Casey Harker @caseyharker - Tumblr Blog

writingdirty-deactivated2024051

A press photo from my one man show, The Man Who Wrote Dirty.

or, possibly a lovely shot @caseyharker took at the Oct 2017 Tableaux.

caseyharker

Thank you, @writingdirty! Always a pleasure to shoot you and Tableaux!

#tableaux #mine

lesbian-rat

kinky vegan

artichoke me

Ahahahahhahahaha

Rutabaga me to stop.

This is appropriate before I spend a day in airports.

thekinkdoctor

Kink Doctor puts a face and a voice to BDSM and deconstructs what it means to be kinky. On each episode, a different guest joins KD and Bastard Keith on the couch to have a conversation about the way kink and BDSM interacts with their lives. The show will host a variety of different people—people in the BDSM community, people who identify as kinky, and with people who do kinky things on a regular basis in their personal lives and/or as part of their professional lives. Each episode represents one person’s experience, one face and voice in the very diverse world of kink.

Click here to contribute to the making of season one: Indiegogo.com/at/KinkDoctor

yesemberposts

femme is explicitly a lesbian identifier. you can't separate it from lesbianism. it doesn't simply mean feminine. if you're not a lesbian, don't use it. -a lesbian.

Femme traditionally was used for and by lesbians, I agree. But language changes as humans change! Queer people across the gender spectrum are using femme to give a name to their gender expression. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but I’m not going to stop using it as a genuine and authentic way of giving name to who I am.

msdarker

I find it antiquaited and really rather bullying, that someone would tell Ember that because she fucks both women and men, that she can’t express her gender in the way that makes her feel most comfortable. Essentially she isn’t lesbian enough to be femme. So, this anon implies that when Ember is out with a female partner, and they go to a female centric party, and they fuck each other with their mouths and fingers, and tell each other they love each other - and they do it all in heels and lashes - that because Ember sometimes fucks a guy - she can’t say she’s femme. Because it takes something away from who exactly? Who is being harmed by the scenerio I just described?

I am a woman who has romantic and sexual relations across the gender spectrum. I am femme. I have every right to call myself a femme - and when I sit with my femme identity, I have more courage to live my life the way I want. Loving females openly, in spite of being seen as a fetish for men, in spite of the fact that everyone thinks Veronika and I are sisters. In spite of the fact that Elsha and I need to go to Chelsea for dinner to be treated like a damn couple.

The old days of either you are Gay or Not are over, thank goodness, at least for me. The years of fearing my love for any one person disqualifies me, or takes away my queer card is over.The idea that gender identity and orientation are always intrinsicly tied are over.

We are not just allies, we ARE queers.

femmequeerwriter

Amen, @msdarker

caseyharker

Preach

elshalarossa

What made you want to be poly?

Because I’m absolutely in love with falling in love.

Because I live for the moment when your stomach drops out underneath you and your pulse races and you realize with absolute certainty that you’re going to be kissed for the first time.

Because I want to know people. REALLY KNOW PEOPLE. I want to get inside them and learn their dark places and discover the strange ways our edges fit together. I want to learn and teach and create and grow and grow.

Because I want to offer support and ask for support and be strong together and be weak together.

Because I have so much strength to offer, it feels stifling to mould my energy to one solitary partner’s needs.

Because I have so many weaknesses, so many imperfections, so many egregious flaws, insecurities, and doubts, it feels unfair to foist them all on one, lonely human, to demand that they understand me perfectly, that they always be enough.

Because I see humans like prisms, refracting their personalities like light, and because I gain nourishment for each band of color within myself from different people and different experiences.

Because nothing in the world feels more natural to me than kissing my friends. Or holding my friends. Or fucking my friends.

Because I want to live in a warm. bolstering place in this cold, touch-starved world. And I’ve managed to create one for myself.

Because it’s worth the effort it takes to make it work, and my work to maintain my lifestyle has nourished the best parts of me – honesty, self-knowledge, respect, bravery, and compassion.

Because why the hell are we on this poorly-insulated rock of a planet if we aren’t going to grab life with both hands and have as many experiences as we possibly can?

Because this is who I am. This is what brings me joy. And who doesn’t want to feel joyful?

secretshelf

Holy wow

themelanateddaddy

😞………. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 This post is too good to not reblog. EVERYTIME

elshalarossa

Honestly this is my most popular post on this godforsaken website and if this is my legacy I am 1,000% fine with that. I love you all. Love each other. 💕

femmequeerwriter

Well said, delightful friend of mine.

caseyharker

Never not reblogging.

elshalarossa

Adorned by @msdarker in red ribbons, baubles, and pearls.

From @houseofdarker‘s Tableaux on 6/20/2017, photo by @caseyharker

Me: Oh, gosh, was I making a weird face in that picture? Casey: Uh… This… isn’t a picture of your face.

caseyharker

It's true. I did say that. And I never lie.

elshalarossa

Tableaux is tonight! We at @houseofdarker are so pleased with this gorgeous, sunshiny weather and @msdarker and I hope to see many of your lovely selves there this evening. Come join us!

Lot 45 Bushwick is at 411 Troutman, Brooklyn, New York 11237

(See Facebook or Fetlife for more information.)

caseyharker

Can't wait to see all of you!!!

writingdirty-deactivated2024051

TDG Quartely

The Quarterly brought together an amazingly attractive room full of interesting and charming people. Left me sore and tired and swooning.

I hope to see lots of the same faces Tuesday at Tableaux.

caseyharker

So wonderful to see everyone last night! See you all Tuesday.

elshalarossa

how do i get nvited to one of your play parties?

Ah, yes. Another postulant comes to seek entry into the cult of bacchante. Lo, as the oral history dictates, first must you prove your worthiness through a series of trials designed to test your wits and courage, involving wild magic, a labyrinth full of traps, and a live polar bear. Once you have completed the feats of strength and speed you shall offer up your sacrifice on the altar on the first Thursday after the new moon and then, only then, shall an invite be yours. 😉

Or, alternatively… you could just come around to public-facing events and make friends with us! Spend some time getting to know us and letting us get to know you. Our private parties (at least the ones I help to produce) are for our community, for the people who want to show up, contribute, help out, make things and share their creativity. They’re for the friends who want to celebrate victories with us and support each other through difficulties. The sexy play is awesome, and is the thing you see most here on Tumblr, but the other stuff - friendship and camaraderie - is the glue that holds us all together. We couldn’t do what we do if we were a room full of strangers. 💕

transboyhell-blog

totally understand. i’ve been to tableaux and it wasn’t really my scene tbh i’m a trans boy and queer and it seemed like a very straight space? i came with my partner and it really… wasn’t my thing. maybe i’ll try again.

msdarker

@transboyhell , hello,

Thank you for giving Tableaux a chance. Elsha and I *want* everyone to feel comfortable at Tableaux, (and other spaces we help make happen, like @tdgpresents events) but we know that that isn’t always going happen.

The queer women who run Tableaux - @elshalarossa and I, with the help of @piper-doll have a pretty defined vibe - and we tend to attract a mixed crowd that likes to parade femme and dapper aesthetics. There are definitely more politically queer forward spaces - places that cater to a more “out” aesthetic - but that would be appropriative of us to curate.

We are femmes, we are gentlemen, we are dandy’s, we are butches. The room at Tableaux is heavy with queers - bi, pansexual, heteroflexible individuals fill at least half the space - but the aesthetic skews feminine and gentlemanly - not aggressively gay.

The concept of femme invisibility comes to the forefront -and I’ve noticed that my queer male friends go through this too. What’s super about this space, for us, is that we don’t feel invisible to each other…that’s a start. But I can also be more open about that here on tumblr so others can understand what they maybe can’t see upon first glance.

Now - to be clear - these topics of invisibility pale in comparison to the burden of having body dysmorphic disorder or even being gender nonconforming. I understand that and I have empathy, built through reading and talking to my trans friends, about how finding spaces where they feel they fit in is a complicated puzzle.

Two cis femme producers may never attract the type of crowd that makes you feel at home - but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be happy to make an effort.

If you do come back, please be encouraged to come say hello - I’ll ask some of my friends who identify as trans if they would be comfortable with me pointing you in their direction, if that might be something you would find grounding. Alternatively, I’d be happy to suggest some more aggressively queer parties that are designed specifically for your safety and comfort. Myth and Cakehole come to mind. Let me know if you want more info about them, too.

Ms. Darker

transboyhell-blog

What comes to mind right now is that i approaches the guy from the rule set who was at tableaux and was pushing a party in the city whos organizers have a long history of raping and violating my trans friends and i got no response and he was not open for a discussion about it. I think this really reflects the attitude of straight centered spaces and i get that you have queer people at the party, but to compare a femme masculine binary to the aesthetic of being a straight up “gay” aesthetic makes me feel like you Just Dont Get It.

msdarker

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. There are two issues here.

1. I’m not, as an organizer of Tableaux, unfortunately, able to control what goes on at other parties - although I will say that lately I’ve been involved in being a sounding board for the organizers at Impact while they work on improving their processes for following up with consent violations, and work to be better humans themselves.

Under the new paradigm of Safer Spaces, and Restorative Justice, I feel that it’s important to help those who have made mistakes, and caused harm, to reform, and become a healthy part of our community. Here is a link to the the work I’ve been involved in, and the group I helped run last year - http://nycsaferspaces.com

2. I understand that you feel I don’t get you. I’ve offered to connect you to people who I acknowledge might get you more. But, if my language has turned your off more - than, maybe you would never feel comfortable in a space I curate - and that’s fair.

But, I feel like you are erasing me when you call my space straight centered. I wouldn’t go into a space run by another openly queer person and tell them it wasn’t queer enough, and I hope that you will consider how you effect others, when you say the same to them.

Thank you

Ms. Darker

transboyhell-blog

Im sorry i made you feel this way. However, i think it’s important for your event to self crit and confront the fact that a trans person didnt like it and what im saying. Im honestly giving you my constructive feedback as a trans person and i trust you will take in account mu experience since you seem so open to engaging in dialogue, which i appreciate.

You have no control over what happens at other parties but you do have control over who comes, who invites people, who is the most visible, and how you hold these people accountable.

msdarker

I’m absolutely open to hearing suggestions about how I can make Tableaux more comfortable for you. I would really appreciate concrete ideas that I could incorporate - while keeping art and kink the focus.

Tableaux is a public party at a bar. I can not control who comes, or who invites people. But I do have a history of holding those around me accountable, and having those around me, help me stay accountable.

Thank you for engaging and trying to have a conversation that, for both of us, as queer people with very different experiences, requires a lot of emotional labor.

rockemsockemrocket

LOLOLOL everything we do is a g g r e s s i v e l y gay, come party with us. We have feminine gays, gentlemanly gays, gays who are both, gays who are neither, all sorts of gays. Step right up and getcha “out” aesthetic!

transboyhell-blog

Okay so, why didnt i feel this way at your event? Youre becoming defensive but im not acqusing you of anything, just communicating my experience at the event. How can u make ur event more inclusive and better if you dont listen to trans ppls opinions

caseyharker

I would respectfully counter that it is an assumption that no trans people’s opinions have been solicited in the creation of these events and the only opinion you can be sure of is your own. That said, your opinion is being heard; acknowledged and engaged with in a very respectful, transparent and open manner.

It becomes extremely problematic for any of us to assume the role of being the voice of an entire group of people whose identity we share in some way and it helps contribute to the exact kind of blanket erasure we’re trying to prevent.

transboyhell-blog

Did i fucking say youve never considered a trans persons opinion…

caseyharker

You literally just said "how can you make your event more inclusive and better if you don't listen to trans people's opinions", so, kinda yeah, that's how it came off.

I don't intend to invalidate your personal experience, but there seems to be a lot of back and forth conflation in this conversation between an individual's experience and a statement of experience of a place/event/intent that is shared implicitly through a shared identity.

elshalarossa

how do i get nvited to one of your play parties?

Ah, yes. Another postulant comes to seek entry into the cult of bacchante. Lo, as the oral history dictates, first must you prove your worthiness through a series of trials designed to test your wits and courage, involving wild magic, a labyrinth full of traps, and a live polar bear. Once you have completed the feats of strength and speed you shall offer up your sacrifice on the altar on the first Thursday after the new moon and then, only then, shall an invite be yours. 😉

Or, alternatively… you could just come around to public-facing events and make friends with us! Spend some time getting to know us and letting us get to know you. Our private parties (at least the ones I help to produce) are for our community, for the people who want to show up, contribute, help out, make things and share their creativity. They’re for the friends who want to celebrate victories with us and support each other through difficulties. The sexy play is awesome, and is the thing you see most here on Tumblr, but the other stuff - friendship and camaraderie - is the glue that holds us all together. We couldn’t do what we do if we were a room full of strangers. 💕

transboyhell-blog

totally understand. i’ve been to tableaux and it wasn’t really my scene tbh i’m a trans boy and queer and it seemed like a very straight space? i came with my partner and it really… wasn’t my thing. maybe i’ll try again.

msdarker

@transboyhell , hello,

Thank you for giving Tableaux a chance. Elsha and I *want* everyone to feel comfortable at Tableaux, (and other spaces we help make happen, like @tdgpresents events) but we know that that isn’t always going happen.

The queer women who run Tableaux - @elshalarossa and I, with the help of @piper-doll have a pretty defined vibe - and we tend to attract a mixed crowd that likes to parade femme and dapper aesthetics. There are definitely more politically queer forward spaces - places that cater to a more “out” aesthetic - but that would be appropriative of us to curate.

We are femmes, we are gentlemen, we are dandy’s, we are butches. The room at Tableaux is heavy with queers - bi, pansexual, heteroflexible individuals fill at least half the space - but the aesthetic skews feminine and gentlemanly - not aggressively gay.

The concept of femme invisibility comes to the forefront -and I’ve noticed that my queer male friends go through this too. What’s super about this space, for us, is that we don’t feel invisible to each other…that’s a start. But I can also be more open about that here on tumblr so others can understand what they maybe can’t see upon first glance.

Now - to be clear - these topics of invisibility pale in comparison to the burden of having body dysmorphic disorder or even being gender nonconforming. I understand that and I have empathy, built through reading and talking to my trans friends, about how finding spaces where they feel they fit in is a complicated puzzle.

Two cis femme producers may never attract the type of crowd that makes you feel at home - but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be happy to make an effort.

If you do come back, please be encouraged to come say hello - I’ll ask some of my friends who identify as trans if they would be comfortable with me pointing you in their direction, if that might be something you would find grounding. Alternatively, I’d be happy to suggest some more aggressively queer parties that are designed specifically for your safety and comfort. Myth and Cakehole come to mind. Let me know if you want more info about them, too.

Ms. Darker

transboyhell-blog

What comes to mind right now is that i approaches the guy from the rule set who was at tableaux and was pushing a party in the city whos organizers have a long history of raping and violating my trans friends and i got no response and he was not open for a discussion about it. I think this really reflects the attitude of straight centered spaces and i get that you have queer people at the party, but to compare a femme masculine binary to the aesthetic of being a straight up “gay” aesthetic makes me feel like you Just Dont Get It.

msdarker

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. There are two issues here.

1. I’m not, as an organizer of Tableaux, unfortunately, able to control what goes on at other parties - although I will say that lately I’ve been involved in being a sounding board for the organizers at Impact while they work on improving their processes for following up with consent violations, and work to be better humans themselves.

Under the new paradigm of Safer Spaces, and Restorative Justice, I feel that it’s important to help those who have made mistakes, and caused harm, to reform, and become a healthy part of our community. Here is a link to the the work I’ve been involved in, and the group I helped run last year - http://nycsaferspaces.com

2. I understand that you feel I don’t get you. I’ve offered to connect you to people who I acknowledge might get you more. But, if my language has turned your off more - than, maybe you would never feel comfortable in a space I curate - and that’s fair.

But, I feel like you are erasing me when you call my space straight centered. I wouldn’t go into a space run by another openly queer person and tell them it wasn’t queer enough, and I hope that you will consider how you effect others, when you say the same to them.

Thank you

Ms. Darker

transboyhell-blog

Im sorry i made you feel this way. However, i think it’s important for your event to self crit and confront the fact that a trans person didnt like it and what im saying. Im honestly giving you my constructive feedback as a trans person and i trust you will take in account mu experience since you seem so open to engaging in dialogue, which i appreciate.

You have no control over what happens at other parties but you do have control over who comes, who invites people, who is the most visible, and how you hold these people accountable.

msdarker

I’m absolutely open to hearing suggestions about how I can make Tableaux more comfortable for you. I would really appreciate concrete ideas that I could incorporate - while keeping art and kink the focus.

Tableaux is a public party at a bar. I can not control who comes, or who invites people. But I do have a history of holding those around me accountable, and having those around me, help me stay accountable.

Thank you for engaging and trying to have a conversation that, for both of us, as queer people with very different experiences, requires a lot of emotional labor.

rockemsockemrocket

LOLOLOL everything we do is a g g r e s s i v e l y gay, come party with us. We have feminine gays, gentlemanly gays, gays who are both, gays who are neither, all sorts of gays. Step right up and getcha “out” aesthetic!

transboyhell-blog

Okay so, why didnt i feel this way at your event? Youre becoming defensive but im not acqusing you of anything, just communicating my experience at the event. How can u make ur event more inclusive and better if you dont listen to trans ppls opinions

caseyharker

I would respectfully counter that it is an assumption that no trans people's opinions have been solicited in the creation of these events and the only opinion you can be sure of is your own. That said, your opinion is being heard; acknowledged and engaged with in a very respectful, transparent and open manner.

It becomes extremely problematic for any of us to assume the role of being the voice of an entire group of people whose identity we share in some way and it helps contribute to the exact kind of blanket erasure we're trying to prevent.

paxamericana

bonrealprophecies-deactivated20

Lmao

blaqheart-deactivated20180818

i hate this so much lol

mainmanblackdynamite-deactivate

Must be fucking nice

trapcard

So ole girl got a free job a free house and then was like “see it’s not that hard!” i’m crying

sssshale

Like, good for you hun. Do you and all. But also, nah and nope and 🙄

caseyharker

Pretty sure we ALL could do it with these kinda life softballs.

#smh givemillenialsabadname stfuplease

msdarker

Is Tableaux a queer space?

Yes.

We are femmes, we are gentlemen, we are dandy’s, we are butches. The room at Tableaux is heavy with queers - bi, pansexual, heteroflexible individuals fill at least half the space - but the aesthetic that dominates tends to be feminine and gentlemanly. And, while we also have our share of gender nonconforming friends - the vibe is not aggressively gay or focused on genderfuckery.

The queer women who run Tableaux - @elshalarossa and I, with the help of @piper-doll tend to attract a mixed crowd that likes to parade femme and dapper aesthetics. There are definitely more politically queer forward spaces - places that cater to a more “out” aesthetic - but that would be appropriative of us to curate.

The concept of femme invisibility comes to the forefront -and I’ve noticed that my queer male friends go through this too. Assumptions are made about our orientation partially because we socialize around identities - kinky, creative,- that are not solely focused on our gender and orientation.

What’s super about this space, for us, is that we don’t feel invisible to each other…that’s a start. But I can also be more open about that here on tumblr so others can understand what they maybe can’t see upon first glance.

If you aren’t straight, and go to Tableaux - please reblog!

xo

Ms. Darker

caseyharker

Totally not straight. Totally a huge fan of Tableaux and always feel very welcome and part of the event. :)