Top 5 Good Stuff and Top 5 Shit Bits of my latest Melbourne trip. Hey, I’m early for my flight, so that’s what happens. (You seemed to like the Sydney one, so I’m doing it again)
Top 5 Brilliant things about Melbourne:
1. Autumn – I left Brisbane and it was 36 degrees with 96% humidity. In other word, the outside was the same as the inside of a god damn Bikram Yoga class. In late MARCH – supposedly Autumn. I arrived to a land of ‘cool in the shade, pleasantly warm in the sun’ natural and normal Autumn behavior. Gotta love a city that has different seasons and allows you to wear the cardigan your sister insists you pack whenever travelling interstate.
2. Coffee – it’s cheap. Even the fancy coffee that takes 3 smug hipsters to drip filter, cold press and ethically sustain it’s way into a take away keep cup is cheap.
3. Trams – they are fun and easy to figure out. Unless you’re driving, then they seem to instigate a set of weird turning rules I will never fathom. I best not ever drive in Melbs.
4. Fashion – my work uniform in the world of arts administration is pretty much black on black. With some black leather shoes and black bag thrown in to complete the depressing, invisible seeking ensemble. Melbourne appreciates this and embraces it with its weather and general nod to long sleeves and pants. Bliss.
5. Wine – Melbourne knows how to put on a good house wine. I didn’t have a bad one in 4 days (and I tried like 8, oops). Brisbane seems to use the term ‘house wine’ as a way to charge money for terrible gift bottles they receive from office Christmas parties and disgruntled wine reps.
Top 5 Terrible/Yuck things about Melbourne:
1. People from Melbourne* - Please note, you are not the only city in the world. You aren’t even a state! Relax, we’ll like you just fine for other reasons (see above), stop wearing your Melbourne-ness like armor against the rest of us.
2. Airport – it’s a million miles from the city. And I’m sure we’ve all been tempted by the ‘other’ airport with the cheaper airfares when booking flights online but is actually NOT in Melbourne at all but says it’s Melbourne. Rude.
3. Daylight savings – as per my Sydney trip, this is weird and I don’t like it for more than the token fun times it represents on Day 1 of the trip.
4. Fashion - if I tried to dress like a native Melbourne person I would inevitably look like I had rolled on my bedroom floor and emerged with whatever mess stuck to me. Melbourne has boho ragged down to a fine art. Luckily, they accept all fashion types and the artsworker chic I offered up was a-okay.
5. AFL – if it weren’t for a number of Melbourne teams I’m sure my little Brisbane Lions would do an overall better job. (Mainly wrote this one so folks like Timmy Dashwood have a shit fit and Janet McDonald laughs, hard.)
*Yes, this is a broad generalized and awful statement (the blog is supposed to be funny. Calm down.) Would it help if I said all people from Brisbane are backward bogans? Fine, done.
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