god knows, i am dissonance.

— && c. hastings. waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune.

[caspartho-blog]

posting this here before it’s too late but hbd to my son caspar hastings, a now 20 year old linen with eyes who started an as 18 year old in seattle who literally robbed his bff once upon a time. you’ve truly come a long way caspar :^) 

[kianhassan-blog]

He’s just getting off from his shift at the bar, and he’s far more than a little tipsy. By some miracle, he’s made it almost the whole way home with only a few stumbles, a scraped knee and a scuffed boot. The worst part, perhaps, is the fact he was working the afternoon shift today, so the sun is barely even setting as he graces the entrance of Marlborough apartments with his presence. He lowers himself down onto the steps out front, feet propped against the concrete and numb limbs fumbling to open his baccy tin in the vain hopes of rolling a cigarette. He should probably go straight up to his apartment and sleep it off, but his head won’t shut up – it just won’t, even with the amount of alcohol currently flooding his system. He’s been doing the math, he’s been figuring things out for himself, and now he’s left scared and drunk and not thinking straight at all. He barely recognises the sound of approaching footsteps, and if they’re talking to him, then he misses what they say. Maybe they didn’t say anything at all, and that’s just his head again. It takes a lot of effort to open his eyes (he didn’t know he’d closed them), and he just can’t find the will to look up at them yet. Maybe they’ll go away if he pretends they’re not there. 

[caspartho-blog]

Caspar’s life has been the opposite of fun lately-- dealing with expensive pain and no easy way to fix it has been on his mind from sunrise to sunset. He thought maybe he could work something out with his dads insurance, maybe it’ll cover some kind of dental plan, but he hasn’t had the time to really figure it out. He’s walking back up the steps with a box of odds and ends in his hands, mostly stuff he left in his car that really overstayed its welcome, and while he had it on his mind, decided to finally clean it out. Besides that, he’s distracted, as usual, not paying much attention to his surroundings, so he isn’t quite sure when someone showed up on the front steps of the apartment complex. He stops in his tracks, looks down and turns to face them, hoping he didn’t disturb them in some kind of way. The only way to know, is to ask. “Sorry-- I wasn’t really looking where I was going. Did I just run into you?” He asks apologetically, praying the answer is no so he doesn’t have to add to the amount of times his absent mindedness was an inconvenience to someone else.   

[caspartho-blog]

isaac-day :

“I mean… Hypothetically speaking, unless your friend is inviting a shoddy job, infection, and probably sepsis, I don’t think it’s a very good idea to let anyone outside of a hospital perform surgery. The money thing is understandable, it’s just like – better debt than death, you know?”

“I don’t... I don’t think my friend wants to invite any of that. Those things are definitely not invited. The hospital is obviously the first choice, it’s just.. y’know, if someone who’s just about to graduate will do it for waaay less.. it’s so tempting.  But you’re right-- debt before death. All things considered, this is too much work for some teeth that don’t even do any good.” 

[caspartho-blog]

tinycameron :

“It’s no wonder I never went very far with, um, sports after middle school. I’m so terribly uncoordinated, I’ve managed to injure myself in the shower of all places.” He rubs his elbows with a hint of a pout; it’s too warm or else he’d have them covered up most definitely. “They really ought to put a warning on those things – watch your step or slippery when wet or something.” It’s a well orchestrated fib, or at least he thinks so. At least the swelling has gone down.

“A warning sign? In the shower?” Caspar questions, scrunching his nose while thinking about the idea. “You could get one of those yellow caution signs that stores use when people spill stuff,” He shrugs with a friendly smile, “y’know-- just as a reminder,” he nods, “Are you okay? Did you hit your head?” 

[hoenystudies]

[caspartho-blog]

aireplanes :

“There’s so much history in my head The people I’ve left The ones that I’ve kept” 

[caspartho-blog]

jacoberickson :

“What’s the worst that could happen if it goes wrong? You lose your teeth?” He shrugs, still kidding a bit, still not sure Caspar is going to get it. “At least then you can get some kickass dentures.”

“Is... that not worst case scenario? Me losing my teeth?” Caspar questions in brief disbelief, probably taking this whole thing too far by not catching on to the other being facetious, but this was Caspar being Caspar on a good day. “I might be wrong, but I have a feeling they’d be just as expensive as getting my wisdom teeth out... or more.”

[caspartho-blog]

pippavo :

“Uh–… um, probably not? That sounds a little hazardous to be completely honest.”

“Does it sound worse than not getting them out at all? I’m like, entirely lost when it comes to this kinda stuff..”

[caspartho-blog]

what's it like knowing you've broken rory's heart but she's too good of a person to ever confront you about it?

Well, what do you think it’s like? I don’t really think I need to spell it out for anyone, but it sucks, a lot, and if I could change it or go back and tell myself to actually use my head for once, I’d do it. But I can’t. And there’s nothing I can do about that. 

[caspartho-blog]

how do you think rory would feel if she found out about you being the father of evie's child?

I kinda think that she’d know it isn’t true.. I mean, for anyone who actually knows me, I’m pretty sure they’d know it’s not true. 

[caspartho-blog]

when did you realize you had feelings for evie? that's the only explanation as to why someone as genuinely nice as you would get with someone like her

Feelings? Like, romantic feelings, or...? I’ve never realized it, ‘cause I don’t have feelings for her like that. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, though... Evie isn’t a bad person. She’s a good friend. If anything, she’s an admirable person.. definitely one of a kind. But--no feelings like that here. 

[caspartho-blog]

how can you live with yourself knowing you've failed as a father?

I’m... not a father...

[caspartho-blog]

[caspartho-blog]

willamence :

“Hypothetically speaking- how far along in med school is this someone? First year? A month from graduation? That all plays into the hypothetical answer. However, if you- your friend- needs a ride to the operation then I’d be happy to take them, I mean, I don’t have a car, but I could play baby sitter and help them take the bus there and back. Unless, since there’s no money for gas, there’s also no money for the operation.”

“Uuuuh... hm, good question. I wanna say they’re close to graduating.. would a school even let them do it if they weren’t qualified? Like, that’s not something they should make into a trial and error learning opportunity.. oh, God, too much to think about. My friend really appreciates that-- they’re a little worried about, uh.. how this is all gonna work out. Why are wisdom teeth even a thing? It’s not like they’re contributing to society, anyways. Just making it harder for people to live their lives.. how sad.” 

[caspartho-blog]

rorydear :

“It sounds a bit like a bad idea? Is this person in med school for dentistry? That sounds like a good place to start. I don’t know though – I’ve heard nasty things about wisdom teeth removal in general. I didn’t know you – I mean, your friend – had a car.”

“Yep, like.. as far as I’m aware, they are. That’d probably be really important to know, now that you mention it. I’ll get them to look into that. Technically, it’s not theirs, it’s their parents old car, they just use it whenever they can.. like when they have gas money. Which is less often than they’d like to admit..” 

[caspartho-blog]

“ no i wouldn’t. because what if this friend of yours isn’t that good & truly doesn’t know what they’re doing? then you’d be screwed with more pain than you had before. ”

“ they don’t actually know the person, it was just a recommendation.. but i can guarantee that isn’t very reassuring. what would you do? just live with the pain? i’m conflicted. for them.. conflicted for my friend. ” 

[caspartho-blog]

jacoberickson :

Jake laughs. He didn’t mean for Caspar to take him so seriously, but now that he has it makes it all a bit funnier. “God, no. I don’t have any pliers, I lied. If it were me, though, I’d totally get my teeth done at a med school. They’re probably just as good as the real thing.”

“... Oh. I knew that.” He didn’t---but that doesn’t stop him from saying he did. He nods, playing it off. “You think? A part of me thinks you’re right, a part of me thinks it could go terribly wrong. That’s probably the risk of discounted surgical procedures, huh...” 

[caspartho-blog]

jacoberickson :

The last time Jacob went to a dentist was just before his sixteenth birthday. They told him he’d need to get his wisdom teeth removed, too, but he never got to. At least not in a formal setting. Eventually he found a guy in Harlem who did it on the cheap. So he could relate to Caspar in this way, measuring needs against other needs. It was depressing to live in a society where you had to save up to get basic health rights. “Well, I mean, if you want it for free I got some pliers in my room.” He joked.

“Pliers?” Caspar repeats the word, his eyes widening. Surely he couldn’t have been serious, but sometimes Caspar really couldn’t tell. Either way, the thought was horrific enough-- enough for him to put his hand up to his face as if the pain just magically got worse. “That’s okay, I don’t know if I’m ready for that kinda free..”