Getting close to that time of the year again
I realized that in S15 Castiel made two love confessions. The 15x18 one is obvious. The other is in Gimme Shelter when he expressed his love for Jack.
While both confessions are in some way true to Castiel's character and feelings, both served as blunt weapons of revisionism to reduce the meaning of Castiel's life to his association with a tiny "family".
My name is, um well, my name's not important. I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders without question, and I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. And then, of course, when it all came crashing down, I found myself lost. I didn't know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day, something changed, something amazing. I... I guess I found a family, and I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.
"I used to follow orders without question", "I would never look beyond the plan", this is the antithesis of what Castiel was. He has been rebelling or thousands of years to follow his own conscience. The "terrible things" he did (according to the show's narrative--of course to me they were either very noble things or things that are falsely blamed on him), none of them came from "blind faith". They just put these words in his mouth that completely rewrote his history on the show.
As I mentioned in one of my earliest posts, all this only makes sense if the "blind faith", this "follow orders without questions", refers to him following the Winchesters. But of course, the show didn't mean that. Because they claim he only "changed" because he "found a family" which implies the Winchesters. (foreshadowing the "you changed me") (Even in this the only episode that we get to see a focus on him and Jack, he doesn't get to just say "I became a father".)
I can't lie, even having said all this with seething resentment, I can't help being moved by these confessions, because they put a spotlight on the depth of Castiel's love and devotion. But that love was deliberately exploited as a glittering cover under which Castiel's true virtues and heroism are denied, demolished, and transmuted into gold plating for the cheap alter of the Winchesters.
And here is the worst part. I can't help being moved because those scenes don't seem out of character despite it having him speak lies. This is because, Castiel's arc on the 12 seasons on the show had reduced him so much, the narrative had handed him so much failure and profound guilt and self-hate at this point, that it is believable for him to utter these self-annihilating words. It would not be surprising at all if he had actually come to believe it--that he was nothing until he was "changed".
It reminds me of the end of the film Frances where the once vivacious and spirited woman talked about her life in a cold and impassive manner, because she had been forcibly lobotomized. Castiel was lobotomized in the show, then by the show, and even so he is amazing, and that's why he is the most tragic character ever.
germansingergirl
stormborns
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
