I wish I could fly;

Carter Pascal, a perpetually bewildered freshman at Marceline Academy. Hobbies include avoiding people and alligators, stealing cookies at midnight, and being fifteen.

[purrfectamelia-deactivated20141]

I literally haven’t caught a word you’ve said in the past minute or two. Hope it wasn’t important…

[carter-pascal]

Well this is working out well for the both of us, because I haven't been talking in the past minute of two.

[justcallmeangel-dollface]

"Okay then… I’m just going to go, shall I?"

[carter-pascal]

"I mean, no one's making you go... but no one's making you stay, either."

[miss-sallycarrera]

[carter-pascal]

What did I do?

[ofchampions]

“Excuse me, can you, ah—help me?” Straining on tiptoes, delicate fingers reached up for an item in the highest shelf, only just shy of grabbing it. “I can’t quite—reach.”

[carter-pascal]

liitlelady:

"I don't think I'm going to be much help in this situation..." He trailed off in a vaguely apologetic, somewhat sarcastic manner. "Do you want a chair?"

[carter-pascal]

chelsea-castillo:

You think the people in there care about the law? They don’t, that’s why they’re in there. They’d skin you first. Even people in there have no respect for people who steal sweets.

But I... I thought you couldn't have knives in prison? So they couldn't skin me. Right?

[bcu-taemi]

"A hundred percent committed. I’m the best when it comes to theft, especially food theft.”

[carter-pascal]

Wait... does that mean you've, like, stolen other stuff before? Stuff that's not cookies belonging to a school you're paying money to get food from?

[delaneyno]

"I can give you a few balloons in exchange."

[carter-pascal]

How many balloons are we talking? Like, one? Five? Two inflated, three deflated?

[chelsea-castillo]

Not even technically, it’s so illegal. Do you want to go to jail, punk? They’d eat you alive in there. 

[carter-pascal]

They're not allowed to eat people in jail. It's even more illegal than stealing cookies. Probably.

[wendybirdlost]

“And just how difficult would it be to get in on this cookie thieving action? Y’know—hypothetically speaking.”

[carter-pascal]

My standard cookie-theft-cohort application process requires a résumé, and a two-cookie handling fee. Due to the sensitive nature of this particular mission, though, I may hypothetically relax my standards.

[flickering-lights-callie]

That’s tons more things to do then that, but that’s a great way to spend your time kid.

[carter-pascal]

Yeah, but do these other things result in free cookies? 

[carter-pascal]

spoiledpixie:

“Ooh, cookies. Can I join in?”

Depends. How committed are you to the art of cookie theft?

[cole-hodson]

Or you could go to the store and stock up your room like every other weird freshman.

[carter-pascal]

But where's the fun in that?

[paradiseacademy-rp]

Cookie thefts take more than one person to pull off and I have nothing to do today. 

[carter-pascal]

Sorry, I only work with pre-vetted, experienced cookie thieves. If you want to submit a résumé for my consideration, I'll need a three-to-four-week processing time and a 2-cookie paperwork fee.

[delaneyno]

"Nobody is complaining… But  you gotta share with me."

[carter-pascal]

Yeah, but how do I know you're worthy of my dubiously obtained cookies?

[chelsea-castillo]

Stealing is illegal, you could get expelled and put in jail, you’d sit in there rotting for the rest of your teenage years. 

[carter-pascal]

I suppose that's true... stealing cookies from a boarding school with an exorbitant tuition, plus room and board, is technically illegal.

[carter-pascal]

I'm not saying there's gonna be a cookie shortage today, but it's a Monday and I have nothing to do but orchestrate a cookie theft.