caspar barely sleeps. at all. he’s usually always running on just a couple hours, but that’s how he’s always been. he goes to sleep late (for no real good reason), gets up early, and repeats that process. it’s typically pretty obvious, with dark circles under his eyes and a look to him that just screams exhausted, but he can never get himself to sleep in. occasionally, he’ll take a nap during the day after work if he just can’t handle it, but that just means he’ll stay up later, and it really doesn’t fix the problem at all. he’s never been good at problem solving.
★ - sad headcanon
a part of caspar feels like his life is never going to be anything significant. he’s lived in maryland his entire life, and he doesn’t know what’s beyond the city limits. he doesn’t know what he’s good at, if anything at all. common thoughts that run through his head include him worrying about disappointing his parents, not making a decent life for himself since they worked so hard just to make sure they could get by. zia’s cafe cannot be his calling, can it? will he actually be working there for the rest of his life? will he ever make any kind of positive difference in the world? he really does not know, and that’s the part that terrifies him.
■ - bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon
caspar is extremely unorganized. his apartment isn’t necessarily ‘dirty’ but it’s most likely chaos at any given time of the day. he doesn’t even have that many things, so it’s a mystery how he can create such a mess, but leave it up to him to stick things in the corner and promise to put it up later (and later never seems to come.)
♡ - romantic headcanon
the only person caspar has ever loved on that kind of level is rory, and he’s convinced she’ll be the only person he ever feels that way about. what they had was too special for him to ever put into words, and he blames himself for the way their relationship fell apart. he didn’t try hard enough to make things work, and he can’t shake that feeling off. people would tell him it was just how things were meant to be, but he still can’t understand how their relationship coming to an end was ever a ‘good thing’, and time to time, he sits and wonders what he could’ve done differently to make sure things had turned out better for them.
♥ - family headcanon
he’s an only child, and even though his circumstances weren’t the best growing up, caspar is extremely close to both of his parents. he doesn’t know much of his extended family, but there’s never been any drama to divide them. his parents are his world, his heroes, and the people he looks up to. his dad has several medical problems due to the car accident he was in that left him disabled, and caspar worries about him every single day. wondering if he’s going to get worse, going to get better, or if nothing will ever change. at the end of the day, caspar couldn’t have asked for better parents.
☮ - friendship headcanon
friendships are extremely important to caspar, and he cherishes every single person in his life that he has the privilege to call a friend. he’s always worried that he isn’t supportive enough, or that he isn’t making enough time for them--since that’s a problem he’s had in the past. there’s also some kind of repressed insecurity that no one really wants him around that often. all that aside, though, he doesn’t know where he would be without the people he’s met at marlborough, or what kind of person he would end up as, since every single person there has changed him in some kind of way.
☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon
he LOVES taylor swift. he’s been listening to her for years. his goal in life is to see her live in concert some day. he thinks she’s a genius when it comes to song writing, and he doesn’t know how its possible for him to relate to one artist and their music on such a level as he does with her. at any given moment, he has a taylor swift song stuck in his head. his favorite album is speak now, followed by fearless and red.
▼ - childhood headcanon
caspar’s childhood wasn’t typical by any means. his family moved around on the regular, just trying to get by and trying to find a cheaper option since money was always tight. sometimes their house wasn’t even furnished beyond their beds and basic appliances, and a fold out dining table, because they couldn’t afford the luxury of unnecessary decor. he didn’t have many close friends who stuck by him through all the moves he made, but sometimes he wonders if that was for the best. he never liked inviting people over anyway, and always felt the slightest bit of jealousy when his friends who were better off would invite him over. it always reminded him that he never had what they had-- the newest video games, a fully stocked fridge and pantry, and some kind of stability. the idea of a ‘childhood’ home was something he grew jealous of, once he realized so many kids his age had lived in the same house their entire life. obviously, he knew there were more important things to worry about than getting an expensive toy for his birthday, but it didn’t stop him from wondering why his parents had to have it so rough when they were just as good as any others, or, in his eyes, even better.
I guess the first thing I should say is thank you. I can’t find another way to say this, but I mean that. I can’t really think of a time where the two of you weren’t there for me, whether I wanted you to be or not. You just were. I never really had to ask, or I never had to tell you when something was wrong. You just knew. You noticed when things would get bad and even if you couldn’t actually help, you both were still there. It’s always been like that.
I never want it to seem like I take either of you for granted. I know I’m extremely lucky, though. Not all of my friends have good relationships with their parents. Most of them don’t, actually. I’ve noticed that, and I wish I could change it. If I could give them parents like you, I would. Maybe you guys should come meet them all, sometime. Mom, I know you were worried about me being off by myself, and trust me, so was I. But these people are like a second family, you know? Sure, they might be a little wild sometimes, maybe they do or say things I don’t exactly understand, but that’s okay. They’re all really good people, I can promise you that.
On the flip side, a part of me feels like I shouldn’t be here sometimes, that I should be back home helping with everything. Helping with the bills, taking dad to his doctors appointments-- speaking of, I hope everything is going alright. I know I get updates all the time, but it’s still weird not being around in case things get bad. But it’s fine, I guess I need to stop worrying. I’m going to try to stop worrying. Because I’m happy here, I really am. I really hope you guys are happy, too.
I guess I’ll stop this now. I’m not really sure what I’m saying, I’ve never been good at this whole writing thing.. but I mean every word.
we keep this love in a { photograph }
we made these memories for ourselves
where our eyes are never closing
hearts are never broken
times forever frozen still
