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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Claire Keane
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if i look back, i am lost
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Acquired Stardust
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@cassiejohnsons
message || cassie
andrew: hey cassidy
andrew: west says you didn't think i had a bed frame?
andrew: i really don't know what to say
andrew: kinda hurt cant lie
cassie: omg
cassie: hi! ❤️
cassie: i really thought that he would! and it kinda skewed my expectations that he didn’t?
cassie: it’s not that you wouldn’t, it’s just that i thought he definitely would.
alice-the-kelly:
“It doesn’t? I don’t go to too many parties. Most of anythin’ I’m doin’ is based off of movies, I’m afraid.” She grinned, a slight faint of pink rising to her cheeks. “I suppose that’s true! You got ‘real kind eyes, though. The prettiest. And you’re so nice! How are so many people from this town so nice?”
"They don’t got parties where you’re from?” Cassie gently teased, assuming from Alice’s second statement that she wasn’t from around here. She didn’t recognize her, anyway, but it wasn’t like she knew everyone in town. She laughed, a little amused and a little shy. “That’s real sweet of you to say. You steady enough on your feet to go searchin’ with me?”
kalcigh:
“Is that like a new restaurant or one of those like pre-made, just heat it up in the oven things like Stouffer’s?” Was it petty for Kaleigh to pretend to not know Easton? Yes but it was better than actually acknowledging the fact that they knew each other at the moment. “Why would eating your takeout left overs be weird? Did you put something weird in the spaghetti?”
"Oh, uh.” Cassie wasn’t really... equipped to deal with this. She knew Kaleigh and Easton weren’t talking, but she didn’t know they weren’t... acknowledging each other’s existence? So. She could just move on. “No, nothin’... weird in the spaghetti. Um. Do you want somethin’ to put in the spaghetti? I have grated cheese. Ricotta, too.”
eastonwilliams:
He laughs a little, stopping short. “Yeah, I do.” This wasn’t going how he’d wanted it to. However, could he really be upset when he’d refused to vocalize whatever idea he’d had? He sighs. “Uh, no, I don’t think Andrew’s tryin’ to move out. Or I don’t know if he is. But I don’t think he is? He would’ve told me. He knows I’ve been lookin’, y’know. I think he’s pretty happy bein’ at home for now. Or if he is, maybe he doesn’t want to live with me? Which is fine.” He laughs. “I don’t know. You think two guys that don’t have bed frames are gonna be successful livin’ together? I feel like there needs to be some sorta balance.”
"Yeah, someone’s gotta have a bed frame,” Cassie agreed. She had a bed frame. She didn’t wanna be presumptuous, though, because -- well. If Easton wanted to be roommates, wouldn’t he just say that? She didn’t wanna bring it up and make it weird. “Or at least a, y’know, bed skirt or somethin’.”
kyliesullivan:
“You don’t need to do all that much talkin’ to be a good distraction, babe.” She wasn’t surprised that she would be the one left to do the stealing. She had more experience with that kind of thing then Cassie did. “Just try not to nervous ramble because then they’ll get suspicious. And don’t ask about what kind of drinks they can make because I need them not thinking about what alcohols they have. Because then they’ll look and I can’t sneak something out with them looking.”
"Don’t sound nervous. Got it. I can -- yeah, I can do that. For sure.” The irony of nervous rambling about not nervous rambling was not lost on Cassie. “I guess, uh. Well, bartenders give advice, right? S’kinda part of the job, isn’t it? So I guess I can ask for advice? Right? That’d be pretty... time-consuming.”
alinamcdowell:
“You don’t even feel it, I promise. If it’s burnin’ your skin, that’s a problem, but if you do it right – it won’t! It won’t create microtears either. It’s simply the best option. And, I know I do it for a livin’ and all, but I’d recommend a chemical exfoliant over waxin’ anyday. It pulls on your skin.” It was 7 am on a Friday, and she couldn’t stop goin’ on about skin. Maybe it was because it was 7 am on a Friday. She grins at Cassie’s question, her eyes following back to the screen. “Oh, totally. Schmidt screams chemical peels. You wanna be a Schmidt or a Nick, Cass? You decide.”
"Microtears? Chemical exfoli... Alina, m’really tryin’ to keep up, but you’re really throwin’ a whole lot at me. I just got, uh. A spinbrush? S’that good?” Cassie scrunched her nose up a Alina’s question, looking back at her just to shake her head. “Gosh, s’neither an answer? I don’t really think I wanna be either of ‘em.”
madisonheine:
“You ever felt like you’ve been just livin’ your life one way for so long only to find out it’s all been a lie. I feel duped. Not to mention all the money poured into products. Ain’t a single one of those reviews warned me of this, y’know? Damn corporate America,” though her rant was full of passion, it started to veer into laughter towards the end too. What a silly complaint to have in life, she thought. “My stupidity aside, and I appreciate you talkin’ me up. Now I’m gonna be too diligent ‘bout our face mask nights. Only the best, right? Don’t let me ramble over this stuff though. What’ve I missed? D’you go to that whole beach party thing?”
"That mean I should stop buyin’ sheet masks from Target? Three dollars can’t be the best, even though they got cute lil’ designs on them.” What had Madison missed? A lot, actually. Or, well. Only a few things, but a few big things. She’d come out, to Andrew but mostly to herself, and she’d kissed a girl that knew she was gay, and -- major life stuff. If there was anyone Cassie could confidently call a friend, it would be Madison, so she didn’t know why she was too scared to tell her any of it. “I went to the beach party! It was real fun -- big, though. Half the town had to be there, I think, so it wasn’t really a getaway, but it was a great weekend. I wish you woulda come, though. S’always more fun when you’re there.”
delilahisms:
Delilah just kept finding herself involved in drama, especially when it came to her ex-boyfriends. But she was trying to push the whole Sarah and Easton mess to the back of her head for the sake of this weekend. Of course, she was still upset about the whole ordeal, and rightfully so in her opinion. She couldn’t go around taking her anger out on everyone though, as much as she wanted to at times. “I think I saw a bar like a little further down that way,” she replied, gesturing to her right. “Yeah, I don’t really know the vibe here either, I guess everyone’s just doin’ their own thing,” she spoke, shrugging her shoulders as she began to walk.
Cassie fell into step with Delilah, maybe a half-step or so behind, just to keep a little space between them. Out of deference, maybe? She didn’t really know why. “So, uh. You still havin’ a good time? I didn’t even think it would be this big, if m’honest, so I can’t imagine how, uh. Weird this is for you? But I hope you’re still findin’ ways to enjoy yourself.”
resa-beauchamp:
“I’m okay, Cassie.” It wasn’t a huge lie. Resa wanted to lie back and look at the stars but the sand would get in her hair. “How did you end up coming so prepared with like no notice? Like you just got asked and immediately were ready to go?”
"Oh, uh -- I just got the text and got ready? I mean. One of the people who sent it was Alina and Alina’s just. I’m just used to getting ready for whatever real fast whenever she texts? I just threw some stuff in a bag, I guess. Wasn’t super organized or anything.”
bentleyxm:
“Oh, so that’s why you showed up. You just didn’t wanna be the first one to break my heart. Some girls would see that as an honor. I’m glad you’re not one of them, cause I would’ve been so disappointed if you didn’t show up. Like, I would’ve had to go a solid two weeks without coming to see a movie, just out of embarrassment.” Bentley was laying it on thick, because, well, that’s just the way he was. Somehow joking with Cassie came easily to him, as if they’d been friends for years, when really this was the most he’d ever spoken to her. “Bangs, maybe not, no one can pull those off. But a bob for sure. Sometimes you just gotta go with the bold change, y’know? I’d go with a new color, think I could rock Zayn Malik pink?” How did they get on this topic again? “We should hang out more.”
"M’not really a bold change kinda girl.” Cassie shook her head, bringing up her legs to tuck them under her chin, arms around them. “This is prob’ly one of the boldest things I’ve done in months and I don’t really think hangin’ out with a friend of a friend is, uh. Real brave stuff. Y’know?” She tilted her head to the side, turning to look at him. “He had, uh -- it was kind of a hot pink, right? I think you could do a hot pink. A pastel would be really pretty, too. But, uh.” She smiled gently, a little shy. “Yeah, we can -- I mean, if you want to. We can hang out more. If you -- yeah.” She nodded, redirecting her attention to the movie just to have something else to focus on.
cassbishop:
“Shouldn’t you know that, seein’ as…?” She waved at the concession booth around her with a chuckle. “I think it’s Singin’ in the Rain? But there’s no rain yet, or singin’, but young Agatha Cromwell’s in it, so that’s entertain!” Cassidy usually had fun stopping by the drive-in, both because she worked there briefly herself one teenage summer, and she liked to give endless commentary on the period piece flicks they liked to shell out. That commentary was more fun when she had company, and with her own car empty of any dates, that left her retreating to the concessions stand, where she happily found one of her favorite youngins. “Gimme somethin’ dreadfully awful that’s also kinda not.”
"Singin’ in the Rain’s such a fun movie. Aggie Cromwell’s real good in it,” Cassie agreed, smiling. She scrunched her nose as she thought about Cassidy’s request, looking around at the snacks at hand. “S’gotta be a soft pretzel, right? Unless you want somethin’ sweet. I think popcorn fits the bill pretty well, too, but that’s not really an excitin’ option for the movies. Soft pretzel is my official recommendation, but I can reconsider.”
loujeff:
“Yeah, they do!” She agreed chuckling, stepping away from the stand to move closer to the counter and leaned on it. “I mean, it’s fun to watch anyway, and see if any couples will come out of it. And it might be mean but the awkwarness after everything ends is kind of funny, too. But hen they do work, I gotta say it’s darn cute.”
“Gosh, d’you think people really find love at those things? That’d be so sweet. I guess ya never lnow, right? Maybe Gertie and Angus met at one of ‘em and are just too shy to admit it.”
kalcigh:
“Of course! I’m always happy to spend my free time with someone as wonderful as you,” she beamed, waltzing into the apartment as if it were her own home. “Well, if yo’re offerin, I’m more than happy to have a little. Did you make it yourself?” She asked, glancing around to make sure the other occupant wasn’t around.
Cassie knew that Kaleigh was hamming it up just a little, but that didn’t stop the warm feeling in her stomach. “Always happy to have ya,” She smiled, leaning back on the door until it clicked shut. “Uh, Easton made it, actually, if that’s... we don’t gotta eat it if that’s weird? We have -- I have ice cream in the freezer, too.”
andrewsterling:
Really, Andrew hadn’t been lying when he’d told Cassie people had come out to him before. Kai, Aaron in college, a couple of others in the frat. Mostly, though, it was just the people he was close to. Everyone else would just show up one day with their partner and announce themselves and he’d roll with it. This was like— This was like Cassie coming out to herself. Like the way she talked herself through it, he could almost see the different stops on her train of thought. So he was just here, basically, hugging her and rubbing her arm and trying to be comforting when maybe his presence made her feel more awkward.
“Logistically I feel like it should just come up the way, like, it comes up I have a girlfriend? I mean— way different things, totally different, uh, experiences, although I guess you’re telling people you want a girlfriend so like, we do… have that… in common.” He stopped, awkwardly, before clearing his throat and pushing on full force. “My point is, I told West and Ryan and Kaleigh off the bat and then everyone else I just told them when it came up, y’know? So like you don’t owe anyone anything. It’s not like you have to say it. I know I’m just. The straight white guy you just came out to and all, so, uh, what I have to say doesn’t really matter. But I just think you should do what makes you comfortable.”
The end of her spiel though was kind of awkward. Even if he didn’t think they were that close, and Cassie knew it, and they both knew that the other knew it, Andrew didn’t like they were verbalizing it. “You’re my friend,” Andrew said firmly. “You need me, I’m there. You don’t have to apologize. And your dignity is fine, I promise.”
"We have that in common,” Cassie agreed, smiling. She knew it was kinda awkward to keep complimenting him during her literal coming out, but it was just... he didn’t have to hold her hand through it and he was. He was just that kind of guy. She felt like she might be taking advantage of his kindness, just a little.
His advice was good. About telling people who mattered most and letting it trickle down, but that was the problem with Cassie. That was always the problem with Cassie. She didn’t have people that mattered most. She had friends, but not in the same way Andrew did. Cassie had people she knew; Andrew had roots in the town he grew up in. Even if he had weird feelings about Kai right now, she knew he would push through it because it would be so much harder to cut themselves loose from each other. People didn’t let go of Cassie because they never really held onto her in the first place.
“I guess we kinda have to be friends now, huh? Doesn’t really seem like there’s any movin’ on from this without bein’ friends or just never talkin’ again. Way too serious,” She laughed, still a little weak, rubbing one of her eyes.
Her stomach flipped and sunk. Everything felt so hollow. She wanted to cry again, suddenly, because this mattered so much but it also just kind of didn’t? If something important happened to Cassie but she wasn’t important enough to anyone for it to be important to them, was it really important? Like one of those if a tree falls in the forest kinda thing. It was just... life-changing for her and nothing for everyone else and god if that didn’t sting. God if it didn’t hurt. God if it didn’t...
Well. It didn’t matter what it did. Because the bell above the door rang and there were their friends, finally, and she couldn’t have straightened up and out from under Andrew’s arm if it was burning her.
She stood up and cheerily waved them over, grinning. “Hey, y’all! Come sit!” It didn’t even occur to her that it might be an option, to sit down and cry and let them all help her through this. It was bad enough that Andrew had had to. She couldn’t imagine burdening anyone else. “Hope y’all’re ready to order ‘cause me and Andrew’re just ‘bout starved. Haven’t been able to stop talkin’ ‘bout it.”
mckat:
@cassiejohnsons
“So you and East are roomies now?” Kat asked as she dropped her weight onto the couch, a quiet sigh leaving her lips. She’d spent most of the day on her feet, and while originally having come over to see East, Kat didn’t hesitate to accept Cassie’s polite invitation to wait inside for him. “Have you gotten round to painting eachothers nails yet?”
"Oh, I don’t know -- I’d bring it up but I kinda think he would actually let me. And I’d make sure he’d want me to. And he’d make sure that I knew he wants me to if I want to. And we’d just keep goin’ like that. It would never end. I can paint your nails, though, if that’s what you’re really askin’.”
Text — Cassie & Mags
Mags: .... i had two days off?
Mags: oh, we have a huge old farm kitchen, tons of room
Mags: you're totally welcome to come check it out if you want!
Cassie: you are so inspirational. sincerely. i really really mean that.
Cassie: yeah? i'd love to for sure!!
Cassie: i don't even think i'd know what to do with a kitchen that big tbh
kyliesullivan:
“No, we’d have to pay money if we went to a liquor store.” She knew Cassie would give into the bad idea, she usually. It was one of the things she enjoyed about their friendship. Smirking, Kylie linked her arm with Cassie and directed her toward the bar. “So, do you want to be the distraction or the thief?”
Cassie’s first impulse was to just offer to pay if they went to a store, but they’d been talking about it long enough that it felt like it was time to just let Kylie win. “Okay,” She agreed, swayed in no small part by the casual contact. “Um. I can be the distraction, I guess? Not really good at lyin’ but even worse at stealin’, prob’ly. I feel like I can talk someone’s ear off pretty good without lyin’, though.”