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A Beautiful Mind

you play in a sandbox of unlimited toys

excite imagination

pursue answers

discover questions

a mind so beautiful makes me smile

you are like a child so curious

so incredibly intelligent

without end

your formula for youth

Which is the appropriate forum on tumblr to journal?

Observe Like a Snake

Observe yourself like a snake As if you don’t know who you are. And then challenge yourself continually to see how far past yesterday to continually experiment with the domains of your competence and your ability to increase that competence. The upper limit of that is proportionate to the effort you put in to it. The more that’s guided by the alliance of all possible visions, the alliance with all possible conceivable good, the more it’s accompanied by truth in speech and action, the more you will develop your potential and I believe that potential to be more unlimited in the upward direction than it is in the direction that leads people to the political and social hells that so often we inhabit. You have to be willing to undertake that as an adventure bc its a hell of a thing to bear that kind of responsibility. It takes a person out of themselves.

Jordan Peterson

Spiraling Down

Feel Acknowledge Be

Don’t replace push down dismiss

Opportunity

Alone

Mom said take care of yourself because it’s apparent that no one else will.

Are we all alone?

Are we all alone to the same extent?

People don’t initiate interactions?

Do I train people to ignore me?

Am I hanging around the wrong people?

Mom wants to pay Penelope to give her a manicure but Penelope doesn't want anything to do with that.

Mom expects to be treated like a queen but doesn't do anything to deserve it. Grandparents don't treat grandkids like paid help, they spoil them and do things for them that they like or buy things for them that they like and earn their way into their hearts.

Read Jordan Peterson rule 12

He refuses to read it. He’s not a fan. He won’t even do it for me. Makes me so so angry and upset.

Life’s not perfect

Things don’t always go your way.

Accept 90%.

Don’t try to change people.

He who casts the first stone.

Remember the traits that those others tolerate.

Catch him doing something right.

Things that make me sad

He shamed me when a bee stung me.

Kids have their faces to the device 90% of the day.

We’ll never have couple friends.

I want to withdraw from social situations to reduce the pain.

I hesitate to tell jo and Giana because they’ll give advise that doesn’t feel right.

India

Is it possible for a man or woman born in a society that does not truly respect women to fully renounce the principle?

Fighting

I lost it

I said things like You never ever ever...

I really just needed to tell you something and I forgot to open my mouth

The mean us erupted

You reminded me of all the times you did...

After awhile I saw how hurtful I was to you and felt sad

And two days later I said Are we okay and you said you figured I just needed to vent

When will I stop the insanity

Where You Aim Determines What You See

What one thing in my current life would and could I set straight? Self, I know we haven’t gotten along well. Sorry. I’ll try to improve. Is there something I could do in return for your cooperation? I might not do it well, but I’ll try.

Do this every day and give yourself the reward.

Today I want to not critique Bart. For my reward, I want to start planning for Scotland.

Lonely

We sit alone at spectator sports. Don the loud parent who keeps the ref in line, comments and he replies “it’s quieter here.” Marcia later comments how embarrassing her husband is and I reassure her he is fine. It’s my husband who is embarrassing. Everyone’s gone to cinco de Maya or Kentucky derby parties tonight even Sheryl’s 91 year old mother. My kids are all socializing tonight. As usual, we stayed home. “I’ve never seen anything like it. A sobriety checkpoint, huge numbers of cops, blah blah blah.” when I asked if he wanted to go out. Did it ever occur to you you could go out just not drink. Everything’s just an excuse to avoid people. I ran her forgotten item up to school and commented that I’m in charge of anything that involves interacting with even just seeing people. He asked who was a better painter as he was painting the front porch columns. He claimed he hates going into that school. It stinks. No, you hate people or are intensely fearful of facing them. Today there was a parent with a baby at the game. He warned that he has no interest in strollers and the whole baby scene. It was like a warning. “I raised my kids.” Like “I paid my dues”. He’s already preparing not to have to deal with in laws. I told him not to disengage with life. This is so painful.

That’s a thought. That’s unpleasant.

When you accomplish something and the new bastard who works for you gives you your next assignment.

When your coworker who hired both of you and you were the golden haired child til now agrees with him/allows him to get away with it/doesn’t realize what just happened.

When your boss invites your new employee to a meeting and not you.

When you can’t think of a single graceful way to say Fuck You.

Anxiety

She said to sit with it. I’ve been lashing out a lot lately. Really unacceptable behavior but it feels good. Mad at Chu, Mart. Feeling resentful that suddenly I’ve been replaced. The new hire is the fair haired boy. Chu was a pushover for two years. It was easy to convince him of anything. Then Dav told him to grow a set and now he disagrees with everything to show he grew a pair. Problem with someone who doesn’t have common sense, they don’t know a good decision v a bad decision. They waiver in the wind. They’re never principled. Nice to get my way for two years. But some intelligent debate would’ve been nice. Now every decision I included him on and he went along with, he knows nothing about. Suddenly he has amnesia.

My reaction to Mart is a pattern with me. A man who appears confident almost cocky but really nothing behind it. I can spot them a mile away. So I challenge them. And it’s not kind. Women are submissive because they fall for what he says because he seems like he knows what he’s talking about. I expressed myself and he made me wrong so that was it for me. My ugly side came out. I noticed his crooked teeth and he just seemed like a wimp.

Just gonna sit back and watch. Let someone else be in charge. Let them try to fix things. Good luck to them. I’m no longer accountable. Yippee. He makes more than me. Why should I act like an owner, someone who cares? I’m just another employee collecting a paycheck. This is what they do to people. Can’t believe Dan badmouthed Linda. She gave her blood sweat and tears for the acquired company. Now she’s just being used.

She said

When I’m with you I’m more critical of people. When I’m alone I don’t feel pressured to talk.

#therapy #rawemotion #is this normal #hurtfulorhelpful #hurt

Tumblr is not Intuitive

Three days to post my first emotion. Frustrating.

#Frustrating #notintuitive #nonintuitive #newbie

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