BlankDiary

An enigma...Gave up trying to figure myself out...Good luck if you wanna try.

[carolemellie]

Life!

It’s been a while since I’ve passed by these corridors. I have been avoiding them. Life has lately had me juggling a dozen balls on a unicycle. Trying to hold it back has been getting harder by the day. If it isn’t work, it’s another thing. It keeps piling up. My edges are frayed. I’ve been operating on fumes. I know burnout has my name in blocks if I don’t pause. There are people depending on me…

[carolemellie]

Oh Fucking Yeah!!!

Just got back from the grind He ‘s slouched in the driver’s seat of his car The mysterious neighbour we occasionally bump into each other In the lift or at the parking lot I don’t really know his name I know that we both leave for work early He’s smoking a blunt and drinking beer That a blunt? I ask the obvious question Do you want a puff? He goes I nod yes and finish parking with his…

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[carolemellie]

Shut Up And Come to me

Your eyes hold the galaxies I’m lost in them I try to pull my gaze away But I’m magnetized You make me tremble Without even touching me I know it’s not love It’s lust, we both know it You’re too good to be true And I like that delusion It gives me something to hold on to Especially in the mundanity of daily life I feel your touch from your gaze I drink you in across the table The…

[carolemellie]

Born Burning

I’ve walked through hell barefoot with nothing but my own spine.You were never storm enough to drown me.Never force enough to break me.And my crown doesn’t slip,I was born burning. I don’t mix up intensity with destiny.You weren’t a storm I couldn’t handle.You weren’t fire I was scared to touch.I’ve stood in worse, empty-handed,and still walked out breathing flames. I don’t fall for echoes.You…

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[carolemellie]

Maybe it's all in my mind

The funny thing is—we seek each other out.Like clockwork.Same town? Same rhythm.A message.A coffee.A smirk.Always something left unsaid,and always something that doesn’t need to be. Maybe I’m imagining it.Maybe she’s just being polite.Maybe I’ve romanticized the silence between her words. But that feeling?It never went away. She still shows up in my thoughtslike a song I never meant to…

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[carolemellie]

Near-miss in slow motion

It’s been years.Lives built.Names changed.Photos on walls that don’t include each other.We did what we were supposed to do. But when we meetaccidentally, deliberately, doesn’t matterit’s there.Still.Alive. She looks at me like a storm she never survived.I look at her like I’ve already forgiven the ruin. We talk like nothing happened.Nothing’s happening.Nothing ever could. But every word is a…

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[carolemellie]

Unfinished Business

We all moved on.Married.Built lives in other cities, other rhythms.We played grown-up—did it well.Photos, holidays, rings.Love, maybe.Stability, definitely. But when I see her,by accident or fate or something crueler,everything tilts. Her eyes meet mine,and the air shifts.Thick.Unspoken.That same fucking pull,like gravity’s playing favorites. She smiles.I nod.Polite. Cool.Two women with too…

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[carolemellie]

Tell me again how you’re not mine.

She was still here.Lying on her side,legs drawn up,eyes on the ceiling like it had answers. The ring on her finger was mocking both of us,but I didn’t mention it.Didn’t look at it.Didn’t need to. I already knew how this ended.It always does.She leaves.Eventually.But not before saying things like,“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”or“I don’t know who I am with you.” I stayed quiet.Lit a…

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[carolemellie]

The Things We Say When No One’s Listening

The city was still doing its thing—cars, chaos, noise.But in here? It was quiet.Her breath.The soft clink of her ring against the wine glass.That’s it. She was on her side, one leg thrown over mine like her body knew where it belonged.Not performance. Not posing. Just presence.That space where the body finally relaxesand the truth starts to speak. “I always thought I had to perform,” she…

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[carolemellie]

Aftertaste

She Was Still Glowing….Still flushed.Barefoot.Wearing my oversized shirt like it was her name she was draped in.That smirk said it all:You did that.And she was right. The cigarette was done.Mirror fogged and cleared.But the heat?Still clinging to the room like it had nowhere else to be.Like it knew we weren’t done. She walked into the kitchen like she built it.Like every tile had her print.And…

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[carolemellie]

Beautifully Unraveling

I led her to the mirror.Not because I needed to see,but because she did.Because sometimes, the most intimate thingis watching yourself unravel in someone else’s hands. I pressed her palms flat to the glass.Let her feel the cool stingbefore the warmth of my body swallowed her whole.I kissed the back of her neck like it was mine,not possessive.Intentional. “Keep your eyes open,” I whispered.Not…

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[carolemellie]

Arched- Like Instinct

She was already waiting for me,wine in hand,hips to glass,the city below clueless to what was about to unfold. She didn’t flinch when I stepped in behind her.Didn’t ask what I wanted.She knew.The air between us thick with smoke and something older than shame. I took the glass from her hand, slow.Set it down.No words.Just my breath against her neckand my hand trailing that sweet curve from…

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[carolemellie]

I Would Worship You So Sinfully

I wouldn’t kneel.No.I’d arrive with intention,slow,deliberate,with the kind of gaze that turns silence into consent. You’d feel itbefore I even touched you, caress youthat heat,that hum,the weight of a woman who knows exactlyhow to adore what’s forbidden. I’d trace reverence along your spinewith lips that never learned restraint.My prayers would be whisperedagainst the hollow of your…

[carolemellie]

She Came Back Hungry

I didn’t just walk away.I ran my fingers through the ashes,licked the soot from my lips,and moaned. Because I wasn’t just surviving.I was starving—for breathfor bloodfor the version of me who didn’t flinchwhen the world called her too much. I was not born to be digestible.I was born to taste like thunder,to make peace tremblewith how holy I’ve made my rage. I used to trade softnessfor…

[carolemellie]

Veldera

We did not come here to shrink.We came barefoot,ankles stained in ash,carrying fire in our mouthsand softness in our palms. We built this worldfrom the bones of burnout,from the sighs of womenwho were told to smilewhile dying inside. We are not smiling.We are sovereign. Here,the clock bows to the body.The grass is gospel.The rivers remember your namewhen the world forgets it. We write our…

[carolemellie]

Not a Feast

They told me to be soft —but didn’t mean safe.They meant open.Available.Edible.A feast they couldpraise or pillageand leave behind. But I am no feast.I am a flame. I have learned to smile with my mouth,not my soul.To offer warmth,not entry.To hold out my tendernesslike river water cupped in stone hands—beautiful,untouchableunless you come clean. I no longer beg to be seen.I watch.I weigh.I let…

[carolemellie]

Dying in Installments

I don’t remember the first time I started dying—maybe it was when they called me “the responsible one”and handed me the weightwithout ever checking if my spine had grown in yet. Since then, I’ve been crumbling quietly.Piece by piece.Expectation by expectation. I was a child when I became their anchor.Braiding my sister’s hair with handstoo tired from carrying my mother’s sadness.Soothing…