Carnival Cuts Co.

Ethically sourced clown meat

[carnival-cuts-co]

We’ve been selling to more distributors recently, and I was so happy to see our product actually in a physical store today! Our community is growing, and I’m happy Carnival Cuts can provide this service guilt-free 💕

[clownrancher]

I will admit it’s difficult to find buyers for this product these days, considering all of the poaching happening and bae media but I’m glad to see your buisness has a new income source coming in. Hopefully those clowns were processed well and healthy in all senses. They do seem well cut I do admit.

[carnival-cuts-co]

Thanks so much for your support! We definitely have also been taking a hit from the wave of negative press lately, not to mention an overall stigma around clown meat. I can assure you that our clowns live out their best lives and we take great care to not cause them discomfort.

[carnival-cuts-co]

We’ve been selling to more distributors recently, and I was so happy to see our product actually in a physical store today! Our community is growing, and I’m happy Carnival Cuts can provide this service guilt-free 💕

[itwasrevealedinadream]

Clown meat should be prepared by highly experienced professionals only!! Clown products contains several toxins that are harmful for humans so please restrain yourself to a daily portion of maximum 2 slices per person. This slightly varies depending on what kind of clown meat is being sold, but I'm just listing the lowest number of slices per day just to be sure. Please check your labels and your government sanctioned laws on clown meat consumption and DO NOT GIVE CLOWN MEAT TO CLOWNS!!! Also check in with your dietitian before consuming.

[carnival-cuts-co]

This.

To add to that last bit, I just want to reinforce that you should NEVER feed clowns clown meat. It can result in horrible prion diseases, much like mad cow disease having roots in feeding cows beef.

Thanks for the PSA!

[carnival-cuts-co]

Some people might get upset about the implications of our business.

But clown farming doesn’t have to be an inherently evil thing.

People eat chickens, cows, pigs, and more, all while those animals suffer immensely to reach your plate. You might think that we operate just as those industries do, but I assure you this is not correct.

Here at Carnival Cuts Company, we value the lives of clowns of all shapes and sizes. They’re truly magnificent creatures. We breed them here on our own farm, we feed them only the highest quality, and they get plenty of exercise. Our clowns are free range, with 672 acres to roam at their leisure, but we also provide cozy barns throughout the property for our clowns that require some more structure.

I first tasted clown in 2008. My grandfather’s harlequin, who had lived to an incredibly old age for the species, passed. And he did something most peculiar. He cooked him for me. The taste was immaculate. It can’t be compared to another flesh. At first, I felt guilt in the pleasure I had from this meal. But then I felt grateful. This clown had lived a beautiful life, and it was giving us one last gift. The very essence of its being.

We try to honor this idea within Carnival Cuts Co.

Farming clowns is not evil. It’s natural. They are beasts and so are we. It is the order of things, and it doesn’t have to be cruel.

Thank you for reading.

See you soon,

Carnival Cuts.