Are you really blunt or just reactive?
Sometimes, in moments of discomfort and impatience we can't distinguish between the two. We point fingers and say, "You're being stupid! Are you dumb? Why can't you do this right?! What is wrong with you?"
Even worse, it's followed up with "Sorry (not sorry), I'm just being straightforward."
Hey Siri? Play All too Well by Taylor Swift 'cause he's so casually cruel in the name of being honest!
The atmosphere feels more tensed than before, and nobody could utter a single word. If POV: We're the subordinates in the situation, how would you feel? Often, we hear the anger directed at us and sometimes we can understand where that anger is coming from. We even say it's reasonable and come up with all justification meanwhile stuffing down the the ugly triggers inside.
Could be self-pity: 'Why am I so stupid?'
Could be defensiveness: 'What the F! Are you even perfect?' 'Who cares? Shut up.'
Whether we admit it or not, as subjects of verbal abuse, we do not feel encouraged after. Actually, we feel enraged. Manipulated (at least temporarily). We just choose either to bottle them all up or be dramatic (doing anything like shouting, smiling, spewing, slapping another--all except expressing the truth.)
I realized, inflicting pain like this to others or intentionally generating fear to a situation in order to get respect actually does the opposite.
We might get the immediate gratification of feeling power and control but then slowly lose the empathy of others towards us.
I say, it is easy to be reactive: that is to blame, criticize, judge or demand others in moments we feel disturbed. What is hard is to admit to ourselves what we really feel. In short, the truth.
What is hard is to be vulnerable in front of another.
The inner strength it takes to be vulnerable is the most gruesome to cultivate, but ultimately, the only form of honesty that matters.
"Casten, are you saying i'm reactive? How dare you!"
"For God's sakes, don't make everything about you!"
I believe that our feelings are not supposed to be suppressed.
They are there not to be discarded, but to be accepted. To reflect upon. To pray over.
Whatever it is, fear, sadness, guilt, regret, gladness, peace, bliss, laughter, warmth... these are real and valid human emotions.
Say I feel mad not 'Why did you do that? You're so irresponsible!'
Say 'Thank you, I appreciate the compliment' not 'Oh you're just saying that.'
In other words, communicate what you feel and Be Honest for once!
