let your head tip back against the seat and, almost absentmindedly, your eyes drift out toward the skyline again. You frown.
āOh.ā
He looks out too. āThat sounded like a bad oh. What kind of oh was that?ā
You look past him, past the window, toward the stretch of harbour and the city beyond. āI think we missed the top.ā
He blinks. āWhat?ā
āThe peak,ā you say, sitting forward. āThe very top of the ferris wheel? We were talking and I didnāt even notice weād already gone over it.ā
āOh wow, that guy is the worst. He stole your ferris wheel climax too.ā
āIs it also part of your superhero job description to ruin every moment with some sexual innuendo?ā
He lifts both hands. āOkay, fair, Iām having a bad wording night. But this is hard on me okay? I arrange a beautiful nighttime ferris wheel, I listen supportively while you talk about another man, and still somehow Iām the bad guy.ā
āRight? How do you do it?ā
The carriage is nearly at the bottom now. Below, the pier glows in soft strings of light and you feel a strange sense of finality when it shudders to a stop. Before you can maneuver around a āthanks for tonight, see you first thing in the morning!ā, Spiderman leans forward.
āDonāt look so ready to go just yet, thereās still the aftercare part.ā
You sigh but donāt berate him. āThereās still more? Someone save me.ā
The carriage door clicks open with a soft metallic sound. He stands first and offers you his hand again, less theatrical this time, and more sincere.
āCome on,ā he says, voice soft in the wind. āDonāt go home yet. Stay with me a little longer, thatās all Iām asking. Let me be the part of tonight you remember better.ā
You look at the hand heās still holding half between you. Then, before you can overthink it, you slip your hand into his.
āBut only because Iām curious what exactly counts as better.ā
He turns his hand, catching yours properly, and something in your stomach flips at the gesture.
āGood,ā he says, low and warm. āBecause Iāve been trying very hard all night not to ask too obviously.ā
You lied before. Swinging is leaps and bounds better than sitting stationary in a small carriage inching along at a snailās pace. Itās exhilarating and freeing, and yes, your eyes still hurt when you open them too wide, but youāve figured out the perfect amount of squinting to keep them from tearing up. Instead, you whoop and cheer as he swings you in high arcs and dramatic drops, skimming close enough to the ground that you might believe the end of your life is waiting there, if not for your growing trust that Spiderman will always pull you back up.
Half your screams are still terror, though.
Spiderman isnāt silent either. He laughs right into your ear when you cling to him tighter, praises you when you throw your head back and cheer, and points out his favourite places to sit and watch the sunrise. He complains that the cityās architecture doesnāt cater nearly enough to his swinging needs, as though that should have been a priority in urban planning. He carries you over a football stadium and you marvel at its size, the bright field below looking almost unreal from up here.
āThink you can handle a little more?ā he murmurs against your ear.
High on adrenaline, you nod against his neck.
Then he drops you.
His arms slide out from under your knees and he quickly unwinds your hands from around his neck. One moment you are safe in his hold, and the next you are falling, a heavy body surrendered to gravity as the ground rushes up to meet you. Your scream could wake the whole city if it were not already awake.
You look up. The sky above is vast, endless, strewn with stars so beautiful they almost make you forget the terror roaring through you. The wind screams in your ears, your clothes snapping against your body, and somewhere inside the panic there is a strange, suspended calm that feels almost like freedom.
Just before the ground can meet your back, Spiderman swoops in from the side and catches you cleanly in his arms. The force of it steals another cry from you, but then he is already pulling you upward again, the momentum sweeping you into another great arc before gravity draws you back, over and over until the motion finally begins to slow.
For one suspended moment, the two of you dangle in the air, saved from certain death by nothing but the web shot from his wrists. Metres above the ground, your life held so easily in someone elseās hands, you find that you feel no fear at all.
In fact, you are laughing.
It starts as a breathless, disbelieving sound, then spills into something uncontrollable, and he chuckles at first before his own laughter joins yours. You laugh until your lungs ache, until your face hurts, until all you can feel is the warmth of his breath against your cheek and the solid certainty of his arms around your back.
He makes no move to set you down or sling you back to safety. Instead, he only keeps you there, held against his chest, his masked face angled down toward yours. You want to believe he is looking at you the way you are looking at him, full of wonder and something even softer than that, but it is hard to be certain when his face is hidden.
Your laughter dwindles into one last helpless giggle as you peer up at him. āNice catch.ā
Your gaze drops from the white of his eyes to the shape of the mask stretched over the bridge of his nose, the faint outline of his mouth beneath the fabric. There has not been a single moment in your strange, ridiculous friendship with Spiderman when you have been so curious about who he is under that mask.
āThanks,ā he says, his voice warm and low. āI kind of do this for a living.ā
You laugh softly, and he shivers when your breath mists against the fabric over his lips.
āDo you remember when you first saved me?ā you ask.
āYes, I slammed into a bus stop and ruined it forever. I also remember telling you to never mention that again,ā he says immediately.
You nod, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. āWe were so different back then. I almost thought you were shy the amount of times you ran away.ā
He is quiet for just long enough to make your chest tighten. Then, softly, āPretty girls fluster me.ā
You snort, but thereās no hiding the warmth that spreads across your face, and for once you make no move to cover it. Let him see it. Let him know the effect he has on you, just how fiercely this thing burns within you, this aching desire to hold him close, to whisper his name and feel him shiver beneath your touch.
Slowly, as if afraid to snap the fragile thread of tension between you, you pull your hand away from your chest and trail it up the side of his neck, your touch feather-light.
You hear his breath catch. Feel it, too.
Your fingers drift higher until your palm cups his cheek through the mask. āI want to know who you are,ā you say softly.
He flinches. āYou canāt.ā
āWhy not?ā you ask, voice gentle. āYou donāt trust me?ā
āThatās not it.ā
āReally?ā Your thumb brushes the edge of his jaw. āBecause I wouldāve accepted that as an answer.ā
He goes oddly still. āWhat?ā
Spidermanās stunned silence makes you smile, and a quiet laugh slips out of you at how easy he is to read despite the mask. āWhatās wrong? Iāve read the comics. Iāve seen the movies. I know what happens when the superhero reveals his identity.ā You tip your head, eyes never leaving him. āSomething bad always follows. Itās like punishment for their hubris. The main companion dies, or the hero has to choose between their lover and the world. It always ends in tragedy.ā
He recovers quickly enough, his arms tightening around your waist as if instinctively holding you closer. āYou think I couldnāt save both you and the world?ā
You ignore the implications of his words, biting back a smile. āAnd that would be the hubris part.ā
He scoffs, though the sound comes out a touch too strained to be convincing. āThatās not why I canāt tell you my identity, princess.ā
āThen tell me why.ā Your voice drops lower, soft as breath. āBecause right now it feels like youāre making up rules as you go.ā
He hesitates. It is brief, but not brief enough.
āYou wouldnātā¦ā He swallows. āYou wouldnāt feel the same. It would change things. It would change whatever this is.ā
You go quiet at that, mulling the words over. Then your hands drift from his neck to rest lightly against his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall beneath the suit.
Looking up at him, you hum. āDo I know you?ā
Spiderman flinches again. āNo.ā
You laugh softly at how bad he is at lying. āAlright. Are we friends?ā
He doesnāt react quite as strongly to that, which tells you enough to keep going.
āDo we not get along?ā
āHold onāā
You immediately compose a mental list of all those who had once wronged you in some way. Some were easy to recall, their offences more recent like the cyclist that had rode past you one morning and knocked your coffee out of your hands leaving you confused and uncaffeinated for class, or your neighbour who is always throwing parties. Maybe itās someone closer to you than that, like Naoya, or Toji, or Mei Mei, or that old lady that always comes in at 8am on a Thursday and routinely complains about her coffee not being hot enough. You frown at that last thought and Spiderman catches it, opening his mouth to stop you.
āAre you a student, orāā
He hisses loud enough to cut you off. āDonāt guess. Donāt you dare. If you have to know, itāll be because I told you, not because you stumbled into it by accident.ā He pauses, then adds, more mutinously, āAnd I definitely donāt need to hear who you think I am. Iām sure you can imagine how terrible that might be for my ego.ā
You tilt your head, amused. āI get that, but I was only going to ask ifāā
āNo.ā
āBut Iāā
āI said no.ā
āSpiderman.ā Your tone sharpens just enough to shut him up. āI was going to ask if youāre that old lady who always demands her coffee be molten before I hand it over. You know, the one who acts like I personally invented workplace safety regulations.ā
Spiderman doesnāt say anything for a long while. āWhat?ā
You laugh under your breath. āI definitely told you about her before. Orāā you pause, smiling to yourself, ātold you about you, maybe. The one who always comes through drive-thru.ā
āPrincess,ā he says dryly, āI am not sixty years old.ā
āPerfect,ā you reply. āThen Iām sure I wouldnāt otherwise care who you are.ā
And then heās laughing. It bursts out of him bright and helpless, so sudden and genuine that it makes something in your chest go warm and dizzy. His head tips back, the white lenses of the mask curving with the shape of his smile, and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep your own grin from widening too much. If he laughed in your face every day for the rest of your life, you think you might let him, if only to know that thisāhim, here, nowāis real.
Heās talking again, you realise belatedly, his mask shifting with the movement of his mouth, but the words barely register. Youāre too busy watching the fabric stretch and crease, too aware of how close he is, how little separates you now.
Your fingers trail back up the side of his neck, and that silences him instantly.
Despite all his earlier objections, he stills completely when your hand settles there. Your thumb grazes the seam where mask meets suit, and you stop, glancing up at him.
āCan I?ā
āYou canāt,ā he whispers, just as softly, though he doesnāt move away. If anything, his hand only tightens on your waist.
āI wonāt look, I promise.ā Your thumb traces small circles against his neck, your gaze locked on his. āI just want to touch you.ā
He shivers. You feel it run through him, sharp and involuntary.
He says your name in a low rumble, the sound almost enough to undo you on its own. āThis is a bad idea.ā
āIf you tell me to stop, I will.ā Looking down, you slip the tip of your finger beneath the narrow break between his bodysuit and the edge of his mask.
āMy arm is going to cramp,ā he mutters weakly, and the attempt at humour only makes your smile deepen.
You begin to peel the mask back. Just a little at first, just enough to reveal the bare line of his neck and feel the tense muscle there. Your fingertips glide over the exposed skin, and his breath catches again, but he still doesnāt stop you.
You wonder how far heāll let you go.
You lift the mask higher, over the line of his jaw, and your eyes snag there before they can help it. Then over his mouth, where you pause for the briefest second, struck silent by the sight of him, before leaving the fabric gathered just beneath his nose.
He tries for a smirk and you watch it form. āWas that all you wanted to see?ā
You lean in slowly, stopping just short of him to gauge his reaction. When he doesnāt move away, you close the distance until your nose brushes his.
āFor now,ā you whisper.
His eyes search yours through the mask, and whatever he finds there makes his mouth flatten into something almost pained.
āIām not going to do anything you donāt want,ā you murmur, and though you mean it, there is a terrible hollow ache opening in your chest now. Gojoās face flashes uninvited through your mind and you shove it back, determined to bury it, though itās clear enough from the way Spiderman goes tense that you havenāt done nearly as good a job as youād hoped.
You donāt want to use him like this.
Over the past few months, Spiderman has become something steady in your life, a source of comfort in ways you never expected. Maybe it is because he has no face, no fixed place in your world, no history to complicate things. Maybe thatās why you have been able to tell him things you canāt even bring yourself to say to your friends.
And now you are asking him for something you cannot take back. Still, your fingers curl into the fabric of his suit.
āPlease.ā
He moves before you can prepare for it, leaning in so suddenly your breath catches, your startled yelp cut off by the harsh press of his lips against yours.
For one disorienting second, all thought disappears. Then he kisses you again, harder this time, and your hand flies up to hold him there, fingers tangling against his neck as though you can keep the moment from slipping away. His mouth is warm and real and a little clumsy with restraint, like he wants more and is trying very hard not to take it. The hand at your waist tightens, enough to make your pulse jump.
And then he groans into the kiss, fierce and guttural before pulling away. The break leaves you both panting.
You donāt speak at first but neither does he. You just stare at one another, lips swollen, breath unsteady, the last minute catching up all at once in a rush so overwhelming it feels almost unreal.You are already leaning in again before you fully register it, drawn by instinct more than thought, wanting to close the distance and do it all overā
When suddenly gravity shifts.
You let out a startled scream as the ground drops from under you and you pitch forward into him. His arms close around you automatically, holding you flush against his chest as the city begins to move beneath you.
āWhat are youāā
āIām taking you back,ā he says, voice rough.
āWhat?ā You twist, trying to look up at him, but he keeps you tucked in tight against him. āWait a minute!ā
āIām dropping you back at your dorm.ā
āHold on a second!ā
āI canāt.ā The words come out strained, almost frayed at the edges, and because his voice sounds like thatābecause the kiss is still there between you, lingering like heatāyou let your protests falter.
The flight back is too quick. When he finally sets you down outside your dorm, your legs feel unsteady for more reasons than one. The second your feet hit the ground, your hands shoot to his arms, keeping hold so he canāt just disappear again.
āYou didnāt want it?ā
He doesnāt answer immediately, but with the mask still pushed halfway up, you see the way his jaw clenches.
The truth hits you all at once, sharp and humiliating and you find your lips, once pressed against him, now forming the sound of an apology. āIām sorry it was bad.ā
He makes a vague movement, like he wants to run a hand through his hair and has only just remembered the mask. āThatās not it.ā
āThen what is it?ā The desperation in your voice makes you cringe the moment you hear it, but itās too late to take back.
He looks at you for a long, silent moment, and when he finally speaks, his voice is unbearably soft.
āYou said it yourself, didnāt you? Revealing my identity would only hurt you.ā
Your grip on his arms tightens. āIām fine with that. I donāt need to know who you are. It doesnāt matter.ā The words rush out now, tripping over each other. āThe one Iāā You falter, heart hammering. āThe one I care about is you.ā
Spiderman watches you wordlessly as you trip over your own tongue. Then, after a beat that feels much longer than it is, he says, āI never said it was your mistake.ā
You inhale sharply and, before you can think better of it, lean in and steal a kiss from his lips. There isnāt enough time to consider what the hell youāre doing because he answers immediately.
Whatever hesitation heād been clinging to burns away the second your mouth meets his, seared off by heat and want and the unmistakable fact that this is really happening. This kiss is nothing like the last. It is harder, hungrier, and when his hand catches your wrist to pull you closer, it still doesnāt feel like enough. A low groan tears from him into your mouth, impatient and wrecked, and then heās biting lightly at your bottom lip as though restraint is already slipping through his fingers.
You gasp, and he takes the invitation immediately. His tongue sweeps into your mouth, coaxing every breathless sound from you until your whimpers are swallowed down by him. Still, it isnāt enough. How could it be? Not when he finally has you in his arms like this after wanting you for so long, after all the distance and hurt and wrong timing. His body urges you back a step, then another, until your shoulders brush the wall and he follows, crowding you there.
His hands slide up your waist and back down again, settling hard at your hips, while the other cups your jaw to hold you steady for the fierce, dizzying press of his mouth. You cling to him like he is the only solid thing in the world, and maybe right now he is. Your knees have gone weak enough that you donāt trust them to hold you without him.
A crash sounds somewhere in the alley below.
You jolt, teeth catching accidentally against his lip. He groans at the sting but pulls back, shooting the darkness beyond the window a withering glare like he could kill whatever interrupted him. You follow his line of sight, but nothing else happens. The alley settles back into stillness. After a second, he exhales and leans down until his forehead rests against yours.
āYou should probably check that out,ā you murmur, more to break the thick, dizzy silence than out of any real conviction.
He hums, the sound warm against your skin. āThen why arenāt you letting me go?ā
Only then do you realise your fingers have curled tight into the front of his suit. They only tighten further, pathetic and needy in a way youād usually hate, but his answering chuckle is filthy and starved enough to make warmth bloom through you.
āStay,ā you whisper.
āOkay,ā he says softly. āI wonāt go.ā
You shake your head and lift it just enough to meet the white gaze of his mask, your own eyes dropping to his mouth for the briefest second. āNo. Stay.ā
He doesnāt need to be told twice.
His hand slips from your cheek and a second later a web shoots from his wrist and catches on the frame of your third-floor window. His other arm locks around you and suddenly heās lifting you with him.
Getting through the window is clumsy and breathless and far less graceful than the way he moves through the city. One of your shoes catches on the ledge, his shoulder bumps the frame, and you have to slap a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from laughing too loudly. It feels absurdly scandalous, sneaking through your own window like this, and the absurdity only makes it worse.
He climbs in first, then turns immediately and offers you his hand. You take it with less hesitation than before, and he guides you through carefully, steadying you the moment your feet touch the floor, and for a second he doesnāt let go. He just keeps hold of you, standing close in the dimness of your room, eyes fixed on your face.
āAre you sure?ā he asks.
You donāt hesitate. āI wouldnāt have kissed you if I wasnāt.ā
Something in him softens at that, though his voice stays low. āI still canāt let you see me.ā
You shake your head and close your eyes before your nerve can fail you. Your hands rise to the seam of his mask. āTrust me.ā
And because he does, he lets you pull it away.
Truthfully, thereās a moment where temptation almost gets the better of you. He's right there, close enough to touch, close enough that you can feel the warmth of his skin and the shape of his mouth. Youāre touching him, your tongue has been inside his mouth and now you know his taste intimately. All it would take is a moment of weakness and the opening of your eyes to finally know who has been under the mask this entire time. Just one peek, one action to end the curiosity. Still, you hold yourself back.
Donāt ruin the moment.
A soft chuckle brushes your lips, his bare breath warm against them now that the mask is out of the way. You steady your hands against his chest and feel the frantic pound of his heart beneath your palms. He shivers at the contact.
He tries to be patient, he really does. Tries to make this moment careful, almost reverent, like you deserve. But Gojo is greedy. Heās greedy for your attention, for the spark in your eyes to flare up the moment his eyes lock on yours, heās greedy for your touch, the brushing of fingers when you pass him his coffee in the morning, for that smile that you only ever seem to give him when heās Spiderman. He is greedy for this version of you, soft and wanting and close enough to ruin him.
His brow twitches, something cruel twisting in his stomach and he traces the seam of your lips with his tongue, pushing in even before you open your mouth to him.
His tongue finds yours again before he can stop himself, the kiss turning deeper, hungrier. He presses you back against the window, one hand bracing against the sill behind you so the edge doesnāt dig into your spine while the other settles hard at your waist. He devours you completely, nothing tentative about him now. He kisses you like heās starving as all his late night fantasies, your name on his tongue and his hand wrapped around his cock, become finally realised when he tastes you.
You lightly tap his arm, and he pulls back to let you breathe but his lips donāt leave you for long.
āGod, I've wanted you for so long.ā he nuzzles your neck, inhaling your scent deeply. His hardness presses against your thigh, leaving you with no doubts about his words. "I canāt stop thinking about you, every time I close my eyes, youāre there. You're haunting me.ā He continues to confess between heated kisses along your jawline.
The utter longing in his voice, the depraved desperation as he presses impossibly closer, hands wanting to trace up your side but to also push you up into him, the heat of his mouth against your pulse point, itās all too much and you let out a whimper.
He groans softly against your skin, his restraint fraying even further at the noise.
āStop teasing me,ā you gasp, tilting your head to give him more room and hating how needy you sound.
His answer is rough and low. "I canāt help it.ā
Deciding youāve had enough of him making you melt where you stand, you push at him instead. He lets himself be moved, following your blind guidance as you walk him backwards toward where you think your bed is. When the backs of his legs hit the mattress, he sits, and his fingers curl around your wrist to tug you closer between his knees.
Your hands find his face again, fumbling slightly as they trace bare skin for the first time. The line of his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, the shape of a face you still refuse to see. He lets you explore him in silence, stilling beneath your touch in a way that feels almost unbearably intimate, pressing a kiss to your palm when your hand drifts closer to his mouth.
Your fingers linger on the warmth of his skin, tracing the soft curve of his lips before dipping lower, brushing against the sharp line of his jaw. He's so still under your touch, like he's afraid one wrong move will shatter this fragile moment, and it sends a thrill through youāthe power you hold, even blinded. With your eyes closed, it blocks out everything but sensation, heightening every graze of your fingertips, every hitch in his breath. You can feel the rapid thump of his pulse beneath your palm, matching the frantic beat of your own heart.
He tilts his head slightly, nuzzling into your hand like a dog seeking affection, and the vulnerability in that small gesture makes your chest tighten. This masked hero, the one who swings through the city saving lives, is reduced to thisāpanting softly, body tense with barely contained need. It's intoxicating, knowing you can unravel him like this.
āYou're killing me,ā he murmurs, voice rough and low, laced with that desperate edge that makes your core clench. His hands slide up your thighs, thumbs pressing into the soft flesh just below the hem of your skirt, not pushing further but holding you there, grounding himself. āPlease donāt stop here, touch me more.ā
Your finger grazes his boner through the tight fabric of his suit and he hisses, bowing inward.
āShit!ā
You pause. āA thought has occurred.ā
He lets out a long suffering sigh. āPlease donāt ruin the mood.ā
You laugh softly, dragging your nails over his erection over and over, drinking in every flinch you feel from where youāre pressed against him. āI canāt help you if youāre still in this⦠spandex.ā
Spiderman huffs again but you feel him pull back and unzip his suit, wherever that zipper might be. āIām so glad you canāt see me right now. There was no way I could get out of this suit in a hot way.ā
āTrust me, my imagination isnāt doing you any favours either.ā You pause. āDo you have to wear a thong under your suit?ā
āThe mood was really good five seconds ago. Don't ruin it because youāre curious about what Iām wearing underneath.ā
You giggle and your nerves evaporate. Sure, youāre about to have sex with the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman and that might forever change the trajectory of your relationship with him, but at least itās still him. When he sits back on the bed and guides you forward, you follow him without a second thought and kneel between his legs.
āWhat are youāoh fuck.ā He inhales sharply, hands never leaving you for long as they find purchase in your hair. āFuck, you look so pretty.ā
His thumb traces your bottom lip, feeling it give way under his touch. He curses again. āI need your mouth on me, pretty girl.ā
You laugh at his eagerness and reward his honesty with your hands down his chest, breath quickening when he lets out a small sigh as your fingers graze his lower stomach. You allow yourself the time to trail a finger down his bare chest now that he is free from his spandex, marveling at the muscle you find tensing under your touch.
Eventually, you find the waistband of his boxers. āSo you do wear boxers?ā
āY/N, please. The mood.ā
You tug his boxers down, slightly upset you canāt see the way his cock swings up, finally free from its restraints. The sounds he makes compensates and you find it hard to stay disappointed as he groans, the hand in your hair closing around to tug you impatiently towards his dick.
āSorry,ā he mumbles, eyes heavy-lidded as he watches you. Despite his apology, he doesnāt make an effort to loosen his hold that much.Ā
You drag your hands up his thighs to find where they converge. You wrap your fingers around him, feeling out his shape. If he asked in that narcissistic way of his, youād tell him heās average size. Truthfully, heās thicker and longer than youād dare to admit, the slight curve a feature that has you pressing your thighs together.
He bucks involuntarily, a whine escaping his lips that sounds so damn needy it makes you wetter.
āTake your time,ā he manages to grit out though itās breathless. āIām not going anywhere.ā
You wonder who heās talking to because youāre sure as hell not going to take your time. Instead, you lean in closer, your breath ghosting his length and smell himāmusky and hot after being trapped in that suit for so long.
āYouāre shaking already,ā you whisper. āHavenāt you ever had a girl on her knees for you?ā
He doesn't answer, just lets out a shaky exhale, his hands fisting the sheets beside him. The silence is answer enough, and it makes you laugh, hard enough to be distracted by the pathetic twitch his cock gives at his own humiliation.
āNo way? The amazing Spiderman gets no game? My god, I almost feel sorry for you,ā you coo mockingly, tongue flicking out to lap at the bead of pre-cum on his tip. He jolts, a strangled gasp ripping from his throat, you smile against his flushed skin. āAll that heroic web-slinging but no oneās ever taken care of this?ā
Before he can respond, you take him into your mouth, lips sealing around the head as you suck gently. He tastes salty and slightly bitter, but the way he gasps all high and desperate makes you hum in approval, the vibration drawing another shiver from him. Your hands brace on his thighs, nails digging in as you bob your head, taking him deeper inch by inch. Heās not huge but heās certainly responsive, hips twitching like he canāt help it, fucking shallowly into your mouth.
āShitāoh God, your mouth!ā His words dissolve into a groan, his hand tightening in your messy strands.
You hollow your cheeks, tongue swirling around the underside, tracing the vein that pulses against it. With your eyes closed, every sensation is amplified, the wet sounds of your sucking, the salty drip down your throat, the way his cock twitches on your tongue.
You pull back slightly, letting spit string from your lips to his tip, and pump him with your hand, remembering to twist a little at the top.
āThereās no way youāre going to cum already, are you?ā Once again, you desperately wish to see him, to see him writhing under your touch, flushed with his eyes rolling back.
āDonāt stop,ā he begs, voice cracking.
You oblige, leaning back down to swallow around him, nose brushing the coarse hair at his base. He smells like sweat and arousal, and you gag a little when he thrusts too eagerly, but you don't pull away. Instead, you moan, letting him feel how much you want this, how his desperation turns you on.
His free hand claws at the bed, knuckles white, and you can feel the tension coiling in his body, the way he's fighting not to come too soon. You speed up, slurping obscenely, one hand slipping down to cup his balls, rolling them gently. He cries outāactually cries outāhead thrown back, and you feel powerful, desired, even as the mean streak in you wants to edge him until he breaks.
But youāre aching too, pussy throbbing with neglect and its slickness soaks your thighs. You pop off him with a wet sound to which he whines in protest, hips jerking forward seeking more.
āNot yet,ā you say breathlessly and rise to your feet to push him back fully onto your bed.
He goes willingly, sprawling out with the audible sounds of his pants. You climb over him, straddling his waist, and grind your soaked panties against his thick length. The friction makes you both moan, his hands flying to your hips to hold you there.
āPlease,ā he pants. āLet me touch you. I need toāā
You cut him off with a kiss, letting him taste himself from where your mouth met his cock. Itās messy and you rock against him harder, chasing that pressure on your clit. But itās not enough. You need more.
Pulling back, you guide one of his hands between your legs, pressing his fingers against your clothed pussy. āFeel how wet I am? Itās all for you. Now do something about it.ā
His fingers tremble as they slip under the fabric and brush against your folds, making you hiss at the contact. Heās clumsy at first, virgin nerves showing in the hesitant circles he rubs over your clit, but the sensation burns with your eyes closed, turning every awkward stroke into fire. You grind down to guide his rhythm and he learns fast, thumb pressing firmer, two fingers finding your entrance.
āLike this?ā he asks, voice small and eager, and you nod, biting your lip to stifle a moan as he pushes inside.
Heās not skilled, all bumping knuckles, but God does the stretch feel good. You clench around him, riding his hand, the wet squelch filling the room.
āFaster,ā you demand, and he obeys, curling them experimentally, hitting that spot that makes your thighs quake. Sensory deprivation turns it overwhelming, leaving you drowning in the slide of his fingers, the heat of his palm grinding against your clit. You whimper as the pleasure builds and he drinks in every sound, pumping harder, thumb flicking relentlessly.
āYouāre so tight,ā he murmurs in awe, free hand roaming your body, squeezing your breast through your shirt, pinching the nipple until you arch. āSo wet for me. Fuck, I could do this all night.ā
But you canāt wait anymore. You shove his hand away, panting, and fumble with your clothes, stripping off your top and skirt, panties last. He helps, clumsy but enthusiastic, suit peeled down to his hips. Naked now, you feel exposed and vulnerable, but his hands are everywhereāstroking your sides, cupping your ass, pulling you down.
He positions himself between your legs, leaning down to kiss you deeply while his hands memorise your curves, gliding them over your soft skin. Itās not enough. You roll your hips against him, trying to press him in, seeking that friction you desperately need.
Spiderman lets out a low groan against your ear, his control slipping at your eager movements. He pulls back to watch, to drink in the sight of you writhing under him, at your hands fumbling desperately at his arms to draw him back in.
āGive me a second,ā he mumbles. āI want to take my time with you.ā
āPlease donāt,ā you whine. Itās infuriating, having him so close you can feel his heat against your skin and yet, it only emphasises the emptiness inside you. āPlease just touch me.ā
āIāve got you, baby.ā Unable to resist your needy sounds any longer, he finally gives in. He readjusts his position, guiding himself to your entrance. He thrusts up slightly, his dick gathering your slick at his tip, the both of you moaning at the friction. āTell me what you want, Y/N. I need to hear how badly you need me.ā He all but pleads, repeating the action over and over, eyes closed shut at every nudge against your clit.
You whimper, fingers finding purchase on his biceps. āIām not going to beg you, jerk.ā
He ruts up, the tip catching on your entrance and you almost believe itās in until it slides right past. āBeg me,ā he pleads again, mouth planting desperate kisses at your neck.
The teasing drags on, his cockhead slipping through your folds, bumping your clit with every shallow thrust, but never filling you. It's torture, the heat of him so close, the slick sounds obscene in the quiet room. You buck up, trying to impale yourself, but he holds your hips down, chuckling breathlessly against your throat.
āCome on,ā he whispers, nipping at your earlobe. āJust say it. Tell me you want my cock inside you.ā
Your pride wars with the ache until itās finally too much. āFine,ā you gasp, nails raking his back. āFuck me. Please, justāput it in. I need it.ā
The words break him. With a guttural moan, he lines up and thrusts in, burying himself to the hilt in one smooth motion. You're stretched full, walls fluttering around his thickness, and you cry out, legs wrapping around his waist to pull him deeper.
āOh God, yes,ā he groans, stilling for a moment to adjust, forehead pressed to yours. āYouāre perfect. So fucking tight.ā
You clench around him deliberately, and he whines, that puppy-like desperation surfacing again.
āMove,ā you plead as you rock up, and he does, pulling out halfway before slamming back in. The pace starts slow, experimental as his inexperience shows in the uneven rhythm. But it builds, thrusts deepening, the bed creaking under you. Each snap of his hips grinds his pubic bone against your clit, and with your eyes closed, itās all you can focus on: the slap of skin, the wet glide of his cock, the way he fills you completely.
He buries his face in your neck, kissing and sucking marks into your skin, hands gripping your thighs to spread you wider. āFeels so good,ā he mumbles between thrusts. "Like you were made for me. Canāt believeāfuckāā
The tension coils tight in your belly, pleasure spiking with every plunge. Heās hitting deep now, tip kissing your cervix, and you arch sharply.
But heās greedy, wanting more, always more. One hand slips between you to find your clit again, rubbing in tight circles that make stars burst behind your eyelids. āCum for me,ā he pleads, voice hoarse. āWanna feel you squeeze my dick. Please, Y/N.ā
The command, laced with desperation, tips you over. You shatter, pussy convulsing around him, milking his cock as waves crash through you. He follows seconds later, thrusting erratically before spilling inside, hot spurts painting your walls. He doesnāt even stop then, instead opting to slowly grind against your ass to push it all in. Finally, he collapses onto you as you both pant, bodies slick with sweat.
For a moment, thereās only the aftershocks and his softening cock still twitching inside you. Then he lifts his head and kisses you softly, reverently.
āThat was incredible,ā he whispers.
You smile lazily, fingers tracing his jaw once more. āYeah?ā
He doesnāt pull out right away, staying buried deep as his breathing evens out, like he can't bear to leave your warmth. His hands roam lazily now, no longer frantic but exploratory as he maps out the dip of your waist, the swell of your breasts. You must possess some kind of iron will because you keep your eyes closed even then such that you can feel every callus on his palms, every tremble in his touch. Itās intimate, this post-climax haze, and it stirs something softer in you despite the teasing edge you cling to.
āYou're still hard,ā you murmur, shifting your hips experimentally and feel him twitch inside you. He groans, low and needy, burying his face in your shoulder.
āCanāt help it,ā he admits, voice muffled. āYou feel too good. Like... I donāt want to stop. Ever.ā
The confession hangs there, vulnerable and raw, and you canāt resist poking at it.
āAw, puppy,ā you coo, running your fingers through his hair.
He nips at your collarbone in retaliation, but thereās no bite to it. āYou like it,ā he says, confidence peeking through the desperation. āThe way I beg. Admit it.ā
You huff, but your body betrays you, clenching around him again. He takes it as an invitation and starts to rock slowly, shallow thrusts that keep him seated deep. Itās lazy and sensual and builds up friction without urgency.
āMaybe,ā you concede breathlessly, hands guiding his head. āBut donāt think it makes you special.ā
āLiar.ā He chuckles against your skin, the vibration sending tingles down your spine.
His pace picks up slightly, one hand sliding down to where youāre joined, thumb circling your oversensitive clit. You gasp, the pleasure sharp after your orgasm, but he doesnāt stop, drawing out whimpers you canāt suppress.
The room fills with the soft sounds of your shared breaths, the wet slide of him moving inside you, the occasional creak of the bed. He kisses up your neck, lips brushing the edge of the blindfold.
āIs this okay?ā he asks.
āYeah,ā you whisper, turning your head to capture his mouth.
The kiss is slower this time as you focus on simply exploring and memorising his taste. He pulls back eventually to sit up and change the angle, hooking your legs over his shoulders. The stretch is deeper like this, his cock hitting new spots that make you moan.
āGod, youāre beautiful,ā he breathes. āI always thought you were but when youāre like this⦠fuck.ā
The praise warms you and you reach for him blindly, fingers finding his chest. āShut up and fuck me harder.ā
He laughs, but obeys, snapping his hips with renewed vigor. The position lets him grind deep, balls slapping against your ass, and you feel another climax building. His hand returns to your clit, rubbing in time with his thrusts, and you shatter again, crying out, though not with his superhero name because that feels a little impersonal.
He follows and spills with a whine, collapsing beside you this time. Now, when the darkness creeps in from the edges, itās not because youāre making the conscious decision to keep your eyes closed. The afterglow lures you to sleep and he holds you throughout it all.
But Spidermanāno, Gojoālies there with his heart still refusing to slow, greed silent for only a moment but never truly gone. His fingers trace absent patterns over your back as if committing every inch of you to memory like the repetition might somehow make this enough. As if this version of the night, this version of you, can be folded up and hidden somewhere safe for later.
Because he knows, even now, that this is the only way he gets to have you.
Not in daylight, not with your eyes open and knowing. Not as the boy who sits two rows away and grins when he beats everyone to the answer. Not as Gojo, all sharp edges and arrogance and every stupid mistake heās made with you piling up behind him like a wall.
He presses a kiss to your hair before he can stop himself.
It is a stupid thing to do, indulgent and dangerous, but there is no one here to catch him at it, no one but the sleeping girl in his arms who doesnāt know the shape of his face and trusts him anyway. That makes it worse, makes his heart hurt so badly he has to take in a shuddering gasp to calm it, if only slightly.
As Spiderman, you had pulled him inside your room by hand. As Spiderman, you had touched his face with your eyes closed and trusted what you found there. As Spiderman, you had kissed him like you meant it, let him close enough to hear the soft wrecked sounds you make when you say his name.
It should feel like a victory. Some ugly, secret part of him has wanted this for too long not to recognise the shape of triumph when it finally arrives. And yet it settles strangely in his chest, tangled up with something meaner and sadder.
He tips his head back against your pillow and stares up at the dark ceiling, one arm still curved protectively around you. Outside your window the city hums low and distant, all traffic and wind and sirens dulled by height and glass. Somewhere out there, the rest of his life is still moving along with deadlines, classes, the version of himself you will face tomorrow and maybe hate a little more than you did today.
His throat tightens.
You shift against him again, this time with a sleepy little sigh, and his eyes close at once. If he were better, he thinks, he would leave now before the night can twist this into something cruel, before staying turns this into something impossible to explain later. Before morning puts light on all the parts of him that he intentionally leaves in the shadows away from your gaze.
He tips his head back against your pillow and stares up at the dark ceiling, one arm still curved protectively around you. Outside your window the city hums low and distant, all traffic and wind and sirens dulled by height and glass. Somewhere out there, the rest of his life is still moving along with deadlines, classes, the version of himself you will face tomorrow and maybe hate a little more than you did today.
But Gojo is a weak man so he stays.
Long enough for your breathing to deepen fully and for your body to grow loose and heavy with sleep beside him. Long enough that he starts to imagine, against all reason, what it would be like if he didnāt have to move at all. If he could still be here when your eyes opened. if he could watch you wake and let himself be seen, just once, just enough to catch the flicker of emotion across your face. Would you be happy? Mad? Disappointed?
But the universe is rarely this forgiving and patient, and he eventually pulls himself up on his elbows.
Youāre still asleep, face half-buried in the pillow now, hair spilled across the sheets, mouth parted slightly on a soft exhale. The sight of you unguarded in such a way makes something ache low and hopeless inside him. Thereās a mark near your collarbone he has to drag his gaze away from before he becomes truly pathetic.
āDon't do this to me,ā he whispers, though whether he means you or fate or himself, he isnāt sure.
Obviously, no one answers him.
It would be easier if you werenāt like this. If you were messy or careless or cruel in your sleep. If you took up too much space, kicked him in that old wound that still refuses to heal. If you snored. If you drooled on the pillow. If there were anything in the world that made leaving you here feel less like carving something out of himself with his own hands and leaving it on the pillow next to your head.
But there isnāt. So Gojo leans down and presses one last kiss to your temple.
Before he goes, he stands beside the bed for one suspended moment, looking down at you with all the wretched fondness he never manages to contain well enough.
āI'm sorry,ā he whispers softly.
Then heās gone, slipping back through the window into the thinning dark before dawn.
Morning comes gently.
You wake slowly, feeling the ache of too little sleep and something duller lower down, soothed by the warmth trapped under your blanket. Itās a gloomy day outside and faint grey light slips in through the curtains. For one sweet, stupid second, the memory of the night before reaches you before your eyes properly open, and your mouth almost curves with it.
You reach out to touch him and find nothing.
Your eyes snap open.
āSpiderman?ā
The name sounds ridiculous in the morning quiet.
The space beside you is empty, no lingering body heat, no weight in the mattress, no messy shape of someone else, just rumpled sheets and a half-opened window blowing a chill into your room. It all looks so unbearably ordinary for a place where your life had felt, only hours ago, like it was tilting into something secret and miraculous.
Something strange moves through you then, too tangled to name cleanly. The first is an easy one to decipher, disappointment, sharp and immediate. Then embarrassment, because some soft foolish part of you had expected to wake up and find him still there. Perhaps not unmasked, maybe not staying forever, but at the very least there to share the same sense of sheepishness you feel. Enough to prove last night hadnāt been a beautiful, selfish thing borrowed from the dark.
You reach out and smooth your hand over the cold sheet once, as if you might find traces of your common sense there and regain some rational thought.
It doesnāt, to no surprise. All it does is confirm what you already know.
Your bed is empty.
Has the sun always felt so good on his skin?Ā
Gojo swings through the city as he does every morning. Itās a habit that comes from the obligation, something Geto had said in passing about the responsibilities of being a superheroāor something. Satoru never really listens when Geto scolds him and he certainly doesnāt care enough now to pull those words to the surface.Ā
His morning patrols are little more than a guilty pleasure anyway. To be above the city made everyone else seem like ants, feeble things that needed saving every minute of every day. But itās fine.Ā
Because speaking of guilt, thatās what he should be feeling right now. But he doesnāt. In fact, Satoru is having a rather fine and dandy day.Ā
He high fives the police chief when they start scolding him on the mess of webs he left behind during the car chase. He tips the convenient store cashier when he pays for his energy drink, forgoing the whole āleave the store and then web cash to the workerās chestā bit that he always does. He smiles at the senior citizens when they eye him even though he knows the gesture wonāt show through the mask.Ā
He finger guns the kids as they ride by in scooters and bulky, too-big helmets. He graciously rescues a balloon from a tree. He pets a dog on the way to class.Ā
His phone buzzes in the pocket of his jacket that he wears to keep away the winter chill, the new personal phone that he got, not his work phone, and that does a really good job of extinguishing his mood.Ā
Gojo settles down on the ground and ducks into a thin alleyway, pulling out his phone to check.Ā
Itās a calendar notification reminding him that today was the big outing, some aquarium outing he had to beg Shoko to be invited to. Once, he had looked forward to it but now, all he can think of is the hurt in your eyes, the way your mouth falls open in soft pleasure, the slight flutter in your eyes as you arch against hisā
He shoves his phone back into his pocket and hurries back to his dorm.Ā
Ignoring Geto's casual greetings, Gojo opts to instead ceremoniously flop into his top bunk the moment he slings in through the open window.Ā
āHow was patrol?ā
āDonāt ask me stupid questions.ā
āOkay.ā Geto looks up from his book, turning in his chair to look up at the blue and white lump. āWhatās wrong with you?āĀ
Gojo tugs off his mask, ruffling his hair as it falls messy before faceplanting back into his unmade bed. āNothing.ā
āYou left the dorm beaming like everyday is just sunshine and rainbows to you, and now youāre back sulking. I wouldnāt call that nothing.ā He pauses when he receives no response, before sighing. āJust make sure to ditch the attitude before we meet up with Shoko. And donāt take it out on Y/N.ā
Gojo canāt help it, he chokes on his own breath. Geto , of course, notices.Ā
āWhat was that sound?āĀ
āThatās just how I breathe.āĀ
āYou donāt always sound like a kicked puppy when youāre breathing.ā His roommate stands to peek over the frame of the bunk bed, raising an eyebrow when heās met with Gojo's devastated state. āIs this about your tragic loss to Venom? Look, heāll come back and youāll get another shot at being a good superhero, I promise.ā
āItās not that.ā
āIs it Y/N then?ā
Gojo lifts his head just enough to give him an incredulous look. āHow did youā¦?ā
āI saw what you were reposting on Tiktok.ā
Gojo flops onto his back, hands over his face, feet kicking about in frustration. āGod, even when sheās not around she drives me crazy!ā
āNot that Iām not super sympathetic about your situation, but maybe itās not the best idea to freak out about your normal civilian life when youāre Spiderman-ing. Itās better to keep those things separate, you know?āĀ
Gojo grabs his pillow and shoves it over his face.Ā
āWas that an agreement or an act of rebellion? Satoru, Iām serious. You canāt mix your personal life and your superhero activities together.āĀ
He stays quiet, or maybe heās suffocated himself. Gojo kind of hopes itās the latter if itāll save him from telling the truth.Ā
Geto shakes his shoulder. āDude, stop moping. We have that thing to go to and Shoko wonāt be happy if you flake.ā
Gojo remains limp and after a few more shakes, Geto frowns with the tiniest hint of worry.Ā
āOkay, out with it. What did you do?āĀ
At this, Gojo finally turns his head to look at his roommate mournfully. A slow, sinking sensation of dread drops in Geto's stomach as he searches this thin glimpse of his roommateās face.Ā
āPlease tell me you didnāt.ā
āI did.ā
āHow bad? Does she know?ā
Gojo lets out a long, suffering sigh. āWorse.ā
āYou kissed her.āĀ
āWorse.āĀ
Geto's mouth drops open. āYou fucked her? Satoru, what the fuck?ā
āI donāt know, okay, it just happened!āĀ
Geto pulled his hand back as if burnt. āJust happened? These things donāt just happen! Sex doesnāt just happen!ā
Gojo groans into his pillow. āWe were both consenting adults in this, Suguru, itās not a big deal!ā
āThatās not the issue! She doesnāt know who you are, Satoru!ā
āI know that!ā
āDo you? Because if you did I donāt think you would have done that!ā He runs a hand through his hair. āHow does she not know?ā
āShe kept her eyes closed,ā Gojo says.
āYou kinky bitch.ā
āIt was the only way she wouldnāt see!ā
āReally? Because I can think of other ways. Have you considered the tactic of just not fucking her in the first place?ā
Gojo frowns as if in genuine thought before shaking his head.Ā
āHell. This is my superhero. Weāre all fucked.ā
āSuguru, you have to help me.ā Gojo sits up, head ducked slightly so as to not hit his head on the ceiling above. āI fucked up okay, I know I did. But itās complicated, alright? Y/N and I arenāt⦠good right now. I thought we were and then I dropped my phone and then we fought and now sheās blocked me on everything. Even Linkedin. And Spotify!ā
āSatoru, I help you with Spiderman stuff. I help you with last minute homework deadlines because you were too busy saving the world. I help you with lying to our friends about why you disappeared during a bathroom break for an hour that doesnāt involve emptying your guts into a toilet. Iām not helping you when you fumble a girl.ā
āBut what if I fumbled her because Iām Spiderman. I feel like that counts, right?āĀ
Geto turns and drops himself into his chair, the seat turning slightly at the momentum until he plants his feet down. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. āYou still havenāt told me what happened.ā
āY/N and I broke up.ā
āYou werenāt dating.ā
āA friendship break up then. A situationship break up.ā
āFine, whatever you want to call it. What even happened? Because every time we talked about her before that it sounded like things were going well.āĀ
āThings were going well. I almost kissed her like, five times. The sixth time would have definitely been the charm.ā
Geto makes a face.āI feel like thatās an indication that things arenāt going well, but okay.ā
āAnyway, remember when venom showed up a few days ago and I broke my phone?ā
āAnd how you were knocked out for a night? I remember.ā
āRight well,ā Gojo takes in a deep breath that indicates heās about to ramble, ābecause I broke my phone I wasnāt able to tell her something came up and I wouldnāt be able to make the presentation. I only woke up after we had to present, meaning she had to do it herself and now she hates me because she thinks I donāt take her seriously. and I canāt clarify that I do take her seriously because, again, she blocked me on everything. She also unadded me on every Google Doc she shared to me.ā
āDamn, sheās serious.ā For a moment, Geto seems genuinely apologetic. āThat sucks man, Iām sorry you were cockblocked by Venom.ā
āWell, it comes with the powers and responsibility and all that.ā Gojo falls back onto his bed, starfished as far as his limbs can go before they hit the sides of his bunk bed. āYou always have a solution to everything. Canāt you fix my love life too?ā
āI canāt perform miracles, dumbass.ā
āThat's not your line. Youāre meant to be sympathetic and helpful. Do you even care about me?āĀ
āNo,ā Geto says mournfully. āUnfortunately youāre the only one saving our city these days so I kind of have to stick around to make sure you donāt mess that up.āĀ
Gojo grabs his Agumon plushie and throws it down over the side of the railing. He doesnāt have to look over the edge to know it hit its target. āIām serious, Suguru.ā
Geto catches the plushie with ease and gives it a pat on its head, placing it gently on his lap. āIām serious too. Maybe this is a good thing. I keep telling you that you have to keep your superhero life and your boring, normal person life separate. This just shows you what happens when you donāt do that.ā
āWoah, thank you, Mr sunshine and rainbows.ā
āLife isnāt sunshine and rainbows.ā
āIt is when you have the eyes to see it,ā he sighs dramatically. āIs it too much to ask that I can just be Satoru and Spiderman without losing anything?āĀ
Thereās something in Gojo's voice that makes Geto pause. Maybe itās the lack of that whiny tilt to his cadence, maybe itās the fact that heās shoved his face into another plushie on his bed, voice muffled and hiding the desperate sound.Ā
Geto wants to tell him the truth, that if the world was good and just he could be every side of him, that he shouldnāt have to pick between being a weapon for the cityās safety and an actual person with hopes and dreams and wants. Geto wants to tell him that he shouldnāt have to pick being a superhero over being a person, but he canāt tell him that. Because as the world stands right now, Gojo simply canāt have both.Ā
āThere's still that outing,ā Geto finds himself saying. āLook, it sounds like you really hurt Y/N but sheās not unreasonable, you know that. Iām sure if you talk to her you can clear things up. Or just apologise now that time has settled.ā
Gojo shuffles a little and sits up to look down at his roommate. "Weren't you just telling me I shouldnāt mix personal and work life?ā
āYou see Spider-Man as work?ā
āAnswer my question, man.ā
Geto sighs. āThe part of me that just wants to make sure youāre not hurt doing this whole superhero thing wants to tell you that. But the part of me thatās your friend doesnāt. It sucks that in this world no one can be their genuine self. But I mean it when I say that I want to see you happy and if youāre happy with Y/N then I hope things work out between the both of you.ā
No one says anything for a while. Geto looks up.Ā
āDude, what did you eat today to make you sprout all that feelings bullshit?ā Gojo mimes throwing up.Ā
Geto rolls his eyes, grabbing the plushie on his lap to throw it back up at him. Gojo catches it, his Spiderman instincts never letting him down, and when he puts it down on his bed, heās smiling.Ā
āSo, any tips?ā
āJust be yourself.āĀ
āI was and look how everything turned out.ā
Geto hums. āThen maybe letās start with your wardrobe. If youāre going to win Y/N back, you canāt show up to the function wearing the same one shirt.ā
The aquarium is a shitty place to take someone youāre no longer on speaking terms with.Ā
It seems even the fish have figured out how to move around without touching. Silver fish turn as one body and never collide. Stingrays glide past each other like silk dragged through water. Even sharks know how to circle without making contact, all smooth instinct and measured distance, and that would be deeply meaningful if you werenāt currently trapped in a dark blue tunnel feeling like shit.Ā
It is, Shoko had said in the groupchat three days ago, supposed to be a fun, normal outing. You should have known then that something demonic had possessed her.Ā
The tunnel curves overhead in a long arc of glass, seawater casting wavering patterns of light over the floor and over the faces of people passing through. Children press their sticky palms to the glass, and a baby somewhere up ahead lets out a delighted shriek at the sight of some broad, ghostly thing drifting above. Couples walk slowly enough to be irritating, stopping every two steps to point things out to each other in soft voices.Ā
The entire place is built for wonder and you are having a terrible time.Ā
āLook,ā you say from beside Shoko, pointing upward with none of the enthusiasm the gesture should probably contain, āa fish.āĀ
āI think thatās obviously a shark,ā Utahime says, squinting upward.Ā
Geto hums, a telltale sign that heās about to launch into his typical ragebaiting. āIām pretty sure sharks are fish though, so what do you mean by that?ā
āOh come on, Geto. You know what I mean. Thereās fish, and then thereās shark. If I say fish, no one is picturing that. Theyāre thinking of, like, a normal fish. Small, swimmy, not that giant thing above our heads.āĀ
āSo now weāre racially profiling fish and sharks?ā Geto pauses as if in deep thought. āSo then by your logic, is a stingray fish-looking fish or shark-looking fish.āĀ
āA stingray is its own thing,ā Utahime snaps. āDonāt piss me off in public.āĀ
āSeems complicated. Not very obvious then, is it?āĀ
On any other day, thereād be nothing more joyous than joining in and annoying Utahime. Today, however, youāre still figuring out how to move around without being touched.Ā
āAt least give yourself the chance to have a good time,ā Shoko remarks from beside you, none too impressed with your sulky mood.Ā
You know it isnāt fair to her but to say youāre in a bad mood is an understatement. Every voice only serves to grind your gears and the way people shove past you here and there makes you want to rip off your skin.Ā
Maybe because you got approximately no sleep. Maybe because your body still feels the phantom touch of another, the roughness in his voice as he utters your name all deprived and pleading. Maybe because Gojo is still six inches to your left, all long limbs and damp shadows under his eyes, and every time the crowd bottlenecks in the tunnel, you catch the faint clean scent of his soap like he took a shower earlier this morning.Ā
The tunnel narrows as it curves, forcing all of you into an untidy line. Shoko and Utahime end up leading, Geto just behind them, pointing out silly little things that pisses her Utahime and makes Shoko laugh. You had slowed down for all of three seconds to let a family with two children pass and made the tactical error of allowing Gojo to fall into step beside you. Now the two of you are trapped by the flow of bodies moving through the tunnel at exactly the kind of sluggish, reverent pace that grates against your frayed nerves.
Above, something glides over the glass. The baby up ahead screams again, only louder, such that it echoes down the winding tunnel.
āSee, that wouldn't be a fish,ā Geto is saying from up ahead.
You can hear utahime through the murmur of the crowd. āI figured.ā
āCanāt be too sure.ā
There's another shuffle of people from up ahead as if the presence of the stingray is a thing to fawn over, a stop-start of prams and schoolbags and a father trying to explain in a stage whisper why no, his child cannot touch the stingray, and the whole line compresses.
Gojoās shoulder brushes yours.
You stiffen before you can even try to pretend it had no effect on you and he shifts back, creating what little space he can in a tunnel full of tourists and toddlers. You can feel his hesitation without even looking at him, that careful slouching in on himself he's been doing all day.
āSorry,ā he says quietly.Ā
You donāt bother with a response, looking in the opposite direction as if you had suddenly gained a deep appreciation for marine life.Ā
Shoko glances back over her shoulder to make sure she hasnāt lost either of you, and catches the way the two of you repel from each other. Her eyes flick from your face to Gojoās, and narrow.Ā
Great, so not only are you miserable, but now youāre probably going to get grilled.Ā
āYou two are weirdly quiet,ā she cleverly deduces.Ā
āWeāre in an aquarium,ā you reply. āThe whole point is to be quiet and to look at the fish. Or the sharks orāwhatever.āĀ
āAre you at least having fun?ā she tries again, though judging from her look, itās clear she already has an answer in mind.Ā
āDefinitely,ā you mumble at the same time Gojo says, āSo much fun.āĀ
You keep your mouth shut, refusing to look over at him. And Shoko, bless her patient heart, only tries again.Ā
āWeāre about to reach the actual shark section. You love sharks, donāt you, Y/N?ā
āPartial at best.ā
āOr we could divert to look at the rock pools and touch some starfish. Doesnāt that sound like fun, Gojo?āĀ
āI guess.ā He kicks at the ground, stubbornly glaring at the path.Ā
Shoko rolls her eyes, dropping her gentle parenting act just as the tunnel begins to open up again. The two of you separate like magnets of the same charge when thereās space to move, only heightening her annoyance.Ā
āYou both are impossible! Youāre acting like kids! Letās age check real quick, how long are you two going to keep up this silent treatment act for?ā
Gojo sighs, running a hand through his hair. āCan you just drop it, Shoko? Itās really none of your business.ā
āWoah,ā Shoko says. āGojoās arrived.āĀ
āIām serious.ā He grits his teeth. āLeave it.ā
Shoko looks over at you for your input but you keep quiet, hiding your own guilt by looking away. Youāre acting like a kid, you know you are, but itās hard not to when you have this man child walking beside you.Ā
And because Gojo has never won an argument against with Shoko, never has in the many, many years theyāve known each other, she grabs your hand and his arm and pulls you both together, positive versus positive charge be damned. You visibly flinch when his skin brushes yours, but her hands keep you together.Ā
āI donāt know what happened between you two,ā she says, ābut youāre going to sort it out right here right now, you hear me? The shark section is up ahead. I donāt care what happens in there, but when you walk out of it, youāre both going to get along. Understood?ā
Gojo looks up from where heās staring at the point of contact where your bodies touch.Ā
āI said, understood?ā Shoko presses, drawing you both closer.Ā
You grimace and relent. āFine, fine. Just let go, wonāt you?ā
She doesnāt, turning her fierce gaze to Gojo. āYour turn.ā
āShoko,ā he starts, but his eyes are fixed over her shoulder. āLet go.āĀ
āI wonāt until you tell me the two of you are going to start behaving like adults again."Ā
āShoko, seriouslyāā
āGojo, Iām not letting go untilāā
You let out a frustrated exhale. āJust get it over with and say that you will.āĀ
āThatās not it.āĀ
His voice sharpens so suddenly that the three of you freeze. His hand closes around your arm, knocking Shokoās grip off him in one abrupt movement, and you almost wince at how tight his fingers are.Ā
āDuck!āĀ
Considering youāre at an aquarium and not a zoo, his words confuse you. But the word barely leaves his mouth before the world ends, or at least the tunnel does.Ā
One moment youāre upright and irritated, and the next youāre on the slick aquarium floor with Gojo half over you, his hand clamped around the back of your head as glass bursts somewhere overhead in a noise so violent it seems to deafen you. Water follows half a second later, a freezing, roaring wall of it that slams into your legs and floods the corridor in one breathless rush.Ā
You gasp, inhaling panic with it. For one awful second, all you can see is dark water and something silver whipping past your face so quickly you canāt process whether itās debris or fish or some secret third option. Gojoās arms tighten around you just before the current hits full force, shielding you from the bulk of it.Ā
When the initial wave passes, he pushes himself up first, still braced over you, blinking the water from his eyes. āAre you okay? Actually, donāt answer straight away because then youāre probably lying. Are you hurt?ā
You stare at him for half a second with your chest heaving, before snapping back into your body. āI think so. Was that enough time to seem genuine?ā
āYeah,ā he says, then grabs your hand and hauls you upright with startling efficiency.Ā
A jagged hole has been torn through the glass overhead and water is still pouring through in punishing sheets, waves upon waves lapping at your feet. You ignore it all.Ā
āShoko!ā you shout immediately. āUtahime? Guys?ā
āWeāre here!ā Shokoās voice comes from somewhere to your right, thin through the alarms and the water. āWeāre all okay!ā
Through the flashing red light and beyond a rush of water you canāt imagine brushing past, you spot them.
Shoko has one arm around Utahimeās waist and the other braced against the wall, her hair plastered to her face by spray. Utahime is upright, but only just, one hand pressed over her calf where blood is already mixing into the water in thin red ribbons. Suguru is beside them, shoving a fallen display sign out of the way so a knot of panicked visitors can force themselves toward the nearest exit.
āWeāre fine!ā Geto yells. āUtahime got cut by the glass, but she can walk. Weāre heading for the side stairs.ā
Shoko twists back, catches sight of you and Gojo still standing there, and immediately cups her hands around her mouth. āWhat are you two doing? Move! I paid money for this outing and frankly Iād like at least four of us to live!ā
Before either of you can answer, something booms deeper in the aquarium hard enough to rattle the glass beneath your feet. All around you, people are still trying to push toward the exits in a mess of uncoordinated panic. One aquarium staff member is shouting for everyone to stay calm in a voice already fraying at the edges and thereās a child sobbing somewhere to your right. Another tank further down the hall has cracked into a spiderweb of fractures that spread wider with every violent thud from beyond.
Gojo tenses, sensing something you canāt before he turns to you, hands on your shoulders. āGet to the exit.ā
āRight, okay,ā you say automatically, already reaching for his hand to drag him with you. Your fingers slide around his wrist and tug. āCome on.ā
He doesnāt move.
You look back at him. āWhat are you doing?ā
āYou go with them,ā he says, already looking past you toward the ruined hall. āIāll follow after you.ā
You stare at him in disbelief. āUm, no?ā
Your voice comes out louder than you mean it to, sharpened by the cold and the adrenaline and the immediate, furious certainty that no, absolutely not, you are not doing this with him again. Not here, not now, not when the floor is flooding and the walls are breaking and he still thinks he can look you in the face and say Iāll follow after like you were born yesterday.
āDo you have a death wish?ā you demand. āCome on, the water is rising!ā
āLook, I can handle myself.ā His fingers tighten once against your shoulder, almost pleading. āI know what Iām doing so just wait outside. Don't worry about me and go.ā
It is such a stupid thing to say that for a second you can only look at him.
Donāt worry about me.
As if that has ever worked. As if you havenāt spent weeks trying to ignore him and failing every single time. As if he hasnāt somehow made himself your problem since the moment he had called your grade out in the middle of that irrelevant tutorial room.
You glare at him, at his stupid fluffy white hair gone damp at the edges, at the thick-framed glasses he always pushes up his nose when he starts rambling about something ridiculous, at the stupid blue eyes that seem to shift colour with his mood and are now fixed on the corridor behind you instead of properly on you.
āI canāt,ā you say.
His head snaps back to yours. āWhat?ā
āI canāt just ignore you.ā The words come out thinner than you want them to, but thereās no taking them back now. āIāve tried and I just canāt.ā
āThis isnāt the time for that,ā he says, brows furrowed in that way he gets when heās annoyed.āDonāt be ridiculous, you could get hurt.ā
āYou could get hurt.ā
āThatās different.ā
āIs it?ā you scoff before looking back at him. āYou know what your problem is?ā
He rolls his eyes with a sigh. āOh, here we go. Tell me, tell me what my problem isāā
āOh, I will. Iāll tell you what your fucking problem isāā
āOh yeah, youāll tell me? Cause you know me better than I know myself?āĀ
āSomeone has to,ā you snap, stepping toward him, daring him to take a step back. āBecause clearly youāve got no clue what youāre doing. Not with this, not with women, certainly not with me.ā
He exhales. āYeah? Well, youāre stuck up and impossible to control and you piss me off.ā
āAre you a kid? You sound so dumb right nowāā
A crash tears through the corridor hard enough to shake the ground beneath your feet and whatever insult youāve both had gearing up immediately dies. You both look toward the corridor then to each other.Ā
āProbably not the best time for this,ā you say.Ā
āYeah,ā he says. āLetās shelf this for later.ā
āIām still not going to ditch you so get that through your thick skull and whatever vast air bubble hugs your brain.āĀ
For one ridiculous second, despite the alarms and the flooding and the horrifying sounds of public infrastructure being turned inside out, Gojo actually looks like he wants to laugh.Ā
āDid you just call me an air head?ā he asks, the words breathless and almost fond. āYouāre never going to make things easy for me, are you?āĀ
You shoot him an incredulous look. āPeople are dying, Satoru. Lock in. Whatās the plan?āĀ
He shakes his head like a dog.Ā
āOkay,ā he says, back in motion now, words quick and sharp and all business because he clearly doesnāt trust himself to stay in the other mode any longer. āNew plan. We get everyone we can to the exit, and then if you still want to tell me what my problem is, Iāll stand there and let you monologue. But donāt leave my sight and donāt try to be self-sacrificing.āĀ
āYouāre telling me?ā You snort. āSays the guy who was just about to run off and do exactly that.ā
You brush past him, heading towards the tunnel where the sound originated.Ā
Despite every instinct telling him to grab you and pull you out, Gojo finds himself just standing there. Heās always been weak to you, this revelation is not one that comes with any surprise. All youāve ever really had to do was look at himāproperly look at him, with that sharp little glare that says heās annoyed you againāand some pathetic part of him was already halfway to heel, tail practically wagging. Itās degrading almost, the Spiderman, reduced to nothing but a desperate man in love, but for some reason Gojo canāt find himself hating it completely. That was just how far he had fallen.
He drags a hand through his hair and exhales sharply through his nose as he catches up behind you. The mask in his pocket feels impossibly heavy, like it knows better than he does, like itās already calling him toward the moment heās been putting off for too long. But he doesn't yet, and settles instead for following behind, every muscle bracing for the second this goes wrong.Ā
You are having much less sophisticated thoughts.
You wonder to yourself as you trudge through the ankle deep water, what the fuck are you doing?
Your shoes are full of cold, disgusting salt water and what is, realistically, probably fish shit, when the safe outside had been right there within reach moments ago. You could have left. You could have gone with Shoko and Utahime and Geto and let the staff and the police and whoever else handles aquarium disasters deal with the rest. Instead, you had willingly walked back into where disaster struck. And for what? A boy?
Well, you think. At least you have the experience of fighting off two villains now. One and a half. Okay, more like two halves. That made one. So youāve had one (1) moment of experience. That was enough, right?Ā
āDonāt worry,ā you tell Gojo, noticing his uncharacteristic silence. āIf anything happens, Iāll protect you.ā
He opens his mouth to reply, but whatever smart thing he had lined up dies the second the tunnel widens into the main shark gallery.
A man in a torn aquarium polo staggers through the burst corridor with black slick crawling up one arm and along the side of his throat, jerking in wet, ugly pulses under the emergency lights. A member of staff, who looks maybe nineteen and one bad shift away from quitting forever, is trying to wave people toward the side exit while very obviously trying not to cry.
Gojo is already moving, ignoring the way the room shudders when the symbiote host slams his fist into a pillar.
āIām going to distract it so the people have time to get out of here. Stay here or go help them but do not get in the way.āĀ
He doesnāt check to see if youāll agree before grabbing the nearest floating wet floor sign and hurling it at the manās face with a pitcherās accuracy. It smacks the figureās shoulder and bounces away harmlessly, but it does the important thing.Ā
The ex-aquarium staff turns toward him and subsequently, you.Ā
āOkay,ā you mutter, already moving. āLooks like youāve got it from here!ā
The host makes a low, distorted sound, half growl and half wet static, and barrels toward Gojo with one blackened arm swelling grotesquely around the elbow. Gojo ducks the first swing, grabs the edge of an overturned brochure stand, and yanks it into the path of the next. It shatters immediately, but the delay buys the nearest cluster of trapped visitors just enough time to break into motion.
You hurry to the sobbing staff member, a girl with her short black hair tied to one side, two hair clips holding her bangs away from her eyes. āHey, hey, itās okay! Just think of all the hazard pay youāll get after this. For now, grab those two and head to the side exit.āĀ
She blinks at you, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks, but eventually nods. āWhat about you?āĀ
You jab a thumb behind you. āIām kind of stuck here with this idiot. Now hurry.āĀ
Behind you, thereās a huge crash followed by Gojo saying, āYou know, this is why no one likes staff team building exercises. Thereās always one guy who takes it too far.ā
The villain seems to not enjoy Gojoās commentary because it roars. You turn in time to see Gojo skid sideways through the floodwater, one hand catching the low railing to keep from going down entirely. The black slick lashes for him again and misses, carving a line of ugly cracks through the decorative panel behind him instead.Ā
Itās not hard to tell that Gojo is losing and in fact, youād be severely deluded if your nerd situationship sort-of close friend would win against a seemingly inhuman sentient black goo. At least he isnāt losing without dignity. He makes valiant attempts to shove the thing back a step, ducking under a swing only for the next to catch him high in the shoulder and throw him sideways into the viewing rail.Ā
Your heart drops to your ass quick, watching as Gojo drives himself back upright with a wince and a desperate glare for you to stay there.Ā
The symbiote host lurches toward him again, blackened arm distending with a wet, horrific ripple.Ā
Your brain finally catches up.Ā
Okay. Okay, think.Ā
You have seen this stupid black goo twice before now, which feels like two times too many. The first time, you used a fire extinguisher. The second, the steam wand from the cafe had done enough to make the goo retreat. So this thing clearly does not enjoy pressure or heat.Ā
You spin in place, eyes skittering wildly over the wrecked shark gallery.Ā
Thereās debris everywhere, broken signage, upside down benches and a cardboard cutout of some mascot shark swims past you in ankle deep water. Thereās a staff-only closet near the back, more brochure stands, maps on the wall, when your eyes finally see it. There, near the entrance of the tunnel, is a thick industrial hose line feeding into one of the side filtration systems, its pressure valve mounted low on the wall, bright red against the blue gloom.Ā
One of the sanitation steam lines that run along the upper maintenance track has ruptured where debris struck, hissing softly in the rumble of the crumbling aquarium. White vapour coughs out in fitful bursts, weak now but still there.Ā
āSatoru!ā
He glances your way at the exact second the host slams him in the chest, sending him skidding through the water on his back. You wince. āOh, sorry. Whenever you have the time.ā
āIām fine,ā he chokes out, rolling out of the way in time to avoid a second blow. āThanks for asking.ā
You splash toward the pressure valve, shoes slipping against the tiles. āShut up and use the environment! Thereās a pressurised line here and steam up there. Youāre just going to have to trust me on this one but I think I have an idea!ā
The host, as if sensing your plan, turns towards you. Gojo curses, any sarcasm vanishing in an instant.Ā
āNo! Donāt get closer!ā
āToo late!ā you yell back, already grabbing the valve wheel. āYouāre getting your ass beat, Satoru, Iām not going to stand here and just let your ego handle it!āĀ
He rises to his feet, running to you though in the water, itās only a pathetic sloshing that almost gives you the ick. āMy ego? And you think your pride will handle it any better?ā
No.Ā
āYes!āĀ
You wrench at the valve and, because your life has always been full of miracles and good fortune, nothing happens.Ā
The host lunges in your direction again. Gojo catches him from the side, arm hooking around his neck for one desperate second before the black slick ripples up and flings him off. He crashes shoulder-first into the low barrier by the shark viewing glass.
He gasps and coughs, eyes blearily finding yours. āGetāget out of here. Now, Y/N.ā
āIām not giving up.ā You brace one foot against the wall. āNo pressure, literally.ā
You yank at the wheel again but nothing still happens. Thereās got to be a safety catch, a pin or latch or something. Your eyes dart over the assembly frantically even as the figure draws itself back on its legs.Ā
āY/N!ā Gojo calls out again, water sloshing around his body as he tries to follow.Ā
Your eyes skim frantically over the valve housing, over rusted bolts and warped metal and a tangle of pipes slick with spray, until they finally catch on a metal locking pin bent half-flat against the side.
Without another thought, you lunge for it and wrap both hands around the pin.Ā
Behind you, thereās a sharp, ugly soundāGojo sucking in a breath through his teethāfollowed by the violent splash of him slamming back into the host. You risk a glance over your shoulder just in time to see him catch the thing by the arm, twist with the momentum, and drive a punch into its face hard enough to make black slick spray across the floodwater.
Pulse spiking, you put your whole weight into the pin. And finally, it gives all at once, slipping free so suddenly you nearly fall backward into the floorwater.Ā
āGot you!ā you hiss at the valve before throwing yourself against the wheel.Ā
This time, it turns. The line shudders to life with a deep, violent thump and water pressure surges through the pipes hard enough to rattle the wall.Ā
āSatoru!ā you shout, looking up wildly. āTo your left! Bring him here!āĀ
He turns his head fast, sees the line, sees you, and somehow understands immediately despite looking one bad hit away from passing out. You suppose he isnāt a genius for nothing.
Gojo stands with more purpose, moving in a tight arc through the floodwater, letting the thing follow. His movements are messier than they should be, attributed to the wounds heās sustained. You can see it every time he favours his right side, every time his mouth tightens with every dodge.Ā
But he still keeps moving, still keeping the thin on him, keeping it away from you. Trusting your ridiculous plan that was concocted in under a minute.Ā
āCome on,ā he calls, breathless and taunting all at once. āCome on and get me, you big ugly thing. Iāve had worse nights.ā
The host lunges under the broken steam line.Ā
āNow!ā you shout, a command for just yourself really, and crank the pressure line open fully.Ā
A brutal blast of high-pressure water erupts across the gallery and catches the host broadside, slamming into its blackened shoulder and neck with enough force to wrench it half off its feet. At the same time, a fresh burst of steam hisses from overhead where the damaged line gives way under the renewed vibration. And just as youād hoped, the black slick convulses.
It peels back in twitching bands from the hostās throat and shoulder, recoiling from the steam with an ugly, wet shiver. It starts to back away on unsteady feet.Ā
āThere!ā you yell, voice cracking with triumph and panic all at once. āAgain, use it again!ā
Gojo doesnāt hesitate. He grabs the dangling steam pipe with both hands and yanks hard enough to shear the remaining bracket loose. The line drops lower, shrieking vapour across the hostās side.
The thingānot the man, but the thingālets out a shrill cry, a sound so wrong it feels like it goes through your bones instead of your ears.
Gojo uses the opening immediately, slamming his shoulder into the hostās chest and driving him back into the support beam beside the shark viewing glass. The whole gallery shudders under the impact, but this time the host goes down hard, knees buckling under him as the black slick writhes and spasms under the steam.
You donāt realise youāve moved until youāre already splashing toward him, relief making you stupid and light all at once. In your head, it should have been graceful, some dramatic run into his arms after shared survival and mutual competence. In reality, the water turns it into a pathetic, uneven waddle that Gojo, in an act of true mercy, only pretends not to notice.
āWe did it!ā you say, breathless and bright with adrenaline. āThat was insane, but we did it. And Iām taking at least seventy percent of the credit, by the way, because without me you were just getting beaten up in a public aquariumāā
He smiles, just barely, and turns to look at you.
āYeah,ā he says, chest heaving. āI guess weāā
Something moves in the corner of his eye.
It isnāt the frantic, wild sort of movement from before, but something uglier for how deliberate it feels. A last-ditch effort. The host drags one arm free of the steam and the floodwater just enough for the black slick to surge violently down its length and gather into one long, brutal lash of muscle and tar.
It comes not for Gojo, but for you.
Gojo sucks in a sharp breath at the sight, his whole face changing before you can even register why. His mouth opens around the start of your name, warning already there, panic rising faster than the sound can leave him.
You are still a few crucial seconds behind.
By the time you catch the movement in your peripheral vision and start to turn, Gojo is already lunging forward. But the thing is too fast, the distance too wrong, and you can see the exact instant he realises he wonāt make it to you in time as himself.
You turn just enough to see it.
Ah.
So this is how stupid people die.
Something white snaps through the air.
The strike jerks violently sideways before it can hit you, yanked off course so hard it slams into the side wall instead, cracking the tile with a wet, horrible impact. A scream tears from your throat, loud and sharp in the aftermath, but the thing barely registers to you now, not even when the goo gives one last shudder and forms something like a trembling fist aimed in your direction.
You donāt care about that anymore.
Instead, your eyes track the white line stretched taut across the gallery.
You follow it all the way back.
All the way to Gojo.
He stands there with his arm still half outstretched. His face is stricken with lingering panic, but there is something else there too, something like resignation, like he knows whatever happens next might end his world right here in a crumbling aquarium.
You look from his face to his wrist and then back again.
āWhat,ā you say, finding no other words that fit the moment. āWhat the fuck.ā
Gojo lowers his arm very slowly. Water drips from his sleeve, from his fingers, from the impossible thin connecting him to the wall beside you.Ā
āThis is not how I wanted to tell you,ā he says, his voice suddenly rough in a way you recognise far too well.
The host roars, and itās that sound that snaps both of you back into motion.
Gojoās hand goes to his pocket and comes back with the maskāof course itās the mask. Blue and white, worn at the edges, and, hell, maybe youāre hallucinating now, but is that still the little tear you left in the fabric that night?
He hesitates just before pulling it over his head, eyes darting back to you as he says, āPlease wait for me. Just this once, please wait.ā
There is no time to process the fact that his eyes look almost frightened. No time to process the fact that the voice youāve heard in your ear and the voice that has said your name in two different ways now belong to the same infuriating man. There is really no time to process anything at all.
So, shockingly, you do the mature thing.
You nod.
āOkay,ā you say, and your voice sounds strange to your own ears. āOkay. Go.ā
You watch as Gojo stares at you, hopeless and pleading all at once, the mask slipping over his face. But now that youāve seen himāseen him bare and vulnerable and desperately hopingāthe blue and white can no longer hide it.
Spider-Man keeps looking at you even as he slings onto the adjacent wall, the sticky material catching with a faint smack.
āIām going to explain everything,ā he says. āI promise. Justāplease. Please still be here when I come back.ā
He doesnāt wait for your response, not properly. Maybe because heās worried whatever words leave your gaping mouth will be a rejection. Maybe because if he waits another second, heāll stay here looking at you until the whole room caves in around you.Ā
Spiderman slings out onto the adjacent wall, the web catching with a faint, sticky smack, and for one absurd second all you can think is that even upside down and half-bleeding heās still showy.Ā
Then he launches and whatever restraint Gojo had been fighting with until now is gone.Ā
The host lunges towards you but you donāt flinch. Thereās simply no fight in your body anymore. Not that it matters because Spiderman meets him in the centre of the gallery.Ā
What had looked clumsy and desperate when Gojo was still trying to pass for your average citizen becomes something else entirely now that heās abandoned his facade. His body understands the room in ways you never could, every rail, every shattered edge, every unstable surface becomes a part of him when the web attaches to it, part of the fight. He lips under the hostās first strike and plants a hand against the flood tile, driving both feet into its chest hard enough to send it skidding backward through the water.Ā
He flicks his wrists out before the host can recover, pinning one arm to a fractured support beam, another line catching its ankle.Ā
The black slick surges and peels away from the first web, but it's too slow. Spiderman is already gone from where he was, slinging upward into the steam and dropping back down from above with enough force to slam the hose into the floor.Ā
The black mass writhes and lashes and tries to reform over the hostās body, but now there is no hesitation in the man fighting it, no room left for restraint. Spiderman moves with frightening precision, using every opening, every recoil, every half-second where the thing peels back under heat and sound. He webs one wrist, then the throat, then the opposite shoulder, dragging the host back into the pressure line each time he tears free. The slick recoils violently, shrieking, trying and failing to hold together.
Was it just you but did it look like Gojo was taking his frustration out on this thing?Ā
Your mind keeps trying and failing to fit the pieces together. It all comes together anyway, the way Gojo had always disappeared at the wrong times, the way Spidermanās voice had felt familiar even when you told yourself that was ridiculous and known things about you he couldnāt have. The way he touched you, the way the other never quite did, not completely, as if afraid of what would happen if he started.Ā
All of it was him. Every humiliating, infuriating, impossible piece of it.Ā
The host tears free one last time, black goo surging over his chest in a final desperate wave. But by now, it should learn that doing something over and over again is a sign of insanity because Spiderman is already there.Ā
A webline catches high overhead and with a yank, the hanging steam pipe drops lower. Another shot takes the alarm cable and rips it loose in a shower of sparks. He drives forward, one hand wrapped around his web, the other braced against the hostās chest, and hurls him back into the flooded floor beneath the full force of the steam.Ā
The black mass writhes and shrieks then tears free all at once. It peels from the manās body in one final, violent shudder and streaks away through the fractured wall paneling, vanishing into the dark beyond the gallery even as Spiderman attempts to stop it.Ā
Then the host collapses, dead.Ā
Then nothing. Of course, not complete silence as the alarms still ring and water still drips. But between the two of you, across the room now suddenly empty of the thing that had stood there, there is a different kind of stillness.Ā
Spiderman straightens slowly. He stands in front of the steam and the ruin and the broken shark glass, chest heaving, mask still over the face you now know too well, and even from here you can see the way his body sags just slightly under the cost of what heās just done.
You stare at each other, the gap between endlessly vast until you decide to close it.Ā
Your shoes drag through the floodwater, sending up ugly little splashes with every step, and by the time you reach him, any dignity you might have salvaged from the reveal is long dead and buried beneath three inches of fish water. He stands there waiting, one hand hanging at his side while the other presses hard against his ribs.Ā
Your hands fist the front of his hoodie and he lets you.
āYou are the biggest liar I have ever met in my entire life,ā you say, voice trembling with the weight of everything.Ā
SpidermanāGojoālets out a weak laugh. āThat sounds about right.ā
You yank the mask up without another word.Ā
It catches for half a second on his nose before sliding free, damp and warm in your hand, and there he is. Just Satoru now. Heās pale, soaked through, hair plastered to his forehead, lips parted around the hard pull of his breathing. Thereās blood at the corner of his mouth and more blooming darkly beneath his hoodie where heād been hit, but his eyes are on you and only you with that same awful, naked openness they had before he put the mask on.
āSatoru,ā you say, and his name comes out rough, almost wounded.
His eyes lift to yours at once, terrified of what he might find there.Ā
You slap him. And honestly, compared to everything he went through less than a minute ago, compared to what he deals with everyday, youād call the slap a puny, pathetic hit. Still, the hand from his side flies up to cup his cheek, looking more startled than in pain.Ā
āThat,ā you start,ā is for lying to me.ā
He gapes at you wordlessly.Ā
Then all at once, the rest of it rises inside youāthe fear, the relief, the horrible rush of seeing that black strike coming at you and knowing, with perfect clarity, that Gojo would throw it all away to save you, even if it meant revealing his identity.Ā
You lift your hand again but this time not to strike. Instead, your fingers brush his jaw, trembling against the damp skin there, tracing the shape of him you thought you knew so well. You feel his pulse leap, hear his breath catch.Ā
āThis,ā you whisper, steadier now that you know this is what you want, āis for saving me.āĀ
You go up on your tippy toes, lean forward, and kiss him.Ā
Gojo freezes, arms held out in the air as he pieces together the scene. Youāre not mad, well maybe youāre mad, but youāre over that now because youāre kissing him. Wait, youāre kissing him? Then what is he doing just standing there?Ā
A soft, startled sound escapes him, swallowed immediately by your mouth, before heās drowning in it. The kiss turns desperate, all relief and fear and weeks of restrained feeling collapsing into one reckless, aching moment.Ā
One wraps around your waist and the other catches at your back, hauling you flush against him with desperation. You feel the wound in his ribs in the way his body tightens, the way his breath catches sharply through his nose, but he ignores it completely, pressing you closer like he needs the proof of you there, solid and real and choosing him.
When you finally pull back, itās only because breathing becomes a necessity again.Ā
His forehead knocks against yours, his eyes fluttering close as he rests there, panting.Ā
The alarms are still going off somewhere beyond the ruined gallery. Water still laps around your ankles, cold and foul and full of things you would rather not identify. Security is shouting in the distance, voices getting closer, but here, in this stupid little pocket of aftermath, the world has narrowed down to the heat of his hands on you and the shape of his breath fanning over your mouth.
When he finally opens his eyes again, he looks a little dazed. Not concussed, though probably that too.
āYou kissed me,ā he says, and his voice comes out low and rough and almost disbelieving. āAfter everything?ā
You stare at him. āDo you want me to take it back?ā
His hands tighten instinctively at your waist. āNo!ā The answer leaves him quickly before he swallows, eyes flickering over your face to gauge your response. āNo, please donāt do that.āĀ
āIām still angry at you, you know.āĀ
āI know.ā
āYou lied to me.ā
āI know.ā
āYou kept lying to me.ā You stop. āYou also knew. This entire time you knew and you just played me twice over.āĀ
He winces a little at that. āYeah. That oneās harder to defend.ā
His gaze drops to your mouth for half a second before climbing back to your eyes, slower this time, more careful.
āI kept thinking thereād be a better time to tell you,ā he says. āA version of this where I could do it right. Then every time I almost said something, it got harder because the longer I waited, the worse it got, and I knew that. I knew I was making it worse, I justāI was scared. It was easier for me that way but I also know it was cowardly and Iām sorry.ā
You nod once. āAnd?āĀ
āAnd?ā he repeats before he catches the disapproving look in your eyes and starts scrambling for more. āAnd⦠Iām sorry forāwell. Actually Iām not sorry about that part.ā
You hit him lightly on the arm. āSay youāre sorry for deceiving me.ā
āRight, right. Sorry for deceiving you.āĀ
āAnd that you wonāt do it again.āĀ
āAnd I wonāt have sex with you in the Spiderman suit again.ā
You hit him again but your mouth twitches before you can stop it, the familiarity of the banter easing the uncertainty. He catches it, of course, that tiny almost-smile, and his expression softens.
āI really am sorry,ā he says again. āFor all of it. The disappearing. The missed presentation. The lies. Being me, I guess.ā
āBeing you is, unfortunately, one of your biggest issues.ā You pause, eyes flickering down to his lips. āBut I think Iām willing to work around that one.āĀ
You watch his eyes drop to your mouth in turn, watch the decision happen in him, quiet and unmistakable. He leans in first this time, just enough for his breath to warm your lips, just enough to make your pulse trip over itselfā
āTheyāre in here somewhere!ā
The shout tears through the gallery from the corridor behind you, followed immediately by the unmistakable chaos of multiple people splashing through floodwater at once.
āPlease save them!ā
āUtahime,ā Suguruās voice says, strained and much closer now, āif you scream at the police one more time, theyāre going to leave us hereāā
You jerk back so fast you nearly headbutt him and then his maybe concussion would have been a definite one.
Gojo blinks at you, dazed and breathing hard, his mouth still parted from the kiss you almost had before he too regains his senses and pulls back just enough to stop sharing the same air. Then, the both of you turn to that tunnel.
Utahime barrels into the gallery first, wild-eyed and soaked,hands cupping around her mouth as she calls your names, the wound on her leg now wrapped up. Shoko walks in right behind her with a tight expression that immediately crumbles at the scene. Geto is just behind them followed by two officers and what appears to be the entire remaining aquarium emergency staff.
You shove the mask still in your hand into your pocket, fingers fumbling once against the wet fabric, but donāt do much more to break away from the incriminating position. His hand is still on your waist, your own fingers are still hooked into the front of his hoodie, and your chest is pressed flush against his.Ā
Shoko is the first to say something. āWell. I guess you guys did make up after all.āĀ
āDid this happen before or after you took the crazy madman down?ā Utahime says, deciding that is the most important detail to clarify.Ā
āAre you two not done yet or should we come back in a bit?āĀ
Itās Getoās words that finally has you pulling apart, blushing madly and eyes looking frantically away from each other.
And when the police finally reach the two of you, shouting over one another and very tactfully ignoring your swollen lips, you feel something brush against your hand. Gojoās fingers curl carefully around yours, warm and tentative despite everything, and, more importantly, despite the very audible snickering coming from your right where your friends have been herded aside to let the officers work, you lace your fingers through his without hesitation.
Because with Gojoās thumb brushing against the side of your hand while an officer asks if either of you can walk unassisted, itās hard to feel like the world is ending anymore. You had spent so long acting like meeting Gojo Satoru on March 15th at 10:12am was the beginning of your personal apocalypse. Granted, he is still infuriating and he is still a liar. But standing there in a flooded aquarium with his hand in yours and his blood on his shirt and a superhero mask hidden in your pocket, you canāt help thinking maybe youād been a little dramatic.
Or maybe not. Maybe the world really had ended when you met Gojo Satoru. Itās just that, now that youāve survived the aftermath, youāre starting to think the next one might be better.
a/n: PHEWW thank u for making it to the end! this has been the unwanted child in my drafts for three whole years and rewriting it was a pain considering how unfunny i was but if thereās one less lonely girl in the world then itās worth it <3 this was a lot longer but i had to cut down for tumblrās character limit ā¹ļø rip to all the shoko + utahime silly scenes and the injured spiderman scene and the lab satoru scene and theā[GUNSHOT] regardless !! shoutout to flatline as always and to all the national days we missed the deadlines to <3 see you guys on the 28th for national burger day on this fine burger month š
Who are some of your favourite writers/some of your favourite fics?
HII MY LOVEā¼ļø
as someone who usually prefers plot & fluff over smut, here are some of my fav fics in the ~2 months iāve been reading ^^
@veilofsixeyes opposites attract ā the first fanfic iāve ever read on tumblr and the one that brought me into all of this. still one of my top 3 i canāt even describe how beautifully itās written you HAVE TO READ IT. this fic also inspired heavily inspired me to write the first one iāve ever written (also nerdjo šš)
@softtashoney i love you im sorry ā hooollllyyyyy i donāt even know how to describe this series its just genuinely so perfect and has one of the most original and engaging plots ive ever read, arguably my favourite ff series oat. the writing? the angst? the yearning?? this might be the only fic where iāve preferred any other character over gojo and actually ENJOYED a love triangle. peak peak PEAK:)
@cloudykumo kill me or kiss me ā i devoured this like never before. iāve genuinely never been so invested into a plot in my lifeāthis fic is the first one that genuinely made me like the writing of smut (i used to be the BIGGESTTTT smut hater n i always used to skip the entirety of smut parts in books and fanfics) but oh em geee when i tell you i was giggling and kicking my feet while reading this⦠if i ever lose my memory youāll never catch me complaining because it means that i can read this MASTERPIECE for the first time again
@mimuju room 307 ā oh la la i was in actual tears ugly crying and sobbing for the better part of a half hour. my exhausted 1am brain could not handle thisšš so so SO beautifully written and i love the way it portrays satoru as a normal human who was slowly withering away. words canāt describe how ā¼ļø this fic is, i aspire for my future writing to stir as much emotion in someone as this one stirred in me
@sashinemis CAITA series ā i read the first i think 7 chapters last month and IMMEDIATELY decided that i NEEDED to binge it all after it was finished bc i was so invested into the plot i knew i would literally die for every update. itās so investing and such a cool original plot idea?? like hello?? iām literally so obsessed and i canāt WAAAAIT to devour the rest.
@fricks best friend!geto series ā remember when i said i USUALLY prefer stuff over smut? yeah this absolute peak is what caused that exception. i think this series is what finally got me to remove the āsmut haterā out of my bio because this fic made me understand the hype. this beautiful beautiful series is written so toe curlingly amazing that i think it magically unlocked my inner freak. also the funniest blog with the funniest responses to asks ive ever seen lmaošš
@kingkaisen end of our world ā oh my goodness gracious i read this in a night where i was just grinding angst fics back to back (whatever okay) and this was the ONE. this is the one that had me bawling so hard i had to call it a night and finally go to bed thinking about it. i still think about this every day, if you read it anon youāll know why
@pillsatoru 10 things i hate about you ā my favourite FAVOURITE trope i eat up the whole āwas i just a bet??ā storyline every. single. time. and this fic is my favourite rendition of it. i ate this up so harddd like my camera roll is literally filled with so so many screenshots of scenes i liked š¤
@sixxels everything i donāt let myself want ā if i were to put all of my favourite fics from sixxels only, it would fill up this entire post and id reach the word limit from professing my undying love for her writing. this one in specific just stands out to me so much i love everything EVERYTHING about it. from their previous relationship to his insecurity to his jealousy and their argument oh la laaaaa thank you thank youšš
@saatorus whisper of the heart ā 32k words of absolute peak, the banter, the storyline, the EVERYTHING oh my days to say that this was anything less than perfect would be an objective lie. as a very very competitively academic girlie this fic rlly hit close to home in all aspects. the enemies to lovers trope in this fic is also wha inspired me to write my penalty for interference one !!
also sorry to any of u guys who donāt like being tagged unnecessarily. idk if im allowed to just do that but i NEED u to understand how hard i appreciate you guys n ur workšš
Falling in love with Gojo Satoru was as easy as reading the pages of your favorite book, not until you reached the very end of the chapter and the author just loves to twist the story.
contents: it was all a bet trope, angst lol, fluff, hurt!gojo, groveling, satoru gojo x fem!reader, college AU, playboy!gojo, comfort
credits to @/toOOfu for the art above!! ^^
***
September 1, 2023
"She looks like an easy target," Satoru chuckled as he watched you walk over to your friend, Utahime Iori, in the school cafeteria. It was one of those days when he would joke with Suguru and Shoko, with Suguru always making sure Satoru gets riled up by his joke.
Suguru simply told Satoru that girls may swoon over him, but he's sure that they're some others who probably would find him annoying, someone like you. That statement made Satoru cocky, and as prideful as he was, he made it into a bet that he'll make sure to make you fall in love with him by the end of December, enough time to swoon you over.
"We'll see about that, Satoru." Suguru smirked. "The end of December, you say?"
The latter nodded his head, a wide and annoying grin on his face. "Watch and you'll see, Suguru."
The catch? Nothing, just plain fun and feeding his ego.
"Satoru!" Oh, and here comes one of his girls. His flings.
September 2, 2023
Satoru wastes no time. The next day after making their bet, he quickly made advances towards you. After seeing you in the lockers first thing in the morning, he walked over and leaned to the locker right next to yours. And when you turned, you found him there with a smirk on his face.
"Hey, darling..." He said, almost seductively, if not only for the furrowed eyebrows in your face.
"Excuse me, who are you?" Your soft voice echoed in his head.
Now that hurts his ego. Satoru Gojo. Gojo Satoru. The handsome Satoru. The greatest. The flirt. The smartest. The playboy. The Gojo Satoru. The damn Gojo Satoru who you didn't even know who.
His mind was floating elsewhere after hearing your question. As unbelievable as it may sound, you were, unfortunately, serious about not knowing him. And guessing by the look in your face, he definitely was not making a good first impression.
First attempt: Failed.
But he's not the Gojo Satoru for nothing. No, he won't give up just yet.
So he straightened his composure, faking a cough as he flashes his smile that makes all his girls go crazy, and lowers his head to show you his ocean blue eyes underneath his glasses.
He definitely made sure you won't forget his name as he asks forces you to walk you into class, blabbering nonsense by your side.
You were just too nice to tell him to go away.
September 16, 2023
Gojo Satoru was persistent. Walking you to class, even waiting for you outside the door when he was vacant, disturbing your quiet study session at the library, sitting with you at the cafeteria table when Shoko or Suguru was not there. You definitely didn't forget his name this time as he became the annoying Gojo Satoru who's becoming a nuisance to your somewhat quiet life turned into a roller coaster.
During those days, Gojo found out things about you. You were studying at the architecture department, you like arts and coffees as for what he noticed when you were at the library, you were at the top of your class, and you have a few admirers that you turned down in a nice way possible, just like how you were turning him down too.
He also took note of the fact that you were introverted, and a little shy with people so he might just go easy on you. You had a soft voice, however, you weren't as innocent as you came out to be. You are honest with your words, so when you say you're not interested in him, then you're truly not.
You weren't an easy target after all. But Gojo Satoru loved the thrill, you challenged him so much that he wasn't about to give up now that you intrigued him. He wanted to prove to himself that he can get anyone, he can have whatever he wants, and he definitely will.
"It's raining, it won't hurt to get in my car, princess." He said nearly in your ears. You pushed his face away with a look of disgust.
"No way, Gojo. You probably took so many girls in there already, and how can I be so sure you won't do anything bad?" You frowned at him, shoving his chest away as you stand outside the doors of your building, waiting for the rain to stop. You were angry, but damn you can't even raise your voice at him.
Soft. Too damn soft. Can he break you?
Through the days that he came by to woo you, it didn't matter anymore what words came out of your mouth. People may see you as the shy type of girl, but you're not afraid to voice out your opinion, and your somewhat intimidating face speaks a lot for you.
"Jealous?" He laughed when you glared at him. "Princess, I can assure you I haven't taken anyone inside my car. Plus, I can even buy a new one exclusively just for you if it bothers you too much." He grinned, annoyingly.
You gave him a moment of silence, and that sparked a new hope in Satoru's ego that you might be considering his offer now.
"Well... no."
Oh.
But he could only smirk, assuming you were only playing hard to get. Girls always liked when boys chase after them, no?
"I'll walk you home then."
You shot daggers at his back as he ran to his car, and came back with an umbrella. His shirt got a bit soaked, hair a little wet after running to the car, but damn, he still got that annoying smirk on his face.
You sighed, how annoying.
September 29, 2023
He never gave up despite how you rejected him multiple times. He stuck by your side even though you don't want him to, and he was somehow getting into your system. He carries your bag when he walks you to class, or just about anywhere, and you didn't even give your bag to himāhe practically forced you. He'd buy you coffee in the morning, making sure he gets the right order, and when you give money to pay, he'd refuse and shove the money back in your wallet. Sometimes, he'd give you sweets even if you don't ask him to, giving you the flavors that he likes the most.
Funny how you can't even get him to stop whatever he's trying to do. No man has ever pursued you like he does.
"Gojoā"
"That's Satoru for you, love." He cut you off with a playful smile. "Haven't I told you already?"
"Gojo." You repeated seriously. His eyes glinted with interest as he waited for your words. "Get lost, please."
How nice of you to say please.
He laughs. He had the audacity to laugh. "You know, you're really cute."
"Look," you sighed tiredly. "Whatever this is you're trying to do, stop. I'm not interested. If you want to get into my pants like you did to those other girls, that's not going to happen."
With one look at him, you snatched your bag from him and walked away with your heart beating loudly. Your face was heating up after saying each word, and never in your life have you turned someone down so harshly.
Satoru watched as you walked away. Sure, that hurt his pride, but he can't let his ego step on so easily.
He left you alone during the day, just giving you the space since he seemed to have pushed your buttons a bit. Plus, he was busy with basketball practice since his coach was already nagging him for not attending their training.
However, your assumptions were only proved to be true when you caught him with a girl at the parking lot the same day. A cheerleader, stroking his chest as if she was comforting him as her other hands wiped his sweat with a towel. You looked at his physique, Satoru Gojo was in his basketball uniform, showing a lot of his biceps. You watched as his adam's apple protruding as he drank his water.
You felt annoyed. Your eyes turning red when you see just how he didn't mind the cheerleader. Of course, Gojo Satoru was a playboy.
Who cares? You definitely didn't.
That's what you thought.
You walked in the opposite direction, just so you wouldn't cross paths. But of course, Gojo Satoru will always see you. After all, he was at the parking lot waiting just for you, and only you.
"Wait up!" You heard his voice from behind, and you didn't even look back, thinking he wasn't calling out for you. You wished he was calling for you.
Satoru grabbed your wrist, and forced you to look at him. "Hey!"
Your brows furrowed, trying to yank your wrist away at his strong hold. "What do you want?"
"Woah... slow down." He said as he grasped your elbows with both hands. His eyes searched yours, his piercing blue eyes staring at the raging fire burning in your gaze. "What's wrong?"
You swear, your brows almost met each other at him. But you didn't want to burst. At least, not in front of him. "Go back to your cheerleader, Gojo." You frowned at him.
He observed you for a minute, then a small smile crept on his lips. Realizing just how much he's finally having an effect on you.
"Sorry," he chuckled.
"What?!" You almost shout at him in annoyance.
"I said, I'm sorry, princess." He repeated. "I didn't think of you as the jealous type. Plus, she was just helping me."
"Help you what? Wipe off your sweat? Since you don't have the hands to do it for yourself?" You glared at his annoying handsome face. "You playboy. I knew you were just trying to play with me." You said, pushing his chest with your pointer finger.
He pursed his lips as he caught your wrist, stopping you. "Now, now, don't think like that." He chuckled. "I'm sorry, I'll be sure to push those girls away so you won't be mad at me anymore."
And damn, he was true to his words. He didn't know what got into him, but he definitely started rejecting every girl that came his way. He didn't even feel sorry, and he even stopped calling those poor girls with sweet endearments as he rejected them.
Gojo Satoru was slowly starting to feel something for you. But he doesn't even know it just yet.
In a span of a month, he successfully got into your system.
October 6, 2023
"How's the deal going?" Suguru asked as they walked together to their class.
"Poor girl, I heard from people that she's nice." Shoko added, shaking her head at them. "Though people may see her as intimidating, they said she's really kind. A soft voice, and all that. Shouldn't you stop, Satoru?"
"Nah, I think I'm enjoying this." Satoru shrugged.
Of course, Satoru definitely felt something tugging at his heart. He definitely liked having you around, since you were giving just the right thrill to rile him up, he loved every rejection, and every attention you gave him. But somehow, he was feeling a little guilty. But he's too prideful to even admit that.
"Plus, she's friends with Utahime. That girl hates you a lot, Satoru." Shoko said. "You wouldn't want to hurt her best friend."
October 13, 2023
"Didn't I tell you to call me Satoru?" He raised his eyebrows at you as he accompanied you in the library, placing a coffee and a small cookie right next to your books.
"We're not friends, Gojo."
"Right, since you're going to be my girlfriend."
You shot him a look, sighing as you turned the pages of your book. "What do you want this time?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to spend time with my favorite person." He smiled, opening his books too. "I'll study with you. I promise, I'll be quiet."
You didn't respond to that, just expecting him to keep his words. And when he did stay silent like he promised, you were already thanking god for having to hear your prayers.
As the hours went by, you slowly fell asleep, your head resting in your arms as your books laid discarded. Satoru looked at you, a small smile crept on his face as he gently stroked your hair.
He stood up, organizing your books in a pile, taking your pencil case as he shoved your pens in them and putting it inside your bag, he got the empty cup of coffee that he got for you and threw it in the trash can, and he did it all so as to not wake you. He waited for a few hours, tenderly watching you doze off, before he tapped your shoulders to wake you up so he could take you home.
October 18, 2023
Maybe Satoru felt guilty now.
He twists and turns in his bed, thinking of you and how you put up with him everyday. And everything you do, never escape in his eyes as he finds himself memorizing you.
You'd smile at him nicely, despite how your eyes show how annoyed you were.
Your feet would tap the floor when you get too nervous.
You don't even know but you unconsciously hold a piece of fabric in his shirt when it gets too crowded, hiding behind him when there's a lot of people.
He notices how your hands move gracefully as you trace your art project, eyes furrowed and focus on getting your work done.
Truthfully, he adores your smiles. The way your eyes would squint every time your lips stretch in delight. He held your hands once at his attempt of flirting, and it was so soft that he couldn't even get himself to let go. He loved playing with your soft, silky hair whenever you fell asleep in the library, staying by your side until you woke up. He also loved your silence, the comforting atmosphere that you give off seems to calm something in his heart. When he manages to get a proper conversation with you, he just wants to melt every time he hears your sooting voice.
And nervously, he thinks he's starting to like you.
October 23, 2023
Slowly, Satoru became a part of your day. Somehow, he managed to finally be friends with you, and still, you refused to call him Satoru, indicating that you still cannot allow yourself to be casual with him.
That's fine. He can settle for whatever you can give him. For now.
"Baby, there's a basketball game coming up this Friday..." Satoru trailed off. You were almost going to point out his endearment, but then again, it's Satoru, and you were slowly getting used to him.
"What?" You asked. "So?"
"I bought you tickets so you can watch. It's two tickets, so you can bring your friend."
He didn't even ask if you wanted to, but then again, for a hundredth time, it's Satoru. He wanted you to watch his game, nonetheless.
And you did. Your seat being close to their benches so he can see you easily.
October 27, 2023
"Seriously? I'm about to watch our school's basketball game, because Gojo Satoru invited you?" Utahime said annoyed as you both sat at your assigned seats.
"Well... yes..." You said shyly, looking around at the amount of people in the stadium. "You know, we've been hanging out a lotā"
"I told you, he's bad news." Utahime cut you off. "How am I supposed to get that in your head?"
"I know, I know... But he's actually been nice. Haven't you notice?"
Utahime thought for a moment. Of course, she noticed some changes. Gojo Satoru seemed to be spending his time with you lately. He didn't even care about his ex flings, or his admirers, he was solely focused on you. Usually, Gojo would take a girl wrapped around his fingers in a day, and then disposing them just as quick after he got what he wanted. He looks like he's not like that to you, Utahime thought. Though, she hated his guts, Utahime knew you were enjoying having him around.
She sighed, "Just... don't get hurt, okay?"
You chuckled at her. "Why would I?"
After the game ended, with your school cheering loudly at winning, Utahime said she had to go home quickly, so you were left alone.
You didn't know what to do, or where to go. Satoru was busy with his teammates, talking and congratulating each other. Satoru wanted to go to you quickly, but his fans surrounded him, stopping him from going your way as they celebrated their victory.
Satoru knew too well that you didn't like the crowd, so he was trying hard to escape from it.
Your eyes watched as his fans congratulated him, asking for pictures, and even giving him gifts. You sighed, texting him that you'll be going home since he wasn't about to finish anytime soon.
You understood that he was famous, and all that. He's Satoru Gojo, after all. And it's another part of him that you're still not used to.
A part of you was proud of him. And you couldn't possibly be selfish about him, especially if you only recently got to know him.
Satoru hurriedly ran away from the crowd, excusing himself politely as he saw you walking through the exit doors. He got his bag, and ran to catch up to you.
Thanks to his long legs, and his intense basketball training, he was able to catch up to you quickly. "Hey!" He called.
You turned as you heard his voice, seeing his disheveled hair and sweaty forehead as he ran to you. "Gojo, hey, I texted you andā"
"Hey..." He greeted, panting heavily.
You pursed your lips, getting a handkerchief from your pocket so you can wipe the sweat off his face. "Why did you leave them? Everyone was celebrating with you."
"You weren't there." He frowned. "What's the point of it..."
Satoru was tired after the game, but he was regaining his strength once he saw you.
"Nonsense." You chuckled, in which he frowned even more.
"I'll take you home." He said as he holds your hand to his, leading you to his car. "I invited you anyway, it's my responsibility to take care of you."
You nodded, getting in his car since you had been tired from all the crowd.
When he reached your home, he quickly got off so he could open the door for you.
Oh, the little things that he does.
You both stand outside of your house awkwardly, both trying to find the right words to say. You looked away, tapping your feet nervously as Satoru watches you.
"Congratulations... Satoru."
Satoru... Satoru... Satoru... His name never felt so good until you said it. It was like an achievement, a big prize that he won in his life. And his heart was almost about to explode when you finally called him by his name.
Satoru almost stuttered thanks to you. Slowly, he was approaching you until your back leaned in his car.
He closed his eyes, as his head fell on your shoulders. "Say that again... please?"
"Huh?" You were confused, your face blushing at the proximity. "Congratulations?"
"No... say my name... please, baby?"
His voice was so soft, desperately asking you to say the words he longed to hear from you. Satoru felt weak in his knees.
He looked up at you finally, his eyes searching your soul. Despite the darkness of the night, his eyes were glowing brighter than the moon.
"Satoru?"
"Fuck..."
Satoru Gojo knew he's in danger.
The moment he locked eyes with your eyes, looking at them until it darted on your lips. Before he knew it, he was leaning down for a kiss.
And fuck it, just how dangerous it was that you weren't even pulling away.
October 28, 2023
You were confused when you saw Satoru at your front door the next morning, his hands holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked absolutely handsome in his shirt, his sleeves tucked until his elbow.
You blush when you remember what happened last night. "Satoru, what are you doing here? It's a Saturday."
"I know," he said, handing you the bouquet of tulips. "I missed you."
"H-huh?"
"Will you allow me to take you out on a date?"
His heart was at bliss when you said yes to him. It was a simple coffee shop date, but you felt so happy as he made sure you were also comfortable and having fun. Having casual talks with you, but this time, there was a lying affection between you two.
And when he took you home, he slowly sealed your lips in a kiss. Exploring your mouth gently, smiling as he pulled away.
October 30, 2023
Satoru finally told Suguru he wants to stop whatever game they started with each other.
"Just about time you do."
Satoru swears he felt his ears heat up when Suguru said those words with a teasing grin. Shoko was laughing at his flushed state, clapping her hands in delight.
"Ah! I knew it!" She exclaimed. "Knew you were going to fall on your own trap. Well, that's actually good."
Satoru blushed even more. Finally, he can admit that he was starting to like you. Love you even.
In all honesty, he felt like he couldn't even live without you in his life. He felt like every moment with you was precious, and he was desperate to make you his, seriously this time.
All those times that he accompanied you to class, were influenced by his own choice. He could've just left you alone some days, but he didn't even know he was doing all those things unintentionally. Buying you snacks, and your coffee, he could've easily stopped that after every rejection, but he chose not to.
Gojo Satoru wanted to always be a part of your day. He was already a part of your present, and he wants to be there in your past, and still be in your future.
November 3, 2023
Satoru, as usual, was eating lunch with you in the cafeteria. Everyone in the school knew by now that he was not entertaining anyone anymore, just you. And he made it that obvious, looking at you so lovingly everyone who passed by would've looked at you in envy.
"Why aren't you with Shoko and Suguru?" You asked as you take a sip of your coffee. You looked over to the table where his friends sat, both busy at whatever conversation they had.
"They don't mind." Satoru replied, scooting closer in your seat. "You should get used to it by now."
"To what?"
"Sitting with you during lunch." He smiled when you looked away. "I like being with you."
Your mind wandered off somewhere when he said that. Does he like you or does he like the company that you give?
November 10, 2023
Satoru was frowning at you when he saw you sitting with another guy in the library. At your usual spot, in his seat, in front of you. He was annoyed that someone even had the guts to make a move to you.
Slowly, with heavy steps, he approached your table, sitting at the vacant chair next to you. His hands wrapped itself between your waist, as his jealousy pulled him to kiss your cheek in front of your innocent classmate.
"Baby..." He whispered closely in your ear. "I was looking for you."
He looked in front to shoot daggers at the guy you were with. The innocent stranger blushed as he looked away, "Uh... I guess I'll see you tomorrow. I'll message you if I need help."
The guy hurried on his feet, stumbling as he exited the library. Satoru's arms tighten on your waist and you looked at his angry face.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Who is he and why is he going to message you?" A frown was evident in his face, and he was getting a little too close. You had never seen him this intimidated.
"That's my partner for a group project, idiot." You muttered the last word. "You scared him off."
Satoru pulled you close, nuzzling his nose against your temple. "It's annoying..."
"What's annoying?"
Satoru cursed under his breath, "Come on, I'll take you out to dinner."
But while he was driving, it was painfully silent. You're not used to this kind of mood, he was always playful and teasing, but now, he was glaring ahead at the car in front of him, as if the car did something wrong.
His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and for some reason, you find yourself putting your hands above his, running circles on his tensed ones.
His hold loosened up a bit, and he sighed heavily.
"Tell me, what's wrong, Satoru."
Satoru pulled over to the side, facing you with a nervous face. "I'm sorry..."
"For what?"
"I was... jealous." He answered truthfully. He frowned, not liking the feeling twisting in his stomach. "I've never felt this before, baby. I want to keep you to myself, to always have you by my side and not anyone else, and it's so selfish that I hate myself for it. You're driving me crazy, and fuck it, I love you. I love you for making me like this. You don't understand... I'm head over heelsā"
You interrupted him with a kiss. Satoru didn't even realize that he was already confessing, not until he felt your mouth against his.
It felt like there were fireworks exploding in your surroundings. Feels like he was finally breathing for the first time ever. Like the summer melting his winter.
"I love you too, Satoru."
He felt like dying right then and there, cupping your cheeks in a hungry kiss. Pulling you to his lap as you both make out in his car.
"Can I be your boyfriend?"
How can he be so cute, muttering those words weakly underneath you?
His question was not even a 'will you be my girlfriend' but a 'can i be your boyfriend?'
It was so cute. He was asking you your permission, he was asking to be yours.
He was... surrendering his heart to you.
And who were you to deny him?
November 20, 2023
You found out Gojo Satoru is a clingy man. It was obvious, the first time that he never left you alone, but this time, it only got worse, in a good way though.
He holds your hand when you're together, not even caring when girls would look at the two of you jealously. He doesn't care if a teacher sees him snuggling his face against your neck, he just wants to be that close to you. He will ask for a cuddle every time you two spend your time in your house. He would dart his tongue out teasingly at Shoko and Suguru when all of you sat at the same table, and he was hugging your waist and leaning his head on your shoulder. And when you two are in a private space, especially his car, he'd pull you in his lap for a long make out session.
You weren't even complaining, since you loved him just as much.
"Utahime!" You smiled when you saw your best friend in the cafeteria. "Haven't seen you in a while."
Utahime gave out a tired sigh. "I know, the professor is always giving out so many tasks, I might pass out anytime soon." She chuckled. "How are you? You and Gojo? He's like a lovesick puppy always sticking by your tail."
You chuckled. "That's so exaggerated, Utahime... But I'm really really happy."
Utahime was glad to hear her only best friend was this happy. She was thanking god that Gojo finally decided to be serious over a girl for once, and if he ever just breaks your heart, she'd be so sure to be the first to kick his ass.
December 4, 2023
"You're still with her?" Gojo's ex flings, Jia, asked him during his basketball training. Jia was the cheerleader girl that you saw him with in the parking lot, the fling that Satoru had for a month, longer than usual. He already rejected her, but she's still desperately trying to get with him.
"Of course, I am." He muttered, annoyingly. He snatched the towel that she was holding, her attempt to help him wipe his sweat. "Jia, I already told youā"
"Isn't she just a bet?"
Satoru froze, as if a bucket of ice was dropped all over his body. Her voice rang in his head, and he blinked furiously a few times.
"She's notā"
"But I heard you and Geto." Jia smirked, knowing she was just pushing the right buttons. "Come on, you were at the cafeteria, were you not expecting someone to hear you? I was pitying her when I saw the poor girl slowly starting toā"
"Whatever you heard, Jia, is none of your business." Satoru said in a cold-hearted tone. "I love her. Get that in that little brain of yours." He scoffed, walking away.
Jia was furious, her eyes turning black in anger. Oh, she wanted to hurt you. She was the last fling of Satoru, and just because of you, he was acting like this. She didn't like the fact that you easily stole him from her.
December 13, 2023
The fall. The breaking point.
Suguru was having a party in his house, a public year-end party with a few of his college friends and blockmates, everyone was invited to have fun. Satoru took you with him, making sure to just stay by your side so you won't get lost at the sea of people.
"How are you two holding up?" Suguru approached you two, handing a cup to Satoru. "You two having fun?"
You nodded your head quietly. "Yeah... there's a lot of people. Are they all from our university?"
"Some are outsiders," Suguru chuckled. "Satoru, we're about to play by the pool. We'll wait for you there."
Satoru nodded, pulling you by the waist as Suguru left. "You okay, baby? Do you want to go home?"
You shake your head, "No, no, it's fine. We can stay a bit more."
"Mhmm, just tell me if you get tired, okay?"
You two walked together to the backyard, where the swimming pool was at. It was a bit crowded, but definitely fewer than inside Suguru's house. Shoko was there, a few of Suguru's friends, and Satoru's basketball teammates. They were all passing out their drinks, mixing whatever liquor was there.
Everyone said hi to Satoru, even to you. You watched silently as a few of his friends talked to him.
"Satoru, I'll go to Shoko first." You whispered above the noise. He turned his head at you, stopping his conversation with his friends.
"What? I'll go with you thenā"
"No, it's fine, Shoko's just there." You said, pointing at Shoko who was lighting a cigarette right next to Suguru. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
Satoru nodded reluctantly as he let you approach Shoko and Suguru, turning back to his friends, glancing at you once in a while.
But when he wasn't looking, Jia just had the perfect timing to enter the scene, stopping you midway.
"Oh, it's Satoru's little toy." Jia slurred her words. You looked at her confused as she looked at you judging. "He's still not breaking up with you? He wants to hurt you that bad, huh?" She chuckled.
You were trying to assess her words. You recognized her as the cheerleader Satoru was with last time, and her aura and words were making you nervous. What was she trying to say? What did she mean by that?
Satoru saw you, and his breath hitch when he saw who you are with. He looked over at Shoko and Suguru, who both stood up to approach you, but Jia was already taking advantage of you being alone.
"Poor girl," she frowned teasingly. "I'm pretty sure Satoru didn't want to go too far with the bet."
"Bet?" Your voice came out hoarse. You looked over at Jia's shoulder, where Shoko and Suguru stood frozen in their spot, their eyes widened in horror, and it gave you just enough explanation about what's happening.
"Oh, they were just betting about how Satoru can make you fall in love 'til December." She laughed wickedly. "I'm sorry, honey, you had to find out this way, but really, I was feeling sorry that I have to tell youā"
Her words were cut short when you felt a hand on your wrist. And you turned to see Satoru, his eyes red and shaking, "Baby..."
"Satoru? Was that true?" You looked into his eyes, hopeful. Your eyes welled up in tears, and his silence just made it worse. His hold on you was trembling, and he couldn't even say the right words out of his mouth.
You looked at Suguru and Shoko, your eyes pleading. "Shoko? Suguru?"
Another silence. It's like something was pulling the strings of your heart, threatening to cut your lifeline. And it hurt so much when they couldn't even say something.
You heaved a gasp, trying to stop a sob to escape your lips. But you failed miserably as Satoru tried to pull you in his embrace. "Let me explainā"
You pushed him away furiously, eyes angrily glaring at him. "Explain? Explain what?! That what she said was true?!"
Satoru's hands balled in a fist, and he felt his eyes burning as you pushed him away from his touch. His heart aches when you look at him full of hatred, and hurt. He felt his world slowly crumbling apart when you ran away in a hurry.
You quickly called Utahime, asking her to pick you up as soon as possible. While Satoru stood there helpless, his feet glued to the ground. He looked at Suguru, his eyes searching for help.
All of you were equally shocked, and nervous.
"Fucking go after her, Satoru!" Shoko shouted as she pulled Jia's hair. "Fucking bitch!"
The latter cried, but Satoru couldn't care less as Suguru pushed him to move. As fast as he could, he ran outside the door of Suguru's house, walking past every dancing body, he didn't even care if he crashed into someone, he just wanted to get to you.
And when he found you walking by the sidewalk, his heart started crying at your panicked state. He approached you, holding your wrist to stop you from walking any further.
"Satoru!"
"Let's talk, pleaseā"
"Let go of me!"
"Let's talk, baby. Let's talk this out." He pleaded desperately, hands grasping your shoulders to stop you from moving.
Your body trembled against him, hands covering your face as you tried to stop your tears from falling continuously. "I hate you."
"I know you doā"
"Fucking jerk."
"I know, I knowā"
"Don't touch me!" You burst, pushing him away harshly. His heart crashed into pieces, his breath coming out shallow and slow. Just like you, he was crying just as bad. "I knew! I knew from the very start you were up to no good! Utahime warned me, my friends warned me! But fuck you! I thought you actually cared! I thought you lovedā"
"I love you, baby..." He said, weakly.
"You lying skim! I thought you changed!"
"Please, baby, let's talk about this when we're not angry? Please?" He tried to reach out for you, but his heart felt like it was losing its strength when you back away.
"I don't want to see youā"
"N-no, you don't mean that..." His voice came out as a whisper, a desperate plea for you to listen to him. "I'll take you home, we'll talk, okay? I'll explain andā"
"There's no use, Gojo."
Cruel. How cruel of you to say his last name so coldly. It was a sign that Satoru refused to look at. A sign that you were tired, that you want to let this go already.
His beautiful blue eyes seemed to lose its life, the same way that he was losing you. One moment, you were there by his side, and now... you looked at him as if you wanted to get him out of your life.
And it hurt so bad. It hurt so bad when he tried to touch you, but you still furiously backed away.
"I love you." His voice cracked, looking at you weakly. His hands shake by his side, fighting the urge to reach out for you.
You breathed heavily, shaking your head at him as you said nothing back. You clenched your teeth, not wanting to let him hear your sobs. You're starting to pity yourself, of how stupid you had become. You should've listened to Utahime the first time.
December 14, 2023
Satoru had never felt this lifeless before. Even Shoko and Suguru couldn't help him as he refused to talk to any of them.
His eyes were searching for you everywhere in the cafeteria, but to his dismay, you never showed up the whole day, not even in your classes. He wanted to ask Utahime when he saw her walking down the hallways, but the girl only glared at him as she walked passed. And Gojo was just as helpless as ever.
He messaged and called you a few times, but you didn't answer. He wanted to go to your house, but he can't even find the courage to do it.
December 15, 2023
Satoru finally saw you after a day of absence. You looked tired, and he was mentally cursing at himself for making you like this. He was starting to hate himself, and he's not going to forgive himself anytime soon.
Satoru tried to approach you, but you didn't even dare look him in the eye. He bit his lower lip, trying his hardest to stabilize his breathing. Just like he usually does, he walks you to class, only a few steps behind this time.
Fine, he'll settle for this. He'll give you the space you needed first before anything else.
At the cafeteria, he didn't see you once again. That worried him as he left Shoko and Suguru to look for you. The first place he thought of was the library, and he was glad to see you there.
You glanced up from your book, feeling someone staring at you. And you were right as your eyes met with Satoru, and your heart ached as your brows furrowed at him.
You looked away, trying not to be affected.
All throughout the day, Satoru thought of you and your last interaction. Every time the memory flashed in his mind, he wanted to punch himself. Hurt himself twice as much.
He fucked up so bad, and he wanted to make it up to you.
So he finally had the courage to wait outside your classroom's door after his class, waiting for the professor to dismiss everyone. He didn't waste anymore time as he got by your side quickly when you walked out the door.
Your name rolled out his tongue slowly, and you stopped dead on your track.
"I'll t-take you home..." He stuttered, his eyes searching yours for any emotion. But your eyes were dead, not even a single anger, or love for him in there.
"I'm fine, Gojo. You can go awayā"
"I'm not going away."
You turned to him furiously. It was like you two are back to square one, to the first time you two met, and no one should ever forget that Gojo Satoru was persistent. But this time, two hearts were breaking and in a need to mend.
"P-please, let's talkā"
You didn't respond as you walked away fast, but damn his legs for always being able to keep up with you. Despite how Satoru took the hint that you don't want to talk to him, he still didn't care. It didn't matter to Satoru if he couldn't take you home with his car, he'll walk with you instead, like how he used to.
He'll be quiet. He just wants to be with you.
December 16, 2023
You hated Saturday classes. And you hate it even more that Satoru Gojo was tailing you behind. Trying his best to get you to talk to him.
"Babyā"
"Don't call me that."
He coughed awkwardly, blinking his tears away. "You didn't eat lunch today again, let me take youā"
"Cut the crap, Gojo."
He gulped when you looked at him, with hatred in your eyes.
Maybe, just maybe he can settle for this. Look at him. Just look at him. At least look at him, even if you don't want to love him anymore. It's fine. He understands. Just look at him.
"Stop with the act already. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of you."
"I'm sorry..." He muttered against his breath. "But I can't. Not until you listen to me." Not until you take him back.
"There's nothing for you to explain anymore, Gojo. I've had enough, and I get it. I understand as bright as day that it was just a gameā"
"It's fucking not." He gritted his teeth. As much as he didn't want to be harsh, he was so desperate in wanting you to lend your ears to him. "It wasn't a game for me. And I did love you. I fucking love you still. Yes, it was a bet at first, but I told Suguru that I wanted to stop. He knows just how much I love you. Shoko knows. Fucking everyone knows at this point. Why can't you just listen to me?"
He catches his breath as he finishes voicing out his words. But no, you were a little hard in the head. You wouldn't believe him that fast. You didn't want to hurt your heart again.
"I don't love you."
You didn't know what gave you the urge to say that. It wasn't really true, but the wrong words seem to be the only right words to cut it out.
If Satoru's heart is already breaking, he was sure it is now turning into ashes. You're a liar, he tried to convince himself. You love him, and he's not about to give up just yet.
December 18, 2023
You can hurt Satoru how much you want, but that will never stop him from loving and chasing after you.
Another frustrated sigh came out from you when he left a cookie on your table to your first class, with a note saying, 'I love you. Don't forget to eat.' with his name underneath and a heart. You didn't even know how he managed to put these on your table so early in the morning, and your heart just wants to surrender.
But no, you're not.
So, even if it comes out too heartless, you offered the cookie to the person next to you as you crumpled the note, throwing it away inside your bag so no one would see it.
During lunch, Satoru saw you at your usual table, and tried to sit with you. But you got up in a hurry, pulling Utahime who just got back from the bathroom with you.
Being angry at him is one thing, but avoiding him? No, he can't take that. He'd rather have you stay mad at him, scream and hurt him verbally, even slap him if you want, but giving him the cold shoulder was you telling him that he doesn't exist in your world anymore. Satoru's heart is barely living at this point.
Satoru cursed to himself, standing up and going back to Shoko and Suguru who looked at him with a sad smile.
"Give it time, Satoru."
But time doesn't seem to be on his side.
And fate doesn't get along with you on your most desperate days as you watched the rain poured down once again. It was like deja vu. Standing outside the building, waiting for the rain to stop so you can go home.
But the rain was falling a little too harsh, and you know it's not about to stop anytime soon. It was like the rain also had a turmoil within itself, crying heavily just the same way your heart did.
You hate yourself for always forgetting an umbrella as you take a step, lifting your bag to your head, as you let the rain soak your clothes. It's the last day of school today anyway, you're finally taking your Christmas vacation tomorrow, and it wouldn't hurt to get sick for a few days.
Unbeknownst to you, Satoru comes to the rescue at the right time.
He held an umbrella as he ran after you, being careful as he strides so he won't trip on his feet.
He called your name, stopping shortly when he finally got you under the umbrella and pulling you close by the waist.
"I'll take you home." He shouted above the rain.
Your body trembled in the cold, and Satoru was embracing you like he used to. He didn't even mind if you got his clothes wet. But you still have the guts to push him away. "No! I can go home by myself!"
"Stop being stubborn!" Despite holding you with one hand, his other hand holding the umbrella, he still managed to keep you on your feet, his hand squeezing your waist tightly.
"Gojoā"
"Stop it!"
"Let go of me!"
"You're going to get sick!"
"I don't fucking care!"
"No, I'll take you homeā"
"Gojo Satoru!"
Satoru gave up as you writhed from his embrace. He dropped his umbrella, using both his hands to grab your waist, and kissing you in the rain.
His tongue was invading, seeking every corner of your mouth desperately. Fuck, he missed this. He missed you so much. And he didn't even care if the rain was slowly ruining his hair and clothes, as long as he had you right here in his arms.
It was a dangerous dance underneath the cold waters beneath the rain. Two lovers, hopelessly trying to heal their broken hearts. Their lips tangled together like it was their last chance to be like this again.
"Satoru..."
"I'll take you home..."
How did you let yourself become weak for him?
You handed him a towel as both of you entered your home. Despite how upset you are with him, you couldn't possibly just leave him wet by the rain and catch a cold. You were just being nice, you said to yourself. It's not because of your affection towards him, you're just being a helpful woman who still has a heart so you invited him into your house. Thats it, that's all there is, perhaps.
Before you can leave him, Satoru holds your hand, electrifying the two of you to stop you from your tracks. You tried to look at him in the eye, but it was impossible. Satoru doesn't even try to hide how much he's hurting in front of you, and that just doubles the pain that you're feeling right now.
"Let's talk..." He said weakly. "Please? I'm not leaving if we don't talk."
"Satoru, please, just let it go..."
"No," he shakes his head stubbornly. "You mean so much to me."
Your breath hitched as he pulled you close, cupping your cheeks with both hands as he leaned his forehead against yours.
"It's true, we did make a bet..." He closed his eyes, the words falling in his mouth felt like daggers shot straight to his heart. "And I hate myself for it. For being a prideful jerk who wanted to prove he can have whoever he wants, and hurting you in the process..."
Satoru breathed heavily, his hands rubbing circles on your cheek. "Before I knew it, I was down badly on my knees. I wanted you. I love you. I wanted to spend each and every waking moment with you. And I told Suguru, and Shoko, that I wanted to stop whatever game we agreed upon, so I can start loving you truthfully..."
"Satoru..."
"And I felt so alive, baby. When you told me you love me too, when you let me be your boyfriend, when you finally accepted my love for you. Fuck, I can die a happy man. I just... love you. I love being loved by you. I love it when you let me love you. I love it when you do nothing and it just drives me wild. I love it every time I see your eyes looking at me. I love hearing your voice, seeing you smile, and love it even more when you let me hold your hand! I love every single piece of your soul, and I want you. I want to always be with you. My heart aches for you, baby... please..."
He was crying. Oh, god, he was crying as he confessed everything to you. And you swear your heart wants to come out from your chest.
Your heart was swelling, he was mending your bruises, healing your scars in every word he uttered. Your tears were falling nonstop, and your hands quiver to place it above his.
"Satoru..." You sobbed, looking at his helpless blue eyes who'd been crying buckets as well. "I hate the fact that I love you so much."
Satoru heaved a gasp as he pulled you to his embrace, sealing you in a wet kiss. Somehow, it didn't even feel cold anymore now that you have your arms around him again.
His face settled on your neck, and he was catching his breath. He ran his hands in your hair, holding you tight as if he was afraid to let you go.
"Don't leave me again..."
"I won't. I promise." You let out a low chuckle. This time, you cupped his cheek so he could look at you. "I love you so much, Satoru. I'm so sorry for hurting you."
"I deserved it." He smiled. Finally, he was smiling at you. "And I love you more."
Satoru made sure he's not letting you escape this time. Everyday, he's going to make it up to you. He's going to tell you how much he loves you, and he's going to make sure you'll never even forget it until you fall asleep. He's going to love you like it's breathing, and he promised to himself he's going to love you until the next lifetime.
***
i know i said I'll do the part 2 of my Suguru fic, but im so sorry this was in my head for ages š i promised ill start part 2 in a while... anyways, thanks for reading! its not proofread so im sorry for any typographical errors and spelling ^^
Heartbroken and destroyed, youāre set on never seeing that stupid white haired boy ever again. Gojo makes that impossible.
fratboy!gojo x f!reader
notes: WOW WOW WOW! I've been out of town so im sooo sorry for taking so long to update and leaving u guys hanging! i was not expecting that much engagement AT ALL SO THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! but im also super duper nervous bc im not crazy about this one :') so a little nervous it might not meet expectations</3. Also might have lied about a different ending- we shall see but i took so long with this i didn't want to make u guys wait any longer so sorry if it wasnt what you wanted! also hope you guys don't think reader is too big of a cry baby, she's just sad and in love:(Ā
warnings: angst and heartbreak, comfort, happy ending (eye roll jkjk), reader and gojo not taking care of them selves, self neglect for sure, cursing, mentions of throw up and alcohol, um um, reader and gojo basically just existing and hating life
Part 1 here
Credit to @uzmacchiato for the divider!!
For weeks, the old but familiar cycle repeated. The dreaded feeling that you would never be able to shake off seemed to follow you wherever you went, no matter what path you followed in life, no matter who you met.Ā
You stayed cooped up in your apartment, finding a temporary solace in the four walls. They wouldn't speak, wouldn't judge you for wallowing in your emotions and crying yourself sick.Ā
The ache in your heart never seemed to subside. It was persistent, constantly reminding you of everything you tried so hard to forget.
You so badly wanted to prove to yourself that you were stronger than this, wanted to walk into class the following week with your head held high and pretend that you were just fine- even if it was just pretend.
But you couldn't.Ā
Everything felt so incredibly difficult and brutal. Time taunted you, moving in slow motion yet simultaneously in the blink of an eye, sunrises transitioning into sunsets while you spent your days in bed drained of energy and dreaming of cerulean blue eyes.
Body, mind and soul feeling as if they were weighed down with cinder blocks and you were drowning.
Your heart had been completely shattered, broken into a million fragments and the idea of healing felt akin to finding a needle in a hay sack. Hopeless. Futile. Impossible. A puzzle with too many missing pieces.
Your mind was the worst, the temporary comfort exactly that. No where felt safe, the four walls turning into nothing but a tool to only make you feel more suffocated.Ā
You could go anywhere to escape gojo, but you could never escape yourself.
Never escape the way you replayed the words he spoke to his friends, the way he looked at you, the way he cried, or the way he told you that he was in love with you.
Everytime you shut your eyes, his would find you.
You started skipping your classes after that, started skipping everything actually. Daily little walks to clear your mind, little coffee pick me ups, meals- it all ended. You were a shell of a person now, unable to put back together your own pieces.
No. Gojo had really taken a toll on you, really pushed you past a limit you didn't know existed.
And the worst part of it all was that you were still in love with him, still missed him and the way he'd distract you in class or grab your hand just to drag you somewhere while you playfully put up a fight. The way his stupid blue eyes seemed to light up at you just the way yours did at him. The way he made you feel.
And it was brutal, unnecessarily ruthless the way your mind plagued you when you thought of his lips and the night he kissed you. So cool, yet boyish and slightly clumsy as if gojo too was nervous, as if he truly didn't want to mess it up.
But each time your mind cursed you with a perfect little memory, it was shut down with the images from that night.Ā
You had stumbled home after, purely driven by your grief induced rage, vision blurred from the tears that were constantly filling your eyes and painting your cheeks.Ā
But arriving home to your lonely apartment was no better. Throwing up alone snotty, sweaty, and gross was absolutely horrible- and ignoring the messages and phone calls that bombarded your phone was nearly impossible.Ā
The alcohol settled further into your bones and your drunkenness multiplied but you didn't have the guts to block him just yet- torturing yourself further when you began to listen to the voicemails he left while you desperately clung to the sides of your toilet sobbing and hurling.
You ignored them of course, sloppily brushing your teeth and crawling on top of your sheets, drunkenly throwing off your clothes but not caring to wash the make up off your face or the gravel fully out of your palms.Ā
Then you proceeded to sob so hard you had to throw up again until finally you cried yourself to sleep. And when you woke up with swollen eyes, a scratchy throat and a pounding headache, praying with all your might that it was a nightmare, you realized it wasn't, your sober self having to go through the entire cycle again of processing what had happened, the heart break, the humiliation- everything.Ā
You were slow to block his number, tormenting yourself the few days after that night as you religiously watched his texts flood in, spamming you with apologies and this and that and the ways he would change and loved you and wanted you and it was masochistic and everything you never hoped for and why couldn't you tear your eyes away? Why did knowing what he had done to you make it no less harder to think about him?
Being vulnerable and desperate with a visceral want to be loved angered you far more than he ever could.Ā
And still, you let yourself think of him lovingly and kindly, and there, because god you would be a liar if you said you didn't miss him and everything he was, and the way he smelled and smiled and existed.Ā
And still, losing Satoru felt like the only light in your life had been snuffed out, and you didn't care if it was pathetic because it was so undeniably painful and true and ignoring that fact would be a lie through gritting teeth.Ā
You wanted to hate him. You knew you couldn't.
And amongst your tears of self loathing and hatred, you cursed the way you loved so loudly and deeply. The most twisted thing of it all.
With him blocked, your phone was dead silent. The quiet was loud.Ā
You weren't sure how long you stayed in bed after that. Always exhausted as soon as you woke up feeling void of life that the white haired boy had given you. merely reduced to an organism that could only breathe.
But with timing and the world so happily on your side, you were gifted with finals and exams during your period of heartbreak, the ultimate stake in your heart. Your grades had already plummeted from your lack of attendance and half assed assignments and despite spending the last few weeks wallowing in your self pity instead of studying, you knew the least you could do was at least show up to the final exams- even if he would be there.Ā
Rubbing your eyes with a sniffle, you forced your body to move, willing every deteriorated muscle to act. to put on clothes that weren't pajamas and to try and behave like a normal functioning being.
There was no motivation, but a small determination to take a step out of your apartment for the first time in who knows when.Ā
You'd walk to the library, distract yourself with studying- spend the remainder of the week drowning yourself in work to pass your finals just enough so that you'd still pass all your classes and when that was over, youād let yourself suffocate in the thought of him all over again, but for now- you had to do this.
Throwing on a hoodie that was not his- why would he have given you so many t-shirts and hoodies if you were just a bet, was he just expecting to ask for them back after he pranked you?- you begrudgingly readied yourself to the bare minimum, yanking the door open to begin your dreaded walk.
Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, your eyes landed on a handful of envelopes that laid on your doormat- slightly dirtied and weathered and you wondered just how long they'd been sitting there.
You shakily exhaled, nerves bubbling in your throat as trembling fingers picked up a total of at least five envelopes, all bare save for your name simply written in the middle of each, all in different handwriting. You looked around, retreating back into your apartment to hastily rip them open, curiosity getting the better of you as you were unsure of what person (multiple people?) you knew who were writing you letters and leaving them at your door step.
You pulled out the first letter, concentration written on your face as you scanned it over, not reading the content yet but just staring in pure confusion and then-Ā
Your jaw felt slightly slack, eyes widening. You opened the next, and the next and the next, words unread but eyes falling on all the separate letters from Gojo and his friends and frat brothers. All written lengthy apologies from Gojo, Geto, Sukuna, Fushiguro, a couple other names you didn't know but must have been involved with the bet.
Your fingers clutched the papers, catching certain paragraphs and biting your lip to once again hold tears back.
-didn't even know who you were and we did that to you. Guess thats why we felt like we could do it, as fucked up as that sounds. Gojoās making us all write these apology letters to you and I hate saying sorry, but I am- we are all sorry. Weāre just a bunch of assholes who thought it would be fun to fuck around with him and I guess you too, so yeah. Im sorry for being a part of it and hurting you, even if ive never talked to you. And wow that sounds really bad. Also, Gojo was telling the truth even though he lied at the party, another brother really did grab your gifts from him to throw it away, but tbh those cookies looked really good so I was gonna grab the container after anyways but asshole gojo got to it first. What type of cookies were those? Do you think-
You rolled your eyes automatically, hurriedly glancing away from sukunaās letter to skim fushiguros.
-frat pres is so fucking annoying and gojos up there too. Sorry for hurting your feelings, we really did just want to fuck around and did think it was funny but damn I actually feel bad. So I'm sorry for that. It wasn't as funny as we thought. Think you could forgive his annoying ass and make some more cookies? Fucker grabbed the container before-
Then getoās.
-Y/n I'm sorry that I was kind to your face and then let this happen behind your back. And not just let it happen but participated. You have always been a very nice girl and we took advantage of who you were for a laugh, and I swear to you that no one is laughing. You didn't deserve any of that and we don't deserve any of your kindness or forgiveness. I know I have no right to say, but Ive never seen Satoru like this and ive known him for years. I promise you that the bet was not his idea, that he shouldn't have gone along with it of course but none of us were thinking, we didn't know that you would be you-
You angrily huffed, tossing the letters onto your counter and refusing to read the rest of them and certainly not Gojos. Why did it matter if it wasn't his idea? Okay so what if he didn't throw your things out and was planning on getting them after, he still- you slammed your eyes shut, throat beginning to burn as tears welled up in your eyes.
He still did it, still said all that shit in front of everybody. Still lied to your face even when he was supposedly in love with you.
āFuck you gojo,ā you whispered to yourself, annoyingly wiping away the wetness in your eyes with the back of your palm. His letter remained unopened on the counter practically begging for you to read it and like every action did now, it took everything in you to leave it and walk out the doorĀ
The trek to the library was uneventful, slow and quiet as you pushed forward with anger in your veins. Your face was concealed by your overly large hood and headphones, staring at the cracks in the sidewalk.
āY/n.ā
You froze on instinct, ice shooting through your veins as your body betrayed you, the entrance of the library laid just up ahead taunting and laughing.
Prickles of heat stabbed alongside your neck and the saliva in your mouth grew sticky and gelatinous, hard to swallow as you attempted to focus on breathing in through your nose, out through your mouth.Ā
āy/n,ā the familiar tone that you had once loved, spoke the syllables of your name so softly, so light you hoped you had imagined it. So much emotion laced through and over and around the word that you never wanted to hear it again.
But that would be too easy on you, a too great display of mercy casted onto you by the universe.
You braced yourself, slowly turning and unintentionally, your mouth gaped, gaze landing on a very disheveled sick looking gojo who looked every bit like a heartbroken boy. You clearly weren't the only one skipping meals.
The words landed in an instant without thought, claws out, nails sharp.
Ā āLeave me alone,ā you spat, making your break for the library but his hand caught your wrist in a gentle but firm hold, electricity shooting up your arm and you screamed to yourself to ignore it, that it wasn't what you thought.
āPlease, please y/n, I know i don't deserve it but just give me a minute-ā
āFor what? Think you can get in my pants that quick and win your stupid bet? I don't want anything to do with you.ā The words burned as you spewed the hate and spat venom, so unlike you and it only served to anger you more. You didn't feel any better being mean to him, didn't feel good or victorious watching the features on his pretty and now sunken in face contort into hurt.Ā
Fuck, it only hurt you more. Only made you want to take it back. Teeth tore into your bottom lip, eyes diverting anywhere but at him. But you didn't move. Let him grip you and hold your wrist, and you hated the familiarity and comfort that came with the touch. You were pitiful.
āHow did you even know I'd be here?ā the question flew from your lips before you could properly think about it, eyes focusing on the bob of his throat as he swallowed.
āI.. I didn't. You haven't been in lecture a-and I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable by showing up at y-yours.. Iāve just been,ā Gojo glanced away for a brief second, pale skin flushing a pretty pink. āIāve been waiting outside the library everyday in case⦠in case you'd come.āĀ
Your mouth opened, then shut, unable to find the words to respond to his unexpected statement you only thought could be a bluff. Another lie just to get you to forgive him. āFor what, three weeks?ā
He nodded, hesitant and shy, as if the fact might annoy you, looking anything but like the notorious campus fratboy and instead so childish. āIm so sorry y/n. Please, can we talk? Do you want coffee? I'm so sorry, I miss- I miss you so much, I feel like i c-cant function with out you and I meant it, I'm so in love with you-ā
āGojo.ā You stopped him, fingers curling in on themselves to painfully dig into your palms, to try and ground yourself with anything but what could only be deceitful words.
His voice was breaking, hoarse and gravely as if he'd been crying too, rambling the words out like he knew you were about to leave him and he only had a few seconds to say what he needed to but he couldn't- there wasn't enough time to for him to tell you how sorry he was, not enough hours in this lifetime for him to prove how guilty he felt, or how desperately he begged to take it all back. He was a mess, and anybody could see. He knew it wasnt about him and his feelings, knew and deserved the pain he felt after what he did to you, but fuck he couldn't eat. Couldn't do much more than you.
He kept spamming your number with texts, hoping the green would turn to blue, kept ringing your number. Kept going to lecture in case there was a chance he might see you. But fuck if he didn't look and feel like shit.Ā
āDon't. say. that-ā
āBut it's true y/n, i love you, i cant stop thinking about you, I wish i could take it all back, It wasn't a bet anymore it was real- it was all real,ā Gojo spoke voice shaking and adamant, the first sign of his old spark making a display.
If there was anything he was unyielding about, it was his attempt at making it known to you that his love for you was real. āY-you don't need to love me back thats-thats okay, just know I love you. I love you-ā
āStop saying that!ā You seethed, eyes watering as he kept repeating the phrase that made you feel physically ill, like you might just vomit if he spoke the lie again. It didn't matter. None of it mattered if he loved you and you loved him, it didn't matter anymore. You shook off his grip that you had forgotten was on you, abruptly turning to make your way inside as you kept your head down, praying your tears wouldn't fall just yet.Ā
āDid you get the letters?ā He called out from behind you.Ā
You paused, refusing to turn, grinding your molars, feeling like shit and thinking of a final blow that could hurt him. You wanted him to hurt. You didn't want to hurt him. You wanted him to hurt. You didn't want to hurt him. Who was this person you were becoming?Ā
āFuck your letters. It's basic empathy that you all feel bad. You'll never come close to understanding how I feel,ā and in the reflection of the building's glass windows, you watched the way his shoulders slumped, the way his head dropped to his chest in defeat, ruffled white hair strewn all over the place.
For once, the bright boy looked exceptionally dull, clad in a now too big black hoodie and sweats, radiant blue eyes fizzed out into a soft blue, pale undereyes now decorated with large purple bags.Ā
You bit your tongue wanting nothing more than to tell him you didn't mean it, that you did- but not quite like that. Wanted to run your fingers through his hair and undercut, over his sharp and perfect features and accept his apology, get some food in him and make sure he got a proper night's rest.Ā
Your chin wobbled, lips trembling, mind deceiving you and urging you to just turn back and look at him. There was nothing you wanted more than to give in, every synapse firing telling you to just do it.Ā
you sped forward before your body could betray you once more, beelining it to the women's restroom where you could freely sob, heart breaking all over again as you hurt the boy you loved back. Knowing he deserved it did nothing to soothe you. You loved him too much.
Gojo respected your distance. For the time being at the library.
When you walked out hours later, sun long gone and campus streetlights projecting soft yellow glows as the quiet hum of the outdoors enveloped you, you felt somewhat successful. At least you had tried.Ā
You would have sped walked home, if not for the familiar head of hair that poked out from under a black hood. Gojo, on the bench, outside the library.Ā
You scoffed lightly to yourself, preparing to book it past him before he noticed it was you, but what didn't go unnoticed by him? He was always oddly infuriatingly attentive to everything, which would have been great if.. Well.
āW-wait, y/n! Are you- are you hungry, did you eat? You were in there for hours and-ā
His voice was a catalyst to your anger. You spun to face him, ready to chew him out, patience long gone. Gojo, bothersome and persistent and maddening and beautiful, already walking towards you, already there.Ā
āReally Gojo? Haven't you done enough? Was lying to my face not enough that you have to keep following me around and messing with me? I don't- I don't care okay? I just want you to leave me alone, please. What don't you get? Your game is over, so please, stop doing this, the prize cannot be that good,ā Your edge was sharp and frustrated, emotions bubbling over like a perfectly planned volcanic eruption as the words stumbled out of you.Ā
āYes,ā the words tore from him just as frustrated, just as hopeless, hands running through his white strands in an attempt to ground himself, to gather his thoughts. āYes, the bet- the game whatever- it's all over- been over, and yes,ā he pleaded, hands reaching out towards you but you quickly stepped back avoiding his touch, ignoring the hurt that flashed across his face. āYes, I've done enough- but I can't, I won't stop telling you i love you, please believe me-ā
Rage fizzed up inside of you, bringing your palms up to shove at his chest, just as you had done that night. It was infuriating, it was aggravating, being taunted by something- someone you wanted so bad yet couldn't have, by someone who was so close yet needed to be kept at arms length.
āUgh! You don't love me Gojo!ā You spoke over him, ignoring the persistent nod of his head as the words I do Im so in love you I do tumbled from his clearly overbitten red lips. āYou don't- don't do what you did to someone you like, let alone love!ā your voice broke, staring at him incredulously. āI liked you so much. Don't you get that?ā The end of the sentence wasn't hastily spewed anymore, it was slow but urgent, a plea for him to understand the severity at which he hurt you.
āY-you guys purposefully picked me, because- because you knew that i was a loner and had no friends o-or whatever, and still, you dragged me along, made me- made me fall in lo-ā a choked noise cut you off and you whipped your head to the side to break eye contact, not wanting him to see the pain you were in, not wanting to be weak before him. It felt like a humiliation ritual all over again.Ā
You inhaled a deep breath, swallowing to ease the tightness of your throat, to blink back the wetness in your eyes. āEach day you saw me, you went back to your friends and knew what you were doing, while the entire time, I thought- I thought I was just lucky, that finally- maybe I deserved something good, t-that maybe I did deserve someone as good as you.ā
Gojo stayed silent absorbing your words, street lights reflecting in the glossiness of his eyes. His chest rose and fell rapidly, jaw muscle twitching every second. For once, he didn't interrupt you, just listened to the damage he knew he had done.Ā
āAnd then I was so excited to see you- I didn't care if it was a party or if your friends were there I just- I just wanted to see you,ā you sighed, briefly shutting your eyes to work up the courage to say what made you feel so sick, so unwanted. āAnd then there you were in front of everybody, b-because, again, you're someone! Everyone wants to be near you! And you just-ā your breath hitched as you relived the scene, could physically feel your heart plummet all over again and the shudder that racked through your body as you pictured him standing there.Ā
Your shoulders dropped as you loudly exhaled, unable to say the words aloud that replayed in your head and kept you up at night. āEverybody wants to be around you, or talk to you, o-or be friends with you Gojo. You don't know what it's like to have never had that, and then to hear the guy you lo- the guy you like- speak soā¦ā you groaned, hands momentarily covering your eyes and throwing your head back in embarrassment. āLike I'm just- just this thing, like I don't have actual feelings, I just,ā you paused before finally meeting his eyes again, all wide and starry, glassy and beautiful with tears. āI just can't get it out of my head.ā
Silence hung around the both of you as the two of you stood mere feet away, imperfect yet perfect reflections of the other. Both completely hurt and devastated, both torn and beaten down for the same reasons yet not at all. It would be easy to forgive and forget, so easy. Especially when he stood with all his glory looking so unwell and defeated but of course, so frustratingly perfect even at the worst times. Even when he was wrong and felt so right..
Your tongue ran along the back of your teeth, poking the inside of your cheek as you waited, unsure for what.Ā
āI am so sorry, y/n,ā he whispered, a tear breaking tension and dropping down his cheek.Ā
You sniffled, nodded, staring.
āI know,ā you whispered, and walked by him, stifling the sobs that threatened to burst out of you
When you woke the next morning, you were once again faced with the fact that you would not be spared from the clutches of gojo who was seemingly intent on making it very clear that getting over him would be the most difficult task. ever.Ā
There were dozens of flowers outside your door, a sign of gojo's unfortunate persistence and dedication. You cursed him, convincing yourself that you were bringing them inside for just a moment before you'd shove them in the trash.Ā
But they were spider lilys, your favorite and so hard to find.Ā
You racked your brain for how he knew, chalking it up to a lucky guess. but then your memory, ever so cruel, reminded you. Flashed you the thought of how you had once told him in an off handed random conversation months agoā¦Ā
and he had just⦠remembered?Ā
You rolled your eyes, willing the thought away, willing him out of your head and somewhere far far away, but your hands were already moving, already filling a vase- several vases with water. He didn't have to know you kept them. They were just flowers. Just your favorites.Ā
It didn't mean anything, and it certainly didn't mean you were any closer to forgiving him.Ā
Gojo didn't show at the library for the remainder of the week. Not that you noticed. Not that you cared.Ā
More goodies had mysteriously shown up on your doorstep, ranging from coffee with the words āI love you,ā written in sharpie on the plastic or breakfast from your favorite diner (more apologies written on the bag that you refused to read) to the matcha dragon jellycat with a pink bow on the head, that you had absolutely no idea how he knew you'd been wanting- or how he was able to get his hands on it considering it'd been sold out for months.Ā
You kept it of course, not wanting to punish the stuffed animal for his actions, but your forgiveness would not be bought. You were surprised he at least had the composure and maturity to not bang on your door.
It was the last night before finals, and it was just your luck that it was pouring furiously as you stepped out of the library at two in the morning. You worriedly stood under the awning in almost pitch black darkness, the campus streetlights doing little to nothing to illuminate what would be a horrible walk back as you watched every single tree bend over backwards from the sheer amount of wind force.
You groaned, nervously chewing on your thumb nail as you racked your brain on what you could possibly do, so past exhausted and wanting nothing more than to call it quits and climb into your bed.Ā
āHey.ā
You gasped, eyebrows shooting up your forehead and whipping around to see what potential threat might be facing you, surprisingly visibly relaxing when your eyes landed on none other than gojo. Of course.
A hand raised to clutch the fabric over your heart, exhaling in relief when you realized you weren't about to get kidnapped.
āHoly shit you scared me,ā you breathed, moreso to yourself than him, fear catching you off guard for a moment that you didn't immediately curse at him. You didn't say more, letting the thunder and pitter patter of the rain fill the heavy silence, didn't ask what he was doing there.
Gojo stood awkward, almost out of place. Hand in his pocket and other lightly gripping around the handle of an umbrella that went clearly unused by him. Damp strands of snow white hair stuck to his forehead and wet clothes clung to his body. He looked so pretty just standing under the awnings flickering lights, eyes somewhat unfocused but glued on you, and you had to force yourself to look away, could practically feel the blush creeping up your neck at how pretty he looked.Ā
It seemed as if your body would continue to betray you.
āCan I take you home?ā He asked softly, cerulean eyes filled with a glimmer of hope shining at you.
āNope. It's fine, I can wait. I'm sure it'll be done soon.ā blunt and final. Gojo's heart raced at the lack of venom as if it was a sign. Sure you were uninterested, but you didn't immediately tell him to leave you alone. It meant absolutely nothing, yet to him it meant everything- meant light at the end of a tunnel, a stray getting a taste of food after having been starved. His heart raced in his chest, words catching in his throat. He could play it cool, not beg, not repeat himself over and over again like he'd been doing, just try to do enough yet not too much to just get you with him for a few minutes one more time.
āIt's after 2 y/n, we've got our final tomorrow and it's pouring. I know you're tired, just let me take you home. Please.ā
You rolled your eyes to yourself, exhaling and contemplating his words in your head, cursing every upper power for their unwillingness to toss you a bone.Ā
Do you suffer for the ten minute car ride and get home and go to sleep, or wait here for lord knows how long to just sprint home, maybe get caught in the rain anyways with all your papers and laptop in your bag in the pitch black- you groaned quietly. It was a no brainer.
āThis means nothing. I'm serious, Gojo.ā
The smallest of smiles creeped on his features, the corner of his lips turning up ever so slightly, and along with one of the prettiest grins you've ever seen came the embarrassingly increasing pounding of your broken heart. You regretted it as soon as he stepped closer, hating the way he made you fluster even after shattering your heart.
āCome on, I'm parked this way,ā and right away his free hand reached for the strap of your bag, tugging it down your arm and slinging it over his shoulder, opening the umbrella and positioning it directly over your head before guiding you out into the rain. You opened your mouth in protest, but he was too fast, ultimately deciding to just keep your mouth shut to get it all over with.Ā
The two of you sped walked in the rain, dodging puddles to the best of your abilities and your heart ached painfully at what could have been. The moment was mocking, undeniably sweet.Ā
An unintentional squeal shot out of your mouth when a particular violent gush of wind suddenly sent the umbrella inside out, both of you getting momentarily soaked- or well, mainly just you. Gojo didn't fit under, choosing to just hold it over you and was already looking like he had jumped in a pool.
You couldn't hold back the bubble of laughter that rolled out of you watching gojo curse and spew apologies at you getting wet as he frantically tried to fix the umbrella. His curses turned into chuckles and as soon as it was fixed, the laughter died down into awkward silence, your cheeks burning and a new wave of sadness crashing as the two of you walked side by side. You knew this was a bad idea.
He opened the passenger side of his far too fancy car, a small murmured āthank you,ā reluctantly falling past your lips as you watched him run to his side, blasting the heater once situated. For a beat, you both said nothing, sitting in the idling car while a tsunami stormed around you.
He cleared his throat. āAre you warm enough?ā
āYes.ā
āGood, good, that's good.ā He spoke too fast, sounded too eager. The car stayed parked, Gojo flexing his fingers in his lap, adams apple bobbing as he nervously swallowed. Fuck was he neverous? He didn't want to fuck this up- okay well he was already so past that, he didn't want to fuck things up more, which surely by now would just be impossible. He's just missed you so, so much, still pathetically texting your number everyday incase he wasnt blocked anymore, racking his brain for any other way to show you he's sorry and means it, that he-
āGojo.ā
āYes?ā He's immediately swiveling his head towards you, thoughts interrupted, eyes wide and mouth gaped at what you might say. The yes sounds more like a plea than anything, a beg for you to talk. You spoke to him and it didn't sound like you were going to curse him, what is it what is it what is it??
āTake me home.ā
His shoulders deflated, embarrassment creeping up his neck and hope now a mere fleeting thought. What was he thinking?
āRight! Um- yes sorry, of course, my bad,ā He mentally cursed at how awkward he was acting and fuck if it didn't sting, but it was everything and more that he deserved.
No music, no talking, just the white noise of the rain and occasional clap of thunder, mixed in with the heat blasting from the vents. He parked outside your apartment building, mustering the courage to try and speak before you could escape. He had ten minutes to think, to scrounge up anything and suddenly his mind was entirely blank except for just you. Just you looking far too pretty exhausted and wet at two am, sitting in his car, right in front of him. Was this real? Was he imagining you?
You spoke first, already unbuckling your seatbelt, eyes staring straight through the windshield. āNo more flowers. No more gifts. No more anything. This-ā you motioned between yourself and gojo. āWhatever this is- was- no more. Done. Thank you for driving me home, but no more.ā
The words burned as you forced them out, every thought in your mind telling you nononono.Ā
āT-theyre from uh, they're not just from me, from the guys too, I'm telling you y/n, Iām sorry- we are all really sorry,ā Gojo whispered, entire body turned towards you in case he'd be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of your eyes. You were so close, yet so far away, and he had no one to blame but himself.Ā
āI don't care who they're from, that's-thats not the point, okay?ā Your voice raised, tone laced with frustration and annoyance. How could you possibly get over him if he was just so damn persistent? Why did he have to try so fucking hard? āJust leave me alone-ā
āI cant y/n, I cant. I- I tried, I've tried to respect your words and give you distance but I can't okay?ā He knew he was being pathetic, but he just didn't have it in him to care anymore.
āI physically fucking hurt, and I know, It will never compare to how you feel- to what I did to you but fuck-āĀ his features were contorted into a pained look that you had never seen before, never wanted to see in the first place.Ā
You faced him, regret taking hold of every action and thought as you could practically feel the want to give in increase more and more. The look of distraught, the anguish, everything that should have never touched him completely coated him and you had to dig your fingers into your pants to keep from reaching out. You internally begged for him to stop, to just stop fucking speaking, to stop making you think and think and think. But when has Gojo ever stopped??Ā
āI can't stop thinking about you, you're my first thought in the morning and last thought at n-night- I.. I cant function without you and I miss you so so much, just please- please you're all I think about and I mean it when i say it was real, it was all real- Fuck, it never and i mean it never felt like a joke or some bet, I knew I was fucked as soon as I started talking to you- I liked you and and I fucking love you- like theres, theres this physical constricting in my chest when I think about you, when I think about how much I love you and- and,ā Gojos head dropped to his chest, voice cracking and fingers curling into the fabric near his chest as if he was experiencing that ache, spewing the words so hastily he could only pray he was making sense.
He inhaled a deep breath, some lousy attempt at collecting his thoughts, raising his head to find your eyes on him, wide and glossy, nostrils flaring from the intensity of your breathing.Ā
You were so beyond overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, what to say, if you should zone him out or listen, but it hurt and it hurt so much that you knew no amount of lying to yourself or to him would numb the agonizing ache in your chest.
āYou don't have to love me. You don't have to forgive me, but please, just let me try. Ill spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but fuck Y/N, i have never felt this before. W-When I look at you- m-my brain just does this, this weird numbing thing like its just a buzz, l-like i cant think at all, I just- i just see you and,ā he frustratingly ran his fingers through his wet strands, fingers pulling and tugging on the edge as anxiety and exasperation coursed through him.
āFuck im just so in love with you,ā his voice broke, pitch uneven and scratchy.
A tear streaked down his pale skin, and you sharply inhaled to hide your own. You could try to be strong, try to deny what you felt for him and pretend like you didn't need him, but you weren't exempt from the ache in your heart at his admission, couldn't just let his words roll off you like they didn't mean anything, when they meant everything, couldn't ignore the way he loved you when you loved him.
The entire situation was so fucked, such a dumb fucking cliche.
āI-I know my letter wasn't enough, that an explanation or guilt won't fix anything, that gifts don't mean anythingā you stayed silent, didn't tell him you hadn't actually read his letter yet, that you couldn't. ābut-but I just- I just need you- need to try to fix what I fucked up. You're so, so perfect,ā he whispered the last sentence to himself, gaze dropping.
He was the one who did all of this, but you wouldn't be the only one to suffer.
You shakily breathed, praying your voice didn't come out as broken and fragile as you were, that he wouldn't be able to see your tell. So many things you wanted to say, wanted to ask. You couldn't open that door, desperately wishing you could find closure in disclosure.
āThanks for the ride, gojo.ā a faint whisper, the only response you gifted him. You slammed open the door, grabbing your bag and running out into the rain towards your apartment building, thankful that it was so loud it hid your cries and wails. You didn't turn around, knowing you'd only go back at the sight of him falling apart, knowing the exact feeling of something that was so in reach completely and helplessly fall through your hands. It was torturous watching what used to be your ray of sunshine completely lose its spark and turn into something so hurt and defeated. Two sides of the same coin. What perfect reflections of each other.Ā
The class was quiet when you arrived bright and early the next morning, murmurs and whispers of questions floating around students silently panicking as they anticipated the material on the exam. Sleep was futile, mind filled with endless thoughts of gojo, and when you finally drifted off into the lull between consciousness and sleep, your dreams taunted you of him. Showed you small glimpses of a hand held in yours, messy white hair splayed on your lap, a pretty smile that made your mind go dumb. You didn't need to see his face to know it was him.
When you woke, eyes wet and sadness heavy in your chest, you couldn't have cared less about your exam, only wanting it to be over so you could resume rotting in your heartbreak.Ā
But of course, Gojo being Gojo through and through, you found a coffee placed at your usual spot in lecture, āgood luck, you're going to ace this!ā and a heart once again written sloppily in his handwriting. Huffing, you discreetly scanned the room, finding his ruffled locks on the opposite side alone, looking equally as shitty and unwell. You rolled your eyes to yourself, blocking him out and eager to get the exam over with.
You half expected Gojo to storm after you once the exam was over, dismissing the small part of you that almost wished he had. No you didn't.
Slamming open your apartment door and throwing off your bag, the action happened before you could even second guess, fingers whipping out your phone to quickly unblock his contact telling yourself it was just to look, just to get a small peak.
You'll just block it after again, just one quick look wouldn't hurt right?
Your jaw dropped, hundreds of texts flooding your phone as you watched every single one pop up one after another after another- approximately over four weeks worth and Jesus, he was really not lying when he told you still texted your number, still spammed it.Ā
Texts from that night, good morning texts, āi love youās,ā āim sorryās,ā a photo of your digimon keychain on his back pack and then of a digimon shirt and poster in his room with the caption āI love digimon so much I love your keychainā, your sticky note on his wall mirror, a photo of the empty cookies āso fucking good, let the guys have only one except for the fuck face that tossed emā, a photo of the exact frat member that tossed them with evident bruising on his face, āI didn't do it fushiguro and kuna did swear- they loved the cookies btwā, photos of flowers that reminded him of you, just more and more texts spilling his guts, telling you he loved you.
Holy shit.Ā
You gritted your teeth. You should have never unblocked him, mind filled with so many thoughts and nothing at once you weren't sure if you were processing anything. You definitely weren't breathing.
Fuck it.
Phone carelessly tossed somewhere, you moved to tear open his letter, harshly biting your lip in anticipation, eyes widening at the multiple pages he had written and two smaller pieces of rectangular paper falling out that you paid no mind to yet.Ā
You scanned the letter first, eyes rapidly going through each line only managing to digest certain sentences.
-so embarrassingly insecure that i never had any real friends, people that only used me for my family's status or wealth or just to get something out of me ever since i was kid. I didn't think anybody would actually want anything to do with me unless i had something to give-
-got to college and it was the same. Felt like no liked me for me. Always felt like i was left out of a joke or just didn't understand, thought i was weird and just had really bad social cues or something like that. Joined the frat for some brotherly āloveā and it only got worse from there. I hated it, but i had something along the lines of friends for once and i had never had that before and wow this is really embarrassing-
-they were all assholes and at first i was just playing along. It was fun to feel like I fit in. it was never anything bad, never hurt anyone until you, never made any sorts of bets about anything, i swear. I'm only mentioning this because I know you'd never want anyone to go through this. You're so selfless, so kind-
-frat president came up with the idea of the bet and i gave in and i don't say that placing the blame on him or on anyone else. It's 100% all my fault and I never should have accepted it. When he brought it up, almost the entire frat was in the room and they all looked at me like if i didn't agree id be the loser i used to be. There's nothing I wouldn't give to take this back. To be looked at like a loser or nobody again if it meant I could have you back. I didn't think, didn't know who you were yet, which is not an excuse at all. It just made it easier to say yes when i didn't know-
-kuna and fushiguro didn't give a fuck. Are they assholes? Absolutely. But at least they are to everybody. Geto was against it all but we didn't care enough clearly to stop, we just kept playing along with the pres just because we could. Just because he could. Honestly don't even know what the prize was, I just accepted it that day. I didn't think about it.-
-he wanted to see if i could get you in bed with me, being the campus fuckboy and all. I know there's no reason for you to believe me at all, no reason to take my word for it. But I never would have gone that far. You think I'm lying and you have every right to, but I never. Never would have done that to you. Im a disgusting idiot, but not that evil-
-started to like you. Started to fall in love with you. Frat president was weirdly on our asses about it (yeah weird, fushiguros, kuna, and geto too?? Me i get, but i think he knew i was insecure and wanted to fit in, knew i had actually started to get along with those few guys and wanted to fuck me over even more having us all wrapped up in it, and dumbly enough i played along- we all did) and everytime i looked a little too happy or giddy or genuine after being with you heād remind me of the bet. Remind me it wasn't real. I know, I am the biggest pussy ever. What kind of guy takes shit from someone like that? Who even cares?-
-dates were real. You were real. To me. I could nerd out with you and you'd laugh, join in with me even on the dumb things I liked that you didn't know existed. Just listen to me and watch me like I deserved your attention, like I deserved you and how good you were. And then I'd go back to the house and I was furious. Too pussy to officially end the bet to his face but knew I'd only keep going back to you. I never would've stopped once it was technically over because you werent some fuck ass bet to me, you were everything. I'd be so mad and accidentally end up taking itĀ out on you, being rude and indifferent so that maybe you would get fed up with me and end whatever we had going on. That you realized I was never worth your time or good enough for you, but you never did. You kept looking at me like I meant something, kept giving me more chances than I ever deserved. And I took advantage of all of it. I wanted you so bad.-
-realized i turned into one of those assholes i always hated. Had no one to humble or put me in my place anymore and I hated what I saw in the mirror. Used to shit on people like me then i turned into one of the most vile people ever-
-but fuck i couldn't stay away from you. Told myself I'd end things with you just so that in some twisted way I could protect you from me, from the people I hung around. Anything but actually change huh?-
-they felt pretty shitty too so made them all write apology letters to you. I promised I wouldn't read them so if they're ass then I am really sorry about that. Told them to use their big boy brains and that maybe I'd let them try one of your cookies. I really did get them back-
-worst thing I've ever done in my life. Watching you look at me like that in the hall way gutted me and i stood there like some fucking cocky asshole but all i could think about was how were too good for me. Too kind, too genuine. Literally the personification of sunshine. I felt sick, thought it i was cold enough you might tell me to fuck off but you didn't. You never did and i hate myself-
-a brother threw them in the trash when i got back from class, i swear, all the guys saw, i swear. Said i was looking a little too happy, a little too old to be excited over the coolest fucking digimon keychain ive ever seen in my life. I was gonna grab them as soon as he left but then prep for the party started and this and that and i was gonna wait until after the party. I didn't care if there was junk all over it, I was gonna grab the keychain and the cookies (still in the container okay so it was fine, I'm not that gross and they looked amazing) and end the bet with him.-
-didn't even realize how much time had gone by. Every moment was so real and genuine with you all i wanted was you-
-that fucking night. I invited you of course I did and naturally, was shitting bricks. Prettiest girl I'd ever laid my eyes on was coming to our party and I was so excited. Didn't think of the bet, just wanted you there, wanted to see you. Frat pres kept handing me drinks, passing me blunts, and i didn't say no. just kept drinking and smoking and was so fucked up. Got in front of them and he started riling me up, started shit talking the gifts you got me and how funny the idea was. Everybody looked at me and like the desperate loser I am, started spewing shit, started spewing hate. Just wanted to make everybody laugh just to feel fucking better about myself for a split second. Just to feel like i fit right in with them-
-saw you. Saw how beautiful and out of this world you looked even while you cried. I am a coward. I'm pathetic. I knew i was fucking it up, but the moment i saw you. Fuck. I would do anything to take it back. To tell him to fuck off that i didn't care. To be a man and tell him i loved you, fuck his bet or whatever. That all of this was real. I know it doesn't matter. I know I deserve to feel this when I know it's nothing in comparison to what I did to you. I know i will never understand-
-want nothing to do with me. I completely get it. I'm not saying this so you take pity on me, believe me, but I know how cowardly I am. Know how I'm anything but a man. That i did something disgusting and horrible to the girl I love, the girl I was falling in love with. I hate that this is what it took for me to snap out of it. Came in after you left and absolutely trashed the place, kicked everyone out (may or may not be getting kicked out the frat next sem but i don't care), grabbed your gifts from the trash. Made the guys write those letters a couple days later after I went off on my friends (they went off on me too, don't you worry), and then the pres stilllll had some shit to say. Guys felt so bad they uh gave him some love taps-
-don't expect you to ever forgive me. Don't expect you to ever fall in love with me back. Just need you to know how perfect you are. How your kindness kept me going on the darkest of days, how you were literally a breath of fresh air that made me think that maybe things would be okay. You never hesitated to be there and every morning I woke up happy knowing I'd get to see you. I will be sorry for the rest of my life. Every day I wish I could take it back. None of it was worth it. I only want you. I only love you-
-had the best thing that's ever happened to me right in front of me. It felt like I had it all when I was with you. The prettiest girl I'd ever seen with a heart of gold liked me. Didn't want anything from me. And in return I betrayed your trust. Lied to your face. Not only royally fucked myself over but ruined the best part of me. Hate that i will be the reason for all your insecurities-
-mentioned the aquarium night event that had been sold out for a few months that you said would be a dream to go to. I got you two tickets (not for me don't worry) for the end of the month once finals are over since you said you'd be here over winter break. When you go, if, check out the biggest tank in the back with the whale shark. I know you'll look beautiful. Are beautiful. I love you.
The letter was tightly clutched in between your fingers, knuckles white from the grip, tear drops splattered over the sloppy pencil marks, smudges all over from where gojo had continuously erased and rewritten, erased and rewritten. tiny hiccups fell from your mouth.
You hated him you hated him you hated him.
You loved him you loved him you loved him.
Your breath hitched, momentarily discarding the letter to inspect the two fallen tickets. A special one night event gala with inclusive drinks and food, behind the scenes tour where guests could even pet certain animals. Not only had the tickets been sold out for months, but they were way beyond out of your budget.Ā
With trembling lips and shaky hands, you sobbed.Ā
Gojo quite literally spat out his drink when three days later a notification popped up. From you. In the midst of scrambling to properly hold his phone, he somehow managed to fling it, frantically tripping over his own feet, knocking over his drink and sending his desk chair tumbling.
Hi. Can we talk
He wasn't blocked anymore?? You texted him? You wanted to talk??
He tried to focus, tried to think of a response that wasn't so desperate or needy. He failed to do both.
Hi yes of course. im free now. Or whenever you are free of course, just let me know!
Your bubble popped up, his heart spasmed in his chest, breath heavy as he awaited your response.Ā
It went away and his shoulders dropped. Then it popped up and he sat up. Gone.
He groaned, tossing the device and covering his face with his palms. He fucked up again.
An hour later, there was a knock on the door down stairs, then voices mingling. Then-
āGojo! Your girl is here!ā It was Kunaās voice.
gojo furrowed his eyebrows. His.. girl?
He stumbled up, sprinting down the stairs so fast he jumped down the last four, heart lodged in his throat as he eagerly popped up next to sukuna, eyes widening once they landed on you.
You.
In all your glory clad and comfy and so fucking cute in a swetashirt that was far too big - fuck was that his?- hair slightly messy but purposeful, lip caught in between your teeth. He froze, jaw dropped, eyes stuck on you like he'd never seen a woman in his life. Like a Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time. His breath caught.
āHi,ā you spoke softly, cheeks warm and fingers fiddling with the hem of your- his hoodie.
He rubbed his eyes, unsure if he was dreaming or not. He thought of you so much that the idea that he was hallucinating you at this point was very plausible, that maybe you were a figment of his imagination-
Sukuna elbowed him, a grunt leaving gojos lips, murmuring āweirdoā before turning away.Ā
āH-Hi,ā his voice cracked, clearing his throat before trying again. āI mean, Hey.ā
You rolled your eyes, playfully. Playfully.Ā
She rolled her eyes at me playfully this time. She just-- she-
His mind was short circuiting.Ā
āThis Friday is the aquarium night event. Pick me up at 8.ā
And just like that you turned on your heel. Didn't wait for a response, an emotion, nothing. But he understood perfectly fine. This was his last shot.
He spun on his feet, unsure of whether or not he should run after you or if he just made you up. He yelled out to sukuna who only smirked.
āWas she real??ā
Those three days passed agonizingly slowly, yet all too fast. Gojo anxiously stood outside your door, palms sweaty and hands tugging at the neck of his collar to breathe. The biggest bouquet of flowers at the store clutched in his grip with an unintentional deadly vice, his best tux ironed to obsessive perfection (admittedly the first time he's ever ironed, he didn't even own one, asking every guy in the frat until one of his brothers mom offered to lend him one).
He spoke out loud quietly to himself, hand hovering over the door in a closed fist working up the courage to knock. āYou got this, don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up even more, don't-ā
Right under his fist the door swung open, both yours and gojos eyes widening equally in surprise. His cheeks flushed, opening his mouth to speak but the words died down in his throat as his eyes scanned you over. Like a moth to a flame he couldn't stop looking, eyes leaving a wake of goosebumps on your flesh everywhere they traced. Your cheeks burned.
He wasnt breathing, wasnt blinking, wasnt thinking- mind doing that brrrr numbing noise when he would see you but fuck.
You were stunning. The prettiest fucking thing that had ever blessed his eyes. Standing before him, just as shy, just as taken aback. The floor length gown you opted a blessing and a curse, hugging you so perfectly that gojo concluded that it quite literally had to be made for you. You were taller in your heels, hair done perfectly, makeup gracing your features and only accentuating your natural beauty. Oh he was so royally, completely, entirely, fucked.
He was embarrassingly nervous to be standing before you, to stand by your side when you looked like that. Fuck you were so out of his league.
You cleared your throat and for the first time, he blinked, shaking his head to clear his thoughts- or more so lack of.
āYou look⦠you look stunning,ā he finally spoke, watching as your gaze dropped to the floor, the tiniest of smiles making his heart thump.
āThank you. You look very nice too.ā
He beamed, exhaling, reminding himself to breathe. He must've died. Must've died and he was at the gates of heaven and fuck he didn't care if he was about to get turned away, at least he got to see you standing right in front of him and hed be damned if he didn't treat it like the best gift he had ever gotten.
He snapped back into reality, far too enthusiastically thrusting out his arm holding the flowers.
āI-I got you flowers.ā say something else you idiot. āThe, the prettiest ones in the store f-for the prettiest girl.ā oh my god not that.Ā
Gojo wanted to cringe, physically recoil at how fucking dumb he sounded.
You let out a small breathy laugh- he missed that sound so much- gently taking them from his grasp to put them in another vase, not paying attention to the way your fingers accidentally brushed against his, sending a jolt of electricity up his arms and through his body like a machine getting a much needed reboot. He was pathetic, so so pathetic and it was his greatest honor.
You came back, the pink red blush softly painted on your cheeks made him want to bite his fist and he wasnt sure if it was cuteness aggression or the fact you just looked so fucking edible.
āReady.ā
The two of you slowly strolled through the aquarium, arm laced through his while you admired the animals and he admired you. It was laughable how obvious he was, eyes unable to stray. Hundreds of couples flowed and ebbed around you, an overwhelming amount of waiters offering food and more food and champagne every thirty seconds. The tension was painful, you and gojo downing two flutes each as soon as entering the event.Ā
Small talk at first was difficult, Gojo rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment when he asked if he mentioned how beautiful you looked for the umpteenth time that night. You smiled, blushed, but the tiny inklings of doubt and fear circulated in your head, questioning if he really meant it this time.
You both lingered around tanks, drinking more and more flutes of champagne, becoming more and more relaxed as the night continued. Jokes started flowing easier, hearts forming in gojos eyes when you threw your head back to laugh when he accidentally knocked over an entire serving platter from a waiter's hand.Ā
This was the iconic fratboy?? Making a fool of himself?
He would've cringed, scowled at himself if it weren't for the way you looked, finally allowing your guard to loosen and the champagne to take hold, poking fun at him and asking if this was his first time out in public. He stupidly grinned, teeth and all, cheeks burning pink.
The night only got better from there. Gojo gleamed as a worker introduced you to penguins, whipping out his phone to take photos of you smiling and laughing. Then you were petting a sting ray- a photo of you quietly squeaking when you touched the slimy creature. Later on a photo of you gasping as you pet a dolphin, stars in your eyes and amazement unmasked. You with a sea otter āawwing,ā you backing away from gators, you pointing at the big bellied sea lions, you-
āThank you Gojo. For the tickets, I- I really don't know how you got them, and the price, I don't know what to say.āĀ
The tank was cold beneath your touch, finger feathers lightly tracing the glass that housed colorful jelly fish. The room was dark, save for the glow of the bright sea creatures that reflected in your eyes. You couldn't look away from them. Gojo couldn't look away from you.
The response was immediate, without a doubt. āDon't say thank you. I-..ā he swallowed. He didn't know what else to say, knowing sorry would never be enough.
āSukuna said he was sorry when I went by. Said what he did was pussy shit. When I agreed and said I didn't forgive him, he smirked and said good.ā You stayed facing the tank, voice tight and blunt, but not unkind. Purely factual.
Gojo slumped, hands shoving into his pockets, preparing himself for you to end everything for once and for all. His saliva was thick, relaxed state leaving him and anxiousness creeping in. He stupidly hoped for something more, knowing he didn't deserve it from the start. But knowing never made handling the truth any easier.
Silence hung heavy in the air.Ā
Gojo cleared his throat, quiet and nervous. He chewed on his bottom lip, fingers playing with a loose thread in his pocket. āI know you're sick of me saying it. But i am so sorry y/n. I wish I could take it back, but I know I can't." He itched for another glass of champagne. āIm just,ā gojo huffed an airy laugh that was more so a sigh of disbelief. āJust so thankful, that you- that you let me come with you tonight. A-and see you.ā
A faint hum was your only response.
āC-can i show you something?ā he whispered.
You turned, hair framing your face perfectly from where your hands had run through it throughout the night, eyes shiny but bright, and gojo could feel his heart stop, or maybe it was just beating so fast that there was no separation of a beat. āOkay.āĀ
Before he could overthink it and more than ready to accept the sting of rejection, he quickly but hesitantly brought his hand towards yours, lacing his large one in yours. Tears almost welled in his eyes when you didn't pull away. āCome on.ā
āHoly shit,ā the words came out unintentionally, eyes wide in awe and jaw slack once your eyes landed on the aquarium's new massive whale shark as it freely swam inside the gigantic tank, other fishes and creatures accompanying it in its rounds.Ā
Gojos palm was embarrassingly sweaty in yours and he felt unsteady on his legs as if he was standing on unsolid ground. Maybe this was stupid, so stupid and you'd hate it. He was starting to regret it.
A worker near the tank spoke into a mic, excited and grinning big. ā-Our newest edition! Everybody meet y/n the whale shark!āĀ
You gasped in equal joy and shock, a genuine smile appearing on your face for what felt like, no it quite literally was, the first time in over a month. You spoke aloud, maybe to yourself, maybe to gojo.
āHah! That is so funny that they named it that- what are the odds??āĀ
As soon as the words left your mouth, your eyebrows were already furrowing, body already turning to gojo who looked ghastly and sick on his feet, hand rubbing the back of his neck and skin flushed the brightest you'd ever seen it. He had mentioned wanting you to check it out in the letter, wanted to show you now, looked so nervous⦠why would he be so..?
āGojo?āĀ
He didn't look at you, mouth straight and eyes forward. He hummed, but the pitch was too high, too anxious as if he was awaiting some sort of reaction. How would that even work�
āGojoā¦ā His eyes scanned the room, fluttered left and right awkwardly, anywhere but you. Your heart stopped, hairs standing on the back of your neck, of your arms, mouth suddenly dry as if you hadn't been drinking the entire night.
āGojo you didn'tā¦ā and he was facing you suddenly, eyes wild, tugging you closer and grabbing both of your hands to hold in his, thumbs swiping back and forth not to soothe you but an anxious tick to soothe himself.Ā
āFuck, I know it was dumb wasnt it? God- I knew it was stupid, b-but I wasn't thinking, or I was, and I just thought, just thought-ā You cut him off, pieces fully falling into place and jaw dropping in unadulterated shock.
āYou named a whale shark after me???ā
He let go of your hands to pace, fingers curling into tight fists. āFuck I know, why would I do that? I thought maybe a star named after you would be cool? But-but I just- you know, y-you love the aquarium and I had been researching and saw they were rescuing a whale shark that didn't have a name yet- so i emailed and called and came in and donated, and- and, okay basically maybe begged, but hey, at least I get a plaque now right? Well you get a plaque, I put the donation in your name-ā
Your jaw was on the floor, watching the most nonchalant notorious cool fratboy who was known for just that be anything but, frantically pace and throw his hands all over the place as he rambled on and on and on about how he named an entire whale shark after you.
You blinked hard, again and again, wondering when you'd wake up, wondering when gojo would snap his fingers in front of your face and tell you you were just day dreaming. You couldn't believe what you were hearing.
āYou named a whale shark after meā¦ā
At once he stopped, turning to you completely exasperated and arms finally falling by his side in defeat as if you'd hate the idea and chew him out for it, as if you could ever hate the idea. He named a fucking whale shark after you.Ā
āYes.ā
Immediately, like all things gojo seemed to be best at making you do, your eyes filled to the brim with tears. His hands found your cheeks, thumbs moving to swipe under your waterline as he panicked. āNo, no, no, wait- don't cry, that bad huh? Fuck, it was supposed to make you happy-ā
Your fingers tightly gripped his wrists, biting your lip to stifle and quiet your cries thankful the worker and surrounding couples had moved along. āI⦠I am, that does make me happy.āĀ
Like a weight that had been lifted from his chest for the first time in weeks, Gojo physically relaxed, shoulders slumping in relief. He gently pulled the two of you closer to the tank, eyes solely interested in you as if there wasn't a gigantic whale shark swimming right next to him, as if you were the only thing worth watching, as if he didn't want to blink in case he might miss something.
You sniffled, small laugh hiccuping out of you. āThat is s-so silly..ā he was nodding along with your words, palms resuming their once rightful place on your cheeks and now the only thing running through his mind was that if he was ever so lucky to be gifted another chance that he would never take it for granted ever again in his life, never take you for granted.
āI am so in love with you Y/n, you have no idea.āĀ
His mouth frowned at the slightest flash of sadness in your eyes, corners crinkling as more tears silently streamed down your cheeks. āIll keep showing you I'm sorry for as long as you let me and god im fucking sorry. You are the best thing thats happened to me and i know none of its enough, none of it compares to how i hurt and destroyed your trust in me, b-but fuck I love you,ā he spoke softly, yet urgent and severe and he hated the inkling of hope that sprinkled in his chest, the fear and pain that came along with thinking he might not be so hopeless after all. It only made it worse.
āI..ā his heart seized in his chest as he waited for you to finish. āI don't forgive you gojo.ā and he felt his heart crack, felt everything in him completely ache and throb and the tightness of his throat burned so painfully he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold back the sob that threatened to leave him. He licked his lips, nodding his head to your response and dropping his hands, tears readying to leave his own. The worst of it all was understanding, was agreeing with your decision.
āY-yeah, yeah-ā Itās all he could whisper, all he could muster. But then a hand reached out for his own, fingers lacing through his once more. He wanted to yank it out, not out of spite, not to be rude, but he was on the cusp of shattering. Didn't want you to see him wail like a toddler in the aquarium, figured you weren't vengeful enough to want to watch it though you had every right to be.Ā
āB-but... that doesnt mean that one day I wontā¦I just- I need time, but I think, maybe⦠I'd be willing to tryā¦ā you breathed, gaze flickering back to him, to the floor, to the whale shark he fucking named after you, back to bright blue eyes that looked at you as if you were the air he breathed, the oxygen in his lungs.Ā
A tear dropped down his cheek and he felt his body restart. Felt every function in his body like a car being hot wired and suddenly he was working all over again, electricity shooting through every single muscle, tendon, organ.Ā
A squeal left your lips, strong arms suddenly wrapped fully around your middle as you were snatched up and spun around, hands braced against his shoulder as broken fits of laughter flew out of you.Ā
He was in disbelief, he was in awe, he was dreaming, he was everything you weren't and you were everything he wasn't and he was excited, so hopeful, peppering your cheeks and face with kisses as if he just won the lottery- no, no this was better, this was so much better.
āSatoru, stop!ā but you were giggling, you were giggling and gently pushing him back, but at the first syllable of his name that you hadn't said in so long, he just couldn't find it in himself to physically peel himself away. You were everything and more and satoru gojo was the greediestĀ man alive.Ā
You could hear the smile on his face. The intensity at which he spoke, the genuineness in his words and actions.
āFuck- I love you I love you I love you, you wont regret this, youre gonna be my wife and ill make it up to you every single day from now on, thank you thank you-ā the words slightly muffled as he continued planting delicate kisses over your face.Ā
You wouldn't kiss him just yet, despite wanting nothing more than to feel his soft ones against yours.
Baby steps.
You laughed, shy but not fearful, eyebrows shooting up your forehead at his admission and eagerness. āLets start with one day at a time, yeah?ā
Gojo finally pulled back, palms finding their now rightful place on your warmed cheeks, tucking the fallen hair behind your ears. He bit his lip, grinning so wide his face hurt.Ā
A bet is classic. What could be more fun than targeting a sweet girl and making her fall in love with the reputable campus fuckboy? Surely he wouldnāt fall in love with you.
fratboy!gojo x f!reader
notes: I have seen sooooo many ideas and tiktoks about the trope of reader being a bet & it always hurts so good! wanted to try it out and ofc it had to be with fratboy gojo >:)))
warnings: angst obvi hehehe, drinking, cursing, reader is super sweet and a bet obvi, no comfort or happy ending (yet? who knows), mentions of vomiting but doesnāt, mentions of blood, reader is never someoneās first choice:(( ummmm, gojo is an asshole ofc
Part 2 here!
Credit to @uzmacchiato for the divider!!
Satoru knew he should've said no in the beginning, knew it wasn't worth it just to impress his friends- his stupid frat brothers who never took anything seriously. Never thought about the consequences of their actions.
Buuut the idea of the bet was just too good to turn down.
The effort, the build up, the dedication- it would all come together so perfectly, especially with you as the main star. With you being you, you were doomed from the start before the bet could even fully take shape.
Sweet little you. Shouldn't you have known better?
Going around, shamelessly wearing your heart on your sleeve, always spreading kindness on the darkest of days, looking and talking to people as if they genuinely mattered- and maybe to you, they actually did, even when they couldn't have cared less about returning the favor. Not that you ever expected anything in return.
And most importantly of it all? You were so understanding. Far too understanding for your own good. The debilitating type that had rooted itself early on as some sort of lousy defense mechanism and eventually morphed into something self destructive. Had you subconsciously constructing and molding subpar excuses to justify someone's behavior, especially when it was directed towards you.
Always being an overly empathetic thing, so willing to sacrifice and minimize your own feelings when it came to others, always softening their blow.
Were you desperate or something to get people to stay? So desperate that you had unintentionally turned yourself into a doormat that people could stomp all over?
Anybody could've told you that it was idiotic to try and see everyone at face value, to so naively believe the words people told you. But you could've argued the opposite.
It wasn't naivety. It was you, sweet and trusting you, determined to not let your past heartbreak change the way you viewed others, to not let it bias you, scare you, or haunt you. Despite having been constantly hurt, you refused to allow your past experiences make you question and doubt every. single. new. relationship.
Always trying to see the good in people.
It would have turned out great, perfectly actually. You had played your part with flying colors, just as expected, putting on the most spectacular, albeit unknown, performance. And Satoru? Well.
Things would have turned out great.
If he hadn't started falling in love with you.
But the show must go on.
āH-Hey, Satoru! Wait-wait a sec!ā The words spilled from your lips in an unintentional desperate plea, the halls fully swarmed and packed with students squeezing past one another. Dozens of conversations mulled around you, voices mindlessly buzzing and bouncing off the walls as you paced towards the white haired man.
Satoru had been anything but clear as of recently, a new push pull dynamic heād adopted that had you more confused and thrown off than ever. You thought you were going crazy.
One night he was taking you out, looking at you like you were his dream girl who hung the moon in his sky, and the next he was treating you like some clingy puppy that he had never even asked for in the first place. The hot and coldness of it all had given you whiplash trying to keep up with him.
But of course, of couuurrrse, you believed him when he said it was stress. That finals and exams had him so busy, but of course he liked you! He was just new at this whole communication thing and needed time but please Y/N, I like you so much please im trying.
You believed it all.
After all, why would you not? Especially when Satoru was Satoru and you were you.
Sure, you knew you could be a lot, knew you could have more than afforded to shut up every now and then and not chimed in with your over the top unnecessary eager commentary, but regardless, the point still stood. Satrou Gojo, one of the hottest most pined after frat boys on campus that everyone treated like a myth, like an untouchable legend, talked to you, was nice to you, even took you out and seemed happy to do so.
Maybe for once, the rumors could have been just rumors!
Plus, the last few times you remembered being taken out was high school, and they never showed you much interest past the first date once they learned they couldn't get in your pants. Gojo hadn't even tried!
āSorry-excuse me,ācuse me, sorr- oops, my bad, imsosorry- Satoru!ā
He'd been oddly silent the past few days, completely unresponsive to your texts. But with finals coming up, surely he must've been cramming and just far too busy to respond.
He hadn't sat next to you like usual in lecture, but he showed up late, so maybe he didn't want to bother you?
But he didn't wait for you after either, gone before you could even leave your seat. You couldn't deny how it stung, but always chalked it up to him being too busy or in a rush.
You could visibly see his shoulders tense from behind, the slight tilt of his head as it hung forward in what you could only assume was annoyance, a brief mental preparation to deal with you. A pang bloomed in your chest, unease pulsing through you.
He slowed down just enough for you to catch up, but didn't stop. Slightly out of breath, you fell into step next to him, cheeks flushing and heat creeping up your neck from his clear uneagerness to see or talk to you. You nervously swallowed. He could be intimidating when he wanted to be.
He didn't greet you, didn't look at you, just waited for you to speak.
You awkwardly cleared your throat to speak, a small and meek āhi,ā being the only word to squeeze out.
āIāve got class.ā Short, quick, dismissive.
His blunt uninterested response sent doubt pummeling through you, the gifts in your pocket weighing heavier and heavier with the possibility of rejection more realistic than you initially thought.
He would draw you in, perfect words to butter you up and make you feel foolish for ever questioning him, and then he'd get like this. Not mean per se, but just so uninterested in you that you wondered if you had made it all up. You weren't dating (yet? So you were hoping) but he had kissed you on the most recent date. Didn't that mean something?
You'd been so ecstatic afterwards, but with no solid friends on campus, you had no one to tell or squeal to. You carried everything alone, both good and bad. Gojo knew that, the whole frat knew that. It's what made you the perfect choice.
āR-right, yeah! Um- can you stop just for a second- i wanted to-ā and he loudly sighed, piercing blue eyes rolling into his head as he stopped to turn to you. He didn't say anything, just stared expectantly at you like you were completely wasting his time. His gaze on you was irritated.
The eye contact had you jittery. Not the usual nerves you'd get when you turned your head just to find him already looking at you, so anxious youād somehow mess things up with the hottest guy ever, so desperate to be good enough for him. No. It was the on edge, antsy type that had you replaying every dumb thing you've ever said to him, the doubt pooling at the very bottom of your stomach that felt like a heavy black tar. It felt like a test you knew youād fail when you had studied so hard to do good. You just wanted him to like you the way you liked him, and god, did you fucking like him.
Don't fuck this up, y/n, this is the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Nervously swallowing and cheeks blazing, you gave an uneasy awkward smile before rummaging through your tote bag and pocket, muttering a tiny but sincere āsorry,ā when his foot started to impatiently tap against the floor.
A small pit formed in your stomach, feeling slightly mortified and very embarrassed. The feeling was similar to a child showing off their very mediocre work to an overly critical parent.
āSorry,ā you huffed a fake laugh, pulling out the small container from your bag and the keychain from your pocket.
āI-um, I made these for you, since you know, you said you loved cookies, uh on the date, they're um your favorite..ā and your words trailed off as you held out the tin, slowly beginning to feel smaller and smaller as he kept his hands by his side, no show of trying to take it from you. A small sticky note on the top read, āHope you like them! :D <3ā
āOh! A-and, hah, I saw this and, and I thought of you, especially since you said you really, um, really liked that show.ā nothing. āJ-Just as a um, thank you, for the other night. W-Was a lot, o-of fun.ā
You held both hands out, praying he didn't see the slight tremble of your clammy hands holding the items as you stood there feeling like an idiot. The thumping of your heart picked up, eyes looking anywhere but at him, bowing your head just slightly so you wouldn't have to see him look so repulsed by you.
Had you somehow misread everything? Like actually? This entire interaction felt like some humiliation ritual.
āUm, if, if you want, o-of course, no.. no pressure,ā You pathetically added, already trying to lessen his blow, already trying to minimize and justify his cold reaction towards you.
He let out a small snicker, hands finally coming up to grab the items from your unsteady hands. You hid the sigh of relief that you wanted to let out, so easy to please and already feeling happy again that he accepted your gifts, as if it was a nuisance for him to do so.
āWow, thanks. You do too much,ā he dully noted, a small closed lip smile gracing his pretty features before he turned on his feet to continue his trek to class.
The comment made you freeze, staring at the spot he stood in, a āthank you?ā not even having the chance to leave your tongue. You didn't think he said it with mal intent, but the words ātoo muchā always seemed to find its way back to you.
āOh wait!ā Gojo's voice broke you from your thoughts, and you immediately turned to face him, eyes wide and excited like a dog hearing the word āwalk.ā Maybe he'd talk to you some more, or want you to walk with him! Or maybe-
āParty this Friday night at the house. You should come by, all my friends will be there.ā The words made you deflate. A party⦠at his frat house⦠the idea made your stomach twist with nerves. You knew no one, had no friends to go with, and you were absolutely horrified of embarrassing yourself around him- even more- than what you felt like you had already done.
āOh! Um, haha, I don't think your friends like me- um- very much, haha,ā you stated, hand coming up to push your fallen hair behind your ear, a small wince on your face as to not make it a big deal.
His friends, and Gojo at first too, had been relatively mean to you starting off, relentless teasing about your looks, your interests, hobbies, lack of knowledge you had despite trying so hard. You had been so caught off guard when he told you he liked you.
āPsh, they're just playing! See you at 10pm,ā he yelled back, already walking away, arm coming up to carelessly wave. You sighed to yourself. You knew you would go. You really wanted to see gojo.
Friday night was a mess. A good mess at first, at least. Cars parked up and down the street, people packed in like sardines in and outside the house, music so loud all the neighboring dorms and frats could hear, and god did it reek like sweat and musk.
The two shots - okay maybe three - you took right before for liquid courage seemed to do the exact opposite as you maneuvered around a couple making out, small āexcuse meāsā falling from your lips every second in a measly attempt to find gojo.
The small revealing outfit you had on, at least, seemed to match the vibe, relieved when you saw girls wearing far less. The only con was that your favorite knee high boots would most definitely get stepped on, but at least you were taller now as you searched for the stark white tufts of hair.
The house thrummed from the vibration of the speakers, bass so heavy your teeth rattled. It was dark, the only light illuminating the rooms were colorful shades of blues, purples, reds, and greens shining and flashing everywhere. The party felt like everything you weren't, but for a split second you were almost proud of yourself, going so far out of your comfort zone it felt like you were on a whole other planet. You imagined how fun these parties could be if you had any friends, and before you could let the thought get you down, you let your tipsy self imagine what it would be like to experience these with gojo by your side, excited that you were about to.
Like the rest of the house, the kitchen was packed. Unable to find Gojo had you seeking out another drink and the multitude of bottles of liquor that covered the surfaces were calling your name. You felt confident, wanting another drink to keep your courage and vibes up, grabbing a red solo cup and creating a concoction that would be far too strong, but you were here to let loose right? You were at a party!
Further encouraged and emboldened when a girl passing by stopped to compliment you, you smiled to yourself, feeling the tension roll off your back and a new found self-assurance bloom within you.
Bodies flowed and worked around you, not shoving into you or looking at you like you didn't belong, but moved in rhythm near you, like you had every right to be there and fit just fine. You relaxed into the music, earlier shots of vodka giving you a nice buzz that warmed your skin, made your cheeks tingle, and more importantly a soft happiness that weighed in your chest that comforted you like a safety blanket. Pouring the liquor into the cup with a mixer that admittedly was way too little, you knocked over a different cup, relieved there was barely any liquid that spilled over.
Quietly giggling to yourself, you spun to grab a roll of paper towels, quickly drying up the small mess you made, already sipping on your drink that made you wince in disgust. It was perfect. You hummed along to the music, hips swaying while lights blinded you, walking over to the metal garbage can to toss the wet material. Looking inside, you couldn't help but notice the tupperware that looked exactly like yours.
Furrowing your eyebrows, you leaned in a little closer, tiny fractures cutting into your heart as you realized it was yours, still packed to the brim with your cookies, sticky note still stuck to the top. Next to the cookies, the keychain you had bought him.
You froze, just a moment before scooting back, not wanting to get caught staring into the trashcan as you processed everything. There was a dull ache in your chest, energy immediately depleting and inklings of shame and embarrassment circulating through you. Your mind worked through the different possibilities, seeking out any excuse or reason as to why your items now lay forgotten in the trash.
You felt the build up of tears, blinking them back with a shaky breath as you chugged your mixture that was mainly liquor, a hopeless attempt at suppressing the sadness you felt. You shivered, turning your head to gag at the disgusting taste. Surely all the alcohol would calm your nerves.
Maybe one of the guys had done it? And not Gojo? You were positive this was all some sort of misunderstanding, no way he would just do that right? He told you he liked you- it wouldn't make any sense.
You began your trek around the sea of people, legs a little more unsteady now, eyes slightly glassy, contents of your stomach filled with a majority of alcohol and barely any food from your earlier nerves. All you wanted to do was find him, figure out an explanation that you were positive you'd be more than willing to accept, and spend the rest of the night by his side having a good time. The cookies weren't hard to bake and it's not like the keychain cost that much- it was fine, you were fine.
A little more intense this time, you made your way through the frat house, a sigh of relief when a glimpse of that notorious white fluffy hair came into view, a black backwards baseball cap sitting perfectly on his head. When your eyes finally landed on gojo, albeit still a little wobbly and throat tight, you couldn't help the smile that automatically formed on your face, hoping he'd feel the same. Why wouldn't he? He did invite you after all.
He was surrounded by his friends and then some, everyone dialed in on what he was saying. You anxiously stepped forward, waiting for the right time to get close to him and say hello. You wondered if he'd hug you and say āhi baby,ā like he sometimes did. The thought made your heart flutter inside its ribs like a bird in a cage.
Maybe he'd even compliment your outfit, or your hair and makeup. You eagerly bit your lip, too excited to be embarrassed at your spiraling thoughts of being somewhat wanted by him.
āBro and then she gave me a fuck ass keychain, dude!!ā he broke up his commentary with a laugh, a little too forced for it to be genuine, but a laugh nonetheless. āSaid it reminded her of me, like, she just can't get any weirder bro. God and don't get me started on the cookies. She said it was her thanks for taking her out, but she doesnt know its all a bet to get into her pants- shes a fucking virgin for sureeee, threw that shit out as soon as i got back,ā and he snickered and grinned like he had won the best prize. Like he had formed the best, most elaborate plan and you had played your part perfectly. You really, really had.
His friends, who you recognized as toji and maybe sukuna, chuckled, all chiming in with terms of agreement and encouragement, adding on all sorts of lies and theories about you, like maybe you were secretly a whore putting out, your innocent act a devious little facade. Geto, who had always been kind to you, was there too, perched against the side of a couch, not joining in, but silent and accepting.
You flinched, physically recoiling back when you heard them laugh about how you were too much, too pathetic to see right through anything at all, a fucking stupid girl for thinking someone like you could have a chance at him. Everything you had told yourself, every insecurity that had coursed through you, all confirmed. Others really did view you the way you saw yourself.
āBro and when I kissed her, swear i almost gagged-ā
You drowned his voice out, the music. There was a ringing in your ears that wasn't there before. Frozen in your spot, fingers beginning to shake, throat burning so badly you weren't sure if the alcohol you had downed was about to make a surprise appearance or not.
The bodies around you blurred as the pit in your stomach grew, humiliation washing over you as if youād just been doused with a bucket full of ice water. You didn't run, couldn't, feet glued to the floor as you were forced to listen to the group of the hottest guys on campus who didn't even know you as a person, didn't take the time to learn you, ridicule you and make fun of you. You guessed it didn't matter, because Gojo had.
Each breath was labored and jagged, chest tightening and skin prickling with such an intense heat that you felt constricted in the already sparse clothes you wore. The way the fabric dug into you, a certain stitch that scratched you, the zipper that rubbed against your skin - it felt like you were suddenly aware of every unpleasant feeling in addition to the shattering of your heart.
You wanted to go home, wanted the floor to swallow you whole- felt so unbelievably silly standing there watching the guy you liked- fuck, the guy you had fallen in love with- paint you out to be some weird nasty creature who was undeserving of his attention. Sure, you had felt that way initially, but he had been so kind to you that you had been so blindsided, unknowingly setting yourself up to fall right back into your constant cycle of heartbreak and misery.
Built up tears finally broke the surface, some beginning to stream down your face and others just dropping from the sheer amount that had welled up. It wasn't until gojo turned his head, eyes landing directly on you and smile completely dropping that your legs became unstuck.
Your breath hitched, crackling sob breaking through as your saliva grew sticky. The extra drinks sure to make you vomit after this. You spun so fast you lost balance for a split second on your heels, immediately righting yourself and pushing through the sweaty bodies blocking you in. You didn't say sorry or excuse me, just pummeled through, desperate to get outside so that maybe you could finally breathe. You felt like a pig in makeup, and the thought made you cry harder. So beyond embarrassed, having dressed up and done your hair and makeup, mortified that everyone else thought you looked just as ugly and silly. You had to get out of here, the air was too thick and stuffy as the walls closed in on you.
Your name fell on deaf ears, sprinting out the front door and down the porch steps, surroundings a blur from not only how fast you were moving, but the alcohol that coursed through you. You knew the gifts were stupid, sure, but everything else? The kiss? He wanted to gag? All the times he called you pretty, beautiful, yes, it was more than plausible that it was a lie, but why did he say it all then? That's right, because you were supposedly just a fucking bet.
Who would willingly want to be with you?
Gojo called your name again, louder. You weren't the only one sick to your stomach. He cursed, heart dropping to his ass as the overwhelming suffocating feeling of guilt bloomed inside of his chest, heart quite literally constricting at how shitty, how fucking disgusting, he felt. It spread throughout him and he would've thought it was dramatic if it didn't feel like he could currently drop to his knees and heave. The entire situation was beyond fucked up, everything a misunderstanding and completely not at the same time.
āFuck fuck fuck,ā he repeated, hoarse and panicked as he immediately trailed after you, abruptly leaving the conversation mid sentence, not caring how he looked when all the guys stared at him in confusion. He lost sight of you for a moment but knew you'd only try to leave, escape the perfect hell he had just created for you.
Why the fuck did he do this? How the fuck was he gonna make this up to you, and why had he let himself get involved in this shitty idea anyway? He knew he should've called it off, he knew he had fallen for you.
Muttering insults as hands came out to grab at him, others trying to talk and some pulling him in for a dance. He didn't look, didn't care who they were, practically throwing and shoving their hands off him with only you in mind. He would explain everything to you, lay himself bare and expose the ugliness and insecurities that festered inside of him.
He had been projecting this entire time, exhausted from maintaining such an ugly facade of the frat fuckboy, desperately trying to fit in with everyone else that he stupidly agreed to the bet just to feel some type of belonging and companionship. All at the expense of you.
He didn't think, that was his issue. So caught up in this fake lifestyle that he knew the act wasn't just pretend anymore, his morals slipping by the day as he settled into this new once foreign character. They were all fucking assholes. All of them.
Fingers tightly clenching your almost dead phone, you bawled, frustration making you grit your teeth in additional annoyance when the sidewalk wouldn't stay straight. Accidentally stepping off the concrete, your heel caught on the edge, sending you falling onto all fours on the pavement, too drunk to care about the pain that shot up your wrists and knees. You let out a guttural infuriated noise, a mix between a squeal and growl, feeling so much more than just pissed and heartbroken. You furiously smashed your palm against the concrete as if it held the blame.
āFuck, hey, shit, are you okay??ā
Gojo's palm rested on your back and in the blink of an eye you stumbled up, whipping around to face him seething and disgusted as tears continued to stream down your cheeks.
āDon't fucking touch me,ā you spat backing away from him as if he had physically struck you, and at this point you thought you wouldāve almost preferred that over the gut wrenching feeling in your chest. There was a physical pain that tore throughout you, your heart feeling like sharp talons had ripped it out and stomped on it like an attempt at snuffing out a flame.
If you had it in you, you wouldāve laughed at his expression, so devastated and hurt and torn as if he wasn't the one who caused all this, as if he wasn't the one who could've prevented everything. He had the audacity to stare at you like he was scared of losing you.
āPlease, please y/n, i can explain, I am so sorry, please,ā and it was as equally pathetic as it was infuriating. gojo pathetically begged, arms awkwardly reaching towards you as if you were the solution.
You paused, tongue loose and words slurred, staring at him bewildered as you threw your palms up. He wasn't who you thought he was. Or maybe he was exactly who everybody said he was and it was your fault for thinking otherwise.
āI thought you liked digimon??ā
He swore, hands coming up to drag down his face. You saw. Saw your cookies and the keychain you bought him in the garbage.
āThat wasn't me, I swear, please believe me, I swear- I-I got back from class, one of the guys saw and- and started laughing, they took it from me before I could even say anything. They tossed it, and I swear, please believe me, I was gonna grab it after, I-I love Digimon, I loved your gifts, please.ā
He was breathless now, a fruitless panicked attempt at defending himself.
You scoffed. āSure it wasn't too much?ā
Gojo winced, hands curling. āI didn't mean it, I didn't mean it like that-ā You cut him off, angrily sniffing and wiping your bloody gravel pricked hands against your black mini skirt. God you felt ridiculous.
āYeah?? Which fucking part??ā Your voice raised an octave, almost yelling but you didn't care as passerbyers turned their heads. You spewed the words, moving forward just to angrily shove at his chest, blood smearing his white shirt. Good, you wanted to stain his shit, wipe your blood all over it.
He took advantage of the proximity, quickly but lightly wrapping his large hands around your wrists to keep you close. You screeched, thrashing in his hold, weakly trying to hit him, shove him, and with his loose grip, he let you, your small fists pounding against his hard chest
āIm sorry, Im sorry, Im so fucking sorry, I like you- I like you so fucking much-ā
A broken sob escaped you, a mix between a snarl and cry getting stuck in your throat.
āI didn't mean anything I said in there, I loved kissing you, youāre beautiful - fuck, youāre perfect, youāre so fucking perfect and- and you know me, the real me, I feel like I can be myself with you, please please please, im begging you, let me explain everything- from the start.ā He was frantic, words rushing out so fast they blended into one. His eyes were glossy and rimmed red and you knew it wasnāt from whatever drugs he had done.
You stilled your hits, pausing in his hold. Rapid breaths mingling, chests quickly falling and rising, faded background music from the frat echoing into the night.
āPlease.ā
Gojo spoke it like a prayer, voiced with despair and a frenzied anguish that he knew deep down would do nothing. He would continue to beg, to plead with you, to reason, but deep down, he knew. Your chin dropped to your chest helplessly, a small hiccup squeezing itself out as you tried to catch your breath. Your eyes felt swollen from how much you had cried, but you had plenty left.
You could feel gojo guide your palms to rest against his chest, a new set of bloody hand prints against the stark white, heart thumping like he'd just ran a marathon. You slammed your eyes shut, new sobs threatening to break loose, the feeling of wanting to curl up and die had never been more prominent.
āy/n, I'll do anything, please- please, I don't-ā and his voice cracked, fingers tightening around your wrists. āI don't want to lose you- Im so, Im so sorry, baby.ā
Your breath hitched, lips curling and fingers twisting into his shirt to bunch the fabric beneath your fingers. The agony and discomfort in your chest was painfully overwhelming, silently wishing you'd wake up from this nightmare, wishing you never heard him, trying to wrap your mind around how and why he would do this to you. Youād never understand, would never gain pleasure from hurting anyone, let alone, him.
āWhat did I ever do to you?ā
The words came out small, so small and fractured and so confused, seeking an explanation or reason that could maybe get the two of you past this- that maybe you must've done something to deserve it and the two of you could come back from this, but you knew it was all for nothing. For no reason at all.
Gojo's eyes flashed with guilt, anger, and shame. He wanted to recoil, wanted to throw his head into his hands and sob, but he didn't want to let you go. He knew it would be the last time. Your gaze didn't meet his.
He swallowed, throat stinging and eyes burning. He regretted everything, internally begging to take it all back like some upper power would hear him and turn back time.
āNothing, you didn't deserve this- you did- did nothing.ā The words caught as his voice wavered and you wondered if he was crying. You refused to look at those eyes. His fucking blue perfect eyes that bore into you like you mattered- it was all lies- he had lied to you for months- almost an entire semester. You dug your teeth into your bottom lip, attempting to stifle the wail you wanted to blubber out. It had been months.
Months of getting to know one another, of a build up, of a hope for something more. The silliest stupidest notion that for once someone found you valuable too and it wasnāt one sided.
A shallow gasp, an unintentional whimper, your shoulders shook as you wept.
āI wish I never met you, g-gojo. I would never-ā a cry broke your words, tensing up as you angled your head down to hide your uncontrollable tears. He wanted to correct you and tell you to call him satoru or toru, but he stayed silent, let the sting burn. āNever hurt you like this.ā
You shakily exhaled, not paying attention to his mindless small whimpers of āI know, I'm so sorry, I know, please.ā
You gripped the fabric tighter, lifting your head to finally meet his eyes, hating how he was crying, how he genuinely looked heartbroken at hurting you, how you hated seeing him like this. His chin wobbled, breath coming out in unsteady pants and for once, he didn't look like the notorious frat boy who could conquer anything. He looked small, like a scared little boy.
Unsteady shaky hands lifted to gently cup your cheeks, gojo preparing himself for you to yank away from his touch like it burned. He sniffled when you didnāt, perfect lips shiny and slightly parted as he fully rested them against your soft skin.
āI never want to see you again.ā
His composure shattered, immediately shaking his head murmuring ānoāsā, thumbs rubbing back and forth over your skin and under your eyes as he repeated the same words over and over again. You pushed him back roughly with all your drunken force, which wasn't much, but enough to send him stumbling backwards to create distance.
He was alarmed, not at what you had done, but at watching you walk away, brain filling with nothing but no no no no no please, please stay, stay with me stay.
āY/n, no please, baby, baby, y/n, please hear me out- please-ā his voice was shredded, raw from drinking and yelling and begging, but he didnāt care. Heād beg and beg until he had no voice left, and when it was gone, he would find another way.
For a moment, you paused, and he thought that maybe, just maybe you would listen. But when you slowly turned to him, looking so fucking beautiful still as street lamps glistened in the reflection of your eyes, cheeks shiny and tinted pink from the tears that painted your cheeks, it all clicked. It was torturous.
āFuck y/n, please, I-I love you. Iām so,ā he swallowed to ease the scratchiness of his throat. It did nothing. āIām so in love with you,ā and he whispered the words, loud enough so youād hear, but almost as if they werenāt meant for you, as if he was just talking to himself and unintentionally said the realization aloud.
He watched as a lone tear dropped down your cheek and it was cruel. He was cruel, you were cruel. Standing there so perfect and so beautiful while you broke his heart, and it was all his fault since he had done it first. The silence was thick as the two of you stood feet apart, wordlessly staring at each other, letting his words hang in the air. You opened your mouth and shut it, letting the process repeat as you mulled over the words in your head, wishing more than ever he hadnāt said them. Wishing more than ever you didnāt feel the same.
āIād pick you, over and over again Satoru, every time, in a room full of people. Everyone would,ā you huffed a fake laugh, blinking away your tears as you stared into his dumb perfect eyes. āI thought-ā your lips quivered, chin wobbling at the humiliating admission. āI thought for once, someone had finally picked me.ā The words slowly fell from your lips, laced with what one could only describe as pure heartbreak.
Gojo felt the final blow split his heart, not a clean cut, but a jagged uneven slash that cleaved it in two. He called your name, desperate and all, watching you spin on your heel and angrily walk away, your perfume hitting him as the wind blew.
He stepped forward- yelled your name again. But you didn't turn, didn't peek, didn't flinch as you sobbed, fingers constantly wiping your eyes to see where you were going as you drunkenly walked back to your apartment. Cried for yourself, mourned who you were becoming, who you were becoming with him. You had fallen in love with him too, of course you had. He was so easy to love.
Ricochet - you're a young college professor teaching English Lit and history, you don't live an insanely exciting life - no, you enjoy spending time at home with a good book and a glass of red. You're perfectly content until a certain student sets his pretty blue eyes on you - senior Satoru Gojo. who has become obsessed with you, and he won't stop until you're all his. (yan/nerd toru) ongoing - 43k
Just Friends!? - based on the movie 'Just Friends'- Satoru left his old life behind, leaving town, moving to the big city of LA- Everything about him is different, aside from those pretty blue eyes and the sweet grin, but is he still your sweet best friend deep down?- lots of angst and feels, friends to nothing to lovers (former nerd turned model Toru) ongoing - 57k
bsf Nerd! Toru fks you in the ass after Frat! Kuna breaks up with you - just what it says - sukuna leaves you for his snow dealer so Satoru fucks your ass
Accidentally Sucking off Nerd Gojo - mistaken identity gone right - you stumble drunk and think you're sucking your bf Suguru! whoops!
Pervy doctor! Gojo - nerdy, awkward gyno! Gojo getting distracted by his patient's coochie, inappropriate workplace behavior, breaking oaths<3
nerd gojo x milf reader - he gets a dance from a pretty stripper on his twenty-first and... cums in his pants </3
ą¹Ā°ć»Frat Gojo ficsć»Ā°ą¹
Took You Like a Shot - have been rivals for all of college, right up until the last day of school, where you end up under him and... pregnant somehow!? shit. But have you two actually hated each other, or are you both lying to yourselves? Can a party boy raise a kid? finished series - 42k
Birds of a feather -The boy who was your first kiss can't be the Satoru Gojo that stands in front of you. Once a shy nerd with his head in the clouds, now he's the all star football player and frat leader. You hated him for so long when he ran away after that kiss and avoided you, but Satoru always thought of you. -20k oneshot
midsummer - Satoru Gojo has been obsessed with Suguru's older sister - you - since he was old enough to even remember, and it's only gotten worse since he's grown up. Yet you still see him as 'little toru' when nothing on Satoru Gojo is 'little'. Now you're visiting Suguru's family for spring break - What better time to try to make you his!?- mini series - 1/3
Fratboy! Gojo hcs- cute and freaky hcs of fratboy Gojo x Sorority reader
Fratboy Gojo waxes you- nsfw- Where your baby daddy waxes you <3
I'm Into it: Fratboy Satoru and you are best friends, and there's only one place to sit-- his lap.
ą¹Ā°ć»Fratjo/nerdjo twin ficsć»Ā°ą¹
At the same damn time??? - ceo toru/ nerd satoru/ frat gojo x reader- What could be more insane than having the Gojo twins - Nerd Satoru and Frat Gojo - as your very competitive and freaked out boyfriends? Well, finding out they're triplets!
nerdjo x reader x fratjo - why have one gojo when there are two?
nerdjo x reader x fratjo pt 2 - have more of these twin psychos fighting over you
thought I'd compile them for yall hehe <3 I'll pin it to the jjk mlist! art is by @teaforgods on x/ig!
š²š» ššµš¶š°šµ ā° a hopelessly lovesick sukuna secretly leaves you handmade paper flowers every single day, until you finally catch him in the act.
āæ āā) ryomen sukuna š gn!reader
š¬š¼š»šš²š»š fluff, college!au, student council president!reader, sukuna is hopelessly in love, secret admirer!sukuna, daily handmade paper flower, yearning!!!, rambling confession, emotional intimacy, sukuna is basically a gentle giant lol.
the first time ryomen sukuna saw you, he tripped over his own feet and nearly face-planted into a vending machine.
it was freshman orientation, and you were standing at the front of the auditorium, clipboard in hand, expression utterly unreadable, directing a flood of nervous eighteen-year-olds with the calm efficiency of a general commanding troops. your voice was steady, unhurried, every syllable measured, and your posture was impeccable; you looked like you had never made a mistake in your life, like you had never once felt the hot flush of embarrassment creep up your neck, like you were carved from marble and given a student id.
sukuna, meanwhile, was a mess of gangly limbs and too many tattoos for someone who had just turned eighteen.
his pink hair stuck up in wild spikes that no amount of product could tame, and his face was still carrying the last dregs of teenage awkwardness, even if he was already six-foot-two and built like someone who could bench press a small car. his ears were burning, his hands were sweating, and all sukuna could think, as he watched you direct a lost-looking girl toward the science building, was oh no.
itās been two years since then, and nothing has changed except for the fact that sukunaās crush has only gotten worse.
the pink haired boy is sitting in the back of the student union right now, nursing a lukewarm coffee that heās been pretending to drink for the last forty-five minutes, watching you across the room; youāre at your usual table, the one by the window that gets the best morning light, surrounded by a small mountain of paperwork. your pen moves across the page with quick, decisive strokes, and every so often you pause to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
sukunaās heart does something really embarrassing in his chest every single time.
heās aware of how pathetic this is.
heās aware that he, ryomen sukuna, who has a reputation for being the most terrifying person on campus, who once made a guy cry simply by looking at him, is currently sitting here like a lovesick teenager in a bad rom-com. he knows damn well that if anyone ā really, anyone ā caught him staring at you like this, his entire carefully constructed image would crumble into dust. but he canāt stop; heās never been able to stop.
youāre just so . . . so you.
composed and unflappable and impossibly graceful, even when youāre stressed out of your mind. sukuna has seen you handle a student council meeting where half the members were at each otherās throats, he has seen you smooth over a crisis when the spring festival almost got cancelled, he has seen you calmly talk down a furious professor who was threatening to fail an entire class. you donāt raise your voice. you never panic, you just . . . handle things, and sukuna thinks thatās the most attractive thing heās ever witnessed.
heās been in love with you since day one, and heās been too much of a coward to do anything about it.
itās not that heās scared of rejection ā okay, fine, maybe sukuna is terrified of rejection, but thatās not the main issue! the main issue is that he has absolutely no idea how to approach you; youāre the student council president, busy and important and constantly surrounded by people. you donāt go to parties, you donāt hang out in the quad, you donāt do anything that would give him a natural opportunity to strike up a conversation. and even if you did, what would he even say? hey, iām the guy whoās been pining over you for two years, want to get coffee? no. absolutely not.
so heās settled for something more subtle; something that, in his mind, is a grand romantic gesture but in reality is just deeply, deeply nerdy.
sukuna has been leaving you paper flowers.
it started last semester, when sukuna found himself in the art building for a general ed class he was barely passing. heād wandered into the sculpture studio while waiting for his professor, and thereād been a stack of origami paper sitting on one of the tables. heād picked up a sheet without thinking, his fingers moving on autopilot, folding and creasing until a small paper rose sat in his palm; it was clumsy and lopsided and missing a petal, but something about it made him think of you, so heād left it on your usual table in the student union, tucked under the corner of your laptop, and heād practically sprinted out of the building before you could see him.
the next day, the flower was gone, and sukunaās heart had nearly stopped on the spot.
heād stared at the empty spot on the table for a solid minute, wondering if youād thrown it away, wondering if youād even noticed it, wondering if he was the biggest idiot on the planet. but then youād walked in, and there it was ā the paper rose, sitting next to your coffee cup, carefully propped up so it wouldnāt get crushed. youād touched it gently when you sat down, a small, soft smile flickering across your face before you turned back to your paperwork.
and sukuna had felt like he was floating.
that was three months ago.
heās left you a paper flower almost every day since, each one slightly better than the last. sukuna has gotten embarrassingly good at origami, spending hours in his small apartment folding and folding until his fingers ache. heās made you roses and lilies and tulips, each one carefully crafted from sheets of paper he buys in bulk from the craft store. he never leaves a note ā that would be too obvious and too direct ā and he always makes sure to leave before you arrive, so he can watch from a distance as you find his little offering and smile that soft, private smile that makes his chest ache.
itās the closest sukuna has ever gotten to you, and itās simultaneously the most wonderful and most torturous thing heās ever experienced.
today, heās got a new flower in his bag, a delicate paper camellia he spent two hours on last night. his fingers are twitching with the urge to go place it on your table, but youāre already sitting there, which means heās going to have to wait a little until you leave for your next class. sukuna checks his watch ā you usually head to the library around ten, so heās got about twenty minutes.
twenty minutes of sitting here, pretending to drink his coffee, trying not to stare too obviously.
well . . . sukuna fails miserably.
youāre wearing a sweater today, something soft and cream-colored that makes you look impossibly cozy. your hair is a little messier than usual, like you ran out the door without checking a mirror, and thereās a tiny smudge of ink on your cheek. sukunaās fingers itch with the urge to reach out and wipe it away. he wants to touch you so badly itās almost painful. he wants to know what you feel like, if youāre as warm as you look, if your skin is soft under his calloused fingertips. he wants to hear your voice directed at him, not at some other student or professor, he wants to see those calm, steady eyes looking at him for once.
sukuna is so lost in his thoughts that he almost misses it when you start packing up your things. he jerks upright, nearly knocking over his coffee, and watches as you slip your laptop into your bag and stand up. you pause for a moment, glancing around the room, and sukuna ducks his head so fast he nearly gives himself whiplash.
he can feel his face burning, he can feel the heat creeping down his neck, and he presses his palms against his thighs to stop them from shaking.
when sukuna dares to look up again, youāre gone, and the table is empty.
sukuna moves before he can think about it, crossing the room in a few long strides and finally dropping the paper camellia onto your table. it lands perfectly, right in the spot where your laptop was, and heās about to turn and flee when he hears a soft voice behind him.
āyou know, iāve been wondering whoās been leaving these.ā
sukuna freezes as his blood turns to ice.
his heart stops, then starts again at double speed, hammering against his ribs like itās trying to escape. he turns around slowly, painfully, and there you are, standing a few feet away with your bag slung over your shoulder and an expression on your face that he canāt quite read.
youāre looking at him. at him. your eyes are steady and calm, just like he always imagined, and theyāre focused entirely on his face. sukunaās mouth goes dry. he opens it, closes it, opens it again, and absolutely no sound comes out.
you tilt your head slightly, and thereās a little hint of something ā amusement? curiosity? ā in your gaze.
āyouāre ryomen sukuna, right? the guy who made a freshman cry last week for stealing his seat in the lecture hall?ā
sukuna winces.
āthat wasāhe was being an asshole,ā sukuna manages, his voice coming out rough and strained. āhe sat in my seat and then he laughed about it. i justāi looked at him. thatās it. i didnāt even say anything.ā
āand yet he cried,ā you say, and thereās definitely amusement in your voice now. a tiny quirk at the corner of your mouth. āyou must have a very intimidating look.ā
sukuna is aware that heās babbling. heās aware that his ears are probably bright red, that his hands are shaking like crazy, that he looks like a complete and utter idiot. heās also aware that youāre still looking at him, and you havenāt run away screaming, which feels like a minor miracle.
āthatās not who i am,ā he finally manages. āi mean, iām notāi donāt go around making people cry. that was a one-time thing. he justāhe really pissed me off.ā
āi believe you,ā you say, and sukunaās poor heart does a triple axel. āso . . . the flowers.ā
āthe flowers,ā sukuna echoes weakly.
ātheyāre yours, arenāt they?ā
you step closer, and sukunaās breath catches in his throat. youāre close enough now that he can smell your shampoo, something floral and warm, and he has to resist the urge to lean in like a complete creep.
āiāve been getting them for a few months now. every time i come to this table, thereās a new one. i thought it was someone in the art club at first, but they said they didnāt know anything about it.ā
sukuna is trying very hard not to pass out.
āitāsāyeah. theyāre from me.ā
āwhy?ā
the question is simple, direct, and utterly devastating.
sukuna opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. his brain is screaming at him to say something smooth, something charming, something that wonāt make him look like a complete fool. what comes out instead is;
āi wanted to give you flowers, but i didnāt know if you were allergic to real ones, so i made them out of paper. because paper flowers donāt cause allergies. and they last forever. so you can keep them as long as you want, and they wonāt die, andāand i just thought they might make you smile.ā
sukuna is not really sure when exactly he started rambling, but he canāt seem to stop. youāre still looking at him with that unreadable expression, and his face is so hot heās surprised his skin hasnāt melted off.
āi didnāt want to be too obvious,ā sukuna continues, his voice getting higher with every word. āi didnāt want to make you uncomfortable. and i didnāt know what to say, or how to say it, so i justāi kept making them. i didnāt think youād notice. i mean, i hoped youād notice, but i didnāt think youādāyouāre always so busy, and youāre the student council president, and you have all these important things to do, and i didnāt want to bother you, andāā
āsukuna.ā
he stops, his mouth still open mid-sentence.
youāve said his name . . . youāve said his name! the world feels tilted, slightly off-kilter, like heās standing on a ship in a storm.
āyou donāt bother me,ā you say, and thereās something soft in your voice now, something that makes his chest ache. āiāve been looking forward to these flowers every day. i have all of them. i keep them in a box under my bed.ā
you reach out and pick up the paper camellia he just placed on the table, turning it over in your fingers. your touch is gentle, almost reverent, and sukuna feels like heās going to combust.
ātheyāre beautiful. iāve never seen anyone make flowers like this. the detail is incredible.ā
āi practice a lot,ā sukuna says, and immediately wants to sink into the floor. āi meanāi justāi like making them. for you. i like making them for you.ā
you look up at him, and thereās a smile on your face now, a real one, soft and warm and absolutely devastating. sukuna feels his heart stop for the second time in five minutes.
ādo you want to sit down?ā you ask, gesturing to the table. āi have some time before my next class. iād like to talk to you.ā
sukuna is going to die.
heās absolutely going to die, right here in the student union, and his last thought will be about how pretty your smile is.
āyeah,ā he manages, his voice barely above a whisper. āyeah, okay. iād like that.ā
you sit down, and sukuna sits across from you, his long legs folding awkwardly under the table. his heart is pounding so loud heās sure you can hear it, and his palms are sweating, and heās pretty sure heās making the most pathetic expression known to man. but you donāt seem to mind. you just look at him, that soft smile still playing on your lips, and sukuna feels like the luckiest person on earth.
āso,ā you say, leaning forward slightly. ātell me about yourself, ryomen sukuna. other than your impressive origami skills.ā
sukuna swallows.
his throat feels tight, and his huge hands are still trembling, and heās never been more nervous in his entire existence. but youāre looking at him like you actually want to hear what he has to say, like sukuna is not just some scary-looking guy with a reputation, and that gives him the courage to open his mouth and start talking.
he tells you about his major ā history, because he likes the stories ā and about his shitty apartment off-campus, and about the stray cat he feeds even though he claims heās not a cat person. he tells you about his tattoos, the meanings behind them, the way the ink felt on his skin. he tells you about his family, or lack thereof, and the way heās always felt like he had to be tough to survive.
and you listen.
you actually listen, nodding along, asking questions, offering small hums of acknowledgment. you donāt flinch when he talks about the harder parts of his life. you donāt look at him like heās a monster. you just sit there, patient and warm, and sukuna feels something crack open in his chest.
āwhat about you?ā sukuna finally asks, when heās run out of words. ātell me about yourself. the real stuff, not the student council president stuff.ā
you blink, and for a moment, your composure wavers. itās the first time heās seen you look anything less than perfectly put-together, and it makes his heart squeeze.
āi donāt know,ā you say, and thereās a hint of something vulnerable in your voice. āi feel like iām always the one people come to with their problems. i donāt get a lot of chances to just, you know . . . talk.ā
āthen talk,ā sukuna says, and he sincerely means it. āiām here. iām listening.ā
you look at him for a long moment, and then you smile, small and shy, and sukunaās heart melts into a puddle.
you tell him about the pressure you feel, the weight of everyoneās expectations, the loneliness that comes with being in charge. you tell him about your love for old movies and the way you stay up too late reading, and about the dreams you have that youāre too scared to chase.
and sukuna listens.
he listens like itās the most important thing heās ever done, because it is. he watches the way your hands move when you talk, the way your eyes light up when you describe something you love, the way your shoulders relax just a little bit, like youāre finally letting yourself breathe.
āiām glad youāre the one whoās been leaving those paper flowers,ā you say, and sukunaās breath catches once again. āi always wondered what kind of person would go to so much effort for a stranger.ā
āyouāre not a stranger,ā sukuna says, and his voice comes out rough and earnest. āyouāve never been a stranger. iāveāiāve been watching you for two years. not in a creepy way,ā he adds quickly, when your eyebrows raise. āi justāi see you. i see how hard you work, how much you care. iāve always wanted to tell you that. i just didnāt know how.ā
your cheeks flush; itās a tiny, barely-there pink, but sukuna notices it. he notices everything about you.
āwell,ā you say, and your voice is slightly breathless. āyouāre telling me now.ā
āyeah,ā sukuna says, and heās smiling, a real smile, one that crinkles the corners of his eyes. āi guess i am.ā
the silence between them is comfortable, warm, filled with something that feels a lot like possibility. and when you reach out and touch his hand, just a brief, feather-light brush of your fingers against his, sukuna feels like heās flying.
āthe camellia,ā you say softly, looking down at the paper flower. ādo you know what it means?ā
sukuna shakes his head, his throat too tight for words.
āit means gratitude,ā you say, and you look up at him, your eyes shining. āthank you for letting me see the real you, sukuna. and thank you for the flowers. i think this is the best gift anyoneās ever given me.ā
sukunaās heart is so full it feels like itās going to burst.
he doesnāt know what to say, he doesnāt know how to express the way heās feeling, so he just squeezes your hand and deeply hopes you understand.
and when you smile at him, soft and bright, he knows you do.
my ex gave me a paper flower the first time because he wasnāt sure if i was allergic to real flowers then it slowly became a habit & he kept making me paper flowers all the time (^^) sigh . . . i lowkey miss my ex now
dream first date with frat!kuna (shy!reader) pt.2 of this
never in a million years did you expect your first date to be at your favorite stationary shop. the owner was this adorable grandma that knew your name since you frequented her store often. itās where you shopped for all your pens, notebooks, and highlighters fromāplus any cute miscellaneous things that caught your eye.
sukuna picked you up at 3pm on the dot in his fancy sports car. you took note of the car brand to research later. it was the least you could do, he was taking you to a store that specialized in aesthetic stickers, which was totally not his sceneā¦but, you appreciated his effort.
the second you sat in the passenger seat, he handed you the wire for aux. āsurprise me.ā
crap, you werenāt sure what he would like. you've never really talked about music to get a good enough idea of what was acceptable to play around himā¦in his car too, mind you. you chewed your bottom lip anxiously and skimmed your playlist. you were taking way too long, but you didn't have even the slightest idea of what to play. you felt his eyes on you. he was probably confused on why you were taking five million years to play a single song.
"don't overthink it. just play what you like," he said. "i wanna hear what you listen to when you're making our study plans," he smirked at you. you froze. how did he know thatā¦
as if he could read your mind: "i've seen you, before our sessions, going through your practice problems and flashcards, headphones on and all. you're pretty thorough." oh. the thought of him watching you go over your session notes made you a bit self conscious. were you really that thorough? what a big word for him. how could he tell just by watching from afar? and why in the world was he watching in the first place?
"waitāso you just watch me like some stalker?" you teased him. you noticed the way the tip of his ears turned a blush pink. you had no idea teasing him had that effect on him. you needed to do it more.
"nah, i just so happened to come a little early and saw you already hard at work without me there." he scoffed, lips curving into an exaggerated frown. he pulled into a parking space and put the car in park. "it's okay though, you can make it up to me by putting me onto ball at this store."
you sighed dramatically and pretended to think about it. "hmm, i guess i could. you know, charity work is good for my applications," you shot back with a huge grin on your face.
he gaped at you and you smirked. corny teasing did the trick it seems like. though, he didn't expect you to come up with something so quickly. but you were smart āyou were his tutor for goodness sakeāso he needed to step his game up.
"oh, so you've got jokes now?"
"i've always had jokes, you just weren't smart enough to comprehend them." you blurted out. you clasped your hand over your mouth. was that too far? the charity work joke was light, but you basically just called him dumb. and he wasn't. at least, not really? you contemplating folding and apologizing profusely so he didn't think you were a jerk, but his grin only grew wider.
"yeah well, luckily, i have you now."
the air in your lungs thinned as your heart thumped rapidly. it was like it was threatening to explode. it's moments like these where it didn't matter how clever you were. his wordsāplain to the naked eyeādug deep, stunning your fast tracked mind into absolute shock. he said them so simply, like he was merely just stating facts, but they were so much more to you. they hinted that he possibly thought of you in That way and you weren't delusional. at least, not completely.
"yes, yes you do." you quickly looked away, flustered at just his words once again, and reached for the car door.
"hold on." he said abruptly. you shot him a puzzled look as he got out of the car and jogged over to your side of the car. the way your eyes widened when what he was doing dawned on you made he only made his smile grow bigger as he opened the car door.
ājesus woman, it looks like your eyes are about to pop out of their sockets.ā
you blinked rapidly at him before getting out of the car. you cleared your throat to buy yourself sometime to recover. of course you sold the bag by being a dork over him opening your door. but you couldnāt help it. you liked how he was with you. it was sweet and made you blushā¦like excessively. it was bad.
āthank you,ā you mumbled softly as he closed the car door shut. he shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. āno big deal, just doing what every guy should do.ā he took in your flustered state with a quick glance. āiām guessing this might be the first time in a while?ā
āfirst timeā¦ever.ā you corrected him, voice barely above a whisper. your dating life was pretty much non existent considering the fact you were too afraid to talk to people and you were convinced that you were reading too much into things half the time. sukuna was the exact opposite, having his fair share of girlfriends. youāve heard some of the stories too. how close they got was a stark contrast from what youāve done.
āhow am i doing then?ā he asked, a little to confidently. your embarrassment dissolved as you crossed your arms. ānot bad, could be better.ā you teased him again. he didnāt make you feel bad about it. you were glad, you were sure the shame would swallow you whole if he had.
āyes maāam,ā he replied. he gestured to the store. ātime to step into my mastermind tutorās world.ā
you scoffed and walked up to the store door. āthis is my safe haven. thatās a better way to put it.ā
he opened the door and held it for you. āwaitā¦does that mean iām special?ā he raised an eyebrow as he waited for you to walk in. he followed behind you and waited patiently, expecting a response. by default, he was special. youāve never done anything remotely close to this with any of your other peers you've tutored with. but would pointing that out water down how monumental this truly was? itās your first ever date. youāve watched enough romcoms to have high expectations, and he wasnāt doing too bad. you decided right there and then to take a leap of faith.
āi suppose you could say thatā¦ā you trailed off. okay, you never said it was a big leap. he grinned at you, but his attention shifted as pam approached the two of you.
āiāve been wondering when youād come back to visit me,ā she squealed. āooo, and you brought a guest? my, my, my, isnāt he handsome? whoās this?ā
you wished for a way to disappear. you forgot how strong of a personality she was. youād been needing to warn sukuna, though he seemed to be eating it up.
āyouāre too kind,ā he replied with the fattest grin on his face. āiām sukuna, nice to meet you. and you are?ā he asked, extending his hand out.
āpamela. but you can call me pam,ā she took his hand with a wink. she turned to you, smile still huge. āyou have excellent taste, iām proud. you look so cute together.ā
āthanks pam,ā you mumbled, embarrassed out of your mind. she was adorable, yes, but there wasn't anything crazy going on here. you didnāt want to scare him off. āiāve missed you. i had to cut myself off, i was draining my bank account.ā
she laughed and shook her head. āoh honey, donāt worry. iām just glad to see your face again. now,ā she clasped her hands together. āanything you have in mind? i received a new shipment of pens and stickers if any of you needed someā¦ā her eyes darted between the two of you.
you shook your head. āoh, itās okay. heās looking for the same highlighters i use actually, thatās why weāre here.ā
āalright, then iāll leave you two to it!ā she exclaimed, disappearing as quickly as she appeared.
you turned to sukuna with a small smile. āsorry about that, sheās a bitā¦ā you hesitated. you werenāt sure how to explain it. excited you had a āboyfriend.ā he wasnāt anything of the sort.
āwhat? no i loved her. sheās funny.ā
you tilted your head at him. āokay, just making sure. letās go find the highlighters.ā
you led the way to the infamous corner where she had her highlighter display. infamous because itās where a lot of your money has gone. not only did it have highlighters, it had stickers, pens, and bakery themed erasers⦠your weaknesses. you kept your eyes zeroed in on the highlighters. you were out of mysterious sources of income, so you couldnāt afford to go ham.
ālo and behold. the savior of my grades. now i definitely wonāt get kicked out of college.ā he reached out to grab a packet, but stopped abruptly. āwaitāwhy are there so many different versions, what the hell??ā his eyes scanned the rows. āpastel rainbow. pastel pink. pastel cotton candy, pastelā¦ā he listed off. āi just want the one you have, holy crap.ā
you snorted. he couldnāt be serious. āi have several of these actually, so just pick your favorite. odds are i probably already have it.ā
he sighed. āitāll take forever to pick one. pastel sunset, pastel gelato,ā he muttered under his breath and started to search. a soft laugh bubbled out of you from the sight of the fraternity leader going crazy over pastel markers. youāve truly seen it all.
in the corner of your eye, you saw a display you havenāt seen before. you walked up to got and almost gasped. it must be the new shipment pam had mentioned earlier. stickers and pens galoreāthey lined the shelves and your heart broke into too. they were so adorable. you wanted them all. too bad your bank account wouldnāt be able to take it. it was a stationary geekās wet dream.. your wet dream. you just stared in awe, taking it all in. you didnāt notice sukuna spearing behind you, arms full of aesthetic highlighter packets.
āthese are so you,ā a voice said behind you. you spun around to see the pink haired man siding you carefully. āiād definitely see you having these things. this pink vomit.ā
āyou say that while having pink hair,ā you pointed out, slightly annoyed. this idiot.
āā¦good point.ā
you both laughed and shook your head at his stupidity. āiām joking, i love your pink vomit, itās much better than mine.ā he gestured to the packets in his arms. āso, whatās it gonna be?ā
āhuh?ā
he nodded to the display in front of you. āwhat do you want from there?ā
you waved your hands frantically, alarmed by his gestures ānothing, itās okay, iām just looking since she mentioned it earlier and all.ā you plastered a fake smile on your face, but somehow, he saw right through you
ābull. youāve been starring at it longingly the whole time i was getting the markers. pick what you want or elseāā he narrowed his eyes at you.
āor else⦠what?ā you challenged him.
āiāll buy the whole thing.ā he said simply. it took everything in you to not laugh in his face. the only time he bluffed this hard was when he was sure his answer was right over yours during tutoring, and everyone knew how that ended. you were in shock. this was not first date behavior. this was a whole other beast.
āyou donāt believe me?ā
āā¦not really, no,ā you admitted. who would?
without a word, he turned and marched to the cash register. you followed, hot on his heels, absolutely terrified of how this would play out.
āpam, sweet pam,ā he started off. you rolled your eyes. āwould you please encourage her to pick something from the new display that she likes. she wonāt stop eyeing it.ā
pam peered over her reading glasses. āwell, of course! let him spoil you. and me too," she giggled. "i'm just joking, no pressure on either side."
sukuna glanced at you over his shoulder. "take your pick."
maybe he wasn't bluffing. frankly, all of this was ridiculous and unserious. you walked back over to the display, dragging your feet. you grabbed a restock of stickers and made your way back to the cashier's counter.
sukuna swiped his card with the biggest grin on his face. you pouted, but the second you said goodbye to pam, you thanked him.
"thank you so much...even though you basically peer pressured me into doing it." you said half jokingly.
he unlocked the car and shrugged. "you constantly set time aside to take care of other people to make sure they succeed, including me, so you deserve a treat for yourself. there's no need to thank me, don't be ridiculous."
he opened your car door and you scrambled to get in. as he started the car you just sat there, processing what he said. he wasn't wrong, but you didn't want him to feel obligated to do this. to feel like he owed you. you tutored people because you genuinely liked helping themāand the subjects too of course.
"thanks 'kuna, that means a lot," you started, reaching to buckle your seatbelt. "but i don't want you feel like you owed me a favor back or anything. i love our sessions, they are fulfilling enough." you reassured him. you played with your hands in your lap, anxiety bubbling in your stomach.
he furrowed his brows and frowned. "i did it because i want to. i know how badly you wanted them too, you aren't slick," he shook his head, "maybe we just, you know, enjoy each other's company and wanna see the other happy?"
you pressed your lips together, eyes widening at his words. you nodded slowly before looking away and he laughed. "okay, rate our first date?"
he actually called it a date. you didn't expect that. sure it was pretty obvious, but still...it felt good to hear.
"10/10!" you beamed at him.
he smirked, pleased with himself. "i agree. now, the real question is... is your playlist 10/10?" he handed the wire over for the second time today and this time, you grabbed it with confidence. you weren't as self conscious around him as you were earlier. you had fun today. you already put him on one today, might as well add to the list.
"be prepared. you heard pam... i have excellent taste"
he laughed and the two of you jammed out all the way back home.