inactive.

noromo. 23. she/her. mikaela.

[carefulfears]

[silo1013]

i started up a substack where i plan to repost a lot of the meta/analyses i've done here, rewritten in a more coherent, detailed, and professional way. here's the article i've done for the red and the black

[carefulfears]

strength: the way mulder advocates for the people no one else would. ruby in conduit, lucy in oubilette, marty in mind's eye are some of my favorites.

and the vulnerability & care he shows them and their families when they're still there :( always reaching out his hand

how about strength as not being afraid to be the crazy and stupid one so that they can all be believed

[carefulfears]

omg hey can’t believe you’re back! i was just going through your old posts a while ago, you’re so missed 🫶🏻

aw this is so nice to hear 😭😭 i like to check up on this account when i remember but tbh i have been coming back to it a lot lately. i really miss the version of me that wrote here and existed here but i don’t miss how mean people were. though i am feeling more and more pulled to come back. this was such a sweet message i really appreciate it, thank you for taking the time to reach out and for still reading the stuff i did here that’s crazy 😭😭 much love

[carefulfears]

“mulder subverted masculinity by being the illogical believer” actually if there was any subversion of masculinity in mulder it was that he was nice. like just a very nice person.

[carefulfears]

this new duchovny amazon series is so fucking bad……love & light to everyone

[carefulfears]

thoughts on the ways scully relies on mulder? (irresistible, elegy, all souls, revival)

ya'know i think sometimes about that shot in redux ii when she's in the hospital bed and he's leaving for the hearing and she might not live long enough to ever see him again and she won't let go of his hand. like she's in tears and she just clings onto every finger of his hand. and it's so not the brave first mate thing to do, it's so not the ahab and starbuck thing to do. it's so not her mother sending her father off to war. it's just purely dana scully and she's small and sick and sad, she's scared. the perfect first mate would shepherd on. would prep for the hearing and support the mission and fall back. put on a face and send him off to battle. and it's selfish in a way that i'm always so fascinated by with scully, in the way that i find the depth of her desire and understanding and myopia fascinating. she's refusing to pretend, at the end, that she's going to be alright, the way she has been pretending for him. and in elegy she said that she's kept working because she needs him. because she "relies on" his passion, he's "a great source of strength" for her- the implication being that she has to work from her deathbed to get it. which is true. and she does. she chases monsters while her body disintegrates and she puts on the brave face and she tells him that she's fine and she prays he believes it. but when it's all stripped down, and it's really just her with nothing left, and she's dying alone- she just wants to hold onto him. she doesn't want to die without him there. she doesn't want him to be alone. she doesn't want there to be no time left with him. and so even though it's not what by her every standard she feels that she should be doing, she clings to him. she reaches for more, more, more. and anyway that's kind of how i think about scully needing mulder in that she can curate everything into these boxes and roles but it doesn't begin to encompass what she wants out of this world.

[deathsbestgirl]

[carefulfears]

thinking about the extraordinate ways that scully shows love…things like staring at a killer and saying with absolute conviction that the man you were looking forward to working with will be met with nothing unkind when he dies. like asking someone you’ve never kissed to make babies. like sobbing to your baby, seventeen and a stranger, that you’re so sorry he doesn’t know his father. like holding a dead man’s hand for days when science says he can’t feel it. like writing deathbed pleas in spiralbound notebooks: don’t stop, don’t blame yourself, don’t go lonely. like carving open a woman that you’ve never felt was full of anything. that you’re not surprised suffocated in ash. like needing to hide so much but throwing your robe off on day one. like picking up the nothing you have left and running.

[deathsbestgirl]

[carefulfears]

so i asked you once about what you think the heart of californication is, and i know you've technically talked about this already but...what do you think is the heart of the x files? why do you love it so much and (like me) think it's a good show?

that the show is extremely honest and doesn’t try to shy away from or hide the often difficult realities of the world and what being alive in the world or a woman in the world or a victim in the world etc is really like, and at the same time, centers mulder and scully as “light in dark places” and steadfast believers. i couldn’t be less interested in utopian storytelling or pretending that these difficulties aren’t true or shouldn’t be portrayed on screen, i want to see something that feels real and honest to me and to my experience, and what gives it heart is this rooted value of people loving people in the middle.

[carefulfears]

what are your favorite david lynch works?? i can't believe the first i'm watching is twin peaks in my 30s

all of them 😭 he’s never made anything i haven’t loved. fire walk with me is my favorite, probably the most empathetic film on sexual abuse i’ve ever seen (and i’ve seen a lot. i really search for stories that i can relate to in areas that feel isolating). after that is wild at heart, lynch always described as being about “finding love in hell.” i think that’s one of the most emotional and hopeful things we can focus on right now, love in hell. inland empire was strangely my first of his feature films and it scares the shit out of me which just makes me feel closer to it, that it can affect me in ways that nothing (outside of lynch) ever has. i think it’s truly just a really amazing accomplishment that i’m glad someone made. the straight story makes me cry for 24 hours after watching and it’s perfect, lost highway fascinates me. those are my absolute favs but i love it all.

[carefulfears]

i will literally delete this whole acc so x-files fans can’t repost and screenshot my fucking writing while simultaneously talking shit about me constantly idgaf

[carefulfears]

Do you guys not realize that it literally feels like shit and so anxiety inducing for you all to talk about me like i’m not a real person that you don’t know because i used to write on tumblr which i dont even do anymore

[vyva-melinkolya]

[carefulfears]

i will literally delete this whole acc so x-files fans can’t repost and screenshot my fucking writing while simultaneously talking shit about me constantly idgaf

[deathsbestgirl]

i genuinely think fox mulder is one of the best male characters ever. and it has so much to do with his love, care and empathy. the way he communicates and moves in the world. the way he treats scully, respects her, tries to support her. and all the time it seems like he's completely misunderstood. being called stupid or an asshole, sometimes for literally being a good guy! like for instance. why in the world would he make a move on scully after the situation with van blundht? how does not making a move on her make him stupid? i love him for that. scully is sick and dying and was just so fucking violated by a creep wearing her best friend's & partner's face? like i don't know that's so fucking weird to me and it is SO clear they aren't ready. they don't talk about it!! they can't even talk about what happened, or her cancer. mulder's too busy holding onto hope he doesn't have and supporting her the way she lets him, and she's too busy trying to stay strong for him & to "live with cancer" — it's so not the time. if he did, and then she lived, would he have been able to keep going? no. he runs in detour for a reason.

[calivco]

celebrating the life and work of david lynch today

simply had to sketch my favorite girlies from twin peaks <3

[iconicscullyoutfits]

vince gilligan thinks mulder is fundamentally good, darin morgan thinks mulder is fundamentally embarrassing, and chris carter thinks mulder is fundamentally jesus christ

[carefulfears]

thinking tonight about that quote from david lynch where he talked about how laura palmer was just supposed to be dead but when the series ended he was sad and in love with her and wanted to see her “live, move, and talk.” he literally brought her back to life to make her the object of her own story and show her to us and it makes me weep