We have to get away from the Star Destroyers.

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@casiaandor
We have to get away from the Star Destroyers.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi + Finnpoe
Yoda about to invent the “jedis dont fuck” rule because he cant get no ass: oh heard havent you?
modern au star wars. rey, poe and finn all live in a one bedroom apartment with poe’s corgi. rey doesn’t have a social security number. leia signed the lease so poe would stop sleeping on her couch. hux is kylo’s manager at the gamestop
han and leia are divorced but have been living together anyway. luke lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere in arizona and they used to visit him every christmas but eventually leia got tired of trying to figure out what “ok so there will be no signs at this point, but after three hours you’ll see a rock. turn there” means
luke and han are the exact opposite sides of the antigovernment spectrum, which becomes a problem after luke realises he really loves drones
luke was raised on the ranch by obiwan, who has technically been squatting there since the 60s
padme had a will but anakin just had a piece of paper that said he thought obiwan should have his dogs and also his sword collection
luke refuses to mail anything so when he wants leia to have something he just drives to california and puts the package on her porch. he has a really poor concept of what leia needs, could use or would like so half the time she opens these 20 year old boxes signed “LUKE, YOUR BROTHER” in fading pen to discover, like, a broken tv and a note that says “can han use this for anything?”
remember that time yoda mounted luke
don’t
don’t say it like that
incomplete list of questions about the last jedi
why doesnt the fo just shoot poe out of the sky when he’s trolling them?
how is it that the surface canons can’t shoot him when surface canons are there to shoot ships that are small and fast?
why doesn’t the dreadnought have shields up?
why have a new class of bomber ships when y-wings already exist?
why are the bombers so weak? if they blow up so easily why are they all so close to each other?
why do the bombers continue when leia has already called them all back?
how come only one bomber was needed to take down the dreadnought?
how do the bombs drop in space?
why was hyperspace tracking never used before?
if it can’t track smaller ships why didn’t the resistance just immediately get on the transports and escape?
why would snoke humiliate hux in front of the fo when he’s snoke’s mouthpiece and therefore needs to have his people’s respect?
how is snoke so powerful? where was he during the clone wars/civil war? what are his goals? when did he join the fo? why does everyone follow him like the emperor?
what kind of resources do the fo have? they weren’t considered a threat to the new republic before and that was with starkiller base.
why does snoke only now make fun of kylo’s mask?
why does he destroy it? because snoke made fun of him?
how is kylo able to shoot into the hanger?
why does finn fall out of bed? why is there no one with him?
why is he allowed to walk around the ship with a leaking bacta suit and no one does anything?
why is he considered a hero by rose but is not respected by the resistance?
why would leia slap poe when she has never shown this kind of behavior before and she is supposed to be a leader?
how much force training has leia had? how could she possibly know how to survive in space?
did she die? or did she save herself?
why does she have enough energy to save herself and pull herself back to the ship but then immediately falls into a coma?
why is holdo wearing a ball gown when everyone else is dressed in resistance uniforms?
how does poe not know who holdo is if the entire resistance was on d’qar and she’s a vice admiral?
why does she think so little of him when he is the best pilot in the resistance and has deservedly earned their respect?
why doesn’t she tell him the plan?
WHY DOESN’T SHE TELL HIM THE PLAN?????
what happened to threepio’s red arm?
why is rose stunning “deserters”? the resistance is a voluntary organization. why would a sole mechanic be in charge of that?
why doesn’t she let finn talk? why does she threaten him like that?
why is there no discussion of finn’s injury which was so bad it immediately put him in a coma? and yet kylo gets scenes of his recovery which isn’t anywhere near as bad?
how does the fo keep up with the resistance if they’re smaller and faster?
why don’t they hyperspace in front of the resistance and wipe them out?
why does luke have no reaction to seeing the lightsaber?
why is he dressed in light colored jedi robes and then changes into something dark?
why does he have little reaction to han’s death? why does it cut away after he says “where’s han?” and then never brings it up again?
why does rey translate for chewie?
why does luke need to milk those space cows when he’s on an island surrounded by water?
why is he still on the island? what did he find in the temple?
why is his x-wing in the water? is it broken? did he crash land? did he put it there? did it fall?
what’s the point of the fish nuns and porgs?
how did snoke create a force bond between kylo and rey? once again, how is he so powerful?
why does rey just follow him around doing nothing? why does chewie stand by while this happens?
why does a cooked porg look like that?
why wouldn’t leia send a new message to luke? why would she even send rey when he doesn’t even know her?
why does luke tell rey he’ll teach her three lessons and then doesn’t teach her three lessons?
why does he get so upset when rey is tempted by the dark side? why does he leave her afterwards? wouldn’t he be making the same mistake as he did with kylo?
why would luke even contemplate killing his own nephew?
what exactly drove ben solo to the dark side? were the knights of ren other students? why would he just suddenly destroy the school bc his uncle upset him? where did he get his mask? his lightsaber?
how is rey so easily able to connect with the force without any training? how is she able to use a lightsaber so easily without any training, especially when just a day earlier she was fighting with it like it was her staff?
if luke cut himself off from the force how can he still use it? if he reconnected when did it happen? why did he cut himself off in the first place? how does that even work?
how does rey know how to swim?
what exactly did she go into when she had her vision?
why does she suddenly care who her parents are when she only cared about if they were coming back?
why does rey suddenly feel sympathy for kylo despite hating him only moments earlier?
how is she able to best luke in a fight?
what makes her think she could turn kylo? why does she think he’d be the resistance’s only hope when she herself is so powerful?
also why is she so powerful?
why does luke hesitate to destroy the books when he’s spent the whole movie convinced the jedi need to end? why didn’t he destroy them earlier?
why are there books? how old are they? what do they say? how are they even legible after all this time?
why does yoda appear of all people? why not obi-wan or anakin?
why does yoda look so fucking ugly?
why does yoda destroy the books?
why is luke upset about it when he was planning on doing it himself?
how is a force ghost able to interact with objects, let alone strike down lightning?
how does rey not need the books if she hasn’t gone through any training?
why are we given rose’s backstory and not a bit of finn’s? why is she the one to teach him child slavery is bad when he was a child soldier?
why does finn look so enamored by the casino?
if dj can escape jail why was he still there?
what are the chances finn and rose find the person they need in a jail cell? why do they trust him at all?
how can coins be put in bb8? how can he shoot them out like a weapon?
why are rose and finn happy with destroying part of the casino, which will then require more weapons selling and the child slaves will likely clean it up? aren’t the space horses just going to be rounded up and taken back anyway?
why does holdo allow poe to go as far as a mutiny?
why doesn’t she fucking say ANYTHING?
why does she stand there with people pointing guns at her and not say ANYTHING?
how does leia suddenly come out of her coma?
why does she stun poe so violently?
why does she berate him for not knowing holdo’s plan when SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM????
why is holdo seen as a hero when she DIDN’T TELL ANYONE THE FUCKING PLAN?
why did holdo wait so long to begin evacuation?
why did she allow finn and rose to go to canto bight if she had a plan all along?
how is finn so easily able to return to the fo?
why does hux slap him?
why is phasma the only person with impenetrable armor?
why is the resistance synonymous with the rebellion?
why does chewie allow rey to literally ship herself to the fo? where does he go for the duration of her stay? how does she get back on the falcon after she leaves?
why is rey so convinced kylo will turn? why is it a literal copy and paste of the throne room sequence in rotj?
why does snoke make rey float around like that?
where did the lobster guards come from?
why is snoke in a gold bathrobe?
how is kylo able to turn the lightsaber and ignite it without snoke knowing, especially since he already said he can see into kylo’s mind?
why does kylo even kill snoke?
why does rey fight alongside him?
why is she so upset he doesn’t turn when she had no emotional stake in his potential defection?
how is bb8 able to pilot an at-st?
why are finn and rose surprised that dj betrayed them?
why does the resistance use really old speeders on crait to fight? why do they go out there just to pull back anyway?
where did the fo get a mini death star battering ram? why is this not used frequently?
why did holdo have to stay on the raddus? why not use auto-pilot or a droid?
why has no one weaponized lightspeed before this?
why does rose stop finn from sacrificing himself in a way that could’ve gotten them both killed? and will inevitably lead to the resistance being completely destroyed?
why does she kiss him?
why doesn’t luke bother leaving for crait?
why does he look so different?
why does he give leia the dice, which have zero meaning to the audience?
how is it that luke’s projection can’t be touched, but his hair an clothes can still move? and the dice can be held but then disappear because reasons?
why does kylo have everything fire on luke like that? overkill much?
how does he not notice the salt not moving under luke’s feet?
why does that one soldier LICK THE PLANET?????
how can rey lift all those rocks with zero training?
how did finn get rose back into the base without getting fired at? why is she unconscious?
why has luke suddenly changed his mind about the jedi?
why does he die? WHY DOES HE DIE?????????
why does leia have no reaction to losing han and luke in just a matter of days?
where is lando?
how did this movie get made?
why was i subjected to this atrocity?
feel free to add on yall
rey: hey can you do something for me?
finn: i would cross the galaxy for you, i would face a rancor with my bare hands for you glady
rey: i would for you too! can you pass me that wrench
coruscant nine nine [99/?] (requested by @jjoelswatch)
why do kylo stans talk….. Like That?
look, i don’t know how many times i have to say this but he’s not loki, he doesn’t have a silver-tongue, but they’re like writing these epic poems in his honor and i’m like ???????
not to sound like a former loki stan, which i am, but kyle’s villainous presentation is so utterly lackluster
when he talks, he just sounds like adam driver, and adam driver’s voice is not distinct, adam driver just sounds like some guy they found
AND none of kylo’s lines are particularly striking so like how has he amassed this following? what has he done? kylo could NEVER come up with “it’s the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation. the bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power” can that backwards ass square titty hoe even SPELL subjugation???
P: “You’ve never danced before?? Not even once?”
F: “No, it’s not like I had much time…”
P: “We are fixing this right now.”
everything couldve been fine if when ahsoka left the order anakin was ju7st like fuck it im go too & spent the rest of his life raising his and padmes’ 10 kids
press: senator amidala who is your handsome trophy husband
padme: that’s anakin, uh, anakin mcskyguy
press: he looks like that jedi knight you used to hang out with allthe time
padme: no that was anakin skywalker, this is a completely different person. jedi can’t get married don’t be silly
press: can you comment on how anakin skywalker disappeared in mysterious circumstances shortly before you & this mr mcskyguy got together
padme: if you aren’t going to ask me questions about my senatorial policy this interview is over
Requested by @keepcalmandcarrieunderwood
ki-adi-mundi, standing with his 20 wife harem: remember anakin, you can never and will never fuck
when you’re a boob guy thru and thru but the jedi council only wants to talk about some dumb war
isnt this the one jedi legally allowed to fuck?
Why is Ki-Adi-Mundi the only Jedi allowed to fuck, George?
“Due to the Cerean’s social customs and low birth rate for males, Mundi was granted an extremely rare exception to be allowed to marry and have children, which was usually strictly forbidden by the Jedi Order as Jedi were not allowed personal attachments. Although Mundi cared for his family, he was required by the Jedi Order not to view them as attachments, a balance that Mundi found extremely difficult. Like all Cereans, Mundi practiced polygamy due to the 1-to-20 male-to-female ratio among his species“
“Kid, I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen *anything* to make me believe that there’s one all-powerful Force controlling everything. ‘Cause no mystical energy field controls *my* destiny. It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”
ABOUT ME - 24/? fave films: Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)
Poe every time Finn so much as glances in his direction: