I just had to write something for @monobuu ‘s adorable art!
Crunching noises were coming from behind the couch. Undeniable, not a little creepy, crunching noises.
Sam picked up the nearest lamp and slowly peered behind the couch. Something came rushing out at him and he shouted, dropping the lamp. The creature skittered past him and leaped on to the counter top with surprising speed and grace.
It was a raccoon with a bag of cheesy poofs.
The raccoon chittered at him before sitting down and stuffing a bunch of poofs into its mouth with its creepy little hands. It gave Sam a challenging glare.
Tony appeared in the doorway. “What’s the ruckus?,” he asked, looking around. “Who broke another one of my lamps? That’s the second one this month.”
Sam’s mouth fell open, shocked that Tony was more concerned about the goddamn lamp than the raccoon sitting on his kitchen counter. Someone needed to catch the thing before it ate all their snacks and gave them rabies.
Then the raccoon pointed to him.
“Really, Wilson?” Tony raised his eyebrows at him, clearly unimpressed.
“Honey, I know it’s been a rough day, but taking it out on a whole bag of cheesy poofs might not be the best idea,” Tony said to the raccoon, which chittered back to him. “Okay, fine, it was my fault for giving them to you in the first place, but that was before JARVIS reminded me that junk food is really bad for raccoons. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”
With a bereaved sigh, the raccoon dropped the bag of poofs and held its arms out for a hug. Tony scooped it up and kissed its head.
“You know what? I’m not even going to ask,” Sam said, suddenly exhausted. He was going to go somewhere he didn’t have to deal with crazy billionaires and their raccoons.
amandla
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