Thanksgiving 2017
Thanksgiving is a time when people go around the table and say what they are thankful for. This is the hard part for me. Of course, I’m thankful for many things. However, I also carry a lot of guilt and shame. The one thing I definitely recognize is that I do not have as much guilt and shame this year as I did last year at Thanksgiving.
One year ago, I left my former employer to pursue a new career at a different company. I carried so much anxiety and guilt from that choice - Was I make the right choice? Was I not strong enough to carry on at that company? What did people think of me? What if I didn’t fit in at the new place?
However, I made that choice ultimately to improve my quality of life and my mental health. I was deteriorating and losing myself and my worth at work. I needed a change. I am happy to say I am doing much better than I was last Thanksgiving. Do I still have room for improvement? HECK YES. I’ve had a few lapses and bad nights. However, I am confident I can get through this. I want to be better. I want to believe in myself and be the best version of myself.
I also want to take a brief moment to talk about Michael. I lost one of my college friends this past September to suicide. I haven’t talked told any of my friends or family about it and I feel extremely guilty about that. I will write a different post about him because he deserves his own post.
I am thankful that I have a place that I can vent and just produce word vomit. I know my words matter, and the post might bump from idea to idea, but that’s okay. Thanks for reading.
