If anyone needed a reminder why queer men of size so often have distain towards apps like Grindr, see above. And it doesn’t stop at size. This goes for queer men of color as well as femme men. THIS is why Grindr profiles that discount everyone who’s fat or femme or non-white are problematic and offensive. It’s people like this bro that make the queer community unwelcoming and even unsafe to people who don’t fit a mold as to what is “attractive.” Sometimes it feels like, at best, we’re a fetish; at worst, just an objectified hole to get them off so they can go to sleep.
Luckily, I’m a fat man who can take it in stride and I really do love my body so these things have a way of bouncing off. But it took me a long time to get there and no many people aren’t. For someone else these messages could have been dangerous to receive. (I was really proud of the “dick in the sea” comment, tho.)
Lastly, a lot of people try to place the blame on Grindr or hookup culture itself. That is the last thing I want to do. A healthy sex+ environment is something hookup culture can foster. Furthermore, sex is, or should be, fun for those of us who wish to have it. So. (Also, I live in South Georgia. Where else am I gonna meet other gays on a regular basis? Church? Nah. Grindr is honestly so important for that.) This is to call out the “masc4masc” “no fats, no fems, no blacks” that fester in the environment of Grindr.
Anyway. I’m done. Just remember folks. You’re beautiful. You’re valuable. Your body or skin or demeanor (or all of them!) is beautiful! Don’t let some bitter bro on Grindr make you think otherwise.
