My sleeping patterns have been incredibly whack lately, sleep paralysis and all
It calls for a different name or title for this blog - and I'm sure it would apply to a lot here also haha!
I should make this my introductory post too...
I'm Carrotty! Or to make it easier, CS. Expect a lot of the word "work" on this blog.
My posts would mostly include MILGRAM or anything dark and psychological (tread this blog with caution!) I try to draw too but life just gets in the way so I mostly just check in and ramble (...again about work).
Anything else about me well, I guess you can check through #this is creator by the way, as that's my tag for life and personal stuff. #csartworks for my franchise related art. My top tag for sure is #the ramblings of a mad lad.
A commemorative artwork mainly for my own self, featuring Constantine plus his little story!
There's this so called "monster" that visited my dreams every month or so back then, and usually I find a way to escape it. I'm pretty sure it's just my mind connecting certain dots that make things make sense which is how she came to be, but a deep part of me believes it's someone I've been grieving, and that manifested and mixed itself into something hideous from everything ugly I've experienced in the past connected with "her".
I always considered that woman who should have existed instead of me as "my sister", someone who helped protect me from everything awful in that long past. Well, she left me eventually, and it hurt so I tried to bring her back in any way I can. I tried to bring her all the time to the point that she came to me in one of my dreams, crystal clear, but she looked horrible. This time, I didn't ran, and she didn't come after me. I saw her up close.
It wasn't her face that I focused on, it was the deranged state she was in. However terrifying she looked, she wasn't angry. Instead, she simply explained to me in that dream that her condition was caused by something, but I could never really pinpoint nor remember what she said.
Thinking back, I think she just wants me to let go.
Life has been pretty rough without her as I tried to make sense of the world. I don't know why it was me who was brought onto existence when it should have been her, because it has just caused me hell in return. I would've gone further down whatever else it could take to bring her back even if that hell took over my entire life, but I think... that dream was the call to at least put it to rest, for now.
I don't really believe in miracles, but it's pretty funny that I was given life on the 11th of November... 11.11, and yet nothing great seemed to have happened, not since her disappearance nor my appearance.
This time, I guess that's not the case.
I'll follow what you say, big sis. Please never forget to guide me.
Carrotty ramblings below!
Maaan well this one is pretty personal haha! My hand just started moving on its own when I started drawing, and I figured I'd share this one cause I'm pretty proud of it.
Constantine is a character that has lived on in my head for as long as I can remember. Him, along with his "sister", is a stand-in "solution" paralleling my own experiences. I think the context behind the texts will be understandable enough to those who intend to read cause this is really just a post to celebrate my own success in a way as I'm just screaming to the void,since past me thought my success (which is moving out and living alone) was going to be really really hard to achieve. Of course, I still got my guard up in case this success of mine gets taken away again, but for now like the text above suggests, I should allow myself to celebrate - So I did through this artwork, and many other stuff I'm going to do soon!
shout out to mutual who reblogged and liked all of my mikomappi posts like it was the end of the world. you are the best 😭 now i want to draw them again
Going back and forth to the laundromat while working on my stuff to pack to bring to my new apartomento after my shift is in fact, very time consuming and draining
