carvedcrimson

| Lee | 16 | Any Pronouns | Capricorn | ✧This is a safe space✧

[carvedcrimson]

If anyone is feeling generous, my cashapp is

$blueberribunni

xoxo carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

Days Clean: 1

So I'm starting over my count. I started it over last night because I ended up self harming. It's so hard when you aren't busy or lying in bed at night.

I took my first dose of Lexipro and i'm so groggy and dizzy at this point that i just laid in bed all day after I was forced to go to church with my family.

I'm hoping I won't get any of the negative side effects that anti depressants cause.

carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

I had my first Psychiatrist appointment today and luckily I like her. She was nice and straight to the point, but also patient with me. AND SHE CALLED ME PRETTYYYY! PLEASE! No one's ever called me that other than my immediate family, so I don't even take those seriously cause it's family you know?

But I was prescribed with Lexipro for depression, Hydroxizine for Anxiety, and Melatonin cause my sleep sucks. So hopefully I don't experience any intense side effects.

I also used ice today and brought it with me in a bad to use during my appointment so I could help ground myself and not get so anxious when talking with the psychiatrist.

My mom also let me get fidgets to use for school and stuff and I just ordered them so hopefully they come soon.

carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

Days Clean: 2

Today I did Mind & Body in program today.

I finished my book I FELL IN LOVE WITH HOPE by Lancali AND IT WAS SO GOOD i cried almost a million times and now i'm grieving the book and i'm sad i'll never be able to read it again for the first time.

I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow for the first time and i'm incredibly anxious for that. I'm going to be using one of my coping skills I learned from program. It's called TIP: Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced breathing.

So when it comes to my psychiatry appointment I will be using Ice for temperature to shock my nerves and ground me so i'm not so anxious.

I'll keep you all updated!

carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

Hello my beautiful people on this app who just happen to see my blog.

I want to let you all know that I'm doing well since i've started my Mood & Anxiety program. It's been difficult balancing that and doing school, but i'm being forced to go so i may as well make the most of it.

This has now become a recovery blog and I will be posting updates hopefully everyday.

So far I am 2, almost 3 days clean from any form of self harm. I'm learning new coping skills and trying to break out of my very thick shell that's stopping me from living the way I want to.

So yes i will still be using this blog as a creative outlet for my mental illness and all that fun stuff, but i will be using this blog as a kind of diary for those who want to see the kind transform through recovery and learning how to unlearn bad behaviors.

I know that I will have my rough days, my ups and downs and i will most likely relapse but i'm going to try. So follow along with me or just stick around for my journey. If you need advice i'll be your free therapist <3

carvedcrimson

[gayairdragon]

I want people to worry about me, but I also want to get so bad while nobody notices and just slowly rot away

[carvedcrimson]

me:

[carvedcrimson]

Guess what....

my parents are sending me to a day program at a facility for mood and behavioral disorders starting this week and only just told me yay! so fun!

They figured out that i was masking during my telehealth therapy appts and that i was lying to my therapist and deescalating my problems...

so now i'm gonna be too overwhelmed with school work because you can't do it there and the program is for 4 hours after school :)

I have my consultation on Wednesday.

carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

"Maybe I'm the problem..."

- TV by Billie Eilish

This song has my whole being. I relate to it so hard it hurts.

[carvedcrimson]

I don't think you should look at now you as less then, what drives us to start was the old us and that's not bad.

I hate how parents act entitled to their childs body and punish for their kid coping...

If you wanna break the pain cycle amazing but don't feel shame because there's nothing shameful about pushing though everything and living another day

Your strong to make it this far, remember that even if you trip there's people who'll hold you. Patch those scraps and tell you it's ok

Oh god, you're gonna make me cry. Thank you for your kind words doll, i appreciate you, as always <3

[carvedcrimson]

Everytime I speak or do literally anything, It's a small reminder of why I hate myself so much.

carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

TW: VENT

"I don't want to watch my daughter deteriorate and whither away!"

Gee, thanks dad.

Thinking on that I realize, I want to whither away.

I hate myself, what can't i just be okay?

They must hate me too, huh?

They miss the old me, well I do too.

carvedcrimson

[carvedcrimson]

TW: body

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Should I wear this to school tmr? (my school has no dress code)

[carvedcrimson]

You haven't been posting recently much :( how are you?

I'm doing fine darling x. I recently started school so I'm busy a lot during the week and I had to move into a hotel because my house needed construction done on it, so I haven't had much crime alone either since I'm with my family. It's really kind of you to check up on me love, I appreciate your concern. <333

[carvedcrimson]

Self-expression pics

TW: body

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[carvedcrimson]

ITS THAT TIME AGAIN!!!!

time to watch markipliers ENTIRE fnaf series!!!

[carvedcrimson]

shirt: target

pants: walmart

rings: thrifted & Romwe

shoes: converse

(ignore my crusty hands...)

[carvedcrimson]

Im ok, school is coming sep 7th qwq am so jealous cuz i miss my friends

Thanks good to hear, but appreciate the last bit of your summer darling, it's going to be over soon.