warrior's code

Carson Alexandra Finley Name's Carson. Most of the time I just get called Finley. Perks of being a boxer, I guess. Forever reminded of where I come from. Born and bred in Boston, Massachusetts, I was a household name til my senior year of high school, when I fell from grace. Just recently got my ass back in the ring, trying to clean myself up, get away from my past. "Wonder is the feeling of the philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder." - Plato Philoso-Boxer - Survivor - Warrior

[berryxez]

Home Sweet Home

[carsonfinley]

berryxez:

Ezra slid a hand into her hair, gently running his fingers through it as he laughed softly. It amused him that they’d both had the same thought about Rachel, and he loved the fact that they very often had the same thoughts about most things, not just Rachel but life and the world, the way things were and the way they should be. And they way they should be at the moment didn’t involve thinking about Rachel or sex, and certainly not Rachel and sex. Right now, it was about them, this apartment, and the fact that they were together. Ezra hadn’t felt so comfortable in a very long time.

“Purple for the bedroom, green for the kitchen… Maybe even a different green for the living room. Is that something that could look okay?” He wasn’t much of an artist, so he tried to imagine the room’s blending together from one green to another, like the ombre effect he’d seen pastry chefs apply to cakes. It could be interesting, even peaceful to do such a thing to their walls. “Even if we painted the cabinet doors, we could fix them up before moving out if there were any problems.” Looking toward the doors as they currently were, perfectly fine but a little worse for wear, he thought there probably wouldn’t be an issue at all, not if Ezra left them looking better than he’d found them. He thought again that he’d never been so comfortable, and this time he decided to say it. “Have you ever been so comfortable as this?” Holding her close, he rested his chin against the top of her head. “I haven’t… Not ever.”

Carson rested against him, just taking in the feeling of him, of being there, of being together. It still felt so odd, but it was a good kind of odd. It was the kind of odd that reminded her that she was alive and well and that she finally found someone who loved her for her mess. Someone who wasn’t perfect and didn’t expect her to be either. Who understood what it was like to battle with mental illness and addiction.They weren’t perfect, but fuck if they weren’t perfect for each other. 

“That could definitely work.” She could almost picture it in her mind’s eye and it would be easier once they picked the first shade of green for the kitchen. She hummed a bit as he talked about the cabinet doors. Honestly, the landlord had seemed a little excited when she’d asked, maybe it was because he wouldn’t have to pay for the changes. “This is very true.” 

Hearing that Ezra was comfortable made Carson smile. It meant that she wasn’t alone, that this wasn’t all one sided. Her depression tended to get the best of her, but being with him, it made it easier. He made her comfortable, made her feel safe. “No, I haven’t.” 

[berryxez]

Home Sweet Home

[carsonfinley]

berryxez:

Ezra laughed in response, nodding slightly as he replied through a chuckle, “And that’s what we’ll tell her if she asks us about it. ‘Didn’t you know? With a name like Karamel Sutra, how could it not be into bondage?” He knew Rachel liked vanilla best, the exact opposite of anything interesting sexually, and that made him wonder about her sex life with Quinn for only the briefest moment before wrinkling his nose. “Ugh, fuck… Jokes aside, I need to stop thinking about sex and my sister in the same neighborhood.” There was a corner off of the kitchen that seemed perfect for a bookshelf, still leaving room for a table they could sit and eat at, and he liked the idea of having morning coffee at that table, cooking Carson breakfast and easing into the day. It was a relaxing thought, being so domestic, something he hadn’t ever been certain he’d know how to do.

Looking at the kitchen walls, he thought green would be a great choice for the space. It would certainly be preferable to white, making the whole thing feel properly lived in, properly theirs. “Green it is… I think green’s good for a kitchen, especially if we picked the right one. A light green…” Pulling away just long enough to open one of the cabinets, he examined the door before closing it again, returning his arms to wrap around Carson’s small frame. “Do you think they’d care if I painted these? Or got new doors?” They weren’t exactly rolling in money, but Ezra was thinking ahead, to the things they could do in the coming weeks and months. The longer they lived together, the more projects he might come up with. “We’re going to make this the perfect home, I think.”

Carson grimaced, her own brain obviously going the same way as his, quickly burying her head in his chest. “Agreed. I don’t even want to think about sex, much less it anywhere in regards to your sister.” She groaned a little and shook her head. It wasn’t that she was completely against the idea of sex, she wasn’t, she just wasn’t comfortable enough to think of it in anything but the abstract, detached from her and her life. She’d slowly started to do less work on the phone lines since her and Ez had started getting more intimate, she just couldn’t do it. 

She nodded as he spoke. “So, purple for the bedroom, green for the kitchen, and blue for the living room. Or we might just continue the green into the living room. We’ll do the kitchen first and decide from there.” She hummed a bit, shrugging. “I don’t know, I can ask the landlord. Can’t hurt to ask. I mean, if we did get new doors, as long as we kept the old ones they shouldn’t have a problem.” Sure, they didn’t have a lot of money, but this was bound to be a somewhat long term investment, so Carson didn’t see a problem with putting money into it, to make it theirs. “I know we will.”

[berryxez]

Home Sweet Home

[carsonfinley]

berryxez:

“But it has to be a better lock than those ones Ben and Jerry’s put out a few years ago,” he said, wondering if Carson had seen those. “They were too easy to get into.” Though he’d loved the idea, a lock for the top of your pint, and most people probably wouldn’t realize you could easily cut through a carton with a serrated knife. Glancing back at the counter, he sighed as he said, “The books aren’t going to do well on the counter, are they? Not enough space.” Squeezing her a little as he hugged her close, he murmured, “Just have to find a new place for them. Valuable counter space can’t be wasted on books.”

He rested his chin against the top of her head, appreciating their height difference for just a moment as she talked about colors. The white was horrible, and he’d never lived in a place where they were open to letting you paint the walls whatever color you liked, so the idea of changing things appealed even just because it was something they could do. “I like purple,” he said, the thought of the cool color for their bedroom walls appealing. “And light green. Or blue. You’re better at this than me, I think.” If Ezra were painting things, they’d probably end up with every wall the same color, just not white. Carson had much better ideas. Looking down at her, he pressed a quick kiss to her lips, squeezing a little again as he nodded. “I can’t believe it’s real, but it’s also right… It feels right.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Maybe get like chains or something? So you can’t even really touch the carton? I mean, it might make it look like her ice cream is into bondage, but it’d be effective and also hilarious.” The idea amused her, especially because Rachel really liked vanilla ice cream. As he talked about his books she nodded a bit. “No, they aren’t. We’ll get you a book shelf or some shelving for them, okay? Something that’ll fit in the kitchen or dining space.” 

Carson enjoyed their height difference, it made her feel safe and protected. As he gave his input she smiled, trying to decide. “Maybe do blue for the living room and green for the kitchen and dining space? I mean, if you want a green kitchen, of course. We could always switch them, if you wanted. Up to you.” Carson hadn’t given what color the kitchen and dining areas should be much thought, simply because it was Ez’s space. At the kiss, she smiled up at him, loving the way it felt to just be there in his arms. “Yeah, it does.”

[berryxez]

Home Sweet Home

[carsonfinley]

berryxez:

“We could get one pint of Rachel’s favorite,” he offered. “And then put an elaborate lock on it, with a note that says, ‘Keep out, Rachel.’” Pulling a bookend out of the box, he set it on the counter before pulling out a few of his favorite books, placing them there as well and wondering if he might not be using up too much counter space keeping them in the kitchen. Maybe a bookshelf in another room would be a better spot for such things, even if they were kitchen-related.

Turning to face Carson, he nodded his agreement about the walls. “Like rehab… They’re really basic.” There was something really medical about a plain white wall, something that made a home feel like a doctor’s office or the room he used to do group therapy sessions in when he was detoxing. “Reminds me of AA… bleak basements, shitty coffee. We can do better.” He was certain Carson already had ideas for colors, and he’d help her paint the walls whatever she wanted, trusting her to make those choices. Throwing an arm around her and pulling her to his chest, he said, “Should we paint every wall or leave a couple of them white?”

She laughed at the idea. “Oh we totally should.” She loved the idea of messing with Rachel because not only was she Ezra’s sister, she was her best friend and any time she could mess with the other woman, she did. Carson watched as he pulled the books out, making a mental note to see about shelving or a bookcase for his cookbooks. She had thought to get one for her books, but forgot about his cookbooks. 

“It’s horrible.” Carson cringed at his descriptions, because they truly were accurate. “We certainly can. I was thinking we paint them all, but use like a light grey on the walls that could be left white, y’know?” Carson, admittedly, had a somewhat artistic eye, but mostly she just knew what she liked and what she didn’t. “I was thinking maybe a medium purple or a navy for the bedroom? Then something more lively for the living room, like maybe a light blue or green? Then maybe just do the bathroom in the light grey since we don’t really spend that much time in there anyway?” She looked up at him, cuddling further into his chest. “What do you think? I still can’t believe this is real, baby.”

[berryxez]

Home Sweet Home

[carsonfinley]

berryxez:

Ezra made quick work of nailing up the mezuzah, affixing it in the doorway as his first act of decorating their new place. He wasn’t the most observant Jew, but the mezuzah was something he’d always valued, a symbol of home and safety, a representation of what was an important part of who he was, despite his own questioning nature when it came to the existence of God. And he didn’t have to wonder if Adam wouldn’t like the nails in his walls. He’d seen a few as they’d moved in, carrying boxes and counting each time he spotted a new one, and it had made him feel secure enough in the fact that he could do what he wanted with their place. What they wanted.

When it came to decorating the inside of their place, Ezra trusted Carson. He had never been one for decoration, sticking with posters for bands he liked and the occasional family photo, but in general, he wasn’t the sort of person who knew what looked good and what didn’t, at least not where it came to putting an apartment together. Give him a plate of food and he knew he could make it look presentable, and he chose to busy himself in the kitchen, tackling a box of cookbooks he’d just retrieved from storage. The kitchen was most likely to be his domain anyway, and he thought about all of the delicious things he wanted to be able to make for Carson. Looking at the fridge that came with the apartment, he called out, “We’re going to need to fill this thing with ice cream. And not let Rachel come steal any of it.” It would be strange not to live with Rachel, but he thought he’d probably prefer it.

Carson couldn’t believe that they’d gotten an apartment together. Granted, it had been a weird deal with her friend. He had been a client but she was working with him in his sobriety and the pair were friendlier. While she had originally tried to convince him not to, he insisted on wanting to help her get her life together, which meant helping get her and Ezra an apartment. She stood in their living room, debating what she wanted to do with the space. It’d been a while since she’d even thought about decorating. In fact, her apartment at Safe Haven had been almost barren. She’d talked to the landlord of this particular place about what all they could do. Which was just about anything, up to and including, painting the walls. Sonny was curled up on the couch and she walked over, scratching him behind the ears.

When she heard Ezra call out about ice cream she laughed, heading into the kitchen. “Well, there’s that 24-hour grocers around the corner, so maybe we’ll hit it up for ice cream on out first 3 am run.” She smiled at him, shaking her head a bit, if only because her hair was up in a ponytail and it amused her. “So, I’m not the only who finds the color of the walls to be sterile and hospital like, right?” She asked, leaning against the counter. Carson hated white walls, they drove her crazy. They reminded her of being in patient and that wasn’t a time she wanted to remember. While she wasn’t one for bright colors, she had a few ideas of colors that would actually compliment the furniture they had, once again thanks to her friend and a couple trips to a local thrift shop. Carson had gotten all sorts of things for the apartment and on a minimal budget, which made her happy, but the white walls needed to go.

[notesonbeingalive]

[difficult]

Kiss me until I forget how terrified I am of everything wrong with my life.

(via difficult)

[carsonfinley]

theofficialrachelbcrry

I was referring to your clothes when i said The Walls of Carson, but I still apologize for making you think otherwise. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m glad that you’ve found a very patient man in Ezra. There’s a reason why he’s my favorite man in the entire world.

That doesn't make it better, at all. Like, he just hasn't managed to see me without a bra, or pants, for that matter... at least I think I was wearing pants when he found me on the bathroom floor... He's amazing, honestly. I don't deserve him.

[carsonfinley]

theofficialrachelbcrry

Well, you are dressed if you are in your PJs, so. I’m glad to know that my brother has yet to breach The Walls of Carson, but it’s something that I’d rather not hear because, you know me, my imagination is unnecessarily vivid and wild sometimes. Are you two going for the marriage before sex promise? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.

I meant in normal clothes. Please don't EVER refer to any part of my anatomy like that, again. No, I just don't like the idea of sober sex... so, as of right now, it may never happen. Like, we're working on it, if the making out is anything to go by, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm also not comfortable with him seeing my body like that.

[carsonfinley]

theofficialrachelbcrry

I’m only very much attracted to the word purple right now. I love yellow and all, as it is closely related to gold, but something about it just makes me a little … queasy, sometimes. Anyway – you go on 3 AM trips to the store in your PJs— … Carson. Are you pregnant?

In regards to bruises I agree, it's an unholy color. Yes, we do, because why get dressed? And also, there are significantly less people at the store at 3 am. He hasn't even seen the nipple piercing, much less anything lower, so no. Sober sex still isn't my thing, anyway, and I'm not breaking my sobriety anytime soon.

[lcighfck]

@carsonfinley

Hm… Is it just my very clear vision or is there a humongous hickey on your neck in this photo? What’s the name of the vampire, my friend?

[carsonfinley]

It's definitely still there, though it has turned a very fun yellow-purple. Not sure I'd call Ez a vampire, though we do almost have the nocturnal thing down... If our 3 am trips to the store in our PJs say anything.

[carsonfinley]

damn-it-dom-hummel:

All that sounds great for me, except for the part where we’re not going after the real problem.

Why should we?

[carsonfinley]

damn-it-dom-hummel:

You don’t even have to think hard to get there.

That’s okay. I think you need that.

No shit.

You realize how ridiculous you sound, just in general?

[carsonfinley]

damn-it-dom-hummel:

You realize that you’re, you know, responding to me, right? So it looks pretty stupid to keep claiming I’m not worth it.

Ah, but I’m not putting a lot of effort into it.

[carsonfinley]

damn-it-dom-hummel:

That’s probably because I will.

Oh?

[carsonfinley]

damn-it-dom-hummel:

Is this the one on Fourth? If it is, you’re gonna have to find somewhere else to fuck with the cashiers. I’ve already claimed it.

I prefer to think of it as “an idiot who is bound and determined to prove what is and isn’t possible.”

We’ve hit up a few, depends on our mood and how far we wanna walk.

Still doesn’t mean you’re not gonna break yourself in the process.

[carsonfinley]

rj-layton:

Do you like it? I mean… you probably do if you’ve stayed, but… I’m still trying to get a feel for the place. I don’t do a lot. Um… just write shitty poetry and play my cello. Though the cello’s not so much a hobby if it’s what I study, right? What about you?

It’s better than being homeless and I have friends here, so yeah. That’s cool. I draw a little, I box, I write about philosophy, and I read, but mostly I live on my couch and hang out with my boyfriend.